Not a great day.

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After getting up at 7:30 or thereabouts, I was off to a slow start. I wanted to get to city hall, but that did not happen. My next cue was to visit my friend. He called about as I was getting ready to leave and said he would be going to the hospital. He felt terrible and suspected he needed blood (which has always been the case, he knows when he needs). So, visiting was out and a soft spot to simply chill was out. I asked him to let me know what was happening, whether they were keeping him. He has not called yet. He may have been held overnight.

After that, my will or way became confused and I did nothing. My appointment was late in the afternoon, as there was a presentation being offered. The guy who trains my doc was there, and the discussion, shared by he and the doc, was regarding whole health. From my studies and past knowledge, it was excellent. I did learn some things, it is good to have someone to ask minor tweak questions about the topics, people who know pat what the answer is. And, where I trust the answers. All good. I simply returned home after that. Of course, after discussing weight loss, diet, exercise, and such, I went through McDonald's drive-through for a heart stopper dinner. Still, I do not have anything ready and able for cooking this night (which I will remedy).

Tomorrow I am hoping to rise early again. Coffee was not enough to see me mobile, nor was breakfast. I wonder if a shower first thing might work? Skipping lunch was not wise either, I know this. I really need to start keeping the right kind of foods around in order to eat much more frequently, in smaller doses, of the right stuff. I am working on that, slowly. Part of the reason I am excited about the wheat cereal and legume/bean rice lunch is the possibility of splitting that out, knowing the ease of spreading that to smaller more frequent meals.

After rising, whenever, I am still hoping to visit city hall. Then I would like to find the outlet my doc spoke of, for a final assessment of costs and product availability, regarding storage foods. It might well be that, locally, through the Mormon Churches kind outreach, it may be much more affordable (thus sustainable and scalable), to store foods here in Utah. As well, I would like to visit Sears and Lowe's and do an assessment test on deals, bargains, and apples to apples price testing on the soft water kit, reverse osmosis kit (both installed), a lawnmower, and a weed whip. I know what I want and need (for the most part), but I do not know what kind of deals can be generated by multiple larger item buys.

As well, I will be able to check on my friend again tomorrow. I am not worried, I do think the hospital here is good. But not knowing is a frustration. I am glad he called and we had that little talk Monday. Perhaps it was not my place, but if not mine, whose place was it? He really should not just die. I suppose if no one cared, he might even begin to not care though. Useful? Who, actually, is useful? Most suits in D.C. are less than useful, collecting for themselves and spending beyond that, other people's money, often for a very negative impact on the economy. How many people could most companies simply fire without any impact on their production, no impact at all? (A: Lots) No, that does not work. Anyway... I will check on him too. Heck, I am more useless than him, "earning more" and doing no more.

Oh, I had more flirtations today than I have had in a while. I remember why I was an empty suit, and... The notion is tempting. Appearances are so important. Let it go when you can, want to, need to, or whatnot... but never do so out there. The fish, indeed, are hungry and biting. That is all for that. Well, one other thing... I had a, I would guess, 25 to 30 year old woman blush like a bonfire while I was simply chit-chatting at a check out counter. Huh? I must have forgotten some things I used to know.

Well, a bit of blog reviewing, a check on news from more trusted or local sources, then I think it will be bedtime. I did nap, but... it feels like bedtime...

Good night, Harrison... Hope you enjoy the Corvette.

Comparing and contrasting.

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I think retailers do try to make it difficult to compare products. They change sizes, carry different product, have different varieties, making an apples to apples comparison a bit like economic and logic gymnastics. Still, I tumble over the size differences, do a little research regarding product types and what would be best for this or that, and... still end up scratching my head. I am guessing it will come down to what the best advice I can find suggests, a bit of gut instinct, and simply acting (in purchasing) in spite of that gnawing feeling I always get when I get the nagging feeling I am out of my depth.

I am trying to compare grain prices at the moment. I have one more stop today to investigate a potential new, and from what I hear, better outlet for some or much of my long term food preparation. The only thing on my side is that I have looked around, I have been price shopping for some time off and on, and I have a rough idea what I need.

Of course, whether to plan for 1 person, as I had thought to do, is now seemingly unlikely. I am beginning to think that planning for 3 people is the way to go, at least at this point. Beyond offering more room for my own needs, mistakes, and waste (it happens, I cook enough to know), it includes some room for charity. Who knows, she...

...might show up and say, well, are you going to feed me or what? What else could I do? The poor thing cannot even afford clothes to cover herself completely. I am such a teddy bear that way. Oh, and I would cry crocodile tears all the way to my pantry, bee-line too, of course. *toothy grins*

I had hoped to begin building a post, with links to some of the many topics, products, and processes I have bought, am preparing to buy, or am toying with, but until I can get this last thing sorted, I will hold off on that post. Still, it is frustrating. One other thing I will be doing, once I get my printer going, is beginning that buying list D.C. has linked most recently. That is to D.C.'s page. Here is the actual page which his link originates, with the food buying guide. I want the thing printed, as some of the items will not be needed. My eating habits are changing to add more grain and rice, so my dietary needs in other ways may be reduced and I would like to see while shopping so as to navigate more on my feet.

Well, the coffee is almost gone, I am getting nothing done since my price comparison shopping seems to be a bust, so it is time to get on to some other things. Hmm, even with this waking, seemingly lost cause, blogging, and a shower and shave, I will still be on my feet and going before I have usually been waking for a goodly bit. I guess that cannot be all bad, since this has been my goal. Bah! I will find something else to complain about later, I am sure.

Good day.

A different part of the day sure looks, feels, and smells different.

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At 7:35, computer warmed, logged into, and a small breakfast it the right place, I contemplate things a bit differently than usual. It has been some time since I woke at this cool of a part of the day. It is nearly... no it is... chilly this morning. Refreshingly chilly. It seems like forever since last I felt an actual bit of chill, and I would not say I have ever felt it in my new home though maybe. It is a good set of new things after yesterday's whirlwind. But I cannot stop with yesterday or this morning. Much to do, little time to do it as I see it and maybe just how it is, and people want to visit.

I have a number of things to do today, though nothing appointment like until much later in the day. For now, a medium wake up, for which I am about to brew coffee in the French press. Some news, the blogs, and of course my own blog, need to be covered. Then perhaps a few tinkerings about the house, some new containers need to be cleaned and stowed, the silverware I have been meaning to get to are still sitting on the counter and their being tended will see me with more counter space to boot. A couple of final loads of laundry, at which point I will be caught up with both my usage and the various unpacking finds I have made so far. A shower in there somewhere to be ready to head out, and a bit of comparison shopping on the links D.C. kindly found and put out there for me (for the zillionth time?).

Regardless about grain prices, I will probably join Sam's Club today. The price of some things is just ridiculously low, on many of the products I use, when bought in bulk. Commercial cans of ketchup? I think not. Commercial amounts of many other things, from trash bags to whatever and odd things from wheelbarrows to other things can be had. Need? Use to be sure. Some people only ever use shopping bags for garbage, which is fine. Others find whatever they need at garage sales. Which amazes me. I am stuck, to some degree, with doing things the way I do them as I cannot always remember to be where I might find whatever. I am limited and so be it. So, for me, Sam's Club will probably pay.

After joining the above, I need to take the printer cartridges back. But there is more wrong with this printer than I can figure. Nothing has worked to get past the machines out of paper or ink problems. I think the thing is dead, give or take, and just does not know it. So, I will be looking for a new printer. Now that I have a phone, a device with fax along with all else I have might be convenient. I could very well fax the darned papers myself for far less than I have been paying. And, one last thing for certain. I would like to have Sears and Lowe's compete for price and a bit of financing for 4 items... a water softener (installed), a reverse osmosis system (installed), a lawnmower, and a weed whip. I can pay for more (or less) of it, but not all of it. Even a 6 month, interest free, situation would be enough to cover that rest and see me without more cost via financing. Not sure any but the mower and weed whip will happen otherwise, this month.

After that, I am not sure. I am still a bit fuzzy while in the waking process. A visit to with my friend will occur sometime this afternoon. I might take a movie. But before that, I may need a nap. Probably before going to town. If It is going to be another long day. Starting this early is so odd. Hmm, perhaps too, a revisit of city hall to make sure everything is in order, figure out what the bill will be and if it is due, and to ensure they have the correct mailing address, as they currently only have my physical address.

Well... Good morning! Uhrm, I think?

Game.

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After hearing this term batted back and forth, all this jazz about alphas, betas, and whatnot, and a very little reading (I was not really all that excited about it, just curious), I could not wrap my mind about what was being discussed, so I simply ignored the matter to a degree. And so it has been for some time. Then, recently, it came to me... That is what was used every time I had a dalliance. There is no trick to it, no magic, no... anything. It is what a man uses when he wants to get close to a woman, or quite often, how he tames a shrew. And, to some extent, are they not all shrews? It is part of their game, I suppose. Some play it up front, others play it mid game, some use it as end game strategy, I suppose others are shrewish off and on. I do not really know the strategy of women, it seemed quite irrelevant to my needs, purposes, goals, or the results to be honest.

It does seem as though someone has spent a great deal of time turning what any experienced, half-sharp, typical boy then man will figure out on his own. I have to wonder how pencil-necked the author must be. Even if his strategy works for him, I have to think that it is the only strategy which would. I could be wrong, but I would have to find out better to believe. And, as usual, I would still be somewhat suspicious. Turning the art and aggression of romance into chess just does not cut it. Too much is missing, more so since the stated ends of most of the "gurus" of Game is merely sex.

