Sunday, July 12, 2009 20:52
.
.
I have slept a great deal yesterday and today. I needed to rest, desperately. I was supposed to go to church with the people who helped me unload. I was unable to wake and get going. I did call them and let them know not to pick me up. The voice on the other end was not pleased, but there is little I can do about it. For me, these last two weeks have been epic. I have not done this much work since I have been disabled, or at least without medicinal assistance, which I no longer consume. I have lost about 20 pounds from 2 weeks ago, if that means anything.
My apartment is pretty much rearranged now. The weight bench, bed, and couch are where I want them, for the most part. My weights themselves have been arranged for easy access. The only thing I have left to figure out is where the set-up machine will go. I still have a half dozen boxes from unpacking which first must be removed, then I will be able to figure the last of my apartment design. My clothes are so large, the little closet and drawer space I have is packed. I may need to consider extra forms of storage. I will not spend much, so plastic dressers and bins to hold some things more compactly may be in order. Once I remove the boxes, I will actually be able to invite guests in.
I am still a very tired. I suspect, at this point, that is just my disability. I am going to try to overcome that. If I can, I realize it will be bit by bit and it will take a long time. I am hoping that as I get in shape that will dissipate a bit, perhaps even totally, though I think it will always be around waiting to knock me down. I have between 6 and 7 months to get in shape for school. If I am not in shape by then, I will pass it up. I simply cannot handle the simple daily rigors of going to school if it physically beats me down to go. The good thing is, even if my workouts suffer a bit, the college is close enough that I will be walking to school. That should help a bit, until I can get on my feet and begin working out and going to school. Only time will tell.
My lady friend called today. She went canoeing this weekend. Though she sounded rather tired, I can tell it is a good kind of tired. She asked if I had changed my mail. I had not, and I explained that the only thing I saw in the post office which had anything to do with address changing required internet access, and that I simply have not had the time to do that yet. I gave her an update. She just said, “Hmmm.”, or something like that. I told her that driving two blocks south, then heading east, I took my first drive in the mountains simply for drivings sake, so far. I will find other places to go, perhaps camp, definitely hike, and begin looking around the area. I know she would love that, especially here. She actually knows more of the national parks in this state, already, than I do. She has visited many of them and has an affinity with nature so that once visited, they seem to stick with her. Before she ever visits, I would like to become a professional (at least local) guide to offroad tours, parks, rivers, and such. Actually, I am hoping to be a guide should my neighbor and his family end up out here too, for hunting though.
It has been a beautiful two days of rest. And though, as I said, I am still tired, tomorrow is a new week. I have business to tend, first and foremost, then I need to find resources regarding hiking, camping, and off-roading for a start. Maps, people who know (met a couple of people already who I intend on speaking with more), and whatever other sorts of resources I can find (such as mini-off-road, snowmobile, ski, etc. rentals). The only way this will be a new life and not a death wait is if I can get past exhaustion, pick up out of my seat, and get going. This is where I draw the line. Though, really, this would not be a terrible place to die, if that is the way of things.
I did not even shower today! I just lounged and tinkered and napped. I may have to take a shower, get in the Xterra, and go see what there is to see. Being a Sunday, it might be very quiet out there. A perfect time to find the library, Catholic Churches, organize my various primary locations, and just get out of the house before I sleep. Oh, and buy a plunger. At least it did not spill over.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Achy, sore, tired, and all that.
Saturday, July 11, 2009 12:35
.
.
But feeling good. I like what I have done, where I am, and what I am gearing up to do. If this is the price, I happily pay it. I am hoping that in a few days, I will be feeling up to snuff, and may begin exploring my new fish bowl beyond tending the necessities. I am sure there is a library nearby, I have. found the address of several Catholic Churches I may begin exploring, there has to be a little diner somewhere not too terribly far away, and perhaps a hike around campus, with a map initially, will get me acquainted with the facility and might lead me to the whereabouts of the swimming pool.
I cannot believe how fast one falls out of shape. Just last fall I was in at least decent shape. Though too, I think diabetes and some other things are playing their part. I guess I am fragile, more than I would ever care to admit. Perhaps we all are if we step well outside of our comfortable or normal zones. In shape or not, lots of travel, too much sun, new or fast food, and a complete change of environment might be all that is really wrong. I rested till noon today. My neck and body is out of sorts for it, but I did need to rest.
I do believe I will get out again today. I need to fill the gas tank, and I sorely need a little more air in the tires. That done, and since it is a weekend, I might head for the hills and see if there is a path I can take for a minor excursion into the wilds. I will not be pushing either my vehicle or my own limits, or even coming close. Heck, I will even take a few blankets in case I get tired and want a nap. Perhaps I ought to take a few snack bars too. I always carry water on board, a couple of 27 ounce metal containers full, and a spare gallon in the back, more if I mean to be out longer. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow. It will depend on how fast I can get moving.
Today or tomorrow, I will finish arranging my apartment. It would be nice to start the new week all set to go. I will get the trash and recycling out today, on my way out. Little things make life a lot nicer, cleaner, and make life feel good. Those little things help me push on past, at times, into new territory, so that I have a chance at a new life here, or anywhere really. Even the moisturizer has been a blessing. My cracking skin has begun to feel normal again, healthy, painless. Every little bit helps in a harsh world with many problems, inside and out. A few Tylenol, a shower, and I am out of here.
Have a good day.
.
.
But feeling good. I like what I have done, where I am, and what I am gearing up to do. If this is the price, I happily pay it. I am hoping that in a few days, I will be feeling up to snuff, and may begin exploring my new fish bowl beyond tending the necessities. I am sure there is a library nearby, I have. found the address of several Catholic Churches I may begin exploring, there has to be a little diner somewhere not too terribly far away, and perhaps a hike around campus, with a map initially, will get me acquainted with the facility and might lead me to the whereabouts of the swimming pool.
I cannot believe how fast one falls out of shape. Just last fall I was in at least decent shape. Though too, I think diabetes and some other things are playing their part. I guess I am fragile, more than I would ever care to admit. Perhaps we all are if we step well outside of our comfortable or normal zones. In shape or not, lots of travel, too much sun, new or fast food, and a complete change of environment might be all that is really wrong. I rested till noon today. My neck and body is out of sorts for it, but I did need to rest.
I do believe I will get out again today. I need to fill the gas tank, and I sorely need a little more air in the tires. That done, and since it is a weekend, I might head for the hills and see if there is a path I can take for a minor excursion into the wilds. I will not be pushing either my vehicle or my own limits, or even coming close. Heck, I will even take a few blankets in case I get tired and want a nap. Perhaps I ought to take a few snack bars too. I always carry water on board, a couple of 27 ounce metal containers full, and a spare gallon in the back, more if I mean to be out longer. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow. It will depend on how fast I can get moving.
Today or tomorrow, I will finish arranging my apartment. It would be nice to start the new week all set to go. I will get the trash and recycling out today, on my way out. Little things make life a lot nicer, cleaner, and make life feel good. Those little things help me push on past, at times, into new territory, so that I have a chance at a new life here, or anywhere really. Even the moisturizer has been a blessing. My cracking skin has begun to feel normal again, healthy, painless. Every little bit helps in a harsh world with many problems, inside and out. A few Tylenol, a shower, and I am out of here.
Have a good day.
I did what I could.
Saturday, July 11, 2009 00:50
.
.
I realize I am a lame duck. I have worked beyond my capacity, or at least comfort, for far too long now. On the up side, I did not have a stroke or a heart attack. I suppose that means there is something left to me, something in there, some source of energy hidden away from me on reserve. As brutal as this move has been though, I know it will be a long hard even more brutal process getting to it, making it functional. I think I do have a bit of sun sickness added to my stress. I have had this before, so I am pretty sure it is part of my problem now. 6 days of full sun after months of hibernation seem to be a bad mix. Some of the medicines I have been on may have permanently increased my risk to sunburn, and vulnerability to the sun, and heat maybe, in general. Though I know diabetes increases heat issues as well. Enough whining. I just need to wear sunscreen religiously and take care with my exposure.
It is odd, but I am drinking less water in this hot dry climate than I was in Iowa. Perhaps keeping the cave there at 66 F required more water than even here, either because the A/C pulled moisture out of the air more than here, the cold requires more water than heat, or both. I am finding the need to use moisturizer here though, where as it was only indicated in Iowa. In the few days here, my feet have already started to crack. I purchased some almost immediately, but it was flowery smelling, so I went back and found something unscented. Morning and evening showers, along with solid moisturizing should manage that. I would like to get a fish tank, but it gets so hot here, I am not sure how the fish would do. But that is what helped my cracking feet in Iowa. Perhaps a formal system to add moisture to the air would do better here. It would also help with bloody noses, which I am prone to, much more so here.
Bit by bit, it is all coming together. Today, though little was done, I did need rest. I did open a bank account, I did finish unloading the Xterra, I did partially rearrange the place, I purchased some food and drink, the wrench I needed to finish assembling the weight bench, and a few other odds and ends. But mostly, today was a sleep day. I napped for what I had hoped would be a few hours. I ended up napping for six hours. I still have so much to do, but time and money are running shy, with money split between two banks and, I think, someone stealing from the Iowa account. I am, by no means, broke. I simply need to watch things here on in to next month. Food, gas, and maybe a few minor odds and ends and I will be in like Flint.
I do not know if I mentioned it, by my computer now has a DVD player and printer for it. I can still detach everything and run with the little machine, or hook it up for a complete system. I still mess up with the touch pad, and may try to figure out if it can be turned off when I have the mouse plugged in. I prefer the mouse a great deal, so long as I have a good surface upon which to use it. I also decided to go ahead and plug into the internet here at home. I went with wireless, which while a bit more expensive, is much more convenient. I can probably sit outside on cooler evenings, work from my Xterra, maybe work from the laundry here, and definitely work from anywhere in my apartment. I underestimated how vital the internet is these days. It will not be connected until the 16th, though. I suppose I will have to hit the laundromat with wi-fi between now and then.
I should make some calls tomorrow and let people know everything is good, or better than good, here. They have all invested a good deal in getting me here, or in me generally over time. Of course, I have made some contact with them over the trip, and such, but now that I am settled, unloaded, unpacked here at the apartment, and really, pretty settled in, it is time to let them know all is done, well, and offer some thanks, again, again, again.
I will be spending the next few days inside. It will be boring, so setting up the weight bench, arranging the couch, and set-up machine, tending to the boxes and trash, and just getting my mind and body cool and healed will be good. It is a weekend, and a rest is well deserved.
Good night, day, or morning.
.
.
I realize I am a lame duck. I have worked beyond my capacity, or at least comfort, for far too long now. On the up side, I did not have a stroke or a heart attack. I suppose that means there is something left to me, something in there, some source of energy hidden away from me on reserve. As brutal as this move has been though, I know it will be a long hard even more brutal process getting to it, making it functional. I think I do have a bit of sun sickness added to my stress. I have had this before, so I am pretty sure it is part of my problem now. 6 days of full sun after months of hibernation seem to be a bad mix. Some of the medicines I have been on may have permanently increased my risk to sunburn, and vulnerability to the sun, and heat maybe, in general. Though I know diabetes increases heat issues as well. Enough whining. I just need to wear sunscreen religiously and take care with my exposure.
It is odd, but I am drinking less water in this hot dry climate than I was in Iowa. Perhaps keeping the cave there at 66 F required more water than even here, either because the A/C pulled moisture out of the air more than here, the cold requires more water than heat, or both. I am finding the need to use moisturizer here though, where as it was only indicated in Iowa. In the few days here, my feet have already started to crack. I purchased some almost immediately, but it was flowery smelling, so I went back and found something unscented. Morning and evening showers, along with solid moisturizing should manage that. I would like to get a fish tank, but it gets so hot here, I am not sure how the fish would do. But that is what helped my cracking feet in Iowa. Perhaps a formal system to add moisture to the air would do better here. It would also help with bloody noses, which I am prone to, much more so here.
Bit by bit, it is all coming together. Today, though little was done, I did need rest. I did open a bank account, I did finish unloading the Xterra, I did partially rearrange the place, I purchased some food and drink, the wrench I needed to finish assembling the weight bench, and a few other odds and ends. But mostly, today was a sleep day. I napped for what I had hoped would be a few hours. I ended up napping for six hours. I still have so much to do, but time and money are running shy, with money split between two banks and, I think, someone stealing from the Iowa account. I am, by no means, broke. I simply need to watch things here on in to next month. Food, gas, and maybe a few minor odds and ends and I will be in like Flint.
I do not know if I mentioned it, by my computer now has a DVD player and printer for it. I can still detach everything and run with the little machine, or hook it up for a complete system. I still mess up with the touch pad, and may try to figure out if it can be turned off when I have the mouse plugged in. I prefer the mouse a great deal, so long as I have a good surface upon which to use it. I also decided to go ahead and plug into the internet here at home. I went with wireless, which while a bit more expensive, is much more convenient. I can probably sit outside on cooler evenings, work from my Xterra, maybe work from the laundry here, and definitely work from anywhere in my apartment. I underestimated how vital the internet is these days. It will not be connected until the 16th, though. I suppose I will have to hit the laundromat with wi-fi between now and then.
I should make some calls tomorrow and let people know everything is good, or better than good, here. They have all invested a good deal in getting me here, or in me generally over time. Of course, I have made some contact with them over the trip, and such, but now that I am settled, unloaded, unpacked here at the apartment, and really, pretty settled in, it is time to let them know all is done, well, and offer some thanks, again, again, again.
