I did not say I liked liberals though, either. Really, your politics probably has nothing to do with whether I like you or not, unless that is all you are. Yes, I have met some of those. And, generally, if they are indeed purists, that often was not a problem, so long as that puritanism was self-centered, self-based, and self-directed. It is only when an attempt to impose their new age puritanical putridocity upon my unhappy head that sparks flew. Tell me all about it, just do not try to guide or force me to it unless I ask. I will pick and choose, discard the rest, and if you want, I will tell you why. If you have time, I might even tell you what I believe and think, and some of why. However, I will suggest you not follow my path, in truth. I earned my way, could be wrong, and I am not sure you will fit in my group. I am pretty sure you would not have survived the trip. However, if your life has lead you to my doorstep in a search, and you think something I have found is worth investigating, I will help you find out one way or the other. I will not, probably, be a teacher. I know some and will introduce you to them. The best I can do is be a friend in that for as long as, well, until I am not or do not.
Life is very simple for me. Oh, sure, I have wants and needs. I am hungry for love and laughter, alone time, education, wisdom, and the company of both peers and mixed groups. I want to know this, I want to do that, I want to go here or there, and I want to stay home. Ok, I will admit it, I only want it all, now. That is part of the reason I do not go the liberal way, I know my wants cannot be met and my needs will be sore pressed to be properly handled (in part because of the wrongful but powerful pull of my wants!). I know better. I also have a firm grip on my emotions. What I feel at any given time is absolutely non-vital to anything except expanding the general notion that there is more to life than the mundane. It is what alcohol is to food, it could and in some cases does, replace it, but it is an empty pathetic replacement that leaves a bitter taste in the end. Emotion, like beer, is a spice of life, not the fulfillment of it. Emotion is what socialism is based upon, as any serious undertaking of study regarding it economically, historically, socially, or in any other way shows, and every time. Except, of course, by it’s adherents.
Again, I do not dislike based on this or that. I take in all I can, and go from there. But beyond that, I do not have to like someone to comment. Nor do I, in my comments to someone I do not like, need to attack, trip up, or be harmful to them or their thoughts. Though, I will not lie, sometimes a positive can be found apart from this or that. No, friends and allies are the ones I will tear into. I hope they understand, but in the battlefield of life, it is not always the best to warn. Flank the friend, so when his enemies do it, he has figured out a defense. Drop from the branches onto his falsely secure carcass, and show him whatfor. He will learn. What works in combat works in all types of combat, verbal to legal to sword.
Now, what I do not like is someone who “knows”. I do not even claim that. I do not even claim to know my Church, or it’s ways, let alone our God and His ways. I do not claim Bush, Reagan, or Thompson are right, or wrong. I only agree or disagree from time to time with this or that. So, any fool who knows the way to the salvation of manflesh is below my contempt. These are underclass uneducated emotionally based peasants trying to tell me how they would rule, or how their chosen leaders would rule. These peasants, the ones in tight with their manleaders. Sure, ok. Shut up, dork. For all you know the whole elite forum is made up of a secret cannibal forum, like you would even know. And those ideas about common rule, and social good, and free medicine are false devices created to lead you off a fucking cliff so that you can be fed upon (that last, which if not literal, is the real idea behind socialism, communism, progressivism, and modern liberalism). Doh! You know nothing. Less than I, and I am blind, deaf, dumb, and half asleep when I am not asleep. Then again, those on “my side” of the aisle who hold too much confidence, likewise cause concern. Only in doubt can the truer path be found. Communism is like a race car. It finds it’s way from the top of the mountain to the bottom at the speed of gravity, modified by whatever initial acceleration it could muster. Conservativism is the wagon train. You might not get to California from Boston, ever should you find a better place or grow weary, but even if you happen to die on the path, you most likely will have weeks or even months to try and figure out how to change that outcome. That is the difference.
Well, my rambling such and so forth is done, or I just do not want to write much more. Hmm, all messed up today still. Though tobacco is becoming a memory, mostly. It still confuses a bit. Oh, I got a call from a friend. I just got the message today, he called yesterday. I am beginning to hate my phone or service. In any case, I called back and I hope to see him today. Maybe to go out shooting, grab some scotch (after), and put a roast in the oven for our return. Nothing like having a good old friend stop in. So, I am hoping, but a bit doubtful at this time.
Update:
Cool! Ok, I did not explain it well above, but this is the deal. A former neighbor, the best neighbor I have had while living here in that I got to know him and we had a lot of fun from times to time, often scotch related, though often not, had called yesterday. He indicated he would be passing through and wanted to know if I would be here. Well, neither did I receive the call (I think the phone was on and with me almost always) nor did I receive the message until today. Thus, I am a little perturbed with my service or phone (not sure which is the problem, and not the first time). In any case, he is still on the road. He will be here around 18:00 to 18:30. I indicated I would put on a roast and some sides, obtain a bottle of scotch or two (variety is another spice of life, and I rarely use a single spice if I tend toward single malt, ha!). I asked if he needed the couch, and he said it was quite up to me. Well, not a problem. It will be too late to go out shooting, so I asked if he had time tomorrow. It sounds like he will have to get going early, so that might be out. Still, he has not yet seen my small, and growing, arsenal. I know he will like the .22 rifle, and most likely the .45. The Remington is fine, but it's just what it is. Oh, and he has not seen the Xterra either. So, it looks like a good night. By the way, he is a physics grad student. I still disagree with him, and often it is a learning experience. hehehe Oh well, at least I can learn.
On a side note, one of my current neighbors stopped by and asked if I knew my vehicle was running. It had been running when he left an hour and a half ago, and was still running when he got back though it looked like it had not been moved. Right he was. But, you know what? That Xterra must have been running since I went grocery shopping last night at about 23:00, until he visited this afternoon at 14:00! I do not think it had more than 3/4 of a thank of gas last night when I got home (max, that or less no doubt), it still has 1/4 of a tank. Wow, weird, but... ok. Is that normal? I guess maybe it is what people expect in an suv? It just seemed really weird to me.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
Women are not liberal.
This could be trouble, but like weapons, fast cars, women in any case, and alcohol, a little is best, a lot is better (until it kills you), or so the thoughts sometimes go. So, here is hoping for just the right balance (knowing there is not a chance of it).
What, you say, “I know many liberal women, progressive through and through, socialist to the core, and only not communist because each is a bit too timid in her nature, save maybe Aunt Selly.”. Let me repeat, women are not liberal. Women are, by and large, cast in that mold, but they are just what they are. Only men can be liberal by choice, though conservativism is a whole different animal. Men, having to compete in both the physical and intellectual structures of society, having to face fist fight to debate, having to prove in or out by strength of mind and body, these may know liberalism and conservativism because they have seen, successfully or not, what the choices are and what they mean. Women have only ever truly seen one side, and not that completely. They are still shielded by society, by men, and they are allowed in places no man of their limitations would be allowed. As well, now they have the added power of legal mandates in the form of quotas and equality legislation behind the allowances.
The men who happen to choose liberalism, however, are a relatively small number, in nature. They were, before the bastardization of the political system, a sorry lot consisting of men who had little worth yet attempted to maintain impeccable tastes. In other words, men who could not but still wanted to gain and be rewarded as if they could. Whether they were lazy men, weak men, or just weak willed men, this is the basis for liberalism. Stalin had it, Hitler had it, Chavez has it, heck Blair has it, it being a distain for earned reward and personal responsibility. These men, all, not only support the female inclusion into politics, some of them invented it, locally if not truly, knowing the political outcome. The reason the number of liberal men has climbed is merely a matter of capitalism. They are going after women’s votes, because, as free as they are, woman seem to be smart enough not to vote for their own or even run, usually. So, they vote for women in drag, or at least men who act (if not really, at least publicly) like women think they should.
So, when a woman comes up with a socialist plan, I have to laugh. Neither did she come up with it, nor did she have much of a choice in believing such childish things, it is her nature. When a woman complains that men hate her, I have to laugh. Join the club sweetheart, and grow a pair or go home, it is what we go through every day. And may I say, those slacks make your butt look thi------->s big. Though that perpetual and whiny voice probably does not help you either. We generally do not talk a lot, men folk that is, and there is a reason for it. However, when a woman advocates a conservative idea, especially when she goes into detail, and further shows that it is not just a single issue but the whole of her beliefs and values, I have to think… now there is a woman who has gone beyond her nature, much as men until this most recent despicable decent into global socialism had gone beyond our animal instincts. “Liberal” woman are natural, conservative women are principled and of a higher order. Thinkers and realists, women who have set aside their natural needs produced by their limitations in order to see a truly fair system (fair of opportunity, not outcome), a sustainable system in that if it went forward we would not need to import baby makers, and healthy political systems based on human worth and actual freedom to go forth, truly it is a wonderful thing.
Someone asked, actually several on a number of issues, why I read some women’s blogs in spite of a perceived political difference. I gave a weak answer the last time, and did not answer much before that at all. So, after days of thought, or more(?), I decided to put the thing to rest. Simply put, hating a woman for being liberal would be akin to hating her for having breasts, being shorter, or having mood swings. It is their nature, if I do appreciate those who have gone beyond it, I will not despise those who cannot.
What, you say, “I know many liberal women, progressive through and through, socialist to the core, and only not communist because each is a bit too timid in her nature, save maybe Aunt Selly.”. Let me repeat, women are not liberal. Women are, by and large, cast in that mold, but they are just what they are. Only men can be liberal by choice, though conservativism is a whole different animal. Men, having to compete in both the physical and intellectual structures of society, having to face fist fight to debate, having to prove in or out by strength of mind and body, these may know liberalism and conservativism because they have seen, successfully or not, what the choices are and what they mean. Women have only ever truly seen one side, and not that completely. They are still shielded by society, by men, and they are allowed in places no man of their limitations would be allowed. As well, now they have the added power of legal mandates in the form of quotas and equality legislation behind the allowances.
The men who happen to choose liberalism, however, are a relatively small number, in nature. They were, before the bastardization of the political system, a sorry lot consisting of men who had little worth yet attempted to maintain impeccable tastes. In other words, men who could not but still wanted to gain and be rewarded as if they could. Whether they were lazy men, weak men, or just weak willed men, this is the basis for liberalism. Stalin had it, Hitler had it, Chavez has it, heck Blair has it, it being a distain for earned reward and personal responsibility. These men, all, not only support the female inclusion into politics, some of them invented it, locally if not truly, knowing the political outcome. The reason the number of liberal men has climbed is merely a matter of capitalism. They are going after women’s votes, because, as free as they are, woman seem to be smart enough not to vote for their own or even run, usually. So, they vote for women in drag, or at least men who act (if not really, at least publicly) like women think they should.
So, when a woman comes up with a socialist plan, I have to laugh. Neither did she come up with it, nor did she have much of a choice in believing such childish things, it is her nature. When a woman complains that men hate her, I have to laugh. Join the club sweetheart, and grow a pair or go home, it is what we go through every day. And may I say, those slacks make your butt look thi------->s big. Though that perpetual and whiny voice probably does not help you either. We generally do not talk a lot, men folk that is, and there is a reason for it. However, when a woman advocates a conservative idea, especially when she goes into detail, and further shows that it is not just a single issue but the whole of her beliefs and values, I have to think… now there is a woman who has gone beyond her nature, much as men until this most recent despicable decent into global socialism had gone beyond our animal instincts. “Liberal” woman are natural, conservative women are principled and of a higher order. Thinkers and realists, women who have set aside their natural needs produced by their limitations in order to see a truly fair system (fair of opportunity, not outcome), a sustainable system in that if it went forward we would not need to import baby makers, and healthy political systems based on human worth and actual freedom to go forth, truly it is a wonderful thing.
Someone asked, actually several on a number of issues, why I read some women’s blogs in spite of a perceived political difference. I gave a weak answer the last time, and did not answer much before that at all. So, after days of thought, or more(?), I decided to put the thing to rest. Simply put, hating a woman for being liberal would be akin to hating her for having breasts, being shorter, or having mood swings. It is their nature, if I do appreciate those who have gone beyond it, I will not despise those who cannot.
Getting better, but I would not call it heaven.
I was not able to sleep until 4:00 this morning, but that shaved an hour or more from last nights bedtime and I was able to awaken at 9:30. I had another really weird dream, though nowhere near as strange as the one from the previous night. It was something to do with billions of dollars being put into my account, how it got there, and what I did to ensure it stayed there, or at least stayed in my name. Hey, I was rich for a bit there. And, if I may say so, I made some pretty good financial moves. Oh, and it is really nice to have your own jet, do not let them try and fool you with the tears regarding expense and expenses. Trust me, if you have your own jet, one way or another, someone else IS paying for it.
Ok, today I have a few things to get done. I have someone stopping by between 13:00 and 17:00, which is irritating, as you all know. I will just tinker with and finish my writing today (first writing, anyway). I can polish it while practicing the oral presentation. And, I can get going on homework. I think it will be easy, but who knows. I am always a little nervous. My great weakness is physics, in functional knowledge. However, my insecurity in just doing, my confidence in the field that is, is also weak. I really hate being shot down, and a lot of our schooling so far seems to target doing just that. It is developed to seem simple, then become or actually already be complicated. This stuff can sneak up on you. Some of this is done with malice (trust me), some of it comes from the expectation that as a student here, I have been in school for the last 12 years, that I have been fully engaged in those years, and that I have covered this material so that what seems counterintuitive I am supposed to have experienced, probably many times and of course recently. That is not to say I cannot do it, it only means I will have to dig, relearn, and burn a bit. Until I am more sure about what holes in my education exist, and find a way to patch them, confidence will always be an issue. I am positive though, that at some point, this will ease, though too it will never be completely gone.
I also plan to get the car cleaned a bit today and call about mileage based servicing, and get that arranged. A little shopping seems to be in order, so hard candy will go on the list. The jitters are a little better this morning, but not a great deal better. The nice thing about doing this, or an excellent side effect anyway, is my mother is watching closely. She may consider quitting if I can trudge through. The doctors told her that her lungs are in excellent condition, go figure after 50 years of smoking (and knocking on wood), but I appreciate them being honest. Still, for her the expense and, as she will come to understand, the odor are strong incentives. But for me, it is her bed-smoking. That causes me no small concern.
Aha! I know what else I will be doing today. Two things, actually. The first is to start calling around in an attempt to find ski instructors. I wish to find out how much that is going to hurt, where and when it is available, and to get going on that. The second is to look online and on foot for an electronic multi-kit. I have found a place that sells a 500 project reusable kit for about $160 (which is the best I have seen anywhere, by far). I want to check anyway, and I would like to find component kits (resistors, capacitors, you know, the vital elctro-junk) in order to expand the function and range of any kit I purchase. I may just have to buy things piecemeal, an irritation no doubt, and something which would be a lot more complicated than I am quite interested in contemplating at the moment. One more thing… Well, a dozen more things, but…
I know I had said I would try to begin expanding, perhaps wholecloth redirecting my blog direction. And, it is still under consideration. However, at this time, I am under fire. Real life is pulling, tugging, and pushing, my favored addiction is trying to prevent my desertion from it, and the list of things I simply have to do has grown to mindslide proportions. As things settle, I hope to do precisely what I said I would do. Till then, just get off my back, man. It might even be advisable not too even look at me, and certainly not that way (whatever way “that way” is or could be construed) until my fingers quit seeming edible and my mind stops having to even actually think about that as a consideration, at a minimum. Or, to put it as diplomatically as I can muster, bugger off, eat the content of offal, and may your life be much shorter than the rotation of an electron in an atom smasher should this not be good enough and you wish to debate the issue. Hmm, that was actually fairly nice. I will work on it.
Ok, today I have a few things to get done. I have someone stopping by between 13:00 and 17:00, which is irritating, as you all know. I will just tinker with and finish my writing today (first writing, anyway). I can polish it while practicing the oral presentation. And, I can get going on homework. I think it will be easy, but who knows. I am always a little nervous. My great weakness is physics, in functional knowledge. However, my insecurity in just doing, my confidence in the field that is, is also weak. I really hate being shot down, and a lot of our schooling so far seems to target doing just that. It is developed to seem simple, then become or actually already be complicated. This stuff can sneak up on you. Some of this is done with malice (trust me), some of it comes from the expectation that as a student here, I have been in school for the last 12 years, that I have been fully engaged in those years, and that I have covered this material so that what seems counterintuitive I am supposed to have experienced, probably many times and of course recently. That is not to say I cannot do it, it only means I will have to dig, relearn, and burn a bit. Until I am more sure about what holes in my education exist, and find a way to patch them, confidence will always be an issue. I am positive though, that at some point, this will ease, though too it will never be completely gone.
I also plan to get the car cleaned a bit today and call about mileage based servicing, and get that arranged. A little shopping seems to be in order, so hard candy will go on the list. The jitters are a little better this morning, but not a great deal better. The nice thing about doing this, or an excellent side effect anyway, is my mother is watching closely. She may consider quitting if I can trudge through. The doctors told her that her lungs are in excellent condition, go figure after 50 years of smoking (and knocking on wood), but I appreciate them being honest. Still, for her the expense and, as she will come to understand, the odor are strong incentives. But for me, it is her bed-smoking. That causes me no small concern.
