.
.
Such a simple item. A grain, probably developed thousands of years ago or more, I would only assume from some grass. I do not really have an interest in that history, the biology (such as it is) surrounding the natural and modified state of the grain, or any of that. I, simply put, have no interest. What does interest me is the grain as a food.
I cooked a batch recently, as my kitchen is actually starting to resemble a kitchen again. A few days on that feed bag has seen me to being fed, being rightly full, and having normalized bowl movements. Now, I use whole grain rice. White is fine for some but I always feel hungry after eating white rice. Which, to me, was a clue. It is also part of the reason I am trying to switch to whole grain pasta, same same. McDonald's food can allow me to function in a g.i. way, but why not do that with rice and hugely fewer calories? Not only does whole grain do all these things, but it truly takes care of my hunger with quite a bit less product. I need 3k calories from McDonalds to do what 200 or 300 calories of brown rice can do. If nothing else, compare prices, look at long term health issues, and there you go.
No, I will never quit McDonald's food. I will simply use it as a treat... for getting off my butt and into town, for doing something right, and even then only a few times a month. Plus, that treat will have to share the spot with my favorite Mexican restaurant and my favorite steak house. Given my wallet issues, treats of all sorts will be slim. It is not about not enjoying foods, it is about not only eating to enjoy, or even eating just for volume. I cannot even quite say that, because I love my rice and beans, if I cannot eat it in volume as it is quite filling.
If you want it on, eat the stuff that turns it on. If you are lost, listen. This stuff is not just good for you, it is good. You might have to get used to it, but once you do, you will understand. Consider it medicine, until you realize it is not. Yes, a plug. But it is a non-commercial plug. You can get whole grain foods at any store, and possibly even grow it yourself should you have the time, inclination, land, and such. And the plug is as much for you, the reader, as it is for proper foods. I am dying. I am dying fast. Nothing, at this point, will change it. But I want to die doing the right things anyway.
In the Navy, my nickname was Madonna. It 'gingles' with another of my names and was based on the fact that I was tight. Tons of double entendres going on there, and no I am not even close to gay. But I ran things as well as dictators are supposed to run things but in an ideal way. I expected, and got, the best. I pushed others and myself harshly, offering rewards when due. I showed and told and expected. And it worked nearly flawlessly, if with some serious work on my end it was work I enjoyed. Success is very sweet smelling. So, sue me if I still try. Dying or not, that is how I roll. Now, get some whole grain foods and eat. You can thank me later.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Shooting.
.
.
Have you ever wanted to learn to shoot? Oh, no worries about owning a .308 or a 30-30, a .22 rifle would be just fine. There are people who teach this, and for a small fee. They probably teach relatively close to where you live. As a fact, if I can get in gear, I would love to go to one of their functions. Oh, sure, I can shoot. Rifle, pistol, my mouth, that would not be the point mostly. I would like to have them cover ground I might have missed, have someone offer advice on things I might have learned incorrectly, and to just share some time with fellow shooters. By the way, women and young ones have a much reduced fee if too the fee is not all that much anyway.
The Group is called Appleseed. If you click on the name, you will be directed to their home page. If nothing else, stop by and look at who they are and what they do. There are not many causes I really go with, even the NRA has ruffled my feathers recently. This group, however, seems to be simply and purely about teaching an American tradition. I guess I like it simple. When it gets too political, it can be turned I think. Anyway...
Good night... morning... whatever. Be well.
.
Have you ever wanted to learn to shoot? Oh, no worries about owning a .308 or a 30-30, a .22 rifle would be just fine. There are people who teach this, and for a small fee. They probably teach relatively close to where you live. As a fact, if I can get in gear, I would love to go to one of their functions. Oh, sure, I can shoot. Rifle, pistol, my mouth, that would not be the point mostly. I would like to have them cover ground I might have missed, have someone offer advice on things I might have learned incorrectly, and to just share some time with fellow shooters. By the way, women and young ones have a much reduced fee if too the fee is not all that much anyway.
The Group is called Appleseed. If you click on the name, you will be directed to their home page. If nothing else, stop by and look at who they are and what they do. There are not many causes I really go with, even the NRA has ruffled my feathers recently. This group, however, seems to be simply and purely about teaching an American tradition. I guess I like it simple. When it gets too political, it can be turned I think. Anyway...
Good night... morning... whatever. Be well.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Stuck, still.
.
.
Well, it has been... a while since I have been out. I simply cannot get it going. I am still losing track of external things, but I keep my days and nights separated. And, I am aware of time passing. The cats get fed and tended. Food... well, it just has not been available to a greater degree, for myself. I keep milk and caffeine on hand, the rest sort of... happens or does not. I am hoping as things warm up I will be able, willing, interested, or whatever it takes, to do more.
I purchased hamburger at Wal-Mart. It was a convenience purchase. I have done it before and it worked well enough. This time, however, is my last. I will try to finish it up, I do hate to waste. But the stuff is retched. Connective tissue and fat that is not from the meat, is my guess, is used as thirty percent of the "product". I honestly would not feed this to my dog, if I had one. That is right, my dog would eat better than I would. I do not know if this is a change in their "product" lines, an economic reality, or if I just got lucky in previous purchases. The thing is, it was no less expensive than my usual store. I simply shopped there because I was shopping too late or on the wrong side of town without an interest in driving through town to shop. Never again, that is all I can say.
Well, I need to get to some things. Including dinner. I have not eaten in... a while. It is time. A few dishes while I am stirring and fussing out there, a little tidying up here and there (though the Lord knows, it could use more than a little). Still, that is how it goes. I can only do what I can when I can.
Good night.
.
Well, it has been... a while since I have been out. I simply cannot get it going. I am still losing track of external things, but I keep my days and nights separated. And, I am aware of time passing. The cats get fed and tended. Food... well, it just has not been available to a greater degree, for myself. I keep milk and caffeine on hand, the rest sort of... happens or does not. I am hoping as things warm up I will be able, willing, interested, or whatever it takes, to do more.
I purchased hamburger at Wal-Mart. It was a convenience purchase. I have done it before and it worked well enough. This time, however, is my last. I will try to finish it up, I do hate to waste. But the stuff is retched. Connective tissue and fat that is not from the meat, is my guess, is used as thirty percent of the "product". I honestly would not feed this to my dog, if I had one. That is right, my dog would eat better than I would. I do not know if this is a change in their "product" lines, an economic reality, or if I just got lucky in previous purchases. The thing is, it was no less expensive than my usual store. I simply shopped there because I was shopping too late or on the wrong side of town without an interest in driving through town to shop. Never again, that is all I can say.
Well, I need to get to some things. Including dinner. I have not eaten in... a while. It is time. A few dishes while I am stirring and fussing out there, a little tidying up here and there (though the Lord knows, it could use more than a little). Still, that is how it goes. I can only do what I can when I can.
Good night.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Fame, lauds, and other such.
.
.