So, after all this time about wondering what this thing is, I realize, I have known it my whole life. Or, since I was about 5. That is when I "seduced" my first lover. Neither of us new a thing, but I did get it done. If too, I had no clue at the time what 'done' meant, only that I could not bring myself to quit until it was, until years later. Three or four years after that, I began having more regular sex and finally understood. Ah, orgasm.

It was in my early 20's when I decided that Game was not right. Well, perhaps how I was using Game was the thing that was incorrect, if I did not understand that at the time. It seems that we must age, try, fail, and experience in order to grow and learn. Still, at that point, I decided to change my whole approach. I would be kind, I would be attentive, I would... it failed. It failed miserably. No, I still had love(rs). But being a bad dog was the nature of the beast, and I did not know how to undo that. Perhaps at that age with the rearing I had, that was as good as I was capable of doing. Perhaps too, I simply did not understand enough to fundamentally change either my use of Game, definitely not the main other variable (women), nor the circumstances of social disconnect with sexual amoral attitudes and allowances. Even a stint being celibate did not fix the problem. I kept trying, and failing, ending up in my own doghouse of shame in spite of having no difficulty finding, keeping, ditching, or even having multiple love(r)s.

It has only been in the last 10 years that I came to understand a few more things which would allow me to rearrange my life a bit. I realized that the ends I was getting were not the ends I was looking to obtain. However, I realized too that the means, generally, had nothing to do with the outcome. Game, by itself, is the only functional manner in which to find a mate, whether temporary or long term. So, I had to ask, what was my problem. Other variables, of course. Choosing women who could not or would not be viable long term loves or lovers (more or less on that last... digging up bones was an occasional habit back then). As well, having no clear cut idea of what I wanted with a woman (the classic... dog chases car every day for weeks, one day he catches it... then what?). Beyond, I did not know if I even wanted a family.

Time to make some decisions. My last love(r), my current lady friend, was the last of my mistakes. Friend? Sure, give or take, and for my part. I can never trust her with anything significant, there is something fundamentally wrong with her. After her, I became celibate again, and attempt to keep that as close to a vow as I am humanly possible. In this state, I have been considering what I want with a woman, whether I want a family, and how to achieve those things.

Game, as I have suggested, as brutal as it is, is the only method. It creates a hunger in her, it develops some of the natural antagonism needed for a partnership (call it the emotion aus jus of love, romance, and that sort of thing). It also creates a hierarchy in the relationship. It is part of our animal inheritance, I should guess. I have decided I want a woman for more than sex. As fascinating of creatures as they are sexually, there has always seemed more too them, if I have never understood that (and realize I probably never will). Still, I do not have to understand women fully to fully engage them as whole beings. They have so much to offer. Being as often wrong as right, like us, melding the minds to a degree can come up with better options (in certain areas... out of my computer, woman!). A bit more, I do want a family. Children, that is, along with a wife.

Time is growing late. Oh, I could live to twice my current age and more. But do I really want to be a 90 year old father? Or a 70 year old father. Heck, if I start now, I will just push them out of the door before I hit my mid-sixties. Still, I suppose, I do have some time. Now, though, it is time to seriously begin looking. I am not sure how deep or wide the pool of women is here. But I do know I will be looking, using Game, winnowing a good bit, and may well come up with a wife. Children? As with all things, this too is in His hands.

As with many changes planned and being actuated, this is becoming more real every day. This search will take place. A wife, children, as I said, knowing whether or not either will be found or produced is not within my perview. All I can do is go out and beat the street, knock on doors, and try to tame my own shrew. What a change, and yet such little changes compared to what I thought was needed. I suppose, too, even in this and back then, I think God was guiding. If nothing else through the gift of conscience. I bowed to it and Him and here I am, looking for a second master in the form of a mistress. Go figure. It is, indeed, His plan.

Good night, Uncle Bobby. I will say a prayer for the deliverance and rest of your soul tonight.

What a day!

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And, I think, I mean that in the best of ways.

I did get my shower and make it to city hall in time to talk to... someone. She is not the regular clerk, secretary, mayor, whoever, but she was friendly, took my name and phone number, and will pass it on. Monday is trash day, every other Monday is recycling. Today was both. Okay, I can do that. Still, I had not gotten everything I wanted to take to town, so I came back home and grabbed some things, ensuring Sam did not sneak, shove, or sprint by me as my time was short, or so I thought.

In town I stopped at... it seems like... a dozen places. Sam's Club employees allowed me to wander the halls. While there, I took down the price of various items I know I use, marking the numbers and the price on my little "pad". Next, a visit to the coop. They have things Sam's Club simply did not seem to carry (though... well, it was me looking and I was not exactly doing an inventory). I took some prices down there and picked up several pounds of hard red wheat, among other things. Oh, right, I purchased tahini, for hummus, which I will make... soon, I am sure. After that, I went to lunch. Then, to what I thought was my appointment. But both today and tomorrow have appointments at 17:00 and then 17:30. So, to Lowe's I go. Screen, for the wheat system, since my internet search came up bust. As well, I purchased a couple of wire clippers, better ones. One for the vehicle and one for the house, so I do not cut myself again. I almost got cut again recently, while cutting those same type of bindings. So, I promised to get these but with so much going on and such large lists of so many varieties... Well, today was the day.

I then went to a grocery store to attempt to get my regular toilet paper and paper towels. They were well over twice the price I am familiar with! Running a little low on time and energy, I called to see if my friend was home. Sure enough, and he thought it would be just fine if I came by. So, on my way, I grabbed him a bit to eat as thanks. Plus, he does not eat like he should anyway. When I arrived, we talked a bit. He is looking a little pale. The good news? He did try to visit the doctor who worked on him before, but the doctor was out for today, as was his staff. So, he will be calling tomorrow. Whatever I said lit a fire and he is taking care. Good, good... I am pleased with him. I only said the obvious.

The chiropractic appointments, to be honest, are excellent. Not only is pain, for the most part, really leaving (mostly, which is quite good) but too, from interaction and the 'works', whole body flexibility and function seems to be... advancing. This is quite good. Yeah, I know, doubting Thomas and all... I will admit to still being dubious. It is just that results will win me where words will not, even if then only partially. Oh, while discussing my exploration of wheat cereal with my doc, he seemed a bit excited himself. He is a solid collector of foods and whatnot, but had not really considered how to use this it seems. So, when I get my stupid printer to work (or buy a new one as may be needed), I will print out a copy for him. Oh yes, another thing while there. I was asking where he goes, where the best prices for this type of thing is. He told me about a Mormon outlet there in town. I will be visiting it tomorrow and will see what they have, prices, and information available! He says they do not run a profit business and that any are welcome. Being a talker has it's benefits... usually.

After the appointment, I had to make one or more stops. First a fax was sent, to the insurance adjuster. I have another two faxes to be sent but cannot do that until I can write a letter, print it, then fax that with another paper. I bought printer ink, but I think it is the wrong one, so it needs to be returned tomorrow. I decided to try and do the rest of my shopping at Wal-Mart. TP, paper towels, of course, but I also grabbed printer paper, a water timer, leaky hose for watering (though that may go back, depending on the sprinkler), fertilized potting soil (organic, but that is all they had), 4 more small planters, and jars for the wheat. I could not find a funnel that would fit the thermos, so... I bought an oil funnel and will trim it. Do not worry, D.C., I will not use duct tape on any of it and make matters more hick!

I think, I think I say, that is all I did today, though I make no guarantees. Upon arriving home, I called my mother to see if she has arranged for wheelchair service at the airport. Not yet, but I will keep both her and my friend reminded. What an EXCITING, LONG, BUSY, SUCCESSFUL DAY! My world, is, indeed, changing and for the better.

Up and moving.

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An hour later than I had hoped, and still having to chug through to wake up, but. I might still make it to city hall in time to transfer utilities. As well, I am chugging to wakefulness much quicker today than... in a long while. I have, as they say, things to do. I think this bug of life and getting things done as well as I am able is getting to me. I... like that.

I have already done one job today. I completed the drying of the last of the laundry from last night. Two more small loads and I will be done altogether. I wash woolens (socks for the most part) and whites separately. Both need cold water and special detergents (at least from time to time on the woolens). I need to figure out how to put up a clothes line, with multiple lengths of line, to utilize the summer and cut down on electricity. Plus, to some degree, I like line dried much better. Maybe not with jeans, if memory serves, but with the rest. And towels soak up more when line dried, if they are a bit 'harder' (which, to me, is usually a good thing as well).

I have a lot of plans for today, but first and foremost, is getting to city hall. Then a trip to Sam's Club, the localish coop, and maybe a few other places to get the wheat breakfast experiment of ought 10 (ha!) going. Toilette paper has to be bought! Wow, that was an oversight. I was not able to get the printer to work. I am not sure if replacing the ink cartridges will work or is even wise, but that looks like the next move. And, I can fax one of the things I need to send in today. Then a stop by to see my friend and give him another jolt of my opinion. And of course, my appointment in there somewhere. Shrug... I will do what I can.

Oh, my comment section seems to be dysfunctional. I get the emails with the comments, and even respond to them, but... They simply are not appearing on my page. As well, when I comment on some other blogs, my comments have not been showing up, even one's not affiliated with blogger. I wonder if there is some sort of partial block on things. A hacker, government experiment (to block specific people), or some such going on, or whether blogger . com has bungled things (or my ISP has). Hard to tell. I might never know for certain.

Laterz!

A rough end to a long day.

