Had to push.

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With all the force I could muster it still took until noon to start.  A slow start.  I was running out of feed, for the ducks.  I was completely out for myself.  I hadn't been to the feed store before.  I believed I knew where it probably was, and sort of had it suggested.  It was as I thought.  I have enough for a good while, until I can sort other options.

After, to the grocery store and bank.  My card almost didn't go through at the store.  I tried it as credit and it worked.  However, at the bank atm, their machine ate the card.  They gave me a story of three wrong pin entries, which I know to be bunk.  Truth.  One wrong punch, got someone's or something's attention, and I look... very different.  Anyway, they wanted an up close and personal.  Funny thing?  Once in they never asked for my id.  They knew, but I look... lost a lot of weight, new very different glasses, and my hair wasn't in a tail... among other things.

I did get the cash I needed.  I am simply surprised they are watching accounts, or at least mine, that closely.  It may be time to go back to cash.

I grilled less expensive steak.  I was so hungry for meat.  I have enough food for a while.  Especially if I continue to go light with meals and frequency of them.  I am hoping to try cauliflower 'rice' this weekend.

Oh, butchering is on, Saturday.  Apparently Sunday best isn't required.  :p  I am looking forward to learning.  I'll become more of a homesteader yet.  Next thing you know, I'll have a flock of meat birds, or two, then a few goats.  Sneaks up on you.  Good night.

It is beginning.

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A shower, so far.  A fatted tea as I write, with a shave yet to finish the morning.  Blood sugar tested to 119.  I never will understand why it dropped 48 points in a few hours.  I am not actually fasting, if I am eating less.  The kitchen is backed up.  Oh, the ketone strips indicate I am over 80, not to the deepest level. if deeper than I have ever been before.  I think I was stuck at 40 for the less fatty proteins.  It takes a bit to... get it through the head, decide to go for it, then sort it all out.

Crocheting went well, while I could keep at it.  I am going larger with the dishcloths.  The main problem that remains is getting the row ends to be even and general stitch tension regulation.  It is improving, if I think a thousand projects under the belt is probably just a start.  I think I could, in time, kick out five a day, maybe more, if there would be no good reason.  Further, I couldn't afford the hobby and am extremely dubious there is a real regular reliable market demand for these things.

I have explored audio book at Amazon.  They do have the Tolkien series.  I didn't bite, as I am not sure how to get the audio books to my smart phone or other system.  The price seems reasonable, though I wonder if they have an upgrade, or might allow two enrollments?  I'll check.  I might burn through books rather quickly, even doing one or two projects, or the time equivalent, most days.

I would like to get to solid ability, then produce a few items for family and friends, then make more complicated products.  Mitten-gloves, caps and hats, shawls and scarves, throws and blankets, and those with color blocks and patterns.  Just... a hobby.  I am improving, if I am still on the simplest stitches and patterns.  All good.

Time to shave, finish suiting up, and doing a few other things.  Good day.

Good, actually, morning. In the morning.

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Nothing fancy.  No pain, slept well, got enough sleep, woke easy.  Fasting blood sugar is 162, not bad but up from yesterday's at 147.  My other two blood sugar tests were 121 around lunchtime and 128 a bit before bedtime.  I can hope to keep it low again.  There actually isn't a reason for it to have increased.  I hadn't eaten for hours before that or after to now.

It took all day, off and on, to finally finish the trim so the washcloth lies flat.  I kept adding curl!  I think the trick was using slightly less tension and making absolutely certain to hit every stitch, as well as doing extra in the corners, sometimes more than suggested.  I had to do many teardowns.  I refused to develop a flaw right at the end.  I... hope I have learned.  Odd thing is, the oblong (is it?) one?  I had no difficulty with it's border.

It isn't perfect, or appear so, but it is rather mildly and scarcely marred.  It is rather square, it is much improved, it was excellent practice.  Another start, to kick of my morning.  It is times like these when I hearken back to the golden days of radio, when talkies were the deal.  Hmm, they do have speaky books.  I wonder if they have Tolkien, perhaps the church doctors, on audio?  That... would do well.  I'll begin research.

Later.

An observer, several, many?

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Someone(s) has been... examining.  To my oldest posts.  Seem to have some idea of where to poke, if the pattern doesn't seem... singular.  Various topics, or random reviews, are occurring.  Do they see, as I present, through the eyes of a darkness redeemed, but not blind to or done with darkness?

A good start.

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Sleep was good, no pain today, I think cold weather and less sun has registered, and recovery from summer exertion has been fulfilled.  Now to get to some things.  Oh, fasting blood sugar was 147.  Yeah, it's a good thing.  Tea is steeping for a fatted ketonic, but first some cold tea.

YT, last night, became inaccessible.  It is back this morning.  They want me to switch to something I won't enjoin.  It includes tv stations.  I didn't cut cables as a purely economic issue.  It was content, intense leftist propaganda, politically correct actors and ideals, as well as advertising with all those evil traits and more.  If you wish to push white genocide, any genocide really, don't expect me to buy it.

With some help.

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Garden hoses were thawed, as were fittings.  So they were drained, rolled, and stowed.  Placed on boards, centered on rafters in the back of the garage.  It is nearly 18:00.  I'll close the coop, checking food first.  I hate to have hungry animals.  Fasting is more of a human or wild thing.  Odd that.  What takes humans, et. al., willpower is a natural part of wild animal life.  Sharpness is found from it, and health and vigor... until it becomes lethal.  No different from excess, just faster.

Blood sugar started out wicked high, at 214 fasting.  It dropped to 181, post fatted tea which I count as a meal. It is more reasonable now, at 144.  Whatever.  It is again trending lower, but jumping for no good reason.  The premeal average is in the 150's, after meal is fifteen points higher, average.  It's the loopy fasting blood sugar which is driving the overall average to above the after meal average!  Foul!

It was cold this morning.  I thought it was still cold.  Not so much.  It felt almost into the high fifties?  I brought my thermometer in the other day.  It was rattling so terribly from wind I thought it would break.  Two wood screws and a drill.  Yeah.  Soon.  And another one for out back, the other back... maybe on the coop.  Plus a rain gauge.  Yeah.

Good night.

A good start back to daytime.

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At 15:30, and counting, I have done well.  I can't do much work, if no better or worse than usual of late.  I did call and get to speak with both my mother and brother.  A very good thing.  I'll have to call more often.  It's late, in life.  Though, beside my recent pronouncement that the future is in the past, my previous observation that there is always tomorrow... until there is only tomorrow adds to it.  You do the math.

I actually have nearly completed another washcloth.  It is so close to square.  It is flat. I am struggling with the hem stitching.  Keeps curling.  I think I am too tired to do the work correctly, so I have set it aside for now.  I made two runs at the final part, only to have to strip it all out.  I won't put in a flaw that isn't necessary, if I can't do otherwise at the moment.

There are still flaws.  Fewer, smaller.  Still, this isn't an art potential exhibit, a fair product, or even a farmer's market fare... perhaps a flea market item.  :p  It is a surprising amount of improvement from the last, vastly superior to the first.  A dozen more and... we'll see.  I am improving, if there... I'm not sure how I could do worse than that first.

I had hoped to do housework.  Not going to happen.  I will close the ducks in, and feed them, before bedtime.  Might check the hoses and fittings, bringing in some of it.  Hungry, but out of pretty much... oh, but eggs.  If I can find a pan.  Gah!  Maybe just hardboil... or better soft, just enough for a meal?  Maybe.  Later.  Good night, in case I crash.

Better, faster.

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Finished with a second washcloth.  This one does lie flat.  It isn't square though.  It looks like a pyramid, if much closer to a square.  It beats the first by a country mile.  I did three tear outs, of various sizes.  I just can't seem to get it square.  Yet.  Oh, and these take a lot less thread than anticipated.  Mine is probably eight to ten by ten to twelve inches, but used far less than indicated.

Never could nap.  Now I have a headache.  Just as when gaming, getting into a new game, I end up sitting in one position for too long.  Maybe a nap soon.  Staying up to call and wish my brother a happy birthday.  I may, will, call my mom, to remind her.  He may not take my call.  I will leave a message if not.

Later, or... probably good night.

Wrong again.

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The washcloth is about half finished and rather rectangular, well on the way to being square.  Or, mostly.  I was much more careful with stitches, the pattern, and tension.  I did tear down part way, twice.  Almost did it again, until I tried something else.  I gently stretched the project.  It squared without undo force.

Further, I caught myself making stitching errors.  A lost step, or added... I am sure I missed some mistakes.  As well, I couldn't always tell where the next stitch was supposed to go.  It will simply take time.  I am improving, slowly.  It will take time.  I am finding improvement increases more through crafting, finishing, a flawed project than by ripping down and trying to improve.  Not sure why, but completion is more important... if resisting the desire to tear down in the hope of perfection is a gnawing haunt.

Nap time.  Later.

I am almost sure.

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I just can't guarantee, but I think this fall has been colder sooner than usual.  It seems to have geared down at a gradual pace, so as to hide it's depth.  But it is already freezing out there much of the time.  All the hoses outside had frozen water.  None are likely ruined, as they were mostly drained... just small amounts of residual water.

I removed attachments and put all on the sunny south side to let everything thaw.  I had to refresh the water trough.  Luckily I had a hose in the basement.  I'll check the hoses tomorrow, get them coiled and in.  I think the hydrant is suitable for cold weather, though, maybe, a wrap for the exposed pipe might be good.  Watering in freezing weather was always going to be the trickiest part of ducks.

Thankfully, I think my feathered friends keep, so far, the water from freezing.  Won't work in the harder weather, I'll need more containers.  Pull what is frozen in, just replace... fill another.  Beside just needing water, water is also necessary for them to eat.  And they need to clean their bills.  Oh, it is time to add wood chips and leaves to the floor.

