.
.
My pulse now seems quite high. The last few times I checked b.p., the pulse was running at about 111 or so. I did a very little research and it seems that this could be one more bit of evidence that I have a thyroid problem. Their is a risk that I may have developed heart problems, though I am thinking that more unlikely than not, but who knows. There are some other possible health culprits, though those seem even more of a longshot.
Now, I do not think I would care so much, however, between the high blood pressure and the high pulse rate, my ears not only ring, they have started to hurt a great deal. With every pulse, my right ear definitely and my left ear at times hurt to the point of worry. To that end, I called the V.A. to get in. Luckily or not, they had a cancellation tomorrow afternoon with the, I believe, nurse practitioner. All I want, since they cannot really seem to help me, is to know if this is something serious. I want to know if it means I will be dying sooner rather than later or if this is just a minor thing.
Unfortunately, I do not trust them to offer treatments. However, I would allow some monitoring. If I am going to die, I am good with that. It would simply be nice to know in order that I may financially plan a bit. For instance, I do not think beginning in on a house would be the best of plans. As well, college would be out, if I can continue tinkering with math and physics until I died. However, if this is just another "long term" worry, then I can get back to business as usual.
Now, if this is as I suspect, just another in a long line of long term issues, I am hoping they might have something that would at least ease the pain of the earache (local, not global painkillers or treatments though). I am desperately hoping I can at least trust them to deal with an EAR ACHE! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Although, to be honest, I expect them to say there is nothing they can do unless I do what has proven to not work in the past in order to take care of illnesses they seem to choose not to tend, tend rightly, or when they find something that works to deliver that curative. Just saying...
Frustrated much? :p
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Oh joy!
.
.
The last parts of my calculus study material has arrived! Oh, I know, to many that does not sound fun. But to me it is great fun. Now to settle down and get to it. I could easily help others through calculus, once I knock some of the rust off. I would not, however, call myself a great mathematician. I am merely slightly familiar with it and I obtain some pleasure in doing it. To be honest, calculus is done on computers, looked up in manuals, or sent to the math departments of engineering and other businesses. Most engineers I have spoken with, including smaller firm electrical engineers and a big power company electrical engineer, do no know how to do calculus, mostly, anymore. Of course, that is a small sampling and anecdotal, but...
I am still wondering about school. In any case, I would like to hop up my math skills and then get into physics after that. As I said, I may have a friend who has never had calculus (though he has the precursor math education) with whom to study. I also have a number of actual course books to use to expand the study. And more, I may now have access to a book with the answers... perhaps. I am quite excited. Yes, personal. Perhaps not interesting at all. But to me, it would be like someone else finding a large group of happy old family pictures or finding wanted volunteer flowers blooming way before there time or figuring out how to do something that has plagued a person for years. I really am pleased as punch!
Have a great day.
.
The last parts of my calculus study material has arrived! Oh, I know, to many that does not sound fun. But to me it is great fun. Now to settle down and get to it. I could easily help others through calculus, once I knock some of the rust off. I would not, however, call myself a great mathematician. I am merely slightly familiar with it and I obtain some pleasure in doing it. To be honest, calculus is done on computers, looked up in manuals, or sent to the math departments of engineering and other businesses. Most engineers I have spoken with, including smaller firm electrical engineers and a big power company electrical engineer, do no know how to do calculus, mostly, anymore. Of course, that is a small sampling and anecdotal, but...
I am still wondering about school. In any case, I would like to hop up my math skills and then get into physics after that. As I said, I may have a friend who has never had calculus (though he has the precursor math education) with whom to study. I also have a number of actual course books to use to expand the study. And more, I may now have access to a book with the answers... perhaps. I am quite excited. Yes, personal. Perhaps not interesting at all. But to me, it would be like someone else finding a large group of happy old family pictures or finding wanted volunteer flowers blooming way before there time or figuring out how to do something that has plagued a person for years. I really am pleased as punch!
Have a great day.
What a world.
.
.
Glimpsing the news, it is obvious that the people of this nation have chosen a token president and they are going to pay dearly for it. If my feet were not in the fire, I would be pleased about it. The economy is broken if it has not yet collapsed. This administration is not completely to fault, however I will note that it is the type of governance these types have enacted which are the major factors. Beyond that, the policies this administration is enacting and trying to enact which will keep the economy from recovering. It is, as I have always said, their intent to retard the economy. First, they do not believe in capitalism or private gain, to be honest. As well, the more people who depend on the government they come to owe that government, the very one which disabled their job search, as their sole means of food and other vital needs.
I am not sure if the nation can be saved at this point. The deficits make any kind of quick recovery impossible. The laws that have been enacted in the past, with a spike anticipated in new laws in that vein if they can get even some of it through, will disable competition, retard growth sectors, and keep the wealthy rich and more while the middle class and poor become much poorer. This, and the left actually hates this administration for not doing enough. Make no mistake, it is not what he IS doing, it is what he is not doing that makes the moonbats angry.
On another topic, I recently noted a questionnaire at a blog I sometimes visit. It suggested that people who do not wish to join (assuming all factors like age, access, etc. are in play) a fraternity because it is popular, big, and powerful makes someone a wannabe, or was it beta (or less) if you believe those types of ratings. Not only no, but hell no. For people who are completely stuck on surface appearance and getting ahead at any cost, sure! In the MTV world, as I like to call it, where Madonna (or whoever is filling her tired old shoes these days) is queen and where pimping pop icons of all nature are to be emulated, where mass murderer's art sells well, and where 15 minutes of fame on the news is worth destroying your credibility and life, yes, I suppose that is true. But for any real man, joining anything just because it is 'hip' or 'going' is beta in the extreme. Groups such as that, if not considered purely business if that is needed to get ahead, are for followers. I had to get that out of my system. I cannot believe the author could be that stupid.
Looks like my little talk with my lady friend worked. She called and gave me a rather open time frame for next years visit. She also included a $150 off code she received from the airlines because of the lost luggage. Yeah, she will be out again. Though her gratefulness was more why she will be returning than anything. I only hope we have snow when she comes. Otherwise, we will go out on a couple day hiking and camping trip. If it is a bit chill here, we can go south just a bit. It is usually no cooler the 50 F in some parts of this state, mostly. She best be ready, I will be, somehow.
.
Glimpsing the news, it is obvious that the people of this nation have chosen a token president and they are going to pay dearly for it. If my feet were not in the fire, I would be pleased about it. The economy is broken if it has not yet collapsed. This administration is not completely to fault, however I will note that it is the type of governance these types have enacted which are the major factors. Beyond that, the policies this administration is enacting and trying to enact which will keep the economy from recovering. It is, as I have always said, their intent to retard the economy. First, they do not believe in capitalism or private gain, to be honest. As well, the more people who depend on the government they come to owe that government, the very one which disabled their job search, as their sole means of food and other vital needs.
I am not sure if the nation can be saved at this point. The deficits make any kind of quick recovery impossible. The laws that have been enacted in the past, with a spike anticipated in new laws in that vein if they can get even some of it through, will disable competition, retard growth sectors, and keep the wealthy rich and more while the middle class and poor become much poorer. This, and the left actually hates this administration for not doing enough. Make no mistake, it is not what he IS doing, it is what he is not doing that makes the moonbats angry.
On another topic, I recently noted a questionnaire at a blog I sometimes visit. It suggested that people who do not wish to join (assuming all factors like age, access, etc. are in play) a fraternity because it is popular, big, and powerful makes someone a wannabe, or was it beta (or less) if you believe those types of ratings. Not only no, but hell no. For people who are completely stuck on surface appearance and getting ahead at any cost, sure! In the MTV world, as I like to call it, where Madonna (or whoever is filling her tired old shoes these days) is queen and where pimping pop icons of all nature are to be emulated, where mass murderer's art sells well, and where 15 minutes of fame on the news is worth destroying your credibility and life, yes, I suppose that is true. But for any real man, joining anything just because it is 'hip' or 'going' is beta in the extreme. Groups such as that, if not considered purely business if that is needed to get ahead, are for followers. I had to get that out of my system. I cannot believe the author could be that stupid.
Looks like my little talk with my lady friend worked. She called and gave me a rather open time frame for next years visit. She also included a $150 off code she received from the airlines because of the lost luggage. Yeah, she will be out again. Though her gratefulness was more why she will be returning than anything. I only hope we have snow when she comes. Otherwise, we will go out on a couple day hiking and camping trip. If it is a bit chill here, we can go south just a bit. It is usually no cooler the 50 F in some parts of this state, mostly. She best be ready, I will be, somehow.
Monday, February 1, 2010
A rather busy weekend.
.
.
Well, I do consider Friday a part of my weekend. I went shooting Friday afternoon. My pistol shot needs work, it was almost embarrassing. A 50 foot shot at a pop bottle should not be something I have to work at. With the .22, however, there is no doubt. Putting 3 to 5 thousand rounds, or more, down range this summer has solidified that. I still only miss when I try to simply think the bullet in the bottle while not really aiming. Even then, sometimes I hit. It snowed, heavily, recently, so getting to that range might night be possible again for a while. And, after having checked out some of the other places we have shot, I realize there is little chance at getting to or otherwise using those places. The private range might be it. I do not mind paying a few dollars for the opportunity though my former neighbor seems to balk at that. We will see. But I need to start shooting the pistol again, to be certain. Now that I have plenty of both large pistol and large rifle primers, .22 and .45 ammunition (if still a bit shy of AK ammunition), I feel a bit more secure about putting more .45 rounds downrange.
After that, we always go for a meal and do some minor shopping or at least window shopping. Neither of us gets out that often, so it is almost akin to how farmers used to go to town once every week or two. The meals are great. No cooking, if I do enjoy that part, no cleaning, no muss, and no fuss. Plus, it is fun to flirt lightly with the waitresses. Which, too, is part of the reason I really hate male servers. I am not even sure I would calling flirting these days. We are both a bit old for those young women. It is more the enjoyment of being fussed over. And, yeah, it is a good thing. It's a service all by itself, one men cannot fill. Blah.
I thought I was done after arriving home. Another friend called and asked if I wanted to go out. Well, okay. I was tired but I rarely get the chance to go out, so I agreed. His doctorate program is beating him up and he needed to get out for a bit. There are only 3 or 4 bars in town, perhaps a few more restaurants that serve beer, and actually only one of the bars that I have seen serves anything harder than beer. No matter. It was a decent night out. We usually start rather early and end early, though we often stop somewhere for a bite to eat before returning home. And, we take a taxi. Around here, drinking and driving is absolutely unwise.
