I have been asked to give a 25 to 30 minute speech, a witness really, to a men’s Catholic meeting. The meeting is March 7th-9th. I am not sure which day I will be called to profess, but I do know the topic. Of course, they would pick one completely out of my area of thought, that being self knowledge. Well, ok, a little tongue-in-cheek there. After having spent decades discerning my life in an attempt to find solutions, I am in good shape to begin the drafting process. Which, today, I have officially begun. We will be having 5 meetings, those of us giving a speech. I am not sure exactly what the groups will entail, but I have been lead to believe assistance and practice will occur. A relief, that, to be sure.
So far I have opened most of my life up and put it on file. I have a bit more to do, and there will be revisions. What I have not touched yet, is what that means. What has the calculator of life taught me, what do I know about myself from it, and is there a message to others. Do I have advice, explicit or implicit or even within the telling alone? I am not sure how I will do that. But, I have been thinking about this on the lead up to my writing. I have known that I would be doing this for several months now, and it has always been ticking back in the quiet parts of my mind. I am really hoping to pull this together into a fantastic piece. Perhaps my best piece, and maybe way out of my normal range. I would not do this for a class, it just is not my interest and in this case, too personal. Only in a work to glory God would I even attempt this, and to share perhaps inspire or assist my fellows. And, it will only be possible with assistance from the other men, certain others, and of course God.
The first of those meetings is the 13th of this month. I hope to have a full working draft and a second, heavily edited slightly polished writing by then. As well, I hope to have it done with a day or two remaining in order to give the speech out loud a few times, and in the mirror a few times.
By the way, this is not going to be easy. Beside not being an orator by choice, what I will be saying, and with what I am saying in mind who will be listening, is enough to really sober me on this. Imagine giving a speech on Victorian principles… to a NOW convention. Sinning, I have done that. I still do. I know and have done things that heard, burn the ears of sailors and marines, even my mother (I wish she read here more often, if she did not get in a snoot, she would enjoy this… flip a coin on that though). Not only will the room be filled with Catholic men, there will be priests present, and there will be nuns present. I will certainly take considerations from my fellow orators and the group leaders under advisement. I may verbally prepare the nuns, or enough that if they choose they may opt out. After having been to confession a time or two though, I am not so worried about the priests. I just hope they do not get bored and nap! In spite of the sobriety of the thing, I am finding places where humor just fits. I will just have to see if the humor actually works beyond the borders of my mind.
That was my day, in a nutshell. And my day is nearly done. Oh, laundry. A few more pieces and I am finished with that. Two things off my list, and a t-bone, potato with butter and sour cream (fat full), and buttered steamed brussels sprout dinner, with a fresh oven made bun which was buttered, salted, and flavored with garlic then warmed in the cooling oven, plus a big glass of whole milk. Nothing says happy like a belly full of real food. Ok, there is some debate there, but that is what I have. Oh, look at the time! I think it is… yep… beer thirty. Please excuse me while I debate the above, with what I have anyway.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Alien Versus Predator
I enjoyed the movie. It was not a fright flick, or a gore flick, really. In the simple view, it considered the lives of a small group of individuals who had to think fast or die. And the reality of it is, even a good choice could be the last. There was somewhat of a Hollywood ending, though it was not as free as most of their fairy tales. My guess, it still was not over. The kid brother is going to be a daddy, if they decide to go farther. Lots of spin from that, either they missed it in the evacuation physical because it was dormant, the military found it but wanted to play with it, you know, the usual suspects. They might even be original, somehow.
The closer view has nothing to do with the actors on the stage, the monsters are irrelevant and only look and act as they do in order to simplify the differentiation between aspects. The whole movie was about us, and I do not believe it was just about some of us. Of course, the way it was presented only appeals to some. The real story is about what is under our skin, namely the animal, the intellect, and the soul. In my take, the humans are the soul. Our soul here is weak here, battered by our mind and our instincts, or more what those lead us to do, be. The beast is the Alien, ravaging, raping, killing, and using, it does what it does without thought, though not unintelligently. It is beautiful in it’s nature and terrible in it’s truth. It is even innocent in it’s own way. The Predator is the master of it's flesh and surroundings using the mind along with a separation from soul. It thinks, plans, creates, and overcomes seemingly overwhelming situations with technology and confidence. It sees well what it does and does not care. It has not completely left it’s animal aspect behind, saving it as a last resource. It’s soul, however, is in some galactic disposal unit.
I see it so plainly for a simple reason. Those aspects within me have now become independently potent. On a day when I can get even two of those to function in conjunction, things can sort of get going. Those are rare days indeed but two out of three is not complete, nor am I on those days. I wear down as the battles rage. I consciously have decided which I will, it is the soul. Yet it is not in my hands. I lost my will when I died, one of the times, or when I walked away from the Navy against my will, or perhaps it was suicide which was the final blow to my control. As well, some things weakened me before the fall from grace, sort of like being weakened by a cold so then you cannot fight off influenza. I will never be sure what severed the link that binds the three, or even what activated them so... fully. I am working on re-integration. To get all three on board enough to become mobile would mean… In any case… The help I have received was spot on, except that it ignored the whole spiritual aspect. Science has failed in this way. It exemplifies the predator, and perhaps more, psychology is only a… weak science. A flawed weak science even in it’s own domain. But that it is devoid of religion and that certainty makes it impotent to any but the most domesticated socialized of those among us. A priestly psychologist who specializes in my, urhm, affliction might be able to help. However, I doubt if they are even allowed into the field, at least without being stripped of God. Hmm, I had not considered such a thing until now…
Oh, the other thing about the movie… It is based where I am planning to move, that city and state. Yes, it is a real place. I hate when that happens. Or, I guess I do not. It was just, odd.
Update:
I rented two movies I had meant to see, on my way home. I just could not function to get to the theaters. One is 'Skin Walkers' the other is 'The Reaping'. There was another one I had actually intended to rent, but my mind completely blanked. Something about an Indian raised Viking. I plan to see Beowulf (a childhood favorite) and 'No Country for Old Men'. The last of those I will hold off seeing until a friend decides whether he will go. He, as a personal rule, does not attend R movies unless they have some significance. He is an English grad student, and is aware of the author, so... maybe. I am trying to gear up and get going a bit. I love the movies, and have missed many I wanted to see. So, I suppose I will combine the two and get the threefer, somehow.
Update:
I awoke very late today, rolling out of the rack at 14:00, and moving slow. I stayed up and watched the movies until nearly 6:00. Well, that and I was running some checks on my computer.
Skin Walker was a movie I am grateful I did not spend money watching in the theater (though I had some suspicions even then, and planned to catch the dvd). If you want to see a good werewolf and vampire flick, watch Underworld (I is good, II is very good). I made a mistake with Underworld I, and did not see it in the theaters... my bad. Back to Skin Walker... The acting, directing, story, plot... just did not exist. I really wonder if that was a $10k college, high school, or biker gang developed movie. The transformations from human to beast will set back my notions of that myth for a long time, sadly. Some things just cannot be unseen. Even the werewolf forms, after the transformations, were poor. And I have read better stories, much better stories, written by elementary students. There was no subtlety, no intrigue, poor detail... I really could keep going, but why? Watch it if you have absolutely nothing to do but kill time and do not care how.
The Reaping was at least interesting. It was not a great movie, or even a good movie. Far better than Skin Walkers, however. And, not something I regret watching. My real complaint is that it could have been done a great deal better. There is a plot, the story is not bad at all (though devoid of the detail it could have had, and really for which it was primed), acting and directing were decent, though the camera takes were a bit weak. Filming and detail where areas the movie fell down hard, though aspects of the ending were also rather lame. The characters are fairly real and likable, well done, and not too badly acted. They could have really pushed the envelope on this, but it looks like they started out with a great thing and then... just did it fast, on a budget, then dumped it into the theater. It has it's moments, it is interesting, it is worth watching on a slow day which you wish to keep slow. Oh, and a definite plus for the movie was that, though it's take on Christianity and faith are not quite my ideal, if you bear with it for a bit, it is rewarding. I was very surprised, and pleased, with the portrayal of this aspect of the movie, for the most part. It is as good as you get, in theaters anyway.
The closer view has nothing to do with the actors on the stage, the monsters are irrelevant and only look and act as they do in order to simplify the differentiation between aspects. The whole movie was about us, and I do not believe it was just about some of us. Of course, the way it was presented only appeals to some. The real story is about what is under our skin, namely the animal, the intellect, and the soul. In my take, the humans are the soul. Our soul here is weak here, battered by our mind and our instincts, or more what those lead us to do, be. The beast is the Alien, ravaging, raping, killing, and using, it does what it does without thought, though not unintelligently. It is beautiful in it’s nature and terrible in it’s truth. It is even innocent in it’s own way. The Predator is the master of it's flesh and surroundings using the mind along with a separation from soul. It thinks, plans, creates, and overcomes seemingly overwhelming situations with technology and confidence. It sees well what it does and does not care. It has not completely left it’s animal aspect behind, saving it as a last resource. It’s soul, however, is in some galactic disposal unit.
I see it so plainly for a simple reason. Those aspects within me have now become independently potent. On a day when I can get even two of those to function in conjunction, things can sort of get going. Those are rare days indeed but two out of three is not complete, nor am I on those days. I wear down as the battles rage. I consciously have decided which I will, it is the soul. Yet it is not in my hands. I lost my will when I died, one of the times, or when I walked away from the Navy against my will, or perhaps it was suicide which was the final blow to my control. As well, some things weakened me before the fall from grace, sort of like being weakened by a cold so then you cannot fight off influenza. I will never be sure what severed the link that binds the three, or even what activated them so... fully. I am working on re-integration. To get all three on board enough to become mobile would mean… In any case… The help I have received was spot on, except that it ignored the whole spiritual aspect. Science has failed in this way. It exemplifies the predator, and perhaps more, psychology is only a… weak science. A flawed weak science even in it’s own domain. But that it is devoid of religion and that certainty makes it impotent to any but the most domesticated socialized of those among us. A priestly psychologist who specializes in my, urhm, affliction might be able to help. However, I doubt if they are even allowed into the field, at least without being stripped of God. Hmm, I had not considered such a thing until now…
Oh, the other thing about the movie… It is based where I am planning to move, that city and state. Yes, it is a real place. I hate when that happens. Or, I guess I do not. It was just, odd.
Update:
I rented two movies I had meant to see, on my way home. I just could not function to get to the theaters. One is 'Skin Walkers' the other is 'The Reaping'. There was another one I had actually intended to rent, but my mind completely blanked. Something about an Indian raised Viking. I plan to see Beowulf (a childhood favorite) and 'No Country for Old Men'. The last of those I will hold off seeing until a friend decides whether he will go. He, as a personal rule, does not attend R movies unless they have some significance. He is an English grad student, and is aware of the author, so... maybe. I am trying to gear up and get going a bit. I love the movies, and have missed many I wanted to see. So, I suppose I will combine the two and get the threefer, somehow.
Update:
I awoke very late today, rolling out of the rack at 14:00, and moving slow. I stayed up and watched the movies until nearly 6:00. Well, that and I was running some checks on my computer.
Skin Walker was a movie I am grateful I did not spend money watching in the theater (though I had some suspicions even then, and planned to catch the dvd). If you want to see a good werewolf and vampire flick, watch Underworld (I is good, II is very good). I made a mistake with Underworld I, and did not see it in the theaters... my bad. Back to Skin Walker... The acting, directing, story, plot... just did not exist. I really wonder if that was a $10k college, high school, or biker gang developed movie. The transformations from human to beast will set back my notions of that myth for a long time, sadly. Some things just cannot be unseen. Even the werewolf forms, after the transformations, were poor. And I have read better stories, much better stories, written by elementary students. There was no subtlety, no intrigue, poor detail... I really could keep going, but why? Watch it if you have absolutely nothing to do but kill time and do not care how.
The Reaping was at least interesting. It was not a great movie, or even a good movie. Far better than Skin Walkers, however. And, not something I regret watching. My real complaint is that it could have been done a great deal better. There is a plot, the story is not bad at all (though devoid of the detail it could have had, and really for which it was primed), acting and directing were decent, though the camera takes were a bit weak. Filming and detail where areas the movie fell down hard, though aspects of the ending were also rather lame. The characters are fairly real and likable, well done, and not too badly acted. They could have really pushed the envelope on this, but it looks like they started out with a great thing and then... just did it fast, on a budget, then dumped it into the theater. It has it's moments, it is interesting, it is worth watching on a slow day which you wish to keep slow. Oh, and a definite plus for the movie was that, though it's take on Christianity and faith are not quite my ideal, if you bear with it for a bit, it is rewarding. I was very surprised, and pleased, with the portrayal of this aspect of the movie, for the most part. It is as good as you get, in theaters anyway.
