.
.
Online, of course. I visited Amazon, ostensibly to purchase sleep medication. I, as usual, am reminded of why I hate shopping. I found the medicine and added it to my cart, more so I would not have to dig around for it later after looking at a few books. What kind of books? Gardening books, of course. The search criteria initially investigated was "gardening Utah". I found a few good hits and two books which look to cover the material well enough. I added one new and the other used. I then wanted to see if there were general books about vegetable gardening. Sure enough and ironical too! Anyway, I thought to order one. However, the associated discount books looked good, so I added the set. Something about pairing what you grow and smaller footprint gardening (which I have heard about on a number of sites I visit). Now, after ordering those, the list below it had a book which seemed quite interesting. Then I noted many of these books are available for Kindle, a tease for me to be certain. Although, until Amazon guarantees that if a book is sold incorrectly, that they will simply bear the economic cost and not steal it from me, that no changes to the books can or will be made due to future laws (say, removing the term niger from Mark Twain books), and open up the architecture to all e-book formats, I cannot buy the device. Yeah, quite a wish list but that would be the price. Back to my notion of shopping. Oh, but I forgot to even look at the small wheat harvest book D.C. suggests! Without saying more, you can see where I am going with this, right?
I ended up with $3.95 or so in medicine, which is pretty much all I really wanted, and over $80 in books in my cart. I am not even sure that price will cover the costs of shipping? Probably, but the point is, I get lost in that maze. It is best for me not to go in. I either, like this time, realize my error and do the brave thing... I close the page and run away. Or I end up buying... more stuff. No doubt the books are informative. Would I really read through them and be able or willing to implement that knowledge? I think one of them was more organic based. And though that would be good, sort of, in a garden, it is often very impractical, more so in a TEOTWAWKI situation. At which point we will have to use what we have to use as "contaminated" vegetables are much more satisfying then starvation or huge vitamin and mineral deficiencies. If something is available, it will be used. Anyway... yeah... shopping...
Another thought in another area crossed my mind recently. I cannot say I have explored it fully. But it has presented in a dream, if I do not remember the particulars, and it has been sitting in the back of my mind like cayenne pepper from a really good bowl of chili sits on the back of the throat... not overpowering, not invisible, mostly good, a little disturbing, but certainly there. It follows as such. Though I am certain that education reduces the value of women as wives, mates, mothers, along with their interest in bearing and nurturing children and most other things domestic, does education also impact men in a manner which is negative for families?
My gut initial feeling is that it does, and seriously, impact male interest in the family. The few family men I see in the professorial line seem to be a vast minority. Most, even of these, have small groomed families much like what I have seen in many white collar families. The families almost seem more of a setting or accessory than anything else. And, from some associations, families have also been used as "cover" rather than being an actual family. When I look at blue collar compared to white collar, I also see a family difference. The larger size of the family and the more natural family is with blue collar workers. I sort of think this is the way it has always been, looking back and thinking back to the history I have read. The first modern Western intellectuals were, after all, monks. Then the Church formulated universities. Though if you read the Old Testament, and read into it a bit, you might well come off with a similar sense about scribes and pharisees and such. No, no, I do believe education is a detriment to the family, out and out and wholesale.
So, I suppose, if that is true, I must examine whether it is the education itself or the type of people who wish to attain a modicum of understanding themselves. Is it the process or the person. Is it environment or genetics. Though I favor, as a majority, environment I cannot deny genetics plays some role. If so then the number of people interested in an advanced education is creeping up which means people are changing. Though economic realities and an altered social environment add pressure to achieve an education, is that all of it? Or have we, through soy products, feminism, and some other things ultimately changed who we are as people and as a people? If so, this has been done before. Every gilded age has known this very thing, though I am not sure if they had the sciences with which to really nail the thing. Those nations, forgotten or not but all lost, have also rued the outcome of raising girly men in a terribly rude world. Imagine what even the gayest Caesar would have thought if someone had told him in the future we would have 20 percent of the Legion being... female?
We, just not I, are indeed Doomed. Fie the markets and debt, hie the infrastructure and power production, the social decay is all we ever needed to take us to our knees and shove our noses in what we rightly deserve. Boys, girls, bend and tuck, this is going to hurt.
Anyway, I am off to sleep. I love these delicate little chats. They actually do make me feel better. What was that saying, something about bounces off me and sticks to you? Only you did not instigate. Hmm, I must have been made of glue in some past life. Ah, but I am getting better. Good night, hemorrhagic fever. I may have known you well, still do perhaps?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The darkness worsens.
.
.
No, not a personal level except in a larger manner than anything about me. This is about our future. While I have been viewing the coming crash of the economy, my eyes have been blinded. I have been looking at the fall from an purely economic point of view. I have also been blinded to viewing only the private sector, seeing only public sector layouts and entitlement spending. These, even if what can be corrected is corrected and the Fed is eliminated and fiddlers are removed from playing with money, the prime rate, and other factors, will lead to an indeterminate period of economic devastation similar to the Great Depression. But when I say indeterminate, I mean a longer, a much longer period of time in severe economic depression. Japan really is an example and she still is not in recovery. Though what I think we are looking at is a good deal below where Japan has fallen. This, by the way, will be global. There is no nation that is insulated, save maybe North Korea. Uhrm, now that right there is funny.
What I have missed is why "money" is leaving America. I am beginning to see things how the wealthy see things. The reason money and corporations are leaving the U.S. has something to do with taxation, with the costs of business, with the risks the government poses, and with other obvious if still convoluted notions. Something I missed in my calculations is the infrastructure. The failing nature of our infrastructure, from roads to bridges to the electric grid to dams is so vast and terrible that it alone would cause a financial decay equal to all that is mentioned above, and perhaps more. Add them together and you find that wealth has no choice, no matter what happens with the government, to leave. If it does not leave it will be consumed whole cloth and to almost no good results for generations.
As an example, the levy system which channels the water for 25 million people in Southern California is beyond the pale. To fix those systems, the cost ranges between $40 and $60 million dollars... per mile. Okay, well, that is just California. Fruits and nuts can hang. Fine, fine, if that is how you see it. Well, let us move on to something you cannot function without, anywhere. Roads. The decay of the highway system, bridges, and all is beyond the scope of the public and private sector to maintain, let alone repair or expand. With a turn of a phrase and a little thought, think of roads having been created by a big bang. Unlike the supposed big bang on a physics level, this big bang is actually collapsing on itself. While, for the average Joe, this merely means more time in traffic. Sure, road rage, increased accidents, and long detours are something to complain regarding, they are not really a huge economic issue, mostly. But for businesses to succeed, they must have the ability to transport goods at great speed. Our roads are one major part of our economic arteries, and they are clogged beyond our "economic doctors'" ability to repair, let alone expand as would be required. And another example of "clogged arteries" is the electric grid. If black outs do not get you, rolling brownouts will. That does not include the rest of the levies, which are just now being collated and cataloged on a national level. Of course, none of this counts in the current economic realities of declining... everything. Right.
Who is to blame? Well, businesses have certainly used these resources to their breaking points. Ah, but they have paid so very dearly that they are, in part, being forced to take their businesses elsewhere if they can afford to do so. They get a pass on blame, seriously. Of course, there are the American people. We use things until they are broken and fail as well. Ah, but here again, we see that citizens have paid quite dearly for our goods. Some more than others of course. And the price those "some" pay is becoming onerous enough that deserting is not so much simply a wise economic choice as it is a choice between staying and being economically salvaged (perhaps worse, as the final solution came about more in hopes (why do socialists always do that hope thing, I do not think they now what that term really means) of covering up Germany's great theft of the fortunes of the few).
So, who is to blame. A minor player has been unions. When I say minor, I mean they represent about 1/3 of the blame. What have unions done? Well, driving up the cost of the maintenance and repair of the infrastructure through an increase of at least 30% of the (direct) cost of those endeavors, while union rules demand inefficiency and waste adding untold amounts to the price that is to be paid. The rest of the cost goes to politicians who have become shrill gold promisers. The most fiscally conservative politician on today's market would be called a fiscal lunatic in the first 150 to 200 years of this nation. When did this begin to change? Two words, feminist emancipation. This, however, was an enactment by men. It goes against logic, it goes against reason, it goes against tradition, and ultimately, it goes against God.
I now understand why many of those I discuss these matters with, read, or see discussing the issue have such a varied opinion about what can be done, what should be done, and what they themselves are doing. Very few people see the whole picture, from the economic to the political to the social. This is not an economic problem. Although, if you stretch the Austrian School of Economics' principles and predictions into the overall equations, you will find that they still hold true. What man has does in all three (the social, political, and economic) areas is to attempt to socially engineer a new world (order). That it is failing is no surprise. But the size of the failing is being so hugely underestimated by even those riding the dark horses of doom because they are not looking at the whole picture. Their 'televisions' are not wide screen enough. They are seeing the middle 3 square inches of a 50" inch 'television'. Most of us were born with blinders on. Those, like myself, who bucked the blinders and are sidelined at least in part for that, are just now expanding our view.
How far will we fall? I do not really know. Is there anything we can do to avoid even some of it? Yes, but you are not going to like the price, some of you will not make it no matter what we do. Is there hope? In God, yes, in man, ourselves, the economy for most of the rest of our lives, no. You really ought to get busy. The clock is ticking. One small cataclysm may well escalate into absolute failure of everything you know and hold dear. What you are wearing and can carry may be all you have left.
The ones I wonder about the most are the ones who are so jacked into cell phones, texting, tweeter, and the rest. I can handle hours, days, weeks, and months, even years without so much as a bit of chat. Can you? There may not even be land line phones except for the wealthy, in Europe or wherever they eventually flee. Though, for them, I fear even more. They will, at some point, be beyond their money to save. Even if they find a safe place, they will be prisoners there with others like themselves. Any army hired to protect them may well become their own masters, and by needs would become so even if not directly. None will be spared. I suppose that is why they enjoy an even higher life now. Drink that wine, for tomorrow it will be vinegar.
Bah! I blather. But lest you think this is simply a tale and you will go on as you do today, or more yesterday, bless your heart and may St. Ambrose help you. Actually, I do believe I will find a prayer which asks for his talents to be shared with the many. Hmm, perhaps St. Raphael, as well. Those are the patron saints of learning and of the blind.
.
No, not a personal level except in a larger manner than anything about me. This is about our future. While I have been viewing the coming crash of the economy, my eyes have been blinded. I have been looking at the fall from an purely economic point of view. I have also been blinded to viewing only the private sector, seeing only public sector layouts and entitlement spending. These, even if what can be corrected is corrected and the Fed is eliminated and fiddlers are removed from playing with money, the prime rate, and other factors, will lead to an indeterminate period of economic devastation similar to the Great Depression. But when I say indeterminate, I mean a longer, a much longer period of time in severe economic depression. Japan really is an example and she still is not in recovery. Though what I think we are looking at is a good deal below where Japan has fallen. This, by the way, will be global. There is no nation that is insulated, save maybe North Korea. Uhrm, now that right there is funny.
What I have missed is why "money" is leaving America. I am beginning to see things how the wealthy see things. The reason money and corporations are leaving the U.S. has something to do with taxation, with the costs of business, with the risks the government poses, and with other obvious if still convoluted notions. Something I missed in my calculations is the infrastructure. The failing nature of our infrastructure, from roads to bridges to the electric grid to dams is so vast and terrible that it alone would cause a financial decay equal to all that is mentioned above, and perhaps more. Add them together and you find that wealth has no choice, no matter what happens with the government, to leave. If it does not leave it will be consumed whole cloth and to almost no good results for generations.
As an example, the levy system which channels the water for 25 million people in Southern California is beyond the pale. To fix those systems, the cost ranges between $40 and $60 million dollars... per mile. Okay, well, that is just California. Fruits and nuts can hang. Fine, fine, if that is how you see it. Well, let us move on to something you cannot function without, anywhere. Roads. The decay of the highway system, bridges, and all is beyond the scope of the public and private sector to maintain, let alone repair or expand. With a turn of a phrase and a little thought, think of roads having been created by a big bang. Unlike the supposed big bang on a physics level, this big bang is actually collapsing on itself. While, for the average Joe, this merely means more time in traffic. Sure, road rage, increased accidents, and long detours are something to complain regarding, they are not really a huge economic issue, mostly. But for businesses to succeed, they must have the ability to transport goods at great speed. Our roads are one major part of our economic arteries, and they are clogged beyond our "economic doctors'" ability to repair, let alone expand as would be required. And another example of "clogged arteries" is the electric grid. If black outs do not get you, rolling brownouts will. That does not include the rest of the levies, which are just now being collated and cataloged on a national level. Of course, none of this counts in the current economic realities of declining... everything. Right.
Who is to blame? Well, businesses have certainly used these resources to their breaking points. Ah, but they have paid so very dearly that they are, in part, being forced to take their businesses elsewhere if they can afford to do so. They get a pass on blame, seriously. Of course, there are the American people. We use things until they are broken and fail as well. Ah, but here again, we see that citizens have paid quite dearly for our goods. Some more than others of course. And the price those "some" pay is becoming onerous enough that deserting is not so much simply a wise economic choice as it is a choice between staying and being economically salvaged (perhaps worse, as the final solution came about more in hopes (why do socialists always do that hope thing, I do not think they now what that term really means) of covering up Germany's great theft of the fortunes of the few).
