Just looking about for a moment.

.

.

Sleeping warmly.  Oddly without overheating.  I do wake every six to ten hours.  I am dreaming if not recalling them as I wake, or wake when in any shape to write.  Then they are gone by the time I can.  All good.

Not pushing to be awake.  Mostly.  I have set my alarms in an attempt to wake by noon, then wake again at 16:00.  To put the whitening plates in, go back to sleep, then wake to remove them.  Not sure how well I can follow even that regimen.  Though I have, for a few weeks to month or two, been able to follow a simpler schedule.

I will try to be awake longer, after taking the plates out.  To drink water, coffee, or tea... talk to mother a bit until she goes, game a bit when she is gone.  Nothing fancy.  Just... to be out of bed for a bit.

If I can stretch my lively sessions to four hours, I may try to stay awake from the noon hour onwards.  perhaps extend my day even longer.  Who knows.  The Lord knows I do try.  I have simply not had a handhold to crawl out of my coffin for some time.  A simple want, to whiten my teeth might, I say might, end up providing that climbing system.

You have no idea how difficult it is to be so deeply buried in such vast exhaustion.  You would think my body would waste away.  I suppose it is, to a degree.  But no more, really, than aging would do independently.  And I would argue less than it alone should account for said.

Food, or the lack of it, should also play a part.  But it really doesn't either.  One meal every two to four days, if a fatted coffee probably every other day.  Enough to create, and survive... even thrive... on ketones?  I would have to guess so.  More like... mothballed than wasting.  With organs at end stage, that might be as good as it gets.  The damage was done, by vaccines, the shingles those developed, and the extended lack of treatment for that.  I have been gliding to organ failure for forty years.  Which is either a dream, if one wants life uber alles, or a nightmare, if one just wanted the misery finished. 

When I thought it was mine to choose, I ended on each side at times.  When I realized life, thus death, are God level things, I humbly submitted to His will.  And enjoy as I may.  Having prepared for whichever one is on His slate, and when.

Currently I sleep, as that is what I can do.  Still, I sort how to sleep more temperately.  Even then, I try to figure out how to survive it, feed my body, hydrate it, and yet find a way to be awake more often.  Plan, sort, scheme, if rest easily even if that isn't possible. 

And... I laugh.  At me, you, us, them.  Sometimes rightly, sometimes foolishly, sometimes wrongly?  Laugh, damn you.  It really is good enough that you can find the freedom in that, and of it.  I tell you, even should you be on death row?  You still have time to sort yourself so that death isn't your terrible end, just a finer beginning.  So I have found my way to joy, as the world, or my body, slowly eats my rather impressively, for the conditions, long life.

Hmm, a can of water and back to bed.  Good night and morning.