Ugh!

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Whoa am I tired now.  Never mind.  I received a call telling me my mother was finally home, safe and sound.  I was excited to share that I had been trying to fix the light in the back room and not just sitting but she would have none of it.  She was tired, from the trip, from the work we did, and probably a little unhappy that I had "fixed" the light that she was happy enough with.  Yes, she would rather it be... up... in whatever condition, than up correctly.  Many are that way.  I simply was not satisfied and my minor tinkering proved why.  Any bump and the fixture, with bulbs in, might easily have simply fallen.  Never mind that either, I was just glad to hear she was home.

I have done my research.  I think for about forty dollars, give or take, I can get all I need to do the repair job on the ceiling drywall.  Thankfully it isn't too high.  Technically I can do the work without a step-stool.  But I won't.  That is quite a bit of work to just stand and repair two 4x4 areas.  The damage isn't that much, but to get either mesh or a board up there I will probably be taking out a bit more.  Slightly bigger holes are easier to repair, especially if they need to bear weight afterward.  I also looked at what might be wrong with the shower head(s).  I can see that I twisted the tape on the wrong way OR the pipe for my shower head is an irregular cut.  The screw cuts on the shower head pipe out from my water supply seem to be... too shallow? and maybe too squared?  Something.  I will have to do more digging on that.

Dinner arrived, lemon chicken with brussels sprouts and... a rice dish.  Good, very good.  I almost ate it all but the girls were begging.  Plus I had eaten a rather late lunch, so I could share.  Surprisingly, both girls tore into the little bit I gave each.  Then the eldest daughter (beautiful girl, hope she finds a good husband) and the son that does my lawn arrived with tamales.  I am... saving those.  A woman comes around on Mondays and offers those.  They asked if I wanted to have her knock at my door.  Sure!  I figure I could take a dozen a shot, and see where that gets me.  It is better than store bought, cheaper too.  In any case, should I get hungry later, I have a secret weapon for that.

I am absolutely shot though.  It is definitely bed time.  I won't be able to keep up the pace I have been going.  I am more than exhausted.  But I hope to keep a few projects going and... see if I can't at least lag over a couple of finish lines, rightly, in the next few weeks.  Then perhaps, I might find my way to picking the pace up just a bit.  I will never be doing ten projects a day, couldn't afford to anyway.  But I might find myself to doing several medium projects a week?  I will just have to see where the pocketbook, energy, and mind will take me though.  Hey, I've got to hold on to hope.  That, at times, is all that is left.  But after seeing what I was able to do, perhaps there is more than just hope.

Good night.

That light is just not going in.

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I've been tinkering on the thing, taking breaks to... clear my head.  I've tried several anchors, none of which have worked well.  Further, I was right about the power.  It isn't off, even with the switch off.  Luckily I haven't cooked my goose, if I did get quite a crackle.  Trying to work at that height, solo, with lousy drywall anchoring, has been difficult.  Further, some of the anchors have damaged the ceiling.  I can't move the light too much, enough really, because the power box has to be just so.  Hmm, I suppose I will have to figure out drywall repair (and bolstering).  Gah!  On the good side, doing it slowly and my way once the ice of doing the job at all was broken, I measured from the wall so that the light will be (much more) square with the room.  Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it.

I just called my mother.  I thought she should be in, and nearly home, by now.  Nope, she was delayed in Denver.  I am not sure what type of delay, what cause.  She had just landed, with only enough time to contact her ride, when I called.  Oh, and Frontier dumped her, without a wheelchair, and the next airline never got her one.  She really does need a wheel chair.  Did I mention she is still in a foot brace from her foot surgery?  She can work hard, she just can't walk well or far.  I have one airline I won't be using again.  In any case, she should be home before long.  And she knows I made it home.  I hope she takes a breather too.

I will begin researching drywall repair, enforcing, and seek information on why shower heads aren't working correctly with the plumbed water pipe.  I have a tap and die set, though I would guess I need a special head for showers as my set is more for mechanical, industrial, purposes.  At least I didn't just come home and go back to bed... if it turns out that as far as things go, I might have been ahead to do so!  Bah!  Tomorrow is another home day, then I will be having the freezer arrive the following day so I will be in until then, after which I will try to pick up my meat still stored at the home where I helped butcher the cow.  Thursday?  Hmm, I am hoping to get into town to pick up materials for patching the drywall, perhaps visit or take my friend for a shoot, and just get out of my home before I get trapped here again.  Research.  That is a good, actually productive, but easy enough task to be doing as I... catch my own breath.

Did I hear "dinner" echo in the back of my mind?  Nope.  That was from my stomach!  Oh, but wait, dinner will be coming in tonight!  Heh!  Some days you just can't lose... mostly.  Hmm?  Drywall?  Well, I've always been meaning get the materials and kit for that anyway.  I just didn't have a reason to do so.  It's not bad, it's just that the light will go in (more properly to boot, what with measuring and strengthened anchor points) at a later than anticipated date.  All good, if it isn't too expensive.  Later or good night.... Hard for me to know which at this juncture.

Thar she goes!

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Of course, with how things are these days, you no longer actually see your family or friends fly off.  The most I can really do is get her to the check in area, then drive off.  She was tearing up a storm.  She was a bit too tired to go too far into it, but... yeah.  Me?  Not so much.  Beyond being way too tired, my inclination wasn't there or hasn't hit.  I don't mind crying, when I feel the need.  But her stay was long and good.  My guess is I won't get all melancholy about it this time.  Time will tell, and I know I will miss the company and help.  But knowing my mother, and brother, are at least well...  And I got to spend some time with them...  No, I'm good.

My plan from last night was to sleep when I returned home from the trip to the airport.  That is not going to happen.  I am tired, but not in the need-for-sleep type of tired.  I will, most likely, simply slow things down a bit for a few days and go from there.  On the way home I remembered that the light fixture my brother helped me with still needs several more anchors.  I plan to do that today.  And the shower head he and I have seemingly not figured out, as it is leaking after his fix, is something I would like to nail down.  I suppose a bit of research online might get me to a more permanent fix.  Though... other than a bit of food prep, a bit of gaming, and messing with feeding and letting the girls in and out, that will be about it for today.  Hmm, unless I can get a call in to try and switch where I see a primary physician.  Ogden has some problems, but too, the communication between Ogden and SLC seems... bare, sparse, or non-existent.  And, if I need to see both on the same day, the complications become too large to manage. 

The girls will probably miss my mother too.  They will be looking for her for the next week or two.  Actually, if something gives me pause for a tear or two, it is having the girls be so forlorn and lost, looking for their grandma.  Though I think, like me, they need to get caught up on resting.  My mother quite wore them out too!  By week two they were dragging around as if they had been in a marathon.  Power tools or cleaning devices had broken up their sleep, a stranger (for Sassy) was always 'lurking' out there, in her home.  Too funny.  Ah well, she will be back in May.

Gah!  My body is ready, but I don't have a pointer to point and click at work or whatever.  I'll... figure it out.  Later.

So very tired.

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Tomorrow my mother goes home.  She will need to rest almost as much as I will.  It will be odd not having anyone here, as well as everyone leaving within a few days of each other.  My muscles are sore, like when you work out and they tear, only they aren't healing as they should.  At least I don't have problems getting rid of the acid from that.  A few days of rest, I am hoping, will see me to healing again.  I have pushed every muscle, plus my brain, as far as things can go, and then a little bit.  Yes, a few days of rest, perhaps a week.

My home really is taking on the semblance of a real home, not so much a man cave.  Some of that will stay, some of it will be reverted.  I do hope to keep on on cleaning, mostly.  And with dishes mostly being disposable, along with utensils, life should be a bit easier.  Now I know what to do when the cats make a mess.  I know a number of things.  Time will tell if that means I can do more.

I finally got over to my to see my friend, and before my mother left.  My friend seems to be doing pretty good.  I am hoping to stop again this week, later in the week, and get him out shooting.  With new tires, the oil change, and winterization on the X, I will find it much easier to get out.  He has two new pistols to try out! 

It is bed time.  I am pretty wore down.  An early rise, a sad send off, and the end of a really good three weeks.  I think my mother really did enjoy her stay.  She has found, among other things, that she doesn't need to walk on eggs, all she has to do to get along with me is speak her mind (and understand that I will disagree, and veto some things that concern me personally).  Well, and to take it slowly.  If I need a rest, let me have it.  If I wake a little later, just let it be.  I'll work with others, as I may, but if I am done, I am simply done.  But I will catch my breath in a bit, and hit it again.

If you don't see anything for a few days, even up to a week if I need it, don't worry.  I may not need any time, blog-wise, but then again I might simply crash.  I haven't pushed this hard, or far, for a very long time.  Even in school I didn't do this much, physically.  My body is screaming at me to slow it down.  I don't know if that means sleep, or if sitting a bit will be enough.  I am also not exactly sure what effect meds will have, though what I have seen before is that, up-front, they require a bit more sleep until they all mesh and my body becomes accustomed to the lower blood pressure.  Just... don't worry.

Good night.

Almost back to normal.

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It was quite good to see my brother.  In spite of us talking again, because of both of our health issues, and him having a family and other things going on, I was not sure we would ever see each other again.  I won't fly, so if I go, I will be driving.  It is quite a stretch for me and I would have to be doing well.  I honestly wasn't sure he would visit without his family, which is somewhat price prohibitive.