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I will not say it is a bad end, only that I am feeling it. Though little was actually accomplished, I did need the rest. And yet, I am ready for bed and have been for a while. However, some last minute chores have kept me up. I have set my alarm for 9:00, which will be tough, but I need to get local utilities covered.

I did boil a dozen eggs for breakfast this week, do three loads of laundry, the last of which will simply go into the dryer as I slip into bed. I did keep up with dishes as I cooked and ate, doing some extra along the way. I also researched a dozen topics and looked for a number of products today. The plants have been watered, Sam has been allowed in and out and in and out and is now sitting in my lap asking if sleep will happenz? So, it has not been a complete waste. Did I mention, I am looking into growing my own tobacco? Here and I had thought it to be quite illegal. Only if growing it for commercial purposes is it restricted and strictly regulated. Interesting. Chew, pipe, and cigar tobacco is of interest to me, though they obviously have cigarette tobacco. I doubt if I will need a portion of what a smoker would need, as I chew a can a week (as apposed to a pack or two a day) and smoke cigars and my pipe only occasionally.

Tomorrow will see me in to the chiropractor, at Sam's Club, to the coop, and buying a few things. Though I do have eggs boiled, that is not my favorite breakfast. However, I have decided that breakfast must be had and eggs will do. I am really hoping to have a supply of wheat and the kit for sprouted wheat breakfasts. I cannot say if I will like it. Still, like or not, it may go on the menu... much like eggs are currently on the menu.

There are so many things I am looking at and into with plans all over the board. And, yet, with my finances and current ability, some of it looks neigh impossible. Of course, I thought moving to Utah was a pipedream. I thought buying a house was a lark. What can be done will be done, over time, and probably more than I think. I have to wonder that many people are in the same boat. And people that are much further along feel, oddly, the same way I do. How to get there fast enough without destroying their life or even health, and in many ways. I have come to a, possibly wrong, conclusion that the people who lived here before me went too far in a contracting economy and lost it all. They pushed well, but then got lost on the road to capital wealth.

False environmentalist did not help them, they must have left a couple hundred dollars in those fancy new light bulbs, most of them seem quite new. As usual, I have had two new ones burn out already. I will replace the lot of them, and no, I will not be finding some toxic recycling or dumping ground and paying a small fortune to dispose of them properly... or what they say is proper. A simple burial in the local landfill with a promise never to buy such dread things again. And a weary sigh at the foolishness of it all. They are cooler, literally, but at the price in so many ways, they might as well be nuclear waste.

Well, a few more things folded, put on hangers, or otherwise properly reposed until their use is needed, and then sleep. For some reason, this day seems to be one of my longest on recall. Just one of those things...

Good night, Nancy. Yeah, I remember you well and warmly, and even know where you are. Sweet dreams little one.

Utah, becoming more and more the place to be.

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Aside from having the right to carry a loaded pistol in my vehicle, open carry in most places (not the big cities, or even many small ones, mind you... though even that is becoming more likely as the state and cities hammer out who has what rights with the state coming down on the citizen's side of things... and winning I think). But a law is set to be proposed allowing all Utah residents the right to conceal carry... without a permit. Beyond that, the author of the proposal is a man after my own heart. So, perhaps, there are some politicians who can get it right. Well, if fed and watered properly? And, of course, with much support. It works both ways. Here is one of the articles on the matter. I may have found a politicians whose coffers deserve a bit of my, if piddly, money. Sure, give if you like, but why not find your own politicians? Unless you live in Utah, then send it in!

Something else they might be doing is offering the option to license, for out of state reciprocity purposes. One of the things that might change with that is to add range shooting qualification for an even greater reciprocity. Nothing says loving like arming the ants?
That is something I need to begin working on again. I like the idea of concealed carry (if generally I prefer open carry). Sometimes, however, conceal carry is simply smarter for a number of reasons.

Yeah, whatever. Get out of here. Ha! Or, get on your bikes and ride! (fat bottomed girls, after all and all that jazz)

Doh! It is Monday.

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For whatever reason I was thinking today was still Sunday. I missed yesterday's meal and am not having one today either as it turns out. Still, I have meat aplenty and will partake shortly. A couple of cold brots, warmed if I am in that mood, goes a long way toward fulfilling my needs and wants. I received an email from my regular hosts that next Sunday is off. So, two weeks of no company and no food? I will survive.

I am trying to get my printer to work. The fool thing says there is no paper while I know darn well there is. There might be a lever or something maladjusted. I will be tinkering with the thing over the course of the afternoon, in my usual high speed fashion. Do not look at me like that! I need and want to get it going. I have a letter to write and print and another set of tasks for it.

A discussion with D.C. (you are welcome) brought to my attention, again, the problems with bookmarks, then carrying that notion on to internet access sometimes but certainly in a SHTF scenario, not to mention the internet kill switch the dictator in chief is vying to obtain (or has received), and all things electronic are somewhat questionable. To that end, I intend to begin a project of printing and filing survival type materials. Everything from wheat cereals to cistern building plans and on to whatever I think I will, or might, eventually need. As well, some things I may never get to but which could be useful, such as larger building plans, how to cut down trees, and other such data. Along with my books about electricity, electrical systems, science, mathematics, and other sources, I will begin developing a database, in print one way or another.

If something unforeseen and catastrophic happens merely to the internet, but the world has not quite ended (as we know it), a quick scan and paste job would see any particular piece back out there for whoever may need or want it. This will further D.C.'s notion of the weakness of bookmarks, and his idea of creating a sidebar dedicated to real ideas intended to prepare for both a more basic living and for a possible future where that might be the only option. Only, stolen and implemented here... soon... Yes, soon, maybe, or shortly.

Of course, I am filling a already overloaded job basket with more jobs, but that will help me stretch. More, it fits my style of doing things and is more practical than some of the work projects currently in the near queue. As well, it might well end up with me doing some of my projects a lot better, with less expense and greater function (and perhaps form), than what I might have stumbled through on my own. Yes, yes, I do think this will work.

Anyway, first I have to get the dratted printer to print.

Ciao.

Sympathy? Yes and no.

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More on the negative side of things. That is not always true. If people are in a poor position with little or no fault of their own, I exude sympathy, empathy, or the like. If those cases are rare, so much the better. I will not give sympathy for a lack of self concern, a modicum of attention to upkeep of devices and equipment, a reliance upon unrealiable, unsavory, or unwise principles, people, or processes, and none for a lack of effort on the part of the protagonist. However, if in deep, I have the time, I see some effort, or I judge a nudge is needed, I will offer that in the absence of the sympathy, et al.

My friend called me today to tell me he had two nose bleeds. Both lasting an hour or more. These are the nose bleeds that have caused me to actually witness him being filled with 1 large bag of saline, 3 small bags of saline, and 3 units of blood! He knows of a fix, but he has been reluctant to push for the surgery. True, the surgery is temporary, lasting only 2 to 5 years. True, his finances are slim (if he manages them very well). And, sure, he is dependent on the charity of a local, state, and national populace. However, by not taking care and going for the fix, he is ending up costing more in emergency room procedures. He may well have, through loss of blood, caused his iron deficiency as well as other deficiencies in his blood. And he is risking his very life.

When he called today, he thought he would receive sympathy. Or, maybe that was on his mind. It was not in the offing. I gave him a stern set of my thoughts on the matter. Further, he will not get away with merely that. I will be checking his progress in contacting the doctor who has fixed his bleeding twice or more in the past. He has some anomaly in his nose, the cartilage, which causes the bleeding. It can and has been patched. I will bug him when I visit and by phone until he arranges an appointment.

It is his life, but if he is going to impact my life with his problem, I am going to counter that with action. I told him I do not want to hear that he was found dead in his apartment because he let a nose bleed go. Oh, I also told him to call someone if his nose bleeds more than half an hour. Well, it does not so much bleed as squirt blood right through whatever he tries to suppress it with. Two of such, or several of those over several days, and he might find himself unable to think fully, like the day I took him to the ER. He will die.

I also suggested that, at this time, he is merely a government subsidy to hospitals and clinics. He is a mild money-maker for them. If he takes the right steps, he will become expensive enough that they will see to a fix. If that house in Malibu is becoming less attractive because of a patient, that patient will go to the head of the line for a real fix rather than a mild patch. And, yes, I think that is true. Too much of medical, especially for the poor, is about using them to pad the bottom line at the least expense to the medical community. It is not about comprehensive health care. This, before the obamanation thing. I can only imagine afterward! Heck, I think the V.A. is, anymore, just a secure job for often unemployable doctors, nurses, and bureaucrats than anything resembling health care for disabled veterans. It has been opened to any and all veteran, not just disabled veterans, making it just another medicaid type scam. Or, something like that.

Bah! But NO sympathy. If I had a reasonable medical practice with which to work, I would be doing so. If they knew what was wrong and proved useful in fixing it, I would be at the V.A. He has it and will not use it. Only anger, scorn, and a push will he get. Just saying.

Anyway. One thing off my list, as he is feeling too weak to attend the family event, so I too will not be attending. I am both happy and disappointed. I like his family and gatherings in general. I was looking forward to another meal out. And I like seeing him get together with his family, whether he likes it always or not. Though I know he does if we share curmudgeon notions about everything from time to time, for him, it shows on this issue. However, now I will not miss my regular Sunday affair on top of it. It would have been too late to do both. And, I have a few things I would like to share with my hosts. One, that they might be eligible now for one of the obamanation medical plans and then about that breakfast of champions (or lunch, or option) I wrote of earlier. So, good and bad, take it as it comes.

A new day, new food plans, and assundry.