Up well before noon!
Well, it sounded good. It actually is typical, rising from 8:00 to 10:00 am at the latest is the norm, not an exception. I am trying to get to waking earlier however, just because. No, actually because it would be good to start swimming occasionally and that means out of the bunk by 5:30 am. Someone hit me with something hard, something that will not break. I am indeed hardheaded and would hate to punish you for doing me a favor through your personal loss.
I did dream, but I do not remember. I am still hoping to add popcorn. Yeah, it is a bit odd, but nothing says horror or drama like popcorn. What an easy life I lead now. In my various reviews of history, I realize I live better than the kings from all of history up to, perhaps, 1910, maybe as far as the 1950’s. Air conditioning, plenty of good quality food, better cold weather clothing, better warm weather clothing, faster more reliable more functional transportation, immediate communication (if I want it), access to more libraries of knowledge than all the academics in the world could use singularly in a life-time, and an education system which if flawed is better than the crony system of even the 1940’s and 1950’s going back through almost all of time. And, if you think kings were much more free than their peasants, you might not understand the nature of the thing. They were, for the most part, nearly as tacked down, nailed in, and limited as the next guy, sometimes more so. What is gold if your hand is stayed, what are jewels if your words are written for you by people you do not know trust or understand, what is a castle or mansion devoid of the room to enjoy, entertain freely, and love?
Anyway, I am looking at my list. As usual, it is looking back. It is yet to be decided which of us will win. Stupid paper. Oh, I am still in a bit of a foul mood. When I am forced to quit sleeping, it can happen. But it is still a stupid paper.
I did dream, but I do not remember. I am still hoping to add popcorn. Yeah, it is a bit odd, but nothing says horror or drama like popcorn. What an easy life I lead now. In my various reviews of history, I realize I live better than the kings from all of history up to, perhaps, 1910, maybe as far as the 1950’s. Air conditioning, plenty of good quality food, better cold weather clothing, better warm weather clothing, faster more reliable more functional transportation, immediate communication (if I want it), access to more libraries of knowledge than all the academics in the world could use singularly in a life-time, and an education system which if flawed is better than the crony system of even the 1940’s and 1950’s going back through almost all of time. And, if you think kings were much more free than their peasants, you might not understand the nature of the thing. They were, for the most part, nearly as tacked down, nailed in, and limited as the next guy, sometimes more so. What is gold if your hand is stayed, what are jewels if your words are written for you by people you do not know trust or understand, what is a castle or mansion devoid of the room to enjoy, entertain freely, and love?
Anyway, I am looking at my list. As usual, it is looking back. It is yet to be decided which of us will win. Stupid paper. Oh, I am still in a bit of a foul mood. When I am forced to quit sleeping, it can happen. But it is still a stupid paper.
Not bad, for a day.
Though I did not get one of my primary goals completed, I did the other things I thought I might get done and some extra items checked off of my list. I just cannot seem to get my revving engine to move the wheels. It is frustrating. I am not sure what it will take to make the world and myself fit. I try, I want it, I succeed for moments, then… nap time. I can force it for moments, but I pay.
It does take me a bit to reacclimate to my surroundings. Whether I visit my Mom, go on a trip, or return home. Wherever I am is where I am lost until I am found again. Of course, in times of need or demand, there is an aspect which takes over and just gets things done. And, again, there is a price to be paid. At least it gets things done well and works until the price can be paid.
It is about bedtime and I am ready. I wonder where I will go or what I will be doing tonight. Hopefully a good nightmare, and not a rerun. I can change those, I am going to try and add popcorn the next chance I get. Really, I am. I will let you know if it works. Plus, it will be real butter and lots of it without any worry regarding health. Might as well get a huge soda too. Goodnight.
It does take me a bit to reacclimate to my surroundings. Whether I visit my Mom, go on a trip, or return home. Wherever I am is where I am lost until I am found again. Of course, in times of need or demand, there is an aspect which takes over and just gets things done. And, again, there is a price to be paid. At least it gets things done well and works until the price can be paid.
It is about bedtime and I am ready. I wonder where I will go or what I will be doing tonight. Hopefully a good nightmare, and not a rerun. I can change those, I am going to try and add popcorn the next chance I get. Really, I am. I will let you know if it works. Plus, it will be real butter and lots of it without any worry regarding health. Might as well get a huge soda too. Goodnight.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Peace
A friend most recently blogged regarding the term and her take on the notion and it’s ideals and notional surrounds. I have considered commenting, yet have stayed my hand. I have written three, four, maybe five responses then deleted them. I think I have read her well, and I think I have some small understanding of her notions, but my comments seem to drift and I seem to be unable to say precisely succinctly briefly that which I think, and stay on track within the topic as she has set it. She started it. ---> Cruel Virgin
Peace, as with many words, more terms, have haunted me for many years. I remember, even as a child, letting specific words surround me, swallow me, infuse my thoughts, and guide me to meaning. It was not the “big words” such as tenacious, collaborative, or mitochondrial. Those words are like nails, you learn them, then drive them into specific places in the sentence like a nail holding a picture to a wall. Neither did the neat words as whit, specious, or phalanx, which though they catch my fancy, enthrall me, dance with me, and whisper their secrets. I still enjoy those other aspects of language, yet they are mundane. It was terms like peace, happiness, love, and joy which called me to enjoin their mockery of human understanding. Age has not changed this fascination.
This construct of letters, vowels and consonants, can quite easily be understood. A dictionary will provide some basic understanding. Churches and gatherings, holidays, and celebrations, people, and even animals seem to be able to add distinct designs to the word. Yet, as it seems with her, I think the finer and major points are misunderstood. People do not understand peace. As well, I may be far off and I certainly am biased. I thought to try to encapsulate my thoughts and express my understanding in any case.
Peace is not an idea, an emotion, or a simple state. It is a state of nature, a nature that cannot be known for more than moments and probably not fully then. It is an unchanging state which does exist somehow, somewhere, or we would not even have a term to describe it. It is a surety of nature, self, and all which allows the fullness of existence in truth, love, and knowledge. It cannot be known for many reasons, here, now. We age, we die, those around us fail, cheat, and die, and the world itself changes. We cannot be sure of the rest of today and tomorrow is only a strong suspicion based on the number of yesterdays, until we reach a point where the number of yesterdays only adds to our uncertainty. As we cannot know infinity, in a personal singular human manner, we cannot know peace.
I also see that war often yields a peace which diplomacy never may. Mitigation yields, gives a voice to those who all know do not deserve to be heard, and abides this evil so that it might have this good. War does not compromise with what the victors see as evil. It does not give and take. It commands and then makes that command real. And, though there may be lies in various aspect of war as we know it, the function of war is the truth. One way or another, war will separate those who will know peace, from those who only think they want it but will not pay the price and those who do not want peace.
Still, when people wish me peace, I accept it. The more sincere the person, the better I know the well-wisher, how well the person understands that which they offer, and the reason for the wish all sum to the strength or weakness of the gift. As well, I do not doubt those who wish for peace, or even those who work for it. I am sure they have their purposes, and their walk is their own. I just, for myself, do not believe peace can ever be found here and to lose one’s self in such a pursuit is to turn from the real peace that exists. I will not worry about peace here, I know where it is and I know I will find it. I know too, I do not deserve it. More than that, I really cannot say.
Peace, as with many words, more terms, have haunted me for many years. I remember, even as a child, letting specific words surround me, swallow me, infuse my thoughts, and guide me to meaning. It was not the “big words” such as tenacious, collaborative, or mitochondrial. Those words are like nails, you learn them, then drive them into specific places in the sentence like a nail holding a picture to a wall. Neither did the neat words as whit, specious, or phalanx, which though they catch my fancy, enthrall me, dance with me, and whisper their secrets. I still enjoy those other aspects of language, yet they are mundane. It was terms like peace, happiness, love, and joy which called me to enjoin their mockery of human understanding. Age has not changed this fascination.
This construct of letters, vowels and consonants, can quite easily be understood. A dictionary will provide some basic understanding. Churches and gatherings, holidays, and celebrations, people, and even animals seem to be able to add distinct designs to the word. Yet, as it seems with her, I think the finer and major points are misunderstood. People do not understand peace. As well, I may be far off and I certainly am biased. I thought to try to encapsulate my thoughts and express my understanding in any case.
Peace is not an idea, an emotion, or a simple state. It is a state of nature, a nature that cannot be known for more than moments and probably not fully then. It is an unchanging state which does exist somehow, somewhere, or we would not even have a term to describe it. It is a surety of nature, self, and all which allows the fullness of existence in truth, love, and knowledge. It cannot be known for many reasons, here, now. We age, we die, those around us fail, cheat, and die, and the world itself changes. We cannot be sure of the rest of today and tomorrow is only a strong suspicion based on the number of yesterdays, until we reach a point where the number of yesterdays only adds to our uncertainty. As we cannot know infinity, in a personal singular human manner, we cannot know peace.
I also see that war often yields a peace which diplomacy never may. Mitigation yields, gives a voice to those who all know do not deserve to be heard, and abides this evil so that it might have this good. War does not compromise with what the victors see as evil. It does not give and take. It commands and then makes that command real. And, though there may be lies in various aspect of war as we know it, the function of war is the truth. One way or another, war will separate those who will know peace, from those who only think they want it but will not pay the price and those who do not want peace.
Still, when people wish me peace, I accept it. The more sincere the person, the better I know the well-wisher, how well the person understands that which they offer, and the reason for the wish all sum to the strength or weakness of the gift. As well, I do not doubt those who wish for peace, or even those who work for it. I am sure they have their purposes, and their walk is their own. I just, for myself, do not believe peace can ever be found here and to lose one’s self in such a pursuit is to turn from the real peace that exists. I will not worry about peace here, I know where it is and I know I will find it. I know too, I do not deserve it. More than that, I really cannot say.
I have to get going! Help!?!
Ok, I have been home for days. I looked over what I need to do, and it looked back. It looked like too much, so I pared the list down to size and made it practical then jumped up and… grabbed a soda and then sat back down to look at this screen again. My butt is dragging and a little sore from sitting, but my notions and intent are in high gear, something has to give. School starts the 9th, I need to talk to my academic advisor on the 8th, I need to get my paperwork from the UoI to him by then, I need to contact my friends about shooting and hunting, I have to get groceries, I am trying to make a few other assorted contacts, and I would like to sort some things out here at the apartment. Well, or not. Ha.
Oh, no one was in my place while I was gone. My computer is still infested, but I think until I get a different configuration (at least a router, perhaps a change in ISP, maybe a different OS, and in last but not least worrisome maybe a new computer), I think no matter what I do, I will be hacked again and quickly as is. Someone either likes or does not like me. It seems more like a watcher than nefarious thief or computer user, but that is worse in it’s own way. I could NOT be that interesting. Whoever it is must be a freak or board stiff.
Oh, I did not write this about this as I had intended. When I was at my Mom’s place and helped her clean her room I got a little surprise. I spent a day moving furniture, scrubbing walls (she’s a smoker) and ceilings, and such. It was quite a chore, using every muscle, extended as far as I could reach or scrunched and tucked to get into an odd position to move old heavy dressers on carpeting without wheels or here pain in the butt to move bed, move them back, adjust them, rearrange them… I did say my Mom is a woman right… My surprise was in scrubbing the ceiling and higher on the walls, moving furniture solo, and doing odd sundry, I was not sore. Not that day, not the next, not the third day. Now, we only did that room. I felt bad, but we ran out of time and energy. I was tired for a day, just not in pain, weird. I wonder if the dreams somehow keep me a bit more fit? It makes me wonder about what I can do, if I can find a way to do it. Remember, I do almost nothing. An occasional hunt, an occasional hike, school two classes a week, and groceries shopping, that is it. And, this last 6 months is more active than I have been for four years, aided by medicine as I am.
Ok, I really have to get going. Dratted tasks are hounding me and I think I ducked into the last place I could go for the last time. I need to make a list, take a shower, have some coffee, and move!!! Go, Go, Go!