I went ahead with an attempt at a dishcloth.  Many tearouts, before finally getting something going.  I finally got close enough, so I finished it off.  Far from square, if it will do.  More practice.  I learned a bit of a trick.  Eyeballing stitches, then adding or removing stitches in the next row in order to control.   I've heard counting stitches is a way.  But that is difficult and would really slow things.  Perhaps, while learning, I may have to count.  To be honest, I don't think the pattern, as given, works.  Though maybe it is my inexperience.  Time might tell.

I am going to try another one today.  I may try exact counting, and definitely go over her pattern again.  Maybe women just talk in a way that doesn't always make a correct transaction through man ears or brain... or necessarily each other's?  It is something that isn't gaming.  The place settings, hats, and gloves and mittens are no longer short term goals.  Maybe by next year, if I can keep at it.  I have to wonder how many start and end up dropping the craft.  It certainly isn't a quick skill to obtain.  I really thought I'd... be better faster.

Later.

Yeah, okay.

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Ah.  The example I tried to follow, as the simplest example, must have been a spoof.  I kept looking.  I didn't want complicated patterns, weird stitches, or a mix.  I finally think I found an actual pattern, with the correct and simplest stitch.  Not tonight.  Too tired.  Probably.  If I can, I'll work on the blanket.  The smaller yarn and needle takes a lot more concentration, too much for now.

Wrong, incorrect, in err.

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Sometimes this is a good thing.  Crocheting.  Two errors.  The first regards dishcloths.  I can't use the same pattern, scaled down.  The material just doesn't work correctly.  I am trying simple single stitches but that gets too tight.  Perhaps looser or/and skipping stitches?  I'll work on it.  As for the blanket?  I have learned a great deal.  I have about a third of the first skein stitched, and it is looking quite right.

I reviewed the video.  Which helped, though too as I run the stitches I stop to check my work.  If needed stitches are pulled, several times so far, if usually not far.  The edges are being kept even, but by eyeing the project and using whichever of several row stopping methods which allow alignment rather than just following instructions.  That allows me to correct for tension problems.  Not bad.

I can work longer, without cramping, though the smaller hook, well... not so much.  I'll get better at that too.  Surprised how well and fast improvements are occurring.

It looks like butchering chickens this or next weekend.  I am looking forward to training.  This will let me know if I will try to raise meat birds next year.  I'll help this couple any time they want help.  I am pretty sure about the meat birds.  All the practice I can get would be for the better.  Social time is a rare plus too.

Later.

I like riddles.

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Not all riddles are lyrical, or apparently complex.  Seen through the eyes of flesh, they might even seem silly.  First, the answer: Yesterday.

Technically finished.

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With the baby blanket, that is.  I... don't think I'll attempt to give it away.  The question is, should I keep it... evidence, or undo and try again?  Any of you have an opinion?  It is my first project.  Not a dishcloth or any other item has been crafted before.  I'll be considering it's fate over the next week, as I try again.  I have to admit, I am not sure I improved from start to stop.  Oh, a bit.  I just don't know.  I'll watch the vid again, too.

I did learn a different way to use the skein.  By finding the end inside, there was no need to spin the yarn off.  I have learned several tricks.  The main thing is tension.  When not done correctly, bad tension will make counting difficult, stitching correctly by pattern difficult, and makes turning around not work well.

I may try two projects at once this week.  Another blanket, and smaller sized dishcloths with a scaled down pattern, yarn, and hook.  I don't expect learning to be fast.  And yet the only way to get better is right through the cold lunch of abject failure.  Something I am noticing, when viewing more complex patterns, is that they make sense.  I couldn't replicate, but I understand... the idea.  I can even, in my mind, begin to plot patterns.  Sometimes what I devise is more or less complex.  Some of what I imagine would be useless, save as mathematically derived art forms... conches, coils, and such.  And I realize Amazon is definitely not where to buy yarn.  Jo Ann's, Walmart, Michael's, Hobby Lobby, perhaps others.  Amazon's is way out there on prices.  Weird, but it did get me started.

A darker day.  A good one, perhaps.  Later.

So dark.

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When it goes dark, it isn't only less light and heat by time, but also by the weakening of what little sun there remains, and that it is nearly as likely to be overcast as well.  This year the struggle to hold on is hampered.  A bit too much of a push earlier in the summer, if I was happy to do it.  Will do similar next year, if at all possible.

Fasting blood sugar is finally coming down again.  Yesterday it was 180ish, today 157.  The thing about today is the fasting test is lower than the bedtime test, if only by almost a handful of points.  That signals the beginning of something good.  It offers no promise of future performance, but offers a signalling snapshot of a good moment.  Collect a dozen of those snapshots and... then I have gotten somewhere.  From then on, it's a matter of maintaining balance and focus.  The right, or no, food, at the right times.  Activity as possible.

I've decided to go with more milk, which I am mostly converting to kefir.  I want more, to maintain kefir volume, plus have some actual milk to drink and with which to cook.  If only through the generous help of others, I am enjoying a much better food situation.  Milk is food much more than drink.

I finished the first skein of yarn on my project.  I tied another in and kept going.  I think two skeins will do.  These are 10.5 ounce, 220 yard jobbies, and this is only a baby blanket, if probably a rather large one.  If wanted, could be used by the child until the end of grade school unless she is a giantess.  I have to take long breaks, for hand cramping, but am improving.  It's... far from perfect.  But it will hold together.  The ends, sides, aren't even... some stitches are treble or single rather than double.  But it will easily do.  It has flaws, as the one who made it.  Perhaps forgiven, in love, for what is offered despite the problems.  Perhaps, in time, loved even in part for the flaws.

Oh, and I am still working on the game.  I probably had it, just could have started with a specific save and done things slightly differently from then on.  Unfortunately that save is gone.  This time, for sure.

A few things sorted.

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Visitors.  Helped with raking.  Actually, they raked.  Only two rakes.  I trimmed shoots from around the trees, picked up larger sticks, and did odd jobs.  We collected the fresh leaves, for the ducks.  Branches have been put, mostly, into a main pile.  After being so chill for the last many days, today couldn't have been nicer.  The sun was generous and smiling like a fool with no ill devisement, there was a gentle friendly breeze, and it was still just cool enough that a bit of work was more a pleasantry than effort.  A rare day to be savored in thought on through time as winter consumes all other vestiges of the day.

Then a call to AAA.  I don't know where their call center is, if I'm thinking Gainsville women's prison?  Eventually sorted it out, to get a tech sent.  After a goodly lot of fussing, the battery was tested.  Dead, but charging was still good.  All good.  I got the last battery they had in stock.  At $150, almost, I was happy.  Other than tires, and after seven years, no gripe.  I will never kick a beast which goes down after good service.

I got a shower in before, am crocheting right along, though finishing gaming when my hands cramp.  I am sure hand endurance will increase.  I continue to find mistakes.  And, yet, the project has a unique charm only it will ever posses, for no other blanket will exhibit those flaws in exactly those ways.  As a baby blanket it will serve well.  At this pace it coul well take three to five more days to complete... in sum, in case I don't work on it in consecutive days.  I think I have the double stitch down though.  It's more perfecting ends work, patterning, and tension.

The V.A. glasses are in.  Damn fine job.  It'll take a bit to adjust to them.  All knew glasses are that way.  Bifocals are that way, in spades.  I can now, when I have the money, order several pair.  Another bifocal and two plain, for now.  The last set was off to, which actually hurt my vision.  I am hoping right scripts willl... help.

Eh?

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Not quite finished with the game.  Even so, at a point were something else can go forward, namely crocheting.  With the really big hooks and yarn, in the right colors, I can, have, begun.  Baby blankets, to start.  I had thought about hats, table placemats, dishcloths, and such.  But for the yarn and hook sizes, after experimentation, I needed/wanted to learn using, those projects weren't good fits.  I think practical.  Who wants hats or place settings with huge gaps.  The blanket works as it's mostly indoor, and can be wrapped.

I have no need for such, but I know a few folk with very small ones.  Helping them is helping me and my country.  I'll do a couple of those.  Then a bigger blanket.  Then, perhaps, try washcloths.  The thread was difficult, cotton poly, and I heard full cotton.  Plus, the yarn/thread is much smaller.  With the washcloths, I'll practice different stitches and patterns, to get a feel for results and the simple experience.  After those, then on to hats, maybe gloves or mittens.

Blood sugar is weird.

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My averages are: total is 165; before meal is 162; and after meal is 159.  The problem with the before meal average is I started including fasting tests.  I don't think that should go there.  It is too different, it's own category.  Actually, let me remove those and see... yes, before meal changes to 150 average.  Good enough averages while just starting back into things.  Still, my fasting blood sugars are so very high, though drop into the 140 range, plus or minus 20, but only after eating or drinking a ketonic.  As for keto, the strips indicate I am at 40, or moderate.  I do need more fat and less protein.  Proteins are my real sweet tooth craving (well, and donuts).

I'm working on things.  I believe I am going to attempt a single meal a day, with an earlier and later ketonic, if keeping all consumption within eight hours, for now.  Only tea before and after.  Knowing my blood sugar won't drop without food/fats, I'll begin consumption early... well, according to me whacked schedule.  If I have my first fatted ketonic tea now, a real meal in several hours, want or not, the last ketonic should be started by 6:00.

Since protein seems to be a necessary evil at this point, I really have to add fat.  A butter and cream sauce, in which to warm the protein, might be the trick.  Then, perhaps, slicing the meat, as a pasta replacement.  Just thinking out loud.  Less protein?  Yeah.  Sadly.  Although more fat is always a happy thing.  I am in keto, this should work.  I fear potassium deficiency, and water gain.  I seem to have enough water pill, and can probably afford at least the potassium.  If I can figure a way to town.  Ugh!

Cool out there.

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Right for the season, mostly.  A little cooler and a lot wetter than usual?  Maybe a tadge.  But, then, in truth, what really is usual, typical, normal?  I am beginning to believe that typical, if it actually happened, would be extremely rare.  And that for a season.  For a whole year?  Preposterous!  So a bit to the cool and rainy sides is, well, quite... normal?  Aye.  To be expected.  Enjoyed if possible.

