Fishing on my mind, little sleep to be had, so...

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I am off. The clouds have obscured the quarter moon, which itself was not lending much light to the night, so, I do believe I will stop and purchase a lantern. I have straightened my fishing gear, organizing the lots for this and that, and in a fairly decent manner, I should thing. My fishing poles, the two lighter ones which I will be taking, have been rigged and are ready. While picking up a lantern, I might grab one more rod, a light action rod and reel set, of the inexpensive simple type. The two reels I have are, problematic shall we say. That or I have never learned to use them properly. They both tend to tangle at the drop of the hat, despite my research on the right fishing line, the correct weight of lures, and lots of trial and error. I thought I had them down, to a degree. But that has been some time, so I want a back up reel. I guess I really do not need another rod.

I sat here, working with my gear, wondering if I would ever get to sleep, and finally agreeing that it would be better to be fishing than sitting here wondering if I would get to sleep. However, after the gear was set, and while tinkering on the machine, I did decide to do a little more research. I was thinking that the places I will be going fishing had a 2 fish limit, and only lures and flies could be used. Yet two locals were telling me that I could keep four fish and that I could use bait. After re-re-re-reading the fishing guide, going on line and trying to find a map of the parameters discussed in the book, and then looking up common water fishing rules, I think I finally understand. But it was a tussle.

I can have four fish, use bait, flies, or lures (nothing scented, I think that is pretty much universal Utah fishing law, at least for rivers, maybe?). Re-re-re-re-reading suggests that 'flavored' artificial baits are fine, as long as they are digestible. Doh! Lawyers ought to be shot, hung, drawn, and quartered. Hrm, that may not have been politically correct. Oh well. Oh, and lit on fire.

I best get going if I want to fish in peace, for a bit, hopefully. Maybe I will even get a hit or two on my first day. Who knows.

*Gone Fishing*

*poof!*

Almost ready.

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I spoke with my neighbor earlier. I had not seen him out, so I knocked on his door. He had just been about ready to go out on the 'porch', as I call it, so he finished up a bit then came out. I had already showered, so I was ready to go but I knew he might want to shower as well. Nothing like looking spiffy for the ladies. *laughs* Well, we can hope it is the thought that counts, at least I hope for myself. He thought he might be interested in going, but he might need a shower. After a short talk, he headed in to get ready and I came in to wait. A bit later, he rang my doorbell and asked if I was sure I wanted to go tonight. He had thought, somehow, that I had meant tomorrow. Nope, I said, I am going tonight. Well, he thought about it and decided to go as well. *grins* I am glad he did. I think he steered me rightly a couple of times, and once or twice I took his advice in spite of my intuition.

I ended up with a small but expensive packet of gear. Needle nose pliers was the only equipment I needed. I have pliers but I hate taking my real working pliers and they are not needle nosed anyway, not the ones I have here at the apartment. Then I bought three variants of Panther Martin's spinners, two variants of Rooster Tail's spinners, three Dareevle spoons, a six pack of Mepps' spinners, ten flies and float oil, five cheaper but traditional red and white bobbers, and a packet of round split shot (which of all the types of sinkers and weights I have, I was defunct in these). I forgot to get a lantern. If I end up going fishing early tomorrow, or some other early hour on whatever day, I will stop by Wal-Mart and grab something.

The lures cost a little more than the fishing license. I suspect I will really have to reel them in to make my money back! The truth is, if they get me out of the house and on the river, even if I catch no fish I will be ahead, as I see things. I have some doubts about my ability to fish, in any case. Being the doubting pessimist that I am, that is the way of it. If I end up catching 10 keeper sized fish, I will believe a good fisherman should have caught 20, if I catch zero I will know it is my skill, no matter, I have become hard to please in some ways. But the truth is, I am usually happy with whatever happens. That is why, truth be told, I should keep my mouth shut.

But, knowing me as some of you do, that will not happen. I talk, and write, much like a songbird might. Good or ill, right or wrong, sun or rain, I will prattle. Mindlessly, heedlessly, thoughtfullessly, recklessly, and such, I will speak what is on my mind, what is in my mind, and sometimes just what comes to me. And, as with some of my former readers who I dearly enjoy who have left, I am sure I will regret it. But, that is the way of it. Such is life, my nature, your nature, and all.

I believe I have some leaders, snaps, extra line, and several rods and reels ready to go. I hope the line is still good, though it should be. I can almost smell and feel the breeze, hear the gurgling water, and taste the fish. If not today, or tomorrow, the time will come. I am ready in all but flesh right now. It will happen. I really need to get into my storage and sort through some things. My cast iron frying pan, cast iron grill, and big frying pan (the one with waffles in it). Though that last is not cast, it cooks steaks, so I am sure fish, of larger sizes, like nothing else out there. And, I would like to get my camera out and going. Proof, as they say, is in the picture, or was that pudding? Bah, fish pudding sounds terrible. I will stick with picture. Hopefully pictures. Plural is better if you believe the song about "One", it being the loneliest number.

Why does nobody tell me when I am babbling? Must be the heat, the time, that I am tired, and the excitement of being all but ready to fish. I will let you off the hook and do something mild to quiet my mind for rest. I hope I dream of fishing! Maybe you will even dream of fishing, cold waters, and a fine aquatically originate meal. From my hook to your mouth, or maybe even from your hook? No, my blog, my hook. Good night.

While I should be at Church...

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I find myself looking at lures. Of course, I have fallen a bit. Many of you know how I can fall and stay down a bit, or a long bit. I know I pushed things pretty hard, pretty far, and for an extended period of time. So it really should not come as a shock that I have shut down a bit. I might even have just collapsed were it not for my neighbor. Beyond pushing to go shooting and driving, when he walks by outside my window, I can see him. And, once in a while, I will take the bait and go out and talk for an hour or so, several times a day.

I am doing more in my fallen condition than I ever have. And, with the fishing license, I will probably extend beyond even that. Once I get lures, in any case. The closest fishing spot requires artificial lures (no scented ones) or flies. And since getting a fly fishing rig and those pieces together would cost a lot more, on top of the license, I think I will stick to artificial lures and the rods and reals I have. The other spots allow for bait, and I have hooks and sinkers if need be. So, while I should be in Church, I am reviewing which lures to buy.

Then again, being in 90 to 100 F weather while only being able to cool the place to 76 for a few hours during the day might have something to do with my inability to function as I would like. Even young ones have some difficulty with this if they do not have a place to cool off. Given my condition, my disability, and the weather, I suppose it is somewhat fair that I am not able to schedule well. Church, too, is more than a simple task. What to wear, what is appropriate, keeping several sets of clothes or more available for that in my cramped quarters, and just being ready. I will get there, in time.

I have picked about 20 lures. I was reading an "Field & Stream" online article, titled 'The 50 Greatest Lures of All Time' and picked about 20 from there, of which I will only initially buy a handful, some in duplicate, some in triplicate. I will take my neighbor shopping when I go, and use his experience with my intuition as well. I do not take orders, but I might just listen from time to time. Ha! As well, I keep going over the fish guidebook for Utah fishing. I am trying to get the rules down. They are many, varied, and sometimes complicated. They vary from water to water, and are seemingly non-specific at all in some cases. I do not wish to lose my license, cause trouble, or even do the wrong thing whether caught at it or not. But one almost needs an encyclopedic memory or law degree to get the rules and regulations down pat.