Then, Saturday afternoon, The two friends mentioned and another, a friend of that last friend, headed up the valley to a firepit. We promptly dug snow out of the pit, found some kindling, and used 'store bought' main wood to get the fire up and going. After a decent b.s. session, we cooked various meats on that fire. It was good in a lot of ways. I think we all enjoyed getting out of civilization and such. Though next time, I am taking salt. Meat only every needs one additive, but it needs it a good deal.
Today is a new week. I need to get my feet under me and begin digging in again. The air is crisp, clean again, and the sun is out. I hate the sun in the summer, but I love it now. There is nothing like snow and shine, to my way of thinking. The cold, to me, simply does not matter. All the guys were cold, after our cook out, not I. Business and pleasure are available this week, should I take charge or at least follow. Whatever, it should be good now that I am back on Coca~Cola, waking up at around 7:00, having some energy back, and going to bed before midnight (usually).
Have a great week yourselves!
.
Well, I do consider Friday a part of my weekend. I went shooting Friday afternoon. My pistol shot needs work, it was almost embarrassing. A 50 foot shot at a pop bottle should not be something I have to work at. With the .22, however, there is no doubt. Putting 3 to 5 thousand rounds, or more, down range this summer has solidified that. I still only miss when I try to simply think the bullet in the bottle while not really aiming. Even then, sometimes I hit. It snowed, heavily, recently, so getting to that range might night be possible again for a while. And, after having checked out some of the other places we have shot, I realize there is little chance at getting to or otherwise using those places. The private range might be it. I do not mind paying a few dollars for the opportunity though my former neighbor seems to balk at that. We will see. But I need to start shooting the pistol again, to be certain. Now that I have plenty of both large pistol and large rifle primers, .22 and .45 ammunition (if still a bit shy of AK ammunition), I feel a bit more secure about putting more .45 rounds downrange.
After that, we always go for a meal and do some minor shopping or at least window shopping. Neither of us gets out that often, so it is almost akin to how farmers used to go to town once every week or two. The meals are great. No cooking, if I do enjoy that part, no cleaning, no muss, and no fuss. Plus, it is fun to flirt lightly with the waitresses. Which, too, is part of the reason I really hate male servers. I am not even sure I would calling flirting these days. We are both a bit old for those young women. It is more the enjoyment of being fussed over. And, yeah, it is a good thing. It's a service all by itself, one men cannot fill. Blah.
I thought I was done after arriving home. Another friend called and asked if I wanted to go out. Well, okay. I was tired but I rarely get the chance to go out, so I agreed. His doctorate program is beating him up and he needed to get out for a bit. There are only 3 or 4 bars in town, perhaps a few more restaurants that serve beer, and actually only one of the bars that I have seen serves anything harder than beer. No matter. It was a decent night out. We usually start rather early and end early, though we often stop somewhere for a bite to eat before returning home. And, we take a taxi. Around here, drinking and driving is absolutely unwise.
Then, Saturday afternoon, The two friends mentioned and another, a friend of that last friend, headed up the valley to a firepit. We promptly dug snow out of the pit, found some kindling, and used 'store bought' main wood to get the fire up and going. After a decent b.s. session, we cooked various meats on that fire. It was good in a lot of ways. I think we all enjoyed getting out of civilization and such. Though next time, I am taking salt. Meat only every needs one additive, but it needs it a good deal.
Today is a new week. I need to get my feet under me and begin digging in again. The air is crisp, clean again, and the sun is out. I hate the sun in the summer, but I love it now. There is nothing like snow and shine, to my way of thinking. The cold, to me, simply does not matter. All the guys were cold, after our cook out, not I. Business and pleasure are available this week, should I take charge or at least follow. Whatever, it should be good now that I am back on Coca~Cola, waking up at around 7:00, having some energy back, and going to bed before midnight (usually).
Have a great week yourselves!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Women are beautiful.
.
.
Sure, the title is akin to saying the sun is bright. Yet I felt the need to say that. They are not just beautiful of flesh. That goes without saying should a man have any normalcy to him whatsoever. The physical form that women inhabit is an amazing thing. The curves, softness, voice, and size all call attention, much as a flower attracts the sun and bees and even the human eye. Every time I see a woman, I know God loves me.
It has been pleasant here in Utah. Unlike where I was, women are genuinely pleasant here. When I receive a great big smile, a pleasant greeting, or even a silent nod and withheld grin, I have the feeling that these things from the local ladies and young women are simply shared emotions of the most simple design. I do not feel that I am being encroached upon, I do not feel a fake or wrong sexiness to them, I just enjoy them as I would enjoy a beautiful natural setting. Because of this I have reason to believe I am in the right place to find a simple, humbling, long term situation with a woman.
This is not going anywhere, this post. I just wanted to thank all the beautiful women out their for their kind attentions to us lowly men. We can never have your beauty, if perhaps we might be able to share some of it in a weird, close, loving relationship. And, no, beauty is not purely surface. Be who you are and let us enjoy what you may not always see. Thanks ladies!
I would do some kind of xoxo stuff at the end, but... this is the home of Doom. Hush. :P
.
Sure, the title is akin to saying the sun is bright. Yet I felt the need to say that. They are not just beautiful of flesh. That goes without saying should a man have any normalcy to him whatsoever. The physical form that women inhabit is an amazing thing. The curves, softness, voice, and size all call attention, much as a flower attracts the sun and bees and even the human eye. Every time I see a woman, I know God loves me.
It has been pleasant here in Utah. Unlike where I was, women are genuinely pleasant here. When I receive a great big smile, a pleasant greeting, or even a silent nod and withheld grin, I have the feeling that these things from the local ladies and young women are simply shared emotions of the most simple design. I do not feel that I am being encroached upon, I do not feel a fake or wrong sexiness to them, I just enjoy them as I would enjoy a beautiful natural setting. Because of this I have reason to believe I am in the right place to find a simple, humbling, long term situation with a woman.
This is not going anywhere, this post. I just wanted to thank all the beautiful women out their for their kind attentions to us lowly men. We can never have your beauty, if perhaps we might be able to share some of it in a weird, close, loving relationship. And, no, beauty is not purely surface. Be who you are and let us enjoy what you may not always see. Thanks ladies!
I would do some kind of xoxo stuff at the end, but... this is the home of Doom. Hush. :P
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Up and at it.
.
.
And an early rise. The last 3 or 4 days have been good that way. The great thing is I get my fresh dose of morning blogs fresh and hot. I, generally, do not bother with "the news". Bloggers keep on top of what I am interested, good stories get carried over, I have learned who to trust how much and in what areas, and it does not cost a dime. Oh, and do not even think I agree with everything being put out. A lot of my sources are conservative in this area and nearly libertine in that area (not my cup of tea, to put it lightly). Reading and commenting in the middle of the night is a good way to not receive a pat on the head from the author, as yesterday's posts get buried in today's new stuff and the authors might not even have time to review old comments on old posts. So, morning is the time.
Today is going to be a busy day again, on a whole new set of activities. I will be calling to get my paperwork set up for buying a house. I have a contact who I have worked with before. It has been some time, but I think we can put a package together in very short order. I will then be making contact with the broker with whom I initiated contact not long ago. I lost contact due to the failure of my mini-computer. I will be getting my new phone! It is nice to have at least one instant gratification task, and this is one of two. As well, I think I will be able to pick up a model to begin tinkering with today. It will not be grand, overly complicated, or expensive, it is just a beginning.
I have a few other goals this week that are more generic and depend on other things happening. One of those projects is to get out shooting. It has been a while and my trigger finger is scratching for that itch! However, the weather will have to be right and the roads will have to be better. Next, when I finish some things I need the computer to accomplish, she is going in to the shop (maybe both computers). They are barebones machines, at this point, but I can use them to squeeze through my needs and wants until I can 'roll my own'. Next, slowly but surely, the house is getting cleaned. Along with that, I would like to begin eating a little more regularly. I tried to eat two regular meals last Sunday and simply could not do so. Losing weight is fine, but not in a starvation manner. Of course, my not eating had nothing to do with weight loss. I had simply fallen down and could not rise, even to eat. Back on the gravy train? Maybe. Besides, I do not think I lose weight when I do that. My system merely slows down and does not let go of anything. I lose zero pounds in those periods, except when I actually fast from a normal routine of eating.
Yes, things are looking up. I have a lot of things to do. Some of those are quite fear inducing. Some of them are fun. None of them are a problem, from the looks of things. I am not sure if life simply gets better or worse on it's own, or if key things, like the improved hope for a political change back to sanity, certain indicators making it a possibly even stronger home buyer's market, or other things contribute to the uptick. But, like any sanity surfer, I will ride the waves when I can. *swish* *grins*
.
And an early rise. The last 3 or 4 days have been good that way. The great thing is I get my fresh dose of morning blogs fresh and hot. I, generally, do not bother with "the news". Bloggers keep on top of what I am interested, good stories get carried over, I have learned who to trust how much and in what areas, and it does not cost a dime. Oh, and do not even think I agree with everything being put out. A lot of my sources are conservative in this area and nearly libertine in that area (not my cup of tea, to put it lightly). Reading and commenting in the middle of the night is a good way to not receive a pat on the head from the author, as yesterday's posts get buried in today's new stuff and the authors might not even have time to review old comments on old posts. So, morning is the time.
Today is going to be a busy day again, on a whole new set of activities. I will be calling to get my paperwork set up for buying a house. I have a contact who I have worked with before. It has been some time, but I think we can put a package together in very short order. I will then be making contact with the broker with whom I initiated contact not long ago. I lost contact due to the failure of my mini-computer. I will be getting my new phone! It is nice to have at least one instant gratification task, and this is one of two. As well, I think I will be able to pick up a model to begin tinkering with today. It will not be grand, overly complicated, or expensive, it is just a beginning.
I have a few other goals this week that are more generic and depend on other things happening. One of those projects is to get out shooting. It has been a while and my trigger finger is scratching for that itch! However, the weather will have to be right and the roads will have to be better. Next, when I finish some things I need the computer to accomplish, she is going in to the shop (maybe both computers). They are barebones machines, at this point, but I can use them to squeeze through my needs and wants until I can 'roll my own'. Next, slowly but surely, the house is getting cleaned. Along with that, I would like to begin eating a little more regularly. I tried to eat two regular meals last Sunday and simply could not do so. Losing weight is fine, but not in a starvation manner. Of course, my not eating had nothing to do with weight loss. I had simply fallen down and could not rise, even to eat. Back on the gravy train? Maybe. Besides, I do not think I lose weight when I do that. My system merely slows down and does not let go of anything. I lose zero pounds in those periods, except when I actually fast from a normal routine of eating.