Ducks have been closed and fed.  Watered and fed earlier, but they cleaned their  plates well enough for a dinner.  They look and sound well.

I did make it to the post.  Beside a few packages and letters, a rug.  At least it wasn't huge, if still a bit to handle.  More the length than weight, as to me it was rather light.  Got it all home easily enough.  Part of the problem is that I am out of meds, can't afford more, not this month, especially not knowing if the battery is gone or... if there is more to it.  Though just the battery replacement would keep me shy.

I'm not feeling the best off medication.  Nor doing the best.  Ugh.  Blood sugar went to 220's, fasting test.  Being able to fast again, next time I'll fast for three days, and do that weekly.  I did end having two more chicken legs, an half cup of corn, and a large glass of kefir, but no fatted tea.  Ah well, will keep at it.

If I don't finish the game today, by Friday almost certainly.  Then to crocheting.  I will have everything I need by then.  I should have enough bulky yarn for a blanket or two, then can start with less bulky, and then thinner stuff, upping complexity as I go.  I am hoping to kick out at least three hats this year, perhaps matching gloves or mittens for two of those.  It's... a goal.  No idea, though, how long this stuff takes to make?

As to chain mail?  Not until I can sort how to easily weld the pieces.  Which also means I have to be able to afford the kit.  I... don't quite have the resources available for that, currently.  Time, perhaps.

Later.

Finished fasting.

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Enough was enough.  I hadn't hit a wall this time.  It's more that my diabetes was managed more quickly.  My blood sugar peaked two hour ago, at 169.  It has since dropped to 147.  It was a bit higher earlier though, into the 140's.  So a twenty to thirty point jump on a meal isn't a problem as I measure things.  And, to be honest, for the last few months, a read of 169 would have been superior.

I wonder if my body hates fasting so much that it kicks over to keto more swiftly in order to cease fasting?  It, I was amazed how quickly and deeply it fell.  That with consuming cream, between an half and a full cup of cream while fasting.  Food, the right food, in the right amounts, really is the only medicine most need... for some things.

What did I break the fast with?  Iowa sweet corn and chicken legs.  Six legs, which really isn't much, and probably two and more cups of corn.  Oh, and a now rare glass of milk.  I turn most of it to kefir now.  Cuts the carbs, adds probiotics.  Plus carbonation.  Love me some carbonated milk!  I think I'll have a glass of that, then tea and cream to get fats in.   Too stuffed for more chicken.

Raining, and bitterly dark.

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A smell woke me.  Fire.  Not close, too close, or intense, too intense.  It must be a fireplace, or wood stove, heater... perhaps several.  A comforting scent.

I woke without undo pain this day.  But pushed into gear.  Ducks.  I am not worried about when, regarding food.  Feed is based on need, but generally twice a day, once in a pinch, none once a month.  I merely want them to have plenty of water, which isn't a time thing.  But I do want them fully closed in when it grows dark.  I know what lurks in the darkness.  It is amazing how quickly it grows so dark.

Sleep was good.  Dreams, but I don't think much remains of them.  The taste of her lips, but not her name.  We must have been in our teens, if from memory... which... I only knew a dozen women, three of them were adult, four?  It narrows the choices but I really only recall her general slim shape and lips.  I miss... yeah.

Fasting blood sugar surprised me, 141.  It's a beautiful thing.  I'll have my cream tea right after this first cold tea... earlier by far than usual.  I am curious if that, even the idea of it, lowers blood sugar.  I suspect some of this is psychosomatic.  Not all of it, probably... not yet.

Raining, dark, but up to the high forties.  Crazy.  Yesterday it dipped to 32ish.  I half expected snow, by logic though not my other senses.  Rained yesterday too.  I watered before rain, yesterday, if a bit overlong, then feared a harder freeze.  Fall and spring can be so messy.  Still, good seasons.  Can potentially do more in the cool than the cold or hot, if navigating the waterworks becomes the trick.  Later.

No post office or town.

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The battery finally quit grumbling and keeled over.  I have a charger... which, if I am not mistaken, is also dead.  I called my usual shop, they are thinking later in the week.  I'll see about a jump.  Failing that a tow.  Question is, do I want to seek a jump to see if it will even work before the day?  So tired.

Meant to be asleep by now.  Time just slipped away.  Then I got stuck messing with this.  I did check blood sugar one last time.  Back down, to 124.  After it went up, I... just had to see if it would continue to climb or drop.  I dreaded to know, but had to check.  If I could get, and keep, it between 80 and 120, I'd be golden.  I'd take 100 to 140.  Would?  Will have it.

I guess I'll sleep now.  Did get a shower in.  The fowl are breathing fresh air, fed and watered... if water needs to be filled or changed later.  I'll... do one or the other if I have to do it at midnight.  Good night.

Blood readings can be so strange.

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The blood sugar did drop.  It was more a matter of time.  By the time I got around to tea and cream, but before consumption, it had dropped to 130.  A few hours after consuming tea with cream, it dropped to 122.  I just tested again, it is up to 130.  One more day of fasting and I should be good for a while.

About to open up for the ducks, and get a shower.  Then crash for a bit.  I have some things this afternoon.

I am almost finished with the game.  Then to crocheting.  The game has sort of eaten my life, if there wasn't much functional life to me to start.  And it has kept me awake, more aware.  I am hoping crocheting can... offer me similar.  I am coming at it from 180° opposite of why women do this.  They need something to take their minds off... everything.  I need something to... wake me, keep me in the present and local.  I need reals, they need escape.

Oh, going to make it to the post office this morning too.  I have items in.  Hope nothing has been returned.  Oh well.  Later.  Or, good night, actually, mostly.

Sleep was good.

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Woke on a sour note.  It felt like a solid punch, solid enough to jar the liver.  Funky.  It was dulled by sleep, was a one time thing, and is sliding off the radar.  Aspirin may or may not be helping.  Other than that, life is peachy.  I am hoping to do a few things tonight.

Fasting blood sugar was 181, two hours later it was 177.  Go figure.  I do, sometimes, slightly cheat on my fast, heavy cream and tea or broth.  I had it yesterday.  Thought it might throw things off, but just the opposite.  I'll see about tonight.  A hundred point blood sugar drop, in eleven hours yesterday.  Crazy.

Never did sleep.

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Couldn't.  Not really sleepy even now.

Crazy thing?  Fasting since waking from my nap.  Blood sugar was 200 at 10:00... right before my nap, then 222 at 19:40, a late fasting test.  It dropped to 145 at 4:31.  I didn't believe... trust... that number, so tested several hours later... 122.  Okay.  Still, will fast for another day or two.

Not much else.  May crash shortly.  Good day and night.

Good night.

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Yeah.

Long naps.

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Being cold and dark I'll take what control over sleep I may garner.  No easy way through.  I may have thirty to forty years left, but it'll be a slippery slide down a water shoot rather than a dignified organized exit strategy.  Then again, nothing different from the last thirty years.

The hutch were not opened up, but the fowl have been fed, and water refilled yesterday.  A change of their water pan, and cleaning of the one currently in us, tomorrow, and some work in their pen... plus putting the rest of the cage shelving together.  No more of that will go in the closet... time to rearrange the bedroom.

It's a good day.  Pain is unusually light for recent times.  I may actually take aspirin just to be, probably, fully pain free for a bit.  So close, and it has been so long... yeah, that would be pleasant.  Four to six hours, then back to the grind.  I don't truly need, but while I am here...  Fasting today, and for several days if possible.  No sugar replacement.  Just raw tea and air.

I watered the grass.  Just a bit.  I should do it earlier, but I was napping.  It is cold out there, but shouldn't freeze.  An half hour, every other day, unless it rains.  Restart the count after that.  More seed in the spring, as needed.  But I really have to keep up on watering in the summer.  Ugh.  Oh, I may try a hot tea ketonic.  I usually use coffee, trying something different.  Oh, that is, hot beverage of choice (I let it cool to warm-hot), add MTC oil, ketone crystals, and electrolyte powder, plus another ketone-friendly powder.  I really have to fix things... eating correctly is not working.  Fasting and keto are the only non-bigpharma ways.

Day days?

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Finally.  Maybe.  If the pain can be endured I can usually switch back to days.  For how long is the question.  I can handle the pain any time, if it is the only current suffering.  Although I may not choose such even so.  If I just made it through a dark hard period, I may choose to rest before attempting to change my schedule.

I am hurting, tired, weak, and beset externally at the moment.  But I need days.  I didn't brute force the effort though.  I saw a potential back door, took it.  It took longer, and isn't always possible.  This time it worked.  The cool allowed me to sleep earlier, so as to engineer my new schedule through extra sleep.

I have decided, this year, to put the furnace at 68 F.  I'll just wear more clothes.  And, if necessary, sleep more.  It wasn't a money saving thing when formulated, though it seems to be working out as a feature due to Social Security spoofing again.  I'm working out what to wear to be just right.  The thing is, that changes for many reasons.  And, sometimes, just sitting makes it impossible to warm.  I'll get better at it, I'm sure.

I've been up since 3:45 or so.  It's about time for a nap.  It's dark out, which doesn't help.  Blood sugar was 161, fasting, this morning.  Not sure why it came down, but I'll take it.  Consuming kefir rather than milk?  Maybe.  I'm hoping for better yet.  Nothing but tea and it's up to 200.  I need to eat.  Difficult as I'm not digesting well, and don't have much on hand.  Hmm, perhaps I'm up to fasting?

As with changing sleep cycle, I have to be ready for extra suffering in order to fast.  The allowances are different though, more on what sorts of pain can be present.  I'll give fasting a shot.  Oh, some entertainment (?) for you.

Not easily mortified.