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I have not received a call from my friend. I had a tough morning though, so that is good. I woke at 9:30, easily, but was in such pain from headache, neck, and back or something... that I took some (lots of) aspirin and went back to bed for an hour. Oh what help that was. I was not necessarily tired, but the pain was... severe. I was not awake enough to isolate where or what regarding the pain, just that there was a wall of it and I could not function through it. The extra hour helped, with the aspirin. The mix is almost a pure cure to any pains of neck, head, back, and shoulders I have every experienced. More will be needed later, I know this too.

I will, now, after waking up, prepare for the day. Shower, shave, brush teeth and hair, dress and put on a smiley face, give or take. Hopefully to be ready for a call. I may even, if not called by then, drive in to town and just visit with my friend until the call arrives. That way we will be ready whenever and close at hand as well.

After a bit of back and forth on whole wheat for breakfast, I think I am sold. As well, the people who kindly allowed me a month overstay with them at their house, the Mr. in particular, had a breakfast meal of his own of rice, legumes, and maybe some other stuff, that I am considering adding to my diet. I could see using one as breakfast, the other as lunch, saving meat for dinner. I know that when I do not eat something early and for lunch, I eat much more all at once, I do not have as much daylong stamina, and there are other problems. I would guess my current eating habits are tres mal. Sehr gut is the way to go.

And you all thought I was merely looking for a different place. No, what I am seeking out here is a new life. A life with some future and longevity. A life with meaning, purpose, use, and function. And a simple change of location will not offer that, it was only the doorway and an offering of the fertile grounds and good neighbors with and with whom to explore and conquer this concept. No, the quest has only just begun.

I feel, sometimes, nearly hopelessly overwhelmed. Changing habits, preconceived notions, long held beliefs, patterns of living, on top of being in unfamiliar territory as a vast minority is asking just a bit. And yet, God seems to be with me. As I attempt to follow His ways, pray to do His will, and honestly attempt to give my life over to Him, I find myself meeting the right people at the right time to make a shift here. Learning a new concept there. And beginning to see myself, others, and even God in a way I could not have foreseen. My only credit has been that I heard His voice and decided to follow it. And, here I am. I do need to get to Church, my following needs both legitimate guidance, functional worship, and fellowship or it might easily become warped. And, that is coming. It is all coming, one piece, one thought, one action at a time.

Anyway, that is what I see on a sunny Sunday afternoon, in northern Utah, sitting in my new home. Pleased, satisfied, but knowing the road is not done and it is not an easy road to follow or stay on.

Hup, best get to some things. Good day.

A nice celebration, but...

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It is not over. I have been invited to another celebration party tomorrow some time. The family of my friend has invited him and the "funny looking guy"... or so he says. I asked, "Really?", and he actually fell for it and answered, "No!".

Anyway, chuck roast, hamburgers, brots, and ribs were cooked on the grill tonight. With so much on such a limited space, it took a bit longer to cook. Still, it all finished well and was tasty too! He ate little, but sometimes he is like that. Age and health are not in his favor. Then again, a large baked potato with butter and sour cream does fill one up. I had a smattering of this and that and it was, indeed, good.

I am learning how to keep the cat from the raw and cooked foods. I have learned to be a little tricky and vigilant when that is not possible. The trash, unfortunately, is going to have to be secured in some other fashion though. She has figured out how to tip the kitchen basket. I bought one with a lid she cannot penetrate, but when it tips, that comes off.

I am enjoying the weekend, and for the most part, not worrying about anything. I hope many people are doing that as well. Though I suspect with unemployment, so many businesses going out of business, the poor outlook on improvement, and the mud of socialism washing over everything and everyone, that may not be as true as I hope. I do not pray for jobs so much, but I do pray that people find their own way in this mess. Jobs will not come by prayer but through political change. Even a change back to the last President Bush would be, well, mostly, good enough, in the short term. If we do not turn back the clocks politically, back to before Democrats were open socialists and Republicans became secret socialists, there is not going to be a grand new economic tomorrow... Ever. As I said though, I attempt not to look at these things.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. Depending on when that party is, I may end up going to two meals out, with my regular Sunday dinner group and the dinner with the family of my friend. Wow, food! I have been living on leftovers for a goodly while, and frozen dinners for a good bit before that, so real fresh food is like catnip to a cat? Something like that. I did stuff a bit tonight. I think, somehow though, I will manage tomorrow. On some things I really am an optimist.

And, I did the dishes before I left. The meat is safely stowed in the refrigerator. The plants will get their second watering of the day. My belly looks happy, if somewhat sleepy. So, it is about time to crawl into bed and enjoy a cool night, the temp is supposed to drop to a delicious crisp 45 F. Oh, I will sleep. I will sleep well, hard, deep, and fat. I will dream of steers which I can cut off what I want to eat and ride the rest home. I will dream of cool refreshing drinks and chatter. I will dream of pleasant days, pleasant company, and a world to explore. I might even fly tonight on my way to some dreamy place or mission against tyranny.

Be well. This dog is going to his doghouse. Good night, Shelly.

Happy 4th of July!

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On a day which celebrates the birth of a new and wonderful nation, I will celebrate. Nothing fancy mind you, having moved into a new place, only partly unpacked, with a kitchen only half way arranged, and few friends in this new place, it will be a humble grill and chill day. Do what you can with what you have though. I suppose that is what brought this young nation to prominence. Well, that and a government which usually did not interfere.

Of course, that whole line of thinking ends in an uncomfortable place, in spite of or because of the day being what it is. And, though I will celebrate, I cannot help but follow that line of thought to various possible conclusions. Only a few of those conclusions are celebratory in nature. I realize, like every man who has stepped out of his door and realized he would have to fight and maybe die for this nation, that I am in a war. Now, like during the Revolution, the war is on my doorstep, and the enemy is advancing still.

All that has allowed this nation, this geographic region, and these (my) people to advance to financial, industrial, educational, military, technological, and other prominence has been the freedom of the people. That freedom has not been so much a libertine freedom, but a freedom from criminals and the government. At this time, as probably always anyway, the difference between those two has blurred. I am quite certain, that with no manipulation, needing only prosecutors and judges who are strictly Constitutionally based, many politicians in power today could be arrested and charged with... more crimes than what a plea bargain could help them.

This group is making more laws than they understand, putting teeth in the laws in ways that are not fully understood, and creating a police state that makes every one of us a criminal. Just for being a veteran, for example, many of us are being scrutinized by the federal government. Those of us who are conservative on top of that? I wonder how large my file is now?

Further, these same politicians are destroying our economy, have disabled our schools from low to high, are neutering our military in a time of war, are encouraging our national enemies while stymieing our allies (what of those actually still exist), are destroying access and use of what our nation needs to be competitive, and are calling it all good. And to be honest, the "opposition" is both weak at best and fraudulent as a usual. We, as a people, do not have a representative government anymore.

I do not know, with absolute certainty, how bad it is or how close we are to the brink or even if we are over the tipping point. However, I do know this same situation sounds a lot like the situation that brought about the very celebration we are having today. Go ahead, have a hot dog, hamburger, steak, ribs, coleslaw, potato salad, beer, juice, water, milk, or such. Yack it up with the dudes and dudettes you know and love. Watch fireworks and light them yourself. Enjoy the day, the sun, the breeze, the chatter. But never forget why we celebrate or how thin what we celebrate has become. Think, man. This is, or was, your country. If you want to keep it, or regain it, it will be no easier, or freer, to do today than it was back when.

Cheers!

Dismembered Veterans to pay tax on their artificial limbs.

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I was reading my list of blogs and ran into this at Left Coast Rebel's site and wanted to pass it on. It IS important, even more important than my words (ravings). Remember that post I did a bit back, the one about evidence. Well, the link to the tax increases has something I missed or is involved with more than what I saw. One of the new taxes in it taxes artificial limbs. Democrats, it seems, purposefully and willfully denied exemptions for disabled veterans. Left Coast Rebel has more at his blog, and here specifically.

Being the 4th of July, now, technically, and here... I just thought I would let you in on how your government treats those it sends out to do what it wants. As before, you can thank your rulers by phone, fax, email, smilygram, or whatever you like. But this time, do make sure to thank them... with the harshest words you can mostly civilly muster. I am sure, with the size of the thing, they thought this would be overlooked. And, sadly, for the most part, it will be. But not here, not at LCR, and with enough bloggers passing this around, maybe the real news WILL be known. We do not need the msm anymore, have not for a long time anyway.

Trying to kick the sleepy leg over the saddle.

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It is, again, time to ride. I still have limitations. I still have a decent wound. And I still have a ton of business other than my business to do. But it is not only time... I am feeling a very strong urge which in truth I must temper... but everything is back in place for me to begin.

This is never easy. Like grabbing a snake with 4 bodies, heads, and tails, what lies before me is something I cannot seem to get a mental grasp upon and so am never sure quite where to begin. With the kitchen open again, though, I started with the dishes. All but a few that need to be rewashed and dinner items have been washed. I will finish those last before I rest tonight. Laundry will be started, though I will simply pick it up in the morning. Call it a primer to get the pump working in that area. The tools and spare parts I could not return or did not return, are being shuffled into their spaces, as I figure out where they should go anyway. And I am about ready to pick up where I left off in sorting out the kitchen.