I will be spending the next few days inside. It will be boring, so setting up the weight bench, arranging the couch, and set-up machine, tending to the boxes and trash, and just getting my mind and body cool and healed will be good. It is a weekend, and a rest is well deserved.
Good night, day, or morning.
A new day not yet dawning.
Friday, July 10, 2009 7:19
.
.
I did not make it to 21:00, going to bed instead at about 19:30. Sleep was difficult. Even with the Tylenol, I was sore and a bit overtired. Rolling seemed to be half of what I did in bed, sleeping in fits. I woke very hungry at about 21:00, so I ate a bit then went back to bed, never quite having fully awaken however. I have figured out how to have my apartment cool enough and that has helped. But that is not enough to overcome the feeling that I am a salmon which has battered itself upstream. At least, unlike the salmon, I do not think I am going to breed and die. Though I think if I did breed, I might die, happy, but just as dead.
I set three alarm times, now that I found my main alarm, since my minor alarm has two alarm settings. I set the main alarm for 6:00, the secondary alarm for 8:00 and 9:00. The primary alarm woke me, but I thought I was unprepared to wake. It actually feels chill in the cave this morning, which did not lend to waking either. So, I turned the thing off and rolled back over. More sleep was not to be had, so 15 minutes later, I rolled out of the sack and onto my tootsies with all the grace of a lumbering grizzly bear.
A little breakfast, a slow recalibration, and then this. A shower is about to be in the offing. The sun is not yet up, or at least, it has not reached over the trees or mountains yet. I cannot really do any business yet, either, but I can get ready for it, make a little daily list, and perhaps unload a few more items. Who knows though, I am not quite fully awake. I am a little surprised to have waken this early, given the poor sleep, pain, and soreness. Though I am pleased. I may have to continue taking Tylenol for a bit, until I am back in some kind of normal mode. It does ease the suffering and stiffness, and might make some of the final physical work around the place a bit more tenable.
I need to go back to the store. I am not quite completely out of food, but I am close. The food was a trial balloon sort of purchase. And though microwavable food is not haughty cuisine, it works well enough. I suppose if I eat this most of the time, add in a Sub Way sandwich or something very occasionally, and add in cold cereal from time to time, I will do just fine. I have not found a local diner close enough to walk to, but that may change. There is a lot of area to cover and I have not really had time to investigate. Of course, if school is back on the menu, I did note they have a varied dining option and they are very close. In any case, this is supposed to be a back to basics living style for now. Which means an attempt at frugality. Oh, and due to that, fresh fruit does not go to waste, as it had been.
I think, for today, for sure, I need to open my bank account, change my address with the post office, change my disability checks to here, call the Voc. Rehab. and have my case transferred, some of which will require me to have access to the internet which means I will need to do some laundry, a little more shopping for food and cleaning supplies, and more work on the cave with the hopes of having it arranged by later today or tomorrow. Oh, and I need to get the software for my printer. It seems that all the work and money to get an external DVD drive is of no use for that purpose, and since it was the whole reason for that purchase, it was a frustration. I have become picky at Wal-Mart. They seem to accept items back without checking that everything that was there is still there. At least in Coralville. Now, I make sure whatever I buy there has not been opened and simply re-sealed when returned. Doh! I should have done that in the first place, but that is how it goes. I also need to call my bank and see if any purchases have been made in the Coralville area. I am pretty sure I have not been using my debit card, but I have “spent” a lot of money from that account. Perhaps it has been final utility bills and such, if not, I will challenge it. Though, for final utility costs, it seems way too high. Ackh! At least this time, if it is someone, they will catch them.
It is odd, for me, not having internet access, television, or anything I had before. I find myself unsure what to do with the lulls in activity. I think I will begin searching diligently for my math and science books. I suspect reviewing physics, a few other courses, and calculus would be a good way to burn those off moments, minutes, or hours. Between that and working out, I could put myself in better shape to start school again, if I think that is what I want to do. It could not hurt in any case.
Have a good day.
.
.
I did not make it to 21:00, going to bed instead at about 19:30. Sleep was difficult. Even with the Tylenol, I was sore and a bit overtired. Rolling seemed to be half of what I did in bed, sleeping in fits. I woke very hungry at about 21:00, so I ate a bit then went back to bed, never quite having fully awaken however. I have figured out how to have my apartment cool enough and that has helped. But that is not enough to overcome the feeling that I am a salmon which has battered itself upstream. At least, unlike the salmon, I do not think I am going to breed and die. Though I think if I did breed, I might die, happy, but just as dead.
I set three alarm times, now that I found my main alarm, since my minor alarm has two alarm settings. I set the main alarm for 6:00, the secondary alarm for 8:00 and 9:00. The primary alarm woke me, but I thought I was unprepared to wake. It actually feels chill in the cave this morning, which did not lend to waking either. So, I turned the thing off and rolled back over. More sleep was not to be had, so 15 minutes later, I rolled out of the sack and onto my tootsies with all the grace of a lumbering grizzly bear.
A little breakfast, a slow recalibration, and then this. A shower is about to be in the offing. The sun is not yet up, or at least, it has not reached over the trees or mountains yet. I cannot really do any business yet, either, but I can get ready for it, make a little daily list, and perhaps unload a few more items. Who knows though, I am not quite fully awake. I am a little surprised to have waken this early, given the poor sleep, pain, and soreness. Though I am pleased. I may have to continue taking Tylenol for a bit, until I am back in some kind of normal mode. It does ease the suffering and stiffness, and might make some of the final physical work around the place a bit more tenable.
I need to go back to the store. I am not quite completely out of food, but I am close. The food was a trial balloon sort of purchase. And though microwavable food is not haughty cuisine, it works well enough. I suppose if I eat this most of the time, add in a Sub Way sandwich or something very occasionally, and add in cold cereal from time to time, I will do just fine. I have not found a local diner close enough to walk to, but that may change. There is a lot of area to cover and I have not really had time to investigate. Of course, if school is back on the menu, I did note they have a varied dining option and they are very close. In any case, this is supposed to be a back to basics living style for now. Which means an attempt at frugality. Oh, and due to that, fresh fruit does not go to waste, as it had been.
I think, for today, for sure, I need to open my bank account, change my address with the post office, change my disability checks to here, call the Voc. Rehab. and have my case transferred, some of which will require me to have access to the internet which means I will need to do some laundry, a little more shopping for food and cleaning supplies, and more work on the cave with the hopes of having it arranged by later today or tomorrow. Oh, and I need to get the software for my printer. It seems that all the work and money to get an external DVD drive is of no use for that purpose, and since it was the whole reason for that purchase, it was a frustration. I have become picky at Wal-Mart. They seem to accept items back without checking that everything that was there is still there. At least in Coralville. Now, I make sure whatever I buy there has not been opened and simply re-sealed when returned. Doh! I should have done that in the first place, but that is how it goes. I also need to call my bank and see if any purchases have been made in the Coralville area. I am pretty sure I have not been using my debit card, but I have “spent” a lot of money from that account. Perhaps it has been final utility bills and such, if not, I will challenge it. Though, for final utility costs, it seems way too high. Ackh! At least this time, if it is someone, they will catch them.
It is odd, for me, not having internet access, television, or anything I had before. I find myself unsure what to do with the lulls in activity. I think I will begin searching diligently for my math and science books. I suspect reviewing physics, a few other courses, and calculus would be a good way to burn those off moments, minutes, or hours. Between that and working out, I could put myself in better shape to start school again, if I think that is what I want to do. It could not hurt in any case.
Have a good day.
Burning out.
Thursday, July 9, 2009 18:10
.
.
I did rather little today. I did stop at a bank to open an account, however, they were having technical difficulties. The woman I was working with there indicated that I would be able to stop in tomorrow morning and they would then be able to provide me with an account number. There is a $400 minimum on the account, up from the $100 I was used to. Still, I should not be a problem. I simply will not open a savings account until I have plenty of money in the savings. I also visited the post office. It seems that there is no longer a means of changing one’s address using a simple card. That is now done online, or at least here it is. I straightened and unpacked much of what I have in the apartment. I have yet to rearrange anything, but that task is fast approaching.
I slept till late in the afternoon today. I am becoming quite tired, sore, and just about done in. I really need several days of rest and relaxation. I will continue to piece things, little things, together. I will do some business. But I am officially on light duty. There is not a part of my body that is not aching, bruised, sore, or stretched. My mind is working very slowly. I cannot necessarily remember what something is called, my address, or my phone number. And, yes, I know these things, including my new information. I mean to go to bed earlier, henceforth, though. And, by doing so, I plan on getting up earlier. There is much I can do, yet, which does not strain me.
The big fan, along with a little one I had, combined with the A/C in the apartment are allowing me to keep the temp down to about 72 F. Though a far cry from the 66 F I preferred in my last place, this seems down right cool, perhaps even cold at times. Without the humidity, life is smoother. I will need to find moisturizer though. I did buy some, but it is a bit floral for my intent. I really need something that is fragrance neutral. The women’s scent is, well, feminine. The men’s scents are usually not to my taste. Oh, and deodorant, I did not need it in Iowa for some odd reason, but here my b.o. is showing.
Something I have noticed here, that is very different, is that women must not be using the pill or other such things nearly as commonly. I have been inundated with new sensations. And yes, control has been difficult. It would be like being in a sterile and sterilized greenhouse, then going into a greenhouse with flowers in full bloom! I can smell it, sense it, and it has a powerful impact. I am more and more sure I am in the right place. Women even act differently here. I doubt if I will find a wife, but should I happen to, I think this is one of the places where seeking would be good.
I need to sneak into some of the local churches, ask around a bit, and maybe investigate online. I am getting my little computer set up with the external DVD/CD player, with the printer to follow. I have received a follow up call from Vocation Rehabilitation and plan on taking care of that tomorrow, along with a call to both new and old dealerships. I still need to change addresses for my insurance. And I need to figure out how to get my checks directly deposited here, the lady I was dealing with at the bank suggested that is all done online, at this point, or at least for the V.A. There is still so much left to do beyond that. But when I look back upon what I have done, without thinking about the condition I am in, I see that I have done much, quickly, and fairly well. Adding in how out of shape, over the hill, and mentally soft, I see that I have done extremely well. I would give myself a solid B-. I know, an A or A+ would have been nicer, but I must be honest.
I had thought about a nap, but I do not wish to spoil my sleep tonight. It is already 18:00 hours. I will just tinker until 21:00 hours and then sleep well and long. I have a mini travel alarm for the moment. I am hoping to find my main alarm clock soon. Tracking time is not terribly important, immediately. But if I wish to try and get on the day schedule, and then keep to it, I best start out on the right track. That is it for now.
Be well!
.
.
I did rather little today. I did stop at a bank to open an account, however, they were having technical difficulties. The woman I was working with there indicated that I would be able to stop in tomorrow morning and they would then be able to provide me with an account number. There is a $400 minimum on the account, up from the $100 I was used to. Still, I should not be a problem. I simply will not open a savings account until I have plenty of money in the savings. I also visited the post office. It seems that there is no longer a means of changing one’s address using a simple card. That is now done online, or at least here it is. I straightened and unpacked much of what I have in the apartment. I have yet to rearrange anything, but that task is fast approaching.
I slept till late in the afternoon today. I am becoming quite tired, sore, and just about done in. I really need several days of rest and relaxation. I will continue to piece things, little things, together. I will do some business. But I am officially on light duty. There is not a part of my body that is not aching, bruised, sore, or stretched. My mind is working very slowly. I cannot necessarily remember what something is called, my address, or my phone number. And, yes, I know these things, including my new information. I mean to go to bed earlier, henceforth, though. And, by doing so, I plan on getting up earlier. There is much I can do, yet, which does not strain me.
The big fan, along with a little one I had, combined with the A/C in the apartment are allowing me to keep the temp down to about 72 F. Though a far cry from the 66 F I preferred in my last place, this seems down right cool, perhaps even cold at times. Without the humidity, life is smoother. I will need to find moisturizer though. I did buy some, but it is a bit floral for my intent. I really need something that is fragrance neutral. The women’s scent is, well, feminine. The men’s scents are usually not to my taste. Oh, and deodorant, I did not need it in Iowa for some odd reason, but here my b.o. is showing.
Something I have noticed here, that is very different, is that women must not be using the pill or other such things nearly as commonly. I have been inundated with new sensations. And yes, control has been difficult. It would be like being in a sterile and sterilized greenhouse, then going into a greenhouse with flowers in full bloom! I can smell it, sense it, and it has a powerful impact. I am more and more sure I am in the right place. Women even act differently here. I doubt if I will find a wife, but should I happen to, I think this is one of the places where seeking would be good.
I need to sneak into some of the local churches, ask around a bit, and maybe investigate online. I am getting my little computer set up with the external DVD/CD player, with the printer to follow. I have received a follow up call from Vocation Rehabilitation and plan on taking care of that tomorrow, along with a call to both new and old dealerships. I still need to change addresses for my insurance. And I need to figure out how to get my checks directly deposited here, the lady I was dealing with at the bank suggested that is all done online, at this point, or at least for the V.A. There is still so much left to do beyond that. But when I look back upon what I have done, without thinking about the condition I am in, I see that I have done much, quickly, and fairly well. Adding in how out of shape, over the hill, and mentally soft, I see that I have done extremely well. I would give myself a solid B-. I know, an A or A+ would have been nicer, but I must be honest.
