A monster?

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How would you know if you are one?  I can't say for all.  For me?  I couldn't see until I came to the light.  Until I first began discerning virtue from vice.  And, more, seeking virtue.  If virtue, I further came to understand, was truly God writ small.  A terrifying realization, mind you.  As I have written, I initially thought I could obtain virtue, but use it to my ends, and turn it on or off as if it had a power switch, like a light.

But, no.  Virtues aren't toys, tools, or owned items.  I either had them, used them, as on-only systems (to within my limited abilities, mind you), or not.  And, as strongly as I tried, even with sincere practice, to some degree, virtues escape me.  Still learning.

It was in seeking virtue, attempting to escape vice, and my many failures, when I was able to realize that I am a monster.  Only in light can shadows be more fully understood.  Only in the dark and light can the oposite be seen?  That does cause me to suspect I am far from alone.

The only people who know they are monsters, and struggle with it, are those who have sought God, virtues, and attempted to escape (their, but all) vices.  And fail, for none succeed.  Yet keep trying.  You know who you are, so may too know who I am.

Oh, by the way?  I am not telling you to not judge.  Not damn, perhaps.  Not even yourself.  Certainly not others.  Thankfully, for you and I, that ultimately is a God thing.  Sure, defend yourself, others especially innocents, what is true, right, even beautiful in right ways.  Just don't damn.  Kill, even, rightly.  But cursing a soul to death?  Monsterous.  Though parting from those who surrender to their sins?  Become the whole of their sin?  Have pride in their sin?  Fair enough.  They know.

Yes, I am a monster.  Like all whose sins helped crucify my Lord.  If you think you are above the shit, because what you believe makes it so?  You believe the wrong things.  I would advise humble submission to the Sacrifice.  Hoping that and else is enough.  Even then, understand we don't deserve it.  Or a monster you will remain.  The worst of the monsters never see, or refuse to believe.  The best embrace the curse, and seek to undo it.

You may have a legal, earthly, right to cast stones, to refuse forgiveness, and such.  But don't think casting that stone, as good as it might feel, will damn any but yourself.  Kill, if you should, must.  But... don't try to Damn in God's name.  For your sake.  From one monster to another?