I finally...

.

.

Clipped my toenails.  No, it's not much.  No, I am not ready to pull the bandages, shower, debride the wounds, and replace the bandaging.  I know.  I'm... late, more late on some than others.  But... it's a start.

I realized, while clipping the toenails, that I had been even avoiding that.  There is something about working with tools that can rip and tear... even cut a toe off if it could get around it, while having wounds.  Some... transference, fear of more wounds, from the process... tools.  I didn't realize the fear until I pulled the tools out and started to work.

Carefully, slowly, but down to the nub or as near as I was comfortable getting.  Then some sanding... or the ragged edges could rip my skin.  But, done, and well.  Pretty trim, pretty clean, rather smooth.  It's a start.

I think it is too late for me to work on the bandages and such.  I... don't have it in me, either.  This is a fearsome job.  And will take some time in any case.  I am about ready to crash.  All good, tomorrow.  Which means... I definitely will not make it to church.  I had some hope.  That... if I could get to it tonight... I would feel well enough tomorrow.  But that just wasn't possible.

Fear is... a terrible thing.  Even when it is one's friend.  Enjoying the company of such?  Has been... annoyingly refreshing.  And, we have finished one course of our events together.  One more set of things to go.  I know, I know.  But... so should you.  If you have never had to clean and tend your own larger wounds, you... just don't know.  And, if you have, then... you really should know.  This isn't my first time.  Just... my first time with so many wounds.

Remember, if you make it to church, or even if you can't?  Say a prayer of thanksgiving for me.  God... will understand.  No need for extra, He has graced me well with endurance, given the givens health, and the ability to recover.  I'm... grateful, beyond most people's understanding.  He knows.  But it would be nice if others got it from my writing to His ear, more directly.  Thanks.

Goodnight.