Oh, I have grumps about him.  I have since I was a kid.  He hasn't changed much, he is how and who he has always been.  He is a bit troubled, bodily, with his back and all.  But it doesn't change much about him.  It was very good to see him, and to have this little family reunion.  He and his are always welcome.  Though... it will always be difficult between us.  We are quite different people.  How do you ever mitigate that?  I suppose by limiting topics of discussion?  By ensuring there is some quiet time or by limiting contact a bit?  Still, I would like to figure out when and how to get out there.  I have not met my nieces.  I haven't seen his wife since their wedding 18 years ago.  And... I'd like, for myself, to see with my own eyes that they are doing well, too.

My mother and I had hoped to get to Church today, and do a few other things.  My mother is simply tuckered out.  First all the work she has done, but then the excitement of having my brother arrive.  Me?  Hmm, this last three weeks has been... a tornado of work and effort.  I have done well, but I was pretty much zombified three days in.  At this point I am just a husk.  At least I can get up for hours at a time.  And I can still do, if called to it.  But I am well and truly beyond my limits in a grand way.  I can't think well and I am very worn.  At least I didn't collapse... or get sick(er).  A week, mostly off, might see me to some better than usual health though.  So, today did not go off as planned.  I did have enough left to make a shrimp and steak dinner, with clarified butter, brussels sprouts, and then dry and put away the dishes.  But that was it, for both of us, today.

I wish I could tell you more, or put what has transpired into words that might convey their significance.  I simply don't have the umph, other than to just say it.  I only hope, actually, to do one more task tomorrow.  One that my mother might be able to help with, a small one.  Other than that, I am not sure that anything else will be done.  Zapped, tired, mind-soft, and such... but good.  I am quite good, in many ways, all ways.  I just need a little rest from it all.

I hope your holidays were even half what mine were.  I hope you got to a quarter of your workload like I got to mine, with some help.  Oh, sure, your work load might be greater, but put into context... I did about four months of work, or more, in a few weeks, plus entertained regular and long thought lost family.  Barring that, I hope you at least relaxed a bit this Thanksgiving?  Both are good in my book, especially for you workaholic types.  :p 

Good night.

I can't keep up.

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I barely find the time to post with my mother here.  But with my brother here as well, that bit of extra occasional time is simply non-existent.  I do visit a site or two, or read something, but before I know it, it is time to go to town, help with this, fix that, eat, or... any of a number of other things. 

My brother is returning tomorrow, my mother returns Monday, I will then crash for a week or two.  I have an appointment for cardiology heart transplant clinic (my usual clinic in SLC) and an appointment with my primary coming up, so I can't... crawl too far into my shell.  And I have a few things I would like to get on, sort of while I am at it.  And medicine might... or might not... help with things anyway.  In the short term it helps mind but not body, or at least from what I have seen so far with it.

While my brother was here, he helped me get the light up in the back room, finally.  We tinkered on several projects, actually.  It was good to work with him, if he takes shortcuts I don't prefer to take.  For example, for him, turning off the light switch (assuming it was indeed turned off since the old fixture no longer worked) was good enough for him.  I prefer to have the switch, then the fuse, off, closed, whatnot.  Still, it is done and works.  It was good to work with him.

He really wanted to see my firearms.  So I showed him.  He is a bit jealous.  Where they live they literally can't have guns.  It has to do with several things, which I understand.  The reasoning is something similar to living on a campus, though with an actual logic to it.  I've shown him my home and storage.  We have discussed alternative energy, of which he is... sadly terribly misinformed (he thought solar energy would pay for itself and more).  I even let him drive some of the time, since he is used to driving.  (Being a passenger drove me to distraction, so I could only share).  I had to bite my lip often with him.  He is... a typical city driver, in my estimation (not good, or... pro).  Plus, he doesn't use the tech on the vehicle well.  I've tried to explain when to use drive, overdrive, cruise, and such, but... nope.  Ugh...  Still, for his comfort, I split the driving.

We went to dinner tonight, his treat.  I don't like it but that IS the way it goes.  I am low on dough, but that wasn't really the issue.  It was just that I didn't want to argue.  I'm an ass enough that... sometimes I just have to swallow my pride on other things.  Hmm, the more things change, it seems.  He is who is he is and he will always be that way.  As is my mother.  As am I.  People get locked, when together, as who they always have been.  Not a bad thing, as things turn out, in my estimation, either.

Well, it will be a very early rise tomorrow.  Good night.

Nothing. No... thing. Period.

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Yeah, that was the plan.  My plan.  And, yes, I knew that the PoD (princess of darkness) had other plans.  I knew she planned on getting the food into the food bank, doing last minute shopping, and... who knew what else.  Oh, I knew.  And I was holding to my guns.  Uh-huh.  Oh well.

It looks like shopping and food and cleaning out the back seat a bit, right over my dead cold corpse.  I'm feeling a bit rested though, so it isn't a biggy.  I wouldn't be doing this on my own, for certain.  But since I have someone here, pushing, I suppose I can do it.

One of us called the food bank, open and taking... needing.  I heard a report that food bank demand is up 400% this year.  I don't know if contributions are keeping up, but 80-120 pounds of rice and two bean types should help just a little.  Still all good, just... I never got around to sealing them, but I am using up two of the bags of beans I had opened, and they are just fine.  I never use white rice, but they should be good too.  From a visit last night I learned of a good sewing machine repair shop.  I won't be messing with them for now, but I have them in mind.  As well, I figured out the butcher shop I will be working with.  The reason I couldn't find it before, for sure, is because it is pronounced so differently from how it is spelled.  A Nordic/Germanic sounding spelling versus pronunciation thing if I had to bet.  And we found out the guy at Home Depot out and out lied to us.  He told us delivery would be Wednesday, not NEXT Wednesday!  Oh well.

My bp is still pretty high.  At 171/110 it is slightly lower than the typical range by just 10 points on both numbers, it isn't as low as they had it.  No surprise really, though.  I did decide, after thinking about things, to raise my diuretic to a full tab.  As I remember, I always had to take more.  Of course, now I have to figure out how to choke down potassium.  My mother had a good idea, Crystal Lite.  I knew about the stuff, and have tasted it and it is okay enough, perhaps.  It is just something, because of the type of artificial sweetener, I had... It was just one-off enough for me that I hadn't contemplated it.  But to choke down potassium, it might just work, just for that.  It is nice having someone who thinks similarly but just enough differently to help plan and then implement something new.  Uhrm, for a while.

I know if she moves out, one of the first goals is to quit tobacco, for both of us.  Might as well get the "hell" over with, right up front.  If it works from that point, should work well.  If she moves I will tease my brother about 'getting mom'.  I will tell him not to worry though.  If she gets too close to reforming me, and I need a break, I will punt.  Heh.  Oh, we would have to... work on some things too.  Cut cleaning days to like, two days a week, or... order things a little slower.  Yes, I help, when I can.  Not this morning though, I am pretty shot.  I'll do muscle, I'll drive, but I don't think I'll go in the store for shopping with her, but I will load and unload the groceries..  I really... can't.  Yeah, I'll help with the X.  I'll do some other things.  If she can help me get to swimming, to the gym, I'll get her a pass too.  But things, yeah, a little slower.  Then again, I doubt if she quite runs at this pace at home.  She is just trying to get her weak baby boy into a clean happy home, plus with Thanksgiving and my brother arriving, she kicks things up a notch and a half.  Yikes.  Still, I've been holding up better than I thought.  Slower, though.  Odd, I can't even nap.  It doesn't surprise me that I sleep well and regularly, the work does that.  I'm just surprised I don't, and don't even feel the need to, nap more.  I've told her, if she moves, she gets two work days out of me a week, for heavy stuff.  Oh... she'll push it and I'll refuse, in a longer term thing.  I just can't keep it up.  Short term?  Yeah, but I can't sprint for long.  We know this.

Well, it's about time for me to shower, start in on the X'ter, and... stuff.  Fug, I'm not quite spinning right in my head even yet.  Hmm, I bet she would give me an hour of game-time.  I think we have the time.  After a shower, so I can air dry, if not in my skivvies as I prefer.  Ugh... going to have to figure out how to get my skivvy time in too, but not in front of my mom...  Shopping days for her, trips, something.  Or maybe I just have to become civilized.  Bleh...  Then again, if they CAN get my heart going a bit better I will be going back to college.  I want... to do things, learn things, play with teh neat toyz, and associate with those like that, me.  Even at this late date. 

Well, later.  Have a good one.  I'm not a self-starter anymore, or for now, but if I can do something, so can you.  Trust me. 

Butcher day.

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Getting up and out was pretty easy, in spite of yesterday.  I'll get to yesterday soon enough.  And, really, there were a few times where I carried a leg of beef or something, but mostly it was cutting and... figuring.  I won't say I did the best, but as time went on I became more comfortable with cutting the meat.  There is a lot of meat on a bovine though.  I knew there would be, and I have seen cattle, but on the butcher table it looks like a lot more.  I worked for about five hours without a need for a break, at which time we were done.  My mother took a clue and decided to go in and help the ladies package the meats shortly after we arrived.  It is the way things work.  She was quite glad she did though, she finally got some feminine companionship for a while.  I doubt if they talked about one mechanical thing, save maybe a bit about men.  Hard to tell though.  And I probably talked my host's ear off, but I don't get the chance to talk to people all that often.