I have a spare set of silverware to clean, dry and store. It has it's own storage box, which holds the utensils themselves, along with a host of additional pieces that came with the set. All need to be washed, dried, and stored. I have a number of boxes opened and the items have been sorted to a degree. Measuring cups to china, baking wares to butter dishes. Pots and pans boxes are yet to be opened and sorted. I am hoping I can wash and put away all that is opened and the silverware set in one day and to the pots and pans on the next workday. Sorting by use and then storing as logically as I am able. Some things, of course, will need to be rearranged as the kitchen becomes more functional and I get a better handle on where to store various items. But a beginning must start somewhere, even if it happens to be based on theory initially.

My hand, now, has pretty much closed solidly. There is still a scab about 1/4th to 1/2 inch long and 1/8th inch wide remaining. It is healing, of course, in the reverse of how an onion peels out. The area is solid, swelling still occurs to varying amounts, and it is limited in movement currently. It feels like I have another knuckle there, and on the wrong side of the hand. Though I do not think it wise to begin using it fully, I think it is time to attempt to rehabilitate it. The gyroscopic device, the little one, is what I will be using. I may only use it in that hand until I regain some strength in it. My right hand is already way overpowered in comparison, and it has been being worked exclusively and a good deal on top of that.

I cooked brots and chorizo on the grill tonight. I way overcooked them. It was better than undercooked but a flop. It served some meat, filled a hunger, but I will probably toss them. Nothing like biting into dry cardboard looking hotdogs. I will have to watch this much more closely. That grill cooks very fast, much faster than I thought possible. I will learn. For tomorrow, I pulled hamburger, ribs, and a roast out. I am going to try and cook them on the grill. I will ask my friend if he wants to come over for the event. I am guessing it has been a long time since he went to a 4th of July celebration. Not that I have decorations, all the fancy salads and deserts, or hordes of zombie nommers over (though I hope to have some of each of that when I get more set up). But, for a couple of rough and tumbles, it should do well. Hmm, I need to remember to get sour cream. Oh, and toilet paper, a variation of the cat food I have (I think she is getting bored with what she has... fair enough), two gallons of milk, and... something else or three.

I had hoped for Church today, but I never did find my shoes, I have little in the way of clean clothes, and I was and am just plane tuckered out. I did little, and it was a cool day, but I needed and still need some rest. It will happen, and it will happen sooner than late. If people do not understand that I am currently stretched over my limits and pushing harder than I ever have even been able to stretch without certain medicine, God does know. Will that buy me a break? Only Christ can give that. I certainly do not deserve it, but I do not deserve any break at all, anyway. That is why I HAVE a Christ, a Savior, a Lord. Still, yes, I know... I know!

I will see what can be done tomorrow. A little work before I call my friend, clean up pretty much right after our meal, and perhaps some or all of the opened boxes fully unpacked and washed, dried, and put away. As well, laundry throughout the day to get me back into duds. I still do not have much of a wardrobe, as much of it is still packed. Pieces and parts have shown up from here and there, but little of that has been washed yet. A two week supply of clothes can be tight in a busy schedule and... I keep waiting to have a big enough load to wash while it turns out a big enough load is more than I have to wear! Doh!

And lastly, today, while thinking about it and with the time finally just right, I called my lady friend. We have been playing slow motion phone tag for... a month now. She called, I called, she called, and finally I caught her awake and able to talk. We caught up on each other's lives, discussed weather and a bit, but neither of us are real phone talkers while she is not really a talker at all in any case. One thing she did say that stands out is her emphatic resolution that she will not move again. Well, okay, and? As well, for being emphatic... it was not, really, strong, at all. She should know by now that I read between lines like a laser beamed lawyer and can toss a logic rock between the eyes of a scared running rabbit at 100 paces. Yeah, I got that. And no, unless she wants to stay here a while as she finds a place of her own to stay. BaAM... Sometimes I have it, usually not. (Blond at Any Moment)

Well, that is all. I think. Mostly. Probably. Okay, it is not, but it is what I have on tap. Go, now, and heal thyself... or find a small animal to pick on. Here... kitty kitty kitty. See ya.

A question.

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Okay, dishes are about to be cleaned, laundry started, and life is probably going to go back to when I first moved in. Cleaning up, unpacking, and taking care of standard business is now, again, at the top of the heap and I am raring to go. Further, I have a hike or three plotted out, so even "leisure" events will begin again, and on top of my now regular visits with my friend. But, there is something more I wish to get going, something that is one of the focuses upon which I based my move, the purchase of a home with land, and such. Getting set up for the long haul in a bad or worse or worst case scenario.

It has been a while since I looked into food costs, storage materials, the methods of all of that. I am now in a house and, it came to me today, that it is time to begin loading up, as little or as much at a time as I can do without damaging the other parts of my life. It would be great if I could simply spend every dime I have on food storage, alternative energy forms, a well, and whatnot, and then sleep until the next payday, but that will not do. Even if I could, it would be a slow long road to... to what? You can never be fully prepared for any incident. It is difficult, even if everything stayed simple, to keep a simple home fully updated and functional. Trying to prepare for the worst, even with vast fortunes, would end up being a lick and a stitch, hoping everything was tended.

So, buying smart, storing well, thinking, and learning beyond those is the key. So, to find the best places to begin buying food, storage buckets, and to begin discerning need from want and yet include some want for sanity's sake. I have that link in my wisdom corner. And I will go there. But if so and whositz has been keeping updated links for the best prices, delivery, and advice, that would now be good to share with me. I am finally in a place and time where these things mean something and are attainable. I can store bucketloads of buckets now. I can store this, that, and the other thing. I can set up a wheat grinder when I get one. Heck, I can probably turn certain areas over to whole processes. I know my back covered insulated (but still a) porch will become my meat processing area, for sure. It will probably be where I process anything in bulk, large jobs being easier, cleaner, neater, and more isolated as well there.

It is time for me to begin homesteading, I guess one might say. Growing and harvesting wheat? At least a little soon for that, if I do get to that it will be a summer or two further along. A well? No money for that quite yet either, let alone the water rights first. Goats too, and many other things, processes, and livestock are just too much atm. But food storage I can, should, and feel the URGENT need to begin. So, any help would be appreciated.

Oh, right, you might want evidence.

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I picked 5 mostly random articles. I did some deselecting of articles based on the authors, who have 'hopes for modest' growth. They were written by people who a.) did not see anything bad coming in the first place, b.) did not think what had started to happen was anything but a blip, c.) believed a few months, weeks, or even days ago that we were in economic recover, sorry, but they have nothing to add here. These articles, often, do not always describe any projections. They simply describe what is happening, perhaps some of the why. Others project a bit. But in truth, none of them want to go too far in projection. WE HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE. WE ARE OFF THE ECONOMIC MAP. THEY SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW WHERE, WHAT, WHO, WHEN, OR HOW AND HAVE NO MEANS OF DECIPHERING THAT.

The first piece is about Obama's most recent political home state. If it has nothing to do with him directly. It does explain his political notions if you have the eyes to see and the ears to hear though. This is a middling state, neither really rich or poor, neither purely blue collar nor white collar, neither really big or really small. It does, however, have one of the most powerful "Democratic" political machines in the nation, "bested" only by California and New York City, probably. Well, go read on the uptick of having such a fine machine working for the people, the little guys, and such.

Stocks, bonds, bears, bulls, and liars, oh my! No, Dorothy, we are not in Kansas any more and ruby slippers mean jack squat. Times are tough all over. It might be time for high fliers to take short walks out high windows again, though we will see. I guess suicide is for people so addicted to what they have that they cannot see the value of life? Well, that and for those too ill in other ways as well, as I should know. (Do not go there, you might lose everything and will gain nothing.) Anyway, this article gives you an idea of where our private sector is, shows where our financial concerns are headed, and offers no real projection. I think the author is afraid of heights and he is writing about a view only two stories up!

Ah, next is what an incompetent, leaderless (real leaders), corrupt, broken bureaucracy is about to bring a people who are on the financial brink. This is sure to revitalize the economy and put a smiling face on every man, woman, and child from sea to shining sea. You may thank your dear leaders with emails, postcards, and smileygrams! So many happy little socialists who are out of work because they "believe" are going to be so happy to receive the blood money from those who still work. It is just cheery.

Perhaps this is only one school system. Though I think not. The corruption, poor educational systems, unsound methods, and unions have brought this. Oh, I suppose I should not discount political correctness, ignoring sex differences, or any of the rest, but the list is so long if the architects, in truth, are rather few. Now, however, everyone in those systems is a part of it, and even if they wanted out there is nowhere to go. Even private and parochial schools have been infected by the malicious education of teachers and administrators. Just think, they will be CLOSING 40% OF THE SCHOOLS IN THEIR SYSTEM. I guess some people are beginning to wake up. If the story can be believed, they are trying to fix the mess, but... they have to overcome the students, teachers, administrators, status quo, and plummet in their financing. Good luck with that, no, really. Ha ha ha ha To be honest, it is not a bad plan, it simply is like Custer, a little late, slow, outgunned, outnumbered, and too far away from any kind of help or support.

Finally, if you think we are in rough shape, you ought to see our "betters", as Dem's like to call them. Oh my. The road ahead is not going to be a kind one for us, but "an economic black hole."? Wow, and this from guys who are still hoping for something that cannot be... anywhere. Just so you know, the pieces are out there. Believe what you will, but understand that belief means nothing if it is not based on facts and reality.

Nough said. I have... things... to do...

Blessings.

Ah, but I do not want to leave it there.

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In spite of my name, or because of it if you understand, I do not want to leave people in a dark place. The last post, for many, must seem like a death knell, should what I propose come to pass. It, simply put, is not. A bleak picture to be sure. A harsh reality painted across the canvas of the mind, heart, and soul. A life without much of what we know, including the "pigs" that keep even the thin line between good and bad at bay in a way many refuse to see. (My hats off to many "pigs", by the way, for being the soldiers who with horrible ROEs keep us safer then we imagine. Just like Marines, I do not allow others to 'go there'.)