I had thought about a nap, but I do not wish to spoil my sleep tonight. It is already 18:00 hours. I will just tinker until 21:00 hours and then sleep well and long. I have a mini travel alarm for the moment. I am hoping to find my main alarm clock soon. Tracking time is not terribly important, immediately. But if I wish to try and get on the day schedule, and then keep to it, I best start out on the right track. That is it for now.
Be well!
A letter home.
Thursday, July 9, 2009 14:57
.
.
I was happy to get done today what I could get done. The U-Haul truck and trailer where returned, late of course, by a few hours. The man working the turn in was kind and allowed the overage to slide by without additional fees. After a quick run through of the truck, he was satisfied. I did have to put in some fuel. I told him the truck was only ¾ full when I picked it up, so he agreed to that level of fill. Nothing happens quickly here. I think between the heat and the laid back attitude, all interactions take lots of time. Then again, I never was good at counting in time for paperwork, driving, or such. I then put utilities in my name. As usual, this task took close to an hour, without any wait in a line. I returned the various items I needed to return on my rout doing my primary tasks. I retuned everything without a problem. I dropped a few things off at the storage unit, then went grocery shopping.
Food sounds like such a simple thing to buy. And, usually it is. I had only meant to pick up a half dozen items. Instead I ended up with a cart full. Tuna, bread, water, milk, and the rest. I then remembered laundry and bought those goods. On and on, I found little things I needed or really wanted. Paper plates to napkins to olives. I returned home with these goods, well and truly tired. I unloaded and unpacked these, then grabbed a few arms full from the Xterra, the little I have left to unload is dwindling. I then took a two hour nap, setting my alarm, just in case or more just to see if I could or wanted to wake up.
I did wake up, and easily. So, I decided to do the last of my shopping chores for a while. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a tiny microwave (I have almost zero workspace), a large standing fan, real glasses in case of guests, a few towels since I cannot yet find my other towels, trash bins, and a can opener. I had wanted a tuna sandwich so badly only to realize I had no can opener, earlier. I really am amazed at how much I am getting done and how quickly it is all coming together. Even with the heat, my apartment only ever seems to drop to 80 at night, though throughout the later parts it might get cooler. Perhaps it is the heat that allows me to work, I am not sure.
Tomorrow I need to change my mailing address at the post office. My lady friend is picking up my mail at my previous apartment, currently. I also need to open a bank account and begin getting my checks directly deposited here and I need to do some laundry. Perhaps I will finish unloading the Xterra, though some of that goes to the storage unit. It will be nice to have everything unloaded, finally. I would also like to contact my old Nissan dealership. We had a deal where they would pick up my first 3 oil changes, including adding synthetic oil. I believe my dealer said he would pass that on, if I moved. I will see about that. Regardless of how that goes, I will need to schedule a service for the SUV. Oh, I remembered to call the VA Vocational Rehabilitation Officer today. I let them know that I had moved to Utah and if he wanted to get me connected out here, I would begin that. I am quite sure, whatever else, he is quite pleased to be done with me. I got the feeling they hated working with me.
There are so many other things yet to do. Finding out about the pool, where it is located, hours, and such. But first, I really am hoping to have some time, soon, where I can just focus on the apartment, getting what remains packed unpacked, rearranging my furniture and setting up my exercise equipment and furniture so that it is the most convenient and comfortable. I will get to it in the next day or two, I am almost sure. On the good side, I have been being very organized in my unpacking, storing, arranging, and such to date. My purchases are helping to keep me organized and comfortable. I think I will do fine here at this minimalist apartment, at least in the short term. I would not want this forever, but two years here would not be unthinkable if the plan is currently for a year or less. It all depends on the realestate markets, interest rates, and things. I will not be looking for about 3 months, I believe. I would like to take some time to think, save at least a little money, and enjoy myself a bit.
Good night, good day, good morning… Wherever this hits you, whenever I send it, and such.
.
.
I was happy to get done today what I could get done. The U-Haul truck and trailer where returned, late of course, by a few hours. The man working the turn in was kind and allowed the overage to slide by without additional fees. After a quick run through of the truck, he was satisfied. I did have to put in some fuel. I told him the truck was only ¾ full when I picked it up, so he agreed to that level of fill. Nothing happens quickly here. I think between the heat and the laid back attitude, all interactions take lots of time. Then again, I never was good at counting in time for paperwork, driving, or such. I then put utilities in my name. As usual, this task took close to an hour, without any wait in a line. I returned the various items I needed to return on my rout doing my primary tasks. I retuned everything without a problem. I dropped a few things off at the storage unit, then went grocery shopping.
Food sounds like such a simple thing to buy. And, usually it is. I had only meant to pick up a half dozen items. Instead I ended up with a cart full. Tuna, bread, water, milk, and the rest. I then remembered laundry and bought those goods. On and on, I found little things I needed or really wanted. Paper plates to napkins to olives. I returned home with these goods, well and truly tired. I unloaded and unpacked these, then grabbed a few arms full from the Xterra, the little I have left to unload is dwindling. I then took a two hour nap, setting my alarm, just in case or more just to see if I could or wanted to wake up.
I did wake up, and easily. So, I decided to do the last of my shopping chores for a while. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a tiny microwave (I have almost zero workspace), a large standing fan, real glasses in case of guests, a few towels since I cannot yet find my other towels, trash bins, and a can opener. I had wanted a tuna sandwich so badly only to realize I had no can opener, earlier. I really am amazed at how much I am getting done and how quickly it is all coming together. Even with the heat, my apartment only ever seems to drop to 80 at night, though throughout the later parts it might get cooler. Perhaps it is the heat that allows me to work, I am not sure.
Tomorrow I need to change my mailing address at the post office. My lady friend is picking up my mail at my previous apartment, currently. I also need to open a bank account and begin getting my checks directly deposited here and I need to do some laundry. Perhaps I will finish unloading the Xterra, though some of that goes to the storage unit. It will be nice to have everything unloaded, finally. I would also like to contact my old Nissan dealership. We had a deal where they would pick up my first 3 oil changes, including adding synthetic oil. I believe my dealer said he would pass that on, if I moved. I will see about that. Regardless of how that goes, I will need to schedule a service for the SUV. Oh, I remembered to call the VA Vocational Rehabilitation Officer today. I let them know that I had moved to Utah and if he wanted to get me connected out here, I would begin that. I am quite sure, whatever else, he is quite pleased to be done with me. I got the feeling they hated working with me.
There are so many other things yet to do. Finding out about the pool, where it is located, hours, and such. But first, I really am hoping to have some time, soon, where I can just focus on the apartment, getting what remains packed unpacked, rearranging my furniture and setting up my exercise equipment and furniture so that it is the most convenient and comfortable. I will get to it in the next day or two, I am almost sure. On the good side, I have been being very organized in my unpacking, storing, arranging, and such to date. My purchases are helping to keep me organized and comfortable. I think I will do fine here at this minimalist apartment, at least in the short term. I would not want this forever, but two years here would not be unthinkable if the plan is currently for a year or less. It all depends on the realestate markets, interest rates, and things. I will not be looking for about 3 months, I believe. I would like to take some time to think, save at least a little money, and enjoy myself a bit.
Good night, good day, good morning… Wherever this hits you, whenever I send it, and such.
Home?
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 13:19
.
.
No, not exactly. But I am unloaded, in the midst of unpacking, and everything is set. I am just creating a couple of lists, one for groceries, one for small appliances and such. I have three packages to send and two groups of items to return to stores. I have the utility turn on address and will be doing that today. And I have found my first wi-fi hotspot, a laundromat two blocks west of my apartment. I am typing this at my place, to send when I get there. No telling how long it will be before I do laundry there. I could do laundry here, as they have a laundry room. But the wi-fi makes the other place worth the walk. And, yes, I will be walking as much as I can.
The University is merely two or three blocks away, I am guessing. I drove up and around it a bit out of curiosity, but took a circuitous rout, that is why the estimation. It is rather secluded, with no town around it. It seems to have only a few ways into it as well. From what I could see, it looks like a pretty campus, if that matters at all. It was not very busy seeming, but it is summer. I saw a field house, which is just as I entered. I am guessing that might be where the swimming pool is. Another thing to find out about and then begin using in time. So much to do, but now I do have the time and space to do things at my leisure.
The young men and young woman who helped me unpack were super. Even in exhaustion, their leader asked if there was anything else he could do. I was too tired to suggest that he sleep well, so I just said no. With their great help, the unloading took no more than two hours, maybe three with the apartment work. I am sure they have to be exhausted. I know I am. Sore, again, too. As I said though, I will not be taking a week off. If I will go a bit slowly, I think I will take this as a warm up to begin my new life. My weights and set-up machine fit in my apartment. But I will need to rearrange everything to make those both functional and still have the apartment be livable.
The apartment is quite small. I have a kitchen and dining area that is about the size of my last kitchen, say 8’ by 12’, with a living area about that size. The bathroom has just enough room for the toilet and shower, the wash area is outside of it, with a few lower cupboards and drawers. It is nothing fancy. But it will do very nicely as I redesign my life around creating a new life. The area, as I am finding out, is actually always hot, that is, when it is not cold. There seems to be no middle ground. It is not as hot as Las Vegas, but it is not far off, at least while the sun is up. The elevation and mountains probably hold it back a bit. The mountains, I am told, are cooler all around. No surprise there.
Bit by bit, and with the really hard work done, my plans are being implemented. I will need to do some minor tasks, make a few contacts, explore a bit, make some calls, then figure out just what it is that I really need to be and should be doing. I will send this when I get to the laundry part. I am hoping the laundromat is open after dark, when it does get cool, down into the 60’s I would guess.
Have a great day! Stick with it, if I can do a huge thing like this, you can do your own huge, middle, or small thing. Just… just do it.
.
.
No, not exactly. But I am unloaded, in the midst of unpacking, and everything is set. I am just creating a couple of lists, one for groceries, one for small appliances and such. I have three packages to send and two groups of items to return to stores. I have the utility turn on address and will be doing that today. And I have found my first wi-fi hotspot, a laundromat two blocks west of my apartment. I am typing this at my place, to send when I get there. No telling how long it will be before I do laundry there. I could do laundry here, as they have a laundry room. But the wi-fi makes the other place worth the walk. And, yes, I will be walking as much as I can.
The University is merely two or three blocks away, I am guessing. I drove up and around it a bit out of curiosity, but took a circuitous rout, that is why the estimation. It is rather secluded, with no town around it. It seems to have only a few ways into it as well. From what I could see, it looks like a pretty campus, if that matters at all. It was not very busy seeming, but it is summer. I saw a field house, which is just as I entered. I am guessing that might be where the swimming pool is. Another thing to find out about and then begin using in time. So much to do, but now I do have the time and space to do things at my leisure.
The young men and young woman who helped me unpack were super. Even in exhaustion, their leader asked if there was anything else he could do. I was too tired to suggest that he sleep well, so I just said no. With their great help, the unloading took no more than two hours, maybe three with the apartment work. I am sure they have to be exhausted. I know I am. Sore, again, too. As I said though, I will not be taking a week off. If I will go a bit slowly, I think I will take this as a warm up to begin my new life. My weights and set-up machine fit in my apartment. But I will need to rearrange everything to make those both functional and still have the apartment be livable.
The apartment is quite small. I have a kitchen and dining area that is about the size of my last kitchen, say 8’ by 12’, with a living area about that size. The bathroom has just enough room for the toilet and shower, the wash area is outside of it, with a few lower cupboards and drawers. It is nothing fancy. But it will do very nicely as I redesign my life around creating a new life. The area, as I am finding out, is actually always hot, that is, when it is not cold. There seems to be no middle ground. It is not as hot as Las Vegas, but it is not far off, at least while the sun is up. The elevation and mountains probably hold it back a bit. The mountains, I am told, are cooler all around. No surprise there.
Bit by bit, and with the really hard work done, my plans are being implemented. I will need to do some minor tasks, make a few contacts, explore a bit, make some calls, then figure out just what it is that I really need to be and should be doing. I will send this when I get to the laundry part. I am hoping the laundromat is open after dark, when it does get cool, down into the 60’s I would guess.
Have a great day! Stick with it, if I can do a huge thing like this, you can do your own huge, middle, or small thing. Just… just do it.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
A slow morning.
.
.
I am trying to get going. I am quite tired. I really need to push for this last part though. I am so very thirsty, tired, bruised, and such. I must be honest, I am surprised I have done this well, held together, and in the bad shape I have become since I stopped working out that I have not had a stroke, diabetic coma, or heart attack. The hours awake, the physical and emotional stresses, the poor diet, the perpetual dehydration in spite of drinking gallons of stuff a day, and a number of other things really make me wonder why I am not toast. God either really has something for me or I am the luckiest (unluckiest) cuss cur that has ever swindled so much life out of one overwrought corpse!
"That don't confront me none, as long as I get my check next payday", I think that is how the song goes. I need to really hop and go as fast and strongly as I can. And, because I have done as well as I can, for this long, and over what I thought remotely possible, I have revised my first week's itinerary. I will not spend it sleeping. I will be out, first on foot looking at the University, meeting neighbors and friends, making small contacts in the community, finding out where hiking and driving trails are, getting my swimming pass, and finding out where to eat. Perhaps even working out whether I feel I have the energy or not.