I think if I can talk him into it, I might go and see who is open and what they offer in the way of lures and perhaps bait. I should also grab a few bobbers for where bait is allowed. Even if I do go shopping, and even with the research I am doing, I am not getting much done. Still, it is much better than my usual lows. I am actually consciously thinking and planning. Not just about this, but about my lady friend's visit and a few other things. Bits and pieces, one thing at a time, and doing what I can and when I can. Even if lost, I am winning.

I suppose I am saying, even if you cannot, do not quit. Get back in the saddle. If that is not possible, then begin planning how else to do it or how to get those legs back in. If you need to sit, fine. But be thinking. If it hurts, figure that out and figure how you can get to where you need. If you must crawl, do so. If you can walk, fine. But when it is time again, the saddle must be a priority. It is the fastest way, that is, in the saddle, on a beast which loves to do the leg work. The saddle and horse beats by speed and energy doing that work on our own. Hiiiii-Yaahhhhh! Giddie-up!

Trying to be cheap. Still trying.

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Today was the fourth time I have been out and about in the woods, valleys, mountains, passes, and such. Shooting, again and as usual. The Xterra was tested in a small way, down a cutback switch of a single lane wash that passes for a road. Thankfully, the only thing we met were a few atvs of the smaller variety. Though I believe other vehicles could have been negotiated just as easily. At the bottom of that road was a nice little stream. We stopped by it to see what, if anything, might be stirring. I would guess almost two dozen shadows flitted away under that water. Few were large, but there were some decent pan sized shadows to be sure.

We continued on until we found a rather large ground squirrel area and decided to see if a few would stand still long enough for us to shoot. No luck today. The sage brush is high and thick, the squirrels were fast and wary, if numerous. We did get a few shots off, and perhaps one or two needed to change their shorts, but no kill shots. He was using his rifle and I was using my pistol, both .22 caliber.

The road was quite rough, steep, rocky, and occasionally seriously rutted. I had to navigate, keeping speed in check, and looking closely for various potential problems. The Xterra did fine, and I was satisfied with my driving as well. There were areas I shifted into low (the Xterra has drive, 3rd, 2nd, and 1st gears, plus 4x4 hi, 4x4 lo, and electrically locking rear differentials). At the right speed, the trip if bumpy was fine. Having 9 1/2" of real total clearance helps a great deal. I think my passenger was fine with my driving as well. I cannot get him to use his seat belt on the highway, and he chose not to use it even on the rough road. I am not going to force him if too I will not pay any ticket he might get.

On the way back, after seeing the fish in the creek, I decided today was the day. I have been holding off, trying to get all financial matters back in hand, and avoiding spending as much as possible. But today was indeed the day. I finally have my fishing license. At $70 dollars, probably plus tax and other b.s., I had best get to wringing the dollars back out of it in fish. Though I will continue to take my neighbor for shooting a few times a week, I think I will need to go on my own some too. Simply put, where I want to fish, hike, and maybe even shoot, I am not sure he is able to go. And, I might want to shoot, fish, or even swim longer or shorter than what he would like to do. I did buy my swimming trunks, by the way, now targets too.

I checked the Wal-Mart stores last not, but to no avail. They did not have the A/C at either store. It looks like it will take a week or two to get here, and I am not sure it will fit. Gack, I hate not being sure. Still, if it does not fit, I can still make some revisions. Revisions I would have to do for any other A/C in any case. Plus, I think the 8k would be perfect for my place. It could turn it into an ice box if I needed, or just idle and keep it in good stead too.

But, right now, I am trying to live on the cheap. Until money comes in, refunds arrive, and banking is normalized, I am living on luck and debt. Oh well. You have to do what you have to do. I ought to dig out my digital camera, at least, to try and get some pictures. I never did end up buying a film camera, time and money all became too tight too quickly. But the digital should make sharing easier.

Update: The a/c is on it's way. I did not order the one D.C. suggested. After a few careful (ha!) measurements, I decided I would have to build something no matter, so I went with the regular one (which I think will accordion out a bit more). I would have had to work with both sides and top on the other, but also had to mess with both top and narrower side issues. These slide windows are taller than full size and equal to or wider than some standard windows. It will be a week or more before it arrives, so I should have plywood cut, screws, and such by the time it arrives. Cheap is fine but I need cool.

Christmas vacation.

. . After some serious searching I finally found all that I need to arrange the Christmas vacation. It looks like a cabin is open and there are flights that match the needs of my lady friend. I have one final thing, or set of things, to check with here. The flights at the times she wants or needs each have an additional stop and the cabins require us to ski to them! It sounds exciting to me, even if the rout is almost four miles in. We will have to bring some gear with us, as well, so it will be a 'working vacation'. For me, I am all in for it. I will need to send her a checklist of things she will need to bring, some of which if she does not have I will help with. Though I think she has most of it or will get it herself. Who knows. We will mess with those details as the time draws nigh. Though this will short my credit a bit now, it should all be paid for when the time comes. By then, I should not only have this paid for, I would guess I will have my credit cards zeroed again, and some money in the bank. I must admit, at this point though, the prospect of buying the tickets and making reservations is a bit nerve tingling in the bad way. Sticker shock works like that. But having it done and over, in time, will be reassuring. I suppose it goes along with 'having your cake and eating it to'. All things have their price and their pleasure, but only one of those at a time, as the saying suggests. I think it is better to pay the price first, then lounge in the pleasure. Yes, I know, it does not quite fit, nag, nag, nag. :p I am excited about the deal. It will be interesting to see if skiing and lodging a bit in the boonies is as good for her as is canoeing and kayaking. If so, we might have to make this a regular event. I know I am quite interested. If nothing else, I might have to find other friends who like such things or simply go on my own. We (by we, I mean I) will even have to chip off my own wood for the pot belly stove. She will, I am sure, be happy that the cabin I have chosen is not, itself, in avalanche territory. Nor is the approach to it in avalanche threat. If, like all the other cabins avalable, much of the area around the chosen cabin is in avalanche area. All of the other cabins and some of the approaches to the other cabins are in avalanche lanes. *laughs* I guess that is how the nether regions are, in the mountains anyway. It feels good to finally have that settled. Though I best get on reservations and such quickly. Tomorrow is a state holiday, so I cannot hold the cabin. And I will not make flight reservations until a cabin can be reserved. Though I can call her and leave a message to call me concerning the details. The bother, but it would be nice to see Tiger Lily again.

Pieces and parts.

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After being here for three weeks, and having my internet active for a week, one would think everything would have been transitioned to my new account long ago. Not so. Just today was I able to get the primary business and blog stuff rolled over. My email account on my new system did not work like it was supposed to work. I had to play with it over a number of days for things to click. Then, to activate my account with the ISP to smooth out some final details, I needed (though did not know it) another code which ended up getting to me only a day or two ago. After figuring out which code went where, how this and that should be configured or at least figuring out how to configure it so that it does what I need, I finally do have most of that done.

My place needs a little tlc, but really, is still in pretty good shape. Taking out the trash, actually, is all that is needed. The trash and the recycling need to go out, to be more precise. Most of my systems are up and running, though a real air conditioner is being considered. Bit by bit, my bathroom and toiletries, a plunger, the computers, internet, and all are being arranged, plugged in, and getting going. Life here, on a personal basis, is nearly back to Iowa standards.

Money is becoming short, as I might have expected. I have plenty of credit, and actually plenty of cash, if it is split between two accounts, some of it in reserve for account requirements. I have a single bill left and several refunds ranging from $500 to $700 coming back. But being down to, seemingly, my last spendable nickles is always weird. Especially when I could use an A/C. I have plenty for food and small purchases, but $300 plus tax makes me grimace. August, and even September to a degree, are the hotter months. As such, I may just get the A/C now. As despicable as debt is, it has it's benefits too. Besides, I have more coming in than what I will be spending, apart, of course, from moving expenses.