Anyway, there is very solid hope for even those who think they have nothing and can get nothing to add to their value or survivability, let alone to a community. There are things you can do which will allow you a greater chance in the worst of situations. There are things you can do which will make you a needed and wanted "unit", almost regardless of your condition or self perception. Think boldly, but think light, maneuverable, factual, actual, and with realism.

The first thing you can do is to undertake studies, often offered by Red Cross and through local hospitals, of first aid and first responder type course work. Learn, practice, attend meetings and seminars, and become involved in your current community. Beyond teaching you some amazing and valuable skills, this will also potentially put you in contact with people you want to know should life become harsh. Knowledge travels like little else, depending only on the survival of the one who has it.

Another thing, as I said, and you can start this today, stock up on food. I am not discussing huge supplies of beans and rice and... well, to some degree. Several large bags of rice and beans, a few spices, herbs, and such for flavor, and some options as these will offer little variety over time. Wheat? Meh. I like the idea, but unless you have or have access to a grinder, not so good I think. And if you need to travel, a grinder would most likely not go (or stay with you, think... pianos on the Oregon trail). As well, if you must travel and have some foods, containers and openers are very good. As for water, whether you are staying put or hoofing it, you will need a means of cleaning what you can find. I have a very good device, though I need extra parts and filters even if it is rather long lasting. A few hundred dollars will see to that, and water is more vital than food and for security reasons, starting a fire to boil water is not always advisable.

The next thing you can do, assuming you are not a criminal already, is to buy a gun. No, you probably do not need a "black gun". Such a weapon, if you are not combat ready, will only bring trouble down on your head. A small .22 rifle, perhaps even one that breaks down for easier hiding, carrying, and storage. Possibly one that shoots all types of .22 cartridges, short, long, and long rifle, would be optimal. I will not be traveling, so I do have such a rifle. For hunting small to possibly medium sized game, it is perfect. It is, even being small and light, not a bad self defense item (if too, not close to the best). Buy the gun and practice with it. Optimally, hunt with it and learn just how much it really takes to hit a small moving object. The art of the hunt would do you a world of good (as would getting out of town and into the real, sort of unmapped, world which has no roads, signs, or other things telling you were to go). Plus, being out and walking around is good for you in any case.

The next consideration, if you have any skills or interest, is communications. Having a good, alternatively powered (hand crank, solar, or both) radio might not be a bad plan. As a simple device, no skills or education is necessary. The lower end of communication devices become trickier, not so much because of the complexity of use or testing, but to power them for any period of time, post batteries, one would have to get into minor solar kits. But it is a reasonable thing to do. Further along, ham or short wave radios, especially portable ones, cb's, and other such, require a bit more work and possibly education then testing. I have none of this currently. I am, however, reading about short wave radios currently. Classes and testing are required, and a nominal fee is required to take the test. There are tiers in this field, the lowest one is rather easy and inexpensive. I think even the higher tiers are quite reasonable. Equipment costs are not exorbitant, if too the devices are not exactly handed out in Cracker Jack boxes either. Still, even the skill to use these travels well.

Then there is getting into shape. Begin walking if you are a bit gimped up from age, weight issues, or other problems. There are, even in most cities, places to go. Walking paths to hiking trails abound and were created for your use. Whether in the city or the wilds, ask around a bit on forums, with other people you know, and such, to make sure you choose places that are reasonable for a beginner, interesting, and more safe. Equality ends where people think the law is not looking and in places where prison is seen as a way of life. Start walking, or better even than that, add swimming into your regimen.

For swimming, here is my recommendation: Do not walk in and expect you will do lap after lap, mile after mile, and just become healthy. It is a tough road back. Plan on spending an hour, or even a half hour, at the pool, and then KEEP THAT TIME, stay there, in the water, until the clock says you can go. Several days a week is fine, 3 by itself, 2 if walking as well. If you can only do one lap, or even half a lap, at a time, so be it. Spend your time recuperating in the pool, wading around as you get your breath, playing with the water with your hands, or simply gasping as you lean against the edge of the pool, until your time is up. Over time, whether weeks or months, you will eventually be able to do more full laps, more laps, and, eventually, you will be able to swim the whole time. With this process, in a month and a half, I went from 7 laps over an hour (with lots of gasping) to 1 mile solid swimming in my hour, and I was lifting straight weights 3 times a week as well, all starting out from nothing, essentially. As well, whether walking or combining walking and swimming, do not worry about your appearance. It may, honestly, never change. Look only at the improvements in your distance and speed. Also, do not be discouraged by lapses. Even when I was swimming several miles a day, three days a week (in my youth, mind you), there were days I just could not get into it and I simply did less than my high, sometimes far less. Being fit, especially if you must travel, is vital. Fit is best, fitter than not gives you room to strengthen on the way, unfit will see you in deep trouble. Though, even if you are staying put, even getting water may be quite a journey. Do not underestimate what survival in a broken down world will take.

The other thing is to make social connections both home and further afield. If you are traveling, you will need both. If you are staying put, you may have people trying to come in. Your neighbors are a lot less likely to become predators if they know you. It is no guarantee, but it lessens the likelihood of not just abandonment but of attacks. Further, they can be a source of news, mutual protection, mutual assistance, and simple companionship. We are, after all, social creatures.

You have some things here which should give you, no matter your situation, a better chance at surviving, perhaps eventually thriving in a tough situation. Beyond, even if my little story ends up being just that (keep hoping, I am), these things will serve you well. Whatever you might think to do, perhaps totally different things, just remember to ask whether what you are doing makes you valuable to yourself and to others. If it does not, find other hobbies, interests, and subjects to spend your limited time, resources, and energy upon.

Now I feel like I have fulfilled, to the degree I am able, the opening of that retched can of worms. I felt both opening and fulfilling was necessary. Even if I do not like the first, I am well satisfied in it leading me to the second post.

Blessings!

Along with the bad is the good.

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Economy looking bleak? Housing markets collapsing? Prospects for a recovery look slim, far off, and probably not complete? Yes. And more, the longer we maintain the quota mentality that put the "leader" of our current political will in office, the worse it will get. The longer we decide to keep people who are devoted to spending our national, state, and local way out of debt, the worse and longer this state of affairs will be. How bad can it get? Read about what people did during the great depression. There was no butter, so pieces of loaves of bread (made, not bought, do not even considering buying bread) were covered with lard and then sugar. Fat was needed dieteticly and sugar made it more edible. The good news? We will either choose oblivion, poverty beyond even that, and slavery or we will end our maleducated insistence on equality, egalitarianism, and other false notions.

But more, we will, as our technological wonder and administrative marvel of a public sector crumbles, understand why those things do not work. When machines become too expensive and consume too much energy, men will again be needed for heavy hard work. Women will fail here. As job slots become rare, and employers must become choosy, by hook or crook those who fail to work hard will not be hired. Quotas will end by needs. The foolish notion that public and private sectors should subsidize welfare roles by hiring fools, slackards, the incapable, and the unable or willing will end.

As well, $10 million dollar schools, $30 dollars (as compared to say $14) an hour pay for public works laborers will cease. The government has been stealing money from tax payers to allot to the businesses of cohorts, ideologies, friends, and their own families for too long. Paying billions of dollars to study the expression on the faces of people who pass gas will end. The grotesque stupidity of the world we live in will have to end or become secret as a hungry people look on, intently, at a fat cat world of which they will never have access or even the dream of attaining for quite some time.

Of course, the real fear is that through the manipulation of that hungry mass of people, socialism/communism will become strongly incentivized. Those who have anything may very well become the enemy, the pray. Hitler and the communists did not attack people for anything but there money, though that then extended to those with privilege, learning, religion, or anything else someone else might covet. There are risks of that, in any population. More so in a population that has been traumatized by a socialized education system, pushed to the immoral and amoral as a more solid option than religion and faith, and then robbed blind (by the very people who pushed this sort of education forward). I suppose this is why revolutions eat themselves, always and everywhere, eventually. Socio-economic wildfires, is another way to see revolutions. Wildfires too, eventually run out of fuel and die, if too not without massive devastation.

How to keep civilization alive until the gilded age stupidity passes is a massive trick. I am not sure how it will be done. Machine guns will not quell massive numbers of starving people, especially if they can get their own machine guns or (and) are too hungry to care if they live. Political speeches mean nothing to people who can barely stand, who cannot afford the tv or radio from which to hear it, and who might not even have a home to plug such devices into in order to hear or see it. I am more pleased, every day, that I chose a more secluded place to live. I am glad to be away from the potential urban zombie hordes, and some of the ones who already exist there.

There are many scenarios which could unfold in little time as the government and private industry, through both unsustainable give-aways of cash and other value packets and egalitarian hiring practices must fire and end that charity. The family, oddly, may very well become a big winner, eventually, when the dust settles. So too will the role of men and women become clear and unconvoluted, distorted, and oppressed. That is, if an even worse group of snake-oil salesmen do not take over the poisonous lemonade stand that is our current government. Perhaps people are too indebted to the lies, too weakened by their "education" to think clearly, and too afraid of responsibility to make good decisions, even after seeing their "hope and change" disastrously destroy, and accelerate the destruction of, their economy? Then again, this might be the right fire to open eyes and lead us back to sanity? Only time will tell. Though, if things get rough, there will be a lot fewer of us, our technologies will fail and the hordes at our borders will simply come as they please, and the wolf at the gates will eat his fill at our house.

