What a struggle.

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I didn't, finally, get to bed until 06:16, I think... last I looked.  And I crashed pretty much immediately.  Why I remember the time this time, I can't be sure.  But I did.  I had set the alarm for 8:15, hoping to be able to wake.  To get going on getting the hitch lock cut?  And more?  I... who knows what anyone thinks at some points.

I then wrestled with waking for two hours!  It was brutal.  I reset the alarm, at two points.  I remember the second one going off, but not the third.  Not sure if it didn't go off or I just didn't hear it.  I woke a bit after it should have gone off.  It all looked as if it should have gone off, but I didn't hear it.  Then again, maybe I turned it off, then turned it back on, somehow... or in sleep dementia?

I woke at 13:00, pretty much exactly or very close.  It is already 95 out there.  I got the ducks a splash, and opened their food.  Then grabbed bottles of frozen water for the rabbits... who all seem to be handling the heat fairly well.  Even so, the less stress the better.  I roughly checked their water and food as well.  

One was completely out.  Sometimes they drink a whole bunch, all at once.  This one drank nearly 32 ounces since yesterday, and he usually only drinks a third of that.  Hey, I don't mind.  If he needs it, he needs it.  I only needed to replace his, but tonight there may be a few more close enough to change.  I don't want to change at half, but will at a quarter finished... backwash, ooh.

I am surprised I woke even now.  I think it is the heat.  While it registers 73 upstairs, it... the heat comes in, through that, and touches me.  It is 80 and 77 downstairs, never did get very cool last night.  I need stronger fans, and more of them.  Then again, it only got down to just below 60, and just at the end of the night.  Though, still, stronger and more fans would get more of that in, and more warm air out.  I think.  I'll find out soon.

Oh, music, last night.  The... responses... immediate and rather potent.  I don't know who plays the music game, but they play it well.  It wasn't all just on yt, it was from past blogs too.  Oh, yes, I... got it.  Not... that it is a real response, necessarily.  Think of it more as musical chess.  A play, a counter, a next move, and so on.  As well as the main moves, subtexts, side moves, having not just purpose, but meaning... though... sometimes... vague enough to not exactly yield what, or which, musical cue is being played.

I have suspicions who might, or even could, play.  Not always is the one who retorts the one who initially suggested something, or was targeted.  Though, who can really say.  Is it like feeding koi, in a pond, then not being always exactly sure which broke which circlet upon the surface in response?  Some even coming late to the feeding frenzy?  Maybe.  I... do enjoy.

Eyes are nearly rusted shut from the heat. Trying to blink some moisture to them, but they are having none of it.  I finally got the last of the scabs, from the leg wound, off.  Being such a good boy, not scratching, causing bleeding, and the dry weather, have made the removal clean.  All of the wounds have healed!  I... really fear leg wounds, at this point.  Those may, sooner or later, take the foot or leg... or life.  I don't mind life, but it is difficult to get that far along.  Even I might cry uncle before that.  Unless it went really bad, very quickly.  Fortunately or not, I am extremely resilient.

I have tried.  Few really understand the rarity of a loaded shotgun, in modern times, not going off.  Or that Draino usually kills any who take it, permanently.  Or what three months supplies of psychotropics do to people.  Or... what bleeding out half way, at the time of medical treatment, and a twenty to thirty minute ride with nothing extra but saline will do.  Even forcing me into a coma, and maintaining that for days, has an impact.  Things still aren't normal, from any of that.  And that... wasn't even all.  Plus, it was over a bad heart, which went untreated.  We all tried.  We all, at one time, agreed I should die.  We failed.  Odd.

I will die, someday.  Maybe soon.  Maybe not for decades, even yet.  But, I don't think I get to die easy.  At this point, I think?  I think I have earned that.  But, who knows.  I may slip in the tub and crush my skull without even flopping like a fish or knowing what hit me.  Death is funny that way.

I am hoping to get back to sleep as soon as I can.  I am wanting, probably needing, more sleep.  I just... the heat.  I am awake until I can... switch some things off.  And that will take cooler temps.  So, probably, not until this evening.  Later.