Aha! I know what else I will be doing today. Two things, actually. The first is to start calling around in an attempt to find ski instructors. I wish to find out how much that is going to hurt, where and when it is available, and to get going on that. The second is to look online and on foot for an electronic multi-kit. I have found a place that sells a 500 project reusable kit for about $160 (which is the best I have seen anywhere, by far). I want to check anyway, and I would like to find component kits (resistors, capacitors, you know, the vital elctro-junk) in order to expand the function and range of any kit I purchase. I may just have to buy things piecemeal, an irritation no doubt, and something which would be a lot more complicated than I am quite interested in contemplating at the moment. One more thing… Well, a dozen more things, but…
I know I had said I would try to begin expanding, perhaps wholecloth redirecting my blog direction. And, it is still under consideration. However, at this time, I am under fire. Real life is pulling, tugging, and pushing, my favored addiction is trying to prevent my desertion from it, and the list of things I simply have to do has grown to mindslide proportions. As things settle, I hope to do precisely what I said I would do. Till then, just get off my back, man. It might even be advisable not too even look at me, and certainly not that way (whatever way “that way” is or could be construed) until my fingers quit seeming edible and my mind stops having to even actually think about that as a consideration, at a minimum. Or, to put it as diplomatically as I can muster, bugger off, eat the content of offal, and may your life be much shorter than the rotation of an electron in an atom smasher should this not be good enough and you wish to debate the issue. Hmm, that was actually fairly nice. I will work on it.
Nicotine.
I am really twitching. Even with the patch, I probably would not be fun to tinker with at the moment. It has added a little boost to my hop, no doubt. I believe I am still relatively coherent, but if a topic is complex, I have found myself lost and in over my head. I will do this, and I will get past this ugly phase. I have decided to do so, and that is that. I might lapse in a couple of weeks, our out right fail. I might fail in a few years. That does not matter a whit, so long as the rest of today and tomorrow I do not lapse, I will deal with the future in it’s time.
Oh, I think Waterboy had a point. Though it was not a snack to fill in for the last smoke, it was indeed too much food (and soda) filling in for that lack of chaw. I did not get the hard candies I had intended to buy. But it is on my list… wherever my list is. In any case, I do endeavor to have a beer once in a while in order that after four score I will persevere, or is that, be preserved. I am not an English major, minor, or general, I do not know these things. Well, three more sodas and a roast with the trimmings, and it is off to bed for me. *sigh*
Someone just shoot me. Not in the butt though, that would not be funny. Not at all funny. Goodnight.
Oh, I think Waterboy had a point. Though it was not a snack to fill in for the last smoke, it was indeed too much food (and soda) filling in for that lack of chaw. I did not get the hard candies I had intended to buy. But it is on my list… wherever my list is. In any case, I do endeavor to have a beer once in a while in order that after four score I will persevere, or is that, be preserved. I am not an English major, minor, or general, I do not know these things. Well, three more sodas and a roast with the trimmings, and it is off to bed for me. *sigh*
Someone just shoot me. Not in the butt though, that would not be funny. Not at all funny. Goodnight.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Another one down, done, and tacked in. Next...
After the dream, I finally awoke around 11:00 I believe. I rolled out of the sack, drank something, saw to the brining of the cat’s water bowl (aka, pet fish cemetery), and sort of checked the news or whatever. Mental fog was thick, but I really had to get going. A shower, fresh clothes, and out the door I went. I made it to my doctor’s office before noon, filled and signed an informal release of information for my doctor and my voc. rehab. councilor. I am not sure it will come out the way I would like, but then, so be it. I then purchased a tag for my trash can and put it on. I took back the last of those movies. Then I goofed a bit, until about 15:30. My first class was today, but not until 18:00, which means a 17:00 depart time would have been sufficient. I wanted to see if I could purchase my book, lay in some possible supplies, and then leisurely find the classroom. It was snowing rather heavily, and I thought that might slow things, as it continued right to class time I was a little surprised they did not call off classes. In spite of 2”-4” of snow, class went as planned. Though the snow slowed traffic a little, I usually drive slower anyway, so it had little affect on my time. I found my book easily enough, bought some supplies, and found a place to settle in and review the material we might be about to cover in class. No real problem, nothing looked too complicated, and I read three units of the first chapter. I then glanced through a Schaum’s electronics outline, and just goofed with the information there.
It was excellent to be in class ahead of time (as usual, again), having read ahead (again), and be back in school at all. Oh, I have also found an online outlet for my specific course, from MIT. Thanks for the pointer, Jean. I am not sure how much is too much, but then I do not know what I face, yet. This is my first actual course in electronics (or at least for many years, and those early classes were technician based). I also plan on purchasing an electronic multi-kit with a breadboard. I still have my volt/amp/etc meter, and it would not be a bad thing to get skinnied up on this. Nothing helps me like playing around as if I know something. And just playing and tinkering with a goal in mind and the tools (toys) in hand is even a better way for me to learn. The professor, or teacher, he is rather informal, seems pretty on top of this. He is not going to be easy, or nice. But he is not going to be cruel. Exacting, demanding, and with very specific expectations and cut-offs. I can deal with that, win lose or draw. We did, of course, receive homework, though there were two types of homework. The obvious homework… problems in the book, we were given four of these. As well, we will need to keep a lab notebook, and he has a specific requirement for this. So, the other type of homework was to find then acquire (legal, moral, and ethical methods were not required, at least explicitly). Anyway, I decided to buy the ones I found on my way home, as ignoring implications has a bad way of ruining one’s day.
See, I got a lot done today. But the next few days are what might hurt a bit. I have to get going on the homework, I need to finish writing then begin practicing my speech, and I still have a few details from my list to manage. Uhrm, by the way, I cannot seem to find my list. I will have to write a new one, while looking for the old one. I know cleaning the vehicle, getting it scheduled for a check-up on the 1st, give or take, buy my books and supplies (check), and… hmmm, some other stuff. Drats! Oh, on top of that, I shoveled my 30’ drive (it is double wide, I just shoveled about 2/3 of it) and the sidewalks. It was 21:00 or later when I arrived home, and there was just a few inches of snow actually collected, so between the little there and the lateness, I decided the snow blower was not needed. Plus, I needed to do a little labor.
Oh, and by the way, I also bought a Schaum’s statistics outline. See, I’m on it.
All in all, not a bad day. It is also nearly my third tobacco free day. Damn, if it keeps going this good, I will need to get hit by a meteor in order to get back into normalcy. Shoot, I am not sure that will touch me in this time. But, then, I really am knocking on wood, talking softly, and just trying to keep this going long enough that I can gain my strength and confidence enough again that I can manage any little thing before it becomes too big to handle… *whistles* *whistles* Boneyard all around… *whistles* of times I almost made it… *whistles* or was sure I was getting out… *whistles* We will see. Hoo-Ha! Yeah, we will see.
It was excellent to be in class ahead of time (as usual, again), having read ahead (again), and be back in school at all. Oh, I have also found an online outlet for my specific course, from MIT. Thanks for the pointer, Jean. I am not sure how much is too much, but then I do not know what I face, yet. This is my first actual course in electronics (or at least for many years, and those early classes were technician based). I also plan on purchasing an electronic multi-kit with a breadboard. I still have my volt/amp/etc meter, and it would not be a bad thing to get skinnied up on this. Nothing helps me like playing around as if I know something. And just playing and tinkering with a goal in mind and the tools (toys) in hand is even a better way for me to learn. The professor, or teacher, he is rather informal, seems pretty on top of this. He is not going to be easy, or nice. But he is not going to be cruel. Exacting, demanding, and with very specific expectations and cut-offs. I can deal with that, win lose or draw. We did, of course, receive homework, though there were two types of homework. The obvious homework… problems in the book, we were given four of these. As well, we will need to keep a lab notebook, and he has a specific requirement for this. So, the other type of homework was to find then acquire (legal, moral, and ethical methods were not required, at least explicitly). Anyway, I decided to buy the ones I found on my way home, as ignoring implications has a bad way of ruining one’s day.
See, I got a lot done today. But the next few days are what might hurt a bit. I have to get going on the homework, I need to finish writing then begin practicing my speech, and I still have a few details from my list to manage. Uhrm, by the way, I cannot seem to find my list. I will have to write a new one, while looking for the old one. I know cleaning the vehicle, getting it scheduled for a check-up on the 1st, give or take, buy my books and supplies (check), and… hmmm, some other stuff. Drats! Oh, on top of that, I shoveled my 30’ drive (it is double wide, I just shoveled about 2/3 of it) and the sidewalks. It was 21:00 or later when I arrived home, and there was just a few inches of snow actually collected, so between the little there and the lateness, I decided the snow blower was not needed. Plus, I needed to do a little labor.
Oh, and by the way, I also bought a Schaum’s statistics outline. See, I’m on it.
All in all, not a bad day. It is also nearly my third tobacco free day. Damn, if it keeps going this good, I will need to get hit by a meteor in order to get back into normalcy. Shoot, I am not sure that will touch me in this time. But, then, I really am knocking on wood, talking softly, and just trying to keep this going long enough that I can gain my strength and confidence enough again that I can manage any little thing before it becomes too big to handle… *whistles* *whistles* Boneyard all around… *whistles* of times I almost made it… *whistles* or was sure I was getting out… *whistles* We will see. Hoo-Ha! Yeah, we will see.
Wow, talk about bizarre dreams…
It was not exactly a nightmare, and anyway, I did not think to try and add popcorn. But since I was playing the lead, I did not really have time to eat. In my dream, I was a demon looking creature, but there was a weird twist. See that picture I have as my avatar, imagine a female one. That was me. And, my side-kick was a pixie, also female, and a bit of a shape changer. We stormed Hell, literally. I am not sure if our presence there was punishment or a voluntary entrance in order to complete a task. We, mostly me, went around beating up groups of demons and devils and men who happened to be there. I do not know if they were just knocked out, died, or ran off, but I always won. Every once in a while, we (me and the side-kick) would find lipstick (do not ask, I do not know). We would try the new shade, then practice kissing, and get the lipstick worked in right, then move on to the next group of enemies. All in all, it was a great deal of fun. Of course, when that was pretty much finished, and we were done or earned our way out, or whatever, we met with some CIA agents in a van. That was weirder, and there are limits to what even I will say. It must have been the nicotine patch, too much food, and being extra tired. It was certainly a unique dream.
Did I really write that?
Did I really write that?
Sleep is elusive.
Two days and a night without nicotine and… sleep is difficult and I have really harsh heartburn. I so rarely get heartburn that I have nothing for it. Usually a glass of milk fixes that. To add to the sleeping problems, it turns into reflux when I decline. Now, my initial plan was to cut all smoking out for several weeks before I quit snuff. This I did. I then planned on going cold turkey from snuff for two days, then a patch if needed/desired(?). That would be tomorrow, but it looks like I will have to use the patch a little earlier. Yes, I actually do have a plan. And, even if I am off by 6 to 8 hours at this point, it is my first difficulty.
A patch and maybe some sleep. A patch, a glass of milk, and then sleep? I need sleeeeppppp. Does anyone know how long the withdrawals are severe? How long before I can get by a bit better, be a bit nicer, without a patch? Just curious about other people’s trials, errors, and successes. Anyone else have trouble with heartburn? I am a chewer, was… could be the difference. I have chewed since I was 12, smoked for at least 2 years before that, nothing illegal, by the smoke's own nature anyway. I will always have a hankering for it, too...
A patch and maybe some sleep. A patch, a glass of milk, and then sleep? I need sleeeeppppp. Does anyone know how long the withdrawals are severe? How long before I can get by a bit better, be a bit nicer, without a patch? Just curious about other people’s trials, errors, and successes. Anyone else have trouble with heartburn? I am a chewer, was… could be the difference. I have chewed since I was 12, smoked for at least 2 years before that, nothing illegal, by the smoke's own nature anyway. I will always have a hankering for it, too...
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Ok, so I am actually impressed.
In my little world, I have just done a remarkable set of things. I have checked off 12 items from the list I created several days ago. As well, I finally left my house to see two movies in the theater, rented and watched four more, and went to a sporting goods store with a friend, to look at their sales, guns, and see if they would do some work on my .22 pistol. Believe it or not, doing the things I like to do, like watching movies, is just as difficult as doing those things I might not be expected to enjoy doing. Actually, some things are a bit confused along those lines. For example, though I truly despise, no hate, cleaning my bathroom, because I like the outcome so much more than the pleasure I derive from going to a movie or eating out, cleaning actually is preferable to eating a steak downtown. With energy and concentration of thought being the limits, cleaning is done less frequently than eating out or other little pleasures. Instead of high function being the priority my nature would tend to prefer, my reality tends to favor a lower echelon of function in which to anchor my deeds, for practical purposes. Sometimes I honestly wish I was retarded, lazy, or addicted. Those are real, understandable, and, even if despicable to some, real reasons to shoot for less than one’s otherwise best.
Anyway, I even got the trash out this morning. The bastards did not take it though, just leaving a note telling me I need to get a new sticker. I hope they like that opossum next week. I found it dead in the road in front of my place and did not want to keep running over it and have it stinking and being further spread around so, after it was good and dead (off to the side of the road with a kick, then allowed to debug for 24 hours), I put it in the bin. It has been warm around here lately. Above freezing fairly often. That thing will be nice and ripe. Good thing I did not catch them being creeps. I wonder if nicotine withdrawal is grounds for an insanity plea? And, yes, I am teasing, as I gnaw off a few fingers.
Oh, looks like my neighbors really have moved. All the furniture is gone, from the rooms I can see. There are a few filled trash bags in the kitchen area over there, the garage is empty, the car(s) have not been here for a bit… Looks like they split. Another neighbor, though very tentatively and cautiously, indicated that there may have been some disagreements next door and definitely saw a moving van or rider type vehicle. Hmm, having a door locked so well that you cannot be lived off seems to create problems for the needy. In any case, I am not unhappy about this. I hope my landlord uses a bit better sense when renting. If not, I am gone.
Ok, a few more things to do. Oh, and I even did some things not on my list, I am doing things well, I am not too tired, and it seems to be working out so far. Life will work, at this pace, I am pretty sure. But to increase the pace… I am working at it. Well, back to it. Remember, before walking into bars, duck. No reason to use your head when you could have just used your head. Or, think about it.
Update:
I keep getting more done. It is strange, to me. As I do things, I often find that I have to do as many as 2 or 3 additional steps to finish, some of those extend into the future through appointments or availability. Adding work, involvements, and complications to work in order to succeed. Yeah, ok, most of you know this. Most of you do not collapse and need sleep after a short run usually. It is not my body. It just hums along. Heavy weights... no problem, shovel a 20' drive... ok, hike 10 miles on a hot day... see ya there. But often, someone needs to take me there then start me out. Though, I still may not do whatever... stars have to be aligned or something. Most of you do not become confused beyond functioning when things become complicated, not calculus complicated, just a process requiring several different immediate processes or several processes you are not good at or with which you are unfamiliar.
I have been having a great lead up to class this term, and I think I am back on my way. The medicine does come through, if still a little on the mild side (a good thing). And, when I really push, I can get things to move. I can keep them moving a bit, and for a while now too. Boring to you normals, but it's news to me. After four years of perpetual gray exhaustion and confusion, this is a long awaited spring. Voc. Rehab. is planning on speaking with my doctor. It almost sounds as if that discussion is the most important, which makes sense. Oh, I have also been told that I will need to maintain a 3/4 level course load, as a minimum. I am a little nervous, but I think I can do this. Maybe more, I may be in better shape than ever before (since the fall), but... one thing at a time.
I have almost had a 12 hour work day, so far. I have made three appointments, contacted my medical facilitator in order to connect my doctor and my Voc. Rehab. councilor. Made several trips out for this or that. Found out what I need for those two to communicate legally and I will be doing that in the morning, while also taking care of a few other pieces of business while I am at it and there. I finally purchased some pals for Rocky (Rocky is my crawdad, his pals are 5 goldfish, he just loves them to death). My pistol is in a shop, in good hands from what I can tell, and I checked about a particular .308. I am just pricing at this point, but it seems they are not out yet anyway... I called my Mother, she is doing well after her surgery. She is still in the hospital but will probably be going home tomorrow, Friday if something comes up. And, after the stationary bicycle was a bit much for her, I started researching a bit. I found something called the gazelle. I have decided to get that to her for her recovery. If she does not like it, it can go back. But it is extremely low impact, it is easy for her to "mount", and she can use it without any resistance or with a goodly lot of it. But, she wouldn't be able to put it together, of course, so I made a call or two after that. I do not think it will be there the day she gets home, but by Monday, I am hoping. I have crossed as much off my list as possible, gone on to do at least one, maybe one and a half more list(s), and I am not quite done even with today. Tomorrow starts early again, and runs up until class is out at 8:00pm, I do believe.
Oh, right, I am looking for an electronic kit. You know, one of the non-solder multi-kits, one with a breadboard. For my electrical science class, and probably other classes, it would be quite nice. Along with my voltmeter, I should be able to play around and learn, and perhaps more practically, with the thing.
Maybe this ability to function will not last. I will take what I can get. I hope I am well caught up and a little ahead, if nothing else, if/when I crash again. But I am telling you, this IS very different and it IS winter, a very unusual mix. Well, back to it. Movies need to go back, an order placement or two needs to be made, and maybe one last phone call.
Oh, and goodnight.