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Whether algorithms... an musical a.i. of whatever sophistication, someone who knows me... or believes they do, or just employees mucking about in the guts of machines, a roster of vids have been recommended, or technically viewed... while I know they weren't all seen by me.  The one I posted before, and one I saw before, were in the recommended section, oddly.  These... troubled me.  Why.  I don't know!  Terrified, actually.  It has taken me days to finally watch them all through to the end, like a child watching a horror movie scary scene through meshed fingers.  Then, not seeing enough, asking what happened.

Dreams and visions too.  Which were first I can't be sure.  Purging seems prudent.

I can't say what it is.  They may be unwatchable for you, if for different reasons.  I really don't... get the problem.  I merely have it.  Really didn't want to post, but... sometimes the only way for me to extract a thorn from my mind is to post.  I won't say they, or my difficulty with them, will make sense.  But what about an emotional response does make sense?  If you have a strong, even negative, reaction?  Imagine that somehow they were, if inexplicably, tied to you personally.  See?  Here.

A very long day.

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I had hoped to sleep by 3:00 or 4:00 in order to wake by 12:00 to 13:00.  Visitors, then work.  Couldn't sleep.  Did open up for the ducks, put shelving together, but not all of it, didn't all fit.  May try another place for part or all of it.  It could help a lot.  I was up for visitors and work, plus grilled dinner, for both of us.  Ducks are buttoned down for the night.

Crashing.  Good night.

Always interesting to see responses.

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When I do a video storm, usually there are videos in response.  If it is new to me, and a group I haven't rejected, I will give it a shot.  If I haven't played it in months, more so years, I give it a spin to see if it fits.  Not all seems to work, though I can miss tangents. Thing is, every time I bump the ether, something(s) and/or someone(s) bump back.  So it was.

I didn't do this sooner as weariness, but I also had an Internet outage last night.  Now.

Food, crochetting, a storm, and more.

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Food, and drink, to start off.  I must admit, I used to mock what older people seemed to eat.  Cabbage?  Smoothies?  Health food (of any sort).  I didn't realize it was necessity, was my main problem.  I thought it was an odd attempt at immortality, rather than tending an aging body.  Sometimes, often, wrongly albeit.  Butter really is better, vastly superior, to margarine, for example.  The whole boomer gen has nearly been destroyed by bad, perhaps malicious, food advice.  My gen knew better than to believe, but good alternatives were very hard to find, and are still being slammed by the medical and media industrial complexes... which I believe are intent on destroying "whites", for whatever that means.

Anyway, I have found a diet that works, roughly, if I can stay on it.  Well, and control things.  One problem was nuts, for example.  No, I do love them.  It was a matter of self-control.  I, this time, cracked down.  Instead of going by intuition, I weighed out portions.  A package label portion was one ounce.  As noted, that is based on a 130 pound, 53 year old post-menopausal.  No need to say women.  Well, I can safely, literally, double that.  Probably more being male.  So, two ounces, discretely repackaged.  I... almost cried at how little even a double portion looked, but stuck with it.  I have those every few days.

I am really beginning to tend, watch, get the right foods more often.  The trip to my mother's threw me terribly off.  I haven't recovered.  Dealing with being shorted by Social Security, again, has me in trouble financially, so that isn't helping.  Ugh.  But I am getting back to things.

Drinks were another issue.  Tea, mostly.  Milk, then more to dairy kefir... if keeping up on it is a pain.  Then kefir water a few times a week... a lot of probiotics.  Are probiotics actually good?  All I know is they generally cut carbs and sugars, don't generally trigger diabetes, and offer variety to my drink selection.  In a sense, beyond that, I don't care.  Now cold brewed coffee several times a week.  To that I may be adding a keto cola.  Not great, different.  It's called Zevia, based on stevia.  If it doesn't hurt my numbers, I'll keep it.  I'll never drink it like I used to drink regular soda.  It is far too expensive.  Variety, though, is what will help.

As to crocheting?  Well, in trying to get all I needed, I technically succeeded but mechanically fell down.  Acrylic, check.  Number 5, chunky but not textured, check.  But far too dark to start with.  Especially without the right glasses, and being up, working, at night.  So... I ordered a few skeins of brighter colors.  One thing I realized, from the start?  Never order a single skein.  Some of them won't finish out a dish cloth.  Three might do two dish clothes, or so.  I didn't realize it was such an expensive hobby.  Don't go into it to save money.  Blankets must be a small fortune, not including time.  Ugh.  Still, so be it.

A storm passed through last night and tonight.  Serious for these parts.  The remnants of a hurricane?  Sam stayed out, even going out into it.  I'm not a "no" guy.  I might caution.  No more, unless someone will surely be harmed.  Crazy brave cat, for a cat.  I'll check shortly, again.  I fear the cold more than anything at this point.

Oh, looks like I was right about Logan.  Right to not settle there.  The ricine guy?  Yep.  The Boss, and his pops, independently, saw the fibs and locals nabbing the dweeb.  He'll just go to work at some college when he gets out.  It doesn't sound like he mailed it to Cruz's office, the POTUS and a couple peeps at the pentagon.  Whatevs.  Murderous treason deserves the death penalty.

Later, or good night.

I need to pull it together.

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I am sleeping the literal day away.  I have things which have to be done.  Requiring day, office, hours.  I try to push one way, pull the other, to no effect at all... after letting it all settle out on it's own for days, and that failing.  Days?  Weeks?  More like weeks.  All I can do is keep at it.

Heck of a storm recently.  Heavy winds and a lot of rain.  Not much rain otherwise this year.  And, yet, the damn seems good.  Decided not to test lies and such.  Crazy what was going on there.  Cali needs to encourage depopulation, build more reservoirs, choose people over a fish which can easily be repopulated anyway, and probably all.  They shouldn't be allowed to steal water from stressed civilians who DO manage what little water we get.  Farmers want to sell their water shares instead of farm, let them, in an open honest way.

I was surprised my blood sugar wasn't higher.  I've been eating off the pasta.  Now I have two potatoes, and some rice.  I won't buy any of those again.  Oh well.  Shiritaki noodles, cauliflower, and a new notion... raw thick chunked mushrooms... will serve as bases.  I wasn't eating sauced meals often, due to carbs.  Now that my eyes are open to carb alternatives and how good a fat infusion process the sauces are, easily, I'll be keeping a sauce on hand for fast meals.  Replacing burger crumble, which had gotten terribly boring.

Also, while it sounds decadent, I can't eat much.  A gravy portioned with two to three pounds of hamburger will last two weeks, if it lasts two weeks, having nine to ten meals from it, or more.  I never need seconds.  I don't even need a large portion... Say a cup or two of sauce (remember, I'm 6'4"-5" and 260ish).  When finances are back in order, I'd like to try a mix of ground lamb, pork, perhaps turkey... with the burger and each other, to see if there is a... more perfect ground meat mix.  Though, I could examine prices.  I try to only buy burger at $3.50 or less a pound.  That's my target, trigger prices, for all meats currently.

I should ask if higher fat burger, 70% lean or fatter if they will, would offer a bargain.  I may call the butcher if I can remember, load out twenty to thirty pounds of ground beef... would see me through a while, check on chuck roasts and ground lamb while at it, perhaps pork chops and butt roasts.  Yeah.  The right price could secure meats for three months for a slim wallet.

Dreaming.  Going places that don't exist in the worlds you know.  It is amazing what is out there.  If just dreams, cool.  If more, all good.  Although, if a child of the Creator dreams it, does that make it real, somewhere, somehow?  The procreative was one of our most powerful gifts.  Who says it is just children.  Look at any city.  As barren as many are, with regards to new life, as with cathedrals, temples, on their own, they are certainly creations, and of man, in part, possibly wholly.  Out of necessity mayhap, if necessity is the mother of many wonderful and terrible things, it is her sons who arrange details and do the work.  Yeah, dreams.  At least it doesn't hurt there, and demons fear, if I think angels avoid.  Demons don't fear me, it's my faith, Who it is in.  Although there is... more to it.  Just... something I suspect.

Later.

Days are off.

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I had to stay up late to open up the hutch and feed the ducks.  I'm not sure how early the coop can safely be opened.  I may try earlier, if of course that is a moving target on any account.  They are looking good.  I always, for brain work, do a head count when I check on them.  They move together and weave and bob as a group.  Sometimes the count takes several tries.  They would make great boxers!

Still bloated, gassy seeming if that really couldn't be the issue.  I am finishing up regular pasta, but have created two high-fat sauces, a white cream and red tomato and cream sauce, which are killer.  I also found an odd product onto which the sauces, at least white sauce, is super.  Fried pork rinds, partially crushed, make for a superior base.  Now to find some cooked better.  I'm not in this for manufacturers, they need to be in it for me.

On top of the sauces being exceptional, they last well in a simple container in the fridge.  As well as they are spiced, a big batch can be stored safely for several weeks.  What I also noted, when I added butter, whole raw milk, cream, and cream cheese in the white, I don't need seconds, or even as big a serving size.  Absolutely fantastic.

As for other bases?  Perhaps next month, I will try more shitaki (or miracle, if I got that first wrong) noodles.  I think the high-fat sauces will stick better, and cauliflower this month.  Why three types?  To have some shelf  stable goods on hand when I can't get fresh, required for cauliflower, to some extent I can't always keep up on that alway.  As well, cauliflower requires processing and cooking... again, something I can't always do.  Sometimes I can only shop once or twice a month.  Those go bad in a week, often.

This, however, is a major breakthrough for my keto culinary-foo.  Next up chile verde, with tomatillo and lemon and/or lime.  Eating at that Mexican restaurant brought back some long forgotten hungers.  And, yes, I would label the place authentic.  If finances turn around, I would stop in a couple times a month.  I like it done right.  And while I might be able to pinch a sauce, or do offal occasionally, I really can't put it all together, ala vie Papa Joe's.  They can, do.  A place, Mexican food wonderland, I knew growing up... we even stayed with the family sometimes?  We definitely did frequent day visits, and mom helped cook.