So, who is to blame. A minor player has been unions. When I say minor, I mean they represent about 1/3 of the blame. What have unions done? Well, driving up the cost of the maintenance and repair of the infrastructure through an increase of at least 30% of the (direct) cost of those endeavors, while union rules demand inefficiency and waste adding untold amounts to the price that is to be paid. The rest of the cost goes to politicians who have become shrill gold promisers. The most fiscally conservative politician on today's market would be called a fiscal lunatic in the first 150 to 200 years of this nation. When did this begin to change? Two words, feminist emancipation. This, however, was an enactment by men. It goes against logic, it goes against reason, it goes against tradition, and ultimately, it goes against God.
I now understand why many of those I discuss these matters with, read, or see discussing the issue have such a varied opinion about what can be done, what should be done, and what they themselves are doing. Very few people see the whole picture, from the economic to the political to the social. This is not an economic problem. Although, if you stretch the Austrian School of Economics' principles and predictions into the overall equations, you will find that they still hold true. What man has does in all three (the social, political, and economic) areas is to attempt to socially engineer a new world (order). That it is failing is no surprise. But the size of the failing is being so hugely underestimated by even those riding the dark horses of doom because they are not looking at the whole picture. Their 'televisions' are not wide screen enough. They are seeing the middle 3 square inches of a 50" inch 'television'. Most of us were born with blinders on. Those, like myself, who bucked the blinders and are sidelined at least in part for that, are just now expanding our view.
How far will we fall? I do not really know. Is there anything we can do to avoid even some of it? Yes, but you are not going to like the price, some of you will not make it no matter what we do. Is there hope? In God, yes, in man, ourselves, the economy for most of the rest of our lives, no. You really ought to get busy. The clock is ticking. One small cataclysm may well escalate into absolute failure of everything you know and hold dear. What you are wearing and can carry may be all you have left.
The ones I wonder about the most are the ones who are so jacked into cell phones, texting, tweeter, and the rest. I can handle hours, days, weeks, and months, even years without so much as a bit of chat. Can you? There may not even be land line phones except for the wealthy, in Europe or wherever they eventually flee. Though, for them, I fear even more. They will, at some point, be beyond their money to save. Even if they find a safe place, they will be prisoners there with others like themselves. Any army hired to protect them may well become their own masters, and by needs would become so even if not directly. None will be spared. I suppose that is why they enjoy an even higher life now. Drink that wine, for tomorrow it will be vinegar.
Bah! I blather. But lest you think this is simply a tale and you will go on as you do today, or more yesterday, bless your heart and may St. Ambrose help you. Actually, I do believe I will find a prayer which asks for his talents to be shared with the many. Hmm, perhaps St. Raphael, as well. Those are the patron saints of learning and of the blind.
Ah well.
.
.
I tried to sleep but that simply was not going to happen. Which, I guess, for now, is fine. I think I have broken through my impasse and might well be heading for better conditions again. I am taking tomorrow off, other than a few chores and neglected duties here in the house. No actual work. Not just because it is a Sunday this time, but because a day of no expectations will give me time to plan a few things, set up my tools for work on the roof when that is possible (I need to make sure both batteries for the drill are charged, for example), and simply set my home back into order. If I do something heavy and difficult, it will be vacuuming.
I found doxylamine succinate, and what it is supposed to be in. The odd thing is is that I looked at some of those brands and this ingredient was not listed. I wonder if something has changed with federal rules, or if this state or region has decided not to offer this medication? I may have to simply order it online, if I hate to do that. A few days wait, postage on top of price, and worrying about it being delivered correctly. I simply despise shopping that way except for items which simply are available no other way.
Since I am up, I might get to some of the cleaning tonight. Who knows.
.
I tried to sleep but that simply was not going to happen. Which, I guess, for now, is fine. I think I have broken through my impasse and might well be heading for better conditions again. I am taking tomorrow off, other than a few chores and neglected duties here in the house. No actual work. Not just because it is a Sunday this time, but because a day of no expectations will give me time to plan a few things, set up my tools for work on the roof when that is possible (I need to make sure both batteries for the drill are charged, for example), and simply set my home back into order. If I do something heavy and difficult, it will be vacuuming.
I found doxylamine succinate, and what it is supposed to be in. The odd thing is is that I looked at some of those brands and this ingredient was not listed. I wonder if something has changed with federal rules, or if this state or region has decided not to offer this medication? I may have to simply order it online, if I hate to do that. A few days wait, postage on top of price, and worrying about it being delivered correctly. I simply despise shopping that way except for items which simply are available no other way.
Since I am up, I might get to some of the cleaning tonight. Who knows.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Into to town.
.
.
Such a simple thing. Of course, first I had to shower and dress. It took a long time to get ready to get ready. I finally bribed myself with fast food. Though that did not seem to work, I think it had some part to play in getting me to town.
While in town, I stopped and two more places looking for doxylamine succinate in any of the sleep medications. Nothing was found. I will be looking online in a bit. After 3 stores of very different natures with no success, I am starting to wonder. I also bought a couple of tools to help with the roof. I purchased a larger pry bar and thinking about a smaller one when something from a dream invaded my mind. I had dreamed of a pry bar hammer spike axe to be used for war and work. And, to a degree, that is what I found. Mjöllnir it ain't. But it is enough. My guess is that it is a better hand held fighting device than most you might find in even live-steel recreations of old weapons. Plus it is handy for renovations. Try that with your +3 mace of zapping!
I think, after Sam developed a sudden case of the stomach dropsies about which I had a strong problem with, and after looking through the remnants, why she gets sick. It is not due to her fur at all, it is the mice fur she is eating. There must be another batch of baby mice as she has been having a hunting bonanza. With bigger mice she eats only parts of the inner aspects, pretty much leaving the fur intact. But she eats the baby mice and such whole. I felt bad, but then she was on my bed. I wish I could teach her to puke on specific paper or something, but that will go over about as well as trying to teach her to fetch. Old cats, as they say, cannot learn new tricks. Well, any cats as some say. I suppose it is dogs, technically, but work with me.
Monday will see me in town taking care of my tax issues. If I get up and out early enough, with my friends help perhaps, and get back in plenty of time, there is a chance I could get to the roof. Who knows. Later.
.
Such a simple thing. Of course, first I had to shower and dress. It took a long time to get ready to get ready. I finally bribed myself with fast food. Though that did not seem to work, I think it had some part to play in getting me to town.
While in town, I stopped and two more places looking for doxylamine succinate in any of the sleep medications. Nothing was found. I will be looking online in a bit. After 3 stores of very different natures with no success, I am starting to wonder. I also bought a couple of tools to help with the roof. I purchased a larger pry bar and thinking about a smaller one when something from a dream invaded my mind. I had dreamed of a pry bar hammer spike axe to be used for war and work. And, to a degree, that is what I found. Mjöllnir it ain't. But it is enough. My guess is that it is a better hand held fighting device than most you might find in even live-steel recreations of old weapons. Plus it is handy for renovations. Try that with your +3 mace of zapping!
I think, after Sam developed a sudden case of the stomach dropsies about which I had a strong problem with, and after looking through the remnants, why she gets sick. It is not due to her fur at all, it is the mice fur she is eating. There must be another batch of baby mice as she has been having a hunting bonanza. With bigger mice she eats only parts of the inner aspects, pretty much leaving the fur intact. But she eats the baby mice and such whole. I felt bad, but then she was on my bed. I wish I could teach her to puke on specific paper or something, but that will go over about as well as trying to teach her to fetch. Old cats, as they say, cannot learn new tricks. Well, any cats as some say. I suppose it is dogs, technically, but work with me.
Monday will see me in town taking care of my tax issues. If I get up and out early enough, with my friends help perhaps, and get back in plenty of time, there is a chance I could get to the roof. Who knows. Later.
Yes, yes, I am getting to it.
.
.
I was able to go back to sleep last night after waking up from my first sleep. Waking at noon or 13:00 or something, I finally stumbled out of bed and have been stumbling ever since. I do believe I will be able to make a trip into town and obtain a crowbar and sleep medication. I might even be able to get to the hen house and use the bar. I will not say I am over being frozen, not completely, and recidivism is a strong possibility at this point. I know I want more sleep which will then make me even sleepier. I want to sit, not move, and hope it all goes away. But more, I have a taste of success, a new list of things to do, and maybe enough fire in the belly to get to it. Yes, yes, still slow. But I think I am getting past whatever it was. Recovery takes time too.
Surprising what a minor amount of flirting does to a guy. Women can be as good a curative, even when it is all light and fluffy, as any pill doctors could invent. God may have a sense of humor about the deal, but he is not a completely unkind or uncaring God. Women serve us right? Yes, maybe. Ha!
Good day.
.
I was able to go back to sleep last night after waking up from my first sleep. Waking at noon or 13:00 or something, I finally stumbled out of bed and have been stumbling ever since. I do believe I will be able to make a trip into town and obtain a crowbar and sleep medication. I might even be able to get to the hen house and use the bar. I will not say I am over being frozen, not completely, and recidivism is a strong possibility at this point. I know I want more sleep which will then make me even sleepier. I want to sit, not move, and hope it all goes away. But more, I have a taste of success, a new list of things to do, and maybe enough fire in the belly to get to it. Yes, yes, still slow. But I think I am getting past whatever it was. Recovery takes time too.
Surprising what a minor amount of flirting does to a guy. Women can be as good a curative, even when it is all light and fluffy, as any pill doctors could invent. God may have a sense of humor about the deal, but he is not a completely unkind or uncaring God. Women serve us right? Yes, maybe. Ha!
Good day.
I am not tall.
.
.
(or) The funniest thing I have heard in days. Counting how I lose track of days, days means a long time.
On a site I frequently read, the owner has indicated that he is not a conservative. Well, that is fine. Having said that, I might claim to be genius, I might say that Santa is real, and I might believe that light can actually travel faster than, well, light. And, within reason and with a little fudging, nudging, jostling, and evaluation and careful choosing of terms and a specific definition of those terms, I could argue all of those are true. But they are not true in any kind of a strict or literal interpretation.
Christianity is not a liberal valuation system, for one, as either are even loosely if still surely understood. One cannot have a Lord and King and remain free, especially such a system of governance, that it is argued, is not just spiritual but which supersedes earthly law. If one chooses to be a humble servant, one is not free to be liberal. This author has suggested that he is indeed Christian.
It could be argued that decrying egalitarian legislation, logic, and practices is merely an act of logic, devoid of political involvement. And, while that could hold merit, I have rarely seen conservativism and usually a conversion or at least healthy respect of Christianity without this. Conversely, those who choose to believe in the truth of egalitarian "rights" often lose any Christian ethic they may have held, and certainly are not conservative if they might be Republican.
His weakest political affiliation is through his financial beliefs, though these are actually conservative if not necessarily Republican. He suggests he is for smaller government, lower taxes, and I believe fewer regulations. At least he is definitely against the "Fed". He seems to be rather positive about economic building based on entrepreneurial enterprise and moderated small to large business, and really the general notion of capitalist workings, eschewing socialist, corporatist, and other economic models.
Now, perhaps some slide can be given the rope with the consideration of the term "Christian Libertarian". At least in a secular manner, if that eliminates the seeming primary word in that term. A Libertarian, big or little "L", can be said to be a "third way". Of course, in my humble opinion, this lacks any intellectual basis. First, the Christian aspect as I have covered it, in my understanding. Further, there is no third way. What does the bible say? Something rather strictly understood as you are either with me or you are against me. Not that this is a scientific principle, though it well might be in certain fields in specific instances. An object is at rest or in motion. In motion it is moving one way or not. There are many other instances where a problem is, and must be, broken down into a question which is answered in only one of two ways. It is required for resolution. In any case, I believe what God has set forth is not just how it is between He and us, but the way it is, period. There is no middle ground.
Further, one could say that the writer has merely been playing a part. I have no doubt he uses his blog to think things through, to say things he believes and sometimes things he does not believe, and experiment with those who comment, take a pulse of the environment, stimulate his intellect, play the devil's advocate, and simply enjoy a stroll in the conversational and debate park. Perhaps he is actually a secret Ivy League professor (for all I know, I honestly do not delve into who is who out here, unless invited and have the opportunity and interest). Or maybe he is a secret admirer of such a position and likes to think of himself in such a manner. Everything he writes is a fiction and he does not believe any of it. From my simple humble analysis, however, I think this is well and truly debunked.
He might be able to say that he is not a religious absolutist. Which, again, is very true. If I am heavier here, perhaps, and only in some ways, neither am I. I do believe in hell, I do believe unrepentant sinners will go to hell, I do believe gays have a choice and are often unrepentant, and yet I do not actually hate gays, if most homosexuals are so devoid of reason in some matters and irritating in their behaviors so as to be unapproachable, untenable to me in a social setting. I will take that, if it is a hit, and keep it. Still, that does not mean he is not a political conservative. Heck, the last head of the RNC was gay! (to my, if not the writer's, disdain)
If he had suggested that he was not a Republican "conservative", I would have happily obliged the notion. As a fact, neither am I. I left the party when McCain was nominated, if I had my foot half out of the door because of President Bush the Second's follies. But to claim not to be a political conservative is simply not a truth. The only thing I can imagine is that, in much of the world, a conservative means what a liberal means here, and delayed jet lag has muddled his mind. Still, it was fun to ponder.
.
(or) The funniest thing I have heard in days. Counting how I lose track of days, days means a long time.