Anyway, I even got the trash out this morning. The bastards did not take it though, just leaving a note telling me I need to get a new sticker. I hope they like that opossum next week. I found it dead in the road in front of my place and did not want to keep running over it and have it stinking and being further spread around so, after it was good and dead (off to the side of the road with a kick, then allowed to debug for 24 hours), I put it in the bin. It has been warm around here lately. Above freezing fairly often. That thing will be nice and ripe. Good thing I did not catch them being creeps. I wonder if nicotine withdrawal is grounds for an insanity plea? And, yes, I am teasing, as I gnaw off a few fingers.
Oh, looks like my neighbors really have moved. All the furniture is gone, from the rooms I can see. There are a few filled trash bags in the kitchen area over there, the garage is empty, the car(s) have not been here for a bit… Looks like they split. Another neighbor, though very tentatively and cautiously, indicated that there may have been some disagreements next door and definitely saw a moving van or rider type vehicle. Hmm, having a door locked so well that you cannot be lived off seems to create problems for the needy. In any case, I am not unhappy about this. I hope my landlord uses a bit better sense when renting. If not, I am gone.
Ok, a few more things to do. Oh, and I even did some things not on my list, I am doing things well, I am not too tired, and it seems to be working out so far. Life will work, at this pace, I am pretty sure. But to increase the pace… I am working at it. Well, back to it. Remember, before walking into bars, duck. No reason to use your head when you could have just used your head. Or, think about it.
Update:
I keep getting more done. It is strange, to me. As I do things, I often find that I have to do as many as 2 or 3 additional steps to finish, some of those extend into the future through appointments or availability. Adding work, involvements, and complications to work in order to succeed. Yeah, ok, most of you know this. Most of you do not collapse and need sleep after a short run usually. It is not my body. It just hums along. Heavy weights... no problem, shovel a 20' drive... ok, hike 10 miles on a hot day... see ya there. But often, someone needs to take me there then start me out. Though, I still may not do whatever... stars have to be aligned or something. Most of you do not become confused beyond functioning when things become complicated, not calculus complicated, just a process requiring several different immediate processes or several processes you are not good at or with which you are unfamiliar.
I have been having a great lead up to class this term, and I think I am back on my way. The medicine does come through, if still a little on the mild side (a good thing). And, when I really push, I can get things to move. I can keep them moving a bit, and for a while now too. Boring to you normals, but it's news to me. After four years of perpetual gray exhaustion and confusion, this is a long awaited spring. Voc. Rehab. is planning on speaking with my doctor. It almost sounds as if that discussion is the most important, which makes sense. Oh, I have also been told that I will need to maintain a 3/4 level course load, as a minimum. I am a little nervous, but I think I can do this. Maybe more, I may be in better shape than ever before (since the fall), but... one thing at a time.
I have almost had a 12 hour work day, so far. I have made three appointments, contacted my medical facilitator in order to connect my doctor and my Voc. Rehab. councilor. Made several trips out for this or that. Found out what I need for those two to communicate legally and I will be doing that in the morning, while also taking care of a few other pieces of business while I am at it and there. I finally purchased some pals for Rocky (Rocky is my crawdad, his pals are 5 goldfish, he just loves them to death). My pistol is in a shop, in good hands from what I can tell, and I checked about a particular .308. I am just pricing at this point, but it seems they are not out yet anyway... I called my Mother, she is doing well after her surgery. She is still in the hospital but will probably be going home tomorrow, Friday if something comes up. And, after the stationary bicycle was a bit much for her, I started researching a bit. I found something called the gazelle. I have decided to get that to her for her recovery. If she does not like it, it can go back. But it is extremely low impact, it is easy for her to "mount", and she can use it without any resistance or with a goodly lot of it. But, she wouldn't be able to put it together, of course, so I made a call or two after that. I do not think it will be there the day she gets home, but by Monday, I am hoping. I have crossed as much off my list as possible, gone on to do at least one, maybe one and a half more list(s), and I am not quite done even with today. Tomorrow starts early again, and runs up until class is out at 8:00pm, I do believe.
Oh, right, I am looking for an electronic kit. You know, one of the non-solder multi-kits, one with a breadboard. For my electrical science class, and probably other classes, it would be quite nice. Along with my voltmeter, I should be able to play around and learn, and perhaps more practically, with the thing.
Maybe this ability to function will not last. I will take what I can get. I hope I am well caught up and a little ahead, if nothing else, if/when I crash again. But I am telling you, this IS very different and it IS winter, a very unusual mix. Well, back to it. Movies need to go back, an order placement or two needs to be made, and maybe one last phone call.
Oh, and goodnight.
I have to laugh.
My site meter counter has doubled this last week! I am so excited. It means my most frequent visitor is like a mouse in a cage. The only outlet being the running wheel (internet). I do not know why, but my counter keeps counting me. Well, look at it this way, at least I have one ardent follower! So do we all! And no, I do not keep going back to read the beautiful prose on my site. I am not even sure I LIKE the author, let alone his work. I visit for the links. I used to have them in my browser’s favorites, along with many more. Since the crash, I have not bothered to put them back since I am still unsure about this machine.
My dreams must be interesting, but I do not remember. My arms are sore, one of my biceps feels like one huge knot which, if I am not gentle with, will coil and cramp. It has several times already, as I tried to ignore it or show it who was boss. The other arm is only slightly better. My forearms are pretty rough. At least only one leg is slightly sore. I am really tired, and it has been like this for the last three mornings. I suspect I am missing out on some serious dreamage though. Then again, you know what? I am not sure I want to know. I wish I could take a peep, and if it was fun, just jump in.
I watched “No Country for Old Men” last night. I must admit, it was not great. In my estimation, it was not even good. The sociopath had too much self awareness, acted evil. I just do not believe most sociopaths have any clue. It is like the guy who cannot smell anything. He smells horrible and yet has not a clue. I do not even think they sense it enough to react to the reaction in others. A sociopath, in my worldview, is like a wolf or a snake or a bear. He will do terrible things, but to him it is no more evil than changing a light bulb. I have some suspicion that the reason Hollywood ALWAYS misses this is it is so full of them it does not wish to offend. It chooses them, then breeds them, inculcates them, protects them, and finally tries to make their way the new American way, whether via socialism, communism, feminism, or whatever typical populist mechanism is available to it. What happens in Hollywood, stays in Hollywood, even if it gets buried around Vegas. Oooohhhhhh, says Drothy, Glinda would never do that… Dorothy, you knew better from your momma, quit acting. And, when they paid your dog better than the troop of midgets, you could not have been sleeping. Beside that, what exactly did you do to get the part, probably with your mother’s full knowledge, perhaps under her advisement.
Ok, rant over, back to the movie. It was not memorable. It was not superb in any way. I had hoped the real lead would come through in quietude, I thought he might save the day with a counter position to the psychotic, such as he was. Either they had ruined the part of the sociopath too grievously for this to work, or they just butchered this counter part as badly as they did the killer’s part. I saw nothing but a dim blur of difference and an old man who thought he might give up or not. There was nothing built in, nothing to bite into, nothing to separate, and the horror was lame. I see an attempt at bluntness of delivery and simple art. In my estimation, it failed miserably. The artistry attempted ending up being more horrible than the killings or the killer. I did like some of the weapons. Well, one of them. A silenced shotgun? Sss a weat! That is it for positives.
The only movie I found truly superior all around was Apocalypto. The parts I really liked about AVP where here, plus many all it's own, on top of everything else being top notch, professional, beautiful, and artistic. As the movie follows lives in that initial lead into the movie, I was shown the simple humor, the simple life, the nature of things, as if I was there. All not only well done but beyond believable and into natural. The acting, my word, if that was actual acting, Hollywood should watch. I do not think it remembers, for the most part, how to act. It was as if anthropologists had hidden extremely good cameras and voice recording devices in the area and picked up truly native scenes. I have, of course, never been exposed to “virgin societies”. Of course, it is not possible. Even if they exist, being introduced would end that societies blindness. Yet, I have been a party to some rather tribal settings (of several types). It is not exactly my first choice, but compared to some modern company, it can be preferred. At least the unlearned and unwashed are often humble enough to understand that not only do they not know, they understand they probably cannot know. Only so-called intellectuals seem to miss this point. (think about that one) In that manner, they are refreshing. In any case, I believe the movie captured the potential naiveté of the people quite well. It is not just the peoples who become subjugated, even the conquerors are simple by today’s standards. At least, at our upper levels of decision making. There are far more inputs and the complexity of those inputs is astronomical, there are ethical, legal, and moral implications, and a chain of command exists which might be larger than the whole South American population of that day. Simple, simple lives, simple choices, the conclusions were never in doubt.
In the end, the beautiful thing of about the movie is that it captured the beauty, or at least the nature of, of the killer being killed by the killer being killed by the… Ok, you get the point. There are no underdogs worth supporting. One could say, what about the villagers? And I would say, sure, possibly. But there are a few provisos. What would this tribe have done to a group who encroached and did not move on through, honestly? What would it do if it’s number swelled beyond it’s boundaries capacity to support it’s population? As well, the story has to start somewhere, we could go back to Adam stomping on the first ameba to kick off man’s sins, but we did not, the movie did not, and so there we are in a simple village. After the conquerors road rough-shod over an ever expanding area, for centuries at least, the bully meets a bigger bully. And, the bigger bully did precisely what bullies do, and they should have seen that coming. As a fact, hehe, they did. Still, the Spaniards were relatively decent in comparison. Not one mass blood sacrifice ritual was performed for God. The dead were killed in war, though true too, many died as slaves working hard dangerous work. But do you think these people were not slaves before the Spaniards, for the most part? Do not be foolish. The only thing the Spaniards did was eliminate the one percentile native non-slave class and the massive blood rituals. I really hate it when communist revisionist historians lie. Yes, we have them in the church, too.
Do not even start with… Oh, but these people here were living separate indigenous lives… Yes, but only because whatever major collective tribe existing at the time did not yet get there, had culled the area already (if outside of the local memory) but recently enough that they were letting it repopulate, etc. Why more of the Native Americans, North and South, were not combined is probably a simple matter of food production. With enough, if not absolutely conclusive, evidences of feast, feminine, and famine to the point of cannibalism, food production just was not mature enough on this continent. And there was no off-continent or intra-continental trade to marginalize drought, disease, war, or other typical issues. Europe, Asia, perhaps parts of Africa, had each made attempts at agriculture. It seems the more prolific the trader, the better the population they represented. Right or wrong, weak people are destroyed or used, underfoot as they are while, and especially while bringing no real value to a pagan or godless world. In modern parlance, if people own thousands of farm acres but neither farm nor build on them, our government or some private entity, or even a group of those, might very well find a way to strip the land away from whoever owns it and then use it for crops, housing plots, or whatever will benefit most those who have undertaken the theft. More so under liberal governance, have now doubt. (look at the judges who voted in favor of the government land grab which turned that land over to contractors with the logic that the government would get more tax revenue and the contractors would come out ahead too, evil today or centuries ago, but not unknown).
Again, it was an excellent movie. It’s portrayal of the native people was amazing. It’s look at the way things very well might have been is as accurate as could be produced. With the art and touches in the film, I doubt if any pure science could do better. As well, I think the science used was top notch. If it does not fit with common conventions, more likely than not, it is common convention which is incorrect. I would have no problems letting my children, say age 8, maybe a little older, watch it. I do not have kids though, so… take my advice for what it is worth. My kids will not be pussified… that is all I am saying.
Oh, and I tried to stay on course with the reviews. I just could not get it done. There are NO SPANIARD attacks in the movie, it's all Indians. I went way off track.
Oh, yeah. Day two of no tobacco. I am still grumpy. But, it is sort of a sneaky grumpiness. Rather than just bellowing like a bull and charging, this crankiness sets people up, then WHAM! So, be NICE or I may bite. *bite!* Hey, I can see it, and I can and do try to mitigate, but I am glad I am not someone bringing me bad news or disagreeing with me today. Wow… hehe Excuse me while I go chew on an iron bar.
My dreams must be interesting, but I do not remember. My arms are sore, one of my biceps feels like one huge knot which, if I am not gentle with, will coil and cramp. It has several times already, as I tried to ignore it or show it who was boss. The other arm is only slightly better. My forearms are pretty rough. At least only one leg is slightly sore. I am really tired, and it has been like this for the last three mornings. I suspect I am missing out on some serious dreamage though. Then again, you know what? I am not sure I want to know. I wish I could take a peep, and if it was fun, just jump in.
I watched “No Country for Old Men” last night. I must admit, it was not great. In my estimation, it was not even good. The sociopath had too much self awareness, acted evil. I just do not believe most sociopaths have any clue. It is like the guy who cannot smell anything. He smells horrible and yet has not a clue. I do not even think they sense it enough to react to the reaction in others. A sociopath, in my worldview, is like a wolf or a snake or a bear. He will do terrible things, but to him it is no more evil than changing a light bulb. I have some suspicion that the reason Hollywood ALWAYS misses this is it is so full of them it does not wish to offend. It chooses them, then breeds them, inculcates them, protects them, and finally tries to make their way the new American way, whether via socialism, communism, feminism, or whatever typical populist mechanism is available to it. What happens in Hollywood, stays in Hollywood, even if it gets buried around Vegas. Oooohhhhhh, says Drothy, Glinda would never do that… Dorothy, you knew better from your momma, quit acting. And, when they paid your dog better than the troop of midgets, you could not have been sleeping. Beside that, what exactly did you do to get the part, probably with your mother’s full knowledge, perhaps under her advisement.
Ok, rant over, back to the movie. It was not memorable. It was not superb in any way. I had hoped the real lead would come through in quietude, I thought he might save the day with a counter position to the psychotic, such as he was. Either they had ruined the part of the sociopath too grievously for this to work, or they just butchered this counter part as badly as they did the killer’s part. I saw nothing but a dim blur of difference and an old man who thought he might give up or not. There was nothing built in, nothing to bite into, nothing to separate, and the horror was lame. I see an attempt at bluntness of delivery and simple art. In my estimation, it failed miserably. The artistry attempted ending up being more horrible than the killings or the killer. I did like some of the weapons. Well, one of them. A silenced shotgun? Sss a weat! That is it for positives.
The only movie I found truly superior all around was Apocalypto. The parts I really liked about AVP where here, plus many all it's own, on top of everything else being top notch, professional, beautiful, and artistic. As the movie follows lives in that initial lead into the movie, I was shown the simple humor, the simple life, the nature of things, as if I was there. All not only well done but beyond believable and into natural. The acting, my word, if that was actual acting, Hollywood should watch. I do not think it remembers, for the most part, how to act. It was as if anthropologists had hidden extremely good cameras and voice recording devices in the area and picked up truly native scenes. I have, of course, never been exposed to “virgin societies”. Of course, it is not possible. Even if they exist, being introduced would end that societies blindness. Yet, I have been a party to some rather tribal settings (of several types). It is not exactly my first choice, but compared to some modern company, it can be preferred. At least the unlearned and unwashed are often humble enough to understand that not only do they not know, they understand they probably cannot know. Only so-called intellectuals seem to miss this point. (think about that one) In that manner, they are refreshing. In any case, I believe the movie captured the potential naiveté of the people quite well. It is not just the peoples who become subjugated, even the conquerors are simple by today’s standards. At least, at our upper levels of decision making. There are far more inputs and the complexity of those inputs is astronomical, there are ethical, legal, and moral implications, and a chain of command exists which might be larger than the whole South American population of that day. Simple, simple lives, simple choices, the conclusions were never in doubt.
In the end, the beautiful thing of about the movie is that it captured the beauty, or at least the nature of, of the killer being killed by the killer being killed by the… Ok, you get the point. There are no underdogs worth supporting. One could say, what about the villagers? And I would say, sure, possibly. But there are a few provisos. What would this tribe have done to a group who encroached and did not move on through, honestly? What would it do if it’s number swelled beyond it’s boundaries capacity to support it’s population? As well, the story has to start somewhere, we could go back to Adam stomping on the first ameba to kick off man’s sins, but we did not, the movie did not, and so there we are in a simple village. After the conquerors road rough-shod over an ever expanding area, for centuries at least, the bully meets a bigger bully. And, the bigger bully did precisely what bullies do, and they should have seen that coming. As a fact, hehe, they did. Still, the Spaniards were relatively decent in comparison. Not one mass blood sacrifice ritual was performed for God. The dead were killed in war, though true too, many died as slaves working hard dangerous work. But do you think these people were not slaves before the Spaniards, for the most part? Do not be foolish. The only thing the Spaniards did was eliminate the one percentile native non-slave class and the massive blood rituals. I really hate it when communist revisionist historians lie. Yes, we have them in the church, too.
Do not even start with… Oh, but these people here were living separate indigenous lives… Yes, but only because whatever major collective tribe existing at the time did not yet get there, had culled the area already (if outside of the local memory) but recently enough that they were letting it repopulate, etc. Why more of the Native Americans, North and South, were not combined is probably a simple matter of food production. With enough, if not absolutely conclusive, evidences of feast, feminine, and famine to the point of cannibalism, food production just was not mature enough on this continent. And there was no off-continent or intra-continental trade to marginalize drought, disease, war, or other typical issues. Europe, Asia, perhaps parts of Africa, had each made attempts at agriculture. It seems the more prolific the trader, the better the population they represented. Right or wrong, weak people are destroyed or used, underfoot as they are while, and especially while bringing no real value to a pagan or godless world. In modern parlance, if people own thousands of farm acres but neither farm nor build on them, our government or some private entity, or even a group of those, might very well find a way to strip the land away from whoever owns it and then use it for crops, housing plots, or whatever will benefit most those who have undertaken the theft. More so under liberal governance, have now doubt. (look at the judges who voted in favor of the government land grab which turned that land over to contractors with the logic that the government would get more tax revenue and the contractors would come out ahead too, evil today or centuries ago, but not unknown).