Update:
I created a list, completed several tasks, and I am working on three more tasks to be checked before I rest, maybe four. I am still dragging butt, just not quite as slowly. Just in case you think I did what I thought I was going to do... nothing. :p
Oh, no one was in my place while I was gone. My computer is still infested, but I think until I get a different configuration (at least a router, perhaps a change in ISP, maybe a different OS, and in last but not least worrisome maybe a new computer), I think no matter what I do, I will be hacked again and quickly as is. Someone either likes or does not like me. It seems more like a watcher than nefarious thief or computer user, but that is worse in it’s own way. I could NOT be that interesting. Whoever it is must be a freak or board stiff.
Oh, I did not write this about this as I had intended. When I was at my Mom’s place and helped her clean her room I got a little surprise. I spent a day moving furniture, scrubbing walls (she’s a smoker) and ceilings, and such. It was quite a chore, using every muscle, extended as far as I could reach or scrunched and tucked to get into an odd position to move old heavy dressers on carpeting without wheels or here pain in the butt to move bed, move them back, adjust them, rearrange them… I did say my Mom is a woman right… My surprise was in scrubbing the ceiling and higher on the walls, moving furniture solo, and doing odd sundry, I was not sore. Not that day, not the next, not the third day. Now, we only did that room. I felt bad, but we ran out of time and energy. I was tired for a day, just not in pain, weird. I wonder if the dreams somehow keep me a bit more fit? It makes me wonder about what I can do, if I can find a way to do it. Remember, I do almost nothing. An occasional hunt, an occasional hike, school two classes a week, and groceries shopping, that is it. And, this last 6 months is more active than I have been for four years, aided by medicine as I am.
Ok, I really have to get going. Dratted tasks are hounding me and I think I ducked into the last place I could go for the last time. I need to make a list, take a shower, have some coffee, and move!!! Go, Go, Go!
Update:
I created a list, completed several tasks, and I am working on three more tasks to be checked before I rest, maybe four. I am still dragging butt, just not quite as slowly. Just in case you think I did what I thought I was going to do... nothing. :p
Slamming Iowa?
Hey, watch that. Well, not really. Iowa has some good traits, as a state. If you like hunting and fishing, if you want to find a fantastic state to raise a family, if you still insist on public schools and want a better education for your children, this could be the place. Do not expect to get wealthy working here. California, New York, maybe Chicago are the places to go if you have the grit, Minneapolis if you are a techy, there you will find wealth and of course greater expense (plus crime, grime, slime, and prison schools into which you may imprison your soon to be criminal brats if you go public school). However, if you had any notion that Iowa does anything for a candidate, except perhaps to show a few zeros the door, you are mistaken.
I cannot remember the last time Iowa voters picked a winner. I am pretty sure, beyond that, our voting does not even act as a reverse indicator, or show probability of electability in any way (though at least as good as the NYTs), or really anything but put random numbers to random faces meaning less than nothing. Heck, we do not even kick out those zeros, they just run out of money trying to convince us to put their name on the boards near some useless numbers. I stopped taking Iowa seriously, regarding this, before I was old enough to vote!
So, kick the state if you want. But it is a little like hating a pig because it does not produce beef, or milk, or honey. Pigs do not produce anything but pork product and a really foul smelling muck not unlike modern liberalism, though fowl are more foul, must be pure socialists or communists. In any case, sour grapes about your chosen candidate’s standing is a personal problem. And, if you look at the thing correctly and your candidate did not do very well but also did not zero, be happy. This means your candidate actually has a chance. Let the “winners” gloat, they will be sucking sour eggs, with or without ham, green or otherwise, shortly. Osama will become, well, there you go. And Huck-a-who? will become… I cannot recall at the moment.
But cut the whining. Gees Louise already. Oh, and Paul still sucks.
I cannot remember the last time Iowa voters picked a winner. I am pretty sure, beyond that, our voting does not even act as a reverse indicator, or show probability of electability in any way (though at least as good as the NYTs), or really anything but put random numbers to random faces meaning less than nothing. Heck, we do not even kick out those zeros, they just run out of money trying to convince us to put their name on the boards near some useless numbers. I stopped taking Iowa seriously, regarding this, before I was old enough to vote!
So, kick the state if you want. But it is a little like hating a pig because it does not produce beef, or milk, or honey. Pigs do not produce anything but pork product and a really foul smelling muck not unlike modern liberalism, though fowl are more foul, must be pure socialists or communists. In any case, sour grapes about your chosen candidate’s standing is a personal problem. And, if you look at the thing correctly and your candidate did not do very well but also did not zero, be happy. This means your candidate actually has a chance. Let the “winners” gloat, they will be sucking sour eggs, with or without ham, green or otherwise, shortly. Osama will become, well, there you go. And Huck-a-who? will become… I cannot recall at the moment.
But cut the whining. Gees Louise already. Oh, and Paul still sucks.
Staying warm, it is not a trick.
Living in Iowa, where 20 below zero is not even uncommon and I have seen 80 below with windchill, staying warm is something that I, of course, have always considered. However, my training was based merely on doing what I was told and then copying that behavior from that point on. As I have investigated the outdoors, for hunting, fishing, and sports, I have been re-examining my practices. Here are some of the pieces of knowledge I have now or am just collecting.
Staying warm, even in very cold temperatures, for very short periods of time, is relatively simple. The way I was taught was to bundle up. It works, but much less efficiently than could be accomplished, and with several problems. Mobility often becomes limited, the duration of exposure is rather limited, and the wrong materials in the wrong places can be more harmful than helpful, sometimes they can be extremely dangerous. Bundling up, to some degree, is the way to go. If done correctly, with the right materials, mobility and length of exposure can both be greatly enhanced. Rather than barely being able to walk, open a vehicle door and get in, or hop into a bus, one can move nearly as effortlessly as wearing lined jeans (a poor choice, save for dry fall days by the way). As well, sub-zero, and on down to 40 and 50 degree below zero, or lower, temperatures can be withstood for hours, perhaps days, with the right clothing and behavior.
Currently, I am experimenting with long underwear made from three different materials, silk, wool, and polypropylene. I do not always layer three deep. At this point, I go mainly by my sense of the cold, how long I expect to be out, and what I will be doing. Standing in the cold, say fishing or on certain hunting trips require the triple threat as I call it. When layering thick for long periods and low activity, I first add silk longs, then wool longs, then polypropylene longs and snow pants. If it will be more active and it is a warmer day, I will remove the polypropylene. And that leaves active colder days to silk then polypropylene baselayers.
For socks, I always wear wool (winter or summer). In the summer, of course, I wear thinner versions. Surprisingly, wool is cooler in the summer than cotton or other materials. Needless to say, it is warmer in the winter. As well, foot odor is greatly reduced and my socks do not get soggy. I have tried many brands. Most wool socks wear out quickly, become ill fitting in short order, and some even itch. I prefer Smartwool, though there may be other brands which work well (I have not tried Coolmax, for example). My first purchase of six pair of Smartwool socks have lasted 4 years (and going). I buy a few pair each time they are on sale (real sale), thinking the older socks must be about ready to give out. So far, not a pair has failed or developed holes. I do have silk sock liners which I use depending on the weather.
As well, good boots are the only way to go. Tennis shoes, even non-insulated hiking boots, will not take you far in serious weather. I have a winter pair of boots, water-proof, wind-proof, excellent traction even on ice, and high enough to cover my pants to mid shin. At times, I do wear other types of footwear, when appropriate or just for a change. I have hiking boots I like to wear if I will not be out long. I also have a decent pair of oxfords, for nicer occasions and just for going from the house to car and such. Both are leather, both have been water-proofed, and both are kept polished, water-proofed, and clean.
I have several pair of thicker winter gloves. A pair for dress, a pair for work, a hunting pair, and several odd pairs. I have silk and wool glove liners, which really help on the coldest of days. As I get into outdoor winter sports, I may consider a set of mittens. Mittens are warmer, but do not allow much in the way of manual dexterity. I have seen the tricky open-up-and-shoot mittens, but paint me a doubter. I may end up, in time, trying a pair and comparing it to standard mittens. In any case, mittens should be just fine, and better than gloves by far, for handling ski or snowshoe poles. I also have tried a standard baklava. Though it helped a bit, I just do not like the one I have. It covers the mouth, steams the glasses, but it is camouflage. I am looking at other headgear, to include heat-exchange baklavas, wool watch caps, and some other items.
For outerwear, I stick with Gore-Tex. I am sure there are other water-proofing brands and techniques which are quite adequate. But from my circle of associates, my own testing, and my money, it is what I use. I have several for both insulated winter and non-insulated easy season water-proof pants. At this time, I actually do not use a full parka. I generally layer, add a thick wool sweater, and sometimes add a shirt between the layers and the sweater. On top of that I add a water-proof wind-proof jacket (shell), sometimes adding a water-proof wind-proof down vest. It is mostly experimental at this time, but I do have the right equipment, it is just a matter of learning to know how best to use what I have ahead of an outing.
Wool and silk are both comfortable, able to absorb sweat, do not hold odor as much as other materials, are less bulky, dry quickly, and allow the body to breath, but they are expensive and I would guess they will wear more quickly. Polypropylene is inexpensive, easily maintained, and dries quickly, though it has more odor related problems and it is less indicated if one is prone to rashes, so I prefer it as an outer layer. Down is excellent as an insulator, if you can keep it dry. If your goal is to go outside and come back all in a day, or you are sure you will stay dry, down is an excellent choice. Something to consider with any materials you might select is how to care for them. All of my items are machine washable (save some sweaters). There are special cleaners and treatments for silk, wool, waterproof materials, and down. Look for them, they will keep your materials top, and extend wear and intended use.
This year is my first to put much of this learning together for use, in congregate. I have been out for various short trips, doing the odd chores that winter requires, and experimenting. I hope to find a place to rent skis and take cross country lessons, so that on the days I need to get out for school anyway, I might take some ski lessons (or snow shoe lessons) before-hand, as money allows. I also have a few hunting sessions in the offing, some of which might require just a little target practice (a lot, as I am trying to settle on the right slug or sabot for my shotgun and I need to get some clay practice in as well). So, I should be able to get a better idea of what is needed personally, and when.
I have not been going out enough to begin practicing behavior yet, but I will pass on some of the advice I have received. Frequent warm meals, higher fat and higher calorie foods (chocolate, nuts, meats), carbs, warm drinks (coffee, cocoa, soup), and plenty of water are all helpful and at times vital. Paying attention to one’s perceptions. If it is cold, perhaps moving around or eating or drinking something warm would work. If you are hot, open a vent in your pants if you have that, take off the vest, slow down a bit, or drink some water. All this seems to be common sense, but do not count on common sense in freezing cold temperatures. You might not have that in you, plan ahead and know what you should and can do. Some other things to consider, if you work a great deal and work up a sweat (not advised though sometimes not an option), walk it off. Allow the sweat to evaporate more than a little. Your skin needs to be dry before you risk sitting (and thus cooling off very quickly). In more extreme cases, that can easily be fatal. Make sure someone knows where you are, and when you will be back, like all outdoor events. And think before you act. Building a snow man in the back forties might seem neat, but when one finds themself wet, without a change of clothes, and have a ten mile march in a cooling afternoon or much colder and cooling even faster evening, you might be in trouble.
Now, go out and freeze your butt off! Tell them I sent you.
Staying warm, even in very cold temperatures, for very short periods of time, is relatively simple. The way I was taught was to bundle up. It works, but much less efficiently than could be accomplished, and with several problems. Mobility often becomes limited, the duration of exposure is rather limited, and the wrong materials in the wrong places can be more harmful than helpful, sometimes they can be extremely dangerous. Bundling up, to some degree, is the way to go. If done correctly, with the right materials, mobility and length of exposure can both be greatly enhanced. Rather than barely being able to walk, open a vehicle door and get in, or hop into a bus, one can move nearly as effortlessly as wearing lined jeans (a poor choice, save for dry fall days by the way). As well, sub-zero, and on down to 40 and 50 degree below zero, or lower, temperatures can be withstood for hours, perhaps days, with the right clothing and behavior.
Currently, I am experimenting with long underwear made from three different materials, silk, wool, and polypropylene. I do not always layer three deep. At this point, I go mainly by my sense of the cold, how long I expect to be out, and what I will be doing. Standing in the cold, say fishing or on certain hunting trips require the triple threat as I call it. When layering thick for long periods and low activity, I first add silk longs, then wool longs, then polypropylene longs and snow pants. If it will be more active and it is a warmer day, I will remove the polypropylene. And that leaves active colder days to silk then polypropylene baselayers.