Watching from the sidelines, I see people attain fame, fortune, and power. People, often, who should never be near those functions. How, I have asked, do they do it? Ah, I see. Again, as I visited this topic many times in my life. Question, learn, forget, re-evaluate. Such is life. Then again, exploring topics at various ages in one's life is a good thing. In any case, I have some conclusions.
How does one get rich, famous, or powerful? One learns how to sell. They sell themselves, they grab ideas and sell them, they test the markets for what is in demand and develop a package. And then they get to work. They work on themselves, making sure they live the life and lifestyle that goes with the package. Kennedy (pick one) for example lived a life of debauchery and promised things that were impossible in the long run to people for their votes. The debauchery went with the unsustainability of his economic and social policies. A package. And he sold it to the media, uninformed or uncaring participants, and whoever he could buy, threaten, or cheat into his game.
So it goes with anything and anyone famous. Some, of course, do it more as a sideline. Adding a revenue stream to minor notoriety on other issues. How many actors do advertising, create their own brand of clothing or cookware, or such? Any that can get that going. Sometimes the name is merely used, often though the star creates the line and looks for suppliers.
While this is not all bad, and to some degree not at all bad, in other ways it is the corruption inside all of us. How much are we willing to give up, change, or otherwise surrender to gain whatever it is we are looking to achieve? Political correctness must be toted by any wishing to make a large splash. It is a lie, of course, but... money, money, money. Some sell their flesh, in various ways. And, in truth, we all do, to various degrees. We have to. But... to what level are we truly willing to go? You want to have it all you might have to sell it all.
All I am saying is, I am, largely, happy to not be in that race. I am pleased to be humble and small. I have seen the options in my own life. And, I have stepped away from it. By needs as much as want, though. Being crippled leaves little in the way of attaining. Even when it became noted that I was having problems in the Navy, friends... disappeared. No one wants to be close to a sinking ship. And yet, I have consciously made the choice to back away from some options to power or fame or money as well. I like being humble. Even if YOU cannot see it. :p
Have a great day. And, if you are going to sell, sell for the right reasons. Then do not drift once you attain. The price is more than your dignity, it might be your soul.
.
Watching from the sidelines, I see people attain fame, fortune, and power. People, often, who should never be near those functions. How, I have asked, do they do it? Ah, I see. Again, as I visited this topic many times in my life. Question, learn, forget, re-evaluate. Such is life. Then again, exploring topics at various ages in one's life is a good thing. In any case, I have some conclusions.
How does one get rich, famous, or powerful? One learns how to sell. They sell themselves, they grab ideas and sell them, they test the markets for what is in demand and develop a package. And then they get to work. They work on themselves, making sure they live the life and lifestyle that goes with the package. Kennedy (pick one) for example lived a life of debauchery and promised things that were impossible in the long run to people for their votes. The debauchery went with the unsustainability of his economic and social policies. A package. And he sold it to the media, uninformed or uncaring participants, and whoever he could buy, threaten, or cheat into his game.
So it goes with anything and anyone famous. Some, of course, do it more as a sideline. Adding a revenue stream to minor notoriety on other issues. How many actors do advertising, create their own brand of clothing or cookware, or such? Any that can get that going. Sometimes the name is merely used, often though the star creates the line and looks for suppliers.
While this is not all bad, and to some degree not at all bad, in other ways it is the corruption inside all of us. How much are we willing to give up, change, or otherwise surrender to gain whatever it is we are looking to achieve? Political correctness must be toted by any wishing to make a large splash. It is a lie, of course, but... money, money, money. Some sell their flesh, in various ways. And, in truth, we all do, to various degrees. We have to. But... to what level are we truly willing to go? You want to have it all you might have to sell it all.
All I am saying is, I am, largely, happy to not be in that race. I am pleased to be humble and small. I have seen the options in my own life. And, I have stepped away from it. By needs as much as want, though. Being crippled leaves little in the way of attaining. Even when it became noted that I was having problems in the Navy, friends... disappeared. No one wants to be close to a sinking ship. And yet, I have consciously made the choice to back away from some options to power or fame or money as well. I like being humble. Even if YOU cannot see it. :p
Have a great day. And, if you are going to sell, sell for the right reasons. Then do not drift once you attain. The price is more than your dignity, it might be your soul.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thinly devised.
.
.
The world, that is. Or more the world of men. Cliques here, odd notions there, prejudices everywhere. Walk into the world of the upper quarter or tenth, and you best be dressed exquisitely. From brands to styles to haircut, one thing out of line and you are spotted immediately. Exquisite frauds do well there, unless it is found that they have no money. Front and back, it all has to be real or the participant will be excluded. That works with the poor, too. It works that way with groups of men, women, and children. Every subset has expectations and demands. If you do not fit, you will be excluded. I have a large group of areas where I may attend, but I fit none of them as is ultimately required. For good or ill, I am my own.
Still, I look on how thinly most human relations are devised and wonder at the operation. Oh, do not believe me. Find several places you know you do not belong, if you can get in and it is safe, go to those places. Go once as you are. Go another time far removed after pulling out all of the stops to fit in. Look at what you had to do to try and fit in. Understand that is all artificial. It has all been codified into the lives of those who do fit in. Those who fit in rarely even consider the artifices at some point in their journey to be part of their chosen crowd. No, most cannot simply drift to where they are. Even bums make very difficult choices to be what they are.
Why all this fuss. Well, women. No, I really am not "butt ugly" as another has termed being unattractive. I am also not a handsome man. I am just another or maybe a little less. As I rate things. Yeah, I realize, for women it is not about looks. They may like or dislike how a man looks, but his power and leadership and some other things can overcome her notions of appearances so easily that appearances are almost laughably off the list of their real wants. However, in looking for a woman, I am looking for something more substantive. I am starting to think that it really does just come down to charming her down from shrew to wife. And any more, just getting to the goo. That is not new. Men and women are both feral, and when not confined by social morals and legal harassment, we get what we got here. What we have here is a failure to communicate. I want more.
As well, it leads into the thoughts regarding decision making. So much of it seems to be based so thinly on alliances, appearances, activities, pseudo beliefs, and such, created on the basis of little more than brands worn, profession, the religion one was born into, or other things that have little to do with who people really are or who they wish to be. I live in an artificial world. Trying to be real in it is both trying and lonesome. And, yet, I would not, could not, have it any other way. At least I have not been offered hemlock. Then again, who even knows me? *grins*
Though to be truthful, I came to be where I am by falling out of what I had wanted and tried to be. Without function in society, I have no need to kiss some jerks butt to make sure I can keep doing what I am doing so that I can bring home a pay check. I do not need to worry about my hair being cut just so, I do not need to wear a suit or other formal or informal uniform, I do not need to get along with my peers, and more I have never felt compelled to do so, knowing from elementary school on that I had no peers at my age, and few amongst my school aged elders. I fell out young then I fell out completely. Most do not have that "luxury".
Well, I best get to a few things. Have a great day. One question first. Are you real?
.