On a site I frequently read, the owner has indicated that he is not a conservative. Well, that is fine. Having said that, I might claim to be genius, I might say that Santa is real, and I might believe that light can actually travel faster than, well, light. And, within reason and with a little fudging, nudging, jostling, and evaluation and careful choosing of terms and a specific definition of those terms, I could argue all of those are true. But they are not true in any kind of a strict or literal interpretation.
Christianity is not a liberal valuation system, for one, as either are even loosely if still surely understood. One cannot have a Lord and King and remain free, especially such a system of governance, that it is argued, is not just spiritual but which supersedes earthly law. If one chooses to be a humble servant, one is not free to be liberal. This author has suggested that he is indeed Christian.
It could be argued that decrying egalitarian legislation, logic, and practices is merely an act of logic, devoid of political involvement. And, while that could hold merit, I have rarely seen conservativism and usually a conversion or at least healthy respect of Christianity without this. Conversely, those who choose to believe in the truth of egalitarian "rights" often lose any Christian ethic they may have held, and certainly are not conservative if they might be Republican.
His weakest political affiliation is through his financial beliefs, though these are actually conservative if not necessarily Republican. He suggests he is for smaller government, lower taxes, and I believe fewer regulations. At least he is definitely against the "Fed". He seems to be rather positive about economic building based on entrepreneurial enterprise and moderated small to large business, and really the general notion of capitalist workings, eschewing socialist, corporatist, and other economic models.
Now, perhaps some slide can be given the rope with the consideration of the term "Christian Libertarian". At least in a secular manner, if that eliminates the seeming primary word in that term. A Libertarian, big or little "L", can be said to be a "third way". Of course, in my humble opinion, this lacks any intellectual basis. First, the Christian aspect as I have covered it, in my understanding. Further, there is no third way. What does the bible say? Something rather strictly understood as you are either with me or you are against me. Not that this is a scientific principle, though it well might be in certain fields in specific instances. An object is at rest or in motion. In motion it is moving one way or not. There are many other instances where a problem is, and must be, broken down into a question which is answered in only one of two ways. It is required for resolution. In any case, I believe what God has set forth is not just how it is between He and us, but the way it is, period. There is no middle ground.
Further, one could say that the writer has merely been playing a part. I have no doubt he uses his blog to think things through, to say things he believes and sometimes things he does not believe, and experiment with those who comment, take a pulse of the environment, stimulate his intellect, play the devil's advocate, and simply enjoy a stroll in the conversational and debate park. Perhaps he is actually a secret Ivy League professor (for all I know, I honestly do not delve into who is who out here, unless invited and have the opportunity and interest). Or maybe he is a secret admirer of such a position and likes to think of himself in such a manner. Everything he writes is a fiction and he does not believe any of it. From my simple humble analysis, however, I think this is well and truly debunked.
He might be able to say that he is not a religious absolutist. Which, again, is very true. If I am heavier here, perhaps, and only in some ways, neither am I. I do believe in hell, I do believe unrepentant sinners will go to hell, I do believe gays have a choice and are often unrepentant, and yet I do not actually hate gays, if most homosexuals are so devoid of reason in some matters and irritating in their behaviors so as to be unapproachable, untenable to me in a social setting. I will take that, if it is a hit, and keep it. Still, that does not mean he is not a political conservative. Heck, the last head of the RNC was gay! (to my, if not the writer's, disdain)
If he had suggested that he was not a Republican "conservative", I would have happily obliged the notion. As a fact, neither am I. I left the party when McCain was nominated, if I had my foot half out of the door because of President Bush the Second's follies. But to claim not to be a political conservative is simply not a truth. The only thing I can imagine is that, in much of the world, a conservative means what a liberal means here, and delayed jet lag has muddled his mind. Still, it was fun to ponder.
Not much sleep.
.
.
I slept well and deeply but for only about 4 or 5 hours. I will try very hard to make it to town tomorrow. I want sleep so badly I can almost taste it.
While up and at it, I cruised the web, visited blogs, reviewed news stories, and then goofed for a bit. What I saw at one blog started a line of thoughts.
There was something about the percentage of gays in England, I think. The tally showed that there was about 1% of the population which is gay, another portion of half that who are bisexual. Whatever and all. Then there were comments by the proprietor of the site. And then further there were comments a-plenty. I think the comments sort of steered toward whether gays will be punished any more than any other sinner. I have a simple answer. Yes, of course, though no it is not necessary.
Why is it not necessary? Well, it is not necessary because any sin can and will be forgiven. Gluttony, sloth, rage, and the rest, even to murder and many murders, can be born by Christ through His sacrifice as easily as I carry a coin in my pocket. There are requirements, however. If a murder or glutton truly sees he is sinning and brings this to the Lord (in confession as I believe it), the sin will be cleansed. That may not at all leave him free of secular punishment, but even if he faces the death penalty and that is carried out, he will have paid here and been forgiven, if he honestly understood what he did was wrong and then was forgiven. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, masturbators, and adulterers can all be forgiven, even if they continue to fail.
What cannot be forgiven is refusing see the sin that these things are and seeking forgiveness. Most gays simply will not see what they choose to do sexually as a sin. They refuse to know it is immoral either. I cannot speak for every sexual deviant in existence. Some, I am quite sure, even if they lapse, understand the weight of their sin and seek forgiveness with all their heart. These will, barring other considerations, be saved. Many of those may well and happily be ahead of me in their placement in heaven. It is my sincere belief, however, that most gays are not among that number.
So, why all this about that? Well, the originating commenter suggested that the only problem with homosexuality is that it is a hard life. No doubt, but what is missed is that beyond being a hard life, it produces a hard afterlife. To fail, as Christians, to note this to those who are living in mortal sin is itself a sin. So you have friends that are gay, fine. And not that I am suggesting you, whoever you are, bash your friend(s) over the head with your morality every time you see them. But I do suggest, that if the topic arises, you steer them right. Further, I recommend that you not steer them wrong with general notions of secular thought, that all things are just fine with whatever they do. Same, of course, goes for all sinners. But for those who believe their sins are not sins, the impetus to teach and guide is much stronger. Going along to get along will do no good, it will harm.
I do not discuss hell lightly, generally, here or there. I do not suggest that people condemn anyone, but true compassion means being strong enough to tell the hard truths and not merely accept whatever is presented by whomever is presenting. I do not discuss hell so as to punish, but to save and to uplift. If people are headed to hell right now in life, they are both leading retched lives and can be saved. Once they are dead they are beyond the aid of choice. And they only get one life, unless they have a back pocket full of cat lives, as I do. Hehe! If I did not survive to now, I am pretty sure where I would be. Take heed. Your time is much shorter than you think, even should you live a thousand years, that last millisecond is a bad place to be in alone, sinful, and about to enter the dark.
Anyway, that is, sort of, my point. I cannot seem to get right in to what I mean lately. Still, trying as I may. Back to bed, and sleep I hope.
.
I slept well and deeply but for only about 4 or 5 hours. I will try very hard to make it to town tomorrow. I want sleep so badly I can almost taste it.
While up and at it, I cruised the web, visited blogs, reviewed news stories, and then goofed for a bit. What I saw at one blog started a line of thoughts.
There was something about the percentage of gays in England, I think. The tally showed that there was about 1% of the population which is gay, another portion of half that who are bisexual. Whatever and all. Then there were comments by the proprietor of the site. And then further there were comments a-plenty. I think the comments sort of steered toward whether gays will be punished any more than any other sinner. I have a simple answer. Yes, of course, though no it is not necessary.
Why is it not necessary? Well, it is not necessary because any sin can and will be forgiven. Gluttony, sloth, rage, and the rest, even to murder and many murders, can be born by Christ through His sacrifice as easily as I carry a coin in my pocket. There are requirements, however. If a murder or glutton truly sees he is sinning and brings this to the Lord (in confession as I believe it), the sin will be cleansed. That may not at all leave him free of secular punishment, but even if he faces the death penalty and that is carried out, he will have paid here and been forgiven, if he honestly understood what he did was wrong and then was forgiven. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, masturbators, and adulterers can all be forgiven, even if they continue to fail.
What cannot be forgiven is refusing see the sin that these things are and seeking forgiveness. Most gays simply will not see what they choose to do sexually as a sin. They refuse to know it is immoral either. I cannot speak for every sexual deviant in existence. Some, I am quite sure, even if they lapse, understand the weight of their sin and seek forgiveness with all their heart. These will, barring other considerations, be saved. Many of those may well and happily be ahead of me in their placement in heaven. It is my sincere belief, however, that most gays are not among that number.
So, why all this about that? Well, the originating commenter suggested that the only problem with homosexuality is that it is a hard life. No doubt, but what is missed is that beyond being a hard life, it produces a hard afterlife. To fail, as Christians, to note this to those who are living in mortal sin is itself a sin. So you have friends that are gay, fine. And not that I am suggesting you, whoever you are, bash your friend(s) over the head with your morality every time you see them. But I do suggest, that if the topic arises, you steer them right. Further, I recommend that you not steer them wrong with general notions of secular thought, that all things are just fine with whatever they do. Same, of course, goes for all sinners. But for those who believe their sins are not sins, the impetus to teach and guide is much stronger. Going along to get along will do no good, it will harm.
I do not discuss hell lightly, generally, here or there. I do not suggest that people condemn anyone, but true compassion means being strong enough to tell the hard truths and not merely accept whatever is presented by whomever is presenting. I do not discuss hell so as to punish, but to save and to uplift. If people are headed to hell right now in life, they are both leading retched lives and can be saved. Once they are dead they are beyond the aid of choice. And they only get one life, unless they have a back pocket full of cat lives, as I do. Hehe! If I did not survive to now, I am pretty sure where I would be. Take heed. Your time is much shorter than you think, even should you live a thousand years, that last millisecond is a bad place to be in alone, sinful, and about to enter the dark.
Anyway, that is, sort of, my point. I cannot seem to get right in to what I mean lately. Still, trying as I may. Back to bed, and sleep I hope.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Forms of government.
.
.
As I was sitting here, half asleep, winding down in preparation for catnapping Sam from the out of doors, I started thinking about our government. Running through the types of government, in near shut down mode, is rather fun. They have a name for it, but not for it when free association is fueled by sleep deprivation. Anyway...
I started thinking about the various terms I had heard and know. There is democracy, which I discounted due to Democrats being in office. How ironic, the turn of terms, I thought. Anyway, on to theocracy. No, again, the thing with Democrats holds in this realm as well, though they do favor islam. Oligarchy? Well, it has some potential in a way, but requires strong leaders. I had to scratch that one. A newer name came to mind, technocracy? And, in similar if only a parallel similarity, though the Democrats try to run under the guise of the sciences and academia, both those two things fail in the real world too often to mention and the fact that those chosen from the intelligentsia by and for the current administration are only weakly "mired" in those disciplines, having long ago abandoned the scope and limits of those masteries for the proposal that is politicized madness, such as a belief in AGW, I had to surrender the notion. So, again, no. Then I stumbled on my golden word. Though it does not yet, technically (though in theory through word construction principles it could exist (I think)), it works perfectly! We live in an idiocracy!
Bother. I am tired, I ramble, but it was fun. Good night, for sure.
.
As I was sitting here, half asleep, winding down in preparation for catnapping Sam from the out of doors, I started thinking about our government. Running through the types of government, in near shut down mode, is rather fun. They have a name for it, but not for it when free association is fueled by sleep deprivation. Anyway...
I started thinking about the various terms I had heard and know. There is democracy, which I discounted due to Democrats being in office. How ironic, the turn of terms, I thought. Anyway, on to theocracy. No, again, the thing with Democrats holds in this realm as well, though they do favor islam. Oligarchy? Well, it has some potential in a way, but requires strong leaders. I had to scratch that one. A newer name came to mind, technocracy? And, in similar if only a parallel similarity, though the Democrats try to run under the guise of the sciences and academia, both those two things fail in the real world too often to mention and the fact that those chosen from the intelligentsia by and for the current administration are only weakly "mired" in those disciplines, having long ago abandoned the scope and limits of those masteries for the proposal that is politicized madness, such as a belief in AGW, I had to surrender the notion. So, again, no. Then I stumbled on my golden word. Though it does not yet, technically (though in theory through word construction principles it could exist (I think)), it works perfectly! We live in an idiocracy!
Bother. I am tired, I ramble, but it was fun. Good night, for sure.
I finally made it.
.
.
It was brutal waking up. I think my friend called... many times. And my alarm is still somehow buzzing in my ear. A horrible morning waking up, one nightmares are made of. It was worth it though. The trip was simple. I forgot the map I had printed and so it took me a short bit longer to find the place. I was taken right in without a moments wait, merely needing to sign two sign in sheets, first at the military outpost on the first floor, then in the office.
I forgot to deal with my vocational rehabilitation papers, but there will be time for that. I did get the tax papers. It seems, however, that the county like the state offices are closed on Fridays. The lady working with me, quite a charming woman, tried to call the office to offer me more information, especially after I had told them I was a disabled veteran last year and they told me there was no tax reduction for me. That will be handled Monday. My friend, almost jokingly, suggested he call me again Monday to try and help me get going. I asked if that would be an imposition, and he... I think he likes it. Ha!
On the way home we stopped at a shooters store. He picked up a poncho, and I picked up another one. He asked if I wished for two ponchos, with different colors, so that I might color coordinate, and then laughed. Yeah, he likes jesting. We then went to dinner at one of the best steak houses in the state. No, the prices are not what one might expect. Utah is not a money rich state and this region is less so. What you get here though, I would guess you cannot get in most cities for quality of service, top meats, and the setting. I tried their prime rib. I like the ribeye better, but this was one of the finest prime ribs I have ever had. Often, with prime rib, the au jus is often very artificial or chemical tasting. This had no false taste to it. As promised, I picked up the check.