Again, it was an excellent movie. It’s portrayal of the native people was amazing. It’s look at the way things very well might have been is as accurate as could be produced. With the art and touches in the film, I doubt if any pure science could do better. As well, I think the science used was top notch. If it does not fit with common conventions, more likely than not, it is common convention which is incorrect. I would have no problems letting my children, say age 8, maybe a little older, watch it. I do not have kids though, so… take my advice for what it is worth. My kids will not be pussified… that is all I am saying.
Oh, and I tried to stay on course with the reviews. I just could not get it done. There are NO SPANIARD attacks in the movie, it's all Indians. I went way off track.
Oh, yeah. Day two of no tobacco. I am still grumpy. But, it is sort of a sneaky grumpiness. Rather than just bellowing like a bull and charging, this crankiness sets people up, then WHAM! So, be NICE or I may bite. *bite!* Hey, I can see it, and I can and do try to mitigate, but I am glad I am not someone bringing me bad news or disagreeing with me today. Wow… hehe Excuse me while I go chew on an iron bar.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Let us start with the ugly. I had to awaken early today, and at a specific time. I had a number of errands to do, and a rough appointment or two. It was not fun, pretty, speedy, or without some doubts, but my rise occurred within the widow frame of time allotted. I had to push, take this, drink that, stumble like a zombie through undressing, showering, and dressing again. Ugly, I tell you. I do not think I was fully awake until after my first appointment, and a fifth of the way to my next appointment. Thankfully the first appointment was hit it with a hammer, done, type business. I had no need for memory, thought, just gab, grab, and skip. Which, as it might seem, I can pretty much… you guessed it… do in my sleep. I made it to my last appointment (scheduled) a bit later in it’s allotted time frame, yet not pressingly so. After that meeting, I was directed to another meeting, which went very smoothly. On the way out of the last place, I took a risk and attempted to make a connection I have been meaning to make. Bauttaboom, battabing, in, able, ready, done.
Ok, you might want to know what I actually did. I went to the U. of I. and picked up my transcripts. I should have done this before, long ago actually. I should also have had my other schools send transcripts, long ago. As it turns out, though, not really. My academic adviser was not available until today (since as far back as I have been trying to arrange this, which is further back than my financial aid needs). He was only interested in the U. of I. transcript, and there was no way to change any of that from my side, or by getting it done earlier, nor by getting all the information. It turns out there are only about 6 courses left at Kirkwood before I am dumped back into the U. of I. or wherever. Ok, after the meeting with my specific field academic advisor, I needed to visit with a woman in the general advisor area. Cool, she was pleasant and we got to work quickly. At first she was a bit… cold, she almost seemed angry. But once she realized… something?... she became nearly friendly but certainly more helpful. I like nice people, but in the end, pissall, I will take useful first by a long shot. Well, this still does not quite get done what I needed done, it only sets up Kirkwood and sets a track, or will complete that soon. Now I need to go to the U. of I. and talk to someone there. Which is fine, as I have some business I really should take care of beyond this need. You see, those last two terms, the terms I tried to take while initially taking high blood pressure medicine, I wiped out horribly. I thought I had properly withdrawn at least one, or at least medically removed those courses, but it seems either I did not get around to it or they bungled up (about 50/50 shot there, fugg, at least I am disabled as my excuse, lame and overused as it might be).
What was all this running around, and why do I need to do more? Because the Veterans Vocational Rehabilitation Services would like to deep six my record, and probably any memory of me if they could. Yet, it seems, before they do, they have to act like or actually really give me a chance to get some paperwork in before they can kill the deal. They wanted this done before Christmas, I indicated that I had already been trying to reach Kirkwood academic advising and one of my former schools, and I had heard nothing back. I am not sure how much time I have, so I am really trying to push. However, I cannot make someone create time, offer an appointment to see me, or force records keepers to return from vacation early. Nor can I force someone at Kirkwood to give me information needed from someone at the U. of I. Ack… So, I rush a bit.
Oh, and the last business I finished today was with my former math professor. I stopped in to see if we could talk or if we could plan a time to talk. Well, ok, my test was not the greatest. It was not even close to an A. I still think I did better than most, a point he would not… discuss. Confidentiality seems to be the deal, then again maybe he did not realize what I was asking. I was rather oblique. I suspect he did NOT curve, not a bit. And, I think, only about 1/2 of the class even passed. Still, in a straight out thing, it was not a pretty test. Even now, I caught most of my errors. There was one problem I did not remember, beyond where I was correct anyway. I am not sure about it's formulaically solution, though in truth a minor thing, a thing I will look up when messing with those problems. My average, for the whole class was just above 83. Well, I did not fail, and I had to haul some serious math butt in the beginning just to catch up. Still, I am disappointed. I think was impressed. In any case, as I was leaving, I asked for advice on a few topics, I thanked him for what I felt was him doing his part of the work, and congratulated him for what I believed to be an excellent course delivery and direction, then I wished him a good year, and headed out the door.
Required math is complete, but there is keeping up and boning up on statistics. Meh, it could happen.
Ok, so having completed that as well as I could, I headed back to Coralville. I stopped in at Sluggers, a gay sports bar, or so Bane seems to think of sports bars. Ha, actually I think he is half right. Then again, just about everything in this town could be gay, outright or on the sly. I watch my step and I make sure my intentions are explicitly clear. I have never tried it, but I think I could rip the testicles off a man. And really, I am curious. I did lift a guy by his balls once, but it was not because he thought I was cute or anything. He thought he was faster than I was big, and I was pretty sure he was wrong. Still, I had this diplomatic core type gal serve me. She was pretty, but she was trying to seduce me for tip. She sucked at it. She was pretty and pleasant most of the time, but ladies, if you must lower yourself to whoredome, a quick tip… do not be aggressive about it, to not be syrupy, do not be competitive (with who you are trying to sell to). With someone like me, I will blow you off. With a John in whatever form that goes, you will get your face bashed in. If you are going to play, know the rules.
Anyway, then I grabbed a couple of movies, Pathfinder and Apocolypto. I just wanted to see some of my ancestors fight and die. From what I can tell, all of them where my ancestors. Though, I freely admit to having favorites. As such, Pathfinder in some ways really sucked. If I had a time travel machine, and could take my guns back, fuggg. I would own their and your butt too. Even if I could not take my guns, how long do you think it would take me to build even a six shooter or a gatling gun, artillery, grenades, and even an engine (gas or steam, whatever would be doable). Of course, I would own all continents. On the good side, Marx and Hitler… You would not have heard of them. As well, communism and muslam would not be around. I would not have played patty cake like Western governments seem to prefer to do with lethal evil ideas, government systems, and religions (both are all three of those). Ok, I think you get the point. In those times, that was how it was done, shut up about it. I hate the whining about oppression, then having it be (by necessity I assume) one of the oppressors, by breed, who saves the poor stupid injuns. Damn, you CAN NOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, OK!. Either the indians were stupid good for nothing targets, or they were brutal but foolish warriors. They were self sufficient, or they were not. Same with the Vikings. By the way, since the Vikings, as a people, are extinct or nearly so, why do they not have reservations? Because they are damn smart. Doh! One way I can heave and take it, the other way I can snarl and accept, not friggin both ways! Rant over. However, there was plenty of blood and guts, some of it was ok, all in all it was a hokey revisionist sack of jaweya crap. I do not think there is much salvageable there. (They did not even show the chief pathfinder dude being split apart… Bah!) I have not seen Apocolypto yet, so what can I say. And, I plan on heading out to see “No Country for Old Men” shortly.
Oh, I received a call from one of the men working with those of us set to give talks. Urhm, he indicated there was an outline in the material I received. Well, ok. After reading that, I am in a bit of a funk. It is not fitting, on top of that, I am expected to give my speech first in the practice sessions. Yes, January 13th, I will have to present for the first time, though only to the small group of us presenters and the group facilitators. The problem is that the advise in the outline is confusing and seems outside of my understanding. I have been blindsided by this data. On top of that, I have been advised that I need to have scripture verses prepared for and somehow with and in my speech. What? And music. Ok, I thought I read this material well, and I missed all of that. Missing the outline and advise it offers is one thing, but still, I see little in regard to bible verses except what is offered in the general outline (no advice for my own), and absolutely nothing about music. Well, verses, yeah, I can do that. I have not maintained what I once had, and yet, when someone happens to quote and is stupid about it, I can still shoot them down by paraphrasing or expanding their reading a bit. I really hate it when an idiot sees three words in the book and things they know what I should do. WHAM! Turn the other cheek, thank…you. WHAM! Make no doubt, I suffer not the little fluffy fools. And you better not be a shuckster… Not with God’s word. Anyway…
Oh, no headache today. I was too busy this morning to remember to check, too tired before that to remember, and now I am fine. I am heading out for that last show. I’ve decided to relax and just write what I am as I am for the men’s group, and see what advise works. Oh, and I quit chew last night. Yeah, if you were wonder wherefore the thunder and lightning… Such a gentle giant, I… officer… I am not sure why he booted the trespasser across the street, jumped over on top of him, and flung him around like that. I… I think he was mad… Yes, thank you man. Your help has been very helpful. Bah! So I am a little grumpy, fidgety, and such… Oh, I cannot really track my righting today either.
Ok, you might want to know what I actually did. I went to the U. of I. and picked up my transcripts. I should have done this before, long ago actually. I should also have had my other schools send transcripts, long ago. As it turns out, though, not really. My academic adviser was not available until today (since as far back as I have been trying to arrange this, which is further back than my financial aid needs). He was only interested in the U. of I. transcript, and there was no way to change any of that from my side, or by getting it done earlier, nor by getting all the information. It turns out there are only about 6 courses left at Kirkwood before I am dumped back into the U. of I. or wherever. Ok, after the meeting with my specific field academic advisor, I needed to visit with a woman in the general advisor area. Cool, she was pleasant and we got to work quickly. At first she was a bit… cold, she almost seemed angry. But once she realized… something?... she became nearly friendly but certainly more helpful. I like nice people, but in the end, pissall, I will take useful first by a long shot. Well, this still does not quite get done what I needed done, it only sets up Kirkwood and sets a track, or will complete that soon. Now I need to go to the U. of I. and talk to someone there. Which is fine, as I have some business I really should take care of beyond this need. You see, those last two terms, the terms I tried to take while initially taking high blood pressure medicine, I wiped out horribly. I thought I had properly withdrawn at least one, or at least medically removed those courses, but it seems either I did not get around to it or they bungled up (about 50/50 shot there, fugg, at least I am disabled as my excuse, lame and overused as it might be).
What was all this running around, and why do I need to do more? Because the Veterans Vocational Rehabilitation Services would like to deep six my record, and probably any memory of me if they could. Yet, it seems, before they do, they have to act like or actually really give me a chance to get some paperwork in before they can kill the deal. They wanted this done before Christmas, I indicated that I had already been trying to reach Kirkwood academic advising and one of my former schools, and I had heard nothing back. I am not sure how much time I have, so I am really trying to push. However, I cannot make someone create time, offer an appointment to see me, or force records keepers to return from vacation early. Nor can I force someone at Kirkwood to give me information needed from someone at the U. of I. Ack… So, I rush a bit.
Oh, and the last business I finished today was with my former math professor. I stopped in to see if we could talk or if we could plan a time to talk. Well, ok, my test was not the greatest. It was not even close to an A. I still think I did better than most, a point he would not… discuss. Confidentiality seems to be the deal, then again maybe he did not realize what I was asking. I was rather oblique. I suspect he did NOT curve, not a bit. And, I think, only about 1/2 of the class even passed. Still, in a straight out thing, it was not a pretty test. Even now, I caught most of my errors. There was one problem I did not remember, beyond where I was correct anyway. I am not sure about it's formulaically solution, though in truth a minor thing, a thing I will look up when messing with those problems. My average, for the whole class was just above 83. Well, I did not fail, and I had to haul some serious math butt in the beginning just to catch up. Still, I am disappointed. I think was impressed. In any case, as I was leaving, I asked for advice on a few topics, I thanked him for what I felt was him doing his part of the work, and congratulated him for what I believed to be an excellent course delivery and direction, then I wished him a good year, and headed out the door.
Required math is complete, but there is keeping up and boning up on statistics. Meh, it could happen.
Ok, so having completed that as well as I could, I headed back to Coralville. I stopped in at Sluggers, a gay sports bar, or so Bane seems to think of sports bars. Ha, actually I think he is half right. Then again, just about everything in this town could be gay, outright or on the sly. I watch my step and I make sure my intentions are explicitly clear. I have never tried it, but I think I could rip the testicles off a man. And really, I am curious. I did lift a guy by his balls once, but it was not because he thought I was cute or anything. He thought he was faster than I was big, and I was pretty sure he was wrong. Still, I had this diplomatic core type gal serve me. She was pretty, but she was trying to seduce me for tip. She sucked at it. She was pretty and pleasant most of the time, but ladies, if you must lower yourself to whoredome, a quick tip… do not be aggressive about it, to not be syrupy, do not be competitive (with who you are trying to sell to). With someone like me, I will blow you off. With a John in whatever form that goes, you will get your face bashed in. If you are going to play, know the rules.
Anyway, then I grabbed a couple of movies, Pathfinder and Apocolypto. I just wanted to see some of my ancestors fight and die. From what I can tell, all of them where my ancestors. Though, I freely admit to having favorites. As such, Pathfinder in some ways really sucked. If I had a time travel machine, and could take my guns back, fuggg. I would own their and your butt too. Even if I could not take my guns, how long do you think it would take me to build even a six shooter or a gatling gun, artillery, grenades, and even an engine (gas or steam, whatever would be doable). Of course, I would own all continents. On the good side, Marx and Hitler… You would not have heard of them. As well, communism and muslam would not be around. I would not have played patty cake like Western governments seem to prefer to do with lethal evil ideas, government systems, and religions (both are all three of those). Ok, I think you get the point. In those times, that was how it was done, shut up about it. I hate the whining about oppression, then having it be (by necessity I assume) one of the oppressors, by breed, who saves the poor stupid injuns. Damn, you CAN NOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, OK!. Either the indians were stupid good for nothing targets, or they were brutal but foolish warriors. They were self sufficient, or they were not. Same with the Vikings. By the way, since the Vikings, as a people, are extinct or nearly so, why do they not have reservations? Because they are damn smart. Doh! One way I can heave and take it, the other way I can snarl and accept, not friggin both ways! Rant over. However, there was plenty of blood and guts, some of it was ok, all in all it was a hokey revisionist sack of jaweya crap. I do not think there is much salvageable there. (They did not even show the chief pathfinder dude being split apart… Bah!) I have not seen Apocolypto yet, so what can I say. And, I plan on heading out to see “No Country for Old Men” shortly.
Oh, I received a call from one of the men working with those of us set to give talks. Urhm, he indicated there was an outline in the material I received. Well, ok. After reading that, I am in a bit of a funk. It is not fitting, on top of that, I am expected to give my speech first in the practice sessions. Yes, January 13th, I will have to present for the first time, though only to the small group of us presenters and the group facilitators. The problem is that the advise in the outline is confusing and seems outside of my understanding. I have been blindsided by this data. On top of that, I have been advised that I need to have scripture verses prepared for and somehow with and in my speech. What? And music. Ok, I thought I read this material well, and I missed all of that. Missing the outline and advise it offers is one thing, but still, I see little in regard to bible verses except what is offered in the general outline (no advice for my own), and absolutely nothing about music. Well, verses, yeah, I can do that. I have not maintained what I once had, and yet, when someone happens to quote and is stupid about it, I can still shoot them down by paraphrasing or expanding their reading a bit. I really hate it when an idiot sees three words in the book and things they know what I should do. WHAM! Turn the other cheek, thank…you. WHAM! Make no doubt, I suffer not the little fluffy fools. And you better not be a shuckster… Not with God’s word. Anyway…
Oh, no headache today. I was too busy this morning to remember to check, too tired before that to remember, and now I am fine. I am heading out for that last show. I’ve decided to relax and just write what I am as I am for the men’s group, and see what advise works. Oh, and I quit chew last night. Yeah, if you were wonder wherefore the thunder and lightning… Such a gentle giant, I… officer… I am not sure why he booted the trespasser across the street, jumped over on top of him, and flung him around like that. I… I think he was mad… Yes, thank you man. Your help has been very helpful. Bah! So I am a little grumpy, fidgety, and such… Oh, I cannot really track my righting today either.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Headache, a bad one.
Today has been, interesting. Trying to think clearly, looking at the world totally differently (because it helps ever so slightly to tilt my head to the left or right, no, no, the other... ouch), and trying to stay awake and do a few things in spite of the pain and nausea. The pain is not horrible, just bad enough to get my attention and pretty much hold it. It is not a migraine, or at least not as bad as the really neat ones. But low light, slow movements, avoidance of noise, and eating small bits from time to time seem to balance life enough that I can do some things. It waxes and wanes, but has not even come close to being nice today. My response to one of k’s comments was a work of art in my condition. I think I spelled things ok, and used grammar so-so, but it couldn’t have been my best. I was pretty satisfied with the message though, I think. I’ll see it when my head hurts less.