The world, that is. Or more the world of men. Cliques here, odd notions there, prejudices everywhere. Walk into the world of the upper quarter or tenth, and you best be dressed exquisitely. From brands to styles to haircut, one thing out of line and you are spotted immediately. Exquisite frauds do well there, unless it is found that they have no money. Front and back, it all has to be real or the participant will be excluded. That works with the poor, too. It works that way with groups of men, women, and children. Every subset has expectations and demands. If you do not fit, you will be excluded. I have a large group of areas where I may attend, but I fit none of them as is ultimately required. For good or ill, I am my own.
Still, I look on how thinly most human relations are devised and wonder at the operation. Oh, do not believe me. Find several places you know you do not belong, if you can get in and it is safe, go to those places. Go once as you are. Go another time far removed after pulling out all of the stops to fit in. Look at what you had to do to try and fit in. Understand that is all artificial. It has all been codified into the lives of those who do fit in. Those who fit in rarely even consider the artifices at some point in their journey to be part of their chosen crowd. No, most cannot simply drift to where they are. Even bums make very difficult choices to be what they are.
Why all this fuss. Well, women. No, I really am not "butt ugly" as another has termed being unattractive. I am also not a handsome man. I am just another or maybe a little less. As I rate things. Yeah, I realize, for women it is not about looks. They may like or dislike how a man looks, but his power and leadership and some other things can overcome her notions of appearances so easily that appearances are almost laughably off the list of their real wants. However, in looking for a woman, I am looking for something more substantive. I am starting to think that it really does just come down to charming her down from shrew to wife. And any more, just getting to the goo. That is not new. Men and women are both feral, and when not confined by social morals and legal harassment, we get what we got here. What we have here is a failure to communicate. I want more.
As well, it leads into the thoughts regarding decision making. So much of it seems to be based so thinly on alliances, appearances, activities, pseudo beliefs, and such, created on the basis of little more than brands worn, profession, the religion one was born into, or other things that have little to do with who people really are or who they wish to be. I live in an artificial world. Trying to be real in it is both trying and lonesome. And, yet, I would not, could not, have it any other way. At least I have not been offered hemlock. Then again, who even knows me? *grins*
Though to be truthful, I came to be where I am by falling out of what I had wanted and tried to be. Without function in society, I have no need to kiss some jerks butt to make sure I can keep doing what I am doing so that I can bring home a pay check. I do not need to worry about my hair being cut just so, I do not need to wear a suit or other formal or informal uniform, I do not need to get along with my peers, and more I have never felt compelled to do so, knowing from elementary school on that I had no peers at my age, and few amongst my school aged elders. I fell out young then I fell out completely. Most do not have that "luxury".
Well, I best get to a few things. Have a great day. One question first. Are you real?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Okay, now, get this.
.
.
While I was out a bit ago, I stopped somewhere for food. Waitresses, of course, flirt. Flirt equals tips, period. I know this, you know this, she knows this, wives and girlfriends (may they never meet) know this. Fine, I understand. I engaged the young woman, 25 or less and quite easily in the "8" range, being conservative. (And, if you have your druthers, marry a waitress, trust me. Anyway.) After a little this and that, all on the up-and-up mind you, she just came out and suggested where I should stop for a beer, and when. Or at least, I am told, that is when and where she goes. Okay guys, I got scooped on this one. Tempted? Lord knows it.
I came right home after, looked in the mirror, and all I could say was... WTF? Just... words escape me. And she has not been the only one. The problem is... I am incredulous. Go into your back yard and stub your toe on a pound and a half gold nugget. After which, we will chat about this. That is all I am saying right there. Oh, and yeah... these things test my celibacy. Oh do they.
Good night.
.
While I was out a bit ago, I stopped somewhere for food. Waitresses, of course, flirt. Flirt equals tips, period. I know this, you know this, she knows this, wives and girlfriends (may they never meet) know this. Fine, I understand. I engaged the young woman, 25 or less and quite easily in the "8" range, being conservative. (And, if you have your druthers, marry a waitress, trust me. Anyway.) After a little this and that, all on the up-and-up mind you, she just came out and suggested where I should stop for a beer, and when. Or at least, I am told, that is when and where she goes. Okay guys, I got scooped on this one. Tempted? Lord knows it.
I came right home after, looked in the mirror, and all I could say was... WTF? Just... words escape me. And she has not been the only one. The problem is... I am incredulous. Go into your back yard and stub your toe on a pound and a half gold nugget. After which, we will chat about this. That is all I am saying right there. Oh, and yeah... these things test my celibacy. Oh do they.
Good night.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Nope.
.
.
Again, the doctor said no. She said as a single mother, she had worked too hard for her medical license. She said I could see another doctor in the V.A. (though, after seeing three with the same results, I have no hope for that, here), or I could check myself into a psych clinic where they would, by the way, tend my blood pressure issues. Neither option is viable. The only thing I know about psych hospitals is that they need to be avoided slightly more vigorously than people should avoid academia (if seeking a legitimate education, only go there to cheat your way to a job you are under-qualified to work... that includes engineering).
I did suggest I would take a water pill I know to have had no ill effects. I am starting to collect fluid around the ankles again (and probably everywhere). No problem with that, but it looks like that is the end of the line there. The tests are back on, I do believe. They want to check my endocrine system. They have never checked most of these things out. There is a chance that is the problem. She so badly wants it to merely be a case of bipolar and high blood pressure though. They all do. It lets them off the hook for 20 years of piss poor medical care, misdiagnosis, and probably an avoidable disability case. She so wants it to be merely my fault. It, trust me, is not.
If those tests, and MRI scan and some other things, do not prove out, it looks like I am at the end of the road as far as medication and medical intervention. I simply do not have enough money at this point to pay for private medical care, which might also include looking for a doctor who would prescribe what works. As my stats spiral in the negative direction, the chances get worse. So, I guess, once again, I am on a death list. Obamacare is what you will all get soon. If you do not fit their program, you will simply be allowed to die, even with something right over there that works. Not for you. Only the bell toll for you.
So be it. I did not expect much today and got what I expected. The water pill should be helpful. My pulse is also high now, probably due to water build up. We will just have to see. That is my day in a nutshell. Oh, but I did stop at my favorite restaurant and ordered shrimp ceviche again. I did not eat anything else there, though I did buy some food to take home. And, on another good note, I was out of the house by noon. I was quite pleased with that, and even got a few chores tended before I left. Yeah, that was good.
Good night.
.
Again, the doctor said no. She said as a single mother, she had worked too hard for her medical license. She said I could see another doctor in the V.A. (though, after seeing three with the same results, I have no hope for that, here), or I could check myself into a psych clinic where they would, by the way, tend my blood pressure issues. Neither option is viable. The only thing I know about psych hospitals is that they need to be avoided slightly more vigorously than people should avoid academia (if seeking a legitimate education, only go there to cheat your way to a job you are under-qualified to work... that includes engineering).