For socks, I always wear wool (winter or summer). In the summer, of course, I wear thinner versions. Surprisingly, wool is cooler in the summer than cotton or other materials. Needless to say, it is warmer in the winter. As well, foot odor is greatly reduced and my socks do not get soggy. I have tried many brands. Most wool socks wear out quickly, become ill fitting in short order, and some even itch. I prefer Smartwool, though there may be other brands which work well (I have not tried Coolmax, for example). My first purchase of six pair of Smartwool socks have lasted 4 years (and going). I buy a few pair each time they are on sale (real sale), thinking the older socks must be about ready to give out. So far, not a pair has failed or developed holes. I do have silk sock liners which I use depending on the weather.
As well, good boots are the only way to go. Tennis shoes, even non-insulated hiking boots, will not take you far in serious weather. I have a winter pair of boots, water-proof, wind-proof, excellent traction even on ice, and high enough to cover my pants to mid shin. At times, I do wear other types of footwear, when appropriate or just for a change. I have hiking boots I like to wear if I will not be out long. I also have a decent pair of oxfords, for nicer occasions and just for going from the house to car and such. Both are leather, both have been water-proofed, and both are kept polished, water-proofed, and clean.
I have several pair of thicker winter gloves. A pair for dress, a pair for work, a hunting pair, and several odd pairs. I have silk and wool glove liners, which really help on the coldest of days. As I get into outdoor winter sports, I may consider a set of mittens. Mittens are warmer, but do not allow much in the way of manual dexterity. I have seen the tricky open-up-and-shoot mittens, but paint me a doubter. I may end up, in time, trying a pair and comparing it to standard mittens. In any case, mittens should be just fine, and better than gloves by far, for handling ski or snowshoe poles. I also have tried a standard baklava. Though it helped a bit, I just do not like the one I have. It covers the mouth, steams the glasses, but it is camouflage. I am looking at other headgear, to include heat-exchange baklavas, wool watch caps, and some other items.
For outerwear, I stick with Gore-Tex. I am sure there are other water-proofing brands and techniques which are quite adequate. But from my circle of associates, my own testing, and my money, it is what I use. I have several for both insulated winter and non-insulated easy season water-proof pants. At this time, I actually do not use a full parka. I generally layer, add a thick wool sweater, and sometimes add a shirt between the layers and the sweater. On top of that I add a water-proof wind-proof jacket (shell), sometimes adding a water-proof wind-proof down vest. It is mostly experimental at this time, but I do have the right equipment, it is just a matter of learning to know how best to use what I have ahead of an outing.
Wool and silk are both comfortable, able to absorb sweat, do not hold odor as much as other materials, are less bulky, dry quickly, and allow the body to breath, but they are expensive and I would guess they will wear more quickly. Polypropylene is inexpensive, easily maintained, and dries quickly, though it has more odor related problems and it is less indicated if one is prone to rashes, so I prefer it as an outer layer. Down is excellent as an insulator, if you can keep it dry. If your goal is to go outside and come back all in a day, or you are sure you will stay dry, down is an excellent choice. Something to consider with any materials you might select is how to care for them. All of my items are machine washable (save some sweaters). There are special cleaners and treatments for silk, wool, waterproof materials, and down. Look for them, they will keep your materials top, and extend wear and intended use.
This year is my first to put much of this learning together for use, in congregate. I have been out for various short trips, doing the odd chores that winter requires, and experimenting. I hope to find a place to rent skis and take cross country lessons, so that on the days I need to get out for school anyway, I might take some ski lessons (or snow shoe lessons) before-hand, as money allows. I also have a few hunting sessions in the offing, some of which might require just a little target practice (a lot, as I am trying to settle on the right slug or sabot for my shotgun and I need to get some clay practice in as well). So, I should be able to get a better idea of what is needed personally, and when.
I have not been going out enough to begin practicing behavior yet, but I will pass on some of the advice I have received. Frequent warm meals, higher fat and higher calorie foods (chocolate, nuts, meats), carbs, warm drinks (coffee, cocoa, soup), and plenty of water are all helpful and at times vital. Paying attention to one’s perceptions. If it is cold, perhaps moving around or eating or drinking something warm would work. If you are hot, open a vent in your pants if you have that, take off the vest, slow down a bit, or drink some water. All this seems to be common sense, but do not count on common sense in freezing cold temperatures. You might not have that in you, plan ahead and know what you should and can do. Some other things to consider, if you work a great deal and work up a sweat (not advised though sometimes not an option), walk it off. Allow the sweat to evaporate more than a little. Your skin needs to be dry before you risk sitting (and thus cooling off very quickly). In more extreme cases, that can easily be fatal. Make sure someone knows where you are, and when you will be back, like all outdoor events. And think before you act. Building a snow man in the back forties might seem neat, but when one finds themself wet, without a change of clothes, and have a ten mile march in a cooling afternoon or much colder and cooling even faster evening, you might be in trouble.
Now, go out and freeze your butt off! Tell them I sent you.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Ok, he might have a point.
After reading this, I decided to ponder the matter. A little re-evaluation was in order. Housecleaning, I suppose.
When I considered the future, freedom, the recent past, history, and a few other odd variables and topics, I kept arriving at a depressing notion. I kept arriving at a conclusion which indicated an end to our, and the only real, revolution (in millennia). Oh, sure, there was the French Revolution, Castro’s thing, Mao’s thing, Lenin’s thing, sure. In each of those cases, however, power was just shifted from somewhat poor governors to homicidal governors. In our revolution, the power was split and shifted, decentralized as it where. The people, lets be clear, do not, cannot, and should not rule completely. An absolute anarchy is even worse than an absolute monarchy, dictatorship, or totalitarian state. No, our founding fathers saw clearly, thought well, and planned accordingly. The powers, the power to control assets, the power to make war, the power to choose allowed and disallowed behavior and then how that was to be handled, and the other real powers, could not be trusted purely to “We the People”, states, or states in combination. So, they split that power, delineated who and how the powers where to be used, and in so doing, set the shareholders of power against one another in a purely genius ‘house of cards’ trick. The gravity and lay of the powers has kept the house in tact for centuries. The state against the people, the state against the federal government, the people against the federal government, etc. No single entity can quite square the circle and corner the power market. Sometimes, often actually, no one wins! This has been being tinkered with and demented, in time, and more quickly and wrongly more recently.
In so doing, the fathers drafted then implemented a government that is as sleek, quick, pretty, and tight as a barge. Yes, you read that correctly. They set the government up to fail, to be slow, to be stupid, and to be complicated. Why, you might ask? There is a rather simple answer. A fully functioning, well regulated, singularly minded, and powerful government will fail it’s purpose, that being us, every time. A government that moves forward slowly, gets bogged down easily, and can be manipulated, tugged, and pulled until it is stuck in the mud, can do no real harm. In our personal lives, doing nothing can be wrong, that is not always true with the government. As well, if one side pulls in a dangerous direction, guess who gets hurt first? It is the dolts leading the charge. Try to pull the government off a cliff, and they will fall first, no matter how many on that side, that side will lose. In a worst case scenario, the government will just crash down the cliff on top of any survivors, probably not sustaining much damage even then. The current problem is that too many people believe a barge can help them. Not only can it not prevent their medical costs from increasing, provide medicine, money, or food, it cannot be trusted not to abuse those who go to it for these things.
Oh, yes, there were risks in this system. How many could die because of the foolish pull of the uninformed many before a proper reaction, or how much slop in the system in the way of human life? Well, I cannot say with absolute surety, however, I know right around 3,000 dead in a day will indeed get the mechanisms going. What has happened since that time is profound. Aside from the wars that have raged, the number of enemies killed in spite of being nearly invisible most of the time, and the changes in nations as close as France and as far as Libya, other social issues have been impacted. Gun control, for obvious reasons, is in critical condition. The United Nations has been put on a shelf for the most part, along with many other toys. Many other bad ideas are being ground down to the point of losing any power, because their developers have lost face and continue to do so. Even odd, seemingly unassociated notions are changing. My liberal friends fear that abortion will again be outlawed, they fear it and sense it. I am a bit dubious, but see that pro-life as law is becoming more possible than ever before. The multi-culturalists pulled too far. The liberals tugged and fell. Those still pulling that way are considered fringe, lunatic perhaps. Many of those who were there pulling, even if they still believe, are not willing to die to believe and are now tugging in such as way as to confuse and slow that movement. Though too, the opposition has not yet collected. Time will tell.
The world of American politics is still not right-of-center. As a fact, not only the location but the movement of American politics is still left and moving further toward the left. However, the momentum is not leftward. The American heartbeat, a nearly flatline pulse, is now growing stronger. The American mind is waking, coming out of the fog, and beginning to ask what all these bureaucratic wires and tangles trying to keep it down and controlled are about, having seemingly slept through the various surgeries and disenfranchisements. I’m not sure it will fully awaken, perhaps another good jolt is needed. But I am sure it now has a chance. Though I would hate to see New York (despicable as it is), Paris, London, Berlin, or some other major city destroyed, it might be like the amputation that saves the body, though not by losing infection, more by gaining the will to survive. And, in the final analysis, and should there be no complicity in the slightest, it will be worth the price. As it sits, we are bordering on becoming wards of the state. To those who do not understand, that means slaves of the state. This American liberalism is what all other nations call conservativism (which means the ‘powers that be’ are corrupt and in control, that things do not change once they go this way and are only changed from this despot to that genocidal despot). A brief pause in the downward spiral, a chance to change, a time for real liberals (conservatives) to win is at hand.
In the end, even if we succeed, it will be piecemeal, bit-by-bit, tooth-and-nail. The war will never be over, the struggle will never be done, and we can never win. And certainly, it will not be done overnight, in one election, or singularly in any way. We can be on more solid ground. We can be more sure of our lot. We can take back our share of power. We can revolt for the rest of our lives, and should, in the slow fashion our founding fathers (for the most part) intended. There is hope, more so today than in a very long time.
When I considered the future, freedom, the recent past, history, and a few other odd variables and topics, I kept arriving at a depressing notion. I kept arriving at a conclusion which indicated an end to our, and the only real, revolution (in millennia). Oh, sure, there was the French Revolution, Castro’s thing, Mao’s thing, Lenin’s thing, sure. In each of those cases, however, power was just shifted from somewhat poor governors to homicidal governors. In our revolution, the power was split and shifted, decentralized as it where. The people, lets be clear, do not, cannot, and should not rule completely. An absolute anarchy is even worse than an absolute monarchy, dictatorship, or totalitarian state. No, our founding fathers saw clearly, thought well, and planned accordingly. The powers, the power to control assets, the power to make war, the power to choose allowed and disallowed behavior and then how that was to be handled, and the other real powers, could not be trusted purely to “We the People”, states, or states in combination. So, they split that power, delineated who and how the powers where to be used, and in so doing, set the shareholders of power against one another in a purely genius ‘house of cards’ trick. The gravity and lay of the powers has kept the house in tact for centuries. The state against the people, the state against the federal government, the people against the federal government, etc. No single entity can quite square the circle and corner the power market. Sometimes, often actually, no one wins! This has been being tinkered with and demented, in time, and more quickly and wrongly more recently.
In so doing, the fathers drafted then implemented a government that is as sleek, quick, pretty, and tight as a barge. Yes, you read that correctly. They set the government up to fail, to be slow, to be stupid, and to be complicated. Why, you might ask? There is a rather simple answer. A fully functioning, well regulated, singularly minded, and powerful government will fail it’s purpose, that being us, every time. A government that moves forward slowly, gets bogged down easily, and can be manipulated, tugged, and pulled until it is stuck in the mud, can do no real harm. In our personal lives, doing nothing can be wrong, that is not always true with the government. As well, if one side pulls in a dangerous direction, guess who gets hurt first? It is the dolts leading the charge. Try to pull the government off a cliff, and they will fall first, no matter how many on that side, that side will lose. In a worst case scenario, the government will just crash down the cliff on top of any survivors, probably not sustaining much damage even then. The current problem is that too many people believe a barge can help them. Not only can it not prevent their medical costs from increasing, provide medicine, money, or food, it cannot be trusted not to abuse those who go to it for these things.
Oh, yes, there were risks in this system. How many could die because of the foolish pull of the uninformed many before a proper reaction, or how much slop in the system in the way of human life? Well, I cannot say with absolute surety, however, I know right around 3,000 dead in a day will indeed get the mechanisms going. What has happened since that time is profound. Aside from the wars that have raged, the number of enemies killed in spite of being nearly invisible most of the time, and the changes in nations as close as France and as far as Libya, other social issues have been impacted. Gun control, for obvious reasons, is in critical condition. The United Nations has been put on a shelf for the most part, along with many other toys. Many other bad ideas are being ground down to the point of losing any power, because their developers have lost face and continue to do so. Even odd, seemingly unassociated notions are changing. My liberal friends fear that abortion will again be outlawed, they fear it and sense it. I am a bit dubious, but see that pro-life as law is becoming more possible than ever before. The multi-culturalists pulled too far. The liberals tugged and fell. Those still pulling that way are considered fringe, lunatic perhaps. Many of those who were there pulling, even if they still believe, are not willing to die to believe and are now tugging in such as way as to confuse and slow that movement. Though too, the opposition has not yet collected. Time will tell.