As far as getting much else done, though, it just did not happen. I took some ibuprofen, and tried to nap. On these little ones, it sometimes works. It was a no go. So, I have tinkered and looked, reading a bit, and tried to keep everything copasetic. At least I should sleep well tonight. It actually takes a lot of energy to just keep going on the little things, pacing rather than just doing is what wears me out I think. I actually do not mind these unless I have to choke back the emesis, crush my head between pillows, and watch the spark show in my head. It is usually pretty cool, the spark show, if I could relax and enjoy.
Well, that is it for today. Maybe they will pull the spike out of my voodoo doll head tomorrow and I will play and work a bit more vigorously. I did say a bit more… Ouch, I should not even think things like that at the moment.
As far as getting much else done, though, it just did not happen. I took some ibuprofen, and tried to nap. On these little ones, it sometimes works. It was a no go. So, I have tinkered and looked, reading a bit, and tried to keep everything copasetic. At least I should sleep well tonight. It actually takes a lot of energy to just keep going on the little things, pacing rather than just doing is what wears me out I think. I actually do not mind these unless I have to choke back the emesis, crush my head between pillows, and watch the spark show in my head. It is usually pretty cool, the spark show, if I could relax and enjoy.
Well, that is it for today. Maybe they will pull the spike out of my voodoo doll head tomorrow and I will play and work a bit more vigorously. I did say a bit more… Ouch, I should not even think things like that at the moment.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Working on an important task.
I have been asked to give a 25 to 30 minute speech, a witness really, to a men’s Catholic meeting. The meeting is March 7th-9th. I am not sure which day I will be called to profess, but I do know the topic. Of course, they would pick one completely out of my area of thought, that being self knowledge. Well, ok, a little tongue-in-cheek there. After having spent decades discerning my life in an attempt to find solutions, I am in good shape to begin the drafting process. Which, today, I have officially begun. We will be having 5 meetings, those of us giving a speech. I am not sure exactly what the groups will entail, but I have been lead to believe assistance and practice will occur. A relief, that, to be sure.
So far I have opened most of my life up and put it on file. I have a bit more to do, and there will be revisions. What I have not touched yet, is what that means. What has the calculator of life taught me, what do I know about myself from it, and is there a message to others. Do I have advice, explicit or implicit or even within the telling alone? I am not sure how I will do that. But, I have been thinking about this on the lead up to my writing. I have known that I would be doing this for several months now, and it has always been ticking back in the quiet parts of my mind. I am really hoping to pull this together into a fantastic piece. Perhaps my best piece, and maybe way out of my normal range. I would not do this for a class, it just is not my interest and in this case, too personal. Only in a work to glory God would I even attempt this, and to share perhaps inspire or assist my fellows. And, it will only be possible with assistance from the other men, certain others, and of course God.
The first of those meetings is the 13th of this month. I hope to have a full working draft and a second, heavily edited slightly polished writing by then. As well, I hope to have it done with a day or two remaining in order to give the speech out loud a few times, and in the mirror a few times.
By the way, this is not going to be easy. Beside not being an orator by choice, what I will be saying, and with what I am saying in mind who will be listening, is enough to really sober me on this. Imagine giving a speech on Victorian principles… to a NOW convention. Sinning, I have done that. I still do. I know and have done things that heard, burn the ears of sailors and marines, even my mother (I wish she read here more often, if she did not get in a snoot, she would enjoy this… flip a coin on that though). Not only will the room be filled with Catholic men, there will be priests present, and there will be nuns present. I will certainly take considerations from my fellow orators and the group leaders under advisement. I may verbally prepare the nuns, or enough that if they choose they may opt out. After having been to confession a time or two though, I am not so worried about the priests. I just hope they do not get bored and nap! In spite of the sobriety of the thing, I am finding places where humor just fits. I will just have to see if the humor actually works beyond the borders of my mind.
That was my day, in a nutshell. And my day is nearly done. Oh, laundry. A few more pieces and I am finished with that. Two things off my list, and a t-bone, potato with butter and sour cream (fat full), and buttered steamed brussels sprout dinner, with a fresh oven made bun which was buttered, salted, and flavored with garlic then warmed in the cooling oven, plus a big glass of whole milk. Nothing says happy like a belly full of real food. Ok, there is some debate there, but that is what I have. Oh, look at the time! I think it is… yep… beer thirty. Please excuse me while I debate the above, with what I have anyway.
So far I have opened most of my life up and put it on file. I have a bit more to do, and there will be revisions. What I have not touched yet, is what that means. What has the calculator of life taught me, what do I know about myself from it, and is there a message to others. Do I have advice, explicit or implicit or even within the telling alone? I am not sure how I will do that. But, I have been thinking about this on the lead up to my writing. I have known that I would be doing this for several months now, and it has always been ticking back in the quiet parts of my mind. I am really hoping to pull this together into a fantastic piece. Perhaps my best piece, and maybe way out of my normal range. I would not do this for a class, it just is not my interest and in this case, too personal. Only in a work to glory God would I even attempt this, and to share perhaps inspire or assist my fellows. And, it will only be possible with assistance from the other men, certain others, and of course God.
The first of those meetings is the 13th of this month. I hope to have a full working draft and a second, heavily edited slightly polished writing by then. As well, I hope to have it done with a day or two remaining in order to give the speech out loud a few times, and in the mirror a few times.
By the way, this is not going to be easy. Beside not being an orator by choice, what I will be saying, and with what I am saying in mind who will be listening, is enough to really sober me on this. Imagine giving a speech on Victorian principles… to a NOW convention. Sinning, I have done that. I still do. I know and have done things that heard, burn the ears of sailors and marines, even my mother (I wish she read here more often, if she did not get in a snoot, she would enjoy this… flip a coin on that though). Not only will the room be filled with Catholic men, there will be priests present, and there will be nuns present. I will certainly take considerations from my fellow orators and the group leaders under advisement. I may verbally prepare the nuns, or enough that if they choose they may opt out. After having been to confession a time or two though, I am not so worried about the priests. I just hope they do not get bored and nap! In spite of the sobriety of the thing, I am finding places where humor just fits. I will just have to see if the humor actually works beyond the borders of my mind.
That was my day, in a nutshell. And my day is nearly done. Oh, laundry. A few more pieces and I am finished with that. Two things off my list, and a t-bone, potato with butter and sour cream (fat full), and buttered steamed brussels sprout dinner, with a fresh oven made bun which was buttered, salted, and flavored with garlic then warmed in the cooling oven, plus a big glass of whole milk. Nothing says happy like a belly full of real food. Ok, there is some debate there, but that is what I have. Oh, look at the time! I think it is… yep… beer thirty. Please excuse me while I debate the above, with what I have anyway.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Alien Versus Predator
I enjoyed the movie. It was not a fright flick, or a gore flick, really. In the simple view, it considered the lives of a small group of individuals who had to think fast or die. And the reality of it is, even a good choice could be the last. There was somewhat of a Hollywood ending, though it was not as free as most of their fairy tales. My guess, it still was not over. The kid brother is going to be a daddy, if they decide to go farther. Lots of spin from that, either they missed it in the evacuation physical because it was dormant, the military found it but wanted to play with it, you know, the usual suspects. They might even be original, somehow.
The closer view has nothing to do with the actors on the stage, the monsters are irrelevant and only look and act as they do in order to simplify the differentiation between aspects. The whole movie was about us, and I do not believe it was just about some of us. Of course, the way it was presented only appeals to some. The real story is about what is under our skin, namely the animal, the intellect, and the soul. In my take, the humans are the soul. Our soul here is weak here, battered by our mind and our instincts, or more what those lead us to do, be. The beast is the Alien, ravaging, raping, killing, and using, it does what it does without thought, though not unintelligently. It is beautiful in it’s nature and terrible in it’s truth. It is even innocent in it’s own way. The Predator is the master of it's flesh and surroundings using the mind along with a separation from soul. It thinks, plans, creates, and overcomes seemingly overwhelming situations with technology and confidence. It sees well what it does and does not care. It has not completely left it’s animal aspect behind, saving it as a last resource. It’s soul, however, is in some galactic disposal unit.
I see it so plainly for a simple reason. Those aspects within me have now become independently potent. On a day when I can get even two of those to function in conjunction, things can sort of get going. Those are rare days indeed but two out of three is not complete, nor am I on those days. I wear down as the battles rage. I consciously have decided which I will, it is the soul. Yet it is not in my hands. I lost my will when I died, one of the times, or when I walked away from the Navy against my will, or perhaps it was suicide which was the final blow to my control. As well, some things weakened me before the fall from grace, sort of like being weakened by a cold so then you cannot fight off influenza. I will never be sure what severed the link that binds the three, or even what activated them so... fully. I am working on re-integration. To get all three on board enough to become mobile would mean… In any case… The help I have received was spot on, except that it ignored the whole spiritual aspect. Science has failed in this way. It exemplifies the predator, and perhaps more, psychology is only a… weak science. A flawed weak science even in it’s own domain. But that it is devoid of religion and that certainty makes it impotent to any but the most domesticated socialized of those among us. A priestly psychologist who specializes in my, urhm, affliction might be able to help. However, I doubt if they are even allowed into the field, at least without being stripped of God. Hmm, I had not considered such a thing until now…
Oh, the other thing about the movie… It is based where I am planning to move, that city and state. Yes, it is a real place. I hate when that happens. Or, I guess I do not. It was just, odd.
Update:
I rented two movies I had meant to see, on my way home. I just could not function to get to the theaters. One is 'Skin Walkers' the other is 'The Reaping'. There was another one I had actually intended to rent, but my mind completely blanked. Something about an Indian raised Viking. I plan to see Beowulf (a childhood favorite) and 'No Country for Old Men'. The last of those I will hold off seeing until a friend decides whether he will go. He, as a personal rule, does not attend R movies unless they have some significance. He is an English grad student, and is aware of the author, so... maybe. I am trying to gear up and get going a bit. I love the movies, and have missed many I wanted to see. So, I suppose I will combine the two and get the threefer, somehow.
Update:
I awoke very late today, rolling out of the rack at 14:00, and moving slow. I stayed up and watched the movies until nearly 6:00. Well, that and I was running some checks on my computer.
Skin Walker was a movie I am grateful I did not spend money watching in the theater (though I had some suspicions even then, and planned to catch the dvd). If you want to see a good werewolf and vampire flick, watch Underworld (I is good, II is very good). I made a mistake with Underworld I, and did not see it in the theaters... my bad. Back to Skin Walker... The acting, directing, story, plot... just did not exist. I really wonder if that was a $10k college, high school, or biker gang developed movie. The transformations from human to beast will set back my notions of that myth for a long time, sadly. Some things just cannot be unseen. Even the werewolf forms, after the transformations, were poor. And I have read better stories, much better stories, written by elementary students. There was no subtlety, no intrigue, poor detail... I really could keep going, but why? Watch it if you have absolutely nothing to do but kill time and do not care how.
The Reaping was at least interesting. It was not a great movie, or even a good movie. Far better than Skin Walkers, however. And, not something I regret watching. My real complaint is that it could have been done a great deal better. There is a plot, the story is not bad at all (though devoid of the detail it could have had, and really for which it was primed), acting and directing were decent, though the camera takes were a bit weak. Filming and detail where areas the movie fell down hard, though aspects of the ending were also rather lame. The characters are fairly real and likable, well done, and not too badly acted. They could have really pushed the envelope on this, but it looks like they started out with a great thing and then... just did it fast, on a budget, then dumped it into the theater. It has it's moments, it is interesting, it is worth watching on a slow day which you wish to keep slow. Oh, and a definite plus for the movie was that, though it's take on Christianity and faith are not quite my ideal, if you bear with it for a bit, it is rewarding. I was very surprised, and pleased, with the portrayal of this aspect of the movie, for the most part. It is as good as you get, in theaters anyway.
The closer view has nothing to do with the actors on the stage, the monsters are irrelevant and only look and act as they do in order to simplify the differentiation between aspects. The whole movie was about us, and I do not believe it was just about some of us. Of course, the way it was presented only appeals to some. The real story is about what is under our skin, namely the animal, the intellect, and the soul. In my take, the humans are the soul. Our soul here is weak here, battered by our mind and our instincts, or more what those lead us to do, be. The beast is the Alien, ravaging, raping, killing, and using, it does what it does without thought, though not unintelligently. It is beautiful in it’s nature and terrible in it’s truth. It is even innocent in it’s own way. The Predator is the master of it's flesh and surroundings using the mind along with a separation from soul. It thinks, plans, creates, and overcomes seemingly overwhelming situations with technology and confidence. It sees well what it does and does not care. It has not completely left it’s animal aspect behind, saving it as a last resource. It’s soul, however, is in some galactic disposal unit.
I see it so plainly for a simple reason. Those aspects within me have now become independently potent. On a day when I can get even two of those to function in conjunction, things can sort of get going. Those are rare days indeed but two out of three is not complete, nor am I on those days. I wear down as the battles rage. I consciously have decided which I will, it is the soul. Yet it is not in my hands. I lost my will when I died, one of the times, or when I walked away from the Navy against my will, or perhaps it was suicide which was the final blow to my control. As well, some things weakened me before the fall from grace, sort of like being weakened by a cold so then you cannot fight off influenza. I will never be sure what severed the link that binds the three, or even what activated them so... fully. I am working on re-integration. To get all three on board enough to become mobile would mean… In any case… The help I have received was spot on, except that it ignored the whole spiritual aspect. Science has failed in this way. It exemplifies the predator, and perhaps more, psychology is only a… weak science. A flawed weak science even in it’s own domain. But that it is devoid of religion and that certainty makes it impotent to any but the most domesticated socialized of those among us. A priestly psychologist who specializes in my, urhm, affliction might be able to help. However, I doubt if they are even allowed into the field, at least without being stripped of God. Hmm, I had not considered such a thing until now…
Oh, the other thing about the movie… It is based where I am planning to move, that city and state. Yes, it is a real place. I hate when that happens. Or, I guess I do not. It was just, odd.
Update:
I rented two movies I had meant to see, on my way home. I just could not function to get to the theaters. One is 'Skin Walkers' the other is 'The Reaping'. There was another one I had actually intended to rent, but my mind completely blanked. Something about an Indian raised Viking. I plan to see Beowulf (a childhood favorite) and 'No Country for Old Men'. The last of those I will hold off seeing until a friend decides whether he will go. He, as a personal rule, does not attend R movies unless they have some significance. He is an English grad student, and is aware of the author, so... maybe. I am trying to gear up and get going a bit. I love the movies, and have missed many I wanted to see. So, I suppose I will combine the two and get the threefer, somehow.
Update:
I awoke very late today, rolling out of the rack at 14:00, and moving slow. I stayed up and watched the movies until nearly 6:00. Well, that and I was running some checks on my computer.
Skin Walker was a movie I am grateful I did not spend money watching in the theater (though I had some suspicions even then, and planned to catch the dvd). If you want to see a good werewolf and vampire flick, watch Underworld (I is good, II is very good). I made a mistake with Underworld I, and did not see it in the theaters... my bad. Back to Skin Walker... The acting, directing, story, plot... just did not exist. I really wonder if that was a $10k college, high school, or biker gang developed movie. The transformations from human to beast will set back my notions of that myth for a long time, sadly. Some things just cannot be unseen. Even the werewolf forms, after the transformations, were poor. And I have read better stories, much better stories, written by elementary students. There was no subtlety, no intrigue, poor detail... I really could keep going, but why? Watch it if you have absolutely nothing to do but kill time and do not care how.
The Reaping was at least interesting. It was not a great movie, or even a good movie. Far better than Skin Walkers, however. And, not something I regret watching. My real complaint is that it could have been done a great deal better. There is a plot, the story is not bad at all (though devoid of the detail it could have had, and really for which it was primed), acting and directing were decent, though the camera takes were a bit weak. Filming and detail where areas the movie fell down hard, though aspects of the ending were also rather lame. The characters are fairly real and likable, well done, and not too badly acted. They could have really pushed the envelope on this, but it looks like they started out with a great thing and then... just did it fast, on a budget, then dumped it into the theater. It has it's moments, it is interesting, it is worth watching on a slow day which you wish to keep slow. Oh, and a definite plus for the movie was that, though it's take on Christianity and faith are not quite my ideal, if you bear with it for a bit, it is rewarding. I was very surprised, and pleased, with the portrayal of this aspect of the movie, for the most part. It is as good as you get, in theaters anyway.
Up well before noon!
Well, it sounded good. It actually is typical, rising from 8:00 to 10:00 am at the latest is the norm, not an exception. I am trying to get to waking earlier however, just because. No, actually because it would be good to start swimming occasionally and that means out of the bunk by 5:30 am. Someone hit me with something hard, something that will not break. I am indeed hardheaded and would hate to punish you for doing me a favor through your personal loss.