When it was all said and done, I was offered what I wanted.  I had no idea what to take, so I let my mother choose.  She asked for, and got, more meat than I thought was right, and I mentioned that, but the deal was pretty much done.  They had a large grinder, and ground three and a half or four boxes of hamburger, plus they had a box of roasts and one for steaks.  She asked for a box of hamburger, six smaller packages of roast and steaks.  *sigh*  I was thinking more like four packages of steaks and roasts, plus maybe six hamburger.  I just hope they are okay with what we got.  Never mind, I won't do that again.  I have also said if he needs help like that again, I will do it just to help.  And, while speaking with him, I have put my name on a list for a hog, hopefully in February or March but I will take it when it is ready I suspect.

I was pretty done when we got home, but my mother wanted to do a few other things.  The Christmas lights, the extra we needed for the other evergreen on my front lawn, went up.  Then she wanted to work on a bit of trimming.  So, she started that.  She didn't seem to be doing well, and shouldn't touch power tools anyway, so I began the thing.  The sawsall didn't do so well.  I grabbed the pruners and that worked much better.  I got what she had wanted to do, so sat for a spell.  While I was resting, she grabbed the pruners and went to trim out the sproutings around one of my trees.  Nope, I was done.  If she wanted to do more, she was welcome to it.

Then we  ate one package of the steaks.  I wasn't at all sure what to expect.  Hmm, steaks are, well, steaks.  This was quite good.  All the talk of the roasts being a little tougher, so needing extra cooking, does not extend to steaks, at all.  Now I know!

Ah, yesterday.  We got up and made the trip without any problem.  I went to the blood lab and did that.  Then I went to the clinic and signed in.  It wasn't too long of a wait, then my name was called.  First they did my weight, and yeah, I have gained a bit with my mother here.  But she or I prepare three meals a day, mostly.  Or at least two good ones, with snack bars in between.  Then they took my blood pressure, it was 218/141.  They freaked, called it a medical emergency, got a wheel chair, and sent me to the emergency room.  Uhrm, it's been about that for... months?  That was a six hour ordeal.

While there, they mostly waited to see if it would come down.  It fell and rose irregularly, but not by much.  Finally they gave me a couple of things orally, though they had hooked me up for intravenous right away, just in case I suppose.  Then they gave me a medicine recommendation.  Oddly it included two medicines I no longer take (one for diabetic/nerve for 'hot feet', and one for diabetes that I quit two doctors ago).  They didn't include a water pill or my main high bp medicine.  So, I set up my medicines to include what they didn't and exclude what I don't take, albeit on much lower doses than I had been on at full steam.  Gah!

My brother called while we were there.  He panicked, and decided to fly out for a few days.  So, he will be coming in Thursday, leaving Saturday.  Crazy, but... okay.  While he was speaking to my mother, he had asked if he would be welcome.  Silly man, of course.  While he didn't talk to me for years, I did keep trying to talk, and even meet with, them.  Plus, he is the worry-wart sort.  A visit will help him see that there is very little truly wrong with me, save some odd numbers.  I am no closer to a stroke or heart attack than he is, perhaps less.  I'm just tired, a lot.  This will be the first time my brother, mother, and myself have been together since his wedding.  And it had been years before that since we had been together.  Plus it is Thanksgiving!  Hey, a bad ticker ought to be worth something, right?

But tomorrow?  Off.  I need the day down.  While in the kitchen my mother said she was going to do some cleaning tomorrow.  I said I was doing nothing... no... thing... tomorrow.  Then she said, we need to get the (older but good) 20# bags of beans and rice to the car tomorrow.  And I repeated I am doing no...thing... tomorrow.  She gave me a hurt unhappy look and I trucked none of it.  My guess is as soon as that hits the vehicle she will want it to be driven to the charity right there and then, because we need to clean out the vehicle enough for three people and baggage.  Nope, not tomorrow.  We really don't have another day, or time on the day we pick him up, so...  It will just have to sit there.  Perhaps, while he is here, he and I can drive it in.  He can't lift, with his back, but he and I could escape de'mommo for a bit and just talk, while she cooks.  Oh, we will help, he knows how to cook a bit too, now, and does so as well.  But three cooks in one kitchen... only if we all have little jobs.  Yep, maybe.

So, how has YOUR last few days been?  :p  Actually, it's all good.  I am tired, I need tomorrow off (plus the freezer should be arriving, ugh), but I am doing pretty well.  My home is set up, I have dry food laid up, I have a bit of beef laid up, I'm heading for pork laid up, I've been having a great time with my mom, plus I get to see my brother!  And, I am back on medicine.  Yeah, not bad.  Just tired.

Good night.

A few more days before I rest.

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We did get to town.  A freezer was picked and placed on delivery notice.  She was looking at a 7 cf, but I wanted the 14.7 cubic foot.  The price difference wasn't right, either.  I don't like paying 2/3rds or more for 1/2 the size.  Another string of Christmas lights was also purchased.  Then to Church, but it looked like that Church was closed for Thanksgiving, being a college Church and this being a week vacation.  So...  Well, we tried.

Tomorrow will see us in SLC, leaving quite early.  I should be in bed, but you all know that I sleep when I do.  Sometimes I can't, as was the case tonight.  I think I will get a few hours in, anyway.  A bit of shopping, and maybe an attempt to get the sewing machine in for tweaks and the bobbin winder looked at.  If we are suspecting, at this point, that the bobbin winder isn't the problem.  Most likely, from her side of thinking and mine, the problem is the bobbin isn't quite the right size.  We will see.

Tuesday I will be helping to do some butchering.  I am not sure what all that entails, curious to find out though.  At least, after being able to haul in two recliners mostly under my own steam, I have some strength left to me.  I also have some very sharp knives, a cleaver, and a steel to take with.  I will be buying butcher paper, as well, on our way through somewhere tomorrow, as well as butcher cord and extra plastic wrap.  Oh, and I will be stopping for artisan salami, cheese, and truffles for my host and his wife and family.  I meant to do that long ago, just... haven't been out much... at all.

Hmm, lots of things have happened, a bit of money has been spent, but... you should see my home!  Cozy and warm, clean and kempt, reminds me somehow of an anthropomorphized rabbit warren.  It is all coming together.  And I think I can keep it running well... for a while... on my own.  Never for too long, but so it goes.

I best get to bed.  Good night.

Slower and slower, still moving though.

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It ended up that I did get out yesterday.  My mother talked me into it, rather easily as it turned out.  We hit three stores, a few groceries I think on my own (preferred, I move), looking at potential wall paper (some of it isn't too bad, actually), and a few other things.  But all of it had to be short, easy, sweet.  Then we grabbed food from a drivethrough and headed for home.  I think she is as tired as I am.  She has been pushing herself pretty hard too.  We will be going to town again today, Church, looking for a freezer, and visiting my friend.  Visiting him stays on the list, but we keep running out of steam. 

A freezer?  Well, yes.  As it turns out, I am going to be getting some beef!  And I spoke with the man about pork.  It looks like I might be ending up with some meats a little sooner than anticipated.  I have little freezer space, as is.  And it has been on the list.  Some for freezing, but perhaps too some for canning.  I will be helping him butcher it as well.  All things on my list.  And, yes, I have enough to roll with a little overage for my monthly finances.  I will have to see when his next pork production is up for grabs, after the year end, and place an order too.  So, a freezer.  I have an account at Home Depot.  If I can find a freezer I like there, my hope is to put half of the freezer on account, half on cash.  As such, the thing will be paid, the way I do things, in three months or less.  Should even be interest free.  But where to put it?  I'm glad my mother is here AND will be gone soon (other wise she would pick the perfect spot, we would have it there for a while, then she would want it moved, then again, then again, probably ending up right back where it started... for a while... women!).

The clouds are out and it looks to storm.  It's a beautiful day, save if you would want to travel far.  I don't know if we will get more than angry looking storm clouds.  I'll take it anyway.  Still, on the trip tomorrow, I think I will take the low-country interstate way to SLC rather than the pass.  The pass can have it's own weather system, local rain, sleet, snow, while everywhere else seems sunny and happy.  Driving myself I go that way, just not with company...  Hmm, well, with my friend I go that way, but he is fearless, careless, or worry-free that way too...  I think.  I guess I am saying I don't take women where angels fear to tread?  Something like that.

Menudo is cooking as we speak.  I received a few pointers on this specifically and a general tip or two, from my mom, regarding cooking.  She is sewing curtains, has hemmed some with a few more to do, and has been suggesting things now and again as well, on those matters.  I just listen.  Sometimes some things won't make sense until I am doing.  But if I listen, sometimes that comes back to me when I am trying to square a circle and not doing so well.  She did ground me from the kitchen for a while, though.  *chatter, chatter, chatter*  *Go!*  "To my room", I ask?  "Nope" she says, "You can't be gone THAT long".  Bah!  So I am blogging.

My batteries are slowly dying, but I have today, tomorrow, and then Tuesday to be on top of things.  Then I will need two days down.  I am pleased with having done what I have done.  I am a bit sore, still, but I get this sore just sitting at times.  I couldn't keep this pace up for long.  I'll crash pretty good when she goes.  But I might be able to... do a little more once I rise.  Stamina has been stretched.  All good.

Welp, have a good day.  If you can't get to Church, at least say a little or big prayer.  It's God's gift of a day to us, a little appreciation for His thoughtfulness doesn't hurt.  Later. 

Another day into town.

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I did get my haircut, picked up a couple of recliners my mother purchased, second hand, and did a bit more grocery shopping. I couldn't stop and see my friend because I was already spent while still having promised to check the mail and needing to unload two big chairs and a solid wood bedstand. Plus, whatever else might be required.