Yes, things are looking up. I have a lot of things to do. Some of those are quite fear inducing. Some of them are fun. None of them are a problem, from the looks of things. I am not sure if life simply gets better or worse on it's own, or if key things, like the improved hope for a political change back to sanity, certain indicators making it a possibly even stronger home buyer's market, or other things contribute to the uptick. But, like any sanity surfer, I will ride the waves when I can. *swish* *grins*
Monday, January 25, 2010
So very complex.
.
.
I have actually had a slightly active, fairly useful, somewhat interesting day. Something I keep realizing is that the world we live in is seemingly impossibly complicated. It honestly amazes me that anything gets done, gets completed correctly, or is understood. If you take a moment to look at what is happening, not even on a grand scale but the little things within our personal lives, it can seem overwhelming. And yet, for most people and sometimes even me, it all works.
I thought I had tended my cellphone bill last time they called. Nope, though it ends up being a good thing. After talking on the phone with one of their collection agents, who in the end began to treat me quite kindly, I figured out the problem with the last call, paid the bill, got set up on a new calling package which will solve this problem, and set up automatic pay again. It looks like my bank initially was set to pay it but decided not to do so and canceled the thing because of how large the bill was (good for them, I say). So, now my Mom can talk to my brother as much as they have been while he is recovering from his last surgery and potentially heading into another surgery. And, I can do that without worry about going broke. On top of that, by switching plans Verizon was willing to release a nice little slice of the expense from my bill.
I also looked over some components for a computer. I came up with a system that would cost about what the higher tiers of the mid-level machines at the major companies would cost and yet would operate comparably to the middle of the upper tier machines runs, or faster, and at about half the cost. I would guess this would easily vie, in some areas, with even the high end machines. There are some problems, however. First, compatibility issues. I simply do not have the means currently at my disposal to ensure all the parts work together. A little more study might or might not secure that surety. A call to a few places might get that information, if I could be sure of the right source. Further, some of the system is a bit more complicated, or new to me, than what I have done in the past. I am looking at a raid 10 hard drive system, for example. I do not think that will be complicated to set up, but it will be new. Then again, this is almost pipedream stuff, for a few months at least. I could push it financially but that usually is not a good plan. With age comes wisdom... I hope. At least it gives me time to check things more thoroughly.
When discussing the new plan and some other things with my mother, she discussed my brother's difficulty in working with the V.A. He retired from the service with severe back problems. He kept on working, setting aside his health issues, as he did not get enough from retirement to not work and at that time he could not get concurrent disability and retirement incomes. Well, after his emergency back surgery, he is nearly crippled. And, he may have to go back in for another surgery. From bowel to bladder, foot to back, he simply is not functioning properly and may never again, operating at what the doctors say is 10% function. So, I suggested some things. First, getting in contact with the Disabled Veterans of America and the Paralyzed American Veterans (since he has spinal issues). She had me look up the closest reps and get her the contact information. Done and done, hopefully she has already passed that on.
I found out, personally if accidentally, that the V.A. will do as little as it can on it's own, even if it knows better, on these cases. I joined the D.A.V. simply because they had been kind while I was hospitalized. I merely patronized them, to my way of thinking. It ended up that, with my gift and their becoming aware of my situation, my case was resolved after a decade of being ignored. The D.A.V. really does make every effort to get the right things done for the right people. It is difficult, for some of us, to even admit that we are down. It is harder still to ask for help in order which might prove we are down. Men will be men, even when we are crushed and broken. Still, that is a good thing. It is nice to retain some dignity. I suppose we all, at times, must learn when, where, and how to surrender though. Bah!
All that and a few other things on the books. My new cellphone is in, which I get at no cost since it is being discontinued (a Blackberry flip-phone). I did not have time to pick it up today, but tomorrow I do not think I will have quite as much going on. I will not, if I have any choice, work with another Microdisaster item if I can. Blackberry is both more secure, easier to use, and actually fun. Or, that has been my experience to date. I am surprised the Blackberry smart flip-phone is leaving the market though. I am really looking forward to getting it.
Yes, complex. Life is very difficult, when viewed from the passenger seat. But in the driver seat all that is necessary, and much that is not, gets done in some sort of fashion and order that does not seem possible. One little bit at a time. Even I can do it sometimes while half asleep, hungry, and grumpy. That is it for today. A little bit back to my old writing style, a little me-ism, but perhaps an inspiring tale of the cripple who sometimes can get things done.
Have a good day.
.
I have actually had a slightly active, fairly useful, somewhat interesting day. Something I keep realizing is that the world we live in is seemingly impossibly complicated. It honestly amazes me that anything gets done, gets completed correctly, or is understood. If you take a moment to look at what is happening, not even on a grand scale but the little things within our personal lives, it can seem overwhelming. And yet, for most people and sometimes even me, it all works.
I thought I had tended my cellphone bill last time they called. Nope, though it ends up being a good thing. After talking on the phone with one of their collection agents, who in the end began to treat me quite kindly, I figured out the problem with the last call, paid the bill, got set up on a new calling package which will solve this problem, and set up automatic pay again. It looks like my bank initially was set to pay it but decided not to do so and canceled the thing because of how large the bill was (good for them, I say). So, now my Mom can talk to my brother as much as they have been while he is recovering from his last surgery and potentially heading into another surgery. And, I can do that without worry about going broke. On top of that, by switching plans Verizon was willing to release a nice little slice of the expense from my bill.
I also looked over some components for a computer. I came up with a system that would cost about what the higher tiers of the mid-level machines at the major companies would cost and yet would operate comparably to the middle of the upper tier machines runs, or faster, and at about half the cost. I would guess this would easily vie, in some areas, with even the high end machines. There are some problems, however. First, compatibility issues. I simply do not have the means currently at my disposal to ensure all the parts work together. A little more study might or might not secure that surety. A call to a few places might get that information, if I could be sure of the right source. Further, some of the system is a bit more complicated, or new to me, than what I have done in the past. I am looking at a raid 10 hard drive system, for example. I do not think that will be complicated to set up, but it will be new. Then again, this is almost pipedream stuff, for a few months at least. I could push it financially but that usually is not a good plan. With age comes wisdom... I hope. At least it gives me time to check things more thoroughly.
When discussing the new plan and some other things with my mother, she discussed my brother's difficulty in working with the V.A. He retired from the service with severe back problems. He kept on working, setting aside his health issues, as he did not get enough from retirement to not work and at that time he could not get concurrent disability and retirement incomes. Well, after his emergency back surgery, he is nearly crippled. And, he may have to go back in for another surgery. From bowel to bladder, foot to back, he simply is not functioning properly and may never again, operating at what the doctors say is 10% function. So, I suggested some things. First, getting in contact with the Disabled Veterans of America and the Paralyzed American Veterans (since he has spinal issues). She had me look up the closest reps and get her the contact information. Done and done, hopefully she has already passed that on.
I found out, personally if accidentally, that the V.A. will do as little as it can on it's own, even if it knows better, on these cases. I joined the D.A.V. simply because they had been kind while I was hospitalized. I merely patronized them, to my way of thinking. It ended up that, with my gift and their becoming aware of my situation, my case was resolved after a decade of being ignored. The D.A.V. really does make every effort to get the right things done for the right people. It is difficult, for some of us, to even admit that we are down. It is harder still to ask for help in order which might prove we are down. Men will be men, even when we are crushed and broken. Still, that is a good thing. It is nice to retain some dignity. I suppose we all, at times, must learn when, where, and how to surrender though. Bah!
All that and a few other things on the books. My new cellphone is in, which I get at no cost since it is being discontinued (a Blackberry flip-phone). I did not have time to pick it up today, but tomorrow I do not think I will have quite as much going on. I will not, if I have any choice, work with another Microdisaster item if I can. Blackberry is both more secure, easier to use, and actually fun. Or, that has been my experience to date. I am surprised the Blackberry smart flip-phone is leaving the market though. I am really looking forward to getting it.
Yes, complex. Life is very difficult, when viewed from the passenger seat. But in the driver seat all that is necessary, and much that is not, gets done in some sort of fashion and order that does not seem possible. One little bit at a time. Even I can do it sometimes while half asleep, hungry, and grumpy. That is it for today. A little bit back to my old writing style, a little me-ism, but perhaps an inspiring tale of the cripple who sometimes can get things done.
Have a good day.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Respectability.
.
.
There are things I would like to see come back into play after these decadent decades. Politicians who we can and should believe, civil obedience or at worst proper civil disobedience where civil is the key word, rational relationships between men and women, a proper place for men and women, and things like decency, mutual civility, proper education, and of course, respectability.
What does the term "respectable" mean? I am sure there might be any number of dictionary definitions. Perhaps one of them would describe the term perfectly. But that is not where I get my definitions. I get them from a living world in which I have seen the terms come to life and so have more than simply a wrote understanding. Respectable means living, dressing, and relating to people and the other parts of our world in such a manner so as to create a sense that the viewers would wish to emulate that grouping of behaviors.
To that end, on my medium term goal sheet I have a number of items which are not merely survival items. Two suits, a number of ties, shirts, undershirts, shoes, and associated accessories are on my list. Beyond that, I have worked diligently to keep certain words and behaviors within easy reach as I go about living. Among the ones that top my list, "Thank you.", "You are welcome.", "May I help you?", and the list goes on from there. These are not simple cast off terms either, they are meant deeply, they are sincere. Further, should I ask how you are, I am actually asking. I will spend the time to find out, good or ill. As well, if I choose to interact with you or be around you, since I really do have a choice, understand it is genuine.
This is what I would like to see happening everywhere. I did shortcut society changes by moving to where such situations are more likely to occur natively. Some places may never have this capacity, such as large cities and multicultural settings as people simply do not have common grounds from which to begin and the stresses introduced by both scenarios make everything that occurs merely appearance only politeness, at the very best if quite often much worse, at least from what I have seen.