I did suggest I would take a water pill I know to have had no ill effects. I am starting to collect fluid around the ankles again (and probably everywhere). No problem with that, but it looks like that is the end of the line there. The tests are back on, I do believe. They want to check my endocrine system. They have never checked most of these things out. There is a chance that is the problem. She so badly wants it to merely be a case of bipolar and high blood pressure though. They all do. It lets them off the hook for 20 years of piss poor medical care, misdiagnosis, and probably an avoidable disability case. She so wants it to be merely my fault. It, trust me, is not.
If those tests, and MRI scan and some other things, do not prove out, it looks like I am at the end of the road as far as medication and medical intervention. I simply do not have enough money at this point to pay for private medical care, which might also include looking for a doctor who would prescribe what works. As my stats spiral in the negative direction, the chances get worse. So, I guess, once again, I am on a death list. Obamacare is what you will all get soon. If you do not fit their program, you will simply be allowed to die, even with something right over there that works. Not for you. Only the bell toll for you.
So be it. I did not expect much today and got what I expected. The water pill should be helpful. My pulse is also high now, probably due to water build up. We will just have to see. That is my day in a nutshell. Oh, but I did stop at my favorite restaurant and ordered shrimp ceviche again. I did not eat anything else there, though I did buy some food to take home. And, on another good note, I was out of the house by noon. I was quite pleased with that, and even got a few chores tended before I left. Yeah, that was good.
Good night.
Up and running. At a slow walk, that is.
.
.
I could not get to sleep last night. I am beginning to hate doctor appointments, so either through stress, resentment, frustration, or all of that and more, getting to sleep the night before is tough. Still, I got up and am actually chucking along at a goodly pace, with or without considering the situation. My goal is to be out of here by noon. Could happen, though I am eyeballing 13:00 as the most likely scenario and somewhere between those numbers as the next most likely time I will be out. That is just the way it works.
Strange dreams have been painting my eyelids of late. Much of it themed around people from the high schools I attended, and mostly the girls. Well, all about some of the girls. No, not so much sexual, though how can one dream of women and not have a little bubble gum and sex notion going on? Especially when we were all young. Quaint memories? Hmm, I did not have a quaint life. I suppose I idealized such though. Yeah, something like that. The dreams have also been dissecting human decision making. Looking through the strata, causes, getting into the 'moment' of the decision maker, pulling back and seeing the big picture, looking at the micro-aspects, evaluating the outcomes based on the outcomes, the reasoning, emotional value, religious teaching, and many other ways. I would call it something like full blown thought autopsies. My decision stands, most people are stinker thinkers and should not be allowed to handle money or their own lives even. Thank God we have the government and credit card companies! (snark -off)
I do have an appointment today. I am looking forward to it similar to the manner in which most look forward to seeing a dentist and taking their automobile in for repairs on the same day. Oil, blood, and money to be drilled on the same day. I do not mind the dentist, though I have come to dread the shop. Those blood suckers cannot be trusted by their mother. Doctors seem to have decided it is better to see me dead than possibly functioning. It may literally be political. One less staunch conservative in the economic world is considered something which allows them to set aside the (probably defunct now anyway, considering abortion) "...do no harm..." part of their creed. Well, it is all I have. Today we will decide if we will go forward or if I will simply complete the dying process unhindered. Yeah, I know what it means.
Best to get moving. On to waking a bit then out the door. A shower first, so I am dry and clean before I walk out the door. The sun is up, out, and smiling like the blazes. It should be a great day for a drive. Have a good day.
.
I could not get to sleep last night. I am beginning to hate doctor appointments, so either through stress, resentment, frustration, or all of that and more, getting to sleep the night before is tough. Still, I got up and am actually chucking along at a goodly pace, with or without considering the situation. My goal is to be out of here by noon. Could happen, though I am eyeballing 13:00 as the most likely scenario and somewhere between those numbers as the next most likely time I will be out. That is just the way it works.
Strange dreams have been painting my eyelids of late. Much of it themed around people from the high schools I attended, and mostly the girls. Well, all about some of the girls. No, not so much sexual, though how can one dream of women and not have a little bubble gum and sex notion going on? Especially when we were all young. Quaint memories? Hmm, I did not have a quaint life. I suppose I idealized such though. Yeah, something like that. The dreams have also been dissecting human decision making. Looking through the strata, causes, getting into the 'moment' of the decision maker, pulling back and seeing the big picture, looking at the micro-aspects, evaluating the outcomes based on the outcomes, the reasoning, emotional value, religious teaching, and many other ways. I would call it something like full blown thought autopsies. My decision stands, most people are stinker thinkers and should not be allowed to handle money or their own lives even. Thank God we have the government and credit card companies! (snark -off)
I do have an appointment today. I am looking forward to it similar to the manner in which most look forward to seeing a dentist and taking their automobile in for repairs on the same day. Oil, blood, and money to be drilled on the same day. I do not mind the dentist, though I have come to dread the shop. Those blood suckers cannot be trusted by their mother. Doctors seem to have decided it is better to see me dead than possibly functioning. It may literally be political. One less staunch conservative in the economic world is considered something which allows them to set aside the (probably defunct now anyway, considering abortion) "...do no harm..." part of their creed. Well, it is all I have. Today we will decide if we will go forward or if I will simply complete the dying process unhindered. Yeah, I know what it means.
Best to get moving. On to waking a bit then out the door. A shower first, so I am dry and clean before I walk out the door. The sun is up, out, and smiling like the blazes. It should be a great day for a drive. Have a good day.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Woot!
.
.
Nothing big. I tried on the jeans I bought, finally. Though I can get into 38 waist, I am not quite there yet. But the 40 waist is just a wee loose. I could not keep them on without a solidly cinching belt. Yeah, I like it. And, as spring and then summer arrives, I am hoping to get to the 38 and maybe on down to 36 (if I will save the others). That is six sizes in about 2 years. Further, my weight has only come down, say, 50 pounds. My weight has not dropped since last summer, essentially. Smaller size, same weight... that means one thing. I am getting stronger.
Well, on to other things. I took the trash to the bin, but it is the only sack so I will not bother lugging it to the curb. I would like to have gotten recycling out, there is room only for one more bag without some effort. Still, it is mostly weeks (months?) of soda cans, so it is easily compacted. Dishes, kitty litter box, laundry, and maybe a trip to see my friend. I need to wake up a bit first. Been working on that since 9:00, a tug and pull kind of day so far. I did shower, I did trim my beard and mustache, I did try on the jeans, and I chased and ran from the "kids". Sassy loves to hunt... and be hunted too! *squeals* Or, more... *meow* She loves it. Even Sam loves to be waylaid and frizzled once in a while... Hey, they started it. And they do love it.
Have a great day.
.
Nothing big. I tried on the jeans I bought, finally. Though I can get into 38 waist, I am not quite there yet. But the 40 waist is just a wee loose. I could not keep them on without a solidly cinching belt. Yeah, I like it. And, as spring and then summer arrives, I am hoping to get to the 38 and maybe on down to 36 (if I will save the others). That is six sizes in about 2 years. Further, my weight has only come down, say, 50 pounds. My weight has not dropped since last summer, essentially. Smaller size, same weight... that means one thing. I am getting stronger.