Oh, and after negotiating times, dates, accommodations, and such, I do believe my lady friend and I have landed upon when she will visit. It will be good, for both of us, to have someone familiar to be with for Christmas. She had best not expect more than stocking stuffings for gifts, though. I do expect to throw in ski rentals, cross-country, for both of us though. Which means I will need to learn and then practice. The place for our stay is in prime cross-country area. It seems she has already learned and been going skiing there in Iowa, with other friends, this last winter. It should be a nice vacation for both of us. And of course, weather dependent, I might be able to show her around a little bit out here. Oddly, she has visited more of the parks in Utah than I have heard of in my preliminary searches. Still, I will nearly be native by the time she gets here. I do have a small Christmas present in mind for her, if I can find it.

My mother is safely on the ground and helping my brother recover from his emergency back surgery. She says he is doing very well, all things considered. He must have some of that resiliency that both Mom and I have. And the stubborn streak, or it would not have been an emergency surgery. I do think, that being brought to his knees in pain and the humbling nature of incapacity has lent to his understanding of not only who, but what, Mom is. I have been there and done that. And though at times I struggle with it, I have learned and try to back off, unless she encroaches too far, then I help her remember who, and what, I am. It is all good.

That is my life in a nutshell. I have things half done, things to do, and much done as well. I think with a proper cooling system in here, life might smooth out a bit more and more might get done more quickly. But it is working here, and well. Time will tell, but it is looking good. The future is so bright, I have to wear shades. Well, sort of.

Out and about.

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I have not had but one day here at the cave, to myself, in a while now. But I am not complaining. I have been out target practicing three times recently, business took a few days, and the auto needed an oil change and a minor recall taken care of today. Tomorrow I plan on going shooting again. But this time I am going to buy a target paper holder and target paper. I know the guns are doing well, finally, but I need to know how well, what changes I can make, and then get going on making the final adjustments. As well, I will be taking swimming trunks. Near the place I shoot in Logan Valley, there happens to be a stream. It is not a tiny little thing and it is not a full out river either. There are areas beavers or something have dammed it which provide handy little wading pools. Though it is not as cold as spring, it should provide enough cooling for my needs. I have been eying the little water greedily lately, and know I must take the plunge.

As well, and in spite of the cost for us out-of-staters, I really have to get a fishing license. I am so hungry for fish and the water looks good. I may have to get some water footwear too, as half of my last pair went away in the white-water event of '08. I can handle the cold, especially now. But some of my gear is still in storage. I do have my fishing gear out, but I could use some other things from storage. I will have to make that more of a priority. I need several things, from clothes, to gear, to books now.

I am getting more comfortable with the temps and dryness hereabouts. I need to moisturize much less often, and the heat is bearable if I can get out of it from time to time. I suspect that by the time it cools off, I will be ready for summer. The good thing is, I think winter here will be a breeze. I fully intend to figure out cross-country skiing this year. Maybe by December, when my lady friend suggests she will visit, I will be competent enough to take her out for that a time or two. Who knows though, she is a kook.

I really need to begin going through my stuff. I would like to get calculus under my belt again. I can do that in a few weeks if I push it. Then I can keep it sort of on top with a half a dozen hours of study a week. Physics needs to be studied as well. I would like to go over differential equations before too long, as well, but I do not have a good study pack for that, yet. I have not tried to make contact at the school yet, I suspect everyone is gone. Maybe in a week or two though, I will call and see if an adviser or professor or two is available and would be interested in discussing school.

I saw that I had not updated for the last few days. Though there really is not too much going on, I decided to do a minor post. Sorry, but heat and such make excitement a bit scarce.

At it again.

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I have become used to it being 82 F in my apartment, and even going out and doing things on 90 to 100 F days. It has been a struggle. Drinking many types of fluid. Taking a breather when need be. Whatever. And I have become used to the arid nature of this new state. Moisturizer, and again water, plus a little closer attention to clues my body is giving off. Salt, too, in many forms, has become my friend. What I cannot yet do, well, or really at all, is to sleep when it is over 76 F. So, here I sit.

Now that the A/C has been off for a while, and as the night has gone on and the outside temps have dropped a bit, perhaps it will work well enough so that I may get some sleep. I have a few things to do tomorrow though I need not be awake too early to get to them. And yet I would like to work my schedule around so that I am up by 7:00 or 8:00. That requires getting to sleep around 21:00 to 22:00.

I will figure it out. At least I have nothing demanding that I be up early, so far. I suppose I just like to struggle. And struggle I do. Good night.

Target shooting and sightseeing.

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I should have gone to church today, but I really want to scope out the places during the weekday when it is easier to get in and out. I have finally found the church, the second church that is, if I had not mentioned it. So, today, instead, my neighbor and myself went around the valley. He has lived here most of his life and all of his childhood and young adult years, so he knows a thing or two. He cannot drive currently, and has not been able to for some time. We end up making a pretty good team, as such. He knows where to go, I can and will drive. It might end up a daily thing. The only thing bad for him, I do not allow smoking in my vehicle. But we take breaks often enough for him I think.

Today we went south. In trying to find a place to shoot near a dam and it's reservoir, if unsuccessfully due to the weekend crowds, he showed me some good places to fish. We also happened to drive by the Osmond's farmstead, hunting lodge, or second (third, fourth?) house out in the boonies a bit. I saw a lot of good country. As well, I know more surely where I would like to live. As well, and just by happenstance, the old road we ended up upon heading south is a shortcut to Ogden. If it has a lower allowed speed, it is half the length and a lot more scenic. I will probably take that rout as it will cut my gas usage in half, perhaps quarter it with the lower speeds. As I told him, I have more time then money and I prefer the quieter roads. It might be tricky in the winter, I will just have to find out.

It amazes me that I can drive from city to real country in such a short distance. I think the reason so much of the Southern area has stayed countrified is due to the lack of real space to expand. Builders want vast tracts they can exploit, not dinky areas they have to hedge around mountain, water, and other large problems. Yes, south of Logan is where I want to be. In 15 minutes I can drive from there to college or town. The roads are good and look to be kept well winter and summer. I would much rather have a farmer friend or 5 a half mile away than a city slicker of unknown nature 20 to 50 feet away any day. Fresh hay, horse and cattle smells, alfalfa, a meandering stream, that feels like home.

Since it is Sunday, and though I have written a bit, I thought I would write about another Christian topic. Being a good man.

I was talking with a young man, a pseudo atheist, about being good. I call him a pseudo atheist because, though raised in a Christian home, he really did not believe, or even seem to understand Christianity, or what the big fuss is about. I was not really interested in evangelizing and he was not interested in being converted, but we did hit upon a topic that was of interest to both of us. That topic regarding being good and what being a good man really meant.

He initialized it by saying that since he tried to do the right things and believed in good things, that he was indeed a good man. I sort of chuckled at this and though he did initially become a bit angry and defensive, I calmed him down enough to engage him. I suggested that I was not really laughing at him, just the simplistic notions that are being developed in the young by the school systems today.

To be a good man, for one, is very simplistic. In the secular world, it means, well, nothing other than feeling good about yourself. There are no rules to it. There is no means of measuring it, unless you say that committing a crime is a bad thing. But that carries little weight, as colleges love to hire high profile "ex"-terrorists, their mouthpieces, and such. So, really, being good in secular terms is completely fiction. You cannot be good and secular. You can only feel good and be secular, if in a very shallow way.