I did forget to buy a crowbar on the way back through town though. I stopped for tobacco and milk, for which Sassy is much pleased. A quiet ride home and that is that. Who knows, perhaps a bit of work yesterday and the driving today will jog something loose and I can get back to working. Maybe I pushed in the heat and for too long of a period. I really needed a break, several of them, and was able to bulldoze through. I suppose I should not complain. Much like how the Austrian School describes economic boom and bust, we all live under those types of constraints. Some of us more so than others. And, my boom and bust may be much smaller than that of others, but it is within my capacity. A bust was inevitable, as D.C. pointed out. Past due even. That it is not even worse is probably in part due to an expansion of endurance and being in a place that is healthier and saner for me.
Well, that is it. I will probably be crashing before too long. I did well today, no drowsy moments, no real sluggishness even after the meal, but I am feeling it. And, glad for it. Oh, I have not found the stuff for sleep D.C. recommended. The organo place did not carry it. If I can get up and moving tomorrow, I will go into town since I need a crowbar as well anyway, and a few other things. But for tonight, I do not think I will need it.
Later or good night, Caroline.
.
It was brutal waking up. I think my friend called... many times. And my alarm is still somehow buzzing in my ear. A horrible morning waking up, one nightmares are made of. It was worth it though. The trip was simple. I forgot the map I had printed and so it took me a short bit longer to find the place. I was taken right in without a moments wait, merely needing to sign two sign in sheets, first at the military outpost on the first floor, then in the office.
I forgot to deal with my vocational rehabilitation papers, but there will be time for that. I did get the tax papers. It seems, however, that the county like the state offices are closed on Fridays. The lady working with me, quite a charming woman, tried to call the office to offer me more information, especially after I had told them I was a disabled veteran last year and they told me there was no tax reduction for me. That will be handled Monday. My friend, almost jokingly, suggested he call me again Monday to try and help me get going. I asked if that would be an imposition, and he... I think he likes it. Ha!
On the way home we stopped at a shooters store. He picked up a poncho, and I picked up another one. He asked if I wished for two ponchos, with different colors, so that I might color coordinate, and then laughed. Yeah, he likes jesting. We then went to dinner at one of the best steak houses in the state. No, the prices are not what one might expect. Utah is not a money rich state and this region is less so. What you get here though, I would guess you cannot get in most cities for quality of service, top meats, and the setting. I tried their prime rib. I like the ribeye better, but this was one of the finest prime ribs I have ever had. Often, with prime rib, the au jus is often very artificial or chemical tasting. This had no false taste to it. As promised, I picked up the check.
I did forget to buy a crowbar on the way back through town though. I stopped for tobacco and milk, for which Sassy is much pleased. A quiet ride home and that is that. Who knows, perhaps a bit of work yesterday and the driving today will jog something loose and I can get back to working. Maybe I pushed in the heat and for too long of a period. I really needed a break, several of them, and was able to bulldoze through. I suppose I should not complain. Much like how the Austrian School describes economic boom and bust, we all live under those types of constraints. Some of us more so than others. And, my boom and bust may be much smaller than that of others, but it is within my capacity. A bust was inevitable, as D.C. pointed out. Past due even. That it is not even worse is probably in part due to an expansion of endurance and being in a place that is healthier and saner for me.
Well, that is it. I will probably be crashing before too long. I did well today, no drowsy moments, no real sluggishness even after the meal, but I am feeling it. And, glad for it. Oh, I have not found the stuff for sleep D.C. recommended. The organo place did not carry it. If I can get up and moving tomorrow, I will go into town since I need a crowbar as well anyway, and a few other things. But for tonight, I do not think I will need it.
Later or good night, Caroline.
It is something.
.
.
Not being able to sleep, yet having a difficult time getting to anything, I finally pushed and took a shower. Then I went out and tore the pallet of plywood and roofing underlay apart, stacking them in the garage. I then grabbed the pallet of steel roofing and, whole, moved it into the garage. I was not sure I was going to be able to do that. Once the pallet of wood sheets was released, it was easy enough to handle sheet by sheet, but even in good times I was a bit doubtful about the steel roofing pallet, since I really did not want it taken apart (I think I had reasons not to do so... I think). My muscles have been hurting. My legs and arms have been cramping, I would guess from the lack of use and the constant position of either being in my chair at the computer, on the couch, or in bed for the last... week? two weeks? In any case, and oddly, I had zero problems doing any of the work. And, while I was out I thought I would back the X into the garage now that it is clear to do so. Then, once in the vehicle, I decided to check my mail. Hey, almost a work bonanza!
I received a report from the V.A. My doc, at our last visit, had prescribed some diabetes medicine. In the mail I found that medicine and some other medication as well as a letter, the report. It seems my diabetes is being controlled through diet! My A1C is 6.3. However, my potassium is very low, so low that the doc has prescribed pills for that. There seems to be some other problem as well. Something about creatinine creeping up and "mod microalb". Creatinine deals with kidneys, higher levels are risks for failure. But "mod micralb" I have not really been able to nail down. Now, and again, I will probably see if I can find a munchable way to add potassium, as, well, I hate taking anything. Further, I have doubts about the bodies ability to utilize raw vitamins and minerals. The rest will just have to be suffered through. No medicine past my lips will go.
I am planning to drive to SLC today. I may try to rest some yet this morning. I hope to leave here, or Logan, by 11:00, but even when life is good that is often... negotiable. It is a plan until my feet hit the floor, my butt gets planted in the seat, and I feel vent in my face. Then it is usually called 'late'. I am a man, it is how some subsection of us operate.
Anyway, I was pleased that I was able to do the little bits that were done. And, in the middle of the night the only one to tell was... Blogger.
Update: (already) Uh-oh... looks like I may HAVE to take the potassium. If it were not a major item, I would not worry about it. But it is vital for the heart to function, among other things. The problem with simply eating more potassium is that I already am eating everything they recommend at the top of their list, two gallons of milk a week, several potatoes with the skins, cheese, cottage cheese, and sour cream by the albeit small buckets, beans by the ton, and a decent amount of beef and pork, if I do miss the fruits and vegetables. Everything I eat is on their recommended list of things to eat to add potassium. That is just plain weird.
.
Not being able to sleep, yet having a difficult time getting to anything, I finally pushed and took a shower. Then I went out and tore the pallet of plywood and roofing underlay apart, stacking them in the garage. I then grabbed the pallet of steel roofing and, whole, moved it into the garage. I was not sure I was going to be able to do that. Once the pallet of wood sheets was released, it was easy enough to handle sheet by sheet, but even in good times I was a bit doubtful about the steel roofing pallet, since I really did not want it taken apart (I think I had reasons not to do so... I think). My muscles have been hurting. My legs and arms have been cramping, I would guess from the lack of use and the constant position of either being in my chair at the computer, on the couch, or in bed for the last... week? two weeks? In any case, and oddly, I had zero problems doing any of the work. And, while I was out I thought I would back the X into the garage now that it is clear to do so. Then, once in the vehicle, I decided to check my mail. Hey, almost a work bonanza!
I received a report from the V.A. My doc, at our last visit, had prescribed some diabetes medicine. In the mail I found that medicine and some other medication as well as a letter, the report. It seems my diabetes is being controlled through diet! My A1C is 6.3. However, my potassium is very low, so low that the doc has prescribed pills for that. There seems to be some other problem as well. Something about creatinine creeping up and "mod microalb". Creatinine deals with kidneys, higher levels are risks for failure. But "mod micralb" I have not really been able to nail down. Now, and again, I will probably see if I can find a munchable way to add potassium, as, well, I hate taking anything. Further, I have doubts about the bodies ability to utilize raw vitamins and minerals. The rest will just have to be suffered through. No medicine past my lips will go.
I am planning to drive to SLC today. I may try to rest some yet this morning. I hope to leave here, or Logan, by 11:00, but even when life is good that is often... negotiable. It is a plan until my feet hit the floor, my butt gets planted in the seat, and I feel vent in my face. Then it is usually called 'late'. I am a man, it is how some subsection of us operate.
Anyway, I was pleased that I was able to do the little bits that were done. And, in the middle of the night the only one to tell was... Blogger.
Update: (already) Uh-oh... looks like I may HAVE to take the potassium. If it were not a major item, I would not worry about it. But it is vital for the heart to function, among other things. The problem with simply eating more potassium is that I already am eating everything they recommend at the top of their list, two gallons of milk a week, several potatoes with the skins, cheese, cottage cheese, and sour cream by the albeit small buckets, beans by the ton, and a decent amount of beef and pork, if I do miss the fruits and vegetables. Everything I eat is on their recommended list of things to eat to add potassium. That is just plain weird.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
That did not work either.
.
.
I was up until 10:00. I simply could not get to anything. I then crashed so hard and fast I do not remember fighting the pillow, let alone seeing it. Blindsided I was. I woke around 17:00. I have eaten today. That is it.
Beyond having trouble getting to things, I have been avoiding phone calls. My home (landline) phone rings often, though I discount that completely. I have only ever received calls to the wrong number on it. I will not continue that phone, I will cancel that when the deal is up. I cannot believe I would receive 8 to 10 wrong calls... a DAY! Something is up with that, if I may never know what. I may have suspicions though.
The only phone calls I have been taking are from my mother, rare as those have been. I suspect she had hoped I would take her up on her offer to move here, ostensibly for financial gain on my part. I need no financial assistants, even if a bit shy this month. I see that as a trap. If she wants to move here, she may. But I do not believe she would be a financial boon. I suspect she would be an expense. Which, to a smaller degree, is acceptable. But I will not ask for her help as that would limit my ability to set rules. Her smoking is not permitted, there are culinary difficulties with her, there are certain rules I would lay down, and this would be my home not a shared enterprise. I know if I asked her to come, she would see that as a need, and in need she would see my rules and order as something to be set aside or taken more lightly. I will not abide that. She must surrender to move here. That sounds draconian, and to a degree it is, but I must watch myself in this. I would love to have her, but not without leverage. It is the way of women, or at least her.
Anyway, tonight I took a call from my friend. Seeing that I could not get to SLC by myself, I asked if he would go along tomorrow. Supper would be the prize, something good. Though low on cash, I have enough for supper out for two, the trip, and groceries for the remainder of the month. Having someone going along will help me stay awake. And having someone in on the planning will help make sure the trip happens. I did find out that my push to get him into the doctor who fixed his nose the last time he had that done has worked. He is set for surgery the 19th of next month. This has stopped his blood loss before, several times, and for several years. The doctor saw that the space is now open again, obviously, to allow for bleeding. He thinks that can be fixed quite easily and again. Further, my friend has sinus problems, which need to be cleared regularly due to some disorder or other. Those may be causing some of his severe halitosis. We will see. If that works well, I will remind him to go in once in a while. I think it has been some time since my friend had a friend who steered him to care for himself.
If I can figure out how to get going I will put the supplies up tonight. It is dark but I do have lights and flashlights. Wow what a mess I am in. And yet I keep trying. I have pulled back to the confines of my cranium, and stomach. Sam and Sassy do keep me somewhat more in this realm than the nether of mind and feral corpse though, and their needs are being met well to boot. The funny thing is, like when I was a child and grounded to my bedroom... I am oddly comfortable here. So there is at least that. It is frustrating though, knowing I have all the materials needed to do the roof on the hen house and to construct my reloading station and get that going with enough consumables to reload many bullets, only to find myself frozen. *vapor lock!* I want to TINKER, man. I want to play, dude. I want to work, bud. Still, it is nice to know that in down times caused by my nature or of the greater world around me I can indeed survive, and even thrive in an odd little gimp way, the certainty that there may, often, be little to do.
Heh! I just remembered. When I entered the Navy, in bootcamp, our C.C.s suggested that "nukes" (those who enlisted in the nuke program) were easy to deal with. We were fair minded and capable, only varied with the rules every so slightly and in a gentlemanly way (like figuring out how to obtain and supply chewing tobacco to our cohorts and ourselves in a well planned, group activated, properly executed military manner despite the ban), and could be set aside to entertain ourselves with things as simple as a pencil and rubber band. Heh. The description still fits, in it's own way... maybe even directly? Nah. I do not need a pencil and rubber band anymore... I graduated!
Sorry for the long list of nothing, but such is the way of it. I added that last to let you know that, in spite of some recent darker psychprints written here, I am in good shape for the shape I am in. Those menacing mindscapes are merely thoughts which arise and how I treat them, think about them. Or, to put it in a graduated manner, they are my rubber bands and pencils. Weee! :p
.
I was up until 10:00. I simply could not get to anything. I then crashed so hard and fast I do not remember fighting the pillow, let alone seeing it. Blindsided I was. I woke around 17:00. I have eaten today. That is it.
Beyond having trouble getting to things, I have been avoiding phone calls. My home (landline) phone rings often, though I discount that completely. I have only ever received calls to the wrong number on it. I will not continue that phone, I will cancel that when the deal is up. I cannot believe I would receive 8 to 10 wrong calls... a DAY! Something is up with that, if I may never know what. I may have suspicions though.