The world of American politics is still not right-of-center. As a fact, not only the location but the movement of American politics is still left and moving further toward the left. However, the momentum is not leftward. The American heartbeat, a nearly flatline pulse, is now growing stronger. The American mind is waking, coming out of the fog, and beginning to ask what all these bureaucratic wires and tangles trying to keep it down and controlled are about, having seemingly slept through the various surgeries and disenfranchisements. I’m not sure it will fully awaken, perhaps another good jolt is needed. But I am sure it now has a chance. Though I would hate to see New York (despicable as it is), Paris, London, Berlin, or some other major city destroyed, it might be like the amputation that saves the body, though not by losing infection, more by gaining the will to survive. And, in the final analysis, and should there be no complicity in the slightest, it will be worth the price. As it sits, we are bordering on becoming wards of the state. To those who do not understand, that means slaves of the state. This American liberalism is what all other nations call conservativism (which means the ‘powers that be’ are corrupt and in control, that things do not change once they go this way and are only changed from this despot to that genocidal despot). A brief pause in the downward spiral, a chance to change, a time for real liberals (conservatives) to win is at hand.
In the end, even if we succeed, it will be piecemeal, bit-by-bit, tooth-and-nail. The war will never be over, the struggle will never be done, and we can never win. And certainly, it will not be done overnight, in one election, or singularly in any way. We can be on more solid ground. We can be more sure of our lot. We can take back our share of power. We can revolt for the rest of our lives, and should, in the slow fashion our founding fathers (for the most part) intended. There is hope, more so today than in a very long time.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Hmmm?
Which literature classic are you?
Virginia Woolf: Orlando. You are a challenge, for outer events, the outside world, the time etc. play no importance to you. Your focus is in writing, in gender issues, and inside your own head. Self-analysis and exploration of yourself as well as the outer world hold great importance to you.
Take this quiz!
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One can never be sure. I am, and decidedly so, unfamiliar with Missy Woolf. And, any notions regarding sex or gender have been settled into a very formal traditional notion, with a decent smattering of religious connotation. Or, perhaps, that last is the other way around, it is difficult to sort. The rest of the quiz result seems up to snuff. If any of you know anything about Woolf, I am curious now.
Gee, I am addicted.
Oh, and I stole this from here. I wonder if he would trade though. I doubt it...
Dreams of War.
The last two weeks, perhaps more, has been a time of war. My dreams have been constant and always about fights. Each night I have relived one or more of my memories, and some that have become like memories. Not all have been victories, only a few have been clean and easy, all have been intense. And yet, I have enjoyed this time. The taste and sight of blood, bruises, pained body, messed up hands, and personal shame and glory were earned and are now appreciated.
I watched as I went from victim to combatant to a type of predator. My youth and inexperience flowed to a rugged strength of purpose and self, skill and knowledge, speed and grace. My fear melted to precision. I watched as I was beaten by older or more experienced kids, in the beginning. I went from having difficulties winning against one fighter to being able to manage a group. I saw mistakes in timing and other choices, and watched in my dreams as I learned, adapted, changed, and... became. Near the end, I hunted the playground predators. I allowed them to seal their coffins, as it were, but on my ground in my time and in such a fashion that would leave me clean of technical guilt yet allow them no room to escape the trap of their dastardly natures. And, finally, I came to a place where it did not matter. I would toy with my enemies, singularly or in groups. I knew the situation was not in doubt.
I do not understand the combat dreams. My records have vindicated me of any legal, and technically moral, ties there. Yet for them I still have great guilt and shame at times, when I cannot set them aside or deny. Not so much for what I did, or needed to do, but for not being able to save my own in the end. As well, there are the collateral damage and young dead, which I carry harshly and heavily in spite of my literal bullet-proof painkiller of deniability. The worst of these dreams, though, were not in the line-up, so even the ones I did have were good.
I can change most of my dreams. Hell, I like nightmares and add undead, they really bug me out. Free entertainment is hard to come by. These are different. I have not figured out how to change them. This time, I felt no need. Even in the early ones, the ones I lost. I wanted to see what was happening. I saw the mistakes, and better, in later dreams, I was rewarded by seeing the improvements. I realize, whatever is or is not true, I am weaponized. At this time, I also realize I am not out of control, nor prone to that. I am not worried that I will use this for nefarious ends or against my own. No small blessings, those. So, now, in the better of times of dreaming, I shake, and growl, spit, and hiss, and... remember.
I watched as I went from victim to combatant to a type of predator. My youth and inexperience flowed to a rugged strength of purpose and self, skill and knowledge, speed and grace. My fear melted to precision. I watched as I was beaten by older or more experienced kids, in the beginning. I went from having difficulties winning against one fighter to being able to manage a group. I saw mistakes in timing and other choices, and watched in my dreams as I learned, adapted, changed, and... became. Near the end, I hunted the playground predators. I allowed them to seal their coffins, as it were, but on my ground in my time and in such a fashion that would leave me clean of technical guilt yet allow them no room to escape the trap of their dastardly natures. And, finally, I came to a place where it did not matter. I would toy with my enemies, singularly or in groups. I knew the situation was not in doubt.
I do not understand the combat dreams. My records have vindicated me of any legal, and technically moral, ties there. Yet for them I still have great guilt and shame at times, when I cannot set them aside or deny. Not so much for what I did, or needed to do, but for not being able to save my own in the end. As well, there are the collateral damage and young dead, which I carry harshly and heavily in spite of my literal bullet-proof painkiller of deniability. The worst of these dreams, though, were not in the line-up, so even the ones I did have were good.
I can change most of my dreams. Hell, I like nightmares and add undead, they really bug me out. Free entertainment is hard to come by. These are different. I have not figured out how to change them. This time, I felt no need. Even in the early ones, the ones I lost. I wanted to see what was happening. I saw the mistakes, and better, in later dreams, I was rewarded by seeing the improvements. I realize, whatever is or is not true, I am weaponized. At this time, I also realize I am not out of control, nor prone to that. I am not worried that I will use this for nefarious ends or against my own. No small blessings, those. So, now, in the better of times of dreaming, I shake, and growl, spit, and hiss, and... remember.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Life in the Boonies.
Ok, I am not literally in the Boonies. There is a town with that name, just off I-35, here in my home state. I am actually farther off the main road than even the Boonies. Still, I would not change that. Sometimes I do not like anyone here, sometimes I like them all, and sometimes it is a piecemeal situation. It is tribal here. Who you know means something, what you can do means something, and having everything about you known means something. It all goes into the social 'pot' and then tickets are drawn accordingly. I know them all, in some capacity or another. They are mine, and I am theirs, like it or not. If I should ever fall, get my wings clipped, decide to rest, or otherwise need a place to roost, I have it.
My visit has been good. Off and on, up and down, but rather smooth and mild this time. This is becoming the normal rather than the exception. My mum is aging. She is dear to many and the scourge of few. It is good to be in her company, in her world. Even in her slowing, she does what she can for those around her. Liking all is a fruitless endeavor, taking care of those in need is what her world is about. Fighting them on this or that issue, and sometimes the hard feelings that go with it, is just part of that world view. Not a bad one if you ask me. And, as I age too, I see more that what she presents is not so off from my notions, though I only see where she acts. So, I learn. Woman, just because they are wrong does not mean that they are... well... wrong... Just... just trust me.
We have had a great Christmas here. Of course there has been pleasant familial and friendly visits. There has been food, travel, some beer, banter, and some real talk. New people have been met, old associations rekindled, and even a fresh kiss and a little grab ass or two to spark even this grumpy old man's world. And you know, I do not think Christ would bemoan any of it. In a song by Leonard Cohen, he speaks of there being a broken and a holy allelujha... Both are glorious, and spoken or sung right as we can, I suspect as he seems to suggest, both will please the Lord. In that song he suggests that through even his wrong, he will stand before the Lord with nothing on his tongue but Allelujha. Not a bad plan, at least to this lost child.
Getting online and staying online has been tricky. I think my Mum's ISP is odd. It sends and receives in very large packets, I believe. Probably too large for even a new machine to parse smoothly (right terms? if not, just use common sense). I cannot tell if it is their settings or their technology, I have not checked into it. But my Mum's machine is ancient in the world of technology, as well. So much to do, so little money. This little machine has replaced here television, for the most part, so I know I have to be thinking on this.
Oh, pardon the mispellings. I do not have a dictionary handy, I have not been writing or reading nearly to my normal level, and the machine does not offer any (if often wrong or poor) assistance.
I have done little I had planned, and enjoyed it. I have not taken care of some business I had on the list, I have not studied expect to figure out some of the questions I wish to ask my professor, and I have not been out too much, solo. We have been here and there, done this and that on my Mother's lists, and we or just kept busy enough not to have the stars aligned for my intentions. I have heard from the lovely young lady, the one with which I have some interest. It seems she has a beaux. That is not a problem, on several levels, perhaps more than one might think. I still intend to meet her for coffee and see some of her work. She has passed some useful information on, and I will be putting it to use.
Today I will be helping clean the place. My Mom does a good job, but in the time before her surgery, having a workhorse around is not a bad thing. She wants the house exceptionally clean for a number of reasons right now, and she is short, with a bum knee. I think she was a little surprised I started pushing for this. But with celebrations, travel, and her regular schedule, we just have not had the free time to dig in. I have been able to chip the ice off, keep her paths clean, and do some things for her, just not the major stuff I have planned yet. I am hoping to find a service or friends who will keep the ice off for her when I go.
She thinks I am doing better. Better than in years, perhaps decades. She also does not think I will ever make it to a fast graduation, perhaps even a career. She believes I am limited, in spite of intelligence. She was a little (very) nervous about telling me, wondering if it would not set me off to ponder in my lost world and away again. I assured her that truth will do no such thing. I also tried to help her see that keeping those secrets just out of reach would do so much more. I am not stupid, I see the shields behind which the unknown is hidden. I can almost touch souls. And when a belief or truth is not spoken, I wonder... think... doubt... search... hide... figure... No, she has done the right thing. I wish others would, and then help set me on a better path. Or at least offer their full right advice and guidance and allow me a wiser choice in my courses of action.
The Xterra has been fantastic. The hills, snow, ice, and slush have been no problem. The hind end does not slip like a truck. The warmth and comfort have been superior. My wool and silk longs have been a proved out, and impressively. The snow, clouds, and fog have been perpetual beautiful and calming. The night and what some folk think of as foul weather have always been my ladies. Their cloaking carresses, their loving promises, and the luck they have offered are all this blind man has needed to do what has been his lot to do. Someday, perhaps, they will fold me in their charms and deliver me to their darkest coldest sister, the one I know best. I hope it will be this way, in the company of the only loves who have remained true.
This is getting a bit long, but several failed attempts have left me tugging at the chain with much to write. Frustration, as other things, are lived, passed, and refound, perhaps in time even loved. But today, I will set it aside for the moment. I write!
My visit has been good. Off and on, up and down, but rather smooth and mild this time. This is becoming the normal rather than the exception. My mum is aging. She is dear to many and the scourge of few. It is good to be in her company, in her world. Even in her slowing, she does what she can for those around her. Liking all is a fruitless endeavor, taking care of those in need is what her world is about. Fighting them on this or that issue, and sometimes the hard feelings that go with it, is just part of that world view. Not a bad one if you ask me. And, as I age too, I see more that what she presents is not so off from my notions, though I only see where she acts. So, I learn. Woman, just because they are wrong does not mean that they are... well... wrong... Just... just trust me.
We have had a great Christmas here. Of course there has been pleasant familial and friendly visits. There has been food, travel, some beer, banter, and some real talk. New people have been met, old associations rekindled, and even a fresh kiss and a little grab ass or two to spark even this grumpy old man's world. And you know, I do not think Christ would bemoan any of it. In a song by Leonard Cohen, he speaks of there being a broken and a holy allelujha... Both are glorious, and spoken or sung right as we can, I suspect as he seems to suggest, both will please the Lord. In that song he suggests that through even his wrong, he will stand before the Lord with nothing on his tongue but Allelujha. Not a bad plan, at least to this lost child.