I did dream, but I do not remember. I am still hoping to add popcorn. Yeah, it is a bit odd, but nothing says horror or drama like popcorn. What an easy life I lead now. In my various reviews of history, I realize I live better than the kings from all of history up to, perhaps, 1910, maybe as far as the 1950’s. Air conditioning, plenty of good quality food, better cold weather clothing, better warm weather clothing, faster more reliable more functional transportation, immediate communication (if I want it), access to more libraries of knowledge than all the academics in the world could use singularly in a life-time, and an education system which if flawed is better than the crony system of even the 1940’s and 1950’s going back through almost all of time. And, if you think kings were much more free than their peasants, you might not understand the nature of the thing. They were, for the most part, nearly as tacked down, nailed in, and limited as the next guy, sometimes more so. What is gold if your hand is stayed, what are jewels if your words are written for you by people you do not know trust or understand, what is a castle or mansion devoid of the room to enjoy, entertain freely, and love?
Anyway, I am looking at my list. As usual, it is looking back. It is yet to be decided which of us will win. Stupid paper. Oh, I am still in a bit of a foul mood. When I am forced to quit sleeping, it can happen. But it is still a stupid paper.
I did dream, but I do not remember. I am still hoping to add popcorn. Yeah, it is a bit odd, but nothing says horror or drama like popcorn. What an easy life I lead now. In my various reviews of history, I realize I live better than the kings from all of history up to, perhaps, 1910, maybe as far as the 1950’s. Air conditioning, plenty of good quality food, better cold weather clothing, better warm weather clothing, faster more reliable more functional transportation, immediate communication (if I want it), access to more libraries of knowledge than all the academics in the world could use singularly in a life-time, and an education system which if flawed is better than the crony system of even the 1940’s and 1950’s going back through almost all of time. And, if you think kings were much more free than their peasants, you might not understand the nature of the thing. They were, for the most part, nearly as tacked down, nailed in, and limited as the next guy, sometimes more so. What is gold if your hand is stayed, what are jewels if your words are written for you by people you do not know trust or understand, what is a castle or mansion devoid of the room to enjoy, entertain freely, and love?
Anyway, I am looking at my list. As usual, it is looking back. It is yet to be decided which of us will win. Stupid paper. Oh, I am still in a bit of a foul mood. When I am forced to quit sleeping, it can happen. But it is still a stupid paper.
Not bad, for a day.
Though I did not get one of my primary goals completed, I did the other things I thought I might get done and some extra items checked off of my list. I just cannot seem to get my revving engine to move the wheels. It is frustrating. I am not sure what it will take to make the world and myself fit. I try, I want it, I succeed for moments, then… nap time. I can force it for moments, but I pay.
It does take me a bit to reacclimate to my surroundings. Whether I visit my Mom, go on a trip, or return home. Wherever I am is where I am lost until I am found again. Of course, in times of need or demand, there is an aspect which takes over and just gets things done. And, again, there is a price to be paid. At least it gets things done well and works until the price can be paid.
It is about bedtime and I am ready. I wonder where I will go or what I will be doing tonight. Hopefully a good nightmare, and not a rerun. I can change those, I am going to try and add popcorn the next chance I get. Really, I am. I will let you know if it works. Plus, it will be real butter and lots of it without any worry regarding health. Might as well get a huge soda too. Goodnight.
It does take me a bit to reacclimate to my surroundings. Whether I visit my Mom, go on a trip, or return home. Wherever I am is where I am lost until I am found again. Of course, in times of need or demand, there is an aspect which takes over and just gets things done. And, again, there is a price to be paid. At least it gets things done well and works until the price can be paid.
It is about bedtime and I am ready. I wonder where I will go or what I will be doing tonight. Hopefully a good nightmare, and not a rerun. I can change those, I am going to try and add popcorn the next chance I get. Really, I am. I will let you know if it works. Plus, it will be real butter and lots of it without any worry regarding health. Might as well get a huge soda too. Goodnight.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Peace
A friend most recently blogged regarding the term and her take on the notion and it’s ideals and notional surrounds. I have considered commenting, yet have stayed my hand. I have written three, four, maybe five responses then deleted them. I think I have read her well, and I think I have some small understanding of her notions, but my comments seem to drift and I seem to be unable to say precisely succinctly briefly that which I think, and stay on track within the topic as she has set it. She started it. ---> Cruel Virgin
Peace, as with many words, more terms, have haunted me for many years. I remember, even as a child, letting specific words surround me, swallow me, infuse my thoughts, and guide me to meaning. It was not the “big words” such as tenacious, collaborative, or mitochondrial. Those words are like nails, you learn them, then drive them into specific places in the sentence like a nail holding a picture to a wall. Neither did the neat words as whit, specious, or phalanx, which though they catch my fancy, enthrall me, dance with me, and whisper their secrets. I still enjoy those other aspects of language, yet they are mundane. It was terms like peace, happiness, love, and joy which called me to enjoin their mockery of human understanding. Age has not changed this fascination.
This construct of letters, vowels and consonants, can quite easily be understood. A dictionary will provide some basic understanding. Churches and gatherings, holidays, and celebrations, people, and even animals seem to be able to add distinct designs to the word. Yet, as it seems with her, I think the finer and major points are misunderstood. People do not understand peace. As well, I may be far off and I certainly am biased. I thought to try to encapsulate my thoughts and express my understanding in any case.
Peace is not an idea, an emotion, or a simple state. It is a state of nature, a nature that cannot be known for more than moments and probably not fully then. It is an unchanging state which does exist somehow, somewhere, or we would not even have a term to describe it. It is a surety of nature, self, and all which allows the fullness of existence in truth, love, and knowledge. It cannot be known for many reasons, here, now. We age, we die, those around us fail, cheat, and die, and the world itself changes. We cannot be sure of the rest of today and tomorrow is only a strong suspicion based on the number of yesterdays, until we reach a point where the number of yesterdays only adds to our uncertainty. As we cannot know infinity, in a personal singular human manner, we cannot know peace.
I also see that war often yields a peace which diplomacy never may. Mitigation yields, gives a voice to those who all know do not deserve to be heard, and abides this evil so that it might have this good. War does not compromise with what the victors see as evil. It does not give and take. It commands and then makes that command real. And, though there may be lies in various aspect of war as we know it, the function of war is the truth. One way or another, war will separate those who will know peace, from those who only think they want it but will not pay the price and those who do not want peace.
Still, when people wish me peace, I accept it. The more sincere the person, the better I know the well-wisher, how well the person understands that which they offer, and the reason for the wish all sum to the strength or weakness of the gift. As well, I do not doubt those who wish for peace, or even those who work for it. I am sure they have their purposes, and their walk is their own. I just, for myself, do not believe peace can ever be found here and to lose one’s self in such a pursuit is to turn from the real peace that exists. I will not worry about peace here, I know where it is and I know I will find it. I know too, I do not deserve it. More than that, I really cannot say.
Peace, as with many words, more terms, have haunted me for many years. I remember, even as a child, letting specific words surround me, swallow me, infuse my thoughts, and guide me to meaning. It was not the “big words” such as tenacious, collaborative, or mitochondrial. Those words are like nails, you learn them, then drive them into specific places in the sentence like a nail holding a picture to a wall. Neither did the neat words as whit, specious, or phalanx, which though they catch my fancy, enthrall me, dance with me, and whisper their secrets. I still enjoy those other aspects of language, yet they are mundane. It was terms like peace, happiness, love, and joy which called me to enjoin their mockery of human understanding. Age has not changed this fascination.
This construct of letters, vowels and consonants, can quite easily be understood. A dictionary will provide some basic understanding. Churches and gatherings, holidays, and celebrations, people, and even animals seem to be able to add distinct designs to the word. Yet, as it seems with her, I think the finer and major points are misunderstood. People do not understand peace. As well, I may be far off and I certainly am biased. I thought to try to encapsulate my thoughts and express my understanding in any case.
Peace is not an idea, an emotion, or a simple state. It is a state of nature, a nature that cannot be known for more than moments and probably not fully then. It is an unchanging state which does exist somehow, somewhere, or we would not even have a term to describe it. It is a surety of nature, self, and all which allows the fullness of existence in truth, love, and knowledge. It cannot be known for many reasons, here, now. We age, we die, those around us fail, cheat, and die, and the world itself changes. We cannot be sure of the rest of today and tomorrow is only a strong suspicion based on the number of yesterdays, until we reach a point where the number of yesterdays only adds to our uncertainty. As we cannot know infinity, in a personal singular human manner, we cannot know peace.
I also see that war often yields a peace which diplomacy never may. Mitigation yields, gives a voice to those who all know do not deserve to be heard, and abides this evil so that it might have this good. War does not compromise with what the victors see as evil. It does not give and take. It commands and then makes that command real. And, though there may be lies in various aspect of war as we know it, the function of war is the truth. One way or another, war will separate those who will know peace, from those who only think they want it but will not pay the price and those who do not want peace.
Still, when people wish me peace, I accept it. The more sincere the person, the better I know the well-wisher, how well the person understands that which they offer, and the reason for the wish all sum to the strength or weakness of the gift. As well, I do not doubt those who wish for peace, or even those who work for it. I am sure they have their purposes, and their walk is their own. I just, for myself, do not believe peace can ever be found here and to lose one’s self in such a pursuit is to turn from the real peace that exists. I will not worry about peace here, I know where it is and I know I will find it. I know too, I do not deserve it. More than that, I really cannot say.
I have to get going! Help!?!
Ok, I have been home for days. I looked over what I need to do, and it looked back. It looked like too much, so I pared the list down to size and made it practical then jumped up and… grabbed a soda and then sat back down to look at this screen again. My butt is dragging and a little sore from sitting, but my notions and intent are in high gear, something has to give. School starts the 9th, I need to talk to my academic advisor on the 8th, I need to get my paperwork from the UoI to him by then, I need to contact my friends about shooting and hunting, I have to get groceries, I am trying to make a few other assorted contacts, and I would like to sort some things out here at the apartment. Well, or not. Ha.
Oh, no one was in my place while I was gone. My computer is still infested, but I think until I get a different configuration (at least a router, perhaps a change in ISP, maybe a different OS, and in last but not least worrisome maybe a new computer), I think no matter what I do, I will be hacked again and quickly as is. Someone either likes or does not like me. It seems more like a watcher than nefarious thief or computer user, but that is worse in it’s own way. I could NOT be that interesting. Whoever it is must be a freak or board stiff.
Oh, I did not write this about this as I had intended. When I was at my Mom’s place and helped her clean her room I got a little surprise. I spent a day moving furniture, scrubbing walls (she’s a smoker) and ceilings, and such. It was quite a chore, using every muscle, extended as far as I could reach or scrunched and tucked to get into an odd position to move old heavy dressers on carpeting without wheels or here pain in the butt to move bed, move them back, adjust them, rearrange them… I did say my Mom is a woman right… My surprise was in scrubbing the ceiling and higher on the walls, moving furniture solo, and doing odd sundry, I was not sore. Not that day, not the next, not the third day. Now, we only did that room. I felt bad, but we ran out of time and energy. I was tired for a day, just not in pain, weird. I wonder if the dreams somehow keep me a bit more fit? It makes me wonder about what I can do, if I can find a way to do it. Remember, I do almost nothing. An occasional hunt, an occasional hike, school two classes a week, and groceries shopping, that is it. And, this last 6 months is more active than I have been for four years, aided by medicine as I am.
Ok, I really have to get going. Dratted tasks are hounding me and I think I ducked into the last place I could go for the last time. I need to make a list, take a shower, have some coffee, and move!!! Go, Go, Go!
Update:
I created a list, completed several tasks, and I am working on three more tasks to be checked before I rest, maybe four. I am still dragging butt, just not quite as slowly. Just in case you think I did what I thought I was going to do... nothing. :p
Oh, no one was in my place while I was gone. My computer is still infested, but I think until I get a different configuration (at least a router, perhaps a change in ISP, maybe a different OS, and in last but not least worrisome maybe a new computer), I think no matter what I do, I will be hacked again and quickly as is. Someone either likes or does not like me. It seems more like a watcher than nefarious thief or computer user, but that is worse in it’s own way. I could NOT be that interesting. Whoever it is must be a freak or board stiff.
Oh, I did not write this about this as I had intended. When I was at my Mom’s place and helped her clean her room I got a little surprise. I spent a day moving furniture, scrubbing walls (she’s a smoker) and ceilings, and such. It was quite a chore, using every muscle, extended as far as I could reach or scrunched and tucked to get into an odd position to move old heavy dressers on carpeting without wheels or here pain in the butt to move bed, move them back, adjust them, rearrange them… I did say my Mom is a woman right… My surprise was in scrubbing the ceiling and higher on the walls, moving furniture solo, and doing odd sundry, I was not sore. Not that day, not the next, not the third day. Now, we only did that room. I felt bad, but we ran out of time and energy. I was tired for a day, just not in pain, weird. I wonder if the dreams somehow keep me a bit more fit? It makes me wonder about what I can do, if I can find a way to do it. Remember, I do almost nothing. An occasional hunt, an occasional hike, school two classes a week, and groceries shopping, that is it. And, this last 6 months is more active than I have been for four years, aided by medicine as I am.
Ok, I really have to get going. Dratted tasks are hounding me and I think I ducked into the last place I could go for the last time. I need to make a list, take a shower, have some coffee, and move!!! Go, Go, Go!
Update:
I created a list, completed several tasks, and I am working on three more tasks to be checked before I rest, maybe four. I am still dragging butt, just not quite as slowly. Just in case you think I did what I thought I was going to do... nothing. :p
Slamming Iowa?
Hey, watch that. Well, not really. Iowa has some good traits, as a state. If you like hunting and fishing, if you want to find a fantastic state to raise a family, if you still insist on public schools and want a better education for your children, this could be the place. Do not expect to get wealthy working here. California, New York, maybe Chicago are the places to go if you have the grit, Minneapolis if you are a techy, there you will find wealth and of course greater expense (plus crime, grime, slime, and prison schools into which you may imprison your soon to be criminal brats if you go public school). However, if you had any notion that Iowa does anything for a candidate, except perhaps to show a few zeros the door, you are mistaken.
I cannot remember the last time Iowa voters picked a winner. I am pretty sure, beyond that, our voting does not even act as a reverse indicator, or show probability of electability in any way (though at least as good as the NYTs), or really anything but put random numbers to random faces meaning less than nothing. Heck, we do not even kick out those zeros, they just run out of money trying to convince us to put their name on the boards near some useless numbers. I stopped taking Iowa seriously, regarding this, before I was old enough to vote!
So, kick the state if you want. But it is a little like hating a pig because it does not produce beef, or milk, or honey. Pigs do not produce anything but pork product and a really foul smelling muck not unlike modern liberalism, though fowl are more foul, must be pure socialists or communists. In any case, sour grapes about your chosen candidate’s standing is a personal problem. And, if you look at the thing correctly and your candidate did not do very well but also did not zero, be happy. This means your candidate actually has a chance. Let the “winners” gloat, they will be sucking sour eggs, with or without ham, green or otherwise, shortly. Osama will become, well, there you go. And Huck-a-who? will become… I cannot recall at the moment.
But cut the whining. Gees Louise already. Oh, and Paul still sucks.
I cannot remember the last time Iowa voters picked a winner. I am pretty sure, beyond that, our voting does not even act as a reverse indicator, or show probability of electability in any way (though at least as good as the NYTs), or really anything but put random numbers to random faces meaning less than nothing. Heck, we do not even kick out those zeros, they just run out of money trying to convince us to put their name on the boards near some useless numbers. I stopped taking Iowa seriously, regarding this, before I was old enough to vote!
So, kick the state if you want. But it is a little like hating a pig because it does not produce beef, or milk, or honey. Pigs do not produce anything but pork product and a really foul smelling muck not unlike modern liberalism, though fowl are more foul, must be pure socialists or communists. In any case, sour grapes about your chosen candidate’s standing is a personal problem. And, if you look at the thing correctly and your candidate did not do very well but also did not zero, be happy. This means your candidate actually has a chance. Let the “winners” gloat, they will be sucking sour eggs, with or without ham, green or otherwise, shortly. Osama will become, well, there you go. And Huck-a-who? will become… I cannot recall at the moment.
But cut the whining. Gees Louise already. Oh, and Paul still sucks.
Staying warm, it is not a trick.
Living in Iowa, where 20 below zero is not even uncommon and I have seen 80 below with windchill, staying warm is something that I, of course, have always considered. However, my training was based merely on doing what I was told and then copying that behavior from that point on. As I have investigated the outdoors, for hunting, fishing, and sports, I have been re-examining my practices. Here are some of the pieces of knowledge I have now or am just collecting.
Staying warm, even in very cold temperatures, for very short periods of time, is relatively simple. The way I was taught was to bundle up. It works, but much less efficiently than could be accomplished, and with several problems. Mobility often becomes limited, the duration of exposure is rather limited, and the wrong materials in the wrong places can be more harmful than helpful, sometimes they can be extremely dangerous. Bundling up, to some degree, is the way to go. If done correctly, with the right materials, mobility and length of exposure can both be greatly enhanced. Rather than barely being able to walk, open a vehicle door and get in, or hop into a bus, one can move nearly as effortlessly as wearing lined jeans (a poor choice, save for dry fall days by the way). As well, sub-zero, and on down to 40 and 50 degree below zero, or lower, temperatures can be withstood for hours, perhaps days, with the right clothing and behavior.
Currently, I am experimenting with long underwear made from three different materials, silk, wool, and polypropylene. I do not always layer three deep. At this point, I go mainly by my sense of the cold, how long I expect to be out, and what I will be doing. Standing in the cold, say fishing or on certain hunting trips require the triple threat as I call it. When layering thick for long periods and low activity, I first add silk longs, then wool longs, then polypropylene longs and snow pants. If it will be more active and it is a warmer day, I will remove the polypropylene. And that leaves active colder days to silk then polypropylene baselayers.