The only phone calls I have been taking are from my mother, rare as those have been. I suspect she had hoped I would take her up on her offer to move here, ostensibly for financial gain on my part. I need no financial assistants, even if a bit shy this month. I see that as a trap. If she wants to move here, she may. But I do not believe she would be a financial boon. I suspect she would be an expense. Which, to a smaller degree, is acceptable. But I will not ask for her help as that would limit my ability to set rules. Her smoking is not permitted, there are culinary difficulties with her, there are certain rules I would lay down, and this would be my home not a shared enterprise. I know if I asked her to come, she would see that as a need, and in need she would see my rules and order as something to be set aside or taken more lightly. I will not abide that. She must surrender to move here. That sounds draconian, and to a degree it is, but I must watch myself in this. I would love to have her, but not without leverage. It is the way of women, or at least her.
Anyway, tonight I took a call from my friend. Seeing that I could not get to SLC by myself, I asked if he would go along tomorrow. Supper would be the prize, something good. Though low on cash, I have enough for supper out for two, the trip, and groceries for the remainder of the month. Having someone going along will help me stay awake. And having someone in on the planning will help make sure the trip happens. I did find out that my push to get him into the doctor who fixed his nose the last time he had that done has worked. He is set for surgery the 19th of next month. This has stopped his blood loss before, several times, and for several years. The doctor saw that the space is now open again, obviously, to allow for bleeding. He thinks that can be fixed quite easily and again. Further, my friend has sinus problems, which need to be cleared regularly due to some disorder or other. Those may be causing some of his severe halitosis. We will see. If that works well, I will remind him to go in once in a while. I think it has been some time since my friend had a friend who steered him to care for himself.
If I can figure out how to get going I will put the supplies up tonight. It is dark but I do have lights and flashlights. Wow what a mess I am in. And yet I keep trying. I have pulled back to the confines of my cranium, and stomach. Sam and Sassy do keep me somewhat more in this realm than the nether of mind and feral corpse though, and their needs are being met well to boot. The funny thing is, like when I was a child and grounded to my bedroom... I am oddly comfortable here. So there is at least that. It is frustrating though, knowing I have all the materials needed to do the roof on the hen house and to construct my reloading station and get that going with enough consumables to reload many bullets, only to find myself frozen. *vapor lock!* I want to TINKER, man. I want to play, dude. I want to work, bud. Still, it is nice to know that in down times caused by my nature or of the greater world around me I can indeed survive, and even thrive in an odd little gimp way, the certainty that there may, often, be little to do.
Heh! I just remembered. When I entered the Navy, in bootcamp, our C.C.s suggested that "nukes" (those who enlisted in the nuke program) were easy to deal with. We were fair minded and capable, only varied with the rules every so slightly and in a gentlemanly way (like figuring out how to obtain and supply chewing tobacco to our cohorts and ourselves in a well planned, group activated, properly executed military manner despite the ban), and could be set aside to entertain ourselves with things as simple as a pencil and rubber band. Heh. The description still fits, in it's own way... maybe even directly? Nah. I do not need a pencil and rubber band anymore... I graduated!
Sorry for the long list of nothing, but such is the way of it. I added that last to let you know that, in spite of some recent darker psychprints written here, I am in good shape for the shape I am in. Those menacing mindscapes are merely thoughts which arise and how I treat them, think about them. Or, to put it in a graduated manner, they are my rubber bands and pencils. Weee! :p
Hmm, that did not work.
.
.
Ah well, I am sure, in time, it will. I gave it a grand effort, laying quietly and still for 3 hours. With sleep nowhere on the horizon, I decided to read. Vox's book on economics has been completed. I should actually just say it has been read. His is a type of book where, once read, it is only a beginning. I would like to read more about the various schools of economics. We do have a library here, and with inter-library trading possible, I might just be able to find some of the references given.
My notions are that the book is accurate, clear, and I can see a strong potential for the prognostication offered. Having said that, I will then say that my grasp of economics is more based on how I view the world rather than any specific knowledge of economics, having only taken one course in microeconomics, a lower level course at that. Though the only difference between upper and lower level economics is the use of calculus in one and not in the other. Natural orders cannot be upended by the devices of men. A boom cannot exist into perpetuity. Things of that sort form my basics in reason, world-view, and even religion. Engineering, from what I have seen of it, seems to bear this out (sometimes by ignoring theory, albeit). Then again, maybe I just missed something in some of the theory too. That stuff can make even the most interested student a bit cross-eyed.
Beyond this, my mind has flittered from economics and the future to women. Even in my sad current state it is good to know I am a healthy man, if only in mind. I would worry more over not thinking of women than not thinking of food! That reminds me, I am hungry. Back to it. I keep seeing the deep divisions between men and women. Honestly, I think this exactly as it was meant to be though that is not the point of my consideration. And I have covered my versions of what has gone wrong on the part of women, law, and such. What I was thinking about tonight is the problem with men. Mostly, our expectations.
I do not think most men have a high expectation of a woman, a wife. What we have is a mistaken notion of what to expect. What we want from women often cannot be had because women are not what we think. Much like, say, a kitten. If I had only seen a kitten in a cage, only perhaps petted it slightly before obtaining the creature, and had never had one in my home, I would be surprised and perhaps horrified by the creature once in my home. They claw, they bite, and they either do not know or care what no means! Hmmm, I do not even think I sidetracked with that corollary!
I am not sure what women are and I have had a few in my home or have otherwise lived with them. I do not think I am supposed to know either. However, a little familiarity with the species has allowed me some insight. Women might have honor, respect, and bravery, but these things are so different from how a man perceives them that they seem to not have them at all. I have never understood how a woman can call herself honest and fib every other sentence? I think in this case, it means she is suggesting she is faithful. Women are not mechanically inclined if they may want to do something themselves anyway. They are emotional rather than logical, and even if logic oriented or trained can lose that in a heartbeat.
I think men have expectations that cannot be fulfilled by women. I think that this problem is further exacerbated by a world which is trying to live the lie that men and women are equal and really the same except for genitalia. Though, I think part of that latter problem is a problem women have more than men as most men do not buy that. Tinkerbells, pretty boys, and the like need not apply to the men club.
Sassy is enjoying her day already. Thankfully she is still too small to reach some places. Sam, if she still play hates Sassy, is sort of becoming attached to the furry pest too. To get Sam to come in, I have to put Sassy away in the bedroom. If I forget Sassy, Sassy is like I was when grounded to my room... in heaven. Sam, however, looks all over the house, behind the couches, in the kitchen, and comes to me to see if I have her tucked away. Then meows or taps me, at which time I let Sassy out, Sam bats her and chases and runs from her, then finds a highly defensible position from whence to ignore the little spitfire. And Sassy has always wanted to get near Sam. The two are almost ignoring poor old pop-o anymore. Ah, but pop-o has teh milcs.
I am going to simply try to stay up. In an hour, if I am still functioning, I will try to get the supplies stored, take a shower, and head to SLC. I am hoping the physical work will brace me for the long drive. It is difficult to drive when this tired, and I am this sleepy pretty much all day every day recently. Wish me luck.
.
Ah well, I am sure, in time, it will. I gave it a grand effort, laying quietly and still for 3 hours. With sleep nowhere on the horizon, I decided to read. Vox's book on economics has been completed. I should actually just say it has been read. His is a type of book where, once read, it is only a beginning. I would like to read more about the various schools of economics. We do have a library here, and with inter-library trading possible, I might just be able to find some of the references given.
My notions are that the book is accurate, clear, and I can see a strong potential for the prognostication offered. Having said that, I will then say that my grasp of economics is more based on how I view the world rather than any specific knowledge of economics, having only taken one course in microeconomics, a lower level course at that. Though the only difference between upper and lower level economics is the use of calculus in one and not in the other. Natural orders cannot be upended by the devices of men. A boom cannot exist into perpetuity. Things of that sort form my basics in reason, world-view, and even religion. Engineering, from what I have seen of it, seems to bear this out (sometimes by ignoring theory, albeit). Then again, maybe I just missed something in some of the theory too. That stuff can make even the most interested student a bit cross-eyed.
Beyond this, my mind has flittered from economics and the future to women. Even in my sad current state it is good to know I am a healthy man, if only in mind. I would worry more over not thinking of women than not thinking of food! That reminds me, I am hungry. Back to it. I keep seeing the deep divisions between men and women. Honestly, I think this exactly as it was meant to be though that is not the point of my consideration. And I have covered my versions of what has gone wrong on the part of women, law, and such. What I was thinking about tonight is the problem with men. Mostly, our expectations.
I do not think most men have a high expectation of a woman, a wife. What we have is a mistaken notion of what to expect. What we want from women often cannot be had because women are not what we think. Much like, say, a kitten. If I had only seen a kitten in a cage, only perhaps petted it slightly before obtaining the creature, and had never had one in my home, I would be surprised and perhaps horrified by the creature once in my home. They claw, they bite, and they either do not know or care what no means! Hmmm, I do not even think I sidetracked with that corollary!
I am not sure what women are and I have had a few in my home or have otherwise lived with them. I do not think I am supposed to know either. However, a little familiarity with the species has allowed me some insight. Women might have honor, respect, and bravery, but these things are so different from how a man perceives them that they seem to not have them at all. I have never understood how a woman can call herself honest and fib every other sentence? I think in this case, it means she is suggesting she is faithful. Women are not mechanically inclined if they may want to do something themselves anyway. They are emotional rather than logical, and even if logic oriented or trained can lose that in a heartbeat.
I think men have expectations that cannot be fulfilled by women. I think that this problem is further exacerbated by a world which is trying to live the lie that men and women are equal and really the same except for genitalia. Though, I think part of that latter problem is a problem women have more than men as most men do not buy that. Tinkerbells, pretty boys, and the like need not apply to the men club.
Sassy is enjoying her day already. Thankfully she is still too small to reach some places. Sam, if she still play hates Sassy, is sort of becoming attached to the furry pest too. To get Sam to come in, I have to put Sassy away in the bedroom. If I forget Sassy, Sassy is like I was when grounded to my room... in heaven. Sam, however, looks all over the house, behind the couches, in the kitchen, and comes to me to see if I have her tucked away. Then meows or taps me, at which time I let Sassy out, Sam bats her and chases and runs from her, then finds a highly defensible position from whence to ignore the little spitfire. And Sassy has always wanted to get near Sam. The two are almost ignoring poor old pop-o anymore. Ah, but pop-o has teh milcs.
I am going to simply try to stay up. In an hour, if I am still functioning, I will try to get the supplies stored, take a shower, and head to SLC. I am hoping the physical work will brace me for the long drive. It is difficult to drive when this tired, and I am this sleepy pretty much all day every day recently. Wish me luck.
Trying to sleep.
.
.
I will be attempting to sleep early, again. I took several days off, sleeping when it came and waking when that happened. Days? Some time period anyway. But tonight I will go back to that grist mill and see if sleep can be found. It is my great hope to wake early enough to store the building materials properly and then drive to Salt Lake City. I will want to leave here by 12:00, no later than 13:00, in hopes of finding someone who can do the things I need done.
As my mind is trying to close down, a thought came to me. Oh, it is nothing, but I did enjoy it.
While thinking about people who cannot countenance certain notions... must they incontinence the options?
Now that was some good poop. I had no control! Oh fine, I will leave and bid thee a good night.
.
I will be attempting to sleep early, again. I took several days off, sleeping when it came and waking when that happened. Days? Some time period anyway. But tonight I will go back to that grist mill and see if sleep can be found. It is my great hope to wake early enough to store the building materials properly and then drive to Salt Lake City. I will want to leave here by 12:00, no later than 13:00, in hopes of finding someone who can do the things I need done.
As my mind is trying to close down, a thought came to me. Oh, it is nothing, but I did enjoy it.
While thinking about people who cannot countenance certain notions... must they incontinence the options?
Now that was some good poop. I had no control! Oh fine, I will leave and bid thee a good night.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Republican promises.
.
.
I do not know who wrote the thing, the 21 page propaganda piece, though I am guessing some on the left have left the sinking ship they were on and have been hired for consultations? I read through it, roughly. The ideas seem, mostly, to be Republican as much as conservative. I liked some of it, as far as it went. But shoveling through more "read my lips" text did not really endear the party to me. How about 4 pages of what will be done. Another 2 pages describing what they will do if they simply do not have the political capital to do what they want in the first 4 pages. KISS, keep it simple, stupid.
I was hoping for something I could print and cozy up to as the election draws near. But no, I have more of the same rhetoric. KISS really works, complicated is what got us into this mess. All I want is for an implosion of government involvement in my, and every other American's life. I want a smaller, weaker, and to a degree stupider government. Smarts do not fair well. Stupid ones which are aware of their lot keep things humble, and mean to.
Beyond government size and influence, cut taxes, cut spending, take up the mantle of the super power we are and do what we must with it, keep our friends close and our enemies closer (without risking our lives), end quotas, end the social experiments regarding family and religion through taxation, relinquish schools to local control which means ending even state school boards, end academic financial support at the higher levels, pull back the FDA and EPA... A simple list would do well. Then keep those promises. I saw too much, if, when, should we be able... Either do or do not.
I grumble. Later.
.
I do not know who wrote the thing, the 21 page propaganda piece, though I am guessing some on the left have left the sinking ship they were on and have been hired for consultations? I read through it, roughly. The ideas seem, mostly, to be Republican as much as conservative. I liked some of it, as far as it went. But shoveling through more "read my lips" text did not really endear the party to me. How about 4 pages of what will be done. Another 2 pages describing what they will do if they simply do not have the political capital to do what they want in the first 4 pages. KISS, keep it simple, stupid.