Getting online and staying online has been tricky. I think my Mum's ISP is odd. It sends and receives in very large packets, I believe. Probably too large for even a new machine to parse smoothly (right terms? if not, just use common sense). I cannot tell if it is their settings or their technology, I have not checked into it. But my Mum's machine is ancient in the world of technology, as well. So much to do, so little money. This little machine has replaced here television, for the most part, so I know I have to be thinking on this.
Oh, pardon the mispellings. I do not have a dictionary handy, I have not been writing or reading nearly to my normal level, and the machine does not offer any (if often wrong or poor) assistance.
I have done little I had planned, and enjoyed it. I have not taken care of some business I had on the list, I have not studied expect to figure out some of the questions I wish to ask my professor, and I have not been out too much, solo. We have been here and there, done this and that on my Mother's lists, and we or just kept busy enough not to have the stars aligned for my intentions. I have heard from the lovely young lady, the one with which I have some interest. It seems she has a beaux. That is not a problem, on several levels, perhaps more than one might think. I still intend to meet her for coffee and see some of her work. She has passed some useful information on, and I will be putting it to use.
Today I will be helping clean the place. My Mom does a good job, but in the time before her surgery, having a workhorse around is not a bad thing. She wants the house exceptionally clean for a number of reasons right now, and she is short, with a bum knee. I think she was a little surprised I started pushing for this. But with celebrations, travel, and her regular schedule, we just have not had the free time to dig in. I have been able to chip the ice off, keep her paths clean, and do some things for her, just not the major stuff I have planned yet. I am hoping to find a service or friends who will keep the ice off for her when I go.
She thinks I am doing better. Better than in years, perhaps decades. She also does not think I will ever make it to a fast graduation, perhaps even a career. She believes I am limited, in spite of intelligence. She was a little (very) nervous about telling me, wondering if it would not set me off to ponder in my lost world and away again. I assured her that truth will do no such thing. I also tried to help her see that keeping those secrets just out of reach would do so much more. I am not stupid, I see the shields behind which the unknown is hidden. I can almost touch souls. And when a belief or truth is not spoken, I wonder... think... doubt... search... hide... figure... No, she has done the right thing. I wish others would, and then help set me on a better path. Or at least offer their full right advice and guidance and allow me a wiser choice in my courses of action.
The Xterra has been fantastic. The hills, snow, ice, and slush have been no problem. The hind end does not slip like a truck. The warmth and comfort have been superior. My wool and silk longs have been a proved out, and impressively. The snow, clouds, and fog have been perpetual beautiful and calming. The night and what some folk think of as foul weather have always been my ladies. Their cloaking carresses, their loving promises, and the luck they have offered are all this blind man has needed to do what has been his lot to do. Someday, perhaps, they will fold me in their charms and deliver me to their darkest coldest sister, the one I know best. I hope it will be this way, in the company of the only loves who have remained true.
This is getting a bit long, but several failed attempts have left me tugging at the chain with much to write. Frustration, as other things, are lived, passed, and refound, perhaps in time even loved. But today, I will set it aside for the moment. I write!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Everything was going great until...
Find Ultrasound technicians
Actually, now life is better. And, thankfully, I still do not feel. Though, what I would not give for a cigar.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Merry Chrismtas!
Ok, alright, I am leaving. A few odds and ends, after this, and out the door I go. I will not be dropping in and writing things most do not understand, or find objectionable, or consider just weird, for several weeks. I might attempt a blog or two, though, no guarantees. My Mother will receive the full dose of my madness and mayhem, in the interim. And, no, she agrees and understands about as well as most. Or, to put it so that most may understand it, when I speak about anything other than the mundane, her eyes lose focus and cross slightly, her jaw goes a little slack, and she just sort of looks in my general direction. The poor woman, she has suffered greatly so that I might live (and did not “put me down” when I was small enough to safely do so! *laughs*). She is slowing down, and life is changing for her, so I really attempt to keep my tongue tied. If she happens to fall into the trap and asks, well, a question, I try to shorten my responses, keeping them simple, and staying away from the wells from which I am able to pull infinitely and which are infinitely deep (and sometimes quite dark).
Oh, have no fear. My mother is not simple, and has not become so. She is, however, normal. The social world she lives in, the customs she knows, and the realities she understands just do not encompass what I am, nor has it ever. It is I though and this time, who must come to her way of thinking. She did this when I was a child, we split the difference for the last twenty years, now it is my turn. I only hope I do so as patiently as she has, as well, and with some humility and grace. It is with some small fear that I begin this stage of life, understanding more each day that things change, people age, and then someday they go away. But this is the season for hope for more than what is fallible, for joy, and for sharing. Storing up for those days when I am to be alone. And so, I will feast on this shared time in it’s good and bad, fun and slow, simple and complex, just as I feast on food, and more so, much more so.
Merry Christmas! I hope you all find the time to reflect as well as the time to share. I hope family, friends, and memories are rich and meaningful to you this year. May you feast as you may, nibble where you can, and relax in comfort. The celebration of Christ’s birth is all the hope men will ever have, or need. I hope that you may know the joy of this special Son. In him, may you know peace, love, hope, and faith and gain the strength to share these. God’s blessings. And again, Merry Christmas (and a Happy New Year)!
Oh, have no fear. My mother is not simple, and has not become so. She is, however, normal. The social world she lives in, the customs she knows, and the realities she understands just do not encompass what I am, nor has it ever. It is I though and this time, who must come to her way of thinking. She did this when I was a child, we split the difference for the last twenty years, now it is my turn. I only hope I do so as patiently as she has, as well, and with some humility and grace. It is with some small fear that I begin this stage of life, understanding more each day that things change, people age, and then someday they go away. But this is the season for hope for more than what is fallible, for joy, and for sharing. Storing up for those days when I am to be alone. And so, I will feast on this shared time in it’s good and bad, fun and slow, simple and complex, just as I feast on food, and more so, much more so.
Merry Christmas! I hope you all find the time to reflect as well as the time to share. I hope family, friends, and memories are rich and meaningful to you this year. May you feast as you may, nibble where you can, and relax in comfort. The celebration of Christ’s birth is all the hope men will ever have, or need. I hope that you may know the joy of this special Son. In him, may you know peace, love, hope, and faith and gain the strength to share these. God’s blessings. And again, Merry Christmas (and a Happy New Year)!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Ok, fun time.
I stole this from Code Monkey Ramblings. I even remembered to give credit this time. I’ve been a baaaad boy before, in not doing so. If a lawsuit is in order, you may speak to Hellen, urhm, Ms. Wait. Yes indeed, if you wish to sue, get in line, then go directly to Hellen Wait.
Actually, I did not know how this test would work. I was not sure what I was in school, and I was curious what a simple test might indicate. And though this is rather lame, in a way, at least the test questions, I think the results are within reason. Put better, I think that is probably how I was viewed by the other kids in school. Although, add that I put kids my age and up to 3 years older down in a fight like a pro when given no choice, and you get the rest of it. At this point, it does not matter, but…
This was my religion for a bit. I took a vacation from Christianity, and within a specific sect of this, I found a temporary home. Though I believe it, now, to be a fine general philosophy, I cannot see it as a fulfilling religion. As well, I think the philosophical aspect of this religion, for me, is best as a physical application rather than a spiritual or religious affiliation. And, I do respect those who are proper adherents, should they be unable or unwilling to attain my faith.
Ok, I am indeed goofing. I best try and make a few phone calls. *poof*
| You'll die Mysteriously... | ||||
| You are a different sort of person and your death will be unexplainable. | ||||
| ||||
| 'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
Actually, I did not know how this test would work. I was not sure what I was in school, and I was curious what a simple test might indicate. And though this is rather lame, in a way, at least the test questions, I think the results are within reason. Put better, I think that is probably how I was viewed by the other kids in school. Although, add that I put kids my age and up to 3 years older down in a fight like a pro when given no choice, and you get the rest of it. At this point, it does not matter, but…
You fit in with: 'Intellectual' You fit into the highschool intellectual stereotype. You're not really all that popular, but you're not a loner either. You fit somewhere in the middle socially, though you much prefer to do things your own way. You certainly aren't just one of the crowd. | ||||
| ||||
'What highschool stereotype do you fit in with?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
This was my religion for a bit. I took a vacation from Christianity, and within a specific sect of this, I found a temporary home. Though I believe it, now, to be a fine general philosophy, I cannot see it as a fulfilling religion. As well, I think the philosophical aspect of this religion, for me, is best as a physical application rather than a spiritual or religious affiliation. And, I do respect those who are proper adherents, should they be unable or unwilling to attain my faith.
You fit in with: Taoism 80% spiritual. 0% reason-oriented. | |
 | Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Taoist faith. Spirituality is the most important thing in your life. You strive to live by all of your ideals, and live a very intellectually focused life. |
Take This Quiz at QuizGalaxy.com | |
Ok, I am indeed goofing. I best try and make a few phone calls. *poof*
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The little machine and a helpful side link.
I keep thinking about computers. I have the time, and little else is clambering for my time, no one is knocking on my door, and it being a weekend, there just is not much else to do. So, I started looking for a couple of things. The first item was actually a search for more links. I will be changing some links, adding a few, dropping a few, with the possible addition of some non-blog links. In looking over the links I have, I noted that though liberals and libertarians were represented, my political affiliation was not properly represented. So, I mean to fix that.
While doing a search of conservative blogs, I ran into a particular blog which detailed information pertaining to a laptop, notebook really, I am eyeing. It looks like an offering for an upgraded OS, something which might not be a bad idea. As a beginner in Linux, I need all the help I can get. As well, I decided to add a link so people could look at this machine. I do not think it could ever be called the perfect machine, yet for an inexpensive portable, easy to use out of the box, yet with OS upgradeability, it would be difficult to beat. Plus, an introduction to Linux, which would allow the use of cheaper computers and open up a better understanding of operating systems, programming, and software in general yet have that complication be optional, I just do not think there is a better deal. There are several outlets for the machine, my favored is this one and here is the link to the OS upgrade. It was the information on the blog page which rallied me to blog.
Though, I think this would be better for children, techies (budding or otherwise), and college students getting into software, engineering, math, and a few other fields, I would not object to getting this type of unit for my mother, if she was a die-hard netizen and started traveling a great deal. But for power users, gamers, video junkies, and others, this just would not do as a primary machine. As well, I am unsure about the size. As soon as I find out, I will let you know. I should note though, even with big hands, my fingers are more nimble then their size might indicate. For beginners with big hands, this might not be a good test. Apple might still have the foolish cool thing, but cheap speaks sales. This might be the newest cool tool.
Oh, just to check in on her, I called my Mum. She has enjoyed being with the grandchildren. My niece’s performance in the Nutcracker Suite (correct suite?) was wonderful. I will probably “get” to see a bunch of pictures. Yeah, ok, though my brother and myself are not on speaking terms, I suppose I do harbor a little pride in his little ones. My Mother is set to return Tuesday, so I thought I would be there to have the house lit up for her. She has asked that I postpone until Wednesday so she may rest up and prepare the house, do a few of her things, and feel more prepared for my visit. It is an unusual request, but it works out well. It gives me a little more time to set my place before I go and to attempt to finish some last minute business.
While doing a search of conservative blogs, I ran into a particular blog which detailed information pertaining to a laptop, notebook really, I am eyeing. It looks like an offering for an upgraded OS, something which might not be a bad idea. As a beginner in Linux, I need all the help I can get. As well, I decided to add a link so people could look at this machine. I do not think it could ever be called the perfect machine, yet for an inexpensive portable, easy to use out of the box, yet with OS upgradeability, it would be difficult to beat. Plus, an introduction to Linux, which would allow the use of cheaper computers and open up a better understanding of operating systems, programming, and software in general yet have that complication be optional, I just do not think there is a better deal. There are several outlets for the machine, my favored is this one and here is the link to the OS upgrade. It was the information on the blog page which rallied me to blog.
Though, I think this would be better for children, techies (budding or otherwise), and college students getting into software, engineering, math, and a few other fields, I would not object to getting this type of unit for my mother, if she was a die-hard netizen and started traveling a great deal. But for power users, gamers, video junkies, and others, this just would not do as a primary machine. As well, I am unsure about the size. As soon as I find out, I will let you know. I should note though, even with big hands, my fingers are more nimble then their size might indicate. For beginners with big hands, this might not be a good test. Apple might still have the foolish cool thing, but cheap speaks sales. This might be the newest cool tool.