For socks, I always wear wool (winter or summer). In the summer, of course, I wear thinner versions. Surprisingly, wool is cooler in the summer than cotton or other materials. Needless to say, it is warmer in the winter. As well, foot odor is greatly reduced and my socks do not get soggy. I have tried many brands. Most wool socks wear out quickly, become ill fitting in short order, and some even itch. I prefer Smartwool, though there may be other brands which work well (I have not tried Coolmax, for example). My first purchase of six pair of Smartwool socks have lasted 4 years (and going). I buy a few pair each time they are on sale (real sale), thinking the older socks must be about ready to give out. So far, not a pair has failed or developed holes. I do have silk sock liners which I use depending on the weather.
As well, good boots are the only way to go. Tennis shoes, even non-insulated hiking boots, will not take you far in serious weather. I have a winter pair of boots, water-proof, wind-proof, excellent traction even on ice, and high enough to cover my pants to mid shin. At times, I do wear other types of footwear, when appropriate or just for a change. I have hiking boots I like to wear if I will not be out long. I also have a decent pair of oxfords, for nicer occasions and just for going from the house to car and such. Both are leather, both have been water-proofed, and both are kept polished, water-proofed, and clean.
I have several pair of thicker winter gloves. A pair for dress, a pair for work, a hunting pair, and several odd pairs. I have silk and wool glove liners, which really help on the coldest of days. As I get into outdoor winter sports, I may consider a set of mittens. Mittens are warmer, but do not allow much in the way of manual dexterity. I have seen the tricky open-up-and-shoot mittens, but paint me a doubter. I may end up, in time, trying a pair and comparing it to standard mittens. In any case, mittens should be just fine, and better than gloves by far, for handling ski or snowshoe poles. I also have tried a standard baklava. Though it helped a bit, I just do not like the one I have. It covers the mouth, steams the glasses, but it is camouflage. I am looking at other headgear, to include heat-exchange baklavas, wool watch caps, and some other items.
For outerwear, I stick with Gore-Tex. I am sure there are other water-proofing brands and techniques which are quite adequate. But from my circle of associates, my own testing, and my money, it is what I use. I have several for both insulated winter and non-insulated easy season water-proof pants. At this time, I actually do not use a full parka. I generally layer, add a thick wool sweater, and sometimes add a shirt between the layers and the sweater. On top of that I add a water-proof wind-proof jacket (shell), sometimes adding a water-proof wind-proof down vest. It is mostly experimental at this time, but I do have the right equipment, it is just a matter of learning to know how best to use what I have ahead of an outing.
Wool and silk are both comfortable, able to absorb sweat, do not hold odor as much as other materials, are less bulky, dry quickly, and allow the body to breath, but they are expensive and I would guess they will wear more quickly. Polypropylene is inexpensive, easily maintained, and dries quickly, though it has more odor related problems and it is less indicated if one is prone to rashes, so I prefer it as an outer layer. Down is excellent as an insulator, if you can keep it dry. If your goal is to go outside and come back all in a day, or you are sure you will stay dry, down is an excellent choice. Something to consider with any materials you might select is how to care for them. All of my items are machine washable (save some sweaters). There are special cleaners and treatments for silk, wool, waterproof materials, and down. Look for them, they will keep your materials top, and extend wear and intended use.
This year is my first to put much of this learning together for use, in congregate. I have been out for various short trips, doing the odd chores that winter requires, and experimenting. I hope to find a place to rent skis and take cross country lessons, so that on the days I need to get out for school anyway, I might take some ski lessons (or snow shoe lessons) before-hand, as money allows. I also have a few hunting sessions in the offing, some of which might require just a little target practice (a lot, as I am trying to settle on the right slug or sabot for my shotgun and I need to get some clay practice in as well). So, I should be able to get a better idea of what is needed personally, and when.
I have not been going out enough to begin practicing behavior yet, but I will pass on some of the advice I have received. Frequent warm meals, higher fat and higher calorie foods (chocolate, nuts, meats), carbs, warm drinks (coffee, cocoa, soup), and plenty of water are all helpful and at times vital. Paying attention to one’s perceptions. If it is cold, perhaps moving around or eating or drinking something warm would work. If you are hot, open a vent in your pants if you have that, take off the vest, slow down a bit, or drink some water. All this seems to be common sense, but do not count on common sense in freezing cold temperatures. You might not have that in you, plan ahead and know what you should and can do. Some other things to consider, if you work a great deal and work up a sweat (not advised though sometimes not an option), walk it off. Allow the sweat to evaporate more than a little. Your skin needs to be dry before you risk sitting (and thus cooling off very quickly). In more extreme cases, that can easily be fatal. Make sure someone knows where you are, and when you will be back, like all outdoor events. And think before you act. Building a snow man in the back forties might seem neat, but when one finds themself wet, without a change of clothes, and have a ten mile march in a cooling afternoon or much colder and cooling even faster evening, you might be in trouble.
Now, go out and freeze your butt off! Tell them I sent you.
Staying warm, even in very cold temperatures, for very short periods of time, is relatively simple. The way I was taught was to bundle up. It works, but much less efficiently than could be accomplished, and with several problems. Mobility often becomes limited, the duration of exposure is rather limited, and the wrong materials in the wrong places can be more harmful than helpful, sometimes they can be extremely dangerous. Bundling up, to some degree, is the way to go. If done correctly, with the right materials, mobility and length of exposure can both be greatly enhanced. Rather than barely being able to walk, open a vehicle door and get in, or hop into a bus, one can move nearly as effortlessly as wearing lined jeans (a poor choice, save for dry fall days by the way). As well, sub-zero, and on down to 40 and 50 degree below zero, or lower, temperatures can be withstood for hours, perhaps days, with the right clothing and behavior.
Currently, I am experimenting with long underwear made from three different materials, silk, wool, and polypropylene. I do not always layer three deep. At this point, I go mainly by my sense of the cold, how long I expect to be out, and what I will be doing. Standing in the cold, say fishing or on certain hunting trips require the triple threat as I call it. When layering thick for long periods and low activity, I first add silk longs, then wool longs, then polypropylene longs and snow pants. If it will be more active and it is a warmer day, I will remove the polypropylene. And that leaves active colder days to silk then polypropylene baselayers.
For socks, I always wear wool (winter or summer). In the summer, of course, I wear thinner versions. Surprisingly, wool is cooler in the summer than cotton or other materials. Needless to say, it is warmer in the winter. As well, foot odor is greatly reduced and my socks do not get soggy. I have tried many brands. Most wool socks wear out quickly, become ill fitting in short order, and some even itch. I prefer Smartwool, though there may be other brands which work well (I have not tried Coolmax, for example). My first purchase of six pair of Smartwool socks have lasted 4 years (and going). I buy a few pair each time they are on sale (real sale), thinking the older socks must be about ready to give out. So far, not a pair has failed or developed holes. I do have silk sock liners which I use depending on the weather.
As well, good boots are the only way to go. Tennis shoes, even non-insulated hiking boots, will not take you far in serious weather. I have a winter pair of boots, water-proof, wind-proof, excellent traction even on ice, and high enough to cover my pants to mid shin. At times, I do wear other types of footwear, when appropriate or just for a change. I have hiking boots I like to wear if I will not be out long. I also have a decent pair of oxfords, for nicer occasions and just for going from the house to car and such. Both are leather, both have been water-proofed, and both are kept polished, water-proofed, and clean.
I have several pair of thicker winter gloves. A pair for dress, a pair for work, a hunting pair, and several odd pairs. I have silk and wool glove liners, which really help on the coldest of days. As I get into outdoor winter sports, I may consider a set of mittens. Mittens are warmer, but do not allow much in the way of manual dexterity. I have seen the tricky open-up-and-shoot mittens, but paint me a doubter. I may end up, in time, trying a pair and comparing it to standard mittens. In any case, mittens should be just fine, and better than gloves by far, for handling ski or snowshoe poles. I also have tried a standard baklava. Though it helped a bit, I just do not like the one I have. It covers the mouth, steams the glasses, but it is camouflage. I am looking at other headgear, to include heat-exchange baklavas, wool watch caps, and some other items.
For outerwear, I stick with Gore-Tex. I am sure there are other water-proofing brands and techniques which are quite adequate. But from my circle of associates, my own testing, and my money, it is what I use. I have several for both insulated winter and non-insulated easy season water-proof pants. At this time, I actually do not use a full parka. I generally layer, add a thick wool sweater, and sometimes add a shirt between the layers and the sweater. On top of that I add a water-proof wind-proof jacket (shell), sometimes adding a water-proof wind-proof down vest. It is mostly experimental at this time, but I do have the right equipment, it is just a matter of learning to know how best to use what I have ahead of an outing.
Wool and silk are both comfortable, able to absorb sweat, do not hold odor as much as other materials, are less bulky, dry quickly, and allow the body to breath, but they are expensive and I would guess they will wear more quickly. Polypropylene is inexpensive, easily maintained, and dries quickly, though it has more odor related problems and it is less indicated if one is prone to rashes, so I prefer it as an outer layer. Down is excellent as an insulator, if you can keep it dry. If your goal is to go outside and come back all in a day, or you are sure you will stay dry, down is an excellent choice. Something to consider with any materials you might select is how to care for them. All of my items are machine washable (save some sweaters). There are special cleaners and treatments for silk, wool, waterproof materials, and down. Look for them, they will keep your materials top, and extend wear and intended use.
This year is my first to put much of this learning together for use, in congregate. I have been out for various short trips, doing the odd chores that winter requires, and experimenting. I hope to find a place to rent skis and take cross country lessons, so that on the days I need to get out for school anyway, I might take some ski lessons (or snow shoe lessons) before-hand, as money allows. I also have a few hunting sessions in the offing, some of which might require just a little target practice (a lot, as I am trying to settle on the right slug or sabot for my shotgun and I need to get some clay practice in as well). So, I should be able to get a better idea of what is needed personally, and when.
I have not been going out enough to begin practicing behavior yet, but I will pass on some of the advice I have received. Frequent warm meals, higher fat and higher calorie foods (chocolate, nuts, meats), carbs, warm drinks (coffee, cocoa, soup), and plenty of water are all helpful and at times vital. Paying attention to one’s perceptions. If it is cold, perhaps moving around or eating or drinking something warm would work. If you are hot, open a vent in your pants if you have that, take off the vest, slow down a bit, or drink some water. All this seems to be common sense, but do not count on common sense in freezing cold temperatures. You might not have that in you, plan ahead and know what you should and can do. Some other things to consider, if you work a great deal and work up a sweat (not advised though sometimes not an option), walk it off. Allow the sweat to evaporate more than a little. Your skin needs to be dry before you risk sitting (and thus cooling off very quickly). In more extreme cases, that can easily be fatal. Make sure someone knows where you are, and when you will be back, like all outdoor events. And think before you act. Building a snow man in the back forties might seem neat, but when one finds themself wet, without a change of clothes, and have a ten mile march in a cooling afternoon or much colder and cooling even faster evening, you might be in trouble.
Now, go out and freeze your butt off! Tell them I sent you.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Ok, he might have a point.
After reading this, I decided to ponder the matter. A little re-evaluation was in order. Housecleaning, I suppose.
When I considered the future, freedom, the recent past, history, and a few other odd variables and topics, I kept arriving at a depressing notion. I kept arriving at a conclusion which indicated an end to our, and the only real, revolution (in millennia). Oh, sure, there was the French Revolution, Castro’s thing, Mao’s thing, Lenin’s thing, sure. In each of those cases, however, power was just shifted from somewhat poor governors to homicidal governors. In our revolution, the power was split and shifted, decentralized as it where. The people, lets be clear, do not, cannot, and should not rule completely. An absolute anarchy is even worse than an absolute monarchy, dictatorship, or totalitarian state. No, our founding fathers saw clearly, thought well, and planned accordingly. The powers, the power to control assets, the power to make war, the power to choose allowed and disallowed behavior and then how that was to be handled, and the other real powers, could not be trusted purely to “We the People”, states, or states in combination. So, they split that power, delineated who and how the powers where to be used, and in so doing, set the shareholders of power against one another in a purely genius ‘house of cards’ trick. The gravity and lay of the powers has kept the house in tact for centuries. The state against the people, the state against the federal government, the people against the federal government, etc. No single entity can quite square the circle and corner the power market. Sometimes, often actually, no one wins! This has been being tinkered with and demented, in time, and more quickly and wrongly more recently.
In so doing, the fathers drafted then implemented a government that is as sleek, quick, pretty, and tight as a barge. Yes, you read that correctly. They set the government up to fail, to be slow, to be stupid, and to be complicated. Why, you might ask? There is a rather simple answer. A fully functioning, well regulated, singularly minded, and powerful government will fail it’s purpose, that being us, every time. A government that moves forward slowly, gets bogged down easily, and can be manipulated, tugged, and pulled until it is stuck in the mud, can do no real harm. In our personal lives, doing nothing can be wrong, that is not always true with the government. As well, if one side pulls in a dangerous direction, guess who gets hurt first? It is the dolts leading the charge. Try to pull the government off a cliff, and they will fall first, no matter how many on that side, that side will lose. In a worst case scenario, the government will just crash down the cliff on top of any survivors, probably not sustaining much damage even then. The current problem is that too many people believe a barge can help them. Not only can it not prevent their medical costs from increasing, provide medicine, money, or food, it cannot be trusted not to abuse those who go to it for these things.
Oh, yes, there were risks in this system. How many could die because of the foolish pull of the uninformed many before a proper reaction, or how much slop in the system in the way of human life? Well, I cannot say with absolute surety, however, I know right around 3,000 dead in a day will indeed get the mechanisms going. What has happened since that time is profound. Aside from the wars that have raged, the number of enemies killed in spite of being nearly invisible most of the time, and the changes in nations as close as France and as far as Libya, other social issues have been impacted. Gun control, for obvious reasons, is in critical condition. The United Nations has been put on a shelf for the most part, along with many other toys. Many other bad ideas are being ground down to the point of losing any power, because their developers have lost face and continue to do so. Even odd, seemingly unassociated notions are changing. My liberal friends fear that abortion will again be outlawed, they fear it and sense it. I am a bit dubious, but see that pro-life as law is becoming more possible than ever before. The multi-culturalists pulled too far. The liberals tugged and fell. Those still pulling that way are considered fringe, lunatic perhaps. Many of those who were there pulling, even if they still believe, are not willing to die to believe and are now tugging in such as way as to confuse and slow that movement. Though too, the opposition has not yet collected. Time will tell.
The world of American politics is still not right-of-center. As a fact, not only the location but the movement of American politics is still left and moving further toward the left. However, the momentum is not leftward. The American heartbeat, a nearly flatline pulse, is now growing stronger. The American mind is waking, coming out of the fog, and beginning to ask what all these bureaucratic wires and tangles trying to keep it down and controlled are about, having seemingly slept through the various surgeries and disenfranchisements. I’m not sure it will fully awaken, perhaps another good jolt is needed. But I am sure it now has a chance. Though I would hate to see New York (despicable as it is), Paris, London, Berlin, or some other major city destroyed, it might be like the amputation that saves the body, though not by losing infection, more by gaining the will to survive. And, in the final analysis, and should there be no complicity in the slightest, it will be worth the price. As it sits, we are bordering on becoming wards of the state. To those who do not understand, that means slaves of the state. This American liberalism is what all other nations call conservativism (which means the ‘powers that be’ are corrupt and in control, that things do not change once they go this way and are only changed from this despot to that genocidal despot). A brief pause in the downward spiral, a chance to change, a time for real liberals (conservatives) to win is at hand.
In the end, even if we succeed, it will be piecemeal, bit-by-bit, tooth-and-nail. The war will never be over, the struggle will never be done, and we can never win. And certainly, it will not be done overnight, in one election, or singularly in any way. We can be on more solid ground. We can be more sure of our lot. We can take back our share of power. We can revolt for the rest of our lives, and should, in the slow fashion our founding fathers (for the most part) intended. There is hope, more so today than in a very long time.
When I considered the future, freedom, the recent past, history, and a few other odd variables and topics, I kept arriving at a depressing notion. I kept arriving at a conclusion which indicated an end to our, and the only real, revolution (in millennia). Oh, sure, there was the French Revolution, Castro’s thing, Mao’s thing, Lenin’s thing, sure. In each of those cases, however, power was just shifted from somewhat poor governors to homicidal governors. In our revolution, the power was split and shifted, decentralized as it where. The people, lets be clear, do not, cannot, and should not rule completely. An absolute anarchy is even worse than an absolute monarchy, dictatorship, or totalitarian state. No, our founding fathers saw clearly, thought well, and planned accordingly. The powers, the power to control assets, the power to make war, the power to choose allowed and disallowed behavior and then how that was to be handled, and the other real powers, could not be trusted purely to “We the People”, states, or states in combination. So, they split that power, delineated who and how the powers where to be used, and in so doing, set the shareholders of power against one another in a purely genius ‘house of cards’ trick. The gravity and lay of the powers has kept the house in tact for centuries. The state against the people, the state against the federal government, the people against the federal government, etc. No single entity can quite square the circle and corner the power market. Sometimes, often actually, no one wins! This has been being tinkered with and demented, in time, and more quickly and wrongly more recently.