Well, on to other things. I took the trash to the bin, but it is the only sack so I will not bother lugging it to the curb. I would like to have gotten recycling out, there is room only for one more bag without some effort. Still, it is mostly weeks (months?) of soda cans, so it is easily compacted. Dishes, kitty litter box, laundry, and maybe a trip to see my friend. I need to wake up a bit first. Been working on that since 9:00, a tug and pull kind of day so far. I did shower, I did trim my beard and mustache, I did try on the jeans, and I chased and ran from the "kids". Sassy loves to hunt... and be hunted too! *squeals* Or, more... *meow* She loves it. Even Sam loves to be waylaid and frizzled once in a while... Hey, they started it. And they do love it.
Have a great day.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
My mother has changed the menu.
.
.
She is thinking she would rather have me drive out for a visit. I am not certain what the deal is. I put out some feelers to test the wind and may have some ideas. There are some practical reasons she gave, but there is at least something she is not saying and probably several things giving her pause about travel in the near future. Trust me, I know this woman. Deviously secretive, definitely full of plots, though I would not say her plots or deviousness is necessarily evil or dark. If too I do not fully trust. She does what she does for both her own and external reasons. Now, this is fine. It will give me time to build finances a bit more soundly before the trip. Though she is considering coming out later in the year, which might not be possible. It is a money issue. This or that, I cannot guarantee I can or would do both. The drive will be more expensive than a flight and the need is for me to drive. Or the want. There are reasons for that.
I am hoping to get to a few things tomorrow. I have some bills to check, some tasks out of the home to do, and a few things in house that need tending. I have been rather lax, I need to find a way to push. I need to try harder. I want to have the home as clean when I go as I would if she were visiting. I also need to get beans and rice on the ready, maybe boiled eggs as well. I will need food to push through, lots of it. Two or three small meals a day is what is required. We will see.
Later.
.
She is thinking she would rather have me drive out for a visit. I am not certain what the deal is. I put out some feelers to test the wind and may have some ideas. There are some practical reasons she gave, but there is at least something she is not saying and probably several things giving her pause about travel in the near future. Trust me, I know this woman. Deviously secretive, definitely full of plots, though I would not say her plots or deviousness is necessarily evil or dark. If too I do not fully trust. She does what she does for both her own and external reasons. Now, this is fine. It will give me time to build finances a bit more soundly before the trip. Though she is considering coming out later in the year, which might not be possible. It is a money issue. This or that, I cannot guarantee I can or would do both. The drive will be more expensive than a flight and the need is for me to drive. Or the want. There are reasons for that.
I am hoping to get to a few things tomorrow. I have some bills to check, some tasks out of the home to do, and a few things in house that need tending. I have been rather lax, I need to find a way to push. I need to try harder. I want to have the home as clean when I go as I would if she were visiting. I also need to get beans and rice on the ready, maybe boiled eggs as well. I will need food to push through, lots of it. Two or three small meals a day is what is required. We will see.
Later.
We have a healthy snow back.
.
.
It happened over the last week. Me, of course, blithely unaware for the most part. I looked out today to see someone had cleared my drive. I need to find out who is doing this. No, I do not owe them anything. They made their choice, they did this work and have been doing it. What I do have is gratitude, something that is mine and which I feel a need to express. And, I will.
Television is such trash to watch these days. When my mother concludes her visit here, I will end cable television. Trying to make women into warriors, minorities into heroes, does not work for me at all. Women can never be warriors until you can bring me a healthy typical woman of my age and she can defeat me. Or even hold her own with me in hand to hand combat. Unfortunately or not, as is, I could kill the average women with meek punches, let alone what I can unleash if pressed. Minorities cannot be heroes until they, as groups, stop being full out thugs as general populations. There is no compromise.
Up late but up early too. Still maintain a day schedule, if that is slipping. I am doing more than just staying up, but losing my grip on "just staying up". I do not know, for sure, if gaining one loses the other. I will not even speculate. After two decades of illness, one would think they would have a handle on it. But before coming to Utah, I was all but blind to what goes on in the deeper throws of the illness. I am just learning. Who would have thought a simple move would make that much of a difference. Certainly not I. I have yet to feel the bite of winter weather on my face, in the mountains, as per my dreams. But that day will come. I will, in time, be winter camping.
I look at my body. It is strengthening somehow. After twenty years, for whatever reason, I am still powerful. My stamina, of course, is weak. But why is my body still so potent in other ways? I do not understand all things. Though I might suggest fear has something to do with it. Enough fighting, enough other trouble, constant doubt through much of life, have lead me to always being ready. My flesh anyway. It was trained young, it was trained hard... brutal. No matter what happened 'upstairs', 'down stairs' is it's own animal. That notion, at one time, really helped lead to a decision to self terminate. Then, among many other things, I learned I could trust that beast. Still, that long and it is more like... I am mothballed than anything else. All is ready. I even gain muscle and strength and stamina at an almost alarming rate. From start to stop, bench pressing 300 plus in less than 3 months after a long hiatus, and while beginning to swim, going from a few laps a day to a mile a day, three times a week, in that same period at the same time. My body is merely waiting to be activated. Odd.
Well, on to other things. Have a great Sunday. Get out and go to God's house if you can. He is waiting.
.
It happened over the last week. Me, of course, blithely unaware for the most part. I looked out today to see someone had cleared my drive. I need to find out who is doing this. No, I do not owe them anything. They made their choice, they did this work and have been doing it. What I do have is gratitude, something that is mine and which I feel a need to express. And, I will.
Television is such trash to watch these days. When my mother concludes her visit here, I will end cable television. Trying to make women into warriors, minorities into heroes, does not work for me at all. Women can never be warriors until you can bring me a healthy typical woman of my age and she can defeat me. Or even hold her own with me in hand to hand combat. Unfortunately or not, as is, I could kill the average women with meek punches, let alone what I can unleash if pressed. Minorities cannot be heroes until they, as groups, stop being full out thugs as general populations. There is no compromise.
Up late but up early too. Still maintain a day schedule, if that is slipping. I am doing more than just staying up, but losing my grip on "just staying up". I do not know, for sure, if gaining one loses the other. I will not even speculate. After two decades of illness, one would think they would have a handle on it. But before coming to Utah, I was all but blind to what goes on in the deeper throws of the illness. I am just learning. Who would have thought a simple move would make that much of a difference. Certainly not I. I have yet to feel the bite of winter weather on my face, in the mountains, as per my dreams. But that day will come. I will, in time, be winter camping.
I look at my body. It is strengthening somehow. After twenty years, for whatever reason, I am still powerful. My stamina, of course, is weak. But why is my body still so potent in other ways? I do not understand all things. Though I might suggest fear has something to do with it. Enough fighting, enough other trouble, constant doubt through much of life, have lead me to always being ready. My flesh anyway. It was trained young, it was trained hard... brutal. No matter what happened 'upstairs', 'down stairs' is it's own animal. That notion, at one time, really helped lead to a decision to self terminate. Then, among many other things, I learned I could trust that beast. Still, that long and it is more like... I am mothballed than anything else. All is ready. I even gain muscle and strength and stamina at an almost alarming rate. From start to stop, bench pressing 300 plus in less than 3 months after a long hiatus, and while beginning to swim, going from a few laps a day to a mile a day, three times a week, in that same period at the same time. My body is merely waiting to be activated. Odd.