Being good, in my understanding, is actually impossible on one's own. The closest we, in my circle, can ever get is to do good deeds and abstain from doing things that are sinful. Doing a good deed requires several things. The first thing is that the deed be intentional and willfully aimed at being a good deed. The next is that the deed must be carried out with that same intention until it is completed (the means, in other words, must also be good). Finally, the deed must truly end up in a beneficent result (the ends must be successful and good). Barring any of those three things, no good deed, no matter how well intentioned, carried out, or the result, is actually a good deed. He looked a little baffled and asked some silly (yes, there are silly questions) questions. So, I went a little further.

I suggested that he imagine that developing then producing a good apple was a good deed. I suggested that the secular world would laud him for just the notion. But I said, that is not the same thing. To do the good apple, one must do a lot of work. First, one must research apples, people's tastes, growing seasons, soils, and locations, and then begin forming an idea about which apples to try to combine to make a certain taste, consistency, texture, and such. Then, one must find a place where all of those apple types may be grown, which apple tree type to be the main and which to splice, and then figure out all of the splicing needed. Then, after years, or more like decades, of work, he might produce a good apple.

Further, however, is this. Even if he happens to produce a wondrous apple, will everyone like it? Well, no. Some people simply do not like apples. Some people are allergic to apples. Other people who do like apples will not like that particular apple. So, even this good deed is limited in scope. Much as good deeds may truly be.

My remedy may be simple, but it is this. First, accept that you cannot be good to perfection or even close. Second, decide what to do about it. But understand, just because you feel good about yourself or your deeds, really look at those and see if that is deserved. Good deeds are a lot of work. As for myself, I try to keep my attempts at good deeds small. Little things done well, and lots of them, do more for the world than medium or large deeds, especially should they go astray. I do not have, as yet, the tools to do the right thing on any kind of scale. So a little time spent with someone I know needs it, setting aside my dragons breath, scales, an claws here, asking if others need help and then helping if so there, and other small things. I still fail. I fail to spend the time, to ask, and sometimes simply to do anything.

I do not know if this meant a thing to him, in the end. I think it sounded a bit complicated. But too, I think it bothered him that his teacher's belief that he was a great guy just because he was a guy and they were in school together might be wrong. I planted a little seed. I only hope it grows. I cannot even say that it was a good deed, it was not technically forethought. Though, it could be argued, I think about these things and try to implement that thought when encountering contrary thought. Then again, perhaps my initial laugh was in poor form, therefore nixing the thing. I cannot say for sure, but I can hope, for him and me.

Good night.

God, the world, and all.

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327.235, I think.

Well, maybe not. Unless you believe scientists have it, then it might as well be the answer.

Reading at Vox has been entertaining this way lately. It is interesting watching people with no faith trying to explain why they have no faith or prove that having no faith is correct. It is much like watching a kitten with a ball of yarn. If it was not so prevalent, it would be cute. But those kittens grow up to be monsters, and those monsters are the ones "ruling" this nation, and most others, currently. Not much to do about it other than to revolt, burn down the Ivory Towers, and exile those in power to the nations that currently exhibit their brand of death culture. Or, as is more likely, become persecuted to near extinction. Obama would fit right in in North Korea. His logic "works" there.

As for the ongoing 'debate', though. Vox does well with his arguments. I see no reason to add. Though often his debate style is more formal, so I decided to try my hand at it here, using methods that I prefer. I suppose the reason I am not an apologist is because my ways are based within faith and I am not interested in arguing the matters. I simply state why and that is all.

As for the world, and physical reality, and God, here is my go. While it is true that God is not all (animism, is what that would be), the way God can know all and be everywhere (though and again, not be everything), is that God made the world (henceforth world will mean everything physical). He designed the laws that govern what is, He knew what would happen if he did not just make it happen. In so doing, the world is within God, not the other way around. Time, space, the physical laws, and reality itself are sort of like a program a perfect programmer might write. More complex than any human writer could possibly imagine, and it works more flawlessly and seamlessly then seems possible, but it is the way of it.

As such, God does is neither defined by His creation nor is He in particular control of it (free will), at least where man is concerned. And yet, by defining or programming reality, His will is yet completely present and His definitions are paramount. What He has set forth will follow in their times, as he set forth, if not at a particular time. If something fails this time, because His chosen fails to do His will via free will, it will come around again with another chosen until it does happen. Programmers know this logic.

Why God is not subject to the program is much like why a programmer's life has little to do with his program. The programmer's life is centered around his values, his family, his boss, his interests, and such. The program he wrote does a specific task, once set in play, which impacts the programmer's life not a bit. The program functions as intended, if done rightly, on a little electronic device (or in this case the world), and probably at the behest of those who requested the work (in this case, God is both the writer and the client). God, too, lives outside of the program. Beyond, should He want, he has the capacity to rewrite the program as He might choose. My belief, however, is that he has no need to rewrite the program. All miracles, Christ's life, death, and resurrection, and other things that seem outside of what we know of the program, were all programmed in. It is our ignorance of the program, not some odd revision to the program, which surprises and astounds us.

Though in dark times, it might seem that God has abandoned us to dark people. It may seem God has turned his back on us. But if a closer view is taken, it is easy to note that it was not God who turned his back on us and left us to die. It is we who have turned our back on God and chosen evil instead of good. And, we will pay for it. It has always been this way, and it will be this way until none of us stand.

In spite of Vox's arguments, or mine, I believe the man he is arguing with and his ilk, now "rule". They will not be dissuaded, they cannot be debated, and they have no interest in the means, only in the ends. As I said, a kitten and a ball of yarn, only they have indeed grown, grown in numbers and power. It is the new boomer generation. And, they are murderous for their new faith (in science, government, socialism, a mix, or whatever). I worry about it, though too, I hand this worry to God. After all, it is His ball of yarn with which they play. Their claws, now long and bloody, are His too. They are within Him, not the other way around, despite any debate they might put forth.

As is obvious, they do not even realize that, even in the darkness they bring, they are His tools. They will do His bidding. They will serve those who have called them to power with the justice of God as they so richly deserve. Honestly, though, I think they know. I think they despise that there is something out there beyond them, I know they would love to flush God from man even as they believe in their own corrupted way, but even they know the most draconian of their governances have been unable to do so. Now, too, I would suggest the Christian lites of the world leave the Church. Go be humanists or whatever. If your names are on the roll, having voted for Obama will not save you. Leave the Church and become the dark tools that you are at a safe distance.

Well, I will stop there. I erased some of it, but nothing more than extra rant. Maybe I should have stopped with the programming theme. Who knows.

Have a great Sunday.

A great weekend, to be sure.

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I finally had to break down and use the A/C last night. My thermometers are the old fashioned water filled glass tubes with the floating glass bulbs inside. The top temperature listed is 82 F. If that floats, I can sort of get by. But all the glass bulbs were not only down last night, they were compacted on the bottom of the glass tube as tight as they would fit. I cannot say how hot it was, but even in this arid clime, I was sweating harshly with two fans blowing on me. So, I finally kicked on the A/C. And, low and behold, it did work. After I got it down to a decent temp, however, I turned the A/C over to low.

I believe I had two problems with the A/C. First, I was used to it being so cool, nothing would have really helped in this area. Or at least, in this apartment. Second, running the A/C full blast will cause a failure of sorts. It was not designed to run full out for any period of time and it is old. I will still only try to use it when it is well over reasonable limits. It then seems to work well enough.