I was hoping for something I could print and cozy up to as the election draws near. But no, I have more of the same rhetoric. KISS really works, complicated is what got us into this mess. All I want is for an implosion of government involvement in my, and every other American's life. I want a smaller, weaker, and to a degree stupider government. Smarts do not fair well. Stupid ones which are aware of their lot keep things humble, and mean to.
Beyond government size and influence, cut taxes, cut spending, take up the mantle of the super power we are and do what we must with it, keep our friends close and our enemies closer (without risking our lives), end quotas, end the social experiments regarding family and religion through taxation, relinquish schools to local control which means ending even state school boards, end academic financial support at the higher levels, pull back the FDA and EPA... A simple list would do well. Then keep those promises. I saw too much, if, when, should we be able... Either do or do not.
I grumble. Later.
Shame.
.
.
As I sit here, figuring out how to even do a few menial tasks, the word resonates with my situation. What triggered the thought was a television show. A boy, exposed by his brother, as having trouble with wetting the bed, kills his brother. The part was well played, I would know. Of course, from there, the seed grows and shame is viewed from many angles, times in my life, and on to shame others must bear.
No, I no longer wet the bed! Shame on you for even thinking such. I cannot be certain when it began, though it started about the time my beautiful babysitter waltzed me into sexuality. So, by 5, I was having this problem. In spite of the possible correlation to molestation, I do not think the two were related other than by time. I remember the many ways adults attempted to correct the behavior. Gifts were given for successfully not wetting the bed and punishments of various sorts were meted out for failures. The worst of the punishment was shame. To include having my sheets hung out my window as a teen.
Beyond the punishment was the knowledge that I could not spend nights at friends' homes. I had to be careful on camping trips and so quit the boy scouts. In it's time, bed wetting was a huge thing in my life. So, when I watched the boy who killed his brother, poor acting would have been noted. I even suspect, had just one thing been different, that boy could have been me. What that one thing is perhaps I will never know. To say that I was angry at many people, years later, when I came to know that because I was growing at an accelerated rate, I probably had little control, is an understatement. By 12 I was already 6'4", at which point I quit growing. I had size 12/13 feet and wore extra large mens' gloves, if too I weighed only 142 pounds. My organs, it seems, the bladder in particular, had no way to keep up with my growth. Starting out, so I am told, at 2 foot tall at birth (is that right, but it is what I was told), that leaves 4 feet and 6 inches spread over 12 years of growth. That is over 4 inches average per year, and about on target.
So, when I consider the other parts of my life which have caused the most deep and bitter shame, I certainly look at back door possibilities. How much of the shame, in essence, is mine. How much of the situation was the best option in a terrible situation? How much of it is due to simply being where I was without fault. And how much of that bitter apple did I see, take, and eat? That leaves plenty of shame, however. Further, even mitigating factors only offer a slight salve.
As I sit, today, in my crippled state, trying to figure out how to do what any normal man would simply have done, I have shame. It is a great shame. And, as I think on the thing, I am still unsure. Even if it is conditional, like the bladder, and not fully in my control, I realize that does not always matter. At least emotionally, and currently. Shame, like guilt, avarice, jealousy, hate, and others are not part of the thinking and logical. It, and they, can only possibly be dealt with using those parts. And, even using those parts, one may never know the truth about themselves in all situations. Such as the situation I am in.
I do wonder if those touched by shame are blessed or cursed. To be sure, I have met a few who seem to have no shame. Though none of those have ever killed to my knowledge, I would guess that such a thing would not have bothered them. As well, I am more sure from having met them that I much prefer my situation to theirs. Perhaps it is an oversensitivity which makes some not only aware of what is shameful, but more prone to it's effects. How one is raised also should be considered. I also wonder if people who know shame are weakened by too close or frequent a walk with that attribute or sensation. I cannot be sure, though I can suspect. As for me, to a greater degree, I have found a place to put shame, most of the time and when I realize it. I think most people, as was my old habit, forget it as quickly as possible and move on, hoping the thing will stay in the past. That is where danger lies. Not just murder, but suicide comes from a sudden realization of all the collected shame. The less dramatic effects can include leading a self-destructive life (both consciously and not), choosing poorly to avoid facing the various shames, and other little bits that lead to unhappiness, the real unhappiness.
Though I still bear shame, and will until I die and then some, if I am correct and before forgiveness can take place, I do have a means of treating the poison. I can slow it, sometimes stop it. Knowledge may help, though even knowing it was a bladder size problem only helped after years, maybe a decade. Owning it and handing it to my stated authority as reverently as any other gift I might offer is the major method. The trick to handing it in is making sure it is mine in the first place, thus my contemplation. I would no more hand in false suffering than fake money. There is one final method. That is action. Sometimes, figuring my way out of the box, I am able to tend that which needs attention.
The sad thing is that I know I live in a world where few have any method at all. I live in a world where people are shameful and shamed by it, waiting to combust with it and do almost anything. Like people on fire, literally, how any one may react when their shame and their conscious mind collide is... unknown, perhaps unknowable. But terrible things have come from not dealing with shame. As for me, though I have methods of caring for my shame, that is an ongoing process. Yeah, it's... uhrm... it's in the mail.
.
As I sit here, figuring out how to even do a few menial tasks, the word resonates with my situation. What triggered the thought was a television show. A boy, exposed by his brother, as having trouble with wetting the bed, kills his brother. The part was well played, I would know. Of course, from there, the seed grows and shame is viewed from many angles, times in my life, and on to shame others must bear.
No, I no longer wet the bed! Shame on you for even thinking such. I cannot be certain when it began, though it started about the time my beautiful babysitter waltzed me into sexuality. So, by 5, I was having this problem. In spite of the possible correlation to molestation, I do not think the two were related other than by time. I remember the many ways adults attempted to correct the behavior. Gifts were given for successfully not wetting the bed and punishments of various sorts were meted out for failures. The worst of the punishment was shame. To include having my sheets hung out my window as a teen.
Beyond the punishment was the knowledge that I could not spend nights at friends' homes. I had to be careful on camping trips and so quit the boy scouts. In it's time, bed wetting was a huge thing in my life. So, when I watched the boy who killed his brother, poor acting would have been noted. I even suspect, had just one thing been different, that boy could have been me. What that one thing is perhaps I will never know. To say that I was angry at many people, years later, when I came to know that because I was growing at an accelerated rate, I probably had little control, is an understatement. By 12 I was already 6'4", at which point I quit growing. I had size 12/13 feet and wore extra large mens' gloves, if too I weighed only 142 pounds. My organs, it seems, the bladder in particular, had no way to keep up with my growth. Starting out, so I am told, at 2 foot tall at birth (is that right, but it is what I was told), that leaves 4 feet and 6 inches spread over 12 years of growth. That is over 4 inches average per year, and about on target.
So, when I consider the other parts of my life which have caused the most deep and bitter shame, I certainly look at back door possibilities. How much of the shame, in essence, is mine. How much of the situation was the best option in a terrible situation? How much of it is due to simply being where I was without fault. And how much of that bitter apple did I see, take, and eat? That leaves plenty of shame, however. Further, even mitigating factors only offer a slight salve.
As I sit, today, in my crippled state, trying to figure out how to do what any normal man would simply have done, I have shame. It is a great shame. And, as I think on the thing, I am still unsure. Even if it is conditional, like the bladder, and not fully in my control, I realize that does not always matter. At least emotionally, and currently. Shame, like guilt, avarice, jealousy, hate, and others are not part of the thinking and logical. It, and they, can only possibly be dealt with using those parts. And, even using those parts, one may never know the truth about themselves in all situations. Such as the situation I am in.
I do wonder if those touched by shame are blessed or cursed. To be sure, I have met a few who seem to have no shame. Though none of those have ever killed to my knowledge, I would guess that such a thing would not have bothered them. As well, I am more sure from having met them that I much prefer my situation to theirs. Perhaps it is an oversensitivity which makes some not only aware of what is shameful, but more prone to it's effects. How one is raised also should be considered. I also wonder if people who know shame are weakened by too close or frequent a walk with that attribute or sensation. I cannot be sure, though I can suspect. As for me, to a greater degree, I have found a place to put shame, most of the time and when I realize it. I think most people, as was my old habit, forget it as quickly as possible and move on, hoping the thing will stay in the past. That is where danger lies. Not just murder, but suicide comes from a sudden realization of all the collected shame. The less dramatic effects can include leading a self-destructive life (both consciously and not), choosing poorly to avoid facing the various shames, and other little bits that lead to unhappiness, the real unhappiness.
Though I still bear shame, and will until I die and then some, if I am correct and before forgiveness can take place, I do have a means of treating the poison. I can slow it, sometimes stop it. Knowledge may help, though even knowing it was a bladder size problem only helped after years, maybe a decade. Owning it and handing it to my stated authority as reverently as any other gift I might offer is the major method. The trick to handing it in is making sure it is mine in the first place, thus my contemplation. I would no more hand in false suffering than fake money. There is one final method. That is action. Sometimes, figuring my way out of the box, I am able to tend that which needs attention.
The sad thing is that I know I live in a world where few have any method at all. I live in a world where people are shameful and shamed by it, waiting to combust with it and do almost anything. Like people on fire, literally, how any one may react when their shame and their conscious mind collide is... unknown, perhaps unknowable. But terrible things have come from not dealing with shame. As for me, though I have methods of caring for my shame, that is an ongoing process. Yeah, it's... uhrm... it's in the mail.
No planning.
.
.
I was, sort of, awake by 8:00. Not up and about, but roughly aware, or so I hoped. I did not want to miss the phone call and I had no idea when it would happen. I was hoping to get a call early and have some sort of scheduling capacity at that time. That did not happen. I received the call at 10:00, give or take 45 minutes, my mind even several hours later still fuzzy with sleepiness. They had the address wrong, he was down the street and there was no house with my address. No planning here at all. Out of bed, into jeans and a shirt, and out the door I went. Quite a load of stuff. Not all that heavy, but enough. It sits, I wonder when and how I can figure this stuff out.
I need to figure out how to store the stuff for now. The crowbar I used to have is no longer in my possession. That is one of the unquestionably needed tools for the work. I searched yesterday and could not find it. The rest of the tools are good and are waiting for the job. Until the purchase of another crow bar and the completion of the tear-down, the materials have to be stored. It will happen, just, not quickly. Tomorrow I need to travel. Perhaps this weekend will see to much or all of it. But the materials have to be moved. I keep the X garaged, for many reasons, and will keep to that.
Blathering, planning, call it what you will. A little more sleep, however, before anything else can get done. Later.
.
I was, sort of, awake by 8:00. Not up and about, but roughly aware, or so I hoped. I did not want to miss the phone call and I had no idea when it would happen. I was hoping to get a call early and have some sort of scheduling capacity at that time. That did not happen. I received the call at 10:00, give or take 45 minutes, my mind even several hours later still fuzzy with sleepiness. They had the address wrong, he was down the street and there was no house with my address. No planning here at all. Out of bed, into jeans and a shirt, and out the door I went. Quite a load of stuff. Not all that heavy, but enough. It sits, I wonder when and how I can figure this stuff out.
I need to figure out how to store the stuff for now. The crowbar I used to have is no longer in my possession. That is one of the unquestionably needed tools for the work. I searched yesterday and could not find it. The rest of the tools are good and are waiting for the job. Until the purchase of another crow bar and the completion of the tear-down, the materials have to be stored. It will happen, just, not quickly. Tomorrow I need to travel. Perhaps this weekend will see to much or all of it. But the materials have to be moved. I keep the X garaged, for many reasons, and will keep to that.
Blathering, planning, call it what you will. A little more sleep, however, before anything else can get done. Later.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Nothing was done today.
.
.
I woke at about 10:00 but knew I would simply have a miserable day if I stayed awake. Now, that in itself is not really a problem. However, still being on a low ebb, this would do no good and would probably end up messing my schedule up further, if that is possible. Oh, wait, it is. Though I am sleeping till mid-afternoon I am at least having a single if long day and a single night (sleep period). That, to be sure, is a vast improvement over getting lost with two even three days within days so that making an appointment is akin to playing darts through a wind tunnel. Still, that I woke at 10:00 with enough gumption to actually potentially make it through the day was a sign of hope.
I took care of the kitty litter, though I realized as I finished that I had probably done that yesterday. Oh well. I would rather have those areas cleaner than not. The felines thank me by not smelling awful as well. Though I think Sassy needs another bath, she will learn I hope. If I smell too much kitty litter on their paws when they wish to snuggle, I realize they are having to dig a bit much, probably due to the boxes being too full. Every other day cleaning and that never occurs. I would guess I could go three days, but prefer two days as a chore type thing.
I will be cooking more beans tonight, and maybe rice. I, again, soaked too many beans. As such, I was only able to cook half of them. Which is fine. I put the uncooked half in the refrigerator still in soak. Further, I cleaned the kitchen again after finishing the cooking of the beans that did get finished. I guess I would rather leave a clean kitchen than to cook so much that there is no time to clean up... if the option is available.
An update to eating beans and rice: Though I do enjoy beans and rice or millet, I must admit that it would be an imposition to live on that for a long period of time. Even adding brots, other pork, or chicken does little to add "life" to the food. It is said that these foods will do, I am suspecting otherwise, in the long term. Even with a garden, which is quite seasonal, and hunted meats, living on these items will lead to a much reduced span of life. Illness and disease, assuming they are not terminal, will be much more difficult to recover after. What I have found that adds a lot of life to beans is simple ground beef. Steak does not do it either, oddly. Ground beef simply does something to the mix. Rice, while theoretically adding enough to beans to produce a whole protein mix necessary for survival is truly only a filler. With beans alone, it is a seemingly hollow one to my palate. With beef, rice, and beans, it is much better but still a noticeable filler. That is my assessment. And though I will continue to eat on beans and rice, due to their low cost and the notion of them, I will certainly add beef as I can, if too more as a rare treat than as a standard additive.