Ugh.  Still with the organs.  The pain is slightly duller.  Almost worse for it?  In a way.  I never did take aspirin.  I'll do it today.  And medicine.  *sigh*  The lord knows I do try, make serious effort, fail often even so.  I'll... keep at it.  Good day.

What is is?

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Paraphrased, from paragraphs of thought.  Offered with a pointed intent.  Presumably from one who might know, but without actually asking.  So it is.

Pain.

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Not new.  Old pains.  Internal.  Organs, combined with bloat to... enhance the experience.  For days now.  I'd eat something to go, but I am doing well and more that way.  Nothing intestinal, it really is just some of the organs.  Twisted.  I do keep missing meds, can't focus, remember.  The pain... unless I can use what focus can be mustered to draw the mind from those senses, I get overwhelmed by the pain.  Ah, aspirin today.  I try not to depend on stuff.  I suppose, once in a while.

If this continues, I'll bring it up with my real doc next time I'm in.  If it kills me beforehand, then I won't need to worry.  I doubt there is much to do about it.  Just a body, beat up by a bum heart that can't really be fixed.  Why the body isn't dead as is is a God thing, and they know it.  They left me to die, God said no.  So far.

I did get the hutch open before crashing.  Trash and recycling went out.  The ducks still had food.  I don't think they had enough water to eat more than half to two thirds of their food.  Now I know where the cutoff is.  As long as it is a partial day, once in a long while...  If, generally, I prefer them to have full access to food and water... for all and conscience sake.  I've been doing well by them, so far.  The girls, cat girls, have allowed me to train to feed others, several times a day, since I don't eat that often myself, always.  If not perfectly scheduled, two feedings a day for the ducks, and about five to six small meals for the cats, most of those just a small pile of treats... but life is easier, and Sassy has stopped bulking up, looking more like a lady cat than front line nose.  And Sam doesn't get so terribly thin!  Crazy cats were causing concern.

Aspirin, medicine, then on to waking.  Later.

Quite a month, for the blog.

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Blogger claims 6,226 visitors for the month.  I don't do advertising, so it doesn't matter.  Never sure... about anything.  It's my third highest stat, averaging half that, give or take 500, generally.  Or in the last three to four years.  I've quit, or tried to quit, other blog trackers.  Most set my security programs off.  Some just won't go away, quit.

Have you ever heard a cat whine?  I just did.  It's the strangest thing.  My bedroom door is shut.  I guess she wanted in.  I just... you can't always get what you want...

I went completely off the rez last night.  Had a burger and regular soda.  That... I think it's like putting leaded into an unleaded engine?  I haven't been doing all that good this week.  That didn't help.  When out, if I forget my tea, to be honest, I think regular soda IS the best option.

There were problems with some of the keys on some doors.  New keys.  For the Boss.  Still sticky.  This time he offered my own advice, DW-40.  And, yes, it worked.  Funny how I can solve someone else's problem quickly, but not my own, even when, or after, recently offering that same fix.  Then again, I doubt if I am alone.  We just get used to something being as it is, well, and the fear of the mess of a real fix?  Yeah.  A fix can be fast and painless, or it can turn into an expensive, painful, week or month long foray into pain and deprivation.  Yes, it can.

I saw a bug back on the plant my mother sent.  Tiny, smaller than fleas, a flea's flea.  Could barely see it.  Killed it, if that won't be enough.  Hit it with diatomatious earth, but see that as only a temp fix now.  I'll begin searching for something else, a true bug killer. These things ate two and an half of the three leaves on this plant in two days.  They will kill it if I don't end them.  It finally has seven to nine new, if mostly tiny still, leaves coming in.  I will save this plant if I can.  Amazing how much these tiny bugs can eat, and how fast!  I suspect they are from the other plants, which are much more resistant.

No letter from the mailman. He isn't going to write anything.  I'll have to forgo that.  Waited all this time for nothing.  I really am beginning to wonder about some things.

Some folk don't understand, fully, my fear of my mother dying.  We are rather... connected.  If she goes first, the tie will not be severed.  If not born of her, I was certainly born for her.  I... would be closer, on into death and yet somehow more resistant to it for that.  Believe as yo wish.  I am all but certain.  As with my cousin who visited, only ongoing... difficult to bear in ways you can't understand.

Later.

Driving lessons.

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I am doing pretty good.  Nervous about winter driving.  Not sure if there is a difference between stick and auto.  I never drove stick anywhere colder than South Carolina, near Charleston... they wear parkas there when it hits forty eight.  I had to laugh.  It did snow once while I was there, but I didn't have access to the stick and wouldn't have gone out anyway.  As bad as they were at driving in the rain, I stayed home if there was any kind of weather.  Night driving was easy enough, the bit I did.  I was a bit nervous about that, no major problem.

More of any practice would be good.  New tires are needed for winter driving, I am told.  Yeah, true.  Practice again Monday, work Friday.  Hopefully I'll paint this week, and do a few other things.  I will save making the screen door for Friday, and maybe a bit of the painting.  A bit of yardwork remains.

The ducks are doing well.  I can sort of quack at them, but it isn't quite their sound.  Better than most tall, footed, quackers.  I'll have to work on it, study then emulate their noises.  Water was good, food was low.  Yep, about three cups of food a day.  I have heard 138 grams per bird, per day.  I should evaluate that.  Oh, and maybe get a bath going for them tomorrow, and another day this week.

The Boss, who was playing the Boss on the radio when I got in tonight... just a funny, I thought, says they have a post hole digger.  But it's old, doesn't work.  I asked him to take it to a shop, see what the damages would be, assuming it could be fixed.  Might be worth a bit more to get a fix, and have it available, than pay slightly less for one use.  With a Ph. D., I could go places!  Ph. D., aka Posthole Digger.

Well, I never quite got to wake up.  And I may be going back to sleep soon.  So... good day, night... both?  Maybe.  Or later.

A pretty good morning.

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A more complete meal yesterday.  Had to use pasta, but made a beef gravy sort of sauce.  No flour, just cream cheese, butter, and raw cream, with the burger.  Spiced with Italian sorts of seasonings.  No heat added.  I would have purchased and used those zero, or miracle, noodles, but money is shy.  No, I really don't like them.  That, I finally decided, can't matter.  Perhaps using up the regular pasta will... leave me with no choice.  It feels right to use rather than just toss food though.  They really are starving.

What is strange?  The noodle really does make a difference with the sauce.  I can't enjoy a white sauce on spaghetti, nor a tomato sauce on most other noodles.  Oh, well, my mother can make a wonderful tomato goulash  (first and second use, noodles get mushy in leftovers after), and others can do something with flats of pasta and tomato.  I can't get those to work... for me.

I was awake late enough to open up for the quackers this morning.  A cup of food was added, water looked good.  The front yard was watered last night, side yard might get hit tonight.  As well, driving lessons tonight.  A shower, shave, and getting dressed official like shortly.  I'll be ready.  Sleep was just right, and needed.  Later.

A touch of death.

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Dreaming.  Early in the day.  I knew it was a dream, as is my way.  But I felt it wasn't.  I couldn't wake, or shake death, or... trapped in there.  I thought someone was here, at my home, but couldn't pull out of the dream morass.  So hard, cold, dark.  Death is a rather potent thing, if... only from this side.  It means, ultimately, essentially, what gravity means to astronauts.  It has it's uses, but from a distance... until one goes far enough... in time and space, same things in varying means of pronunciations.

Yes, yes.

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Later than planned, but yes.  The ducks received fresh water in a clean container.  The previous container was washed, inside and out.  It wasn't until a bit later, 19:30, as it was getting dark.  Which means the hutch was shut down a bit late.  All were present and accounted.  Still, would rather have them in and buttoned down earlier.  More feed too.  One cup this morning, all gone... two tonight.  I am doing my best.

The cats got fed wet feed late, to, but got snacks, and have dry to their leisure, now that Sassy doesn't overeat to were she perpetually gets larger.  They, too, have been fed.

Someone ore something arranged bottles to fall out of my cupboards.  I opened them to get the cat food when two heavy glass bottles tumbled out.  Darn lucky nothing struck and the glass didn't break.  Maybe someone... looking for tools or meaning harm, or my strange... visitors.  The apparitions can do physical things, if I don't believe they intend, or even can know to intention to do harm.  It wasn't like that for the last week.  I have been getting food out of there for weeks, and have not done anything else in there nor had any other problem.  Odd.

I am almost thinking of sleeping again.  Not sure.  Later, much later, or good night.

Such a long day... night.

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I was awake beyond 6:00, 7:00, but how much later I can't know.  I waited for it to actually be day, so as to open the coop.  I was surprised how cool it was.  I... thought it read below freezing?  28 F or cooler... couldn't focus to see or remember, though that or colder.  Startled.  Which is why I remember anything.  Was able to go out without socks.  The house is at 68 F, with the furnace running rarely.

A shower or breakfast, first and second.  Then work in the kitchen and then bathroom, with laundry in the background.  Not much laundry, a good time to change bedding.

Innards are back to being a pain.  Front torso, two.  One on each side, if who knows what pain in there really is.  Feels like recovering bruising, more advanced in the healing process than last time.  That and some gassy bloat.  Some of that could be cabbage.  My body didn't do what it usually does with cabbage... thanks to the potato I think.  There is some bloat, if that is only part of it.  Probably.  Maybe bloat jostles it all in there.

I was surprised to wake shortly after 14:00.  It's good enough.  I'll check on the birds in a bit, change their water container wash the used one.  Hmm, not today, but... dig down so the tub is low enough for them to enter.  I don't think they would drown, if I will watch to make sure they can get out.  Yeah.  As cold as it is getting, I will only use it occasionally, and for part of the day.  I still can't believe it got that cool today.

A day of surprises already.  Later.

Stuck in a game for the moment.

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It isn't a great game.  I won't get it's ultimate prize for game completion as I won't do what is required.  Morality is real, even in a game.  Even so, I have not finished with the game to my satisfaction.  So... I continue to game.  The end, however, is nigh.  Then?  Then, as I suggested, something useful.