The week, and last two weeks, have been pretty heavy. My activity level has been diminishing, which is both good and needed. As I begin to have more free time and recover from the strain, I am finding more sustainable activities and interests. Working out, going shooting, and after finally having found the Church, going to Mass when available and an scheduling option are starters. Finding where to hike is next. Fishing and hunting, due to their price, are probably out for this year. Though I may find where the local fish and game department is and ask about some things. If being 100% total and permanent service connected disabled has any benefits this way, it is one of the few ways I would like to use it. I really want to go out and try to learn fly fishing (though the water is still a bit fast, here, for that) and barring any success there, at least be able to bring in some decent pan trout from other fishing methods. I miss my fresh trout! Or, my Dad's catch and Mom's cooking of it anyway. I may have to call her and see how she cooked it.

I have decided Saturdays, and Wednesdays if needed, will be my clean days. All trash and recycling out, tidying the place and changing bedding, doing laundry, taking a shower to clean off then a bath to soak, and a day for any specific domestic chores. If a light has burned out and I have not had the convenience to replace it, Saturdays would be the day. I will have to start making a list. This will keep me on some kind of schedule, I hope.

I am still a bit tired, a bit sore, and all that. When I first arrived, I thought I would wait for that to pass and then begin digging in. But what I realized is that I will need to be tired, be sore, and then push even beyond that if I want to make it. I cannot relax and wait for healing. I need to make those traits become my new comfort level. I got in the shape and in the place I am partly by pulling back from those. My disability plays it's own role, but when it is not in effect and I can work, I need to work twice as hard as the next guy. Perhaps in time it will all even out a bit and I will find that both the discomfort and the disability dissipate, maybe not.

What a great day though. Even if I never quite do everything I propose, so long as I do the majority of it, get to the time sensitive things, and keep my cave, schedule, and life kempt, I can live with that. It is good to have accomplished the move, settling, and initial expansion of my life. I do pray, every day unless I miss it by sort of passing out, and give thanks for this chance and change. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow will bring, what else there is to do, and what improvements I can make both physically, mentally, an spiritually. And, I do look forward to becoming a part of a good community. From what I have seen, the people in these parts are good people. The college has not perverted the community to it's dictates and I do not think it ever will, here. Even at the college, I am hoping the community has some affect on it, bringing it to a better nature. The future is bright, if daunting. I would not have it any other way.

Have a great day.

Up early.

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I thought this morning was supposed to be Saturday already. I guess sleeping around the heat has thrown my calender off. No problems though, there are several matters I wish to attend which require it be a weekday. I slept in fits, as is usual. The cave has not been below 82 in quite some time. Last night it went well over 82 F. I was actually dozing quite nicely until a 7:00 call from Mediacom from Coralville, telling me everything was completed and they would be sending me a refund check, only needing my mailing address in order to send the check. Oh well, who needs sleep when you can have money.

Since it is Friday, I will be working out again, when my mojo is just right. I may be able to nap a bit more before doing it this afternoon. I certainly am not up to it now. I almost thought, when I first woke up, that I would hike to the store and pick up some supplies. That is not going to happen. As I wake up, I know I am just not up for that. If, after working out, I get filled with glee, I will go hike it off. I think I want to look around in Green Valley should I find my feet needing to wander. But not this early. Though cool, outside, I am just cooked and weary.

I was able to do a surprising amount of work last night, though. I re-established several of my online business accounts, attempted to get the email with this internet connection going (if I failed that miserably), checked on some things I need, and checked airline tickets from Iowa and back for a friend. I also upgraded and updated a goodly number of software services for this computer. I need to straighten the cave a bit, and though I did some of that, the rest will have to wait, like exercise or hiking, until my batteries are a bit more charged.

I will, however, probably, get showered, make a few calls, do some banking in town, do some grocery shopping, and then consider a nap before much more of the morning burns away. It is amazing what can be done even with small bits of time. For some reason, I just could not get that going in Iowa. Perhaps I had things too automated and comfortable for me to want to or even need to, for the most part, get to it.

I keep looking in the large mirror. I can see the excess without any distortion. I am not sure how much of it I can loose between now and Christmas, but my guess is I can easily lose 30 pounds, maybe more. I do not know if it will get done, but if I can stay active, if I can continue to work out, and maybe in a month or so add swimming in, I have a decent chance. I doubt if it would even show that much, but the affirmation would be enough to drag me further into the new life. Crazy what a little hope, faith, and proof can do.

I should be off. I am going to goof for an half hour or so, then get it in gear. Have yourself as good a day as you can. If it hurts, either quit doing it or know you need it more. Intelligence, I think, will help you know which of those is right. Wisdom, though, will allow you to choose that which is right. Lord, I pray we may all have just enough of both that we do not end up needing neither!

Beat up, tired, a headache, and such, but...

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...it's all good. After working out yesterday, then not being able to sleep, then going shooting and driving for 7 hours this afternoon, I am beyond bushed. I probably could not drink enough water, though I tried. And I had no salt. I started eating calamata olives, after getting home, showering, trying to rest while being ill from the heat and strain, to get up knowing I needed to do something and because I was so hot. And though I finished them, the brine juice was twice as interesting. I am trying to add more water with it, but after the fact is a bit late, let me tell you. My muscles all ache, my headache is grand, and I am a bit nauseated. I already went through dizziness, and yeah, D.C. was right on the money. I did not think we would be out that long, it was hotter than even usual, and with no sleep last night, I was caught full blast in dehydration.

I went to bed at 20:00 only to wake at 22:00. The cave got hot, or my body needed salt and water, or something. So, I got up and am tending that before going back to bed. Another pint of water or two, and finishing the brine, and I will hope to sleep more. I took a shower when I got back, but may need another. It is like the flu, in ways.

But I got out, shot a lot of rounds, shot a .357 2 1/2 barreled revolver, both our .45s as it ends up, my .22 pistol and rifle, and saw an overlook of Bear Lake. My .22 rifle needs work, but the .22 pistol is dead on. Wow does it get hot out here, the effects are magnified when sleep is not to be had.

Well, back to (sick) bed for me. Good night.

Update: No good night (of sleep) for me. However, everything else has normalized, for the most part. The few remaining symptoms are in serious retreat. It is still a bit warm to sleep, though I rest when I can. That salt really helped. Either I have an amazing system, which came back by using salt far after the fact, or everybody is like that. With that salt, a half gallon of water, a shower, and a short nap, I am almost completely recovered. I am a bit tired, but then after two days up, dehydration, and a lot of work, I think that is perfectly fair.

In my search for humidifiers, I see both a bit of hope and a bit of remorse. For the thing to work, the house has to be closed off. Which means I would have to run the A/C, which itself does no good when I seem to need it most. I wonder if the A/C's thermostat senses the outside air and does less cooling rather than sensing the inside air and going off that? Something is wrong when an A/C cannot cool colder than the outside air on a cool night. There should be no competition.

Then again, I am trying to go native and be a bit more rugged by living more humbly. Though water was good, I can only drink so much of the plain stuff. So, I have set about making a gallon of tea. With a few options in what to drink, I can drink much more fluid. Milk even has two features, it gets me fluid and acts like a meal, all in one. Juices I can cut with water, about 50/50, both to reduce costs and because straight juice seems to take more water out in processing than it puts back. But that split gives me both a bit of flavor and a bit of hydration.