I would, if you, prepare for decent food, water, and some other essential supplies. I doubt, at this time, that I will be able to store enough to reasonably see me through years of this myself. Though I have some hope that some food put up, some skills in gardening and animal husbandry, and a few other tricks might eventually see me to more of a stretch... but time... tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. A few months worth for you might see you through a major temporary breakdown of civilization, enough to begin figuring out what to do after that... if you can survive those who have no food who will hunt you, perhaps even cannibals, or the dogs which will be in packs doing the same. Be thinking of where to go if you really have nothing. But honestly, travel or even acceptance if you get where you think you would like to go are dubious propositions unless you have something to offer. Skills, food, the capacity to do hard manual labor as a minimum if the most doubtful of additions. Will the people who live there, the ones you know, be able to feed you if you get there? Do they have a standing in the community to allow you access?

Crazy? Sure. Historically accurate from past failures? Yes. This is not the first time, and unless this is the end, it will not be the last time a major society has failed, or even the first global incident. Look to what happened. Understand that if it were not for secluded monasteries, nothing written or understood from ages past would have made it forward, even while many of those were looted and destroyed for what material wealth they contained or even were rumored to contain (many were quite empty of gold, silver, or anything but rape and murder victims). Understand that this is part of the reason why the Church has built many of these, in every state in the U.S. and most every nation around the world, and maintains them as is possible in a secularizing, religion hating, world.

Well, that's that for today. Just thought I would cheer you up.

A bit more done.

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The dishes are soaking, some where done, and supper was good. Ham and beans, something I cooked almost as soon as I moved in and it has lasted me this long simply storing it in the refrigerator. I changed Sam's litter box out, the "gravel" can only be 'cleaned' just so often and it was time, maybe a little past time. I also looked over the hiker's guide and picked out two suitable hikes. The first one looked to me like a good trial hike, and it has an extra bit of a hike at the end should I still be interested and able. I was very pleased when the author noted exactly what I had thought, that it was indeed a good hike to see if one is ready for hiking easy to medium, maybe more, hikes. The tomato and pepper plants have been watered, twice, and the bucket refilled for watering again tomorrow. There is more to do, every day. More than I can get done. On top of that I really need to unpack, set up, and get going with a home.

I am pleased anyway. I am satisfied with this day. I do look forward to tomorrow, knowing I will probably get less done than I hope, waste more time than I like, and yet still dig through that which needs to be completed sooner or later. Doing more each day, no. Becoming more acclimated to doing more over time, I sure hope. Even if I do not. Even if few if any of my plans are completed. Just living in an area in which I do not dread to forget to lock a door, I do not worry what I will see the next time I look out my window, and I have never felt evil so close to my person and right through my walls that I instinctively put my hands on my .45 and pulled it to me... from a dead sleep I had to shake my way out of to somehow get my hand to my gun and could not even open my eyes for the most part.

If I die here tomorrow, I will die in a place I do not mind resting. But I will not. I suspect, give or take, that I have six months to a few years to kick around and try and live rather than ending up in the grave. Maybe I will not be able to kick it over and ramp it up, and I will die. Maybe this is the right place at the right time to allow me the first step in a long life. That last is my goal, but I have and have had lots of goals, many have never been completed, some never can be at this point. But that means nothing. Each goal in my inventory is as stated until proven otherwise, and will be tended as I may.

Have a great weekend folks. I hope to do something on the 4th for the 4th. If that fails, have a great holiday weekend, remember who you are, where you live, why you are free to live that way, what it cost, and be thankful. Carry no guilt though, those of you who believe in what we are. Those people fought and died, not for your guilt, but for you, me, their own then, and us all. So enjoy that special treasure that only blood and honest strife against tyranny can buy... your freedom.

Trees.

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My home is, relatively, cool. A large part of why it is cool is due to the construction of the house and additions. However, another large part of this are the trees. I do love trees, if I am not quite a tree-hugger. I enjoy the brown, green, red, purple, and other colors which make life more vivid. I enjoy having living neighbors I can, mostly, trust implicitly. I enjoy that trees eat sound, shield from the sun, breath my exhale and exhale my breath, and many other things about these powerful yet delicate beings.

As I am looking over the grounds, I realize the trees here have been here for some time. My guess is that they matured to fully grown some time ago, at least the main shade trees. They do have some time left to them, but not so much as I would like. So, I have been considering the options for new trees, where to plant them, when to plant them, what type of trees, along with other variables.

From what I have heard fall is, generally speaking, the time to plant trees. While that is some time off, time passes quickly. I have considered native trees, and there are a few that might work. Most will not, not for shade. Here, I am sure, naturalists and "conservationists" or more real people who must pay their own heating and cooling bills (or suffer heat for those of us without air conditioning) must part ways. Either we want native trees or we want to cut our expenses (save the environment... I do not think so... but, whatever to those). For me, the choice is clear.

Of course, that still does not settle the thing. Picking the right tree for this environment, which fit my tastes, which grow at a reasonable rate, and which will offer shade is no small thing. I know, there are garden centers and nurseries galore, one of them is right here in my little town if I am not sure whether they offer trees yet. And yet, even with these resources, I am dubious. As with hardware stores, computer stores, and the rest, quite often the worker will sell you whatever you want, whatever gets them the best commission, or ignorantly pick almost blindly. So, I tread lightly when dealing with sellers, and try to approach with some knowledge, a reasonable idea of prices, and the willingness to ask and then check what the person selling something is saying about it against other resources.

In the end though, it comes down to faith. One must, eventually, have faith in the seller, the tree type, the instructions, and one's ability to tend to the tree. Without it, no purchase will occur, no tree will grow (or die), and no shade, no privacy, no comfort, will be derived from the potential offered.

I must admit to enjoying the search. I have always wanted an oak in the back yard (if that is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the possibility does exist). There are many wonderful trees out there, trees that will grow well here, trees I could potentially enjoy for the rest of my life. Acidic soil, little summer moisture, high temperatures, and placement are all difficulties though, which... keep me from getting too far ahead of myself in this regard. Oh, and of course, the cost of the trees and the work needed to plant them properly... Even then, though, I am pleased to be searching for new friends, family really, from the plant world.

Some things done, certainly not much.

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Showered, shaved, teeth brushed, and away. I made it into town early enough to take the items back to Lowe's and pick up a manual on plumbing. A few coins more, a book I needed to replace a duplicate. Then to the appointment, nothing special there, though I was on time and a little early. After that, I picked up a little food and headed to my watch a show, the Matrix, with my friend. Then home.

It is hot, reaching into the early 90's F at least. The house is cooler, but not precisely what I would call cool, certainly not cold. With the sink going, I should be getting to dishes and then back to unpacking. Should is the operative word. A day or two of rest would also be very good. But not tomorrow. I want to go to church, and the afternoon on Saturday is more sure than the morning on Sunday. As well, I think I can go to confession right before I go to Church on Saturday. Tick tock it is time... past time really. But I need to polish my shoes, if I can find them.

The more I come out of that shell of I life I was living, the more I understand the maturing process. Maturing all over again is not going to be a one day, one week, or any period of life but will be an ongoing process for the rest of my life. However, growing up all over again, learning to track everything from bills to appointments to duties and responsibilities, at my age, is a bit of a steep climb. It is almost like coming out of a coma, which in a way, I am doing.

Beyond the mundane of flesh and the caring and tending of it, comes the more complex process of planning a future, learning to do the work a house requires, and re-evaluating my finances within those things and the mundane things. There is so much I have not done, so much I want to do, and some things I might well end up never doing again after trying them, that with it all whirling around, it is difficult to get a grasp of things. That too, however, is coming along in starts and stops.

Hot, yes, but a good day to be alive. My fresh start, my tomorrow after the long rain, winter, freeze, sleep, or whatever you wish to call it, is here. But I have to get my home situated, tucked in, and tended before I can get to it. And, of course, the sink ended up bottlenecking my plans... or did I just use that as an excuse to short circuit things... or did I do that to slow down to my level as I am not ready to go that fast? I do not know. I do know I keep chugging along.

Next week, with a few exceptions, I am going to try to get back to basics, slow down a bit, and work more on the home fundamentals. Setting up the kitchen and the bedroom, emptying and recycling the boxes, figuring out a storage plan for some of it. Home, after all, is where all things start. I must make this my home, then I can start on the rest. I think.

A difficult waking.

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With sleep being a bit off last night, this morning saw me clawing my way out of bed. I almost awoke in time to visit city hall, but not quite. I was technically up well early enough but the motor simply would not gear up to get me there, and I will not leave my home without taking a shower. Still, I should be fine for making my appointment and grabbing a couple of movies to watch at with my friend. I am also going to take the unopened parts and pieces back to Lowe's. As well, I realized when I returned home that I had somehow bought two books on wiring and none on plumbing, so one of the wiring books is being returned though to be replaced by a book on plumbing. How did that happen? I am usually pretty good at those types of things. I suppose on a hot day, with little sleep the night before, while juggling 15 oddly shaped parts, rifling through several versions of each type of guides, I simply lost track. Still, it is embarrassing. At least I have the receipts and these things should go back easily. I will not be able to fax the material, or all of it, as I did not get my printer up and running. I did not even start that job.