Have you ever...

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I find myself struggling.  Struggling to work.  Struggling to play.  Struggling to live.  I look for something or someone to blame.  Even myself.  At least until I can disengage, rest, sort feeling and thought.  I then realize it isn't anyone's fault.  The sheer weight of life and time.  I know I'm not the only one.  If I think it is happening to younger and younger people.  It seems more severe for the young?  Or was that always true.

An ugly night.

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I got to bed earlier but couldn't sleep.  I gave it two hours, then got up.  Back to gaming.  It is something.  I am thinking of crochet or knitting.  At least you have something when you are done, assuming you can get the hang of it.  Most games are politically correct garbage, preachy, stupid, and rigged on top of being useless.  The only way to rig knitting or crocheting would be to choose options outside the guidelines.  Dishrags to start, and it costs less than a new triple A game to get heavily set up, or lightly set up in each.

I did wake about 10:00.  A call I didn't take.  The nice thing about about having a phone in the wrong area code is that I know when I am being called by a fraudulent scammer.  They can't tell what code I am in.  Yet.  Anyway, I used it as an opportunity to open things up for the ducks.  It's a bright shiny day.  I'll change their water trough tomorrow, putting in the fresh, cleaning and drying the old one.

Is it getting darker?  I'll check shortly.  I may go to the post, or later?  A shower, laundry, the bathroom, and kitchen could all use some effort.  It's a matter of getting a start, on anything.  Ugh.

I see the Rep party hasn't kicked Kav to the curb yet.  Yes, they will, as with Judge Moore.  They just want to raise hopes they will do the right thing so as to quash more people's belief that this is still a just, right, lawful land.  At least they didn't let Cosby off too.  Now to go after the church and public schools.  There are real, and unreal.  Don't even think Kav has a chance.  If he does get in, it will be as a broken, limited, man... much as the chief justice.

As well, for me?  No wall.  Zerocare is still law.  No trust.  But that is why I stopped supporting Republicans.  All talk, or worse.  McCain is dead, Flake is flagging, but the bad women and others remain.  At least they have the excuse of lady parts.  Which is why most women don't vote for women.  Only really through force of conflicting confounding efforts ans subterfuge do women get elected.

Bleh.  Later.

Another slow day.

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No nap, as it turned out.  Sweat pants and shirt warmed me enough.  Should have added socks.  Summer house footwear will no longer work, less so if I have things to do.  Today, other than ducks, cats, and food, it was a day off.  Tomorrow, hopefully, a letter will be available to add to the rest of the paperwork to be sent.

The ducks had a regular day.  I think, rather than just stopping in, I'll begin using an outdoor chair and go in and set with them.  They haven't been taught about people, so it will take a bit more to imprint.  All good.  I just don't want them to fear me too greatly.  While making dinner I had cabbage trimmings.  I took those out.  I think they ate most of it.  I will chop such better from now on.

Kefir are moving along.  A bit slowly as it is just keeping at right under 70 in here.  It sounds warmer than it is.  At this altitude it is a good bit cooler than it might sound.  I decided to have cabbage and a potato for supper.  Remember how potatoes weren't troubling diabetes?  That has changed.  My blood sugar jumped 100.  I know it wasn't cabbage, butter, or volume consumed.  Damn.  Not sure if potatoes vary by when the are harvested, or my body is the variable that changed.  It has dropped 74 points, but it's still high.  I really have to go back to keto and fasting.

I'll also try to go to bed earlier.  That is easier, as it is getting dark so much faster.  Not just for the ducks, though there is that.  But for business and a few other things.  It sounds like an opportunity to help butcher chickens and turkeys may be fast approaching.  It is so much better than just watching a vid and trying myself from there.  I am told that they will be in charge, and demanding, but not to take anything personal.  Perfect!  That is how I learn best.  And is the best way to learn something as vital as food.  When it comes to the business of life... I'm good with hardtack.

I am thawing meat, since potatoes won't do.  I don't have all that much, but with eggs it should last.  A keto meatloaf togmorrow.  I'd love one of the last steaks for a while, won't be thawed... probably.  And more pork.  Soon.  Out of fresh veggies until payday, or much later actually.  I have to button down what isn't baked in.  Fresh meat and veggies are... a stretch for now.

Yeah.  I'll make it.  Later.

A bit of a struggle.

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Nothing too serious.  More that it seemed dark and felt a bit chill.  Waking took two tries, then warm pj's.  I need to at least have those ready, if not wearing them to bed.  And I need to add blankets.  At least one or the other.  I want to try to wake earlier to get the ducks fresh air and breakfast.  I'll work it for them as possible.  I find that I wake, and start my morning, much better if warm.

Two cups of food this morning, more later if they do well.  It's starting to look like right at two to three cups a day, and fresh water every three days.  Food alternates, two one day, three the next, basing it on what they ate.  If more remains, I don't feed again.  With a day or two to spare beyond, regarding water, using one water trough... if I will be filling it every day from now on, cleaning once or twice a week.  I wanted to see rough limits without taking it to the nubs.

I really want to open the hutch earlier.  I think they really enjoy it open.  I'd really like to get a secure run for them.  That has to wait.

Still drowsy.  Not eating much.  Should put on socks.  May still go nap.  Later.

It's the weather.

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It is at the beginning of my favorite weather, if rather cool for this early?  It is staying in the 60's outside, just broaching sub-70's inside.  The furnace is set at 66.  I should make sure it is actually on.  As singular as I seem I am far from alone.  Alarm clocks get set, lights are turned on and off, strange things happen, and when no one could have been involved.

I really do enjoy this weather.  I used to enjoy it right down to -20 F.  Not sure, with diabetes and heart stats being more controlled, whether that remains true.  Age might play a factor too?  It doesn't get toward the bottom edge of my preference range often.  If just not having even colder weather, sub -20, to sharpen my resistance may simply weaken it?

The good thing about where I live is that the weather is generally much more stable.  It drops ten to twenty a month, in a tiered downward trend.  The upward climb is the only serious period of chaos.  It might stay chill until it burns, or be smoother.  Sometimes spring is long, even to extending winter.  It's the only real uncertain season.

I have been checking on the ducks.  They are eating between two and three sixteen ounce cups of food a day.  They drink about a third of an eight gallon container per day.  I may use the big tub a couple times a week, if I can figure a platform for them to get in it.  With no ducklings, I don't think there is a drowning issue.

I took Sam in with me.  She... wasn't very happy.  No, I didn't put her in with the ducks, just carried her in while visiting.  Sam certainly won't bother them.  Especially as herd animals.  I hope the ducks don't bother her, if she... has means of escape and defense. I think Sam is abit old to try to make new sorts of friends.

I am hungry.  I just don't want to mess with it.  I don't have any meat thawed, and not much meat left.  Low on money, don't want to shop.  I think I'll go on to bed.  Soon?  It's been a good relaxing fall day.  Later or good night.

A good thing.

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Some days trash can go out after noon and still get picked up.  Not today.  Which is fine.  I didn't think I'd be awake this early, otherwise I might not have put it out.  The funny thing... it was the garbage truck, stopping to pick up trash, which woke me.  Further, it usually only wakes me if I didn't put the trash out.  I... it's funny to me.

The ducks have their coop opened, earlier today.  The actual goal is to open the coop as soon as the sun hits the ground, then to close it an hour before dusk.  Which is earlier than sunset.  Dusk and dawn are strange... birds.  A time, a moment, or a single instant?  Needs to be defined by the user for the listener or reader.  For me, day cracks or ends when day starts and stops being full sun.

Medicine has been taken.  First thing.  Several days of three water pills, to make sure I don't flood, drown.  That looks and feels good, no swelling or sense of wet lungs, if it can take a day or three for medicine taking failure to show up corporeally.  So, a bit of extra caution, extra pills.  Hmm, a fat coffee shortly.

Ah, to the post.  Hopefully for a signature and letter.  If I can get going.  Oh, but for some things, morning in greetings, there is more flexibility.  From 4:00 until 11:59, a good morning, or day, may be wished... with two caveats.  First, the well wish may depend on where you or I am, geographically.  The other is some leeway offered for when you or I actually wake.  Are your eyes watering from boredom yet?  Later.

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Focus.

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Or, rather, no focus.  Just could not pull it together.  Still, in the light dimly the efforts I could remember where completed.  I only need to take medicine, then go to bed.  Trash and recycling were set out, if it looks to be only a trash day.  So only trash went to the curb.  I checked on my fowl friends.  It looks like another piece of wood has been removed?  The ducks were calm, other than when I went in.  The panel being worked is too solid, other than a few sliver pieces, to yielding.  Glued, cross members glued, each panel and cross piece screwed with two wood screws as well.  There are two crosspieces, and both crosspieces and panels are full length.  Still, I worry.  A bit.

Milk kefir went in.  I now have mesh baskets, so as to keep the kefir colonies whole, inviolate.  At least the larger part of it.  I am hoping to see how well it really does multiply, and keep better track of the larger parts.  I am excited to see if this really works.  It should ease the process, no more rooting around, possibly tearing the colony apart.  Plus, just maybe, that mongo cauliflower sprig sized colony!

A last meal, which was just supper revisited... beans, burger, corn chips, sour cream, and salsa.  Plenty good, if probably a bit carby.  Ugh.

Yes and know, for paperwork.  I did the copy, in prep for filling the original.  It... should work out, make it easier to fill out when time.  The goal is to write a letter tomorrow, at the library so I can definitely print it.  Then send it priority plus requiring a signature to receive.  Can't play with these people.  Ought to get letters to my congressman and senator.  Not sure even Republicans care for us despicables anymore though.  Still, it's what I can do.

I... did some other things?  Anyway, nearly time to crash.  I'll check meds first, then some music to... come down a bit first.  Good night.

An easy day.