Though I am sore, bruised, tired, and weak, I am so tightened up from the trip and moving that it would surely be a waste to let that pass. Seeing my bellyfat in full length mirrors has horrified me. I do not mind being ugly, I was born that way. But I do not like being like this. That is my fault. And, I mean to do something about it. Oh, I was able to bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees though! There might be some hope. Yep, this time, as soon as I am in, is the time to jump on it and push as hard as I can. When I really need a break, I will take it, but for now, I think my job is to push up and on.
I should also admit, I will be having my Mom up sometime soon. She may end up being in a hotel, the one I am staying in if I can make it happen money wise. Yeah, I know what I said. And, at the time, I meant it. As well, I can be a fool and a mean one, no doubts there. She may have her failings, she may have made mistakes, but she really has been there as she can, when she can, and as strongly as she can. She is only human, but a very loving one. She is the non-beatified saint of strays, drop-outs, and otherwise unwanted people. Her flaws are just there so that she is not eaten alive by us, sometimes quite ungrateful, lost souls. The bitter is there so that when we are able again to venture forth, that we do so. Distance and a new place help bring things into focus. If too, after a week or so here, I may well want to put her in the baggage compartment, if that is all there is, on the next plane out! *laughing* If she comes in winter, I will probably gear her up to be out of doors a bit. I will have to find a snowmobile rental place and take her on a low and slow outdoor tour, I plan on it myself anyway. Hey, she dressed me funny for years, I suppose it is my turn.
I must get going. Phone calls, contacts, hauling, driving, unloading, getting into my apartment, unpacking, and such await and the day is so very short. Oh, and another shower.
You people take care of yourselves. You really are in my prayers. Sometimes for special concerns, like you and your business Jean or your recent illness D.C.. Sometimes just because I happen upon your name as I spend quiet moments letting my mind wander during my prayers. Even those, like Brigid and Enemy of the Republic and Pretty Lady, who have left here never to return. I just cannot seem to hate or harbor ill will, if I can be a bitter pill and a thick-necked bastard. I guess I got more than cooking from my Mom, if my testosterone takes her nature to new levels. Know at least one person, for certain, is praying for you, and loves you. Good day.
.
I am trying to get going. I am quite tired. I really need to push for this last part though. I am so very thirsty, tired, bruised, and such. I must be honest, I am surprised I have done this well, held together, and in the bad shape I have become since I stopped working out that I have not had a stroke, diabetic coma, or heart attack. The hours awake, the physical and emotional stresses, the poor diet, the perpetual dehydration in spite of drinking gallons of stuff a day, and a number of other things really make me wonder why I am not toast. God either really has something for me or I am the luckiest (unluckiest) cuss cur that has ever swindled so much life out of one overwrought corpse!
"That don't confront me none, as long as I get my check next payday", I think that is how the song goes. I need to really hop and go as fast and strongly as I can. And, because I have done as well as I can, for this long, and over what I thought remotely possible, I have revised my first week's itinerary. I will not spend it sleeping. I will be out, first on foot looking at the University, meeting neighbors and friends, making small contacts in the community, finding out where hiking and driving trails are, getting my swimming pass, and finding out where to eat. Perhaps even working out whether I feel I have the energy or not.
Though I am sore, bruised, tired, and weak, I am so tightened up from the trip and moving that it would surely be a waste to let that pass. Seeing my bellyfat in full length mirrors has horrified me. I do not mind being ugly, I was born that way. But I do not like being like this. That is my fault. And, I mean to do something about it. Oh, I was able to bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees though! There might be some hope. Yep, this time, as soon as I am in, is the time to jump on it and push as hard as I can. When I really need a break, I will take it, but for now, I think my job is to push up and on.
I should also admit, I will be having my Mom up sometime soon. She may end up being in a hotel, the one I am staying in if I can make it happen money wise. Yeah, I know what I said. And, at the time, I meant it. As well, I can be a fool and a mean one, no doubts there. She may have her failings, she may have made mistakes, but she really has been there as she can, when she can, and as strongly as she can. She is only human, but a very loving one. She is the non-beatified saint of strays, drop-outs, and otherwise unwanted people. Her flaws are just there so that she is not eaten alive by us, sometimes quite ungrateful, lost souls. The bitter is there so that when we are able again to venture forth, that we do so. Distance and a new place help bring things into focus. If too, after a week or so here, I may well want to put her in the baggage compartment, if that is all there is, on the next plane out! *laughing* If she comes in winter, I will probably gear her up to be out of doors a bit. I will have to find a snowmobile rental place and take her on a low and slow outdoor tour, I plan on it myself anyway. Hey, she dressed me funny for years, I suppose it is my turn.
I must get going. Phone calls, contacts, hauling, driving, unloading, getting into my apartment, unpacking, and such await and the day is so very short. Oh, and another shower.
You people take care of yourselves. You really are in my prayers. Sometimes for special concerns, like you and your business Jean or your recent illness D.C.. Sometimes just because I happen upon your name as I spend quiet moments letting my mind wander during my prayers. Even those, like Brigid and Enemy of the Republic and Pretty Lady, who have left here never to return. I just cannot seem to hate or harbor ill will, if I can be a bitter pill and a thick-necked bastard. I guess I got more than cooking from my Mom, if my testosterone takes her nature to new levels. Know at least one person, for certain, is praying for you, and loves you. Good day.
Tempation knocks.
.
.
I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.
I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.
They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.
I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.
I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.
At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.
I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.
If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.
Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.
.
I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.
I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.
They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.
I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.
I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.
At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.
I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.
If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.
Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The day is done.
.
.
I have done what I could. I did go look at some of the storage units, but none were climate controlled as my search had specified. I did a bit more digging. The climate control places are not open currently and are simply not accessible at this time. I will need to wake early and make some calls. I was not able to make contact with the man with whom my previous neighbor was trying to put me in contact. I did find a place to get a decent sandwich. Though they were closing, they allowed me to eat right there, and stay a little later. I was quite grateful. I am pretty sure I smelled 'bud'. I neither do the stuff nor tolerate it in my domain at all, but I know it when I smell it. Since they were gracious, I will stay mum. I also was able to find a place to wash my SUV. It really needed it, the windows were difficult to see through. Dust, rain, and stuff from the road really did a number on the poor creature. I also found my apartment. It is not the prettiest thing, but it will most likely do very well. It looks like a two story college student type of place. Not bad, perhaps there will be more going on and a little more access to activities. The young have a way of quickening us fossils. Perhaps with my Xterra and money to a degree, and their enthusiasm, I can become younger and they can become wiser? It could happen. :p
Driving the Xterra instead of the nasty moving truck and trailer has been fantastic. I still catch myself trying to add in room for turns, slowing down well in advance, and in most other fashions driving as if I was still in the monster. I will be driving the big truck one more time, to unload it. Then I will be free of it for some time. Next time, I will put in a reservation so far in advance, and check on it, to ensure I will not get stuck with such a large truck! Then again, without the trailer, it might be fine as is. The Xterra is still very packed, however, so I probably still need to take some care. The rear view mirror is obstructed as well, which puts me right back into the hauler truck by similarity.
While driving around the last few days, I have been having a strange feeling. I could not quite put my finger on it until tonight. I feel as if I have lived here before. There is a familiarity with the place that is uncanny. I feel like I am home, for good or ill, but mostly for the good I think. The people I have seen, the stores I have driven by, the facilities available and that I have used all bear the mark of having been from my past. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply in a terrible accident and forgot who I was. Everyone else knows, and knows me, but have been told not to tell me or I might not be able to handle it. Perhaps I was a monster, perhaps merely another, who knows. I know it is silly, but there it is. And, as I joined the Catholic Church, then moved here, I feel that I am triangulating on something. Whether that something is my future or my past, or both, I cannot tell. Being as tired as I am, my mind just tumbles through possibilities, thoughts, feelings, and such as if dreaming on my feet. I know this. But I cannot shake the feeling that this new place is indeed not new at all. Perhaps, simply, I belong here. That is a powerful thing all on it's own.
I did have an unusual experience tonight. I was getting money out of an atm. A black man drove up, it was night, I had just entered, and I got a little twitchy. Size and skill are only half of it, dealing with bad situations, win, lose, or draw, has a hefty price. He stayed in his car until I got my money then went to my vehicle. I had forgotten my receipt! And, yes, I was thinking what to do. He came out, with the receipt, and approached me in my vehicle. He looked for acknowledgment about whether to approach and I gave it. He offered me my receipt and I thanked him. Yes, it does make me think. If this is how it is here all will be good. All that I ask is decency. I may have to retrain myself. I will not need to separate good from bad if all try to be good. I may have my beliefs, theories, and such, but I am never displeased to be proven wrong or partially wrong. And I will give any man, who does right as best he is able, anything I have, including parts of my heart, mind, and soul as a brother. Though too, I will slay a thief, murder, rapist, or such without a second thought. I will have to see further evidence, but this is looking more like the place I should be at every turn. I have prayed to God for wisdom, love, and kindness. Perhaps He has lead me to where I may offer that without fear. Time will tell.
.
I have done what I could. I did go look at some of the storage units, but none were climate controlled as my search had specified. I did a bit more digging. The climate control places are not open currently and are simply not accessible at this time. I will need to wake early and make some calls. I was not able to make contact with the man with whom my previous neighbor was trying to put me in contact. I did find a place to get a decent sandwich. Though they were closing, they allowed me to eat right there, and stay a little later. I was quite grateful. I am pretty sure I smelled 'bud'. I neither do the stuff nor tolerate it in my domain at all, but I know it when I smell it. Since they were gracious, I will stay mum. I also was able to find a place to wash my SUV. It really needed it, the windows were difficult to see through. Dust, rain, and stuff from the road really did a number on the poor creature. I also found my apartment. It is not the prettiest thing, but it will most likely do very well. It looks like a two story college student type of place. Not bad, perhaps there will be more going on and a little more access to activities. The young have a way of quickening us fossils. Perhaps with my Xterra and money to a degree, and their enthusiasm, I can become younger and they can become wiser? It could happen. :p
Driving the Xterra instead of the nasty moving truck and trailer has been fantastic. I still catch myself trying to add in room for turns, slowing down well in advance, and in most other fashions driving as if I was still in the monster. I will be driving the big truck one more time, to unload it. Then I will be free of it for some time. Next time, I will put in a reservation so far in advance, and check on it, to ensure I will not get stuck with such a large truck! Then again, without the trailer, it might be fine as is. The Xterra is still very packed, however, so I probably still need to take some care. The rear view mirror is obstructed as well, which puts me right back into the hauler truck by similarity.
While driving around the last few days, I have been having a strange feeling. I could not quite put my finger on it until tonight. I feel as if I have lived here before. There is a familiarity with the place that is uncanny. I feel like I am home, for good or ill, but mostly for the good I think. The people I have seen, the stores I have driven by, the facilities available and that I have used all bear the mark of having been from my past. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply in a terrible accident and forgot who I was. Everyone else knows, and knows me, but have been told not to tell me or I might not be able to handle it. Perhaps I was a monster, perhaps merely another, who knows. I know it is silly, but there it is. And, as I joined the Catholic Church, then moved here, I feel that I am triangulating on something. Whether that something is my future or my past, or both, I cannot tell. Being as tired as I am, my mind just tumbles through possibilities, thoughts, feelings, and such as if dreaming on my feet. I know this. But I cannot shake the feeling that this new place is indeed not new at all. Perhaps, simply, I belong here. That is a powerful thing all on it's own.
I did have an unusual experience tonight. I was getting money out of an atm. A black man drove up, it was night, I had just entered, and I got a little twitchy. Size and skill are only half of it, dealing with bad situations, win, lose, or draw, has a hefty price. He stayed in his car until I got my money then went to my vehicle. I had forgotten my receipt! And, yes, I was thinking what to do. He came out, with the receipt, and approached me in my vehicle. He looked for acknowledgment about whether to approach and I gave it. He offered me my receipt and I thanked him. Yes, it does make me think. If this is how it is here all will be good. All that I ask is decency. I may have to retrain myself. I will not need to separate good from bad if all try to be good. I may have my beliefs, theories, and such, but I am never displeased to be proven wrong or partially wrong. And I will give any man, who does right as best he is able, anything I have, including parts of my heart, mind, and soul as a brother. Though too, I will slay a thief, murder, rapist, or such without a second thought. I will have to see further evidence, but this is looking more like the place I should be at every turn. I have prayed to God for wisdom, love, and kindness. Perhaps He has lead me to where I may offer that without fear. Time will tell.
Time is never enough.
.
.
What a day. My list was far longer than my day. It takes some serious time to do some things. Getting the Xterra off the trailer took far longer than I thought it would. First, I inflated the left, then part of the right, tires. I then thought to unhook the front and rear chains attaching the SUV to the trailer. I started with the front one. Oops, with the tires inflated, the chain would not budge. I had to deflate the tires all over again, all the way down. Do you have any idea how long it takes to deflate one of those mongo tires? A while, even when not quite up to inflation as it should be. Then, I had to air them up again. Though that little device is the most potent one they offer, it is relatively weak and very slow. It takes, according to them, 3 minutes to inflate a normal tire. I think it took 10 to 15 minutes to get my tires to the high 20's, which is even below where I really need them. Honestly, I do not think it can quite fill my tires.