I did need a bit of help with the first chair. I didn't ask for it, and would have figured it out myself shortly. Help arrived too quickly though. So, I half killed myself getting 'help'. On the good side, my help pretty much tuckered herself out. On the second chair, I had a plan. I was able to figure it out and get it in with a quarter of the effort. Left to my devices, other than nagging to get things done, I can do wonders. If I need help I will seek help. Hrumph! Still, she was just trying to help. She should leave muscle things to me. I'm powerful, lazy in that I look for efficiency of effort, and smart enough to wrap the impossible around my finger... with a little time to puzzle something out. All done though.

My mother worked quite a bit today too. She set up a rug purchased yesterday, then completely reorganized the living room to accommodate the new chairs. Well, and cooked. I helped a bit in the kitchen, to get dinner ready. Shredding cheese has become one of my specialties. And I have dishes left, though just some pots and pans. I also brought some of the vegetables up from the basement, both for dinner and to let her know what I have and keep some at her easy disposal. I went through the mail, she went through the adverts. Then supper. She went to bed right after. I'll set up coffee for her as well.

Oh, I think I am going to ask a woman on a date, shortly. I have a few questions for her, so I am going to ask them rather directly. Uhrm, if she decides to go on the date. I have decided not to dicker too much, or too much more. When discussing things with my mother, from the look on her face, I asked if she was more afraid of me having a wife than me. She suggested she wasn't, but... Well, mom's have lots to think about with a daughter-in-law, and as much with grandchildren as an absolute intent. Yeah, she looked spooked.

I asked my mother, tonight, whether my works out here have surprised her. She admitted they do. She suggested I was well on my way to self-sufficiency... as much as men can. The obvious limit is organization and house-keeping. She honestly seemed somewhat impressed. I think she forgets who I was when I had more on the ball. I haven't changed, I simply haven't had the proper place, time, money, and health until recently to put together my plans. Having used the tools she might have thought me foolish to buy, having taken care of the furnace (once I got over a minor learning/fear curve), and having most of the supplies she has needed and wanted for cooking and cleaning have all changed her... thinking about all this. My money hasn't been simply wasted. She has seen the dividends, and liked them.

The plan was for us to get the last of the goods she purchased second-hand, a table for the sewing machine, to be placed on the new rug. I think she had some other plans, including Church and a visit with my friend tomorrow. I hate to say it, but that ain't going to happen. I am done for a while, at least until Monday. But Monday is a trip to SLC, so that can't happen. I doubt if I can even hit my room a bit. I am simply done. A few days of total R&R is required. I could probably give a wife some private time, still. But I'd need breakfast in bed. That's the one thing that doesn't seem to fade or die. I couldn't be too close to death?

Well, that's that. Have a good night.

A slow fast hot cold day.

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Yeah, well, some days just have a bit of everything.  Going to town with my mother can test my metal.  Not that she is the problem, she really isn't.  Between biology and psychology, however, along with road rash and city life, things can get itchy.  The plan was a couple of stops for each of us, possibly a oil change, and maybe an haircut.  I called about the haircut, which can't be had until tomorrow.  I also called my friend, who says he can no longer get out of his apartment.  He then hung up.  I will call him again on my way in and maybe stop by and see him.

I waited to call about the oil change until I was sure of the place.  I knew where it was, and had been successful in dealing with them in the past, so wanted to give them another chance.  I drove by and, yep, it was the place I believed it to be.  Oddly, it showed up in none of the phone book yellow pages and only one of several phone books' white pages.  I couldn't even find it online until I knew the name.  I was able to get in, but an hour after I called.  I let my mother off at the second-hand store and headed to the grocery store myself.  Time flew by, what with traffic and my list.  I was hurrying to pick her up, and decided to call to make sure she was ready.  Nope, not even close, sort of.  She wanted me to 'okay' some things, a pair of chairs.

Well, I was in a hurry, feeling late for the oil change, and... almost got very short.  I stopped, just a second, and realized it was not her I was angry with.  Actually, I wasn't angry at all, mostly.  I didn't like making a spot decision on what I didn't really like, but...  Some days you just go with things.  I okayed the chairs, she got her stuff to the checkout counter with me... pushing just a bit.  I got the stuff to the vehicle and lit the engine, then... waited.  Well, fair enough.  We made it to the oil change just a few minutes late.  No, not angry... hurried?  Frustrated?  Drowning?  Something.  It wasn't her, it was the situation(s).  No, I was a good boy today.  No bite, no bark.  Perhaps a hiss or two, but all good.

The shop paid for itself.  While the dealership had pushed a ($249) transmission fluid change, this shop said it didn't need it and wouldn't probably need one for another 10K miles (and they do it for $159).  They did suggest a new air filter and an in-cabin air filter (which I knew needed changed, and I could agree to the air filter easily, after viewing it too).  They checked for winterization, which was fine.  So, I have a new shop, one I can trust a bit more.  Two check-marks in their favor, at the Midas in Logan.  The Big-O tires in Logan has three check-marks in the good.  I'm beginning to have some good things going on.  It takes time to find your stride, get business going to the right people, and such.

This weekend should be slower.  I have over-done, but not too much.  I just need a minor breather, if I can still help and do a bit on my own.  I've had to tinker with the filter on the furnace.  They had had it jerry-rigged, but it worked.  My mother was not pleased, while I suspected they had done as good with what they had, or I have, as possible.  Sure enough, the rigging was necessary.  So I have reinstalled it, now just checking occasionally to see if I got it right.  Little bits of this and that will continue, plus I hope to sneak a little work in on my room through the weekend so the final push won't be too heavy.

I am trying to remember to thank my mother, during and after the work, for her efforts.  It has been much easier this time.  I've only had to bite my tongue three times (corn in the hamburger and bean mash, which turned out just fine, today, and one other non-issue thing).  And I have been able to keep up on her demands.  Though she hasn't been tornado-clean-crazy, either, which helps.  Not bad, not at all.  I honestly think she is enjoying her time here.  It isn't all about work.  It is as much about decor, design, and such.  She simply loves to do that sort of thing, and does it well.  She has turned this somewhat shabby batch-pad into... more of a home, and on a nickle or less.  Plus I have a few utility items that have been on my list for a long time.

It is past bedtime.  Sleep well, have a good day, you know.

Rough day, for me.

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I was able to be muscle, but I really hit it today.  I was feeling sick, fevering a bit, exhausting quickly.  I'm still not on top of it.  It looks like the travel plans have been canceled.  Rain, then snow, are a little too possible along the long drive.  With needing to be back Sunday and just the notion of icy roads, I can go with that.  When my mother decided to cancel, I suggested we take a bit of a break for the weekend, hitting things after my appointment.  My room is all that remains, inside.  I don't think the outside will get hit.  I offered to do the work, just have her... advise.  We will see.  She agreed, but the way she agreed was the way she might agree to doing something she isn't planning on doing.  I know her quite well. 

The idea, for me, is to begin sorting over the weekend, slowly.  Then empty the bedroom out for vacuuming and carpet cleaning Tuesday.  I am hoping to sneak some minor works before she begins... supervising... or simply taking the job over.  Thing is, she is sneakier and faster, on things like this, than I am.  Still, if I can buffalo her just a bit, and limp with certitude, perhaps I can throw her just enough.  *grins*  I already got her once.  She suggested lights on my trees, for Christmas.  I... grumbled... as I usually do about such suggestions.  But while in the store on my own, I bought a string of lights and more proper extension cords.  Every once in a while I can pull off a coup.

No, I have hit the end of what I can do for... a while.  Life just hurts at this point.  I have to sit, mostly.  I can still grab cans of food from the basement, move something heavy, or shred potatoes, I just can't do more than a half a dozen things.  I looked in the mirror, it shows.

Dinner arrived.  The lady who brought it didn't know my mother was here and offered to bring another plate.  No, no, I insisted.  I am always well fed to start, with the meals that come in, enough for two if I do it right, or even three meals if my appetite is weak.  Plus, between my mother being here and my own cooking, I have been eating very well lately.  Oddly, I am staying right at 260.  I gained 4 1/2 pounds from 261.5 to 266 the other day, then today I am back down to 260.  Go figure.  Anyway, at least my mother gets to see how well I do eat.  She is... satisfied, pleased.

Tomorrow?  I would still like to get the X in for an oil change and checkup.  It is well needed, deserved.  I have backed off changing oil "when recommended".  In newer vehicles it really is a waste.  Perhaps I can do a bit more shopping, while I am at it.  I am pleased with what I purchased for my mother's visit.  I have all of basics.  And, with the basics, she cooks and does enough stuff that I am seeing the holes in my prep (unsweetened cocoa powder, for example).  Yeah, well.  Still, no matter how well I prep, there will probably be little things.  In a shtf scenario, we will just not have access to what we remember.  We will have to make do.  No chocolate stuffs, no coffee unless you store, food won't be the same or nearly as tasty or easy.  So be it, at this point there isn't a choice.  There will be no parachute.  Wait until all of America is like Long Island.  They can't even handle one area, think about tens of thousands of such areas?  It's coming.

Well, on to... life.  Good day, good night.  Yes, sleep will come early, I think, tonight.  Sleep well.

To bed late, up late.

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With the work I have been doing, I have been sleeping quite well with a window open and my door shut.  With the furnace set at 70 I am usually on the verge of overheating too.  Never to worry.  I was goofing last night and lost track of the time.  My mother peeked out at about 3:00 and asked if I planned to get up in the morning.  Oh, fine.  So I shut the machine down and crashed quite well.  Up a bit before noon though.  She wasn't up too much earlier though, sleeping through her phone and nearly hitting 10:00.  We worked, then went shopping though yesterday.