As the world is changing politically, I have a feeling that normalcy, actual genuine interaction and kindness, and some semblances of sanity all have some chance at a reemergence. I will continue to plan for the worst. But with that, too, I would like to begin planning for the best as well. I think to be a fully functioning part of one it would only naturally lead to being a part of the other. No good sword, I should think, only cuts one way.
Yes, hope is on the horizon as hopeychangey gets ready to be flushed. I know it is a long shot, a long way off, and tenuous yet. But the sharp peels of freedom from the cracking political ice which has threatened us have been increasing in volume and frequency recently. Even in my own personal ice chamber, I can hear and see the changes and the possibilities they bring. Respectability really could be coming back.
.
There are things I would like to see come back into play after these decadent decades. Politicians who we can and should believe, civil obedience or at worst proper civil disobedience where civil is the key word, rational relationships between men and women, a proper place for men and women, and things like decency, mutual civility, proper education, and of course, respectability.
What does the term "respectable" mean? I am sure there might be any number of dictionary definitions. Perhaps one of them would describe the term perfectly. But that is not where I get my definitions. I get them from a living world in which I have seen the terms come to life and so have more than simply a wrote understanding. Respectable means living, dressing, and relating to people and the other parts of our world in such a manner so as to create a sense that the viewers would wish to emulate that grouping of behaviors.
To that end, on my medium term goal sheet I have a number of items which are not merely survival items. Two suits, a number of ties, shirts, undershirts, shoes, and associated accessories are on my list. Beyond that, I have worked diligently to keep certain words and behaviors within easy reach as I go about living. Among the ones that top my list, "Thank you.", "You are welcome.", "May I help you?", and the list goes on from there. These are not simple cast off terms either, they are meant deeply, they are sincere. Further, should I ask how you are, I am actually asking. I will spend the time to find out, good or ill. As well, if I choose to interact with you or be around you, since I really do have a choice, understand it is genuine.
This is what I would like to see happening everywhere. I did shortcut society changes by moving to where such situations are more likely to occur natively. Some places may never have this capacity, such as large cities and multicultural settings as people simply do not have common grounds from which to begin and the stresses introduced by both scenarios make everything that occurs merely appearance only politeness, at the very best if quite often much worse, at least from what I have seen.
As the world is changing politically, I have a feeling that normalcy, actual genuine interaction and kindness, and some semblances of sanity all have some chance at a reemergence. I will continue to plan for the worst. But with that, too, I would like to begin planning for the best as well. I think to be a fully functioning part of one it would only naturally lead to being a part of the other. No good sword, I should think, only cuts one way.
Yes, hope is on the horizon as hopeychangey gets ready to be flushed. I know it is a long shot, a long way off, and tenuous yet. But the sharp peels of freedom from the cracking political ice which has threatened us have been increasing in volume and frequency recently. Even in my own personal ice chamber, I can hear and see the changes and the possibilities they bring. Respectability really could be coming back.
Bam!
.
.
Another wall hit. As I try and get going again, I keep running into invisible walls and falling down. At least I am not stuck in bed. And, every few days I seem to be able to get out. But I am running into my prison walls a lot more often lately. No worries, I will keep fighting. I just had to share a little of my misery. Now, back to regularly scheduled programming.
So many good ideas out there and so much conservative juice flowing. I just love these last few weeks. I may not be able to add to it by being very active, but inactive and happy is good. I do not know if I have ever indicated that blue is a magic color for me. It soothes me, I even dream of electric blue. That dream tells me all is good or otherwise soothes my savage aspect. Fishy2Me has put something up that just floored me, and made me feel good just because. The rest of you seem to be energized, and I have been eating it up.
And, I did clean the master and guest bathrooms (minus the shower, but it is still in pretty good shape). I have designs to hit the kitchen next. And then I plan on sweeping and mopping where needed. This home is easy to clean and fun to clean, really. If I just had a little more juice, I would do it more often. Still, things are being done and I am doing when I can.
I am excited about politics again, and ready to read the news along with blogs, more. All we have is the power to stop a few things, at the moment. It is similar to the having been in the wilds of Africa with a really big gun and no ammunition. Well, we found 5 to 10 rounds for our elephant gun. We are still on foot, we are still few, we have small caliber guns for small game and can stay alive, but we have just one big gun and little ammo. Oh, and water is scarce and since we need to move to get out, it will continue to be a scarcity, something we will have to salvage, manufacture, find, and clean. I still dream of getting to an inn, with beds, windows, baths, food and water on tap, and a chance at an eventual trip back home to a sane world.
But damn it, if we get out of this, I will kick any asshat who votes for this wilderness madness right in the balls. I am thinking we best have a civil war, when we are in a position, to make sure this never happens again. And the first people we will kick out of our nation are any corruptocrats in the UN. We need to end the UN as we know it and build a coalition of the willing. Got to have long term goals when in a survival situation. The will, even if solid as a rock, only goes so far.
.
Another wall hit. As I try and get going again, I keep running into invisible walls and falling down. At least I am not stuck in bed. And, every few days I seem to be able to get out. But I am running into my prison walls a lot more often lately. No worries, I will keep fighting. I just had to share a little of my misery. Now, back to regularly scheduled programming.
So many good ideas out there and so much conservative juice flowing. I just love these last few weeks. I may not be able to add to it by being very active, but inactive and happy is good. I do not know if I have ever indicated that blue is a magic color for me. It soothes me, I even dream of electric blue. That dream tells me all is good or otherwise soothes my savage aspect. Fishy2Me has put something up that just floored me, and made me feel good just because. The rest of you seem to be energized, and I have been eating it up.
And, I did clean the master and guest bathrooms (minus the shower, but it is still in pretty good shape). I have designs to hit the kitchen next. And then I plan on sweeping and mopping where needed. This home is easy to clean and fun to clean, really. If I just had a little more juice, I would do it more often. Still, things are being done and I am doing when I can.
I am excited about politics again, and ready to read the news along with blogs, more. All we have is the power to stop a few things, at the moment. It is similar to the having been in the wilds of Africa with a really big gun and no ammunition. Well, we found 5 to 10 rounds for our elephant gun. We are still on foot, we are still few, we have small caliber guns for small game and can stay alive, but we have just one big gun and little ammo. Oh, and water is scarce and since we need to move to get out, it will continue to be a scarcity, something we will have to salvage, manufacture, find, and clean. I still dream of getting to an inn, with beds, windows, baths, food and water on tap, and a chance at an eventual trip back home to a sane world.
But damn it, if we get out of this, I will kick any asshat who votes for this wilderness madness right in the balls. I am thinking we best have a civil war, when we are in a position, to make sure this never happens again. And the first people we will kick out of our nation are any corruptocrats in the UN. We need to end the UN as we know it and build a coalition of the willing. Got to have long term goals when in a survival situation. The will, even if solid as a rock, only goes so far.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Funky dunky.
.
.
I have been looking around for the local Republican party outlet. I would like to get involved, and a bit earlier. I am registered as an independent, and will probably keep it that way until the party cleans out the radicals and RINOs, at least from leadership initially. The rest of the zombie cleanup will an ongoing project, with an understanding that some states may never get better than a RINO offering until or unless the whole nation comes back to sanity and finds a way off the public teat. That weaning would require a social revolution, which is a thing unto itself to a degree. Anyway, so I am beginning to search.
Next on my list is finding when and where the next, relatively close, Tea Party event will be held. I do not have a fortune I can use to travel wherever, whenever, and just hope I can somehow cover expenses. I have other interests, needs, requirements, and even wants that are more important as they lead to a surer long term survival situation. Something I think is becoming more and more important in our current fiscal and political climate. Just 41 is not enough. If we were talking about 61, and truly right conservatives, perhaps I could relax just a wee. But 41, come on. Still, I think with a little planning and perhaps joining forces with other locals, being a little more active in this Tea Party thing could not only be another part of my survival planning, but a positive means of doing the right thing, getting to know local people who might be a bit more trustworthy, and simply an activity where I might learn to play better with others. :p
Today's plans were shot down by exhaustion. I simply got cold, very unusual for me, and melted into exhausted sleep. Bah, I will get up, out, and going more, and soon. I am back on track, to a degree, through drinking soda. As well, I drink about 1 and 1/2 times more water than soda, to offset some of the potential damages. It is not perfect, but it is helping. I think I will be cleaning the house this night, or at least beginning to do a run through it. I will start one room at a time and see how far I get, then carry on from where I finished when I can. There is nothing like a kempt place to energize the body. Oh, and I might try to cook a bit more as well, eating out when I just know I will not be able to clean up afterward. I got the dishwasher working, and with a few tricks and a few exemptions, all is good with that.
Anyway, I hope you all are plotting, planning, working, saving up, and preparing. Even if THE day, whatever type of day that awful day may be, never does come, I cannot help but think that it is better to be prepared than to be caught flat-footed, alone, even with a fistful of dollars (which will very possibly be absolutely useless). Oh, my bean eating period actually went well. It never got too boring, with just a little bit of mixing and matching of spices, little bits of meat or rice, and other things. But it did start wearing on my internals. No, not gas, or loose bowels, it merely became a bit too filling every time and even in smaller amounts. The body likes variety and beans, the ones I tried and I would guess all of them, simply do not have enough variety for the gastro-intestinal system even if they do flavorwise. Yeah, something to think about, especially since my system is as hardy as they get.
.
I have been looking around for the local Republican party outlet. I would like to get involved, and a bit earlier. I am registered as an independent, and will probably keep it that way until the party cleans out the radicals and RINOs, at least from leadership initially. The rest of the zombie cleanup will an ongoing project, with an understanding that some states may never get better than a RINO offering until or unless the whole nation comes back to sanity and finds a way off the public teat. That weaning would require a social revolution, which is a thing unto itself to a degree. Anyway, so I am beginning to search.
Next on my list is finding when and where the next, relatively close, Tea Party event will be held. I do not have a fortune I can use to travel wherever, whenever, and just hope I can somehow cover expenses. I have other interests, needs, requirements, and even wants that are more important as they lead to a surer long term survival situation. Something I think is becoming more and more important in our current fiscal and political climate. Just 41 is not enough. If we were talking about 61, and truly right conservatives, perhaps I could relax just a wee. But 41, come on. Still, I think with a little planning and perhaps joining forces with other locals, being a little more active in this Tea Party thing could not only be another part of my survival planning, but a positive means of doing the right thing, getting to know local people who might be a bit more trustworthy, and simply an activity where I might learn to play better with others. :p
Today's plans were shot down by exhaustion. I simply got cold, very unusual for me, and melted into exhausted sleep. Bah, I will get up, out, and going more, and soon. I am back on track, to a degree, through drinking soda. As well, I drink about 1 and 1/2 times more water than soda, to offset some of the potential damages. It is not perfect, but it is helping. I think I will be cleaning the house this night, or at least beginning to do a run through it. I will start one room at a time and see how far I get, then carry on from where I finished when I can. There is nothing like a kempt place to energize the body. Oh, and I might try to cook a bit more as well, eating out when I just know I will not be able to clean up afterward. I got the dishwasher working, and with a few tricks and a few exemptions, all is good with that.