Once that was taken care of, the rest of the work went at a good pace. But it still took a good bit of time. Once I unloaded the Xterra, I then got the trailer into a good position to detach it from the truck. Then I parked the truck as well as I could with the space given. After that, I needed to drive to several Verizon places, with no success in finding a replacement charger, so I decided to go to the hotel and place free local calls to find a source. Which I did, finally. I bumped into another Iowa native who has moved out here with his wife. We had a great conversation, and it seems he knows some great places to go off-roading, places my Xterra is good enough to go. I may have to contact him when I get settled, and offer him and his wife a trip in exchange for the knowledge. They just traded their Jeep for a Cooper Mini (which he indicates is a thrill on the on-road drives).
After that, I could only find a car charger, no wall chargers, I plugged in my phone and went to dinner. I had not eaten breakfast or lunch, so I was quite hungry. I found a little Mexican restaurant and doubled down. It was a big meal, I could not quite finish it. Fat as I am now, that used to be a small meal. Metabolism slowing down with age stinks! Anyway, after I finished the meal, I went back to the hotel to cool down, make some calls, and check some things online.
This just takes time! I know other people just get in and get it done. I am not other people. And, with my phone's battery down, my phone did not save the phone number of the man who will be leading the unpacking crew, so I am having to try various means of obtaining his number. Nothing goes quite perfectly, for me, but I seem to find a way one way or the other, of making it work. But slowly it seems. I have been getting a lot of looks. I am not sure if it is my Frankenstein good looks, my size, or the Iowa license plates.
Oh, I think I saw Brigid, perhaps, when visiting Cabela's Center in Sydney. Maybe, maybe not, I will never know for sure. I do not know if she recognized me, but I would guess if she was there it was to try to espy me. Perhaps even to say hello, though with her being really mad at me, perhaps not. And, of course, it could have just been a figment of my splendid paranoia, imagination, or whatnot. If it was her, I feel bad for not having asked. And, I feel bad if she recognized me she did not say hello. Oh well, probably just that "the man in the ______ suit is a spy" (from some old song) type of game.
As soon as it cools off a bit (it hit mid-90's today, and will again tomorrow) and the traffic slows, I will go out and look at the apartment complex I will be moving into. It was too late to call the landlady by the time my phone was charged, or any of the storage units, but I can at least get an idea of where it is and what the area is like. I will probably also stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a padlock, and go scouting a right proper climate controlled storage unit. If I find one, I will just lock it and leave a note or get their number and call tomorrow. This town is a breeze to navigate and seems quite safe, at least for me. But then I see kids out and they seem fairly secure. It seems like a different world, a world I have been seeking. I would also like to find a place to wash the Xterra. Oh, and if I find a place to store my goods, I might unpack what I can of the Xterra, or I should say, unpack that which is going to be stored. Much of what is in there will be going into the apartment, at least for a once through review and consideration.
Though hot today, this seems like an unusual situation. The radio hostess called it a heat spike or heat wave, and deemed it unusual. After today and tomorrow, it is supposed to drop into the mid-80's, perhaps cooling more for the weekend. Though the 90's are hot, it is not like Iowa. There is simply no humidity. And, for that reason, when the sun sets, the world really cools off here. When you dry off, after a shower here, you stay dry. Wonderful.
Oh, I know there are problems, difficulties, things which will be uncomfortable, and such here as anywhere. But I really think I will learn to change my tastes, demands, and wants for here rather than the other way around, for the most part. I saw horses corralled right in town for heavens sakes! How could this be a bad place? Motorcycles never did it for me. Horses would be my thing, if I can handle the care and such or find a way to reasonably farm that out. Who knows, maybe someone wants their horses ridden more and will just turn over the reins.
Well, I am just blathering now, again, more. I will call this off and write more as I figure things out and as plans start coming together or are completed. Have a great day.
.
What a day. My list was far longer than my day. It takes some serious time to do some things. Getting the Xterra off the trailer took far longer than I thought it would. First, I inflated the left, then part of the right, tires. I then thought to unhook the front and rear chains attaching the SUV to the trailer. I started with the front one. Oops, with the tires inflated, the chain would not budge. I had to deflate the tires all over again, all the way down. Do you have any idea how long it takes to deflate one of those mongo tires? A while, even when not quite up to inflation as it should be. Then, I had to air them up again. Though that little device is the most potent one they offer, it is relatively weak and very slow. It takes, according to them, 3 minutes to inflate a normal tire. I think it took 10 to 15 minutes to get my tires to the high 20's, which is even below where I really need them. Honestly, I do not think it can quite fill my tires.
Once that was taken care of, the rest of the work went at a good pace. But it still took a good bit of time. Once I unloaded the Xterra, I then got the trailer into a good position to detach it from the truck. Then I parked the truck as well as I could with the space given. After that, I needed to drive to several Verizon places, with no success in finding a replacement charger, so I decided to go to the hotel and place free local calls to find a source. Which I did, finally. I bumped into another Iowa native who has moved out here with his wife. We had a great conversation, and it seems he knows some great places to go off-roading, places my Xterra is good enough to go. I may have to contact him when I get settled, and offer him and his wife a trip in exchange for the knowledge. They just traded their Jeep for a Cooper Mini (which he indicates is a thrill on the on-road drives).
After that, I could only find a car charger, no wall chargers, I plugged in my phone and went to dinner. I had not eaten breakfast or lunch, so I was quite hungry. I found a little Mexican restaurant and doubled down. It was a big meal, I could not quite finish it. Fat as I am now, that used to be a small meal. Metabolism slowing down with age stinks! Anyway, after I finished the meal, I went back to the hotel to cool down, make some calls, and check some things online.
This just takes time! I know other people just get in and get it done. I am not other people. And, with my phone's battery down, my phone did not save the phone number of the man who will be leading the unpacking crew, so I am having to try various means of obtaining his number. Nothing goes quite perfectly, for me, but I seem to find a way one way or the other, of making it work. But slowly it seems. I have been getting a lot of looks. I am not sure if it is my Frankenstein good looks, my size, or the Iowa license plates.
Oh, I think I saw Brigid, perhaps, when visiting Cabela's Center in Sydney. Maybe, maybe not, I will never know for sure. I do not know if she recognized me, but I would guess if she was there it was to try to espy me. Perhaps even to say hello, though with her being really mad at me, perhaps not. And, of course, it could have just been a figment of my splendid paranoia, imagination, or whatnot. If it was her, I feel bad for not having asked. And, I feel bad if she recognized me she did not say hello. Oh well, probably just that "the man in the ______ suit is a spy" (from some old song) type of game.
As soon as it cools off a bit (it hit mid-90's today, and will again tomorrow) and the traffic slows, I will go out and look at the apartment complex I will be moving into. It was too late to call the landlady by the time my phone was charged, or any of the storage units, but I can at least get an idea of where it is and what the area is like. I will probably also stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a padlock, and go scouting a right proper climate controlled storage unit. If I find one, I will just lock it and leave a note or get their number and call tomorrow. This town is a breeze to navigate and seems quite safe, at least for me. But then I see kids out and they seem fairly secure. It seems like a different world, a world I have been seeking. I would also like to find a place to wash the Xterra. Oh, and if I find a place to store my goods, I might unpack what I can of the Xterra, or I should say, unpack that which is going to be stored. Much of what is in there will be going into the apartment, at least for a once through review and consideration.
Though hot today, this seems like an unusual situation. The radio hostess called it a heat spike or heat wave, and deemed it unusual. After today and tomorrow, it is supposed to drop into the mid-80's, perhaps cooling more for the weekend. Though the 90's are hot, it is not like Iowa. There is simply no humidity. And, for that reason, when the sun sets, the world really cools off here. When you dry off, after a shower here, you stay dry. Wonderful.
Oh, I know there are problems, difficulties, things which will be uncomfortable, and such here as anywhere. But I really think I will learn to change my tastes, demands, and wants for here rather than the other way around, for the most part. I saw horses corralled right in town for heavens sakes! How could this be a bad place? Motorcycles never did it for me. Horses would be my thing, if I can handle the care and such or find a way to reasonably farm that out. Who knows, maybe someone wants their horses ridden more and will just turn over the reins.
Well, I am just blathering now, again, more. I will call this off and write more as I figure things out and as plans start coming together or are completed. Have a great day.
Awake, but...
.
.
I arrived so much earlier last night to this hotel than I did yesterday to the first hotel, I had become some what acclimated to driving long hours and sitting in that seat, and I showered and cooled off before going to sleep last night, and then I slept like a baby. I think I slept like a baby. How about this, I remember how well I slept as well as I remember how well I slept when I was a baby? Ah forget it, those sayings never make sense. I am trying to say I slept soundly. I woke roughly, as yesterday, and my wake up call was at 9:45 again. But I am very tired and sore. My muscles ache, from arm to leg to odd places. My joints have been shaken and stirred. Bruises and anonymous pain nerve reception is to be had across many and varied parts of the U.S.S. Doom, often not exactly identifiably so. Is that pain coming from a thumb, lower back, or a toe?
No, though, that is not a complaint. Not that I am a masochist, it is just that I like it to show when I have done something that, for me anyway, was a big job. If I could climb Mount Everest, swim the Mississippi, pack out the length of the U.S. Continental Divide, or dive the Arctic Sea over a week, but felt no distress, what would it be? This pain tells me I have done something. And more, it tells me I can do more. It has tightened me up (a bit, hush!). And, it has shown how much I have left to do. After just using the home mirror for so long, and seeing myself in these huge mirrors at the hotels, I am totally aware of how bad it is now. If a full length mirror does not provide incentive toward becoming active, nothing will.
I did celebrate with some fine port last night. Two smaller glasses cheered my first night in town. I saved one last bit for tonight. Wilsford makes a super port, should you ever have an interest and a few dollars. Old Tawny, Barossa Port, to be precise.
I have several tasks I need to get to work on right away. After I shower, it will be time to call U-Haul. With the tire pump in hand, I may just add air to the Xterra's front tires and unload it here, in the parking lot. There is plenty of room at this point in time and I would have one less worry, as driving that set can be quite the thing. I still have not completely grokked the notion of turning rightly through turns so that the trailer wheels always make it cleanly. I have held my breath as I watched the trailer, and even U-Haul truck when I first started driving, ride over curb walls and such. I just went a little slower, turned the wheel a bit if necessary, and it all worked out.
The drive, other than being white knuckle at times, and with the other oddities, was actually pleasant. With nearly a full moon the last few nights, only occasional spits of rain and very light winds which I never really sensed, and somewhat light traffic for the most part, I was able to look out my window from time to time. I see, again, that God is the finest artist ever. With a little sand, water, dirt, some plants, various gasses, and a palette upon which He mixes every color we can sense and then some, He has crafted or created the realizations for the painting of a most beautiful reality. From plains to foothills, from sky to clouds within that, then on to mountains, rivers, gullies, buttes, and so much more, I often felt as if I was driving in a most wondrous painting that just never quit. And, though I do not sense beauty in the way so many seem to do, or say they do (I am suspicious you know), I do see scope, breadth, width, and I have awe, if I do not always understand how those things fit into my reality, your reality, all reality, or God's truth. I suppose I am an unattached observer, just not an dead one, or at least not an completely dead one. My eyes, my God, my eyes. What a magical and spectacular scene I have witnessed these last days.
The drive into Logan was through the lens of moonlight. But I could easily see that there are mountains around, and quite close on the drive into town. There were no exaggerations as to this place. It is a valley crested by mountains to the east and west, the humidity is very low, the people are simply nice so far, and I already get the sense that this might well be the place I am supposed to live, maybe to my death. I also feel a strong pull to push out of my little place, to strengthen my body, to begin living healthier, and to begin doing those things I had always dreamed of doing. I must take a bit of care, however. Though, for example, I would love to go climbing, I must get in decent physical shape before I do that. I would love to become a licensed scuba diver, but that will require lessons and of course the licensing but at least that has a built in limit. Many instructors will not take on a student unless they can perform a 1/2 mile straight swim, or so. I see so much to do here, I see too the way. But there is nothing stopping me from taking stock of my new environment with some drives and well controlled hikes. I am excited. That last sentence understates it, but it will do for now.
I suspect, too, if I do as I hope, I become fit and then active, and then maintain that for a bit, I will then begin contemplating school again. Oh, I know! I said earlier that I was not a masochist, but I keep running my mental tongue over that open psychic nerve! School, engineering school anyway, even for healthy happy smart people, is a brutal thing. For those who are disabled, it is like a legless unassisted 'climb' of Mount Everest. But for those called to it, those who like to tinker, those who enjoy challenges, and, well, geeks, engineering school is the pinnacle of achievement. A degree can only be topped by a masters degree. A Ph. D., whoever, to my mind, is a step down. It would limit one to academia, for the most part, and the jobs would not be so fun. Perhaps even research would become more limited. If one can, I think, one must. And despite my many difficulties, if I can get in shape and become active, I can do this as well.
I should say this too. The U of Iowa, actually, is a fine institute. I did razz it. But that was me having difficulty and finding something, anything at times, to blame. And, I will openly admit, I did so unfairly. The professors might be liberal, but they were not unfair. The admin was good. The grounds are beautiful. The students I came to know were very good. But I do hold that a lot of cheating went on. It probably occurs on all campuses. I think it is just impossible to avoid. I think why it is allowed to go on is because the system believes the cheaters will either get caught or their system is not up to cheating their whole way through and they will eventually academically die on their own crooked academic sword sooner or later. It must be akin to why police do not mess with every inexactitude they see. So, fine, you have it from the complainer, and straight.