One of the things on my list, for a while, has been a steam cleaner.  Renting presents too many problems.  My problem had been that research was not coming to a good conclusion.  I didn't like any of the answers, or questions.  One of the things my mother wanted was to rent or buy such a device.  I hate the smell of most rentals, and feel like I'm bringing someone else's stench into my home.  Plus, renting means returning, and for me that could get very expensive very quickly, with one slip of the mind.  She backed Hoovers, so we went looking.  That is what I woke to this morning.  Gladly, the carpets and area rug weren't too bad.  What I feared I would find, moving the couch, simply didn't exist.  The bad spots were clearly visible from the beginning.  The machine is a breeze to use, and clean, even for me.  It will see use after the cats... do their thing.  Cat tested already.  Just as my mother finished the living room and was hitting an area rug, Sam decided to give us a test.  My mom almost cried.  I can tell she is getting tired, the trip coming up and then V.A. appointment day will give her a much needed break.  Sam is banished until the noisemaker is finished, for her own sake!

Two days ago, all we had really hit was the kitchen.  We started to spread out.  Today?  We have pretty much the whole of the downstairs, laundry, and... the inside, done.  My mother is just casting about with arranging things now.  I am not awake enough.  And we ate right off.  Both trying to eat too quickly and trying to work to early after waking are mistakes.  Together?  I am going through cold sweats.  I told my mom I HAD to back down and sit for an hour or two.  I can't do that.  Usually she is good, but today's late start got her going, I think.  I move much more and I will lose my cookies.  It doesn't matter how soft, easy, or slow.  I need time to get the gears to mesh in the morning.  Period.

Oh, well, there is my bedroom.  When we return from the trip, I am going to clean it, having my mom just check on my progress and point and click.  There are things to do outside, but I am going to try to get her to relax her last week here.  As... much as she can.  She is a tornado at 70, it is probably what keeps her whole and going.  I don't want to trip that up either.  Bah, she can find something to do, and will.  The world is her playground.

Have a good day.  I will.  It's been good work, until this morning.  It'll get back on track in an hour or two.

I am slowing her down.

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Actually, I think though, slowing her down is a quality.  She, like me, sees the whole world and tries to do it all at once.  Unlike me, she doesn't know she has hit her limit until she is seriously sore.  I know upfront, as it happens.  And, my home needs a lot of work.  We have done a lot of work.  I have been putting in what I can.  Windows?  I can do those.  She hands me the stuff and points.  She has to wait for a bit sometimes, but if she will, I get to it.  Need furniture moved?  Not a problem, at all.  Need clothes in or out?  I can do that.  I can even cook a meal once in a while, help with dishes, and lots of things.  I even, sometimes, slide my work sideways.  She wants this, I start on that, get it done, and see some other things along the way and do those.  I think she has mellowed, and slowed a bit, but it makes this process much easier, and more successful.

I am amazed I have been able to stick with it this well.  Like I said though, when I hit my limits, she sees it now.  And, too, now that it isn't "just mental" according to the doctors, she realizes that when I hit the wall I really have to stop.  She now sees the symptoms of exhaustion as just that.  Oh, I don't blame her for pushing before.  None of us knew the truth.  A good parent will try to push her fledgling a bit.  I did it myself.

My home is really looking good.  On top of that we have been eating well.  She wanted to try some of my freeze-dried chicken stuff.  I mostly bought that for 'others' because chicken just isn't my favorite.  She added some of the canned chicken as well (also not my favorite).  I hadn't tried it, yet, so it was all good.  Actually, it tasted better than what I thought it would.  She was quite happy with it too.  All good.

I know, after my home is set up again, I will be calling the power company to get a energy audit.  I would like to make some plans to seal the house up a bit more.  I bought a window dressing for the spare bedroom, but it wasn't the good stuff and doesn't work really well.  So, I will need to get out, next time I am out, and get a more serious plastic weathering.  She thinks we can get curtains in upstairs, as well.  We priced the materials for 'blackout' curtains, and it is less expensive, but will take time.  The sewing machine she gave me, and I hauled around, does work.  I bought oil, needles, and thread for it.  She thinks if I figure out putting up curtains, she can sew the curtains.  I am not sure if there is time this visit, so I might actually try to get to that myself.  We'll see.  Hey, I have always wanted nice shirts, sewing my own would be the only way to get custom shirts.  It's been on my mind.

Well, it's back to work.  The living room and my bedroom are all that really remain.  It's amazing how dust-free my home actually is.  Still, working in one room always ends up dragging stuff through the clean rooms, so it's been a chore to keep it all up, for the moment.  I sure hope to keep it up a bit better this time.  Maybe with getting back on medication I might be able to do it, or do it better.  I will just have to see about a lot of things.

Have a good day.

Busy even on a slower day.

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I had to go slower today.  I am too stiff and sore to do more.  Tomorrow will be the same.  Perhaps Tuesday I can get back to a bit more.  Even on a slow day I am doing more than usual(tm).  My mother?  She gets on a task and pretty much stays on it.  I will help when and how I can, even picking up on a few things she didn't direct me to do, if doing other things a little slower than she would like.  I can only have so much going on at one time, in real life.  Still, I think she has been happy enough with my help and the muscle I can throw at things.  I think she has gotten a bit tired herself, so slowed down today.  I am hoping she takes it easy on herself tomorrow as well.  She and I are similar, in that when we do start some things, we simply don't stop until it is done or we crash hard.

She is 70, has had a hip and both knees replaced, plus two major back surgeries (the last one quite successful), and many foot surgeries.  She just doesn't have a "slow" button.  She can stop, when things are set up to her standards, but not really until then.

I think, once set back up, I can coast well until she returns in the spring.  I am hoping just to work on a small garden with her when she returns.  She suggests, if I want to try to grow tomatoes from seed, that I will actually need to begin those in January-February.  Well, okay.  I think I can do that.  Maybe a dozen plants to begin, hoping half of those make it?  Perhaps a few other plants, say peppers?  In any case, the hope is that when she returns it will just be about plants and a garden.  Oh, we will see.

Food has been great.  She has enjoyed having food on tap, staples in store, and good pots, pans, baking pans, and the rest, of good quality and in plenty.  I doubt if even the best restaurants she has worked in have been this well set... at least compared to demands.  I don't know how she works to exhaustion, though, then takes a break to make a huge meal, clean up (I have been drying dishes (when I realize she is even washing and get out there before she just "does them")).  And I have cooked or otherwise prepared a few meals myself.  We both love good home-cooked food.

Just an update.  Be well.  Good night.

Home alone?

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Speaking with my mother, I mentioned something about the commercial for Home Alone.  The neighbor boy who had that look on his face some time back.  Watching the commercial further, she admitted something.  I'm not exactly sure how to take it.  She said I was like that kid, when I was little.  She said, given half the chance, I would have or did those types of things.  She suggested that she kept me fairly well... regulated... for that reason.  I don't remember it, but who does?  I was surprised though.

What do you think?  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  Is it just the way it is, neither good nor bad?  I'm thinking on it myself.

Yeah, well...

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I am pretty much done for a day or two.  Two days of working and a day of shopping, even at a slower pace, has me pretty much done in.  To add to it I nicked myself quite well today.  Even after taking normal care of it, the blood kept flowing.  It took an hour to slow that flow.  We had to add more material and wrap it heavily.  My left hand is barely usable as I type.  At least it looks like the blood has stopped.  I am taking a bit of a break from the little that went forward this morning.  I need to make some appointments this afternoon.

It has been fantastic having fresh cooked home-made food several times a day.  I help out there, too.  Chop onions?  I can do that.  Open cans, find corn starch, find a certain type of bowl, sure.  Tonight I will be making fried chicken.  I have been helpful but I can't keep up, at all.  I need frequent breaks, though I can get a lot done when she has a list of things I can do quickly.

It is snowing here.  It is off and on, some is sticking now.  I doubt if it will last though.  I sure enjoy it, if too I don't have to drive through it. 

Good day.

Work is going well.

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My mother has been able to get me going.  Of course I am missing some of the things I need/ed to do, but I will be picking those up.  She is sort of like a tornado, pulling in those near her, and she breaks my meager concentration with her will.  Still, she is doing things I want done so it works.  She isn't pulling on me too hard, mostly.  The thing though is that she never knows when to shut down.  She has given me time to recoup, but then she either starts up again or keeps going and then re-engages me.  The woman doesn't stop.

The kitchen is in perfect order (according to me).  Windows from the kitchen back have been de-cobwebbed and washed, inside and out.  Much of the laundry has been done.  She finished the bathroom.  Pillows have been aired out.  Two or three meals have been made and cleaned up after (including a huge, complex, chicken mole with corn, mashed potatoes, and cheese and onion quesadillas.  Boxes have been torn down.  The kitchen has been re-ordered.  I am sure that is only some of what has happened.  Oh, no fear, your fearless leader has had his hand in much.  While not a tornado myself, I make excellent large block debris which can help with the "destructive nature" of the phenomenon.  I am often the muscle, and do so easily.

The trip to my cousin's has been planned, weather dependent.  We expect rain/sleet/snow this weekend.  Hopefully that will be done and gone before our travel plans are ruined though.  I haven't seen this cousin in at least a decade.  And more, he was about an half a generation behind most of us cousins, so I never knew him well.  I won't say more than that he lives in what some are calling the redoubt.  Unfortunately, a bit far for regular contact.  I am not looking forward to the long drive, I am looking forward to seeing him and his wife again.