Well, on to other things. Have a great Sunday. Get out and go to God's house if you can. He is waiting.
The mind.
.
.
It is a most occupying pastime to consider decision making in creatures such as humans. Though we have the capacity for logic, we have the full force of emotion, hormonal affects, and other things such as animal instincts all at play. Further complicating matters is the truth that a clear and direct means of logic does not always prove out in real life practice. Those are two separate sides to be considered, of course. But when viewing decision making, both sides are vital.
How much do our wants drive our decision? What about raw need? Even deciphering which is which, at times, is very controversial. What about simple tastes? I like the color blue, though usually prefer more of the darker earthen colors. Sentiments and habits play a part in everything from purchases to who we like and dislike. How much of that, in the grand scheme of things, ends up being logical if we cannot always place the logic? For example, not liking people with tattoos or piercings as some do. First, it indicates that the person is outside of many of our understandings of life and how to live it. Extremely outside of our ways. Is there a real logic to that prejudice that works? While all of this is debatable, I do think there is more going on that could ever meet the eye.
This consideration came about the other day when I watched someone make a large mistake in what I saw as a simple choice. It was not a vital decision. I did offer input. But their mind was made up already and the bad choice was acted upon, only later to be regretted. I almost think half the reason for the choice was to spurn those who would "control" the decision maker. They wanted to be free to do what they liked. They disregarded the fact that freedom has a price, that being free to always choose is not really what it seems, and that perhaps in some ways to be right means to do what you would prefer not to do. I do not think this particular person learned. They will continue bucking the system and losing. And, they will continue blaming the system or "the man", "patriarchy", "religion", or whatever other facet of reality that tells them how they can live right and tries to coax them into choosing in a reality that does not offer that many real choices.
Pick blue. Go ahead, that really does not matter usually. Choose what you remember, unless you can be shown differently. But do not choose what is wrong simply because that makes you feel free. You are a slave. To your body, you must eat, you must defecate, you must breath. To reality, or some might say true science, as if you go up, you must (in common terms) come down, you cannot walk on water, and you cannot fly. To secular truths, if you are broke no one will give you much, if you are limited intellectually you may be treated like a child, if you are less than those around you you will not be treated as a peer. Breaking rules is not allowed, not even among the rule breakers, who merely create their own hierarchy and set of rules (which fails after some period of time, as all pyramid schemes do) by which their members must abide.
Their is freedom, but it is a sliver of a notion. It is to know God. To know your limitations. Then to go from there. It amazes me how people think. I promise though, if they only think with their flesh, they are miserable. Money will not fix that. Nothing will. The flesh is doomed and even those who try to live only of the flesh, pleasures or pains, joys or whatever, deep down inside they know. Whistling past the graveyard cannot work. It just has not failed, yet.
Oh, this consideration goes far deeper and is much broader. But what I think in moments on the thing could fill volumes. No one would read them, of course. Still I thought I should let it be known that... this is not even the scratching of the surface of one facet of the massive gem I am writing about. I will think more on it for the rest of my life. If to no great ends, it passes time.
.
It is a most occupying pastime to consider decision making in creatures such as humans. Though we have the capacity for logic, we have the full force of emotion, hormonal affects, and other things such as animal instincts all at play. Further complicating matters is the truth that a clear and direct means of logic does not always prove out in real life practice. Those are two separate sides to be considered, of course. But when viewing decision making, both sides are vital.
How much do our wants drive our decision? What about raw need? Even deciphering which is which, at times, is very controversial. What about simple tastes? I like the color blue, though usually prefer more of the darker earthen colors. Sentiments and habits play a part in everything from purchases to who we like and dislike. How much of that, in the grand scheme of things, ends up being logical if we cannot always place the logic? For example, not liking people with tattoos or piercings as some do. First, it indicates that the person is outside of many of our understandings of life and how to live it. Extremely outside of our ways. Is there a real logic to that prejudice that works? While all of this is debatable, I do think there is more going on that could ever meet the eye.
This consideration came about the other day when I watched someone make a large mistake in what I saw as a simple choice. It was not a vital decision. I did offer input. But their mind was made up already and the bad choice was acted upon, only later to be regretted. I almost think half the reason for the choice was to spurn those who would "control" the decision maker. They wanted to be free to do what they liked. They disregarded the fact that freedom has a price, that being free to always choose is not really what it seems, and that perhaps in some ways to be right means to do what you would prefer not to do. I do not think this particular person learned. They will continue bucking the system and losing. And, they will continue blaming the system or "the man", "patriarchy", "religion", or whatever other facet of reality that tells them how they can live right and tries to coax them into choosing in a reality that does not offer that many real choices.
Pick blue. Go ahead, that really does not matter usually. Choose what you remember, unless you can be shown differently. But do not choose what is wrong simply because that makes you feel free. You are a slave. To your body, you must eat, you must defecate, you must breath. To reality, or some might say true science, as if you go up, you must (in common terms) come down, you cannot walk on water, and you cannot fly. To secular truths, if you are broke no one will give you much, if you are limited intellectually you may be treated like a child, if you are less than those around you you will not be treated as a peer. Breaking rules is not allowed, not even among the rule breakers, who merely create their own hierarchy and set of rules (which fails after some period of time, as all pyramid schemes do) by which their members must abide.
Their is freedom, but it is a sliver of a notion. It is to know God. To know your limitations. Then to go from there. It amazes me how people think. I promise though, if they only think with their flesh, they are miserable. Money will not fix that. Nothing will. The flesh is doomed and even those who try to live only of the flesh, pleasures or pains, joys or whatever, deep down inside they know. Whistling past the graveyard cannot work. It just has not failed, yet.
Oh, this consideration goes far deeper and is much broader. But what I think in moments on the thing could fill volumes. No one would read them, of course. Still I thought I should let it be known that... this is not even the scratching of the surface of one facet of the massive gem I am writing about. I will think more on it for the rest of my life. If to no great ends, it passes time.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Going armed.
.
.
I moved, as many of you know, from what was fast becoming another Mid-West socialist hellhole. I doubt if, even with the changes and fixes, they will be able to survive. They cannot change enough fast enough to keep the demographic disaster the previous administrations created from reducing the state to rubble. I would move back as soon as I would agree to move to England or some other European fascist wasteland.
It is so funny to watch on the news how gun ownership is treated like a disease. Why funny? Here, where I live, I doubt if there is a teenager who could not lay claim to a firearm or three. And here, where I live, I have yet to see one hundredth of the crime I saw in the area I lived where even gun ownership was... something for the police to keep tabs on. We do not need gated communities, until you get into the liberal parts, areas of the state in which people socially and politically try to keep guns out. There you will see the gated communities. There you will see the crime. There you will see what I left.