Okay, what to do again? (this is just me, rethinking everything, you can skip this and still get a B+, maybe an A-) I have reserved this room for one more night, to make sure all other things will be in proper shape for my purposes and in proper time at my new place. Now I need to call U-Haul, and then figure how best to do things with that. If at all possible, I need to get the Xterra on her fully inflated wheels and find the Verizon store, contact my landlady, but first probably find something suitably good, sustaining yet mild, and somewhat light to eat. Then, I need to contact the gentlemen who will be helping me pack. Oh, I had best find an appropriate storage facility first, then contact them. But, first of all, another shower. A hot shower, now that I am cool, rested, and otherwise good, will help to heal, fortify, and allow my ugly carcass to be as presentable as possible.
By the way, since I did not die while packing, during the drive, or yet in my new fishbowl, and as soon as I am comfortably settled into my new cave and find some local internet hot spots, I will complete my promise. I will tell you my last deadly sin. I will tell you about my final secret. You will then know all I know, and may then evaluate me at your leisure. Should you find the need, I will give you the first stone. If too, I will suggest you remember what happened when Christ happened upon the stoning of the prostitute (no, I am not a prostitute!). Analogy, people, sheesh. Besides, who would buy? Now that is funny. I am looking in the mirror as I type (no choice really). I am not even sure a purveyor of fine human meats would buy this chunk of humabeef. Anyway, you will know what I had said I would tell.
Well, time to hit the thing and get going. I hope you find success, but more importantly love, in your daily doings. Be well and kneel to Wisdom, when you realize it.
*poof, finally!*
.
I arrived so much earlier last night to this hotel than I did yesterday to the first hotel, I had become some what acclimated to driving long hours and sitting in that seat, and I showered and cooled off before going to sleep last night, and then I slept like a baby. I think I slept like a baby. How about this, I remember how well I slept as well as I remember how well I slept when I was a baby? Ah forget it, those sayings never make sense. I am trying to say I slept soundly. I woke roughly, as yesterday, and my wake up call was at 9:45 again. But I am very tired and sore. My muscles ache, from arm to leg to odd places. My joints have been shaken and stirred. Bruises and anonymous pain nerve reception is to be had across many and varied parts of the U.S.S. Doom, often not exactly identifiably so. Is that pain coming from a thumb, lower back, or a toe?
No, though, that is not a complaint. Not that I am a masochist, it is just that I like it to show when I have done something that, for me anyway, was a big job. If I could climb Mount Everest, swim the Mississippi, pack out the length of the U.S. Continental Divide, or dive the Arctic Sea over a week, but felt no distress, what would it be? This pain tells me I have done something. And more, it tells me I can do more. It has tightened me up (a bit, hush!). And, it has shown how much I have left to do. After just using the home mirror for so long, and seeing myself in these huge mirrors at the hotels, I am totally aware of how bad it is now. If a full length mirror does not provide incentive toward becoming active, nothing will.
I did celebrate with some fine port last night. Two smaller glasses cheered my first night in town. I saved one last bit for tonight. Wilsford makes a super port, should you ever have an interest and a few dollars. Old Tawny, Barossa Port, to be precise.
I have several tasks I need to get to work on right away. After I shower, it will be time to call U-Haul. With the tire pump in hand, I may just add air to the Xterra's front tires and unload it here, in the parking lot. There is plenty of room at this point in time and I would have one less worry, as driving that set can be quite the thing. I still have not completely grokked the notion of turning rightly through turns so that the trailer wheels always make it cleanly. I have held my breath as I watched the trailer, and even U-Haul truck when I first started driving, ride over curb walls and such. I just went a little slower, turned the wheel a bit if necessary, and it all worked out.
The drive, other than being white knuckle at times, and with the other oddities, was actually pleasant. With nearly a full moon the last few nights, only occasional spits of rain and very light winds which I never really sensed, and somewhat light traffic for the most part, I was able to look out my window from time to time. I see, again, that God is the finest artist ever. With a little sand, water, dirt, some plants, various gasses, and a palette upon which He mixes every color we can sense and then some, He has crafted or created the realizations for the painting of a most beautiful reality. From plains to foothills, from sky to clouds within that, then on to mountains, rivers, gullies, buttes, and so much more, I often felt as if I was driving in a most wondrous painting that just never quit. And, though I do not sense beauty in the way so many seem to do, or say they do (I am suspicious you know), I do see scope, breadth, width, and I have awe, if I do not always understand how those things fit into my reality, your reality, all reality, or God's truth. I suppose I am an unattached observer, just not an dead one, or at least not an completely dead one. My eyes, my God, my eyes. What a magical and spectacular scene I have witnessed these last days.
The drive into Logan was through the lens of moonlight. But I could easily see that there are mountains around, and quite close on the drive into town. There were no exaggerations as to this place. It is a valley crested by mountains to the east and west, the humidity is very low, the people are simply nice so far, and I already get the sense that this might well be the place I am supposed to live, maybe to my death. I also feel a strong pull to push out of my little place, to strengthen my body, to begin living healthier, and to begin doing those things I had always dreamed of doing. I must take a bit of care, however. Though, for example, I would love to go climbing, I must get in decent physical shape before I do that. I would love to become a licensed scuba diver, but that will require lessons and of course the licensing but at least that has a built in limit. Many instructors will not take on a student unless they can perform a 1/2 mile straight swim, or so. I see so much to do here, I see too the way. But there is nothing stopping me from taking stock of my new environment with some drives and well controlled hikes. I am excited. That last sentence understates it, but it will do for now.
I suspect, too, if I do as I hope, I become fit and then active, and then maintain that for a bit, I will then begin contemplating school again. Oh, I know! I said earlier that I was not a masochist, but I keep running my mental tongue over that open psychic nerve! School, engineering school anyway, even for healthy happy smart people, is a brutal thing. For those who are disabled, it is like a legless unassisted 'climb' of Mount Everest. But for those called to it, those who like to tinker, those who enjoy challenges, and, well, geeks, engineering school is the pinnacle of achievement. A degree can only be topped by a masters degree. A Ph. D., whoever, to my mind, is a step down. It would limit one to academia, for the most part, and the jobs would not be so fun. Perhaps even research would become more limited. If one can, I think, one must. And despite my many difficulties, if I can get in shape and become active, I can do this as well.
I should say this too. The U of Iowa, actually, is a fine institute. I did razz it. But that was me having difficulty and finding something, anything at times, to blame. And, I will openly admit, I did so unfairly. The professors might be liberal, but they were not unfair. The admin was good. The grounds are beautiful. The students I came to know were very good. But I do hold that a lot of cheating went on. It probably occurs on all campuses. I think it is just impossible to avoid. I think why it is allowed to go on is because the system believes the cheaters will either get caught or their system is not up to cheating their whole way through and they will eventually academically die on their own crooked academic sword sooner or later. It must be akin to why police do not mess with every inexactitude they see. So, fine, you have it from the complainer, and straight.
Okay, what to do again? (this is just me, rethinking everything, you can skip this and still get a B+, maybe an A-) I have reserved this room for one more night, to make sure all other things will be in proper shape for my purposes and in proper time at my new place. Now I need to call U-Haul, and then figure how best to do things with that. If at all possible, I need to get the Xterra on her fully inflated wheels and find the Verizon store, contact my landlady, but first probably find something suitably good, sustaining yet mild, and somewhat light to eat. Then, I need to contact the gentlemen who will be helping me pack. Oh, I had best find an appropriate storage facility first, then contact them. But, first of all, another shower. A hot shower, now that I am cool, rested, and otherwise good, will help to heal, fortify, and allow my ugly carcass to be as presentable as possible.
By the way, since I did not die while packing, during the drive, or yet in my new fishbowl, and as soon as I am comfortably settled into my new cave and find some local internet hot spots, I will complete my promise. I will tell you my last deadly sin. I will tell you about my final secret. You will then know all I know, and may then evaluate me at your leisure. Should you find the need, I will give you the first stone. If too, I will suggest you remember what happened when Christ happened upon the stoning of the prostitute (no, I am not a prostitute!). Analogy, people, sheesh. Besides, who would buy? Now that is funny. I am looking in the mirror as I type (no choice really). I am not even sure a purveyor of fine human meats would buy this chunk of humabeef. Anyway, you will know what I had said I would tell.
Well, time to hit the thing and get going. I hope you find success, but more importantly love, in your daily doings. Be well and kneel to Wisdom, when you realize it.
*poof, finally!*
Hrumph!
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As for those dear readers, and my friends and family back home who thought I was going to chicken out or simply fail to move, all I have to say is... I am here. I sit at my hotel in Logan, a very nice one obtained through some price grab internet thing. The one with W. Shatner. Not bad, really. The price to quality is silly. The only downside is that there is no choice and no way to cancel. For today's purposes, that is irrelevant. I am finally here!
The only problem I have had so far, which has cascaded a bit, is that the charger to my phone is... packed... somewhere. I had left it where it would be "safe", but toward the end I was too tired to watch it and even if I had told others about it, we were all so tired I am not sure it would have mattered. I was able to let the phone sit overnight and call my mother in the morning. I had the other phone numbers for her so she could call my neighbor and lady friend. However, without the phone, I had to wing and prayer it to the hotel, and regarding U-Haul for the moment.
In the morning, I will find if U-Haul has a local office, then call my new apartment manager, and perhaps find a Verizon store for either a free quick charge or a new charger. A lot of things are still up in the air, but just the details. The fundamental reality is that I am indeed in a new place. I am so very beat though. I may end up needing an extra day of rest, time to take care of a few details and make connections, and get a moving party together. I did do something as soon as I entered my new city. I saw a huge Wal-Mart. I decided to stop and see if they had a portable tire inflation device, dc. They did, they actually had 3. I got the biggest and best, though not to be particular. The tires on the Xterra are massive, I really need the extra capablity. I have not stopped drinking soda, as I had said I would on the trip. It bugs me, greatly, but I have ended up really needing it to stay awake. There is, as usual, always tomorrow.
Hey kids, it is bed time. I need to shower, have a bit of port, and then get some sleep. Perhaps I will write more in the morning (and edit if need be, though it probably will be). Sweet dreams.
.
As for those dear readers, and my friends and family back home who thought I was going to chicken out or simply fail to move, all I have to say is... I am here. I sit at my hotel in Logan, a very nice one obtained through some price grab internet thing. The one with W. Shatner. Not bad, really. The price to quality is silly. The only downside is that there is no choice and no way to cancel. For today's purposes, that is irrelevant. I am finally here!
The only problem I have had so far, which has cascaded a bit, is that the charger to my phone is... packed... somewhere. I had left it where it would be "safe", but toward the end I was too tired to watch it and even if I had told others about it, we were all so tired I am not sure it would have mattered. I was able to let the phone sit overnight and call my mother in the morning. I had the other phone numbers for her so she could call my neighbor and lady friend. However, without the phone, I had to wing and prayer it to the hotel, and regarding U-Haul for the moment.
In the morning, I will find if U-Haul has a local office, then call my new apartment manager, and perhaps find a Verizon store for either a free quick charge or a new charger. A lot of things are still up in the air, but just the details. The fundamental reality is that I am indeed in a new place. I am so very beat though. I may end up needing an extra day of rest, time to take care of a few details and make connections, and get a moving party together. I did do something as soon as I entered my new city. I saw a huge Wal-Mart. I decided to stop and see if they had a portable tire inflation device, dc. They did, they actually had 3. I got the biggest and best, though not to be particular. The tires on the Xterra are massive, I really need the extra capablity. I have not stopped drinking soda, as I had said I would on the trip. It bugs me, greatly, but I have ended up really needing it to stay awake. There is, as usual, always tomorrow.
Hey kids, it is bed time. I need to shower, have a bit of port, and then get some sleep. Perhaps I will write more in the morning (and edit if need be, though it probably will be). Sweet dreams.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
A good night's rest sure helps.
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I had one thing in favor for me last night, and really, this morning. I left Central time and entered Mountain time, so it was 3:25 instead of 4:25 last night. That extra hour of sleep was a great gift. I woke up when called at 9:45 if it took a bit to get out of bed. I had feared I would fall back to sleep and not wake up in time to shower. I have had my shower, as it turns out, and am about to use the jacuzzi again! My bones, joints, muscles, and even one of my ears is sore. Well, mostly, the ear might be a fib. But the rest is real and I ache from toes to scalp. A quick hot water blast might be just the ticket. Then I will have to see about some food. Being this late, there might not be a thing left. But there must be something somewhere.
Not much more to say, other than I worked it well so I will be on the road fast after the splash. Oh, and that my cellphone battery died and... my recharge cord got packed around me. *sigh* I could not call a single person last night. I will figure it out.
Have a great day.
.
I had one thing in favor for me last night, and really, this morning. I left Central time and entered Mountain time, so it was 3:25 instead of 4:25 last night. That extra hour of sleep was a great gift. I woke up when called at 9:45 if it took a bit to get out of bed. I had feared I would fall back to sleep and not wake up in time to shower. I have had my shower, as it turns out, and am about to use the jacuzzi again! My bones, joints, muscles, and even one of my ears is sore. Well, mostly, the ear might be a fib. But the rest is real and I ache from toes to scalp. A quick hot water blast might be just the ticket. Then I will have to see about some food. Being this late, there might not be a thing left. But there must be something somewhere.