Today?  Probably shopping, setting up a couple of appointments, and whatever else my mom decides to get into.  I actually am doing okay.  I don't mind hard work, so long as I can take some breaks.  And she has the notion of what to do, so I only have to think about my little corner of it.  Now, while I am doing something, I often slide into extra, more, better.  I can think around corners, while I am doing something.  It is getting to thinking about them in the first place that is the problem.  Well, or getting to my thinking.  One side or the other is always enough off that nothing gets done.  Not so with someone around who has learned to negotiate my situation.

I best get a shower and get going.  She is napping.  I think she overdid, herself, a bit yesterday.  All good on my long and short count, we have three weeks after all.

Changes.

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As my health has been figured out, I am sort of waking into a very dark world.  As I arrange my life, finally, the rest of the world is falling apart.  So be it.  I, like always, will live where I am as I can.  However, I cannot ignore the signs and portents.  I must consider my place in this new paradigm, or at least more open version of it.  I haven't completely decided what changes will take place, but I know some of them immediately.  Public comments on politics, or even politically affiliated considerations, must end.  That includes, and particular, with my family.  Life is now considered dangerous.  Who knows who would pass on what, even seemingly to them innocently.  There are other problems with communicating such.

I have to think there have been people in the past who realized the situation and tried to extricate themselves in order to save themselves.  I also know what I am considering is not good in the long term.  It has failed, for larger groups right down to individuals almost every time it has been attempted.  I don't have a long term.  And while there is the good of the whole to consider, as I see it, the whole chose their fate.  They were headed this way before I was born, they are simply on a faster and faster track.  I take heart in some of Christ's last words... Forgive them, for they know not what they do.  For my part and for theirs, as possible as not.

I must figure out, as a man who has lived quite openly for most of my life, to shut off some things.  Some information can no longer be transmitted, in any form.  Opinions and thoughts must be regulated.  No, they won't change, they simply cannot be shared.  If I had children, they too would be excluded to some degree, less so if home-schooling though.  At least I am not in the droves who are about to be added to the unemployment line.  And I already receive socialized medicine, so I won't have to face that as a new level of bureaucracy in my life.  And I am learning to live more and more off the grid, shut down, and simply do what I do.  I fear the cost increases in fuel, electricity, and such.  Though I am not sure it would have mattered who won on that score.  I think it has been decided, by both parties, to charge more for power.

The main thing, for me now, is to figure out how to live in a third-world nation.  That would have been going on either way, though a little less so in some ways with a different outcome.  I will only warn you, that if you disagree, disagree privately and quietly.  You are now a target.  That is the last time I will speak on any such matters.  Good luck

A day of some works.

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My mother has been doing her thing, and I have been helping when and where I can.  I can't do much more than I usually do, but I can be directed, or redirected, from time to time.  There is a lot of work to do.  The kitchen is back in play, fully.  Of course, everything has been moved, but that sort of has to be done to do it right.  For "slowing down" she still moves like a freight train.  Though I do see that she is slowing down some, fair enough.  She still moves faster and better than any common, and most uncommon, domesticated man-types.  Then again, she was still suffering from jet-lag, so I am not sure she actually has slowed.

I saw the election sliding into the toilet last night.  Before Ohio, Iowa, and Nevada were called, it was bed time.  I realized, however, that Romney had lost.  How much was due to malfeasance?  Quite a bit is my guess.  Enough?  In any case, since I believe Romney was aiming to win (unlike McCain?), and with his... acumen, I doubt he would have ceded if any false voting was undoable.  At this point what corruption exists is baked into the cake, as they say.

I don't see this as a personal loss, I see it as the beginning of the national decline and the return to world norms, tribal socialism.  At this point it is every man for himself.  Food is set to soar next year, unemployment will continue and grow as small businesses shutter, to be replaced by international corpa, who don't hire locals.  Taxes will soar.  Zerocare is now not just for veterans.  America is... dead.  The dream of free men in a free nation has been surrendered.  I wish you all luck.  We are now numbers for bureaucrats in Washington, they claim now to own us, our wallets, the rest.  The demographic bomb has exploded. Well, on to the rest of life, I suppose.

Later.  Or maybe not.  I suspect my mother will be keeping me busy, and I tire quickly, leaving little time for writing.

Done. For what it was worth.

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My mother was having jet-lag today.  All good, for me!  I woke at about 7:00-7:30, even after going to bed after 1:00.  I pretty much just tinkered, though coffee was ready for her right off.  The snack bars have been a boon as she gets her feet under her.  Yeah, it's a messy job, but she is good for it when she catches her breath.  Actually, she started in a bit tonight.  I showed off my larder, before heading out to vote.  My big canner showed up as well.  She... did appreciate the quality.  It reminds her of the canner her mother used.

I showered and got out to vote.  The line was non-existent, but then I went in just a bit after 15:00.  Around here that is usually work-time and school.  Perfect.  I voted as I said I would.  I couldn't hold my nose with McCain, I have to  with Romney, as I see it.

My mom wanted fresh onions, so I decided to run to town.  I got a few other things while I was there, garlic, potatoes, a bit more soda.  I also got out from under her feet for a while.  She started in on the kitchen.  Yeah, it's a good time to go.  Plus, if I am too handy, she tries to have me jumping to do something every five.  This way she has a list of things for me to do.  Stop and go traffic kills me, but a small list is eminently doable.  Find space for these, glasses for the plastic utensils, put this up there, bring that up there down, all at once rather than this now, that in five minutes, etc.  Drives me nuts to try to help in 'her moment'.

She is rather put out with Sam and Sassy about them vomiting.  She tells me she wouldn't put up with it, and it would wear her out too.  But she would most likely put them down.  I simply won't.  Nor will I follow her suggestion of shutting them up in one room, letting them out when I want them out.  That... doesn't work.  She has never had a cat like these, she says.  Perhaps, or maybe she just doesn't remember?  Dunno.

Now to sit back at watch.  I'm using AoSHQ election site to track things.  He has done rather good in the past.  If you want to watch, if nothing else this site offers another option to check on things.

Have a good one.

Election day.

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The options are not optimal, and I mean that in every way.  Still, it is quite true that one of two will be the president when the election is completed.  Ron Paul will not win.  Johnson has no chance to be president.  Either Romney or Zero will be president.  Beside the 47%'ers, and the (at this point) 2% of election malfeasance, there is little room for a win, assuming most conservative type folks do what they usually do, stay home.  I don't like any of it.  I really don't wish to vote.  But it is what I can do in that forum.

While living your life your way is one way to vote with your wallet, feet, etc., what happens when the right to do so is taken from you?  Rights are, and have been, eroding for generations.  Though, to be honest, much of what passes for rights never were meant to be rights, too.  We were, I think, never quite expected to do, or be able to do, much of what we do.  Some libertarians, including myself, sometimes don't fully understand that.  I keep... bumping into things myself.  Libertine, libertarian, conservative, even liberal and left, have some very distorted views due to life in an age of technological wonders.  Those wonders are no more a right, let alone a good.  Texting?  Cell phones?  Transportation on demand?

I think, in forgotten times, men probably did have technology that came close to what we have now, I do.  I think either those times were lost due to the inability of men to keep the thing going, a series of natural disasters, or even a realization that such a life was not worth living.  We keep coming back to pinnacles, golden ages, then... surrendering them.  The extremes in either direction are... untenable.  In one we are forced to live like animals, and stealing and murder are just other methods of getting food and protect our food sources.  On the other end, everything we need and much of what we want can be delivered to our door in two days, less if we wish to pay just a bit more.  We have no real needs.  But too, we have to do exactly what we are told, when we are told.  We become cogs, numbers, just one of the many of the faceless masses.  We surrender our souls to have what we want, when we want it.

Is there a sane balance?  Can it be maintained?  When we do well we constantly improve.  When we get some, we find out how to get more, better, faster.  I don't know if there is a way to keep the drive while avoiding the excess.  The drive is so strong.  Our abilities outstrip our humility, humanity, sanity.  We try to climb on our humility to gain power, wealth, whatever else.  My health holds me in place, and is therefore a gift, save that it depends on... well... a world of cogs which can be milked.  Gah!

Never mind.  As I said, I have decided to lend my vote to Romney.  I don't think he is the best choice, if I think the Republican field for the office was thin anyway and the Libertarian choices were no better.  Perhaps my unhappiness is an extension of the more, better, faster notion the modern world has brought me?  Perhaps I simply can't be satisfied?  Dunno.  Lots of questions, no good answers.  Well, at least I could like Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, should they happen to become social circle staples.  There is that.  And, that might not be all bad.

Not bad, not bad at all.

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Oh, well, my home was still a bit rough when I left to pick my mother up from the airport.  But I did get in a last spurt of cleaning-fu before heading out.  Fresh bedding on her bed, towels washed and put in the dryer, all but the very last few dishes done, and even a bit of work on the Xterra.  In any case, I ran out of time so just hopped in and headed out. 

As I was approaching SLC, a good half hour to hour from the airport, my mother called to say she was just about to leave Denver.  Hmm?  I suggested she hurry up, I was almost there!  A bit of a chuckle on her end, but what can she do?  Either the trip had been changed, or... what?  I get to town and take the wrong turn-off.  That one catches me from time to time, I use it so rarely.  No matter, I wanted to fill the tank and look for a car wash.  After driving as far on that road, and not seeing a car wash or a station with one, I simply filled up and headed back out to the airport.  Time was getting a little tight, if she really was to be there on time.