I swear, this might kill me. But as I said, I came here to live or die. I would rather die trying to live than to simply roll over. I know, I quit often. Or seem to. I retreat and take stock, then try it again. Engineering school has seemed like the real monster, but I know I can get through if all the right pieces are in play. And more, I want to get through. And working out, it seems like I have quit. And when I say that though I thought I could do 100 benches a day, with barbells up to a similar number, I find that I am wrong. It seems like I may be quitting, but I am not. I am reassessing. I think I will have to go every other day with that. What do I know? I know, even half or possibly mostly dead, I am still hanging on and trying to climb that rope. To where? Does anybody know? It is there so I climb, or try. I guess I am not so dead after all, just "mostly dead".

I do not know how often my friend will want to go out shooting. I think I, however, will make it a twice weekly event, or that is the plan (and you know how plans often go). I need to work on the .22 rifle. I will just have to lie down, or create a bench rest, or something. It is a heavy rifle, with a full length target barrel and heavy stock. I think, once I get in shape or when I am not so tired I will be able to hunt with it. But sighting it in, then believing in it first, are what it will take to do so. Plus, just getting out, being in the heat, walking, hiking, and exploring will help.

I am sorry to blog so much, but with no sleep to be had, and being that it is so late so that I can do no other business or activities, and with my mind rolling around in my sweltering head, this is what I can do and so I do it. Even if it is not technically private, I am sure much of this is boring and more information than you ever wanted to know. Well, too late. :p

Till tomorrow, I hope. Maybe I will skip a day? For now, I doubt that. Until I can acclimate and be gone, this is one of my releases. Anyway, good night and fare thee well.

I am connected.

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It is so good to be back online. I believe I am using DSL wireless, a new thing for me. It is a 3 Gb system, which is not a problem since I do not download much at all. I think I had 4 or 7 Gb before. But just being able to log in, finally, and regularly is swell. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night so I am hoping this will make sense.

I am about ready to get a shower, get dressed, and head out shooting in a few hours. I have my .22s ready, the ammo set out, the targets with that in case ground squirrels are scarce, and water already in the Xterra. My neighbor is getting ready as well. He is going to let me shoot a few rounds of .357, though he is taking .38 +P for most of the shooting with that pistol. He has already shot an XD, so I will not be taking my .45. And I have no ammo for my AK-47 clone but would not be taking that in any case. I am seriously hoping to get my .22 rifle and scope targeted rightly, and see if the gunsmith did his work well with the .22 pistol. Shooting with someone who has been around guns his whole life, and shoots often, should help. If I cannot see the problem, perhaps he will.

I looked up residency requirements and license fees, and I do not think I will be hunting this year. Out of state tags and licenses are a bit rich. Of course, I will spend my time practicing and scouting. That works well too. Maybe I will be in much better shape, physically, accuracy, and precision wise when it comes to bringing in meat. I do wonder, however, what size roaster a bull elk might take? And then, if All-Clad offers that size. I will look that up really soon, right after buying the Brooklyn Bridge fr0m Joe Schmo, I think that is what he said his name was.

Not much else happening. Oh, I had best call my insurance company first. Mountain driving can be tricky, with signs for everything from cattle to fauna crossings to falling rock, along with the blind curves and the heavy curves themselves. I am sure I will get used to driving there soon, if I do not find a particularly attractive cliff to drive off in the meanwhile. Slow and steady is my way, as usual, and in any case. Bah, I would probably even fall off the cliff slowly.

Have a good day.

Blogging because I cannot sleep.

Thursday, July 16, 2009 2:51
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The shower cooled me off for a short while, but not enough to sleep. So, I busied myself with a few minor domestic chores. The little cave is full but kempt. I will need a vacuum cleaner soon, and a good one. When I have the internet, I can begin a thorough search for the best quality at the best price. I have had four vacuums that sucked only in the bad way. Some of them I spent some decent coin on. Some manufacturers simply should not be in business. Anyway, it is no cooler or warmer without the A/C, as I said. The fans are going full bore to no avail, even with the window and door glass pulled back to the screen and with the big fan right near the window. I simply do not understand it.

I keep reviewing what I have done and what I am beginning here. I am quite pleased with this humble start and the new realities and further hopes. Everything, save the heat, has been overcome with coin, a little elbow grease, a bit of both, or asking around. I have even found out that, should I only be able to hike one way to the store, initially, there is a bus ride to be had for free back to a block or two away. I must admit to having been a bit worried about that. Not that 30 blocks is a great deal, but the shape I am in must be considered. Even so, I am a bit reluctant to try the hike. I am worried that I will get there, drenched in sweat, smelling like a goat, and will get a bad reputation. The bother of worries!

I suppose, if nothing else, I can just adjust my sleep schedule for the summer. Sleeping the cool hours, being active during the warmer time. I have been told that these apartments are not only hot in the summer, they are quite cold in the winter. The wind, or so it goes, shoots right through the walls. I will be looking for some thermal type blankets to use as tapestries on my whole east wall. I do not know how expensive that is, or how much it will help, but it is worth a shot. Electric heating is rather pricey here, just as is A/C.

Unlike when I lived in Coralville, I am keeping a very neat place. Everything really does have a place and I do my utmost to keep it that way. Toilet paper to towels, socks to jeans to shirts, jackets, guns, ammo and tools. All have been stowed in very specific places. Once used, minus the toilet paper, back it goes. I have finally even found some things that were being thrown out which server my two computer space needs perfectly. I had been thinking about going to Wal-Mart to buy items such as these. Though they are not high quality, they are as good if a bit more used than what I would have bought. Now my printer, portable DVD read/writer, and computer have a private table so that meal spills will not affect them. The other computer has it’s own complete desk, which will serve perfectly as a stand for the wireless router. It seems a minor blessing, and right before the wireless is to be hooked up!

Oh, this little computer is fantastic so far. As I said, I can type on it quite well, it is easy to plug into wi-fi or standard modems. Checking mail, surfing the net, blogging, and all other minor tasks with it are fantastic. Though I may use the other computer for gaming, I will strip all else from it and use it just for that. If I do anything else with it, I will make it a dual-boot Linux. I plan to do that to this one for certain, as Microsoft is too problematic and easy to hack. Plus, I think I can get better office ware free for Linux than what I could pay for Microsoft. The added benefit will be learning to program, even if rather lightly, should I want to go that rout. This was the best $400 investment I have ever made, computer-wise. It is a Toshiba nb200, if you need to know again. Oh, and the printer is a $69 HP printer/copier/scanner, and the DVD read/write is an HP DVD 555s external drive, which ran about $85 or a little less.

Well, my hair is dry, it is cooling just a bit, and I ought to get a few winks before I am forced out of bed. I hope you all sleep (slept by the time you read this) and are getting your own affairs in order for the day, weekend, and life. It will be nice to have blogging access again. Both for more timely updates and to get to read about your lives! I believe there is little more important to people than our stories, and that people, little and big, great and humble, religious and not so much, are very important beings. And I mean to always believe that, even if I may be cynical, skeptical, obnoxious, and such by my nature. Even if I go on to become a professional someday, I will do everything in my power not to let that go. It is one of the few things that makes me a little different that I actually like.

Good night.

If you cannot beat them, join them.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 23:25
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I decided rather than to fight the heat with the poor cooling devices at hand that I would just go with it. I turned off the A/C unit, and during the cooler parts of the day even the fans. I have opened up the window on the screen door and the window proper. I can lock the screen door. I hope that is enough and that I would hear someone coming into my apartment. It is no hotter, at the hottest, and only slightly warmer at the coolest. I think I was just throwing money away. The A/C here is junk. I would find a way to replace it but it is one of those built-in units, like what you might find at a hotel, only it does not really work. That and my money situation is tight and will be for a month or two, until I spend down move costs and get my banking local. I just do not need a really high utility bill, though that aspect is an afterthought.