Not much more to say, other than I worked it well so I will be on the road fast after the splash. Oh, and that my cellphone battery died and... my recharge cord got packed around me. *sigh* I could not call a single person last night. I will figure it out.
Have a great day.
Short but sweet.
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I have made it to the half-way point, and then some. It is 4:10 am, so I will keep this brief.
The drive was uneventful, barring one time when I needed to finagle the truck and trailer out of the fueling station. I got in well, but getting extricated from the space took some work (and lots of luck). The behemoth manages well at 75 mph. Some of the roads were making me nervous, more on the downside of hills, though some interchanges and bridge work was worrying. I learned how to turn off over-drive, which helped with the hills. There is nothing to do about bad roads. Considering I have never driven anything this big before, let alone towed something and something as big as the Xterra, I have done well so far.
The apartment was completely stripped! Between my lady friend, my neighbor, and another neighbor, no trash was even left. Everything I wanted to take was taken. Everything I wanted packed was packed, if toward the end it was rather random. If it had not been for my long time lady friend and my long term neighbor, much would have been left and the cave would have been filled with boxes, trash (not garbage, just stuff), and items I had not been able to pack. Those two where heaven sends. I have to admit, I am a lucky man. That I do not believe in luck other than that which one makes... I will have to revise that last theory. :p
The hotel is quite nice. I have showered, figured out their wireless internet (by myself for the first time), and am about to soak in a jacuzzi. I figured I would need that after this week, and it was only a bit more. Since I paid for it, in I go. I might shower and do it again in the morning, if I can wake by 9:00 or even 10:00. Wish me luck. Oh, there is a huge Cabela's in town. I plan on looking there tomorrow. I am hoping to find two items. If there, I will buy in as much quantity as possible, but I doubt if what I want they will have. Even so, it will be fun to look around. I also need a device which will inflate tires. If Cabela's does not have it, Wal-Mart might. I looked in Coralville, at the Wal-Mart there, but no luck.
Hey kids, it is now 4:23. Between blogging, tending the jacuzzi fill, and a few odds and ends, time has flown. I have 5 to 6 hours to sleep, minus jacuzzi time, so... If you will... Hey, you, get outta here! Shut the door on your way. *smile* I will keep you in my prayers, even if you do pester me for information so wickedly.
.
I have made it to the half-way point, and then some. It is 4:10 am, so I will keep this brief.
The drive was uneventful, barring one time when I needed to finagle the truck and trailer out of the fueling station. I got in well, but getting extricated from the space took some work (and lots of luck). The behemoth manages well at 75 mph. Some of the roads were making me nervous, more on the downside of hills, though some interchanges and bridge work was worrying. I learned how to turn off over-drive, which helped with the hills. There is nothing to do about bad roads. Considering I have never driven anything this big before, let alone towed something and something as big as the Xterra, I have done well so far.
The apartment was completely stripped! Between my lady friend, my neighbor, and another neighbor, no trash was even left. Everything I wanted to take was taken. Everything I wanted packed was packed, if toward the end it was rather random. If it had not been for my long time lady friend and my long term neighbor, much would have been left and the cave would have been filled with boxes, trash (not garbage, just stuff), and items I had not been able to pack. Those two where heaven sends. I have to admit, I am a lucky man. That I do not believe in luck other than that which one makes... I will have to revise that last theory. :p
The hotel is quite nice. I have showered, figured out their wireless internet (by myself for the first time), and am about to soak in a jacuzzi. I figured I would need that after this week, and it was only a bit more. Since I paid for it, in I go. I might shower and do it again in the morning, if I can wake by 9:00 or even 10:00. Wish me luck. Oh, there is a huge Cabela's in town. I plan on looking there tomorrow. I am hoping to find two items. If there, I will buy in as much quantity as possible, but I doubt if what I want they will have. Even so, it will be fun to look around. I also need a device which will inflate tires. If Cabela's does not have it, Wal-Mart might. I looked in Coralville, at the Wal-Mart there, but no luck.
Hey kids, it is now 4:23. Between blogging, tending the jacuzzi fill, and a few odds and ends, time has flown. I have 5 to 6 hours to sleep, minus jacuzzi time, so... If you will... Hey, you, get outta here! Shut the door on your way. *smile* I will keep you in my prayers, even if you do pester me for information so wickedly.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A long few days.
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I was not nearly ready, and even at this time, things are looking grim. At least all of the big things are in the truck, the Xterra is loaded, and just a ton of minor and little things are left for the haul. My lady friend came through, as did my neighbor and several friends of his. It was still too hot when I returned with the rig and SUV in tow, but my neighbor and friends did most of the lifting. After they finished that part I was able to jump into the shower, turn on the a/c, and get my core temp in order. Once that was done, I was able to dig back in.
I bawled like a baby when saying goodbye to my lady friend. We agree on nothing, we do not even think enough alike to disagree properly. I cannot say I ever hate her, though I do worry about her, disagree with just about everything she thinks and how she comes to think those things, and such. It is a weird relationship, but it was one of the things that was precious to me. I have moved, and often enough, that I am pretty sure that is the end. Tears well, the throat tightens, and I hurt even as I write this. But I know it is as it must be. Perhaps she will call from time to time, or write, perhaps email when she gets such. But at the distance and with so little in common, this is an end I believe.
My neighbors will be greatly missed as well. I feel I have been a great burden to them, though, so there is some comfort there. They are busy as a family and professionally. Now they can get on with their serious work, family, and such. They might not feel it, but I feel like it will be better not to have such stresses from a strange neighbor. That goodbye will be very sad, though, too. I will deal with it when it comes. Thankfully, those are the only long term goodbyes I have.
I had best get back to packing. Time is short, work, lots of it, remains, and a very long drive, plus unloading and sorting is left to me. After I am at the apartment, unloaded as I can be there, the rest in storage, and a few food items and amenities assured, I can then lock myself in, bawl to my hearts need, rest as I can, then begin anew. No more fear remains, only bated curiosity and a little hope.
Good night. I will try to blog on the road, well, at the hotels. Both have internet access. It depends upon how exhausted I am though too, especially that first night. Be well.
.
I was not nearly ready, and even at this time, things are looking grim. At least all of the big things are in the truck, the Xterra is loaded, and just a ton of minor and little things are left for the haul. My lady friend came through, as did my neighbor and several friends of his. It was still too hot when I returned with the rig and SUV in tow, but my neighbor and friends did most of the lifting. After they finished that part I was able to jump into the shower, turn on the a/c, and get my core temp in order. Once that was done, I was able to dig back in.
I bawled like a baby when saying goodbye to my lady friend. We agree on nothing, we do not even think enough alike to disagree properly. I cannot say I ever hate her, though I do worry about her, disagree with just about everything she thinks and how she comes to think those things, and such. It is a weird relationship, but it was one of the things that was precious to me. I have moved, and often enough, that I am pretty sure that is the end. Tears well, the throat tightens, and I hurt even as I write this. But I know it is as it must be. Perhaps she will call from time to time, or write, perhaps email when she gets such. But at the distance and with so little in common, this is an end I believe.
My neighbors will be greatly missed as well. I feel I have been a great burden to them, though, so there is some comfort there. They are busy as a family and professionally. Now they can get on with their serious work, family, and such. They might not feel it, but I feel like it will be better not to have such stresses from a strange neighbor. That goodbye will be very sad, though, too. I will deal with it when it comes. Thankfully, those are the only long term goodbyes I have.
I had best get back to packing. Time is short, work, lots of it, remains, and a very long drive, plus unloading and sorting is left to me. After I am at the apartment, unloaded as I can be there, the rest in storage, and a few food items and amenities assured, I can then lock myself in, bawl to my hearts need, rest as I can, then begin anew. No more fear remains, only bated curiosity and a little hope.
Good night. I will try to blog on the road, well, at the hotels. Both have internet access. It depends upon how exhausted I am though too, especially that first night. Be well.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Running around like a fool.
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Oh, the reason I was not posting here or commenting at your place was everything went bad. First, I gave my computer desk to my lady friend, for her new computer, yes, the one I bought her. So, I did not really have a place for the (corrupted anyway) machine, so I bought a new (little) one. Which should have been fine, but my internet dropped. My ISP simply quit working. I was about to call them anyway, to see if I could keep my email addresses after I shut down my home service. Well, they are telling that, a.) no, I cannot keep my email services active and they do not service the city to which I am moving, and b.) my internet is down and they cannot have it repaired earlier than the 3rd! This service that is down, on their end, is saying I never had my modem initiated (I have had this same service and modem for 4 years!) So, being the cleaver monkey I am, I talked with my neighbor to see if I could connect to his wireless modem. No problem he says, and he gets to work. Only, it does not work.
Meanwhile, I am trying to pack, make calls, ensure this and that is being done, and overheating most of the time. I ended up having to go back to Best Buy and have this machine looked at. As I have said, two of the Geeks tag teamed the thing and got it going, though I was not privy as to how to fix it, only that now fixed it is fixed for good. I then purchased a printer, which I had not wanted to do, but ended up needing very badly. It, it seems, is missing a cord, so I need to go back and get a new box, the cord if they have it separately, or something. Nothing is going right on top of time being almost out.
I finally have this thing working, I am blogging again a bit, I still have the printer to take back, 4 packages to send, 1/4 of a house to finish packing, and now medical worries to add to the pile. Talk about a rough week. The good news is that when I get where I am going, I can take a week off (and I am going to) before trying to even get out of bed. When everything is safely in storage, the tow wagon and truck are turned in, and my appartment is in my control with the utilitities turned on, I am going to get half a dozen gallons of bottled good water, two gallons of milk, and some minor food items, shut my door, turn off all sound, get a room a/c if needed and sleep and rest for at least a week. Finals indeed, only add a weight lifting competition and walking marathon in there for good measure, in high Iowa summer.
At least today is cooler. I have internet so I can find a free open access email service, and begin logging things over, and hope I have enough time to finish packing. I spoke to my current landlord, and at least I think I am good there. It has indeed been a rough week, even month. I hope I do not have to throw too much away, due to not being able to pack it all, but at this point, I almost do not care.
Even with all that, I have been praying deeply and strongly each night, and more regularly during the day. I have been needing and taking mid-afternoon naps, and about every other day I send God words of thanks, remind him of people who are in need, and give up my doubts and fears as I am able. I only really ask that He help keep me open to His will, as He has already graced me beyond my due. And, in spite of extreme recent stresses and a severe temptation, I have remained chaste even in my women dreams. If nothing else, God made me stubborn. Ha!
Have a good. I have work to do. Shoo!
.
Oh, the reason I was not posting here or commenting at your place was everything went bad. First, I gave my computer desk to my lady friend, for her new computer, yes, the one I bought her. So, I did not really have a place for the (corrupted anyway) machine, so I bought a new (little) one. Which should have been fine, but my internet dropped. My ISP simply quit working. I was about to call them anyway, to see if I could keep my email addresses after I shut down my home service. Well, they are telling that, a.) no, I cannot keep my email services active and they do not service the city to which I am moving, and b.) my internet is down and they cannot have it repaired earlier than the 3rd! This service that is down, on their end, is saying I never had my modem initiated (I have had this same service and modem for 4 years!) So, being the cleaver monkey I am, I talked with my neighbor to see if I could connect to his wireless modem. No problem he says, and he gets to work. Only, it does not work.
Meanwhile, I am trying to pack, make calls, ensure this and that is being done, and overheating most of the time. I ended up having to go back to Best Buy and have this machine looked at. As I have said, two of the Geeks tag teamed the thing and got it going, though I was not privy as to how to fix it, only that now fixed it is fixed for good. I then purchased a printer, which I had not wanted to do, but ended up needing very badly. It, it seems, is missing a cord, so I need to go back and get a new box, the cord if they have it separately, or something. Nothing is going right on top of time being almost out.
I finally have this thing working, I am blogging again a bit, I still have the printer to take back, 4 packages to send, 1/4 of a house to finish packing, and now medical worries to add to the pile. Talk about a rough week. The good news is that when I get where I am going, I can take a week off (and I am going to) before trying to even get out of bed. When everything is safely in storage, the tow wagon and truck are turned in, and my appartment is in my control with the utilitities turned on, I am going to get half a dozen gallons of bottled good water, two gallons of milk, and some minor food items, shut my door, turn off all sound, get a room a/c if needed and sleep and rest for at least a week. Finals indeed, only add a weight lifting competition and walking marathon in there for good measure, in high Iowa summer.
At least today is cooler. I have internet so I can find a free open access email service, and begin logging things over, and hope I have enough time to finish packing. I spoke to my current landlord, and at least I think I am good there. It has indeed been a rough week, even month. I hope I do not have to throw too much away, due to not being able to pack it all, but at this point, I almost do not care.
Even with all that, I have been praying deeply and strongly each night, and more regularly during the day. I have been needing and taking mid-afternoon naps, and about every other day I send God words of thanks, remind him of people who are in need, and give up my doubts and fears as I am able. I only really ask that He help keep me open to His will, as He has already graced me beyond my due. And, in spite of extreme recent stresses and a severe temptation, I have remained chaste even in my women dreams. If nothing else, God made me stubborn. Ha!
Have a good. I have work to do. Shoo!
Wine is fine but whisky is quicker?