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I fed the ducks twice.  Checking their water, which remains plentiful if probably will need refilled... or exchanged and washed out... tomorrow first thing.  Visited them about four times?  I don't want them to only associate me with food.  Three weeks, inside, to get used to their new home.  I just talk with them, whistle a tune a bit, let them see and hear me.

I found a strange piece of wood detached from one of the windows.  No bite or claw marks that I could see, on the piece or from the window.  Not sure, but will be watching much more closely.  Can't get a fenced run together this month.  Perhaps not this year depending on other things.  I would sure like to, especially after that.  I just... don't like it.

I am brewing kefir water... bottled seven, reset the two half gallon jars.  Three days and I'll reset the big jars, pour another halfish dozen pop-top jars, and refrigerate today's run, which should be ready two or three days later.  Making healthy soda is a slow process.  I'd like to get dairy kefir going again, maybe yet tonight.  And sourdough again... though not that tonight... probably.  Ugh.

I've not been doing well with medication.  I've been missing days at a time.  I have limits.  Though my foster father often forgot his medication too.  My foster mother really had to push, if even then... taking medicine is difficult.  I am back on it.  I keep it right here, but if travelling, pushing to get in town with things to do, or completely drained from such, it is easy to forget.  Even without those things it can just get lost.

Ah, right, paperwork.  Then trash, recycling, that out, kefir and sourdough, then to bed?  I'll look the coop over while out.  Good night.

So very late.

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To bed.  Then to wake.  It wasn't because of heavy work, hard work... maybe too many projects?  The excitement, trepidation?  Maybe.  Like when learning to shift, keeping track of the feet, thus peddles, and stick, are clumsy as a system initially.  I'll get over it.  Need to feed the critters and open things up.

Trash, recycling at least out to the bin, and paperwork, beside feeding, is the plan for the day.  I made three copies.  I will fill out one copy, as practice and backup.  Then I will hit the original, sending that tomorrow, with a requirement that someone in their office has to sign for it.  I will also send letters to several politicians concerning the matter and continued harassment.

Other than that, maybe a shower, and possibly hitting the plants with diatomatious earth, that is all planned.  I need a little down time.  Then try to get back to things this week.  The kitchen and bathroom are good.  Still, want to finish them this week, paint a second coat on the roof accessible windows, build a front screen door for the coop... not sure about screening the windows to the coop?  Since the can be solidly closed at night, not sure it is needed?  I know nothing, if sort of like everybody else.  *smile*  Such really is life.

Later.

A twisting pirouette?

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I used this song so differently that when I saw it as a potential response I almost ignored.  She uses it much more rightly, literally.  As she would, if she did?  Who ever knows.  It... well... it is there, true, her, or not.  Just a gaslighter, spoiler.  Yeah, maybe.  Well played either, any, way.

Sweetcheeks was here.

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I actually thought I could smell her perfume earlier.  No, not some manmade contrivance, she wore no such thing.  She did have her own nutty, coffee, woman scent I always liked.  Actually, I smelled it yesterday "morning", last night, and then again this morning.  Initially I thought it might simply be my own mind.  If it was, it created a response.

I also suspect Drambue may have been involved.  And chocolate?  Hmm.  Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen...

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Let the quacking commence!

The ducks are home, their new home.  I did go with two drakes.  One of the two he liked best, of the three.  A ton of questions, some offers of future trade and help, and good business.  Paid and well.  I hated to see the other fella go home alone.  His fate is all but sealed.  And his whole brood just went away.  I know that well.

The watering system won approval.  The smaller door too.  The rest?  We'll see how it works out.  Watered, fed, nesting material in place, windows and the front, but not short door all open.  Will close it all by 18:00... If that time will scale back with the shortening of the day.  I'll just feed and check water when I feed the cats.  Can't just say girls anymore.

Oh, I might have been talked into meat turkeys next year?  We'll see.  I sure miss turkey.  Four would do me for the year,  say six to eight meat ducks, and about twenty chickens.  Though maybe a few extra for incidental attrition.  And... they prefer breast, while I am all about hinders, love some of that dark meat.  We may well trade portions.  I'll keep some, and some whole, but two thirds would be parted and trading available.

The ducks seem rather relaxed, at least on their own.  They still aren't sure about the ogre.  I'll spend time with them, get them used to me.  It'll work out.  Have yet to see how the cats and ducks work things out.  Should be fine.

Oh, as for cold brew coffee?  Hells yea.  Count me in.  I used an half gallon jar this time.  But mum sent two gallon jars she no longer uses.  I'll just use one at a time, essentially.  The other will be let fly when the first gets low.  Hand ground in conical burr, very course... which also means no grinds broke containment.  Yikes, was thinking I'd have to refilter.  Nope!  Later.

Awake.

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Shouldn't be.  Shouldn't be.  I am sure something woke me.  Heart wasn't racing, just unnaturally wakened.  It is what it is.

I am working on cold brew coffee.  Not sure if it really works.  It has to run until either 13:10 or 15:10... I wrote the time on tape I then put on the lid as I knew I would forget.  So tea this morning.  One really good thing about cold brew is that I will have a goodly amount on hand, as it lasts for weeks (or so it is told).  So that I won't feel compelled to drink a whole or even half pot in a day or two... brewed coffee gets too gnarly for even me in a few days, refrigerated or not.

I'd like to do that with tea, but I drink too much of that for a sixteen hour brewing cycle.  It's difficult enough to keep up.  As is I keep three half gallon jugs of the stuff, plus one in the repurposed coffee pot.  As soon as I burn through one jug, I start over immediately.  I am down to one and an half to two gallons a day, as the weather cools. Still, that is making three to four pots a day.  I... might try a pot of cold brewed tea, just to see.  Though I fear leaf tea usage might increase too terribly... not sure it is as reusable that way.

Tea sounds good.  And meds.  Later.

In a word?

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Everything.  Plus.  Had to drop coin, which is becoming sparse.  Had to spend on variations, in case.  Could be returned if they don't work out.  I set up the sprinklers for tonight.  I also need to clean the coop.  Not for a bit though, several hours down first.  I remembered cash, too, for milk... late on that... plus for ducks and feed.

Pleased.  Broke, or closer than years, but...  one small potential step closer to self sufficiency.  Next year, or the next, meat birds... perhaps.  Though not flocked, just a seasonal brood.  At least to start.  Chickens are probably easier to butcher, if I do hope to get to raising meat ducks.  I will keep the flocks separate, or at least meat from egg.  Perhaps three of them.  Only four ducks, and perhaps eight hens (hens for meat, or roosters? or does it matter... ducks or chickens?).

A strange little life.  It is what I  have left.  Later.

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A bit dark, but I got the coop ready.  If I wake early enough, perhaps more work in the morning.  I am excited and nervous.  I need to tie the feeding and watering to that of the girls.  No cats have been starved in the writing of this blog.  Still, it's different.  Outside, in all weather, trying to keep fresh water?  Yeah.

Only four hens, it turns out.  I'm just not sure if two drakes is one too many.  I may take two and hope.  If he raises more I would like to get two more hens.  Only another drake if I get more, but have to cull one I get now.  I'll just have duck breast dinner.  And, really, if I don't, he might have to anyway.  This would at least offer another drake a shot at life.  Plus, one drake to four hens and he might end up daffy.

The lawn has been watered, and the sideyard, with the veggies, is being hit.  I have found a setting on the variable sprinkler that works.

Later.  Perhaps good night.

Time to go.

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I'm not sure I can get everything done in town I wish, need, to do.  Today.  What has to happen is a watering trough, deep enough for them to clean their bills, shallow enough for them to enter and exit, perhaps with a minor ramp or stones around.  As well, copies of some blank paperwork.  Groceries, registration, and such, are if I can.

Blood sugar is odd.  It was 150 after dinner last night, 250 this morning.  I ate nothing, drinking only tea, taking care with the artificial sweetener.  Three to five drops for between a quart and two.  I really...  Yeah, I have some guesses as to maybe why.  I'll... do some checking, figure it out.  Might come down to dehydration of the fluid sweetener.

Being shaved and clean is good.  It's been a bit.  I'll keep at things, see what else can be done.  I need to clean the coop yet, and water the lawn.  Just a short run, tonight or tomorrow.  Maybe sprinkle grass seed.  Later.

I kept waiting.

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The idea was that I would post as soon as I did something, some  project or chore.  Which, technically, if negatively, is exactly what I did.  As I did nothing.  Couldn't.  I must simply have worn myself out.  Good, but not when I have a pile of things needing done.  It was as it was.

I was hoping to get to the post today. Wasn't sure that was possible.  Would have to be awake before noon.  My days are flipping.  No real control.  I speculated, if I could rise early enough, but not in time to shower, I would go as is.  I did wake in time to shower and shave, with time to spare.  Ugh but life can be murder sometimes.

Still tired and sore, if stiffness has passed.  Only two out of three, but that will serve it's humbling service.  I have other tasks, if the coop and a water trough, so also grocery shopping since I have to be there, are priorities.  Oh, and registration.  Anything else will be as it may.  Grass seed would be good, if I'll have to water more regularly for the short time left... more lightly in with the weakening sun.

The SS paperwork is in.   I'll have it ready by Monday, if I need copies, both pre and post being filled out.  This time registered post, where I can track and someone has to sign. I'm dealing with American haters working in the government.  Not sure even that will do.  Later.

I worked it.

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Up late for it.  Then couldn't turn the machine off until even later. It was past 3:00.  How much later I can't know.  The brain fused into a single fudgy ball of purple haze all along the watch tower.  Waking at noon thirty, and grateful for it.  Not feeling bad in the way I had been, mostly.  Though that may just be the new pains masking the old.  Stiff from that much activity, sore from sleeping so soundly.  All good.  Even if the new pain is enough to mask the old, novelty wins the day!  At this time it seems I am to suffer.  Variation is the spice of life, even in my world of pain.  Or... hot diggity dog!