An update regarding the water softener and the reverse osmosis system: I have been greatly enjoying both systems. My mother, in a recent conversation, suggested that I purchase Calgon as a washing machine additive. While in the store I reviewed the label. I have no need of it as it merely, yep, softens water allowing for a better cleaning. I have not told my mother this, yet, but will soon. (just did) As well, I have not had dry, itchy, flaky skin, I am pretty sure I am less susceptible to infections, and I end up cleaner after showers. The drinking water is fantastic. I will not say the city water even tasted bad before the reverse osmosis system, only that it is better tasting now. I had been buying bottled water. While that worked, it is both an expensive and strategically complicated manner of getting purer water. I now cook, every time, with r.o. water. Does it make a difference? Not to my conscious knowledge but I like the idea. Further, assuming water still runs or I am able to build a well, and with the use of solar energy as I do not think wind would work here, these systems will still be good in bad days... up to a point. But then, who can prep for every eventuality. Even a well can go bad.
I did not get to the roof today. I am hoping to do so tomorrow. I will gather what tools I think I will need this evening, while cooking the last of the beans and the rice. I will set out my work clothes as well. I hope, when they call about delivery, to hear the call and set that up for sometime in the afternoon if possible. If the call wakes me well enough, I am hoping to get started waking up, and then on to the tear-down unless delivery will be immediate. At which point I will simply have to hop and jump and be ready for that.
The day after that I HAVE to figure out how to get to Salt Lake City. I have to get up early. I am running out of month to deal with property and auto tax, at which point I run into other problems. Problems I do not need and cannot afford, even in this next month. I will need to take careful steps in the next few months to get seen done what has to be done. Further, I need to have a few dollars stored for a few other things in the more medium term. Adding to that, I still think I need to begin putting up millet, beans, rice, dry milk, and such. Though I have not created a purchase schedule for those things, the notion is still on the books.
I have pulled back from most activities. It was less a choice than a matter of happenstance. I have lost track and control, energy is down, my sleep schedule is troubled, and I am running on pennies. We will see with another otc sleep remedy. While speaking with my mother, she suggested vitamin D and another, though she suggested I look them up online. Something to help settle the troubles caused while losing the sun to the cool and cold seasons. I would also like to figure out how to get the sunlamp situated and configured in my bedroom. I may actually set forth to research and then try some of that daylight replacement goop. Gah but I hate taking stuff. I may not need D considering I drink nearly 2 gallons of whole milk a week. Love that stuff.
Oh, I still give the felines milk, if quite a bit less. Sam only gets milk after she is indoors for at least an hour, or she has a greater likelihood of emesis. Still, I try to give them between one and two tablespoons a day. Why? Well, since they have no weight problems with their food out, I do not want to restrict it. That would just be one more thing to do, one more hassle with them (darned feline populism!), and just does not seem necessary. Yet, by offering milk once in a while, I become a hero to them. And, yes, it is good. Plus they are blessedly good beggars and I am a sucker for teh kittehs.
Later.
.
I woke at about 10:00 but knew I would simply have a miserable day if I stayed awake. Now, that in itself is not really a problem. However, still being on a low ebb, this would do no good and would probably end up messing my schedule up further, if that is possible. Oh, wait, it is. Though I am sleeping till mid-afternoon I am at least having a single if long day and a single night (sleep period). That, to be sure, is a vast improvement over getting lost with two even three days within days so that making an appointment is akin to playing darts through a wind tunnel. Still, that I woke at 10:00 with enough gumption to actually potentially make it through the day was a sign of hope.
I took care of the kitty litter, though I realized as I finished that I had probably done that yesterday. Oh well. I would rather have those areas cleaner than not. The felines thank me by not smelling awful as well. Though I think Sassy needs another bath, she will learn I hope. If I smell too much kitty litter on their paws when they wish to snuggle, I realize they are having to dig a bit much, probably due to the boxes being too full. Every other day cleaning and that never occurs. I would guess I could go three days, but prefer two days as a chore type thing.
I will be cooking more beans tonight, and maybe rice. I, again, soaked too many beans. As such, I was only able to cook half of them. Which is fine. I put the uncooked half in the refrigerator still in soak. Further, I cleaned the kitchen again after finishing the cooking of the beans that did get finished. I guess I would rather leave a clean kitchen than to cook so much that there is no time to clean up... if the option is available.
An update to eating beans and rice: Though I do enjoy beans and rice or millet, I must admit that it would be an imposition to live on that for a long period of time. Even adding brots, other pork, or chicken does little to add "life" to the food. It is said that these foods will do, I am suspecting otherwise, in the long term. Even with a garden, which is quite seasonal, and hunted meats, living on these items will lead to a much reduced span of life. Illness and disease, assuming they are not terminal, will be much more difficult to recover after. What I have found that adds a lot of life to beans is simple ground beef. Steak does not do it either, oddly. Ground beef simply does something to the mix. Rice, while theoretically adding enough to beans to produce a whole protein mix necessary for survival is truly only a filler. With beans alone, it is a seemingly hollow one to my palate. With beef, rice, and beans, it is much better but still a noticeable filler. That is my assessment. And though I will continue to eat on beans and rice, due to their low cost and the notion of them, I will certainly add beef as I can, if too more as a rare treat than as a standard additive.
An update regarding the water softener and the reverse osmosis system: I have been greatly enjoying both systems. My mother, in a recent conversation, suggested that I purchase Calgon as a washing machine additive. While in the store I reviewed the label. I have no need of it as it merely, yep, softens water allowing for a better cleaning. I have not told my mother this, yet, but will soon. (just did) As well, I have not had dry, itchy, flaky skin, I am pretty sure I am less susceptible to infections, and I end up cleaner after showers. The drinking water is fantastic. I will not say the city water even tasted bad before the reverse osmosis system, only that it is better tasting now. I had been buying bottled water. While that worked, it is both an expensive and strategically complicated manner of getting purer water. I now cook, every time, with r.o. water. Does it make a difference? Not to my conscious knowledge but I like the idea. Further, assuming water still runs or I am able to build a well, and with the use of solar energy as I do not think wind would work here, these systems will still be good in bad days... up to a point. But then, who can prep for every eventuality. Even a well can go bad.
I did not get to the roof today. I am hoping to do so tomorrow. I will gather what tools I think I will need this evening, while cooking the last of the beans and the rice. I will set out my work clothes as well. I hope, when they call about delivery, to hear the call and set that up for sometime in the afternoon if possible. If the call wakes me well enough, I am hoping to get started waking up, and then on to the tear-down unless delivery will be immediate. At which point I will simply have to hop and jump and be ready for that.
The day after that I HAVE to figure out how to get to Salt Lake City. I have to get up early. I am running out of month to deal with property and auto tax, at which point I run into other problems. Problems I do not need and cannot afford, even in this next month. I will need to take careful steps in the next few months to get seen done what has to be done. Further, I need to have a few dollars stored for a few other things in the more medium term. Adding to that, I still think I need to begin putting up millet, beans, rice, dry milk, and such. Though I have not created a purchase schedule for those things, the notion is still on the books.
I have pulled back from most activities. It was less a choice than a matter of happenstance. I have lost track and control, energy is down, my sleep schedule is troubled, and I am running on pennies. We will see with another otc sleep remedy. While speaking with my mother, she suggested vitamin D and another, though she suggested I look them up online. Something to help settle the troubles caused while losing the sun to the cool and cold seasons. I would also like to figure out how to get the sunlamp situated and configured in my bedroom. I may actually set forth to research and then try some of that daylight replacement goop. Gah but I hate taking stuff. I may not need D considering I drink nearly 2 gallons of whole milk a week. Love that stuff.
Oh, I still give the felines milk, if quite a bit less. Sam only gets milk after she is indoors for at least an hour, or she has a greater likelihood of emesis. Still, I try to give them between one and two tablespoons a day. Why? Well, since they have no weight problems with their food out, I do not want to restrict it. That would just be one more thing to do, one more hassle with them (darned feline populism!), and just does not seem necessary. Yet, by offering milk once in a while, I become a hero to them. And, yes, it is good. Plus they are blessedly good beggars and I am a sucker for teh kittehs.
Later.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Suicide.
.
.
Not a consideration, to be clear, only the contemplation of the notion. I have tried it and it has been rejected as a solution. There are times when suicide becomes a reasonable solution given a secular understanding of life. Just to reiterate, suicide is not being contemplated except in a very academic manner.
As my world crumbles, chores, task, and business needs become untenable, sleep and wakefulness become chaotic, my mind whirls in a pool of stagnant uncertainty as odd as that may seem, there is a natural creep to investigate suicide. Though I have soundly rejected the notion, at first as a personal pardon to myself after having seriously undertaken that task three times since even condemned men are given release after only two failed attempts at execution, and then bolstered by a faith which has become strong, rich, and even overriding in my life, I can never quite get away from the thought.
In spite of my current level of decay, my mind remains something which I can use. I can write my own tales and visualize them, I can pass back into time and remember the good things in life, and I can think and investigate notions. So, with little else on the menu, my mind has been going over this psychic scar from my long ago life. What is suicide, how does the idea of it settle into my mind, and why would it be a consideration in the first place. I cannot speak to all who have contemplated the notion, I am only one of many. I would strongly guess that my version of the whole failure that is suicide is quite different from many others. I am thinking there are probably 3 to 5 different "schools".
My personal affliction, and why the notion returns, is based in incapacity. I realized, when I deserted, that I was broken beyond repair. I believed it then, beyond any doubt. I knew I would not be able to function in the service any longer. I was pretty sure I could not work. I did not and do not know what is wrong, but like a man who cannot feel his legs and arms, there is something in me that I can no longer sense. It is not the will to work, I enjoy working. It is not a lack of curiosity, I wonder and doubt everything and further, I want to know. In my attempts to entertain work or study, however, I begin to fail. Actually, I fail whether I try to do something or simply try to maintain a simple life. By fail I mean I begin to tick down or up in such a way that I lose control of sleep, grooming, chores, and even coherent memory.
My attempts at suicide were bitter affairs. I did not attempt suicide without thought, without reason. I hated the notion of quitting, of death, and really despised the notion of my own death. I would like to say I wished to maintain honor, status, or something in there akin to those things, though I think the attempts were more related to the shame of the certainty that I was broken. In there as well was a fear of what was to become of me. How would I eat, where would I sleep, and all the rest of the secular mainstream notions about being a proper man confronted me in no uncertain terms. I would not be a criminal, bum, vagabond, or beggar because I was not one. As simple or silly as that may sound.
What does the secular world expect of people who cannot fulfill their duties? The socialist types, of course, want us to stay around as the foothold of their dreamed utopia, the seeds of economic destruction. The medical field loves us, if in a peculiar manner and as long as they only have economic gain concerning us, as we make marvelous living labs. But the working man suggests that we go away as inexpensively, quietly, and quickly as is reasonable. We are a burden to a functional society. Beyond, we are a potent threat to the notion that everything will be okay if you just work hard enough. Actually, I am not sure which is worse.
There is another school, not really one or the other though I think the socialist school is an attempt at a secular version of the third school. This other school accepts that we may be broken and still be wanted in a society. We are not wanted because we offer goods, if we may offering our suffering much like money this is a side issue. Our existence is good and wanted because life is good, even when it might seem otherwise. There is much more to it, but that is a primary notion. Fundamentally, this last school is the one I ended up becoming associated with, which has further strengthened my ability to live.
It took a decade and a bit more to finally begin holding my own against my own "better" notions. I wish there was advice I could offer others. I do not think advice, counseling, or other interventions work when there is a persistent logical secular reason to commit suicide. To get were I am one has to be lucky enough to survive serious attempts at suicide and then begin a religious journey. I do not think anything else works.
The funny thing is, when I hear someone discussing the fact that they hope I never consider suicide again, I am pretty sure if we exchanged shoes I have no doubt about exactly what they would do in my shoes. I actually feel sorry for their lack of understanding. Especially when, right after my assurances that I am through with the notion, they suggest I just go get a job or a hobby or something. They have no idea how strong what they just suggested coupled with inability causes what they just naysayed. Never mind, it is an inside joke only the darkest of humorists will every truly fathom. You do not have to be there, you had to be it.
Yes, the notion still occurs. But only like little fevers after having survived some persistent life threatening disease. It is a reminder that I was once in the throws of something terrible. And, like that little recurring fever, there is nothing life threatening to this. A reminder with teeth, a scar that still bears pain, an understanding of the depth of the illness which took me to such further depths. And, something to write about and share, finally, more fully.
Hmm, hungry now. Thoughts of suicide keep making me think it's time for popcorn! Ah, bugger, I am out. I will find something.
.
Not a consideration, to be clear, only the contemplation of the notion. I have tried it and it has been rejected as a solution. There are times when suicide becomes a reasonable solution given a secular understanding of life. Just to reiterate, suicide is not being contemplated except in a very academic manner.