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Yes, it is true. Most races are won by superior fire power. Bigger muscles, greater endurance, quicker responses, more potent product, whether the race is to the top, bottom, or end. When all else is equal, even a single greater quality can win the day heartily. I thought high blood pressure was my beer. Then I got diabetes. Ah, I thought, my whiskey! What may be now must then be called my heroine or meth, as per Ozzy's song.
I had been sore at a particular point on my body, a delicate place. I have been so busy or too tired to think about it. This morning, while I was waking up, it was bothering me again, so I investigated it consciously. It is not good. Between my torso and thigh, on the seem between the two, is a sore spot. Initially I did not pay it much attention. And, for the last week, or two is it now?, I ignored it, too busy to think, too tired when I had the time to consider it more. It is larger, now, by much, perhaps the size of a small grape. Half of it is inside my body, half of it is outside, and it is sore.
I know what this probably is. And, I will go the the VA when I get moved. They will probably want to do a biopsy. Fat chance. If they can figure it out without cutting, good. Otherwise, no dice. I suppose I just want to know what type of cancer it might be, what to look for, and to try and get an idea of how long I might have. I will not seek any more than painkillers if it is cancer. From what I have seen, asking the medical community for help on this is like giving a monkey an arch welder, a screw driver, and a wrench, and shoving it in the engine compartment. Many, especially men, die just as quickly, twice as painfully, with few original functional parts, and without hair. Who even knows how many parts they would cut off before deciding the experiment should be allowed to die. Too creepy.
Yes, I am worried. Yes, I would rather live, on the whole. No, being a medical experiment just does not do it for me. This is not how I saw the thing going down. And, who knows. Maybe it is a zit that got lost. Maybe I have just bucked the system and have become such a menche that I need a third one, so God planted the seed and I am on my way to being the father to 70. I guess things are just on hold, except the move, for a while. I just hope I can live on my own until the end. I hope I can get what groceries I might need delivered. I do not want to live with anyone or be in the hospital if this is cancer.
I do not mind dying. I have sorted it all out, spiritually, even physically. But I had been pulling for high blood pressure for a massive heart attack or stroke, while living alone. Or perhaps a diabetic coma from which I never regain consciousness. But this is going to hurt. That is the only thing I know for sure about cancer. And, at some point, the pain medicine will not work. I may, actually, need to give up my guns before they really do need to pry them from my cold dead fingers. I know how tempting that could be and I just do not want to fail now, after having survived two suicides and figuring out how to change my life away from that.
Yeah, go ahead, cheer. Some of you must be tickled pink. I cannot blame you. Even I know a rat bastard when I see one, even in the mirror. It could not happen to a nicer guy.
Back to packing. Have a good day.
.
Yes, it is true. Most races are won by superior fire power. Bigger muscles, greater endurance, quicker responses, more potent product, whether the race is to the top, bottom, or end. When all else is equal, even a single greater quality can win the day heartily. I thought high blood pressure was my beer. Then I got diabetes. Ah, I thought, my whiskey! What may be now must then be called my heroine or meth, as per Ozzy's song.
I had been sore at a particular point on my body, a delicate place. I have been so busy or too tired to think about it. This morning, while I was waking up, it was bothering me again, so I investigated it consciously. It is not good. Between my torso and thigh, on the seem between the two, is a sore spot. Initially I did not pay it much attention. And, for the last week, or two is it now?, I ignored it, too busy to think, too tired when I had the time to consider it more. It is larger, now, by much, perhaps the size of a small grape. Half of it is inside my body, half of it is outside, and it is sore.
I know what this probably is. And, I will go the the VA when I get moved. They will probably want to do a biopsy. Fat chance. If they can figure it out without cutting, good. Otherwise, no dice. I suppose I just want to know what type of cancer it might be, what to look for, and to try and get an idea of how long I might have. I will not seek any more than painkillers if it is cancer. From what I have seen, asking the medical community for help on this is like giving a monkey an arch welder, a screw driver, and a wrench, and shoving it in the engine compartment. Many, especially men, die just as quickly, twice as painfully, with few original functional parts, and without hair. Who even knows how many parts they would cut off before deciding the experiment should be allowed to die. Too creepy.
Yes, I am worried. Yes, I would rather live, on the whole. No, being a medical experiment just does not do it for me. This is not how I saw the thing going down. And, who knows. Maybe it is a zit that got lost. Maybe I have just bucked the system and have become such a menche that I need a third one, so God planted the seed and I am on my way to being the father to 70. I guess things are just on hold, except the move, for a while. I just hope I can live on my own until the end. I hope I can get what groceries I might need delivered. I do not want to live with anyone or be in the hospital if this is cancer.
I do not mind dying. I have sorted it all out, spiritually, even physically. But I had been pulling for high blood pressure for a massive heart attack or stroke, while living alone. Or perhaps a diabetic coma from which I never regain consciousness. But this is going to hurt. That is the only thing I know for sure about cancer. And, at some point, the pain medicine will not work. I may, actually, need to give up my guns before they really do need to pry them from my cold dead fingers. I know how tempting that could be and I just do not want to fail now, after having survived two suicides and figuring out how to change my life away from that.
Yeah, go ahead, cheer. Some of you must be tickled pink. I cannot blame you. Even I know a rat bastard when I see one, even in the mirror. It could not happen to a nicer guy.
Back to packing. Have a good day.
The new toy.
.
.
I am trying the new machine. It is a Toshiba nb200. Beyond having the biggest keyboard among micros or notebooks, the longest (?) battery life, and some other good features, it just felt right. Plus, I no longer trust HP and Dell spent my trust in them on their prejudice against guns (long story, but if you want to know, ask). There were other reasons I went with Toshiba over Asus, though I honestly think for the types of applications I am interested in for this machine, all of them would have worked. I can take this into the field, and write there, to send later or perhaps, to send with certain other electronic toys I am also considering.
Actually, this machine is not just for the field. I believe I will be using it for my email, online business, and internet browsing. The old machine will simply become an offline gaming rig for all of the games I have. I suppose I will just have to quit playing the online games. They are easy to steal anyway, and with a compromised desktop, I kept losing access or had aspects of those games compromised. That is so not fun that even the free games became more of an annoyance than anything.
I also think, when I can figure it out, I will change this to a dual boot OS, and then switch to using one of the Linux platforms. Which one I cannot be sure. I have some belief that Linux is more secure, and that can be tightened, for free, even then. I am not sure if I can learn C++ or some of the other programming languages on this, but that would be good. Without a DVD player, everything I put on this will need to be added via the internet, unless I wish to shell out for a external DVD R/RW, etc. Perhaps in time.
Okay, I admit it. This whole post was just to see if I could get used to the keyboard. To be honest, even with paws the size of bear paws, I am having no real problems with this. What I am finding a problem, however, is the heat. This thing is all but glowing. As someone who is heat sensitive, this could end up being a problem. There are devices that will help. And, really, in the winter, this thing could be a great hand warmer. But in the heat of summer, this will not be a favorable aspect. Time will tell. If need be, I have 30 days to accept or take this machine back. But I will only be here, probably for a little more than a week more, so… I will need to know by then. Though, there are Best Buys everywhere. Decisions, short timing it, and all that is getting rather old. I NEED TO LEAVE!!!
Good night.
Update: That post was from when I first purchased the machine. Since then, I have had no real problems with the heat, and the battery does seem fairly long lasting, if I have not timed it. My internet quit, and I had difficulty using my neighbors internet. I took the machine in and after a tagteam effort by two of the Geek Squad at Best Buy spent five minutes on it, they solved the problem. When I got it home, I was able to use it and reconfigure some things even though I have never done this before.
Since I gave away my computer desk and my own internet is down anyway, and add in that I cannot use my old email addresses once I turn in my modem and end my household service, I really need this machine to use the local wireless to get all of my email address connections fixed before I shut down the system. Go figure. All this in the middle of the mad dash to finish packing. I am doing okay, but I keep tripping over seeming isolated events which end up causing problems. Printer without cord, this system having something deep inside which would not allow IP addresses to be randomized (or even changed), ISP outage, and the list goes on. A few more days and one way or another I will be finished with this damned fool and evil place.
Well, now I really must sleep. Good night!
.
I am trying the new machine. It is a Toshiba nb200. Beyond having the biggest keyboard among micros or notebooks, the longest (?) battery life, and some other good features, it just felt right. Plus, I no longer trust HP and Dell spent my trust in them on their prejudice against guns (long story, but if you want to know, ask). There were other reasons I went with Toshiba over Asus, though I honestly think for the types of applications I am interested in for this machine, all of them would have worked. I can take this into the field, and write there, to send later or perhaps, to send with certain other electronic toys I am also considering.
Actually, this machine is not just for the field. I believe I will be using it for my email, online business, and internet browsing. The old machine will simply become an offline gaming rig for all of the games I have. I suppose I will just have to quit playing the online games. They are easy to steal anyway, and with a compromised desktop, I kept losing access or had aspects of those games compromised. That is so not fun that even the free games became more of an annoyance than anything.
I also think, when I can figure it out, I will change this to a dual boot OS, and then switch to using one of the Linux platforms. Which one I cannot be sure. I have some belief that Linux is more secure, and that can be tightened, for free, even then. I am not sure if I can learn C++ or some of the other programming languages on this, but that would be good. Without a DVD player, everything I put on this will need to be added via the internet, unless I wish to shell out for a external DVD R/RW, etc. Perhaps in time.
Okay, I admit it. This whole post was just to see if I could get used to the keyboard. To be honest, even with paws the size of bear paws, I am having no real problems with this. What I am finding a problem, however, is the heat. This thing is all but glowing. As someone who is heat sensitive, this could end up being a problem. There are devices that will help. And, really, in the winter, this thing could be a great hand warmer. But in the heat of summer, this will not be a favorable aspect. Time will tell. If need be, I have 30 days to accept or take this machine back. But I will only be here, probably for a little more than a week more, so… I will need to know by then. Though, there are Best Buys everywhere. Decisions, short timing it, and all that is getting rather old. I NEED TO LEAVE!!!
Good night.
Update: That post was from when I first purchased the machine. Since then, I have had no real problems with the heat, and the battery does seem fairly long lasting, if I have not timed it. My internet quit, and I had difficulty using my neighbors internet. I took the machine in and after a tagteam effort by two of the Geek Squad at Best Buy spent five minutes on it, they solved the problem. When I got it home, I was able to use it and reconfigure some things even though I have never done this before.
Since I gave away my computer desk and my own internet is down anyway, and add in that I cannot use my old email addresses once I turn in my modem and end my household service, I really need this machine to use the local wireless to get all of my email address connections fixed before I shut down the system. Go figure. All this in the middle of the mad dash to finish packing. I am doing okay, but I keep tripping over seeming isolated events which end up causing problems. Printer without cord, this system having something deep inside which would not allow IP addresses to be randomized (or even changed), ISP outage, and the list goes on. A few more days and one way or another I will be finished with this damned fool and evil place.
Well, now I really must sleep. Good night!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sleep was sweet.
.
.
Imagine that, a night without dreams, without pain, which was also a decent length and resting. I only get those occasionally. If I dreamed, and I think I did, it was just a normal decent dream. I did not wake up shaking or tired or stirred from whatever it was I saw on the big Eyelid Screen. I woke like clockwork, without an alarm, and rested. Talk about a dream sleep, that was it. I am not sure if nightly long prayers have anything to do with last night though I doubt if they could hurt my rest. My ribs no longer bother me at all, now, finally. Life is really good on mornings like these.
I have not heard from my lady friend yet. But that is good. It gives me some time to wake up before having company. I am hoping to get some cleaning done and a shower before she arrives. It is usually good to see her after she canoes. She regains health, mental balance, and quiet surety from such events. I will miss her when I go, even if she is a part of here. I almost think she might miss me, but more for the washer and dryer and sick calls. Cats!
I am looking forward to brunch though! I have been eating out, if fast food passes for that, to avoid needing to cook and clean as much recently. And, pretty soon, I will have no choice. The kitchen needs to be packed away. So a decent meal sounds good to me. I am not sure if the invitation includes the bill, that is often her way. Either that or she begs because her invitation was offered when she was flush and that has changed. Once in a while though, she actually carries through. I am not terribly hungry, but good food will change that.
I best take my shower and begin some cleaning.
.
Imagine that, a night without dreams, without pain, which was also a decent length and resting. I only get those occasionally. If I dreamed, and I think I did, it was just a normal decent dream. I did not wake up shaking or tired or stirred from whatever it was I saw on the big Eyelid Screen. I woke like clockwork, without an alarm, and rested. Talk about a dream sleep, that was it. I am not sure if nightly long prayers have anything to do with last night though I doubt if they could hurt my rest. My ribs no longer bother me at all, now, finally. Life is really good on mornings like these.
I have not heard from my lady friend yet. But that is good. It gives me some time to wake up before having company. I am hoping to get some cleaning done and a shower before she arrives. It is usually good to see her after she canoes. She regains health, mental balance, and quiet surety from such events. I will miss her when I go, even if she is a part of here. I almost think she might miss me, but more for the washer and dryer and sick calls. Cats!
I am looking forward to brunch though! I have been eating out, if fast food passes for that, to avoid needing to cook and clean as much recently. And, pretty soon, I will have no choice. The kitchen needs to be packed away. So a decent meal sounds good to me. I am not sure if the invitation includes the bill, that is often her way. Either that or she begs because her invitation was offered when she was flush and that has changed. Once in a while though, she actually carries through. I am not terribly hungry, but good food will change that.
I best take my shower and begin some cleaning.
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