Anyway, I hope you all are plotting, planning, working, saving up, and preparing. Even if THE day, whatever type of day that awful day may be, never does come, I cannot help but think that it is better to be prepared than to be caught flat-footed, alone, even with a fistful of dollars (which will very possibly be absolutely useless). Oh, my bean eating period actually went well. It never got too boring, with just a little bit of mixing and matching of spices, little bits of meat or rice, and other things. But it did start wearing on my internals. No, not gas, or loose bowels, it merely became a bit too filling every time and even in smaller amounts. The body likes variety and beans, the ones I tried and I would guess all of them, simply do not have enough variety for the gastro-intestinal system even if they do flavorwise. Yeah, something to think about, especially since my system is as hardy as they get.
Friday, January 22, 2010
A very good day.
.
.
Rising early and moving slow are to be expected. And still I was able to tend to some new and old business. Going from here to there, partly in mind fog, I still ended up getting a number of tasks completed and to have a couple of meals I had to neither cook nor clean up after. My former neighbor went along, as well, and we took care of some things on his list. Then we went out to shoot. I got my Xterra stuck for the first time. Deep snow, roads that are not plowed, and negotiating oncoming traffic did me in. Still, we were unstuck in no time and back on our way, thanks to the kindness of several men and their equipment who were sharing the road. I was quite grateful, though I need to get some stuff back in the vehicle I had taken out when getting it cleaned and pick up some gear to help others or myself in the future. The air has cleared, so skiing is back on the menu, perhaps this weekend.
Politics is it's own thing. The thing in Mass has whetted my my appetite, but until the next thing comes along, there is little more to do or say. I am more comfortable watching the events and votes now, with some hope that the more retched propositions might be stopped, altered, slowed down, or discarded. Oh, sure, there are those things to sign, online or off, but I do not think those things have any weight whatsoever. Politicians seem to have put us on hold while they are busy sacking our nation. No, voting, sending money to a smaller degree, and holding true to my principles is about all I can do, and none of that is something to blog about, equating to blogging about growing grass or falling snow. So, politics is going back to the back burner if it will be a little more closely watched.
Ah, my Mother and myself are going to have a little talk. It seems my brother has been calling her daily since his back surgery, or at least since he moved. Without work to occupy his time, and his girls being off to school and his wife being off to work, free time is something he is adjusting too. Fine, but he has cost me about $300 to $500 in overage charges on my cellphone bill, so far. That is not going to work at all. My Mom now has a landline phone as well, after having dropped her old plan due to excessive expense, and I am going to have to insist that she keep those calls to that line. Generally, all of us on my shared line have done very well at keeping to the minutes allowed. I guess I cannot grumble too much. But I can ill afford that kind of expense at this time. The reason I had not noticed is that, in the moves, my mail has sort of gotten lost and though the bill was on auto-pay, I think when they more than doubled the bill, my bank refused the extra costs (good on them!). So the phone company had to call me, which they really should have done after two months (at least) of that.
Tomorrow I am hoping to get out shooting. I hope it was as warm as today, which was in the mid 40's, even while it was snowing. Oh, and probably another meal I will not have to cook or clean up after, just for good measure. Of course, up the canyon and a good deal higher in elevation, it will be colder no matter. A winter drive in the mountains would not be a bad thing even if that is all that happens. Plus, I will be able to look over another cross-country ski area. It is nice to be getting my feet back on the ground and out of the house again. I am hoping my calculus review material arrives soon too. Then I will have both in and out of house activities of a more pragmatic nature to go along with the puzzle and model and skiing I will be working on for my more youthful, spirit quickening, endeavors. Yeah, life is looking good.
.
Rising early and moving slow are to be expected. And still I was able to tend to some new and old business. Going from here to there, partly in mind fog, I still ended up getting a number of tasks completed and to have a couple of meals I had to neither cook nor clean up after. My former neighbor went along, as well, and we took care of some things on his list. Then we went out to shoot. I got my Xterra stuck for the first time. Deep snow, roads that are not plowed, and negotiating oncoming traffic did me in. Still, we were unstuck in no time and back on our way, thanks to the kindness of several men and their equipment who were sharing the road. I was quite grateful, though I need to get some stuff back in the vehicle I had taken out when getting it cleaned and pick up some gear to help others or myself in the future. The air has cleared, so skiing is back on the menu, perhaps this weekend.
Politics is it's own thing. The thing in Mass has whetted my my appetite, but until the next thing comes along, there is little more to do or say. I am more comfortable watching the events and votes now, with some hope that the more retched propositions might be stopped, altered, slowed down, or discarded. Oh, sure, there are those things to sign, online or off, but I do not think those things have any weight whatsoever. Politicians seem to have put us on hold while they are busy sacking our nation. No, voting, sending money to a smaller degree, and holding true to my principles is about all I can do, and none of that is something to blog about, equating to blogging about growing grass or falling snow. So, politics is going back to the back burner if it will be a little more closely watched.
Ah, my Mother and myself are going to have a little talk. It seems my brother has been calling her daily since his back surgery, or at least since he moved. Without work to occupy his time, and his girls being off to school and his wife being off to work, free time is something he is adjusting too. Fine, but he has cost me about $300 to $500 in overage charges on my cellphone bill, so far. That is not going to work at all. My Mom now has a landline phone as well, after having dropped her old plan due to excessive expense, and I am going to have to insist that she keep those calls to that line. Generally, all of us on my shared line have done very well at keeping to the minutes allowed. I guess I cannot grumble too much. But I can ill afford that kind of expense at this time. The reason I had not noticed is that, in the moves, my mail has sort of gotten lost and though the bill was on auto-pay, I think when they more than doubled the bill, my bank refused the extra costs (good on them!). So the phone company had to call me, which they really should have done after two months (at least) of that.
Tomorrow I am hoping to get out shooting. I hope it was as warm as today, which was in the mid 40's, even while it was snowing. Oh, and probably another meal I will not have to cook or clean up after, just for good measure. Of course, up the canyon and a good deal higher in elevation, it will be colder no matter. A winter drive in the mountains would not be a bad thing even if that is all that happens. Plus, I will be able to look over another cross-country ski area. It is nice to be getting my feet back on the ground and out of the house again. I am hoping my calculus review material arrives soon too. Then I will have both in and out of house activities of a more pragmatic nature to go along with the puzzle and model and skiing I will be working on for my more youthful, spirit quickening, endeavors. Yeah, life is looking good.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
To be a child again.
.
.
Remember when the world was very close to being just you, and then just you, family, and close friends? Do you remember a time when stars were new, to you, and the world was infinite and growing bigger every day? Do you remember when life was safe because your parents were near? A blanket and a small space near or on your parents seemed like heaven. The most dangerous thing you knew was your siblings (wrongly, or uhrm, rightly). Toys were a delight, neighbor kids would arrive or vice versa, and everyone would go out and find out if someone really could lose an eye doing what had been proscribed by the big people? That time seems so far away. Politics, our jobs or conditions, terrorism, and for some of us, the single life, have become so big that we see little else.
After reading a post tonight, I am reminded of that long away time and land and those people. And perhaps more, the feelings and peace that was often known back then. I would like to bring some of that back. I think I can. It will not be created by becoming childish, I think. I do believe it can happen by becoming the parent to my own childish natures. A guided path to a safer place to be let out safely. Then again, and too, perhaps all childish should not be abandoned. A few games could be gathered, to be played with friends of a like mind or even alone. Perhaps models, glue, and paint could be purchased. Maybe a, if bigger version, bb or pellet gun could be obtained (and even used in house if I use a little of that self parenting function). But more, perhaps I can find a blanket and make a floor based chair set tent and find my own little warm fun "fort" once in a while. Perhaps I can let go of the more serious and just enjoy friends and alone time again. Yes, I think I can bring back the feelings and security, in discreet packages, once in a while.
Hey, wanna go play hide and seek? :p
.
Remember when the world was very close to being just you, and then just you, family, and close friends? Do you remember a time when stars were new, to you, and the world was infinite and growing bigger every day? Do you remember when life was safe because your parents were near? A blanket and a small space near or on your parents seemed like heaven. The most dangerous thing you knew was your siblings (wrongly, or uhrm, rightly). Toys were a delight, neighbor kids would arrive or vice versa, and everyone would go out and find out if someone really could lose an eye doing what had been proscribed by the big people? That time seems so far away. Politics, our jobs or conditions, terrorism, and for some of us, the single life, have become so big that we see little else.
After reading a post tonight, I am reminded of that long away time and land and those people. And perhaps more, the feelings and peace that was often known back then. I would like to bring some of that back. I think I can. It will not be created by becoming childish, I think. I do believe it can happen by becoming the parent to my own childish natures. A guided path to a safer place to be let out safely. Then again, and too, perhaps all childish should not be abandoned. A few games could be gathered, to be played with friends of a like mind or even alone. Perhaps models, glue, and paint could be purchased. Maybe a, if bigger version, bb or pellet gun could be obtained (and even used in house if I use a little of that self parenting function). But more, perhaps I can find a blanket and make a floor based chair set tent and find my own little warm fun "fort" once in a while. Perhaps I can let go of the more serious and just enjoy friends and alone time again. Yes, I think I can bring back the feelings and security, in discreet packages, once in a while.
Hey, wanna go play hide and seek? :p
Changes...
.
.
This blog has generally been about me. I am toying with turning it into a different place. By the nature of my ills, I am often all I can really know anything about. My world collapses into a pile of me and I can see little further. I simply cannot seem to function well enough, or more, stay awake and aware long enough so that what is out there (and important) finds a way into my psyche. However, I am going to make it a point to try.