Oh, just to check in on her, I called my Mum. She has enjoyed being with the grandchildren. My niece’s performance in the Nutcracker Suite (correct suite?) was wonderful. I will probably “get” to see a bunch of pictures. Yeah, ok, though my brother and myself are not on speaking terms, I suppose I do harbor a little pride in his little ones. My Mother is set to return Tuesday, so I thought I would be there to have the house lit up for her. She has asked that I postpone until Wednesday so she may rest up and prepare the house, do a few of her things, and feel more prepared for my visit. It is an unusual request, but it works out well. It gives me a little more time to set my place before I go and to attempt to finish some last minute business.
Dream a little dream, ramha damha ding dong. Yea, ok.
Hmmm, what has it been… let me think. It has been for eve r since I wrote something negative. Though I have snipped, growled, and bit lightly a few times. Hey, muzzles only stop the teeth, not the intent or behavior, thus the muzzle. Doh! Anyway, I actually plan to keep this up. My writing has been boring and more of a personal journal. I think I would like to change that a bit. I am pretty sure I will continue to write my journal, yet I would like to add positive stories, interesting news, and offer educational links. This is a new concept, and I am not sure how involved it will be, so no promises regarding content or time.
I have heard nothing from my professor, though I did call later in the afternoon, on a Friday, and on the last day of finals. So, that was not a surprise. I have also not heard back about my registration. Again, and for the same reason, that is fine. I have not heard back from the lady I discussed. And, in truth, I am not chasing her. I would like to, but I know too little about her to start a form inquest, or whatever it is called. *laughs* We will see though, as I left an invitation for tea or coffee to personally discuss any ideas she might have about gaining an understanding of statistics. Hey, if nothing else, another math heavy friend is never a bad thing. And, if nothing else, I hope she agrees to meet with me for another reason. I am interested in the math she was working with. I actually have an artistic interest, and seeing it performed is much more valuable to me than seeing simple typed or type-set formulas. I also failed to call Vocational Rehabilitation Services, I simply could not find their number. I may have to call one of the college’s out-reach VA reps and get the main number that way.
I will be leaving, probably Monday, to visit my mother. I will be there for the rest of the month. I may or may not be able to blog. I am trying to figure out what to do with Rocky, my crawdad. I am hoping my neighbor might take him in for a bit. I thought about an automatic feeder, but that is problematic. If I had money and the time to investigate, it might be different. I will have to consider that notion for the future, but it is too late to consider now. At least Rocky does not seem to mind my absences. As a fact, I think the water cockroach prefers me gone, as he hides when I am home or at least when he sees me. Then again, being the mammalian Man Beast I am, it might just be shame if Rocky is a man-roach, or just frustrated urges if Rocky is a girl. He eats like a man, so I think of him that way.
Oh, there is a neat computer out. Asus produces it. It uses some variant of Linux (and I have heard it runs well, out of the box). It is cheap, at about $400 or $600, depending on which version you go with. It is said to be Win XP compatible (and comes with the necessary drivers for that). I am thinking of perhaps getting this and using it as my online service, while buying a monster Vista offline machine for games, math programs, office works, and business type applications. This thing, at the bottom rung, costs less than some blue-ray components or upgrades. I am also considering building my own system, again. I am not sure I would save a lot of money, as everything I save would probably be spent back into it. But it would be fun to do again. I would know my system (and what is on it and why), plus I would know I have the best components and the ones that I want. Of course, any machine I have looked at falls into the $3500 range, so I am a bit edgy about the whole thing. Do not even start that, $3500 DOLLARS you were about to say… Yes, and top of the line rigs can run $10,000 and more. Trust me, I looked… hehehe Even a Man Beast has to dream a little dream from time to time… (but cut that music in your head, I do not go that far!!! Ack!)
I have heard nothing from my professor, though I did call later in the afternoon, on a Friday, and on the last day of finals. So, that was not a surprise. I have also not heard back about my registration. Again, and for the same reason, that is fine. I have not heard back from the lady I discussed. And, in truth, I am not chasing her. I would like to, but I know too little about her to start a form inquest, or whatever it is called. *laughs* We will see though, as I left an invitation for tea or coffee to personally discuss any ideas she might have about gaining an understanding of statistics. Hey, if nothing else, another math heavy friend is never a bad thing. And, if nothing else, I hope she agrees to meet with me for another reason. I am interested in the math she was working with. I actually have an artistic interest, and seeing it performed is much more valuable to me than seeing simple typed or type-set formulas. I also failed to call Vocational Rehabilitation Services, I simply could not find their number. I may have to call one of the college’s out-reach VA reps and get the main number that way.
I will be leaving, probably Monday, to visit my mother. I will be there for the rest of the month. I may or may not be able to blog. I am trying to figure out what to do with Rocky, my crawdad. I am hoping my neighbor might take him in for a bit. I thought about an automatic feeder, but that is problematic. If I had money and the time to investigate, it might be different. I will have to consider that notion for the future, but it is too late to consider now. At least Rocky does not seem to mind my absences. As a fact, I think the water cockroach prefers me gone, as he hides when I am home or at least when he sees me. Then again, being the mammalian Man Beast I am, it might just be shame if Rocky is a man-roach, or just frustrated urges if Rocky is a girl. He eats like a man, so I think of him that way.
Oh, there is a neat computer out. Asus produces it. It uses some variant of Linux (and I have heard it runs well, out of the box). It is cheap, at about $400 or $600, depending on which version you go with. It is said to be Win XP compatible (and comes with the necessary drivers for that). I am thinking of perhaps getting this and using it as my online service, while buying a monster Vista offline machine for games, math programs, office works, and business type applications. This thing, at the bottom rung, costs less than some blue-ray components or upgrades. I am also considering building my own system, again. I am not sure I would save a lot of money, as everything I save would probably be spent back into it. But it would be fun to do again. I would know my system (and what is on it and why), plus I would know I have the best components and the ones that I want. Of course, any machine I have looked at falls into the $3500 range, so I am a bit edgy about the whole thing. Do not even start that, $3500 DOLLARS you were about to say… Yes, and top of the line rigs can run $10,000 and more. Trust me, I looked… hehehe Even a Man Beast has to dream a little dream from time to time… (but cut that music in your head, I do not go that far!!! Ack!)
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Face Value.
In my long journey through time, people land, and life, I have seen many faces. Each has been owned by a man, woman, or child with their own foibles, truths, goodness, and more. Each face, save for a few twins I have known, has been unique to my eyes. In the hundreds, perhaps thousands of faces with which I have become intimate, I have always had a question. With each new face I behold, should I then go on to begin to know the owner, the question reasserts itself. That question is whether what comes from this face in the form of words, what they present as non-verbal communication, but further back their intent, is honest. Are they being genial to my face to laugh behind my back? Are they feigning false friendship for some gain, or simply because they do not know what else to do? Or, are they presenting what they are and what they feel? Pretty touchy feely for a monster, I know. Bear with me.
Throughout my walk here, I have explored various means of examining the intent behind the face. In the examination, I realized that the intent of the person had to be analyzed independently. Specifically, the person needed to be vetted as to their stability. If their intent at a moment was true yet their whole notion of things could spin on a dime, their intent was meaningless. Once this was all set, I began to look for methods of discerning intent and stability. There are methods to attain this knowledge. However, many of these methods are destructive to the acquaintanceship. Which left me wondering how to ensure who I was dealing with was leveling with me without pushing them away, or at least, pushing away the wrong ones.
Then it came to me. The friends I have are generally good people, to the best of my knowledge. There are family men, stray graduate or undergraduate bachelors, a unwed lady or two colors and delights my little life, and then there are family members, however close, convoluted in nature of relationship, or distant in relationship who grace my humble time here. As I reviewed things, I decided one of my best tools in deciding who to allow in was to base this decision on who they are, how they live, and what they do. This worked, and seemed good.
Yet, I kept digging. I suppose we all look for the silver bullets in life which will magically hit our stated target every time, even when we are off, having a bad day, or not really trying. There are no silver bullets, here. So I have changed my ways to some degree. I have decided to let the intent alone and accept what I receive from the faces I meet. If they secretly laugh, let them laugh. I hope it brings them joy and is done in a joyous manner, if not, they have a problem I cannot help them with by the nature of the problem. If they secretly hate, this is their sadness and emptiness, not mine. This has freed me from concerns which I cannot affect. It has allowed me to just enjoy a smile, share in a tear, or just enjoy the simply complex nature of those other creatures I call kindred. I think my Father is pleased. I think this is His will. In time, I think it will be the only way.
Throughout my walk here, I have explored various means of examining the intent behind the face. In the examination, I realized that the intent of the person had to be analyzed independently. Specifically, the person needed to be vetted as to their stability. If their intent at a moment was true yet their whole notion of things could spin on a dime, their intent was meaningless. Once this was all set, I began to look for methods of discerning intent and stability. There are methods to attain this knowledge. However, many of these methods are destructive to the acquaintanceship. Which left me wondering how to ensure who I was dealing with was leveling with me without pushing them away, or at least, pushing away the wrong ones.
Then it came to me. The friends I have are generally good people, to the best of my knowledge. There are family men, stray graduate or undergraduate bachelors, a unwed lady or two colors and delights my little life, and then there are family members, however close, convoluted in nature of relationship, or distant in relationship who grace my humble time here. As I reviewed things, I decided one of my best tools in deciding who to allow in was to base this decision on who they are, how they live, and what they do. This worked, and seemed good.
Yet, I kept digging. I suppose we all look for the silver bullets in life which will magically hit our stated target every time, even when we are off, having a bad day, or not really trying. There are no silver bullets, here. So I have changed my ways to some degree. I have decided to let the intent alone and accept what I receive from the faces I meet. If they secretly laugh, let them laugh. I hope it brings them joy and is done in a joyous manner, if not, they have a problem I cannot help them with by the nature of the problem. If they secretly hate, this is their sadness and emptiness, not mine. This has freed me from concerns which I cannot affect. It has allowed me to just enjoy a smile, share in a tear, or just enjoy the simply complex nature of those other creatures I call kindred. I think my Father is pleased. I think this is His will. In time, I think it will be the only way.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Making the grade.
I ended up with a B. I am not exactly sure how well I did on the test itself, though I would like to see it. I just called my professor to see if I could set up a time, near or far, to look at the test. As well, though I did not tell him in my message, I will be thanking him. He did a good deal of work arranging what material he wished to cover (within whatever parameters he was given). I believe he did most, certainly the questionable and difficult, problems he assigned as homework to ensure that they were in line with his class goals and reasonable problems to do. That is not to say he chose an easy path, easy problems, or did our work for us, only that he did his part (in my opinion, and exceptionally well). Since I am finished with mathematics as far as required work and my grade in his class is final, I feel I can express this without the appearance of impropriety.
Ok, I must admit to being slightly disappointed. I had hoped that I did well enough on the final for a bump. I know from speaking with most of the class that I did far better than average. Still, there are easily those who did even better I am sure. I can think of two off the top of my head who easily could have outpaced me. In a class of 20-25, that would leave me in B territory. As well, my quizzes were poor and that was my real weak spot with no potential for grade trade to amend that. I do not know, but I would end up a little happier if I actually scored an A on the final, though I cannot expect that or even honestly hope for it. However, the class is completed, even that line of study is completed. I went against the odds, with only a faith I could recapture my old knowledge while winding up to follow the steep learning curve provided by the new material. As well, I went without extra time and a quiet, private, test and quiz facilitation. But dang it, I thought I was special! *laughs, well, chuckles… ok, grumbles*
Now, to get back into some other things. I have taken the week off and allowed my nerves, mind, and body to rest. I have enjoyed this rest, but it is time to get back into the game. I have registered for two classes this spring. The registrations are tentative because they do not have it recorded that I took engineering calculus I, and engineering calculus III does not seem to count. I am trying to contact the school to get the problematic class registration cleared and I am trying to contact VA Vocational Rehabilitation Services to see if they will help. If not, I will have to drop statics, I simply cannot afford two classes. I am also setting out to begin a review of the material I covered in this class, to look at a new physics theory, to study German again (though I would love to find a source of recorded or recordable German language, of simpler varietals (for example, speeches or talks given by or for German elementary students, structured (minus slang, at least initially) youth conversations, or other similar vocal early language samples). It is the spoken language that I personally find is my greatest weakness (though of course, actually reading written forms in papers (they are quite formal I have heard) and books in the German language is the true weakest, but that will take a great deal of time to actually be able to perform. Oh, and I may check into the material regarding my classes. It should be simple to find material regarding statics and electrical sciences. I might have some of that just lying around. Anyway, I have a plate full of academic activities planned until school starts up.