We are the police. We are everything out here. First responders, firemen, police, friends, neighbors, and simple people. Not there. There they are cogs who do one thing, do it (supposedly) well, and get paid big bucks to do so (then scurry home and hope no one breaks in, surrendering anything and everything if that happens for just one more breath).
Do guns, personally, empower me? Well, they might, in some theoretical manner. In real terms, they are a responsibility. They, or really the notion of their use, carries a heavy weight. I cannot undo anything a bullet does. It is more humbling than empowering. And yet, it is right. To live among men, and even women, who know how to shoot and would do so, is the part that is uplifting. It means we are all responsible. And trust is verified by our rights. A failure, in any way, would be quick and final. That is honest country living.
Anyone who buys a gun to gain power, if they shoot it regularly, and are honest, will come to understand what I have written. I hope police know it. I know myself and other military men I knew understood it. I do believe that to be true. Buy a gun to become a free man and part of who created and protected this nation. Any personal notions are at best secondary. Now, get out and buy a side or long arm, then practice.
.
I moved, as many of you know, from what was fast becoming another Mid-West socialist hellhole. I doubt if, even with the changes and fixes, they will be able to survive. They cannot change enough fast enough to keep the demographic disaster the previous administrations created from reducing the state to rubble. I would move back as soon as I would agree to move to England or some other European fascist wasteland.
It is so funny to watch on the news how gun ownership is treated like a disease. Why funny? Here, where I live, I doubt if there is a teenager who could not lay claim to a firearm or three. And here, where I live, I have yet to see one hundredth of the crime I saw in the area I lived where even gun ownership was... something for the police to keep tabs on. We do not need gated communities, until you get into the liberal parts, areas of the state in which people socially and politically try to keep guns out. There you will see the gated communities. There you will see the crime. There you will see what I left.
We are the police. We are everything out here. First responders, firemen, police, friends, neighbors, and simple people. Not there. There they are cogs who do one thing, do it (supposedly) well, and get paid big bucks to do so (then scurry home and hope no one breaks in, surrendering anything and everything if that happens for just one more breath).
Do guns, personally, empower me? Well, they might, in some theoretical manner. In real terms, they are a responsibility. They, or really the notion of their use, carries a heavy weight. I cannot undo anything a bullet does. It is more humbling than empowering. And yet, it is right. To live among men, and even women, who know how to shoot and would do so, is the part that is uplifting. It means we are all responsible. And trust is verified by our rights. A failure, in any way, would be quick and final. That is honest country living.
Anyone who buys a gun to gain power, if they shoot it regularly, and are honest, will come to understand what I have written. I hope police know it. I know myself and other military men I knew understood it. I do believe that to be true. Buy a gun to become a free man and part of who created and protected this nation. Any personal notions are at best secondary. Now, get out and buy a side or long arm, then practice.
Life is different here, now.
.
.
Still in pain. I ache as if beaten around the head and shoulders. Minor headache fodder is to be found, though these headaches pass easily and quickly with minor attention at this point. Though I may have had the flu, these symptoms are not from that cause. Out here, in Utah, I am more aware. Of course being aware only offers you a chance to pick something up when it is present. It took me a while, as what I figured out is a sleep time thing. I realize I am not rolling when I sleep. I remember, in more normal pain free times, rolling in my sleep. I either sleep too deeply currently, or something else is going on. I never wake needing to pee (a good thing as it is a symptom of diabetes, though anyone who drinks too much too late might need to go during the night). I remember nothing from the nights. I used to need to take my socks off, or kick my feet out from the covers, and often both. It has been so long since I have done either that I cannot remember. I am dreaming though. Something from my early high school days. Something about pretty girls, girls I saw naked and wanted to see naked, bubble gum, friends, and "stuff". Thankfully my shoes were tied in the dream. I often went without doing so in my youth.
What does this tell me? It tells me there IS something different. It tells me it is not psychological, probably. At least what is happening now is simply an anomaly with my sleep function. Thankfully I was built to take pain, was built solid. I might be a bit cranky around the neck joints, I might be a bit stiff, but I think it could be worse. I ought to do stretches of some sort. No... attention to detail is needed, it is something I cannot give. Bad stretching could actually do damage, and I do tend to get obsessive. I think I will stick with sore for the moment.
Oh, right. Not only did I do some of the dishes, I actually put the food up this time. I am not a great fan of leftover spaghetti, but it is better than... scraping something else together. And, it is not just sitting in the pans, making a stink, or wasting away in the garbage. It should be interesting to see about another round of this whole wheat pasta. Regular pasta was not great the second time. It did not hold up well to reheating. I found techniques which proved more successful, but...
A little waking up first. I am up late, but I went to bed even later. Less than seven hours of sleep, so I am fine considering what I got done and "dinner". Have a great day. Avoid brown ground fruits, wooden nickels, and voting for politicians who hide when they are being asked to cut spending (first and last are about equal, wooden nickels if understood can be collectable).
(By the way, spellcheck was trying to change "collectable" to "collectible". I had never read or heard that correction before (and do not, explicitly, trust spellcheck). I finally have my big old dictionary right chere. So, a thumbing through, and... both. So, I both learned something (I would have corrected someone else's "collectible" or thought them in error) and enjoyed using my dictionary for the first time in a while. And, if technically correct, I HATE "collectible". Later!)
.
Still in pain. I ache as if beaten around the head and shoulders. Minor headache fodder is to be found, though these headaches pass easily and quickly with minor attention at this point. Though I may have had the flu, these symptoms are not from that cause. Out here, in Utah, I am more aware. Of course being aware only offers you a chance to pick something up when it is present. It took me a while, as what I figured out is a sleep time thing. I realize I am not rolling when I sleep. I remember, in more normal pain free times, rolling in my sleep. I either sleep too deeply currently, or something else is going on. I never wake needing to pee (a good thing as it is a symptom of diabetes, though anyone who drinks too much too late might need to go during the night). I remember nothing from the nights. I used to need to take my socks off, or kick my feet out from the covers, and often both. It has been so long since I have done either that I cannot remember. I am dreaming though. Something from my early high school days. Something about pretty girls, girls I saw naked and wanted to see naked, bubble gum, friends, and "stuff". Thankfully my shoes were tied in the dream. I often went without doing so in my youth.
What does this tell me? It tells me there IS something different. It tells me it is not psychological, probably. At least what is happening now is simply an anomaly with my sleep function. Thankfully I was built to take pain, was built solid. I might be a bit cranky around the neck joints, I might be a bit stiff, but I think it could be worse. I ought to do stretches of some sort. No... attention to detail is needed, it is something I cannot give. Bad stretching could actually do damage, and I do tend to get obsessive. I think I will stick with sore for the moment.