I am curious about a little feedback on my more recent posts. Are they too long? Are they not well written or thought out? Are they interesting, bold, and entertaining or are they long-winded second-hand seeming pieces? No, no, these questions are not meant to serve my ego. They are asked in order that I might more pleasantly serve my readers. I will admit, I will not attempt to be perfectly original. How is that even possible without being a complete idiot? I will attempt to gather information and opinion and sift out areas where I think a little more attention is needed, definitions are in order, or simply areas that trouble the calculating aspect of my brain.
Let me know. I am awfully curious.
.
This blog has generally been about me. I am toying with turning it into a different place. By the nature of my ills, I am often all I can really know anything about. My world collapses into a pile of me and I can see little further. I simply cannot seem to function well enough, or more, stay awake and aware long enough so that what is out there (and important) finds a way into my psyche. However, I am going to make it a point to try.
I am curious about a little feedback on my more recent posts. Are they too long? Are they not well written or thought out? Are they interesting, bold, and entertaining or are they long-winded second-hand seeming pieces? No, no, these questions are not meant to serve my ego. They are asked in order that I might more pleasantly serve my readers. I will admit, I will not attempt to be perfectly original. How is that even possible without being a complete idiot? I will attempt to gather information and opinion and sift out areas where I think a little more attention is needed, definitions are in order, or simply areas that trouble the calculating aspect of my brain.
Let me know. I am awfully curious.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The more I think about it...
.
.
As I consider what happened in Massachusetts, I become happier about the situation. I still think there was a Democratic punt, even if it was a shadowy part of that party, one that is more interested in the party than in idealism. I do not think Obama is a part of that shadow works. But that is not the main of my pleasure. I do not care, frankly, about that party other than that it offers, usually, a point of contention. No, I am more interested in an idea that springs from Brown's win.
He, obviously, is not a Democrat. He is not really a Republican either. He definitely is not a conservative, not even a libertarian. He is a soft Democrat in Republican clothing. What he bodes is what is good. What he is a representative of is business as not usual. He is a candidate without a party and shows Americans that they can choose a man and not a party. If he can keep from having lockstep voting with a single party, he has a chance to show other politicians the way. It will lead to chaos for a bit, but the opportunity is there to have real men in office again, and not party bots.
Both parties have betrayed us, those who elected them, at every turn for the last quarter of a century. Democrats say they are for this and prove they are not, either being big business friends if too big government types. They say they are for the little men, whom they swiftly toss under the bus for this, that, and the other thing, without so much as a "Thanks for your vote, chump". Republicans have become little big government types. We know they are supposed to be pro-business, which is fine. However, they have become more purist in the pro-big-business model only, tossing small business to the wolves. Further, their promises of smaller government, assurances of our freedoms, and tax cuts have been marginal to outright lies. And, I am not getting into third parties, they are not trusted, proven, or worthy of either of those things as seen through officials like Jesse Ventura. They have issues to carry them through one cycle, then they become soft Democrats as well.
What has to happen is politicians have to come forward who are willing to do so on real issues, make promises they will keep, and who are able to do so without the support of either party so as to be not obliged to either party. They have to, summed up, be willing to do the right things. I wonder if that is even possible, with the reign of populism, special interest pressures (both federal and local), and all the corruption that swirls in D.C. To me, that IS what Brown might represent. He represents, in the end and to me, the tail wagging the dog. Yes, I think that is it and I like it.
Let the Tea Party continue. Once again, Cheers!
.
As I consider what happened in Massachusetts, I become happier about the situation. I still think there was a Democratic punt, even if it was a shadowy part of that party, one that is more interested in the party than in idealism. I do not think Obama is a part of that shadow works. But that is not the main of my pleasure. I do not care, frankly, about that party other than that it offers, usually, a point of contention. No, I am more interested in an idea that springs from Brown's win.
He, obviously, is not a Democrat. He is not really a Republican either. He definitely is not a conservative, not even a libertarian. He is a soft Democrat in Republican clothing. What he bodes is what is good. What he is a representative of is business as not usual. He is a candidate without a party and shows Americans that they can choose a man and not a party. If he can keep from having lockstep voting with a single party, he has a chance to show other politicians the way. It will lead to chaos for a bit, but the opportunity is there to have real men in office again, and not party bots.
Both parties have betrayed us, those who elected them, at every turn for the last quarter of a century. Democrats say they are for this and prove they are not, either being big business friends if too big government types. They say they are for the little men, whom they swiftly toss under the bus for this, that, and the other thing, without so much as a "Thanks for your vote, chump". Republicans have become little big government types. We know they are supposed to be pro-business, which is fine. However, they have become more purist in the pro-big-business model only, tossing small business to the wolves. Further, their promises of smaller government, assurances of our freedoms, and tax cuts have been marginal to outright lies. And, I am not getting into third parties, they are not trusted, proven, or worthy of either of those things as seen through officials like Jesse Ventura. They have issues to carry them through one cycle, then they become soft Democrats as well.
What has to happen is politicians have to come forward who are willing to do so on real issues, make promises they will keep, and who are able to do so without the support of either party so as to be not obliged to either party. They have to, summed up, be willing to do the right things. I wonder if that is even possible, with the reign of populism, special interest pressures (both federal and local), and all the corruption that swirls in D.C. To me, that IS what Brown might represent. He represents, in the end and to me, the tail wagging the dog. Yes, I think that is it and I like it.
Let the Tea Party continue. Once again, Cheers!
A win for America.
.
.
So, Brown won. In Massachusetts. Against every odd on the books. Someone has awaken and they are not happy. It was our turn with Bush, and more the sadbags McCain. It was their turn with Obama and a super-majority senate and strong majority congress. No one is happy and they are letting politicians know. Then again, it was not like their candidate even tried. She did everything she could to torpedo her election bid. Perhaps she honestly believes in the revisionism her party stands for (against if you follow their reverse logic?). Perhaps she really thought she could insult intelligence, expose her (and the party's) bigotry, show ignorance and arrogance, and still be elected. Maybe that type of behavior proves that "liberalism" is alive and well, and deeply rooted in the constituents? Whatever the case, it was an epic fail or a very well played political suicide.
I worry about the fragility of Brown, to be honest. But as I have said, his weaknesses at their worst almost have to surpass the best strengths of his opponent, as she so well exposed. We do not have golden candidates to choose from, yet. Conservativism has been, largely, replaced by a weak progressive stance. It will take loss after loss, change after change, and an increment at a time to become a wholesome political, social, and economic nation again. It will take sacrifices. Men will have to marry the women they impregnate and women will have to get pregnant. Taxes will have to favor the family and set-asides for "bored" divorce candidates will have to be cut. People will have to work for a living, knowing that no work means no food or medical care. The sacrifices are not easy and they are not kind in the short term. How much this man is on board with any of this, I can only guess. As a lawyer, I have great doubts. Surface stuff, sure, but deep down?
If we get to those sacrifices, if we ensure that no one gets what they do not earn, the balance of power will shift. While that is not a bad thing, it is more of a pendulum phenomena than a simple change. At it's peak, we will have to be just as vigilant then as now but in a different way. Of course, that is assuming the pendulum can be more than just slowed. With the number of RINOs and the fragile condition of many of the men we have as representatives, that is a questionable proposition. Still, it is looking more possible than ever before. Yes, one win, a win in the right place and at the right time, can make all the difference in the world.
Yet, and again, I have troubles regarding the way it came about. I have great difficulty with the way she ran her campaign, the things she said, the weirdness of Obama's endorsement, the papers coming out against her, and union members showing up to support her opponent. No, nothing about this is correct. I have watched rigged boxing matches and this was one. Too many falls from light, or even no, punches. At least I am pretty sure Brown was not in on it, he was too cloistered and ready for a legal fight. Heck, he was suing before the first bell.
I am a bit nervous about all of it. Perhaps the Democrats realized they were in such a fix with medical reform, they created enemies in pharma, law, banking, and just about every business in America, and then made enemies with the people on both sides of the aisle. Perhaps they realized their party would be dead if they did not figure a way out. They should, even now, be able to push that legislation through one way or another, the health care bill (sic), but they are not going to get it done. They have messed up a lot of legal code, things not yet visible. They have done a great deal of damage. But I think that work has been slowed down while they were busy cheating the taxpayers for their friends. No, I know, Republicans do similar things. Pay backs slow down the whole process of actually legislating. Then again, with departments now eligible to write their own bills without oversight quite often, what else is congress to do but steal money?
*grumbles*
Still, better Brown than not. He does offer some small hope in digging out of this horrific mess to which politicians have lead us. I sort of feel, politically, as if I were standing in the crater of one of the World Center buildings with a pick and shovel. There are others here, but most are off doing weird things. I wonder how much more can fail or be destroyed before it is better for people to just pack it in. Brown is like a functional military show of force that lets me think that with one battle down and certain things potentially secured it might be worth to keep toiling under the hope that life as we knew it may actually one day resume.
I guess cheers are in order. So, Cheers! Good luck. Remember who elected you and why. Now go get them.
.
So, Brown won. In Massachusetts. Against every odd on the books. Someone has awaken and they are not happy. It was our turn with Bush, and more the sadbags McCain. It was their turn with Obama and a super-majority senate and strong majority congress. No one is happy and they are letting politicians know. Then again, it was not like their candidate even tried. She did everything she could to torpedo her election bid. Perhaps she honestly believes in the revisionism her party stands for (against if you follow their reverse logic?). Perhaps she really thought she could insult intelligence, expose her (and the party's) bigotry, show ignorance and arrogance, and still be elected. Maybe that type of behavior proves that "liberalism" is alive and well, and deeply rooted in the constituents? Whatever the case, it was an epic fail or a very well played political suicide.
I worry about the fragility of Brown, to be honest. But as I have said, his weaknesses at their worst almost have to surpass the best strengths of his opponent, as she so well exposed. We do not have golden candidates to choose from, yet. Conservativism has been, largely, replaced by a weak progressive stance. It will take loss after loss, change after change, and an increment at a time to become a wholesome political, social, and economic nation again. It will take sacrifices. Men will have to marry the women they impregnate and women will have to get pregnant. Taxes will have to favor the family and set-asides for "bored" divorce candidates will have to be cut. People will have to work for a living, knowing that no work means no food or medical care. The sacrifices are not easy and they are not kind in the short term. How much this man is on board with any of this, I can only guess. As a lawyer, I have great doubts. Surface stuff, sure, but deep down?