The outside is cool enough to help, but even with the windows open and the fans going, I get little air flow in here. I just moved to big standing fan closer to the window, maybe that will help. I did not do it earlier because I doubted it would help. Lord bless me, I am a born doubting Thomas. Hmm, you know what, I actually think that is working.

I have set up a time tomorrow to go shooting. Apparently, ground squirrels and a number of other varmints are free for the shooting around these parts. If I have it rightly, even squirrel and rabbit are free for the taking. Though since I eat those, and this is not the season to do so, I will not shoot those until it has cooled in the fall a month or two. I should be in practice by then. And, yes, I will eat most of the animal, leaving only spleen, kidneys, and intestines for the wild animals. Heart, liver, brain, and meat are all good. Though one should look at the behavior of the animal and the offal itself before simply digging in. That goes for the meat itself, though, too. If it is not too hot, I will be sighting in my .22 rifle and pistol. I believe the neighbor going with me will be taking his .22, .38/357, and .45. He has been tricking out his .45 and it feels fine. I cannot wait to get out.

I did little today. Getting a late and slow start as I did. I will just have to see how well my new program of simply dealing with the heat works. I am sure, even if I can get it to work out, it will take a few days, maybe a few weeks, to get it down. I have to be up early tomorrow. The technician who will be installing the wi-fi will be here between 8:00 and noon. I will shower tonight to try and cool off for sleep and set the alarm to give me an hour to wake and shower before he arrives. I can always lounge-nap until he arrives.

I did my first workout this afternoon. It was not much, but it is a start. I did 100 barbell presses, and 40 dumbbell lifts, without weights for now. I am going to go at this slow and steady. This week is a null set. I plan to do these daily, for now. Each week I will add 5 pounds until I hit 20 pounds, then I will add 10 pounds until I hit 40 pounds, etc. I will also add one exercise per week. After next week, I will add a blank short bar. The week after that I might add flies. Until I get in some shape, I suspect I can do daily and add many extra bare bell exercises as I go. At some point I will certainly have to re-evaluate the whole thing. I am working on breathing in as I lift and breathing out as a lower. And this should help me get balance and form down before I get to heavier weights. It is not much. It is a start.

I am not really tired. Still, I should try and get some rest. Tomorrow might end up being a long one. I do need to check to make sure my insurance on the Xterra was updated when I bought the new one and change my address with my insurance company in any case. I would also like to know if my renters insurance covers items in storage for theft or vandalism anyway. Along with the tech, the insurance, shooting, and shopping, I think I had best find out where the Church is. I doubt if the office is open on Saturdays so if I want to go to Church this Sunday, and perhaps go to confession Saturday, I had best find the place. Ackh! (times 3, or is it 4?)

As expected, a late and slow start.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 15:47
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Waking in the middle of the night to deal with cooling off the place and myself really takes a toll. I costs more than just a little lost sleep, it using up my weak reserves. I will just have to figure things out, and I will. Money is tight, but I may look around for a humidifier, or whatever they are called, as I think that is the ticket. Then I will tinker with everything to get this all under control. The key here is money and credit, I am not sure how much of any of it is left. Though there is always next month and I can easily suffer through a bit. I might even just get used to it, but I do not think so.

Internet will be arriving tomorrow, between 8:00 and 12:00. That will be of great use. And, as I said, I am getting wireless. I would install it myself, but I am just not up to it. A few extra dollars is worth having the thing working and secure from the start. I have not started rearranging the old computer or getting this one to work as a Linux machine. I have had too many other things going and no access, really for doing the Linux downloads and setup. I am not sure I trust the hot spots for more than minor blogging and email, if even that really.

Not much has happened today, and not much is likely to happen. My bed, as I had hoped, and on top of the heat, is lumpy. *laughs* Be careful for what you wish! Though in truth, I am pleased that it is an uncomfortable bed. It just does not allow for sleeping more than what I really need. Although today I might finally begin working out. It will not be an epic start with a meteoric scaling up. It will be in with a whimper, onward with a shrug, and maybe someday to a reasonable strength training regimen. Along with swimming, eventually, I may begin that long climb out of sloth or obesity, or both. Whatever. It will simply be the first stirrings in the reawakening of the dragon. It really is time.

Life is pretty good whatever minor complaints I have. I have made it to a place I believe I can enjoy and where I might begin being alive again. I must be honest, there are things about Iowa I will miss. There are people there I love a great deal, friends, family, and associates. It is one of the lands of my childhood. It is all I have known for a goodly part of my life. And there are things I will not like here. I will have to adapt, change, and grow here. All of those last come with a price. But in paying the price, the chance of a quickening is greatly enhanced too. The Lord knows I am a fool, but the fool knows the Lord loves fools almost as much as He loves children.

My mother called. My brother has had emergency back surgery. His slipped disc has ruptured, if I have it right. He is in pain like he has never known. She has been through this twice, I was with her for her first two weeks this last time. She describes now how desperately painful it was, but other than being sometimes bitterly grumpy (and painfully so to my delicate nature), she never really let on how much pain she was in. She amazes me, more so as time goes on. I was so glad to be there for her, even if I needed a break of a week or two before coming back for a month. She said that having me there, and near, and willing to help her in any way was a Godsend. Now, she is going to be with her son.

My brother has been harsh to my mother. As have I at times. Our youth was a difficult one, and it is difficult not to lay that suffering at her feet. Though too, she was a loving mother, if a bit of a stickler for propriety. I still say thank you and you are welcome quite often. I even toss in a ma’am, or sir, from time to time. My brother and myself have both gone through our own maturing and forgiving processes. I think, because I have died a few times and new it was my mother I wanted most of all, I matured the quicker, and found a way to forgive and love again. He was given a choice of who he wanted by him, while he recovers, and it was our Mom. I know that pain, I know that primal need. And bless her, she will be flying out to be with him as he needs. Like him or not, I will pray for him if pain has brought him to this understanding. I hope they find a way to mend bridges and find peace, as she and I have. But, too, I simply pray for his quick recovery, for a realignment of priorities, and that he may find grace in his newfound and extreme humility. It is humbling being unable. But too, it really can be a grace. I have let her know, if she, or he, needs anything, I am a short distance away now. I would not want to go, but I would if called. The rejection from my brother is quite fresh. Humility in duty, I guess, that is what I would have to face and accept.

Actually, I am using my smart phone to clear up old emails an try and begin making sense of things internet wise. It will not allow me to post on my blog, but it does allow me to see if anyone has commented, to tend some business, and to keep a few personal email contacts fresh. I am sure I could use it as a modem, but I am not sure where the cords or instructions are. And, I am not sure exactly how secure that is. So, till tomorrow, what I have will do.

Have a great day!

Oh fine, so I blog too much.

