Finally back to bed?

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Just hitting 02:25.  Cooling, down to 75 in this front room.  Open, with a fan going, but no ac used through the day, upstairs or down.  A first in a few weeks?  Or so.  Probably closer to a month or two.  Even when I would use the ac, this room wouldn't often be this cool by this time.  It really is feeling more like fall.

No more food, tonight.  Just not hungry.  Nothing to drink.  Tea, tomorrow.  Maybe the rest of the steak.  Or not.  If I have yogurt, or cottage cheese, it will be without fruit or sweetener.  Or tea or coffee.  Though would like to go with non-caffeinated tea, again, if I go that way.

Trying to push blood sugar down, whatever it takes.  And see what is wrong with what.  Steak, yogurt, eggs, maybe a mix of things.  Would like to make a cheesecake, tomorrow.  But... the thing with those, is they need to rest overnight, or even for two days?  Some of them suggest such.  I have lemons.  If they are still good, I may add some of that.  Will see.

Hungry.  But would rather see if I can get blood sugar back down.  Pound it into control.  Fasting, when I'm not really ready, is difficult.  But that can be a good time to do it, if... it can be done.  Even a partial fast, intermittent.  Would love some yogurt, say.  But no.  Though, tomorrow, don't mind having yogurt, or else, beside steak.  If only within the six hour eating window allowed by intermittent fasting.

Some... fondly remembered tunes showed on the feed, or a secondary means.

She knows it.  But any woman who loves a man knows, if they truly do love, pain will... be a part of it.  Changes, some she... won't see coming until... they overwhelm her.  It's as good as it gets.  The option is to be alone, to die barren, empty, devoid, unloved.  Brutal, either way.  One way comes bearing hope.  One doesn't.

Old, but... not that old?  Hope to find out.

Her memory lingers too.  Have... tried this, done this, successfully, unsuccessfully successful, in various ways.  But she will always be on my mind, they?  Both of them.  Though, too... the others.  If not quite like her... them.  There is gone, and there is all the way gone.  Two different types of failure.

And it... seems like some woman... keeps thinking some things.  To be honest, she probably didn't have a chance.  American women don't game up until it is too late these days.  I hope they enjoy their lives, and whoever will take them, for whatever time.  But, they have been betrayed... untrained, unable, made unwilling, taught but left ignorant, assured of equality, then... left to their own devices.

There is no room for such women in a man's life, if he wants children, ever.  Could just sort of do and hope, but if she isn't willfully involved with the process, she will always hate the man who gave her what she truly needs, not just what she wants.  Brutal, this game.  But choices are real.

Goodnight.