As well, I will be writing the woman from class a brief email. I am interested in where she thinks a self-study of statistics might best begin. If I do not dig into it immediately, I would like to at least design a beginning course and purchase a few books. Why statistics? It is an essential tool for any research. By having a grasp of this field, an ability to use a computer to evaluate data, and a personal interest shown through the first two items in this list, I would be much more interesting as a potential research assistant, initially, and both the knowledge and the experience as a research assistant would build toward my own work. Or so hope goes. Gee, I am actually becoming excited about this.
Oh, should there be any questions regarding a particular set of notions I have expressed, I should like to say something here. I still believe trouble is brewing, I still believe history is going down a very narrow and dangerous path. I am sure the outcome is in doubt. As well, I still have plans to vacate this area, though not on the moved up date of this August. I should also add, I am actually planning on leaving, but not (and it never was) because of my belief in a dubious future. That was only a side note, unrelated to my hoped move. No, it is merely the dreams of the mountains, fresh air, wind, rain and snow, rivers, and out-door adventure which call me. As well, I am gearing up as I may, making plans, and looking at places to live. I just do not wish to waste the time I have in this area, with a college right here. It is a resource, I enjoy it, and I am becoming more sure about my eventual success. I might find myself in a place to continue my education wherever I end up, since I am planning that, the chances really are not all that bad. *laughs* Have no doubts, neither my dreams nor my plans have been all that changed, actually only being rescheduled back to their initial (and only then, potential) track.
In truth, tomorrow is what it is. I may plan to stay put, move, marry, or fly to the moon. Reality might agree, be completely different, I could die, or something really odd could happen. Heaven knows, I kneel, homina domina day (-o). And, I am good with that too. Yeah, I covered my bum well there, but not by being clever. I merely understand my limitations. Be well.
Ok, I must admit to being slightly disappointed. I had hoped that I did well enough on the final for a bump. I know from speaking with most of the class that I did far better than average. Still, there are easily those who did even better I am sure. I can think of two off the top of my head who easily could have outpaced me. In a class of 20-25, that would leave me in B territory. As well, my quizzes were poor and that was my real weak spot with no potential for grade trade to amend that. I do not know, but I would end up a little happier if I actually scored an A on the final, though I cannot expect that or even honestly hope for it. However, the class is completed, even that line of study is completed. I went against the odds, with only a faith I could recapture my old knowledge while winding up to follow the steep learning curve provided by the new material. As well, I went without extra time and a quiet, private, test and quiz facilitation. But dang it, I thought I was special! *laughs, well, chuckles… ok, grumbles*
Now, to get back into some other things. I have taken the week off and allowed my nerves, mind, and body to rest. I have enjoyed this rest, but it is time to get back into the game. I have registered for two classes this spring. The registrations are tentative because they do not have it recorded that I took engineering calculus I, and engineering calculus III does not seem to count. I am trying to contact the school to get the problematic class registration cleared and I am trying to contact VA Vocational Rehabilitation Services to see if they will help. If not, I will have to drop statics, I simply cannot afford two classes. I am also setting out to begin a review of the material I covered in this class, to look at a new physics theory, to study German again (though I would love to find a source of recorded or recordable German language, of simpler varietals (for example, speeches or talks given by or for German elementary students, structured (minus slang, at least initially) youth conversations, or other similar vocal early language samples). It is the spoken language that I personally find is my greatest weakness (though of course, actually reading written forms in papers (they are quite formal I have heard) and books in the German language is the true weakest, but that will take a great deal of time to actually be able to perform. Oh, and I may check into the material regarding my classes. It should be simple to find material regarding statics and electrical sciences. I might have some of that just lying around. Anyway, I have a plate full of academic activities planned until school starts up.
As well, I will be writing the woman from class a brief email. I am interested in where she thinks a self-study of statistics might best begin. If I do not dig into it immediately, I would like to at least design a beginning course and purchase a few books. Why statistics? It is an essential tool for any research. By having a grasp of this field, an ability to use a computer to evaluate data, and a personal interest shown through the first two items in this list, I would be much more interesting as a potential research assistant, initially, and both the knowledge and the experience as a research assistant would build toward my own work. Or so hope goes. Gee, I am actually becoming excited about this.
Oh, should there be any questions regarding a particular set of notions I have expressed, I should like to say something here. I still believe trouble is brewing, I still believe history is going down a very narrow and dangerous path. I am sure the outcome is in doubt. As well, I still have plans to vacate this area, though not on the moved up date of this August. I should also add, I am actually planning on leaving, but not (and it never was) because of my belief in a dubious future. That was only a side note, unrelated to my hoped move. No, it is merely the dreams of the mountains, fresh air, wind, rain and snow, rivers, and out-door adventure which call me. As well, I am gearing up as I may, making plans, and looking at places to live. I just do not wish to waste the time I have in this area, with a college right here. It is a resource, I enjoy it, and I am becoming more sure about my eventual success. I might find myself in a place to continue my education wherever I end up, since I am planning that, the chances really are not all that bad. *laughs* Have no doubts, neither my dreams nor my plans have been all that changed, actually only being rescheduled back to their initial (and only then, potential) track.
In truth, tomorrow is what it is. I may plan to stay put, move, marry, or fly to the moon. Reality might agree, be completely different, I could die, or something really odd could happen. Heaven knows, I kneel, homina domina day (-o). And, I am good with that too. Yeah, I covered my bum well there, but not by being clever. I merely understand my limitations. Be well.
Monday, December 10, 2007
The Final.
What can I say, it seemed to go smoothly. Though it was not a simple test, by any means, I believe I understood each question well enough to answer it correctly. I probably had my typical “math bad hair day”, missing a minus sign there, or 3 + x^3y –y^cos(z) mismatching, but I think I was strong with theory and practice, just missing in the little math detail. After the test, while waiting for my study partner, a group of us began to congregate and discuss the problems, the ones we were sure about and the ones we were not sure about. All I can say is that, from that too, I have a decent feeling about the test. My friend did not feel he did so well. I was unhappy about that, but I do believe he will pass and will do fine. I am pretty sure, depending on how poorly my simple math was, that I should be keeping my B. Knowing my penchant for math errors though, I doubt if anything in the test would convince the professor to offer me an A. It is better than I had hoped in the beginning. I had to try. And, I am pleased in some ways.
I was not able to try and register for classes today. I decided to study with my friend, and it did help. Just by accident, we were discussing a problem from homework (one of hundreds). He solved it, and I watched (it is one thing I cannot do, step-wise valuation from (x,y) to t, given a graph). If he had not done that, I would not have solved that problem on the test, it was the exact problem from the homework!). We actually did not work on homework problems, sticking to previous tests only for all of our finals study (except for that one problem, and that only incidentally as, while I was turning pages looking for the general form of something, I saw it, pointed it out as a difficult problem, and his mind works in such a way that he just does what he sees in some odd fashion!).
Now, to look forward to next semester. Oh, and take care of life between now and then. I did a little shopping tonight and had hoped to do more, soon. It looks like an ice storm is coming through, so I do not know if I will be able to get out tomorrow to finish grocery shopping and do some minor errands. I am not even nervous about the surgery, I am just looking forward to having straight toes. My left foot hurts a great deal, and often, more so than the right foot. That is part of the reason it goes first. Though, another consideration just happens to be that I will be on my own through this operation. And, I may need to do some driving. Though the grades will probably be posted Friday, I would like to take a look at the monster, which means a drive. As well, when my mother returns from the baby-sitting job I have sent her on as her Christmas gift, I will be driving up that way. I have not seem my Mum in a while, and I am getting a bit cranky about it. She is a one of a kind, and big as I am, I still cannot quite be as much of a big baby without her. Yea, I know, but I have finally come full circle to where I have accepted much which I had foresworn. I suppose that is part of why I became Catholic. Kneel, knave, and know your place… I think I heard that somehow. And, finally, appreciate it in more ways than one.
Hey, I might have discussed a woman in class, one I might have thought of as attractive, interesting, smart… Urhm, well… I realized I no longer had her email address, due to my computer problems. So, trying to figure out how to deal with that situation, I decided to ask her, preferably before class, for an email or phone number exchange. As it worked out, I could only do so as we were seated and right before the test was handed out. She finishes the tests (historically, and did so again) quickly, then leaves. In order to minimize any discomfort, I had written my email address on a piece of paper beforehand. She had her own idea, however, and asked if I wanted her email address instead, which of course I did. So, she wrote it down and gave it to me. Now, this was ostensibly merely to ask her about statistics (which I am interested in and she is heavy in that field). I swore to myself that was all it was about. However, my deep blush when trying to speak English in that little conversation in the presence of the rest of the class and my inability to do so coherently indicates to even my clueless man-self, that, perhaps, there is more. *sigh* Yeah, I know. What are clueless male types supposed to do? Anyway, she seemed pleasant and interested. And, she had one of the biggest smiles going on. I cannot be sure if she was laughing at me for being a fool, the situation, happy that I asked, or some mix thereof. Read the clueless part again. Still, it is done. Now to figure out how well I can get around, how soon, and then when and what to write. Yeah, buddy. And, no matter, I will always have that little memory of my foibles in calculus with a woman as a fun little moment to remember for years, perhaps decades.
As with women, my mother, and God, I am forced to kneel with ineptitude and just graciously accept their gifts, favors, and follies. I finally realize I do not need to understand. More, I will never be able to understand. It is freeing, if still a little vexing.
I was not able to try and register for classes today. I decided to study with my friend, and it did help. Just by accident, we were discussing a problem from homework (one of hundreds). He solved it, and I watched (it is one thing I cannot do, step-wise valuation from (x,y) to t, given a graph). If he had not done that, I would not have solved that problem on the test, it was the exact problem from the homework!). We actually did not work on homework problems, sticking to previous tests only for all of our finals study (except for that one problem, and that only incidentally as, while I was turning pages looking for the general form of something, I saw it, pointed it out as a difficult problem, and his mind works in such a way that he just does what he sees in some odd fashion!).
Now, to look forward to next semester. Oh, and take care of life between now and then. I did a little shopping tonight and had hoped to do more, soon. It looks like an ice storm is coming through, so I do not know if I will be able to get out tomorrow to finish grocery shopping and do some minor errands. I am not even nervous about the surgery, I am just looking forward to having straight toes. My left foot hurts a great deal, and often, more so than the right foot. That is part of the reason it goes first. Though, another consideration just happens to be that I will be on my own through this operation. And, I may need to do some driving. Though the grades will probably be posted Friday, I would like to take a look at the monster, which means a drive. As well, when my mother returns from the baby-sitting job I have sent her on as her Christmas gift, I will be driving up that way. I have not seem my Mum in a while, and I am getting a bit cranky about it. She is a one of a kind, and big as I am, I still cannot quite be as much of a big baby without her. Yea, I know, but I have finally come full circle to where I have accepted much which I had foresworn. I suppose that is part of why I became Catholic. Kneel, knave, and know your place… I think I heard that somehow. And, finally, appreciate it in more ways than one.
Hey, I might have discussed a woman in class, one I might have thought of as attractive, interesting, smart… Urhm, well… I realized I no longer had her email address, due to my computer problems. So, trying to figure out how to deal with that situation, I decided to ask her, preferably before class, for an email or phone number exchange. As it worked out, I could only do so as we were seated and right before the test was handed out. She finishes the tests (historically, and did so again) quickly, then leaves. In order to minimize any discomfort, I had written my email address on a piece of paper beforehand. She had her own idea, however, and asked if I wanted her email address instead, which of course I did. So, she wrote it down and gave it to me. Now, this was ostensibly merely to ask her about statistics (which I am interested in and she is heavy in that field). I swore to myself that was all it was about. However, my deep blush when trying to speak English in that little conversation in the presence of the rest of the class and my inability to do so coherently indicates to even my clueless man-self, that, perhaps, there is more. *sigh* Yeah, I know. What are clueless male types supposed to do? Anyway, she seemed pleasant and interested. And, she had one of the biggest smiles going on. I cannot be sure if she was laughing at me for being a fool, the situation, happy that I asked, or some mix thereof. Read the clueless part again. Still, it is done. Now to figure out how well I can get around, how soon, and then when and what to write. Yeah, buddy. And, no matter, I will always have that little memory of my foibles in calculus with a woman as a fun little moment to remember for years, perhaps decades.
As with women, my mother, and God, I am forced to kneel with ineptitude and just graciously accept their gifts, favors, and follies. I finally realize I do not need to understand. More, I will never be able to understand. It is freeing, if still a little vexing.
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