If we get to those sacrifices, if we ensure that no one gets what they do not earn, the balance of power will shift. While that is not a bad thing, it is more of a pendulum phenomena than a simple change. At it's peak, we will have to be just as vigilant then as now but in a different way. Of course, that is assuming the pendulum can be more than just slowed. With the number of RINOs and the fragile condition of many of the men we have as representatives, that is a questionable proposition. Still, it is looking more possible than ever before. Yes, one win, a win in the right place and at the right time, can make all the difference in the world.
Yet, and again, I have troubles regarding the way it came about. I have great difficulty with the way she ran her campaign, the things she said, the weirdness of Obama's endorsement, the papers coming out against her, and union members showing up to support her opponent. No, nothing about this is correct. I have watched rigged boxing matches and this was one. Too many falls from light, or even no, punches. At least I am pretty sure Brown was not in on it, he was too cloistered and ready for a legal fight. Heck, he was suing before the first bell.
I am a bit nervous about all of it. Perhaps the Democrats realized they were in such a fix with medical reform, they created enemies in pharma, law, banking, and just about every business in America, and then made enemies with the people on both sides of the aisle. Perhaps they realized their party would be dead if they did not figure a way out. They should, even now, be able to push that legislation through one way or another, the health care bill (sic), but they are not going to get it done. They have messed up a lot of legal code, things not yet visible. They have done a great deal of damage. But I think that work has been slowed down while they were busy cheating the taxpayers for their friends. No, I know, Republicans do similar things. Pay backs slow down the whole process of actually legislating. Then again, with departments now eligible to write their own bills without oversight quite often, what else is congress to do but steal money?
*grumbles*
Still, better Brown than not. He does offer some small hope in digging out of this horrific mess to which politicians have lead us. I sort of feel, politically, as if I were standing in the crater of one of the World Center buildings with a pick and shovel. There are others here, but most are off doing weird things. I wonder how much more can fail or be destroyed before it is better for people to just pack it in. Brown is like a functional military show of force that lets me think that with one battle down and certain things potentially secured it might be worth to keep toiling under the hope that life as we knew it may actually one day resume.
I guess cheers are in order. So, Cheers! Good luck. Remember who elected you and why. Now go get them.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The fragility of man.
.
.
I keep thinking about politics. What is politics, actually? My answer is politics is the collective resignation of individuals to the fact that no single man or small group of men can actually accomplish what is needed to be done, and thus they create a system to manage the seemingly unmanageable. Or, at least, that would be politics at it's best.
What has happened so that politics has gone so wrong? I think there are many answers. I doubt if I could list them all along with explanations which would define the errors in a set of books. Two key issues, however, I will discuss here. I think one of the first or primary mistakes in American politics was offering the vote to people who do not or did not contribute to the successes America has known. That includes those who do not pay taxes and those who cannot survive on their own well. Yes, the poor (generally minorities, but my basis is monetary) and women (women are not minorities). I would like to add populism, but that has always been an aspect of politics, however I might add destructive populism. Destructive populism sets people apart and has them fighting each other for what neither (or any) group should be getting in the first place, handouts. Handouts to companies, to classes of people like the poor, or tax relief for people like the happily departed Kennedy. The list goes on, but let me cover those two segments for now.
Giving the vote to people who do not contribute to wealth creation, the tax pool, or other aspects of a social order has done a number of things. For the poor, it has created a notion that they somehow deserve other people's money being used to placate the difficulties which arise from their poor management of what they do have, problems arising from their vices such as alcoholism or drug addictions, or their simple irresponsibility. This entitlement notion increases the roles of the poor and develops into a systematic theft of wealth from those who do work or otherwise create wealth. It is a downward spiral. For women, the vote has allowed them enough political power so that their emotions can rule rational use of the resources available. It can be seen in spending millions of dollars on schools that should cost thousands, higher pay for teachers with lower quality results in education, a general ease of tearing families apart as they know they will not starve since they can now simply marry Uncle Sam, and the creation of a false system of egalitarianism in which they actually now believe they are equal (on top of the double standards in everything from hiring to college admission to criminal and civil punishments to divorce "courts", which favors them). The dissolution of the family has fed both an increase in entitlement spending and less restrictions on the government, as it has less resistance from a strong family oriented society.
Destructive populism is a part of those aspects and yet can be separated easily into a flawed branch of it's own. Today we have Al Sharpton, the whole predominantly white Democratic Party (minus half the token-in-chief), and seemingly every middle level pro-government government propagandist called college professors, pushing for what they should know is wrong and have shame. These are not ignorant people. They know better. Harry Reid's comments indicate he does know better. And yet, they continue to try to focus group against group in order to maintain power and advance the separations which allow them further power. To what end many of us gather, others seem to not see. This is not the first time such hucksters have been in power and it will not be the last.
Unfortunately, many so called conservatives are right in there with this lot. They generally went to the same schools, read the same books, and believe in a one world order in which everyone will be happy and controlled. Some conservatives are simply RINO's, some are weak and will follow rather hold to their principles (or at least the principles for which they were elected), and others seem to fall to the forces of evil through past misdeeds and the blackmail that comes from those events.
Fragile, yes. No one man can do everything. Nor can any man stand completely alone. Yet each man should be able to stand by something other than political winds. Standing alone, in the howling wind, with the media to blind and the evil ready to pounce, is not an easy task. It is difficult to be conscientiously conservative today and not just on the state or federal level. Imagine being a conservative candidate (a real one) in a city like L.A., Chicago, or almost any college town. If they cannot beat you on ideas, they will dig through your garbage until they find a bone. And if they cannot beat you even with that, they will simply fix the election. I am surprised, actually, that candidate Brown has not been killed. Their last line of defense is real threats, either implied, carried out in small ways, or actually implemented. I would guess these types of things are done not just targeting the candidate but also targeting friends and family, perhaps even pets if what is told about the Clintons is true.
The evil we face is huge. The willingness of that evil to do anything it takes, win, lose, or draw, whether exposed or not, over and over again, is something dangerous to the average fragile human. They network, scheme, have contractors and distractors, and people who do big and little dirty work on their rolodexes. We need to not only find common themes, we need to begin protecting our own. We need to begin uncovering these cabals, exposing, deposing, or taking them down. We will never win until we begin to fight back, and hard. That takes organization. Organization that is quite dangerous in these times and becoming more dangerous by the clock stroke.
I really think that if Brown wins and is not killed or blackmailed into conformity, it is merely because Democrats need the health bill killed because they cannot vote against it at this time. But if they vote for it and it passes, they will kill their party. I am almost thinking, however, it is too late for that to even help. I think they have damaged their party name in too many ways to salvage it for some long period to come. That does not mean the evil has passed, only that it will be more subdued from now on. Why do I get the feeling man has begun his slow walk down the plank? If things work out though, the walk will slow a good deal. As I said, the Republican party is not clean. It has become nearly as progressive as the leftist party.
No, it is not all in order, nor does what I wrote make complete sense or at least it is not proven. I started out on a theme and got lost in it. Bah! I hope you find something there anyway.
.
I keep thinking about politics. What is politics, actually? My answer is politics is the collective resignation of individuals to the fact that no single man or small group of men can actually accomplish what is needed to be done, and thus they create a system to manage the seemingly unmanageable. Or, at least, that would be politics at it's best.
What has happened so that politics has gone so wrong? I think there are many answers. I doubt if I could list them all along with explanations which would define the errors in a set of books. Two key issues, however, I will discuss here. I think one of the first or primary mistakes in American politics was offering the vote to people who do not or did not contribute to the successes America has known. That includes those who do not pay taxes and those who cannot survive on their own well. Yes, the poor (generally minorities, but my basis is monetary) and women (women are not minorities). I would like to add populism, but that has always been an aspect of politics, however I might add destructive populism. Destructive populism sets people apart and has them fighting each other for what neither (or any) group should be getting in the first place, handouts. Handouts to companies, to classes of people like the poor, or tax relief for people like the happily departed Kennedy. The list goes on, but let me cover those two segments for now.
Giving the vote to people who do not contribute to wealth creation, the tax pool, or other aspects of a social order has done a number of things. For the poor, it has created a notion that they somehow deserve other people's money being used to placate the difficulties which arise from their poor management of what they do have, problems arising from their vices such as alcoholism or drug addictions, or their simple irresponsibility. This entitlement notion increases the roles of the poor and develops into a systematic theft of wealth from those who do work or otherwise create wealth. It is a downward spiral. For women, the vote has allowed them enough political power so that their emotions can rule rational use of the resources available. It can be seen in spending millions of dollars on schools that should cost thousands, higher pay for teachers with lower quality results in education, a general ease of tearing families apart as they know they will not starve since they can now simply marry Uncle Sam, and the creation of a false system of egalitarianism in which they actually now believe they are equal (on top of the double standards in everything from hiring to college admission to criminal and civil punishments to divorce "courts", which favors them). The dissolution of the family has fed both an increase in entitlement spending and less restrictions on the government, as it has less resistance from a strong family oriented society.
Destructive populism is a part of those aspects and yet can be separated easily into a flawed branch of it's own. Today we have Al Sharpton, the whole predominantly white Democratic Party (minus half the token-in-chief), and seemingly every middle level pro-government government propagandist called college professors, pushing for what they should know is wrong and have shame. These are not ignorant people. They know better. Harry Reid's comments indicate he does know better. And yet, they continue to try to focus group against group in order to maintain power and advance the separations which allow them further power. To what end many of us gather, others seem to not see. This is not the first time such hucksters have been in power and it will not be the last.
Unfortunately, many so called conservatives are right in there with this lot. They generally went to the same schools, read the same books, and believe in a one world order in which everyone will be happy and controlled. Some conservatives are simply RINO's, some are weak and will follow rather hold to their principles (or at least the principles for which they were elected), and others seem to fall to the forces of evil through past misdeeds and the blackmail that comes from those events.
Fragile, yes. No one man can do everything. Nor can any man stand completely alone. Yet each man should be able to stand by something other than political winds. Standing alone, in the howling wind, with the media to blind and the evil ready to pounce, is not an easy task. It is difficult to be conscientiously conservative today and not just on the state or federal level. Imagine being a conservative candidate (a real one) in a city like L.A., Chicago, or almost any college town. If they cannot beat you on ideas, they will dig through your garbage until they find a bone. And if they cannot beat you even with that, they will simply fix the election. I am surprised, actually, that candidate Brown has not been killed. Their last line of defense is real threats, either implied, carried out in small ways, or actually implemented. I would guess these types of things are done not just targeting the candidate but also targeting friends and family, perhaps even pets if what is told about the Clintons is true.