In so doing, the fathers drafted then implemented a government that is as sleek, quick, pretty, and tight as a barge. Yes, you read that correctly. They set the government up to fail, to be slow, to be stupid, and to be complicated. Why, you might ask? There is a rather simple answer. A fully functioning, well regulated, singularly minded, and powerful government will fail it’s purpose, that being us, every time. A government that moves forward slowly, gets bogged down easily, and can be manipulated, tugged, and pulled until it is stuck in the mud, can do no real harm. In our personal lives, doing nothing can be wrong, that is not always true with the government. As well, if one side pulls in a dangerous direction, guess who gets hurt first? It is the dolts leading the charge. Try to pull the government off a cliff, and they will fall first, no matter how many on that side, that side will lose. In a worst case scenario, the government will just crash down the cliff on top of any survivors, probably not sustaining much damage even then. The current problem is that too many people believe a barge can help them. Not only can it not prevent their medical costs from increasing, provide medicine, money, or food, it cannot be trusted not to abuse those who go to it for these things.
Oh, yes, there were risks in this system. How many could die because of the foolish pull of the uninformed many before a proper reaction, or how much slop in the system in the way of human life? Well, I cannot say with absolute surety, however, I know right around 3,000 dead in a day will indeed get the mechanisms going. What has happened since that time is profound. Aside from the wars that have raged, the number of enemies killed in spite of being nearly invisible most of the time, and the changes in nations as close as France and as far as Libya, other social issues have been impacted. Gun control, for obvious reasons, is in critical condition. The United Nations has been put on a shelf for the most part, along with many other toys. Many other bad ideas are being ground down to the point of losing any power, because their developers have lost face and continue to do so. Even odd, seemingly unassociated notions are changing. My liberal friends fear that abortion will again be outlawed, they fear it and sense it. I am a bit dubious, but see that pro-life as law is becoming more possible than ever before. The multi-culturalists pulled too far. The liberals tugged and fell. Those still pulling that way are considered fringe, lunatic perhaps. Many of those who were there pulling, even if they still believe, are not willing to die to believe and are now tugging in such as way as to confuse and slow that movement. Though too, the opposition has not yet collected. Time will tell.
The world of American politics is still not right-of-center. As a fact, not only the location but the movement of American politics is still left and moving further toward the left. However, the momentum is not leftward. The American heartbeat, a nearly flatline pulse, is now growing stronger. The American mind is waking, coming out of the fog, and beginning to ask what all these bureaucratic wires and tangles trying to keep it down and controlled are about, having seemingly slept through the various surgeries and disenfranchisements. I’m not sure it will fully awaken, perhaps another good jolt is needed. But I am sure it now has a chance. Though I would hate to see New York (despicable as it is), Paris, London, Berlin, or some other major city destroyed, it might be like the amputation that saves the body, though not by losing infection, more by gaining the will to survive. And, in the final analysis, and should there be no complicity in the slightest, it will be worth the price. As it sits, we are bordering on becoming wards of the state. To those who do not understand, that means slaves of the state. This American liberalism is what all other nations call conservativism (which means the ‘powers that be’ are corrupt and in control, that things do not change once they go this way and are only changed from this despot to that genocidal despot). A brief pause in the downward spiral, a chance to change, a time for real liberals (conservatives) to win is at hand.
In the end, even if we succeed, it will be piecemeal, bit-by-bit, tooth-and-nail. The war will never be over, the struggle will never be done, and we can never win. And certainly, it will not be done overnight, in one election, or singularly in any way. We can be on more solid ground. We can be more sure of our lot. We can take back our share of power. We can revolt for the rest of our lives, and should, in the slow fashion our founding fathers (for the most part) intended. There is hope, more so today than in a very long time.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Hmmm?
Which literature classic are you?
Virginia Woolf: Orlando. You are a challenge, for outer events, the outside world, the time etc. play no importance to you. Your focus is in writing, in gender issues, and inside your own head. Self-analysis and exploration of yourself as well as the outer world hold great importance to you.
Take this quiz!
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One can never be sure. I am, and decidedly so, unfamiliar with Missy Woolf. And, any notions regarding sex or gender have been settled into a very formal traditional notion, with a decent smattering of religious connotation. Or, perhaps, that last is the other way around, it is difficult to sort. The rest of the quiz result seems up to snuff. If any of you know anything about Woolf, I am curious now.
Gee, I am addicted.
Oh, and I stole this from here. I wonder if he would trade though. I doubt it...
Dreams of War.
The last two weeks, perhaps more, has been a time of war. My dreams have been constant and always about fights. Each night I have relived one or more of my memories, and some that have become like memories. Not all have been victories, only a few have been clean and easy, all have been intense. And yet, I have enjoyed this time. The taste and sight of blood, bruises, pained body, messed up hands, and personal shame and glory were earned and are now appreciated.
I watched as I went from victim to combatant to a type of predator. My youth and inexperience flowed to a rugged strength of purpose and self, skill and knowledge, speed and grace. My fear melted to precision. I watched as I was beaten by older or more experienced kids, in the beginning. I went from having difficulties winning against one fighter to being able to manage a group. I saw mistakes in timing and other choices, and watched in my dreams as I learned, adapted, changed, and... became. Near the end, I hunted the playground predators. I allowed them to seal their coffins, as it were, but on my ground in my time and in such a fashion that would leave me clean of technical guilt yet allow them no room to escape the trap of their dastardly natures. And, finally, I came to a place where it did not matter. I would toy with my enemies, singularly or in groups. I knew the situation was not in doubt.
I do not understand the combat dreams. My records have vindicated me of any legal, and technically moral, ties there. Yet for them I still have great guilt and shame at times, when I cannot set them aside or deny. Not so much for what I did, or needed to do, but for not being able to save my own in the end. As well, there are the collateral damage and young dead, which I carry harshly and heavily in spite of my literal bullet-proof painkiller of deniability. The worst of these dreams, though, were not in the line-up, so even the ones I did have were good.
I can change most of my dreams. Hell, I like nightmares and add undead, they really bug me out. Free entertainment is hard to come by. These are different. I have not figured out how to change them. This time, I felt no need. Even in the early ones, the ones I lost. I wanted to see what was happening. I saw the mistakes, and better, in later dreams, I was rewarded by seeing the improvements. I realize, whatever is or is not true, I am weaponized. At this time, I also realize I am not out of control, nor prone to that. I am not worried that I will use this for nefarious ends or against my own. No small blessings, those. So, now, in the better of times of dreaming, I shake, and growl, spit, and hiss, and... remember.
I watched as I went from victim to combatant to a type of predator. My youth and inexperience flowed to a rugged strength of purpose and self, skill and knowledge, speed and grace. My fear melted to precision. I watched as I was beaten by older or more experienced kids, in the beginning. I went from having difficulties winning against one fighter to being able to manage a group. I saw mistakes in timing and other choices, and watched in my dreams as I learned, adapted, changed, and... became. Near the end, I hunted the playground predators. I allowed them to seal their coffins, as it were, but on my ground in my time and in such a fashion that would leave me clean of technical guilt yet allow them no room to escape the trap of their dastardly natures. And, finally, I came to a place where it did not matter. I would toy with my enemies, singularly or in groups. I knew the situation was not in doubt.
I do not understand the combat dreams. My records have vindicated me of any legal, and technically moral, ties there. Yet for them I still have great guilt and shame at times, when I cannot set them aside or deny. Not so much for what I did, or needed to do, but for not being able to save my own in the end. As well, there are the collateral damage and young dead, which I carry harshly and heavily in spite of my literal bullet-proof painkiller of deniability. The worst of these dreams, though, were not in the line-up, so even the ones I did have were good.
I can change most of my dreams. Hell, I like nightmares and add undead, they really bug me out. Free entertainment is hard to come by. These are different. I have not figured out how to change them. This time, I felt no need. Even in the early ones, the ones I lost. I wanted to see what was happening. I saw the mistakes, and better, in later dreams, I was rewarded by seeing the improvements. I realize, whatever is or is not true, I am weaponized. At this time, I also realize I am not out of control, nor prone to that. I am not worried that I will use this for nefarious ends or against my own. No small blessings, those. So, now, in the better of times of dreaming, I shake, and growl, spit, and hiss, and... remember.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Life in the Boonies.
Ok, I am not literally in the Boonies. There is a town with that name, just off I-35, here in my home state. I am actually farther off the main road than even the Boonies. Still, I would not change that. Sometimes I do not like anyone here, sometimes I like them all, and sometimes it is a piecemeal situation. It is tribal here. Who you know means something, what you can do means something, and having everything about you known means something. It all goes into the social 'pot' and then tickets are drawn accordingly. I know them all, in some capacity or another. They are mine, and I am theirs, like it or not. If I should ever fall, get my wings clipped, decide to rest, or otherwise need a place to roost, I have it.
My visit has been good. Off and on, up and down, but rather smooth and mild this time. This is becoming the normal rather than the exception. My mum is aging. She is dear to many and the scourge of few. It is good to be in her company, in her world. Even in her slowing, she does what she can for those around her. Liking all is a fruitless endeavor, taking care of those in need is what her world is about. Fighting them on this or that issue, and sometimes the hard feelings that go with it, is just part of that world view. Not a bad one if you ask me. And, as I age too, I see more that what she presents is not so off from my notions, though I only see where she acts. So, I learn. Woman, just because they are wrong does not mean that they are... well... wrong... Just... just trust me.
We have had a great Christmas here. Of course there has been pleasant familial and friendly visits. There has been food, travel, some beer, banter, and some real talk. New people have been met, old associations rekindled, and even a fresh kiss and a little grab ass or two to spark even this grumpy old man's world. And you know, I do not think Christ would bemoan any of it. In a song by Leonard Cohen, he speaks of there being a broken and a holy allelujha... Both are glorious, and spoken or sung right as we can, I suspect as he seems to suggest, both will please the Lord. In that song he suggests that through even his wrong, he will stand before the Lord with nothing on his tongue but Allelujha. Not a bad plan, at least to this lost child.
Getting online and staying online has been tricky. I think my Mum's ISP is odd. It sends and receives in very large packets, I believe. Probably too large for even a new machine to parse smoothly (right terms? if not, just use common sense). I cannot tell if it is their settings or their technology, I have not checked into it. But my Mum's machine is ancient in the world of technology, as well. So much to do, so little money. This little machine has replaced here television, for the most part, so I know I have to be thinking on this.
Oh, pardon the mispellings. I do not have a dictionary handy, I have not been writing or reading nearly to my normal level, and the machine does not offer any (if often wrong or poor) assistance.
I have done little I had planned, and enjoyed it. I have not taken care of some business I had on the list, I have not studied expect to figure out some of the questions I wish to ask my professor, and I have not been out too much, solo. We have been here and there, done this and that on my Mother's lists, and we or just kept busy enough not to have the stars aligned for my intentions. I have heard from the lovely young lady, the one with which I have some interest. It seems she has a beaux. That is not a problem, on several levels, perhaps more than one might think. I still intend to meet her for coffee and see some of her work. She has passed some useful information on, and I will be putting it to use.
Today I will be helping clean the place. My Mom does a good job, but in the time before her surgery, having a workhorse around is not a bad thing. She wants the house exceptionally clean for a number of reasons right now, and she is short, with a bum knee. I think she was a little surprised I started pushing for this. But with celebrations, travel, and her regular schedule, we just have not had the free time to dig in. I have been able to chip the ice off, keep her paths clean, and do some things for her, just not the major stuff I have planned yet. I am hoping to find a service or friends who will keep the ice off for her when I go.
She thinks I am doing better. Better than in years, perhaps decades. She also does not think I will ever make it to a fast graduation, perhaps even a career. She believes I am limited, in spite of intelligence. She was a little (very) nervous about telling me, wondering if it would not set me off to ponder in my lost world and away again. I assured her that truth will do no such thing. I also tried to help her see that keeping those secrets just out of reach would do so much more. I am not stupid, I see the shields behind which the unknown is hidden. I can almost touch souls. And when a belief or truth is not spoken, I wonder... think... doubt... search... hide... figure... No, she has done the right thing. I wish others would, and then help set me on a better path. Or at least offer their full right advice and guidance and allow me a wiser choice in my courses of action.
The Xterra has been fantastic. The hills, snow, ice, and slush have been no problem. The hind end does not slip like a truck. The warmth and comfort have been superior. My wool and silk longs have been a proved out, and impressively. The snow, clouds, and fog have been perpetual beautiful and calming. The night and what some folk think of as foul weather have always been my ladies. Their cloaking carresses, their loving promises, and the luck they have offered are all this blind man has needed to do what has been his lot to do. Someday, perhaps, they will fold me in their charms and deliver me to their darkest coldest sister, the one I know best. I hope it will be this way, in the company of the only loves who have remained true.
This is getting a bit long, but several failed attempts have left me tugging at the chain with much to write. Frustration, as other things, are lived, passed, and refound, perhaps in time even loved. But today, I will set it aside for the moment. I write!
My visit has been good. Off and on, up and down, but rather smooth and mild this time. This is becoming the normal rather than the exception. My mum is aging. She is dear to many and the scourge of few. It is good to be in her company, in her world. Even in her slowing, she does what she can for those around her. Liking all is a fruitless endeavor, taking care of those in need is what her world is about. Fighting them on this or that issue, and sometimes the hard feelings that go with it, is just part of that world view. Not a bad one if you ask me. And, as I age too, I see more that what she presents is not so off from my notions, though I only see where she acts. So, I learn. Woman, just because they are wrong does not mean that they are... well... wrong... Just... just trust me.
We have had a great Christmas here. Of course there has been pleasant familial and friendly visits. There has been food, travel, some beer, banter, and some real talk. New people have been met, old associations rekindled, and even a fresh kiss and a little grab ass or two to spark even this grumpy old man's world. And you know, I do not think Christ would bemoan any of it. In a song by Leonard Cohen, he speaks of there being a broken and a holy allelujha... Both are glorious, and spoken or sung right as we can, I suspect as he seems to suggest, both will please the Lord. In that song he suggests that through even his wrong, he will stand before the Lord with nothing on his tongue but Allelujha. Not a bad plan, at least to this lost child.
Getting online and staying online has been tricky. I think my Mum's ISP is odd. It sends and receives in very large packets, I believe. Probably too large for even a new machine to parse smoothly (right terms? if not, just use common sense). I cannot tell if it is their settings or their technology, I have not checked into it. But my Mum's machine is ancient in the world of technology, as well. So much to do, so little money. This little machine has replaced here television, for the most part, so I know I have to be thinking on this.
Oh, pardon the mispellings. I do not have a dictionary handy, I have not been writing or reading nearly to my normal level, and the machine does not offer any (if often wrong or poor) assistance.
I have done little I had planned, and enjoyed it. I have not taken care of some business I had on the list, I have not studied expect to figure out some of the questions I wish to ask my professor, and I have not been out too much, solo. We have been here and there, done this and that on my Mother's lists, and we or just kept busy enough not to have the stars aligned for my intentions. I have heard from the lovely young lady, the one with which I have some interest. It seems she has a beaux. That is not a problem, on several levels, perhaps more than one might think. I still intend to meet her for coffee and see some of her work. She has passed some useful information on, and I will be putting it to use.
Today I will be helping clean the place. My Mom does a good job, but in the time before her surgery, having a workhorse around is not a bad thing. She wants the house exceptionally clean for a number of reasons right now, and she is short, with a bum knee. I think she was a little surprised I started pushing for this. But with celebrations, travel, and her regular schedule, we just have not had the free time to dig in. I have been able to chip the ice off, keep her paths clean, and do some things for her, just not the major stuff I have planned yet. I am hoping to find a service or friends who will keep the ice off for her when I go.
She thinks I am doing better. Better than in years, perhaps decades. She also does not think I will ever make it to a fast graduation, perhaps even a career. She believes I am limited, in spite of intelligence. She was a little (very) nervous about telling me, wondering if it would not set me off to ponder in my lost world and away again. I assured her that truth will do no such thing. I also tried to help her see that keeping those secrets just out of reach would do so much more. I am not stupid, I see the shields behind which the unknown is hidden. I can almost touch souls. And when a belief or truth is not spoken, I wonder... think... doubt... search... hide... figure... No, she has done the right thing. I wish others would, and then help set me on a better path. Or at least offer their full right advice and guidance and allow me a wiser choice in my courses of action.
The Xterra has been fantastic. The hills, snow, ice, and slush have been no problem. The hind end does not slip like a truck. The warmth and comfort have been superior. My wool and silk longs have been a proved out, and impressively. The snow, clouds, and fog have been perpetual beautiful and calming. The night and what some folk think of as foul weather have always been my ladies. Their cloaking carresses, their loving promises, and the luck they have offered are all this blind man has needed to do what has been his lot to do. Someday, perhaps, they will fold me in their charms and deliver me to their darkest coldest sister, the one I know best. I hope it will be this way, in the company of the only loves who have remained true.
This is getting a bit long, but several failed attempts have left me tugging at the chain with much to write. Frustration, as other things, are lived, passed, and refound, perhaps in time even loved. But today, I will set it aside for the moment. I write!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Everything was going great until...
Find Ultrasound technicians
Actually, now life is better. And, thankfully, I still do not feel. Though, what I would not give for a cigar.
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