With the tickets purchased for my mother to visit, I decided to try and get wheelchair services set up for her. So, this morning, I got online and found the ticket information, located the most probable number to call, and called in. They wanted to know when she would be at the airport, where she would be parking, and... more information than I have. So we agreed to let her set this up. I then called to let her know the ticket(s) is purchased, the flights are non-stop (woot!), and to give her all the information she might need along with a phone number to arrange her wheelchair assistance (they actually come and pick her up!).

She has had one hip and both knees replaced (at least), two or three foot surgeries, two back surgeries, and she is not a spring chicken anymore. Still, for all that, she is still a power house. Even at our respective ages, at any time in life, I have learned when she does what she does it is best to simply get out of the way. A little guidance is sometimes very good, some planning, and maybe ensuring she has what she needs where she needs it, then HIDE! She definitely IS a force of nature. And, she is learning, if she wants real work from me, the best thing is to help me set up the work, make sure I have the tools and the job is reasonable, go over some planning, and then to get out of my way. Neither one of us is necessarily (to each other, though okay with some others it seems) good to be around when doing more difficult work. She can clean and cook like a madwoman. I can do what has to be done, if left alone (though a little pressure of expectation helps, something she is not as dependent upon... and she is a better worker at her jobs than I am at mine, no doubt).

So, a few things off my list and a greater certainty that my Mom will be visiting handled on my end. A little easing of a worry on her end. Plus the information at her fingertips so she does not have to go looking in order to finish that task, and perhaps get a quicker pass through airline security (I suggested she also make some calls so her boarding is easier). As well, in a timely fashion and with flight times that make it really easy for her and a non-stop flight. This job has been one of my few one-shot success stories in a while!

Oh, I had to tease her though. She asked about the date and time, and I initially said that it was up to her. I was sending her a broom! We both, thankfully, got a chuckle out of it. Oh, have no fear little ones, payback comes in bucketloads... and, in all truth, she is better at this game then I ever will be. Nag! :p

Cool enough.

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But it just did not work, I could not sleep. So, I finally did do some things I had hoped to do earlier. I think I could not sleep because they were on my mind, all day, in spite of which they did not get done.

I checked my credit cards, and set up payments. I am not sure what they were jabbering about, but... All of them have been being payed on time and ahead of schedule. One of them, the non-functional one, was so close to being paid off that I bunted and... done with the stinkers. The other I paid a little lightly, not realizing the other would be paid off. And, I scheduled payments on it equally lightly under the impression that I would be paying higher on the other one. I will fix that later. And, with this information comforting my weary mind, I went ahead and bought tickets for my mother to fly here and looked for tickets for my lady friend. It seems, no matter what, tickets between Thanksgiving and Christmas are simply rather high, twice as high as for my mother's tickets and she will be flying non-stop to boot. So it goes.

Now, perhaps, I can lay my head down and rest. At least I am plenty cool to rest. Maybe I ought to take a midnight swim anyway? No need to divert eyes, ladies, I would not think to do so dressed in anything less than at least trunks and perhaps a t-shirt. Probably...

Well, good night.

Just as hot today.

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Actually, it might be hotter. And yet, after switching tobacco, life is much sweeter (or cooler really) to my senses. The heat wave probably was a diabetes thing. Not that it is cool at 91 F, but it is tolerable today. Hmm, still, a window ac, or at least some fans, might help a bit more. Human physiology is such a strange duck sometimes...

Done, I think!

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A little more cutting, fitting, pushing, and shoving, but I think the faucet and drain in the kitchen is done. I had to cut and paste a bit, for sizing. I had bought several pieces just for that though, so I was not completely making up the patches as needed. Too long here, too short there, a bit too high, then... just right. I had one last problem to overcome. The old system had a plastic nut connected to the original metal drain pipe which would not budge. Not with both hands. Then again, none of the huge plumbing wrenches would grab the nut. I thought about cutting it off, or chiseling it off, but decided NO! I could just see ruining the threads on that little piece of drain pipe and having some huge repair bill while someone else figured that out. NO! So, I just used it as I was able to use it. Shoving the exit from the plumbing system I built in as far as I could and calling it good is what that ended up being. I checked, it works. No drips, no fuss, no muss... so far. I will keep a close eye on it while I begin using the kitchen to clean what I unpack, after I do the dishes that had piled up while I was messing with the thing.

I took care of a little business today as well. I needed some numbers to fax a few items for insurance business of various natures. I got those numbers, I then asked for and received the rest of the steps to do a few more of the processes required. With the fax numbers, a letter I will need to write and print, and a drive into town, I should be done with that, but probably tomorrow. This also means seeing if my computer, now that it has been fixed(?), will use the printer, by the hardware and software being set up... somehow. Oh, and I found out that the policies I canceled due to creating a new policy with my house insurance... is still active and pulling money out automatically. They did not end that set of policies on my car or apartment (the one I have not lived in for a year) in spite of me changing my address with them when I moved, changing policies recently, or asking them to cancel those even more recently. It is not like I do not trust them. Hmm, I definitely did not just say that.

I still need to call my Mom (after I get her tickets, sometime), contact my credit card companies (one of them I am just paying off as they canceled me a long time ago) as they are yammering about something. Then I need to... do more than I can possibly get done in a lifetime in the next day or two, or that is how it feels. You know, it is at times like these when the whole notion that an extra hole in the head actually has some merit. Ha! Too busy for that though. Is that part of the trick of life, to stay so busy you cannot realize you are hopelessly outgunned, outnumbered, and against it? Maybe... maybe... Well, the good news is I AM learning to ride that bike. *look Ma, no hands... wee...*

Bah, I am just fussing. Anyway... I do not think a trip to town sounds fun at all. I have a day off, it is too late to get much done there, I have things I can do here at home, and traffic at this time until 22:00 or so will be insane. So, I might dig into the credit card problems, now that I have found my secrets scratch pad. I might do a round or three in the yard, picking up sticks and watching Sam hunt wild and crazy grasses, shadows, and very possibly me. I could then look over what means I have regarding getting my mother tickets to visit. If I actually get any of that done, I will almost be surprised. Who says I need a dubious woman to remind me of what I have not done, what I said I would do, or to hassle me in any other way? Well, actually I probably do. But the stinkpots are in my head. Thus the story of Athena... Yeah, and it goes with my whole '...hole in the head.' thesis too. Please, just hit my head with a hammer to make her go away! Ah well, go figure.

I best get to procrastinating if I am going to get any of this done by next Friday. Later!

A shower does help.

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Too late to save the night completely, but a cool shower helps. I think, tonight if I am hot again at 20:00, I will take a whole shower, then if that does not work, take a body shower later. I hate going to bed with a wet head, so only took a 'body' shower last night, as I was trying to sleep immediately. It did see me, after a bit, to sleep. But a whole shower would have been far better. Well, there is that. I did not get to sleep until around 3:00 and was able to wake at 10:30~11:00.

I did not wake well enough to get to city hall, but with a new plan, I think tomorrow will... Hmm, no... The 4th of July thing may mean everything is closed until Monday or Tuesday? Still, I can try and do a dry run. I am just waking up now. My work list has not been started. Well, I have more daylight, so...

Have a good day.

It is me.

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Hot!

I can feel the cool, nearly cold, low 50's air around me. It does nothing to help me cool off. I am burning up. I might as well be sitting in my vehicle, parked in a big parking lot, at noon, somewhere where the temperature is in the 80's or 90's. It is not a fever though. I suppose that will not matter if I do not cool down. If any stress goes on long enough, it morphs into normal illness, or creates similar affects. Cause and affect, in some instances, can be interchanged. A cool to cold shower might help, though I have seen that have the reverse effect as well, causing me to become warmer... not always though. And it feels humid though I am pretty sure it is not.

I used to get this... thing, and sometimes fevers at other times, before I was diagnosed with diabetes. Long before any such diagnosis, actually. So I suppose I should not be so quick to chalk it up to diabetes now. Still, with what I realize now to be a steady 'diet' of sugary goop for several weeks, it is possible. Unless I can cool down though, I will get no sleep again tonight. Perhaps some organs or a large number of random cells are overworking for some unknown reason. Ah, my brain! I am at genius level! Bah! I will take that shower, try to sleep, if still to hot, hit the shower again.

I have no appointments tomorrow, but I would like to get to city hall, get the plumbing in, take care of a few other items, and then review the hiker's guide and make plans for my first hike as a relaxing afternoon event. Oh, and pick up some sticks in the yard. That could be good. A lawn mower would still rip my hand up, but I want to have one purchased and have the yard ready for mowing by the time my hand is ready. As well, I am going to try and speak with the gentleman who so kindly offered to help me finish moving to see if we can get that finished. He would need help, as I am still out of commission regarding moving even 25 pound weights, let alone those between that and the 100 pounders. My only other option is to pay a mover service $170 to $255, plus tax and whatever else, to do the task.

I might find myself, again, in town tomorrow as well (the other other town). I need to get some faxes to the insurance agency, to several different departments. I will see what I can get done. Less if I cannot sleep well or at all, of course.

On the good side sliced finger, auto accident, the move, troubles with plumbing, being behind on many tasks, the move, and whatever else have not dampened my spirits or caused me to simply fold up and quit. I have failed to wake due to sleep troubles, but I get back to what I can do as soon as possible. I have found work-arounds for those things I cannot do. I have continued to plot, plan, and execute jobs, and add to the list in some sort of reasonably thought out manner when more time demanding tasks are finished. And, I have not gotten down a bit, if a little hassled by the pace sometimes. Not bad, not bad at all. Maybe I am not, maybe I never will be, a well oiled machine. I do seem, though, to at least be a happy, slow, patient, tugboat type of machine... chug-a chug-a chug...

Good night, Anne.