The evil we face is huge. The willingness of that evil to do anything it takes, win, lose, or draw, whether exposed or not, over and over again, is something dangerous to the average fragile human. They network, scheme, have contractors and distractors, and people who do big and little dirty work on their rolodexes. We need to not only find common themes, we need to begin protecting our own. We need to begin uncovering these cabals, exposing, deposing, or taking them down. We will never win until we begin to fight back, and hard. That takes organization. Organization that is quite dangerous in these times and becoming more dangerous by the clock stroke.
I really think that if Brown wins and is not killed or blackmailed into conformity, it is merely because Democrats need the health bill killed because they cannot vote against it at this time. But if they vote for it and it passes, they will kill their party. I am almost thinking, however, it is too late for that to even help. I think they have damaged their party name in too many ways to salvage it for some long period to come. That does not mean the evil has passed, only that it will be more subdued from now on. Why do I get the feeling man has begun his slow walk down the plank? If things work out though, the walk will slow a good deal. As I said, the Republican party is not clean. It has become nearly as progressive as the leftist party.
No, it is not all in order, nor does what I wrote make complete sense or at least it is not proven. I started out on a theme and got lost in it. Bah! I hope you find something there anyway.
Back to it.
.
.
I purchased soda last night and will attempt to use it, like any drug, minimally. And, I drink water along side it. I am hoping the water will help flush the stuff I really do not need or want from my system. And, yes, it is helping. I am coasting into it, starting with a really out-of-kilter schedule. I have been sleeping from 4 to 12 hours at a time and staying up for similar periods. So day and night are rotational, at this time, about a third of the time it has been mornings, afternoons, or nights awake. I call that the roller-coaster effect.
My first goal is to make days regular again. In the summer, here, I was able to do that though mostly because the heat in the day was almost unmanageable. The heat, mostly, kept me awake during the days (and mornings a bit). The winter offers little that way. I did try to use the furnace as an artificial day heat thing. It did not work as planned. I re-ordered the heat several different ways and nothing worked. So, the soda is the next step.
Well, we will see how this works. I am using the tools at my disposal. I am sure I could find other "tools". As I have said though, I will not sidestep the law and beyond, I fear doing something without medical support. At least for the stronger stuff. This may (will) shorten my life, but who would really want 10, 20, or more extra years of sleeping, unable to do even enjoyable things?
.
I purchased soda last night and will attempt to use it, like any drug, minimally. And, I drink water along side it. I am hoping the water will help flush the stuff I really do not need or want from my system. And, yes, it is helping. I am coasting into it, starting with a really out-of-kilter schedule. I have been sleeping from 4 to 12 hours at a time and staying up for similar periods. So day and night are rotational, at this time, about a third of the time it has been mornings, afternoons, or nights awake. I call that the roller-coaster effect.
My first goal is to make days regular again. In the summer, here, I was able to do that though mostly because the heat in the day was almost unmanageable. The heat, mostly, kept me awake during the days (and mornings a bit). The winter offers little that way. I did try to use the furnace as an artificial day heat thing. It did not work as planned. I re-ordered the heat several different ways and nothing worked. So, the soda is the next step.
Well, we will see how this works. I am using the tools at my disposal. I am sure I could find other "tools". As I have said though, I will not sidestep the law and beyond, I fear doing something without medical support. At least for the stronger stuff. This may (will) shorten my life, but who would really want 10, 20, or more extra years of sleeping, unable to do even enjoyable things?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My last querry did not fair well.
.
.
How does that saying go, if at first you fail, try standing on your head and making funny faces until someone gives you a push in the right direction. Well, that is how it often really ends up, you are welcome to be a part of my personal addendum to wisdom. So, since I failed, here goes the funny face.
Seriously though, my question about diabetes does not seem to have brought in as much consideration as I had hoped. I do appreciate Anonymous. This person is trying to warn me, and really, did a good job. My difficulty is I understand the warning though have no means I am aware of to alter the outcome. I might as well be the only one left on a jet headed into the mountain. I can only just keep consciousness long enough to realize I am in trouble. Yeah, okay, I will crash. And what does that mean to a man who cannot even get out of bed without the fuel that is driving the plane? Yeah, I mixed it up there. You are clever, you can follow right? Bitter, frustrated, nervous, sure. Please do not mind my bark.
I am curious how long diabetics usually go at such levels of illness before they begin to crash? I would think six years would be more than enough. Should I not already have had a sugar coma? I know there is exhaustion, but the exhaustion is alleviated by the sugars. That is not supposed to happen, is it? Something simply does not make sense here. Either it is not diabetes or they do not understand diabetes. Are Indians subject to different rules regarding diabetes? Are breeds subject to different rules? Why are my eyes improving, down to the capillaries. Why is my peripheral vision improving. Why are my really messed up eyes (vision wise) oddly improvable with glasses and contacts to 20/15? None of this makes any sense whatsoever.
I guess if someone was going to try and answer one question, it would be this. How long do diabetics living at a count of 300 to 700 (or more) have before they systemically fail, or even begin to show failure? I have looked. None of the online (or offline) doctors seem to have that answer or offer it, even in a general way. Well, other than showing wonder every time I walk into one of their clinics and they cannot find a problem. Yes, it bugs me. Oh well.
.
How does that saying go, if at first you fail, try standing on your head and making funny faces until someone gives you a push in the right direction. Well, that is how it often really ends up, you are welcome to be a part of my personal addendum to wisdom. So, since I failed, here goes the funny face.
Seriously though, my question about diabetes does not seem to have brought in as much consideration as I had hoped. I do appreciate Anonymous. This person is trying to warn me, and really, did a good job. My difficulty is I understand the warning though have no means I am aware of to alter the outcome. I might as well be the only one left on a jet headed into the mountain. I can only just keep consciousness long enough to realize I am in trouble. Yeah, okay, I will crash. And what does that mean to a man who cannot even get out of bed without the fuel that is driving the plane? Yeah, I mixed it up there. You are clever, you can follow right? Bitter, frustrated, nervous, sure. Please do not mind my bark.
I am curious how long diabetics usually go at such levels of illness before they begin to crash? I would think six years would be more than enough. Should I not already have had a sugar coma? I know there is exhaustion, but the exhaustion is alleviated by the sugars. That is not supposed to happen, is it? Something simply does not make sense here. Either it is not diabetes or they do not understand diabetes. Are Indians subject to different rules regarding diabetes? Are breeds subject to different rules? Why are my eyes improving, down to the capillaries. Why is my peripheral vision improving. Why are my really messed up eyes (vision wise) oddly improvable with glasses and contacts to 20/15? None of this makes any sense whatsoever.
I guess if someone was going to try and answer one question, it would be this. How long do diabetics living at a count of 300 to 700 (or more) have before they systemically fail, or even begin to show failure? I have looked. None of the online (or offline) doctors seem to have that answer or offer it, even in a general way. Well, other than showing wonder every time I walk into one of their clinics and they cannot find a problem. Yes, it bugs me. Oh well.
Dilemma.
.
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I am in a pickle, so to speak. I was using Coca~Cola to give me the juice I needed to see me to getting the things done that needed doing before, during, and after my lady friend's visit. I suggested I would quit using the stuff once she was gone. Well, sure enough, after I ran out of the last drops of go-juice I reluctantly but honestly stopped purchasing more. And, if the diabetes is not perfectly under control yet, I can feel my organs relaxing, softening, and returning to a more normal state (I think, anyway... some of them were becoming just a wee tight and causing some minor pain).
Diabetes? Yes, I have it and bad. But, so far, I am still healthy as a healthy horse and in a large way. My eyes have improved 3 times in the last 10 years, 6 of those years and two of the improvements being diabetic era, diabetes which is usually out of control at that. However, without something to help me go, I am back to slipping schedules, an inability to focus and push, self care and house care drops to sub-standard levels, and I am not able to even feed myself rightly. Those are bad enough, being a man, but there is bad and there is worse.
The Cola does not really "give me wings", it merely allows me to stay up long enough to have the potential to notice problems or dirty dishes and fix the problems or do the dishes. Ritalin was a step up from that, but the new doctor is dead set against that, without also taking the blood pressure medicine. And, here like Iowa, either neglect, incompetence, or outright avarice plays as a blocking item(s) in my care. I simply cannot afford to do private care at this point. Should I go back to the "sauce", knowing I am risking a great deal? Do I have a choice?
I am thinking about this, but I do not see a lot of options. I may, without touching an ounce of alcohol, still end up drinking myself to death just to be able to get a leg out of the bed more than a few hours at a time or even getting those feet on the floor more than a few days a week. It could be so simple. *grumbles* Oh, right, never go for that "government health care". It really is genocide.
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I am in a pickle, so to speak. I was using Coca~Cola to give me the juice I needed to see me to getting the things done that needed doing before, during, and after my lady friend's visit. I suggested I would quit using the stuff once she was gone. Well, sure enough, after I ran out of the last drops of go-juice I reluctantly but honestly stopped purchasing more. And, if the diabetes is not perfectly under control yet, I can feel my organs relaxing, softening, and returning to a more normal state (I think, anyway... some of them were becoming just a wee tight and causing some minor pain).
Diabetes? Yes, I have it and bad. But, so far, I am still healthy as a healthy horse and in a large way. My eyes have improved 3 times in the last 10 years, 6 of those years and two of the improvements being diabetic era, diabetes which is usually out of control at that. However, without something to help me go, I am back to slipping schedules, an inability to focus and push, self care and house care drops to sub-standard levels, and I am not able to even feed myself rightly. Those are bad enough, being a man, but there is bad and there is worse.
The Cola does not really "give me wings", it merely allows me to stay up long enough to have the potential to notice problems or dirty dishes and fix the problems or do the dishes. Ritalin was a step up from that, but the new doctor is dead set against that, without also taking the blood pressure medicine. And, here like Iowa, either neglect, incompetence, or outright avarice plays as a blocking item(s) in my care. I simply cannot afford to do private care at this point. Should I go back to the "sauce", knowing I am risking a great deal? Do I have a choice?
I am thinking about this, but I do not see a lot of options. I may, without touching an ounce of alcohol, still end up drinking myself to death just to be able to get a leg out of the bed more than a few hours at a time or even getting those feet on the floor more than a few days a week. It could be so simple. *grumbles* Oh, right, never go for that "government health care". It really is genocide.
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