The first load of passengers were disembarking as I took my seat.  Since she is given a wheelchair ride, I figured she would be the last.  And usually she calls me to let me know she has landed.  Cellphone dead?  I watch as the last of the footed passengers come and go.  Then I watch as the carted come and then go.  No Mom.  Well, as I like to do, when all else fails... wait longer.  And so I did.  Two hours beyond the time she should have arrived I finally get the call, but she isn't where she said she would be.  She has been wheeled outside.  A bit of searching and, there she is.  All good.  While discussing things I realized that while most idiots changed their clocks last Sunday, I proved once again, I am no idiot.  :p  One hour could have been the time change, but why where the rest of my clocks even an hour further off?  No, no, I changed them last time.  Perhaps the clock faeries where dyslexic?  Dunno.  All clocks save my watch (too tired to tinker with that for tonight) and my auto have been corrected.

She was... mostly satisfied.  She didn't expect much and was pleasantly unsurprised, or rough, about it.  She went to bed rather quickly.  I just couldn't as is often the case.  I've set the coffee for her, and will be heading to bed shortly.  She will be trying to get me up, along with my alarm, in time to wake, shower, dress, and vote tomorrow.  Yeah, I am voting.  I would have voted anyway, just I wasn't so sure about voting for the lead office.  I have, finally, decided that, yeah, there are only two real choices.  One might continue the wrecking of America, but one most certainly will destroy America.  Quick or slow.  I don't hold out much hope for more.  They both have advantages, though slow offers some hope of redemption (not economic, of course, that is nearly impossible at this point).  The other offers zero(tm) hope, and worse.  It's that simple.

Tired, so very tired, but I have things to do in the next few days, and my mom will want me to help with her things.  I don't have a lot left.  I tried to pace it but that isn't something I have full control over.  Oh, I'll limp through.  If I have to, I'll take long naps.  At least she is looking good, healthy.  Don't you worry, this place will be shipshape in no time.  Three days she says, just on the house.  Three days, I think?  Hmm, that would be like... two months for me.  Never mind.

Good night.

Slow but sure?

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I didn't wake until 9:00 this morning.  I woke twice in the night, which is rather unusual.  But as I was getting the girls fed I noticed the back door was wide open!  Someone had been in here.  I KNOW I didn't leave the back door open, it is winterish out there!  That, I realize, is why I woke up.  It is why whoever was here didn't close the door too, they were in a rush to get out as quietly and quickly as possible.  It sucks to be the only one here.  A woman would have heard that and woken me.  I just woke, didn't know what I woke for.

Hmm, things to do today.  Too many things, really.  I will begin sorting through the chores shortly.  I am still moving a bit extra slow though.  I managed to stub my toe this morning, letting Sam back in after letting her out (an open door) after feeding her.  The good thing is the toe hurt and bled.  I didn't hurt the bone, I scraped the skin on top.  While it is bad, it is good too.  It means my toes are still quite sensitive and bleed easily and well.  Both diabetes and heart trouble can leave the feet without sensitivity or blood flow, all of which is bad news.  Get a lemon?  Make lemonade. 

Just... waking.  Not much else to say.  Good day.

A low and slow day.

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Making it to bed early and then rising early seemed good.  I crashed, though, after being up for about four hours.  I have been pushing things a bit.  Fine, fine, so long as I can get a few more things done.  My mother will just have to understand that I am not even as spry as I used to be.  Hmm, probably better to have me out of the way most of the time, anyway.

I did begin trying to track those guys down.  I found dozens of leads, none of them panning out.  I did find a picture of one of the guys I am looking for, from archives.  I don't have a date on the picture, though, for reference.  I found out about his divorces, and looked tentatively for either of his former wives.  No luck on any of the scores.  I do know a bit more about him.  The others... not a thing.  Not a clue.  Nothing, as if they simply vanished, or maybe never where!  I will do some more digging tomorrow.  I am not even sure what other tools are publicly available.  I have several now, but it hasn't proved out.  I would also like to call our district deputy and discuss a few things with him.  Tomorrow afternoon, I am thinking.  I had hoped to do that today but it got to be too late as my searches failed and I kept... chugging away.  He might even know of a few tools of which I am unaware.

A very slow day.  I did manage to fry another pan of chicken drumsticks though.  Quite good.  I needed, and still feel the need, for some solid good food.  When I run a bit too hot, a bit too long, my desire for food grows terribly.  I do, however, believe my desire far outstrips my need, if my need is real.  So, I try to watch it.  If I had too much easy food, or a full time cook, I could easily over-indulge and end up right back at 350.  I love me some food, more so when I try to push through my fragile health. 

Tomorrow?  A bit more searching.  The last of the dishes.  Trash and recycling out.  My mom's bedroom sorted, laundering the linens and all.  And the bathroom needs some final touches.  Well... uhrm... those are ON the list.

Now for the last of the chicken, a bit of goofing, and then to bed early again.  Good night.

Sleep will be easy tonight.

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In spite of getting fired up and, eventually, going today I will be able to sleep easily tonight.  I am barely hanging on at 21:00.  Actually, I just had a few last things to do and had to push it to get them done.  I could have been in bed an hour or two ago.  It must be that trying to run two 'hot' days together is simply more than my body will take.  I needed time to cool down yesterday, not so tonight, at all.

I called my mother.  She checked the itinerary.  While it did change, as the email suggested, it was a change of one minute... somewhere.  That was it.  I think she can live with that.  I also looked over the Kindle 4G again.  It is in the basket.  After my mother's visit and that, with the tires on and the pressure cooker on the way, I will be holding off spending for some time, to build reserves back up.  I am keeping level on my 'nest egg', but just.  This visit may... set that back a bit.  But just a bit.  I have planned for most of it, and much of the expense has already been paid, save the trip.  But there is money set aside for that on top.  It is just that... sometimes expenses arise.

While my life isn't picture perfect, I am keeping things going.  I have a bit of savings, just in case I do happen to die... for expenses.  But also for an ongoing life.  I have food stores, and more going in if at a slower pace.  I have my bills expensed and well tended.  My vehicle needs to be tended a bit better, but...  I suppose I could try a little harder to get the medicines that do work, but I am limited in how much effort I can truly put together for that.  Really, it's a small life, but a good one.  I am almost becoming a simple Hobbit type!  It is something I have always sort of sought.  Too many things stood in the way.  I suppose my aspirations vexed by my health has been the tripping point.  Now that I'm not stumbling in the blind about what is wrong I can... retire a bit... more surely... with some understanding.

I have become a humble simple man of limited by reasonable means.  I am learning to fit the shell that seems to have been given to me.  It is not a bad life.  It is just that my potential is exponentially beyond this.  I should be crafting the world, not my Hobbit-home and life.  I should be sculpting ideas into practical realities.  If nothing else, I should at least be warring to keep kin and kith safe and sound.  Instead I am shaping this very little piece of life and home.  It is growing on me though.  And I am... pushing in a few areas.  Ah well, there are much worse things.  Perhaps this is how Father really wanted things.  And, as I said, some parts of me have always wanted this too.  If like most groups, places, and things I have done, I do not quite fit the shell, mold, group.  Gah!  How can you be too angry about stumbling upon a pile of domestic gold?  Or humble but reasonably so living?  Or good neighbors?  Or a place in religious life, mostly?  A wife would complete my happy misery.  *grins*

Good night.

Wasn't sure the wings would unfurl today.

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The plan was to be off to town in the morning, for a tire change.  That went over like a molten mildew.  I was up by 8:00 or so, I think.  Fussed with the alarm a time or two, I think.  So, technically, I was awake in time.  Getting going was a whole other animal.  Just getting to the shower was messy and slow.  But a fine shower was had.  I washed, then just soaked for about an half hour, then air dried for an good hour.  Nice!  Clean, super duper clean, too.  Not until 13:00-13:30 did I find my way out the door.  I had hoped to clean the vehicle out a bit first, but that just wasn't going to happen.  Beside having stretched things greatly, time-wise, already, I simply didn't have the steam to do that.  Thankfully, for a bit over $900, I have new tires all around.  My mind is at ease.

Now, I didn't get to a oil change shop, or the coffee house.  I realized that early and just decided to let that be a Monday thing anyway.  I did, however, remember to pick up meat I had asked to be wrapped and forgot at the store yesterday.  Hmm, 15 pounds of hamburger in 1.5 pound packages, plus four New York Strip steaks, two to a package.  I also grabbed a pound and an half of raw medium shrimp plus four fish steaks, while I was at it this time around.  Pricey, but...  That should see me, the way I eat, even with my mother here, through several months though.  I can't believe I forgot that yesterday.  Glad they still had it, set back for me.

I can take some rest time, working on finding those individuals for the KoC and resting up for Monday.  Oh, wait, maybe not quite.  My mother arrives Monday.  Hmm.  I will have to try to get an oil change in tomorrow(tm).  :p

I have most things set, the dishes are almost done, food is on hand, new tires are in play, and I am... staying up on things a bit.  Nothing is perfect.  It is better than past visits though.  And it sure beats the slog this summer and most of the fall turned out to be.  Food is going in the medium and short term larder.  The pressure canner will be here just in time for my mother to eye it over.  (She'll be a bit put out, even if I can prove it's technical superiority and longevity compared to her device(s), she wanted me to save on that since she is thinking of moving out.)  Hey, mom doesn't always get her way, you know!