Monday, July 13, 2009 17:48
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I finished with the clothes, folding most of them mind you, then decided the day was finished for chores. I drove to KFC, picked up enough food for a meal for each of four days. I can get by with what else I have for the rest of the week at least. I then decided to drive along the foothills and see if I could find a way into a place that is not listed on the map I have at this time. I came upon a place called Green Valley. It is located in North Logan, not by the look of it, to be confused with Logan. Signs like, watch for joggers, and a few other things tipped that this was upper scale, or exclusive a bit, or something. Then I get into the valley proper and I see more signs, no shooting, no paintball, and a few other things I think. Oh, and Green Valley has been adopted by North Logan. Fine, I can handle all that, especially since, almost begrudgingly, there was also a sign, big game hunting allowed in accordance with Utah state law! Hehehe

I did see several nice trail heads. I think I saw three different ones. Whether they merge, mesh, or are quite separate, I do not know yet. It looks like a good place to start, though it would be really nice to know, exactly, what I am getting into before starting. A ten mile or twenty mile hike is beyond my ability, currently. Those trails tend upward a mighty fine clip. A heart attack, heat stroke, or such would do me no good right about now. I could always go a ways, then head back when I have had enough. No, I am a damnable fool sometimes, and might just overwork through it just to do it. As bad of shape as I am in, I sometimes surprise myself with what I can do, and how much that can cost me.

I am quite excited to be here! I know, in time, maybe as little as a week or two, I will find myself to some trails. I would like to merge my trail hiking with where I might be hunting. That will take a little homework to merge the two. If I am ready for a hike, however, and I have not been able to combine hunting and hiking yet but have found hiking trails I believe I can do, I will just have to hike anyway. Tomorrow looks like a good day to try and make contact with two of those men I have discussed driving and hiking with. I can drive anytime. I should have enough money for gas, food, and whatnot until the end of the month without any problems. It is a bit tight though I think it will be just fine and sooner than not, money wise.

It is 76 F, in my apartment. When the sun came up, and until noon, it was around 72 F. What I do not get is why, well after the sun has set, this place goes up to 80 F? That just does not make sense. Residual heat might keep things warm, but warmer than when the sun is up as well? I really need to find some way to cool this place off without running the A/C full blast, plus two fans running top dollar. That is quickly going to bankrupt me. Then again, I am thinking I can make it up in the winter months. I hear that 20 F days are rather rare here, so it does not get nearly as cold as Iowa. I did the same thing there, saving money by letting it be cooler in the winter while cranking the A/C in the summer. I came out well ahead, even after running the A/C full blast for the last month. I think I was $60 or so overcharged, at least. Oh well, I will figure something out.

I am going to take a shower to cool off, then try to be asleep before the heat hits. Maybe I can learn to sleep through it, if I can beat the heat to bed.

Have a great day, or night, or whatever.

*poof*

Really right on it.

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I finally got in to do some laundry and update you all. That first week here, as you will find out, was quite busy. On top of exhaustion, what I have been doing has taken time. I have done most of those things I have been trying to do. The only thing I have left to do today is call the local priest and maybe pick up some boxes. I did not get out of bed, officially, until around noon. After staying up so late last night, probably until 3:00 or 4:00 due to the heat, I am not worried about my late start.

I am doing well, figuring out all of the problems that exist, and usually solving them almost immediately. I am happy with how I am doing, though I see so very clearly how out of shape I am. Yeah, I am getting on that. As I said, it will be a slow thing, one step at a time. And, of course, who knows how much of my disability I can honestly overcome. Crashing for 3 to 6 months does not help. If any of that will be different here only time will tell. I know I am pushing way past anything I would have thought possible. Whether I can keep that going I can only pray.

The food I am eating, for the moment, is not the best. But it puts calories in me and keeps me going. I hope, if I end up going back to college that I will have access to better food. I know it, when college food is better than what one is eating, one is at the bottom of the food chain, or close to it. I have been trying to cut out soda. I do not keep it at home. I am trying to get to water, juice when that will not do, and a couple of beers a couple of nights a week.

Whatever growth was occurring has disappeared. I will still find the closest V.A. Hospital anyway, and check some things out with a doctor there. I need to get the eye doctor and dental clinic operating for me in any case. That, I believe, I will try to get started tomorrow by phone. My previous doctors and techs suggested I call the clinics themselves, as going through the full bureaucracy may take a year or more, while the actual people in charge will pull me right in and have the things needed going in no time. So, I will follow their advice.

Well, just thought I would fill you in, put in the blog posts I had written but could not send, and hopefully please you with my little success and continuing work and push.

Be well people. Your prayers, hopes, and well wishes have helped sustain me. Perhaps it is just that which will see me through to a new life, along with my effort and God's part. You remain in my prayers and thoughts. Perhaps next month, or the one after, depending on how money goes, I might have to pay a visit to one of you. Blessings.

P.S. I would love to visit your blogs, but I am out of time here and I have a couple other things I really need to do. I will have internet in my place the 16th, sometime, so I will try to catch up then, unless I get to the laundromat again before then. I will not have to put in a bunch of posts and write another then, so it should be easier.

Some nights are just too hot.

Monday, July 13, 2009 1:04
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It is 80 F, with A/C and both fans running full out. It does not seem too hot, but my body will not click off and go to sleep. I am hoping I will acclimate to this type of heat before long. Until then, I will just have to stay up later and sleep later. I will be looking into vaporizers, moisturizers, or whatever the things are called that put moisture into the air… evaporators? My place is quite small so I will not need a large one. But the last time I checked they were rather expensive. I have noted, however, that some things cost less out here. Then again, some things cost more. It does not seem to make sense, so it must be based on how far the goods need to travel to get here. Some examples, beer cost the same (or at least Budweiser, 12 pack, bottles), milk is cheaper, my favored brand of butter is at least twice as expensive (Land O’ Lakes), and gasoline is higher by 40 or 50 cents. That would be Hy-Vee there compared to Albertson’s here. I am not sure if Albertson’s is a premium store like Hy-Vee was, but I am guessing so by selection, store size, and such. At 3:30, my mind tends to ramble. Oh, it is not hot like this every night. It seems to come and go. I have not figured out why this is the case, maybe in time I will learn of this odd weather.

I will still try to get up as early as I can. I have a decent sized chore list for tomorrow. I would like to visit the Church, which happens to be a little more than a block away. I had not noticed it, even though I drove by it several times. Most churches here seem to be rather… unobtrusive, almost hidden. I tried to find the other Catholic Church, but the street signs in that part of town were very difficult to read, if they existed at all, and are not the same as the address given in phone book, though it was a very dark night as well. Perhaps I simply was not quite in the right part of that town, though I think their signs are just odd. Besides making a Church visit, I will be calling the V.A. Voc. Rehab. again, calling my landlord, calling my bank in Coralville, putting a check into my account here, calling my Mom about information I get from my landlord, talking to my current landlord and putting in a repair request for a dripping sink (Doh! Again, new landlord, same problem!) and about the toilet (seeing if I put half in on a new one (real new) if they will replace the one I have now (it has a quart milk jug full of water to help it close when finished flushing, but it does not allow a full flush well, and if I force a full flush, half of the time I have to reset the stupid thing).

Most of that is phone work though. I would also like to begin working out, lifting weights at bare minimums, doing set-ups, and perhaps hiking to one laundromat or walking across the street to the other, whichever offers internet for sure, and whichever is cheaper, so that I can put my blog posts up and change my mailing address. I have plenty of dirty laundry and further would like to wash all of my clothes (save underwear) because they are wrinkled from being in a suitcase. If, and that is a big if, I get all that done and still have energy, or can push on even if I do not, I would like to do two more things. First, I would like to start finding resources for the various outdoor activities I have in mind. Second, I would like to grab three boxes from storage and begin going through all of that. My couch is not in the storage unit as it should be, making it difficult to close the storage unit, so I may have to fix that while I am there.

I am going to try to get some sleep. Good night, or probably afternoon.