Today?  Today!?!  You bastard!  I barely crawl out of my grave and... talk about beating a dead horse!  *grins*  A gas, all of it.  Uhrm, right.  Seriously, today, shower and shave, cleaning the inside of the coop.  Setting up the nests a bit, a bill to be paid, and maybe a trip to town.  Some minor shopping, grocery and cat treats.  Oh... registration, if... not that today.  Gah!  It's stupid, waking at noon.  Half the day is gone.  Ugh!

Well, perhaps a bite?  No, not yet.  I have to wake a bit .  Stiff, sore.  I think I've been wrung through an American coffee press.  More filter, done correctly, which it was, more slowly and grueling of a process.  Still?  Amen.  I do it as often as I can, if that doesn't mean much.  Then again, when I am not doing it to myself, my health is.  Just deserts?  Later.

Had to laugh.

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Someone intimated something, musically.  Not funny on it's own, backstory is.

Yeah, not bad.

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Dinner was excellent.  I did end up brining the pork as well as the chicken, for at least an hour.  It took a goodly longer time to finish, but offered more time to dither as to when it was really done.  The pork also took longer.  May have overdone the pork.  Chicken was as perfect, done inside, crispy out, as I can manage with those methods.  Pork is tricky.  Little fat in the meat, save for certain roasts.

I spoke with the duck man.  Fowl man, as he has several flocks of various sorts.  Anyway, Saturday, noonish, is the plan.  They are still unsure about the sexes.  If they make a mistake... too many drakes, one would have to be ended.  Though too few drakes and the one would go daffy trying to ride the herd and guard it.  Hopefully they will... have it down.  Two drakes, though five or six hens, is optimal... preferably six by two though.  He, or his lovely wife, picked up a starter feed batch for me.  Good to have that right off.  Much appreciated.

It gives me time finish.  Honestly, it is functionally complete.  Save for flooring and nesting material placement.  It just needs the last bit of cleaning.  The second door is more a luxury.  Oh, need a watering tub!  I won't be doing a pool quite this year.  By the time they leave their coop much, it will be early spring, late winter, save for supervised part day trips?  Will see.  It'll partly be up to them, too.

Ugh.  A few more tasks if I can't remember all that was done.  I hit the plants with more diatomatious earth.  Especially the new leaves.  I just knew, if I didn't, they'd be gone... soon.  I hit the soil well too.  That is were the little monsters escaped when caught.  I'll be done with them soon.

I also got my mortgage paid.  I just lost track.  So happy to have that.  I have a bill yet this month, and one overdue but payable next month.  Ugh.  Oh, and the lawn is being watered tonight.  Yikes but I fell behind with that.  I'll let it run for a good bit, move the sprinklers and get it all.  Yeah, mia culpa.

Yeah.  It has been a good day.  Tight.  Getting really tired.  Still have four to five hours, three to four?  Watering.  I'll... do it, and finish the scant dishes, fold the underquilts for next bedding change, and part the meat into serving sizes, wrap, and put up.  Ugh?  I think so, but I like a little ugh in my life, or big.

Ten bloody noses in the last four days.  At least half of them gushers.  Something is going on.  Dreams are just part of it.  Yeah.  Ugh.

Later or good night.

Quite a day.

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I was starting to become depressed.  Without counting, it seemed I was getting nowhere.  I... seemed to be working, it just... my list didn't seem to be getting shorter.  I kept at.  Finally I counted what I had done.  Four or five loads of laundry, all folded or awaiting hangers, save two mattress underquilts which have been murder to get dry, even when I finally did them alone each.  Grrrrrhhhh!

The last one is finishing, the other seems done... will check when I check her sister.  Have to be female, nothing else can be that damned fussy!  Then I finished a couple of loads of dishes and pots.  Three?  I think so.  All of them, really.  Next, grilling meat and some sort of last meal, uhrm, for the day.  I should brine the chicken... can't trust it these days.  An hour, according to my mother.

Yeah, I have been working.  If not too hard, rather fully through time.  Keeping busy.  I can't fault my actions, or even the dratted sisters, merely my flawed notion of time and what can practically be done in time.  I'm a time killer.  So, while I explore this side of things, I am bound to become befuddled by your strange, and truly unnatural, side of events.  Time isn't what it seems.  I don't play sudoku in five seconds because I am fast.  I do that when I remember what time is... a boundary given to man so that he might find God, in all that means, more readily.  Not all live in, or are as completely bound by it, as men.

My story.  Sticking to it.  Later, gator.

Marginally better.

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Which actually means much better, as the margins are across the board.  Still far too tired, but able to wake at 8:30.  The organs hurt a bit, but less, and that has almost eased away.  I am already planning work.  No promises but I think so.  I even called my mom.  All good.

Ah, work?  I have a few new spice jars.  New?  Well, unused.  They have been around for a while.  I just haven't washed them.  Those,  table wares and a pot from supper will be set up shortly.  I had canned veggies with butter for supper.  Blood sugar is still too high.  As well, I'll push the laundry through.  I did fold the other load.  As well, I want to clear and clean the coop, perhaps make a stab at installing a front screen door.  It would allow options.

Dreams, again.  One of travelling the world, if all I remembered was viewing or collecting catterpillars.  Of all sorts.  And remembering the environments in which they were found.  I would handle each, if it was safe for the creature and myself, some of them are lethally poisonous.  It was a wonderful dream.

The other dream was from a time I thought the world could be owned, and thought I wanted a slice of it.  Having a woman, a piece of this world, to gain control... if not an earthly king, then at least a prince.  I was doing it, going places.  Lost it all, one piece off the board, one space, one or more people at a time.  Still?  What I have learned, humbling, hard, as it has been... it will spare my soul.  Or, more, led me to a place were I found what will.  Gift or... more, less?  I can't know.

As with the dreams from the other videos, these were all from before an, if still simple, understanding of the divine, my walk with God.  I fear little, save the God formation process, now.  As much as I have suffered I know next to nothing of suffering in comparison, and that before His walk as Christ.  Thankfully I didn't just lose hubris, but in so doing lost my fear.  Or the lesser parts of it.  I do fear, but my God, Lord, not men.  If even that is an alternate form of the word.  It is as any son should fear his father.  Still disturbing, just not as before, when he who is like God was less a disgusted oath and more a sought path, as the Northwest Passage.  Are we supposed to seek that?  How can we know if we don't try?

There was another dream.  In it I was in the Navy.  We had captured crook-tyrants, including much plunder.  Several of us were in with it, before they secured it, and decided to take a bit.  I grabbed a couple  (ten, fifteen) pounds of gold, and what turned into nearly half a million just in bills (some foreign nations, oil states, have huge denominations... as the dream goes, not sure if real).  All of it fit in a smaller shave kit case.  We all agreed, if caught, we alone did it.

I got mine out, then hid it in the head (bathroom, for non sailors or marines).  Something about having pet mice, ending up with more small mice!  Textural, as with the catterpillars.  Anyway, I suspected I had nearly been caught hiding my stash, so... I figured I'd make sure to get caught, but with something else.

I bought an exact duplicate container.  In it I put cans of beer and a few pints of whisky.  I then exchanged them, but made sure I'd get caught with the other case.  It worked.  I eventually got away with my plunder.  A strange dream, for many reasons.  But there you go.  Three dreams remembered, on one night.

Later.

Feeling and doing better.

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The dishes, then more, and more yet.  A load of laundry through to going in the dryer, plus another washing.  Well, and a small load from the last efforts, to be folded.  No meat thawed.  Cleaned what I cooked in last, as it has the right sized steamer basket for cabbage.  That and butter.  I saw that I have bacon, eggs, and hot dogs.  Cabbage isn't enough.  Bacon and eggs, bacon dogs grilled, or the whole works?

Innards are feeling better.  I didn't, and haven't been, taking even aspirin.  If it is medicinal, or in part, perhaps it is better to hurt?  That was my thinking.  Then again, it isn't the liver or kidneys?  Could I tell with certainty?  I just don't wish to risk it.  Blood sugar is high, 191 after eating cabbage... two wedges, with butter.  I am counting drops of sweetener, five per quart, going without every other or two for three.  Ugh.

Pasta, too much, too frequently, too recently.  Meat thawing for the week.  Eating less and less often, hopefully fasting this weekend, if I can, and remember.  I am planning more stirfrying.  An easy, non-microwave way to use meats, with about any veggie.  And it's easier to add more fat.  Eggs are great for it as well.  I'll... keep at it.  Doing better than any trip return in... since I became ill.  Still rough.

Best get to the laundry, then food.  It'll still be intermittent fasting, if I hurry.  Later or good night.

Ah, the others.

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It wasn't a dream.  More than two.  Two vids will get you in the neighborhood.

Which dream of all is more disturbing I cannot rightly say.  Including her entering my shower.  For myself.  If I think, at this point in life, I know with which I am more comfortable.  I doubt if we are in agreement.  THese aren't exact, but will do quite enough.

Could not wake.

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Late.  It was 11:00 before I could pull myself out of bed.  Even then it was brutal, difficult.  If you have never been in a fight against three or four men, how my midsection feels wouldn't make sense to you.  Yeah, I've had to do that at least an half dozen times.  Not a choice.  I simply wouldn't go along to get along with crooks, creeps, or such.  Surprised I never ended up killing anyone, civilianside for sure.

My organs and torso were getting better.  Or so I thought.  Oh well.  I will work today.  Not a lot.  Dishes, laundry, and probably the cage shelving... or at least figuring that out.  A shave and shower too.  Will do, hurt or no.  Hungry too.  Thinking of trying something keto.  I'll wake for a couple hours, then hit it.

Oh, dreams.  I was taking a shower and my last barged in.  Damn, I forgot how pretty women are.  Sure, see them often, but haven't seen one in such a way for a while now. I ignore most women.  They seem mostly in the hookup market, not my gig.  Another dream, different, slipping away from memory's grasp.  If it returns I'll post it.

Later.