I received a thank you letter too.  It amazes me what others can do with what I think of as... a little extra.  It is humbling.  The grand schemes of the lion are nothing compared to the humble perpetual doings of the field mice.  What is a roar compared to the humble meek squeak?  I dunno, too melancholy, too... something.   I won't go there any further.  It was just nice to be able to help one human, and know it.

Well, on to goofing, until I can calm a bit and... think...  Good day.

Huh? Hmm, interesting.

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Okay, so I didn't wake at 6:00 or even 7:00.  I can't now tell you, somewhere between 7:30 and 8:00-something.  Waking wasn't bad, when it finally happened.  I have eaten a couple 'snack bars', had some caffeine, and am goofing.  I am not seriously tired, or out of it, I am simply not moving fast.  I need to get another shower, look over the tires in question online, and such.  Well, and while I put everything away that needed to be frozen or refrigerated, I still have a bit that needs to go to the larder or be sorted up here.  Hey, I was pleased with what I did get done yesterday.  And that today promises a few more things.

I may call the tire shop, though, and see if the afternoon would be fine.  We didn't have a particular time, so that might work.  And afternoon was a choice, one I thought I could pass on.  I need to review my shopping list as well.  A pot of coffee could go on, too.

Oh, I finally checked my mail.  There must be a month and some of mail!  Two bills from my what-had-been nearly paid credit card, so definitely more than one month.  The tires are too pricey, either way, to pay with cash alone.  I might even just put them wholly on my card, since I had more than paid it off (I think I would have had $60 overpaid on the card (my only credit card, by the way).  Dunno, thinking on that.

Well, on to... my morning round-up, prep, and doings.  Have a good day.

The dragon finds his wings.

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I did not lift off as early as had been hoped, not leaving until shortly before 13:00 for an appointment at 14:00.  I was able to get to town in time to have a bagel and coffee.  I called to offer to bring the same to the man with whom I would be working but he had just dined.  So I scoffed my goodies and headed to his home for...  Actually I had no idea what to expect.  As it turned out, we went over the roster, focusing on those members with whom little or no contact has been had in some time, years for most of them.  Some, through various sources, my fellow knight was able to track.  Others remained quite elusive.  As well, we went over the list of active and senior members.  Some of the senior members, it is his hope, will be made life-time members.

Beside getting members involved, and trying to keep them involved, there is also a business reason for retention, of course.  While they are on our roles, whether they pay dues or not, our group must pay state and "federal" fees for those on our roles.  Now, there is a method by which to remove those who no longer wish to participate and those who cannot be contacted, but a specific course of actions must take place.  A record of those actions, and any correspondence, must be used to the end of clearing a member from our ranks.  State, of course, does not wish to lose membership (or the dues).  We, of course, do not wish to lose members but do not wish to pay for non-members.  There is a bit more going on than I had fully known, if I suspected from things said over time.

In any case, after several hours of working on a number of members, tracking and actually bringing one back for sure, I was given homework.  A number of members are completely lost, as to contact information.  None of my fellow's contacts could offer any information on some of these.  One fall-away member has an address in the state rolls, so we will try to contact him.  I will draft a letter, and with the knight I am working with and our senior knight, we will decide on that letter.  Not so much because one letter is important, though it has some importance too, more that we want to create a form letter for such cases in the future.  And there are rules, and decorum, as well as simply ensuring the information, all of it, needed to be relayed, is included.  So, I have a little work to do, and it was suggested that it would "be good" to have my work done and have another meeting Monday or Tuesday.  Striking while the iron is hot, and I think I can do that.

After the meeting I decided to do some shopping.  I purchased most of what my mother wanted, and most of what I wanted.  I remembered my list, well... where it was.  Right there, at home, where I had drafted it.  So I had to work blind.  I still haven't compared the list to what I bought.  I know I only added a number of cheeses to the list, the rest was on the list.  What I don't know is how much, if anything, of the list I missed.

Before I went to town, I called around for new tires.  With a long trip planned while my mother is here, I just... have to do that.  Tomorrow morning, it seems, I will be driving back into town.  The choice boils down to Big-O tires or the original tires that came with the vehicle.  I will do a bit of checking tonight, comparing the two.  Big-O tires come with a three year warranty, but I am more worried about 35-40k than three years to be honest.  Oh, I'll look.  I'll compare.  After that, I will look for a place to get an oil change and tune-up.  I have a place in mind.  If they can't fit me right in I will see when they can or find another place.  I am also hoping to check on a haircut and finishing any shopping I may have missed.  Coffee!  But what else?  And, by the way, I did order a 30 quart All-American pressure canner.  I delayed the canning tools and such, I just don't have it right now.  But at 2/3rds off, I didn't want to miss that price.  The rest will come over time.

I am tired.  I should hit it, but as usual, when I do a bit more during the day, sleeping can be a bit of a problem.  I will set the alarm and hope it all just happens from that point.  Oh, I did finish the dishes that were rinse-soaking, which is part of why I was late getting out.  I then set, nearly, the last load to be washed to soak.  I also cleaned up my mutton chops with the trimmer, then shaved the cut-outs clean...  It takes time to look as good as I do.  Grrrrrhahaha!

Well, just so you know, I haven't kicked the bucket.  And I can still motate a bit.  Good night.

Another resting day.

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Another day of rest.  I almost literally did nothing yesterday and am happy for it.  I was sore, wrung out, done.  I do hope to do two or three very small things today.  No real plans, no intent, just... as the day goes by I want to do a bit more.  The girls woke me two or three times last night.  I don't know why, either.  It is unusual for them.  Then, first thing this morning, Sassy vomits.  I had had enough.  The girls got a two hour time-out, banished to the outside.  No food, no water, just OUT!  Poppo was just a bit put out with them this morning, and I am pretty sure Sassy vomited in protest to not being fed, in spite of knowing that scratching at the door all night puts him in a 'mood'.

I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.  I may try to be in early, to get some of the dry-goods shopping done.  Then, after the meeting, go do some of the shopping for stuff that has to be brought home more swiftly.  I doubt if I will get to all of the shopping in one day.  Simply put there are two many stores and too many supplies for a one-man run.  Well, at least for this man.  Remember, I have to pace things.

Another thing of note, dealing with medicine and my legs.  My legs have been a dark color for a long time.  Vascular problems from the heart has caused blood to soak into the legs.  Doctors have told me nothing would help this, that wearing constricting socks(tm) was the only way to stop it from getting worse.  I, foolishly, believed them.  I have been putting my legs up, a few hours a day off and on, for the last six months, just because though.  The other day, while drying off, I noticed something about my feet and legs.  It was... disturbing.  But I couldn't put my finger on it right away.  Then, a few days later, it hit me.  They are... becoming skin colored!  I had to take my socks off, right then, and see if that indeed was what I had seen.  True enough.  Now, my legs will never be normal again, but... they are almost human now, not that deep red/rust.  Stupid doctors either know nothing or are just louts.  Neither informative, correct, or even helpful.  Why or to what end they are and do what they are and do I will never know.  Don't trust doctors.  Ever.  Fuckers.

Well, on to my day. 

Rest, cats, news, and politics.

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Oh, sure, I can rest today.  And tomorrow.  And I will.  A few tasks may go forward, little things.  Kept from becoming all-out assaults on my task list though.  While I agree with the notion of resting, I don't like it.  Something about striking while the iron is hot and all.  I have learned, if I want to be able to function for a while I can't do what I did in my younger days.  Still my body doesn't have a stoke-limiter.  It's either on or off, and right now it is on.  Never mind, I'll do my best.

Some information about cats from one who... thinks?  I have been baffled by Sam's emittances.  Continually vomiting, she was a great annoyance in this regard.  The vets didn't seem to know why, or think there was anything to be concerned about.  And a few times, from the remnants, it was clear the problem was that she had a 'mouse in her throat', or at least needed to get rid of the indigestible parts of such.  But the rest?  Ah, it finally came to me.  Sassy!  While Sam is not Sassy's mother, she is an older female.  Kittens do two things to their mother.  First, they demand milk.  Milk, milk, milk, and more milk, for a very long time, as long as they can stretch that out.  The next thing they demand is... undigested food... in the form of vomitus.  Ah-ha!  So... that is what was happening.  As I said, Sam did not birth Sassy.  Still, the interactions might well be the same.  Sassy knows how to get Sam to vomit, and Sam has no way to defend against that.  So, now I, and you, know.  Much has been forgiven.  None are at fault.  All was a natural cause and effect.  The vets SHOULD have known this, though.  Bad on them.

I read this article and had to laugh.  The suggestion is that smarter people drink more, ostensibly because drinking is a modern form of getting a buzz from eating rotten fruit.  And smart people would rather use "techy" stuff.  What idiots.  Of course, most people who write these things are "smart people", and shy in their own favor by miles.  Truth be told, "smart people" are miserable people.  This coming from the mouth of a "smart man".  Why are smart people miserable?  First, many of us think we can do it on our own, that there is a way to 'the good life'(tm) without God, rules, morals save as we see fit (as if we were constant).  As well, we understand how thin the veil that keeps life kosher and civil, something much more to our liking.  We know how little it would really take to cause the world to descend into madness.  And without faith for many of the "bright", hope is weak and fear grows.  Drinking, therefore, is often a replacement for faith.  It is a poor substitute.  There are other reasons for smart people, and anybody, to drink too.  But many smart people are social misfits.  Drinking does help with this.  As well, drink can... expand the mind.  It removes barriers and allows for more purely theoretical thinking.  I have seen amazing stuff while inebriated... some of it panned out later, some... not so much.  Silly researchers.