As my world crumbles, chores, task, and business needs become untenable, sleep and wakefulness become chaotic, my mind whirls in a pool of stagnant uncertainty as odd as that may seem, there is a natural creep to investigate suicide. Though I have soundly rejected the notion, at first as a personal pardon to myself after having seriously undertaken that task three times since even condemned men are given release after only two failed attempts at execution, and then bolstered by a faith which has become strong, rich, and even overriding in my life, I can never quite get away from the thought.
In spite of my current level of decay, my mind remains something which I can use. I can write my own tales and visualize them, I can pass back into time and remember the good things in life, and I can think and investigate notions. So, with little else on the menu, my mind has been going over this psychic scar from my long ago life. What is suicide, how does the idea of it settle into my mind, and why would it be a consideration in the first place. I cannot speak to all who have contemplated the notion, I am only one of many. I would strongly guess that my version of the whole failure that is suicide is quite different from many others. I am thinking there are probably 3 to 5 different "schools".
My personal affliction, and why the notion returns, is based in incapacity. I realized, when I deserted, that I was broken beyond repair. I believed it then, beyond any doubt. I knew I would not be able to function in the service any longer. I was pretty sure I could not work. I did not and do not know what is wrong, but like a man who cannot feel his legs and arms, there is something in me that I can no longer sense. It is not the will to work, I enjoy working. It is not a lack of curiosity, I wonder and doubt everything and further, I want to know. In my attempts to entertain work or study, however, I begin to fail. Actually, I fail whether I try to do something or simply try to maintain a simple life. By fail I mean I begin to tick down or up in such a way that I lose control of sleep, grooming, chores, and even coherent memory.
My attempts at suicide were bitter affairs. I did not attempt suicide without thought, without reason. I hated the notion of quitting, of death, and really despised the notion of my own death. I would like to say I wished to maintain honor, status, or something in there akin to those things, though I think the attempts were more related to the shame of the certainty that I was broken. In there as well was a fear of what was to become of me. How would I eat, where would I sleep, and all the rest of the secular mainstream notions about being a proper man confronted me in no uncertain terms. I would not be a criminal, bum, vagabond, or beggar because I was not one. As simple or silly as that may sound.
What does the secular world expect of people who cannot fulfill their duties? The socialist types, of course, want us to stay around as the foothold of their dreamed utopia, the seeds of economic destruction. The medical field loves us, if in a peculiar manner and as long as they only have economic gain concerning us, as we make marvelous living labs. But the working man suggests that we go away as inexpensively, quietly, and quickly as is reasonable. We are a burden to a functional society. Beyond, we are a potent threat to the notion that everything will be okay if you just work hard enough. Actually, I am not sure which is worse.
There is another school, not really one or the other though I think the socialist school is an attempt at a secular version of the third school. This other school accepts that we may be broken and still be wanted in a society. We are not wanted because we offer goods, if we may offering our suffering much like money this is a side issue. Our existence is good and wanted because life is good, even when it might seem otherwise. There is much more to it, but that is a primary notion. Fundamentally, this last school is the one I ended up becoming associated with, which has further strengthened my ability to live.
It took a decade and a bit more to finally begin holding my own against my own "better" notions. I wish there was advice I could offer others. I do not think advice, counseling, or other interventions work when there is a persistent logical secular reason to commit suicide. To get were I am one has to be lucky enough to survive serious attempts at suicide and then begin a religious journey. I do not think anything else works.
The funny thing is, when I hear someone discussing the fact that they hope I never consider suicide again, I am pretty sure if we exchanged shoes I have no doubt about exactly what they would do in my shoes. I actually feel sorry for their lack of understanding. Especially when, right after my assurances that I am through with the notion, they suggest I just go get a job or a hobby or something. They have no idea how strong what they just suggested coupled with inability causes what they just naysayed. Never mind, it is an inside joke only the darkest of humorists will every truly fathom. You do not have to be there, you had to be it.
Yes, the notion still occurs. But only like little fevers after having survived some persistent life threatening disease. It is a reminder that I was once in the throws of something terrible. And, like that little recurring fever, there is nothing life threatening to this. A reminder with teeth, a scar that still bears pain, an understanding of the depth of the illness which took me to such further depths. And, something to write about and share, finally, more fully.
Hmm, hungry now. Thoughts of suicide keep making me think it's time for popcorn! Ah, bugger, I am out. I will find something.
Well.
.
.
Up and awake and it is only 16:45. Yeah!
I did manage to do a bit of sweeping, this "morning", get a shower in, reconnect my bank access, pre-schedule the delivery of the roofing material (they only set up the day, scheduling the actual delivery on the day selected this time... huh?), and will try to do another piece of business. Of course, with the materials coming, I need to get out and begin the teardown on the roof. I am in a bind, a bad one. Hmm, why do moments like this bring the term cat (stuck) on a hot tin roof to mind? I am unhappy, dancing (in a way), but with no where to go.
I cannot get to that roof today. I have nothing to offer. If I can somehow figure out how to wake up tomorrow, I need to get to Salt Lake City. Though I suppose if that is off the schedule due to continuing sleep problems, I will try to be ready to work on the teardown. Focus, I need that too. And it just is not available. Though whether I lose focus or lose control of sleep first or deeper, or if one is the cause of the other, I may never know. Being aware of the issues, as I am more and more here, I am little more able to affect the outcome. At least so far. At least the chamomile tea is tasty. Oh, wait, some of you had other ideas for over-the-counter sleep remedies... I am taking a cocktail of chamomile tea, melatonin, and valerian root. Is there anything that you find which works better?
Anyway, I will try to wake a bit more. If I can, I might try to hit the roof a bit yet this afternoon or evening. I am set to cook beans, rice, and maybe the last of the millet. I cooked several brots last night which make fine additions to rice, beans, the combination, or do quite well by themselves. I should take something else out of the freezer to cook as well though. I need to start eating better. It is amazing how hard my 'systems' shut down and how quickly. How interactive each component of the failure is. At least I know I was doing everything right when I fell. Food was correct and good, no sugar or other sweets, I was physically somewhat active, I had short and long term plans and was actively working those. Yes, this is simply a disease or illness. Why do I keep needing proof? I suppose it is because I feel that most medical I have encountered are highly skeptical of me having any real condition (besides diabetes and high blood pressure), disregarding my whole medical history before that though and of course. Bah!
Well, later.
.
Up and awake and it is only 16:45. Yeah!
I did manage to do a bit of sweeping, this "morning", get a shower in, reconnect my bank access, pre-schedule the delivery of the roofing material (they only set up the day, scheduling the actual delivery on the day selected this time... huh?), and will try to do another piece of business. Of course, with the materials coming, I need to get out and begin the teardown on the roof. I am in a bind, a bad one. Hmm, why do moments like this bring the term cat (stuck) on a hot tin roof to mind? I am unhappy, dancing (in a way), but with no where to go.
I cannot get to that roof today. I have nothing to offer. If I can somehow figure out how to wake up tomorrow, I need to get to Salt Lake City. Though I suppose if that is off the schedule due to continuing sleep problems, I will try to be ready to work on the teardown. Focus, I need that too. And it just is not available. Though whether I lose focus or lose control of sleep first or deeper, or if one is the cause of the other, I may never know. Being aware of the issues, as I am more and more here, I am little more able to affect the outcome. At least so far. At least the chamomile tea is tasty. Oh, wait, some of you had other ideas for over-the-counter sleep remedies... I am taking a cocktail of chamomile tea, melatonin, and valerian root. Is there anything that you find which works better?
Anyway, I will try to wake a bit more. If I can, I might try to hit the roof a bit yet this afternoon or evening. I am set to cook beans, rice, and maybe the last of the millet. I cooked several brots last night which make fine additions to rice, beans, the combination, or do quite well by themselves. I should take something else out of the freezer to cook as well though. I need to start eating better. It is amazing how hard my 'systems' shut down and how quickly. How interactive each component of the failure is. At least I know I was doing everything right when I fell. Food was correct and good, no sugar or other sweets, I was physically somewhat active, I had short and long term plans and was actively working those. Yes, this is simply a disease or illness. Why do I keep needing proof? I suppose it is because I feel that most medical I have encountered are highly skeptical of me having any real condition (besides diabetes and high blood pressure), disregarding my whole medical history before that though and of course. Bah!
Well, later.
At least somethings were done.
.
.
Sleep is still elusive. The lack of it is bringing headaches and confusion, along with a schedule too skewed to allow for some specific business to be done. I did manage to deal with trash, dishes (after a week pileup), sweeping, the kitchen sum total actually. As well, I have been reading Vox's book.
I will say the material seems coherent and correct. Beyond, it fits my beliefs. And, yes, that is important. As he discussed, economic policy is often based as much upon political (which I count as social to a degree, and as well) considerations as upon the academic or scientific notions of economy and the theories related to it. As well, the Austrian School seems to favor natural realities. Boom and bust are natural events and delaying one or the other only leads to failure compounded by the delay. This, if not social, is naturally observable (to a degree) in all of nature.
Forest fires, long prevented and thwarted through artificial means, burn the hotter and longer for man's interruptions. As well, rivers which man tries to control end up either nearly dying or flooding more severely. Even men trying to control their fellows through various means usually ends up as a disaster. Look to the U.S.S.R. for what happens to people when an attempt to legislate morality occurs. No, natural allowances are the right way, even beyond the social and political considerations. I am sure their are exceptions, though I think these could be handled more surely via legislation than centralized banking, or even through social methods.
Now, one thing I must say, is that my analysis of what I have read to this point is merely a suggestion of a positive result. I will not say that I regard the Austrian School of economics in any better light, in truth, than the other methods which have been employed. (Admitted in the book, and save for socialism in it's many forms, all other forms have been attempted incorrectly.) I lean in favor of the notions written there though. I do see the main problem not necessarily what form of control is attempted, regarding economics, but that control is asserted in the first place.
I see most control methods simply as methods someone uses, for whatever purpose, which end up setting up quick thinkers and insiders for artificial favor. This favor works in the short run, yields gold rush billionaires, and then collapses. The greater, longer, and more universal the control the harder the fall. I am only a bit past half way through the book so I have yet to see what is going to be prescribed, proscribed, and predicted.
Now, however, I am getting a much better idea of what D.C. is always yammering on about. (no offense intended, as I am in at least partial agreement, if I do not tend to yammer on (on that point, though I have many other points)) And, if the time involved is a key to the fall, then the fall would by necessity be huge. What is worse is that the government has been involved in other related, if still quite separate areas which directly and indirectly affect the economy, like civil service unions coupled with the explosion of government workers, attempts at socially engineering the types and forms of business in the U.S. (thus abroad), and all of the social programs which have been enjoyed by the few paid by the many and have well and truly run out of "the many", along with many other facets which all must lead to a fall. Even if Vox's assessments were incorrect, these things are set to explode together or separately and without fail to the economic woe of the whole world. Yeah, okay, yammer on.
Still, I would rather sleep. :p
Good night, I think, Ilien. I owe you much you tipsy dame.
.
Sleep is still elusive. The lack of it is bringing headaches and confusion, along with a schedule too skewed to allow for some specific business to be done. I did manage to deal with trash, dishes (after a week pileup), sweeping, the kitchen sum total actually. As well, I have been reading Vox's book.
I will say the material seems coherent and correct. Beyond, it fits my beliefs. And, yes, that is important. As he discussed, economic policy is often based as much upon political (which I count as social to a degree, and as well) considerations as upon the academic or scientific notions of economy and the theories related to it. As well, the Austrian School seems to favor natural realities. Boom and bust are natural events and delaying one or the other only leads to failure compounded by the delay. This, if not social, is naturally observable (to a degree) in all of nature.
Forest fires, long prevented and thwarted through artificial means, burn the hotter and longer for man's interruptions. As well, rivers which man tries to control end up either nearly dying or flooding more severely. Even men trying to control their fellows through various means usually ends up as a disaster. Look to the U.S.S.R. for what happens to people when an attempt to legislate morality occurs. No, natural allowances are the right way, even beyond the social and political considerations. I am sure their are exceptions, though I think these could be handled more surely via legislation than centralized banking, or even through social methods.
Now, one thing I must say, is that my analysis of what I have read to this point is merely a suggestion of a positive result. I will not say that I regard the Austrian School of economics in any better light, in truth, than the other methods which have been employed. (Admitted in the book, and save for socialism in it's many forms, all other forms have been attempted incorrectly.) I lean in favor of the notions written there though. I do see the main problem not necessarily what form of control is attempted, regarding economics, but that control is asserted in the first place.
I see most control methods simply as methods someone uses, for whatever purpose, which end up setting up quick thinkers and insiders for artificial favor. This favor works in the short run, yields gold rush billionaires, and then collapses. The greater, longer, and more universal the control the harder the fall. I am only a bit past half way through the book so I have yet to see what is going to be prescribed, proscribed, and predicted.
Now, however, I am getting a much better idea of what D.C. is always yammering on about. (no offense intended, as I am in at least partial agreement, if I do not tend to yammer on (on that point, though I have many other points)) And, if the time involved is a key to the fall, then the fall would by necessity be huge. What is worse is that the government has been involved in other related, if still quite separate areas which directly and indirectly affect the economy, like civil service unions coupled with the explosion of government workers, attempts at socially engineering the types and forms of business in the U.S. (thus abroad), and all of the social programs which have been enjoyed by the few paid by the many and have well and truly run out of "the many", along with many other facets which all must lead to a fall. Even if Vox's assessments were incorrect, these things are set to explode together or separately and without fail to the economic woe of the whole world. Yeah, okay, yammer on.
Still, I would rather sleep. :p
Good night, I think, Ilien. I owe you much you tipsy dame.
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