Oh, right. Not only did I do some of the dishes, I actually put the food up this time. I am not a great fan of leftover spaghetti, but it is better than... scraping something else together. And, it is not just sitting in the pans, making a stink, or wasting away in the garbage. It should be interesting to see about another round of this whole wheat pasta. Regular pasta was not great the second time. It did not hold up well to reheating. I found techniques which proved more successful, but...
A little waking up first. I am up late, but I went to bed even later. Less than seven hours of sleep, so I am fine considering what I got done and "dinner". Have a great day. Avoid brown ground fruits, wooden nickels, and voting for politicians who hide when they are being asked to cut spending (first and last are about equal, wooden nickels if understood can be collectable).
(By the way, spellcheck was trying to change "collectable" to "collectible". I had never read or heard that correction before (and do not, explicitly, trust spellcheck). I finally have my big old dictionary right chere. So, a thumbing through, and... both. So, I both learned something (I would have corrected someone else's "collectible" or thought them in error) and enjoyed using my dictionary for the first time in a while. And, if technically correct, I HATE "collectible". Later!)
Being a good boy and all...
.
.
For doing the dishes I decided to make a more proper meal. Spaghetti with meat sauce was the choice. I tried something new though. Whole wheat spaghetti is a new and... interesting thing? Yes, that might be the best description. I do not like whole wheat bread, other than when it pops out of the oven and with butter. Whole wheat bread does not work well for sandwiches or toast or, really, any way I traditionally might use bread. And day old is worthless, at least two or three days old. Still, I am trying to eat a bit more "right". Rather than go to whole wheat bread, I have merely cut my use of bread drastically and stayed with "white" bread. This, whole wheat spaghetti, however I might stick with. I did fear the price, and eschew generics. I also avoid "organic" and the higher end foods. Actually, the brand I went with was less expensive than my regular spaghetti, if that is one instance where I tended to go higher end.
Whole wheat spaghetti is a very different animal. The taste is definitely different. It certainly is heavier. The texture is more a plus while the taste? It does not really have a flavor, not one I can decipher. I also did not get a rush from it. That last was very odd as I did not realize I got a rush from spaghetti until I did not get the rush. Slower to digest, of course, as all whole grain products are. What was also odd is, though I did splurge and eat more than I normally would due to a number of factors, I ended up being full rather quickly. With regular pasta, I end up feeling hungry even when I seem full. The more full I am, even to past the stuffed sensation, the hungrier I seem to get. I was quite full and satisfied after only a portion of what I would normally have eaten. Interesting indeed. I have two more packs of the stuff. I am actually looking forward to more testing. It really is not bad, or... that is my first take.
Oh, and I did wash the sauce pan and am soaking the pasta pot. Tomorrow I hope to finish off the last of the pots and pans and some laundry. I would also like to take a closer look at the instructions for the bench I intend to use for reloading and measure the room again, to make sure what, exact, sizes of wood cuts I will need. They say measure twice, cut once. As a new woodworker, I would rather measure three or four times, then check again. I do not want to be half way through the project only to find I do not have the room to construct the thing where it needs to go, or otherwise fit it into the room. The door to the area is small, the area is tight. The room was, I think, literally a cloak room for a farming family. In a way, it is a fancy thing, or traditional. Now it stores survival gear and will be a tucked away bullet manufacturing area as well. To each his own.
Well, it is well past bedtime. Making dinner takes time. So be it. I deserved a good meal today. I should eat right more often, but for the dishes, shopping, and such I would. Good night. Or good morning, most likely.
.
For doing the dishes I decided to make a more proper meal. Spaghetti with meat sauce was the choice. I tried something new though. Whole wheat spaghetti is a new and... interesting thing? Yes, that might be the best description. I do not like whole wheat bread, other than when it pops out of the oven and with butter. Whole wheat bread does not work well for sandwiches or toast or, really, any way I traditionally might use bread. And day old is worthless, at least two or three days old. Still, I am trying to eat a bit more "right". Rather than go to whole wheat bread, I have merely cut my use of bread drastically and stayed with "white" bread. This, whole wheat spaghetti, however I might stick with. I did fear the price, and eschew generics. I also avoid "organic" and the higher end foods. Actually, the brand I went with was less expensive than my regular spaghetti, if that is one instance where I tended to go higher end.
Whole wheat spaghetti is a very different animal. The taste is definitely different. It certainly is heavier. The texture is more a plus while the taste? It does not really have a flavor, not one I can decipher. I also did not get a rush from it. That last was very odd as I did not realize I got a rush from spaghetti until I did not get the rush. Slower to digest, of course, as all whole grain products are. What was also odd is, though I did splurge and eat more than I normally would due to a number of factors, I ended up being full rather quickly. With regular pasta, I end up feeling hungry even when I seem full. The more full I am, even to past the stuffed sensation, the hungrier I seem to get. I was quite full and satisfied after only a portion of what I would normally have eaten. Interesting indeed. I have two more packs of the stuff. I am actually looking forward to more testing. It really is not bad, or... that is my first take.
Oh, and I did wash the sauce pan and am soaking the pasta pot. Tomorrow I hope to finish off the last of the pots and pans and some laundry. I would also like to take a closer look at the instructions for the bench I intend to use for reloading and measure the room again, to make sure what, exact, sizes of wood cuts I will need. They say measure twice, cut once. As a new woodworker, I would rather measure three or four times, then check again. I do not want to be half way through the project only to find I do not have the room to construct the thing where it needs to go, or otherwise fit it into the room. The door to the area is small, the area is tight. The room was, I think, literally a cloak room for a farming family. In a way, it is a fancy thing, or traditional. Now it stores survival gear and will be a tucked away bullet manufacturing area as well. To each his own.
Well, it is well past bedtime. Making dinner takes time. So be it. I deserved a good meal today. I should eat right more often, but for the dishes, shopping, and such I would. Good night. Or good morning, most likely.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Mom.
.
.
I am getting more things done. No shooting today, as I said, the weather was closing in even last night. The sun did come out, but who knows how much snow was deposited before that. I have been working on the dishes. The pans are half way to being available again. Some are done, some are soaking, and a few are yet to be started. I collect dirty pans, you know!
It seems, however, that the clock is ticking. My mother called today to inform me that for three weeks, starting near the end of March, she would be quite pleased if I bought her tickets and prepared for her visit. Well, okay. Huh!?! Okies. This means I will have to figure out how to... do some things. Oh, she will work hard when she gets here, regardless of what I do. Still, I would rather her not be too unhappy when she arrives. That, however, is totally unavoidable in some ways. As my Mom, she will be pleased to just see me. As a woman, or more human, she must always be somewhat disappointed. It is the only way to set the agenda. I know this, if more form a guy's perspective.
So, to figure out how to get the place in some kind of order for her visit. I will think on it. And pray about it. Time is ticking though. Ah well. One way or another, she will be here shortly. Good night.
.
I am getting more things done. No shooting today, as I said, the weather was closing in even last night. The sun did come out, but who knows how much snow was deposited before that. I have been working on the dishes. The pans are half way to being available again. Some are done, some are soaking, and a few are yet to be started. I collect dirty pans, you know!
It seems, however, that the clock is ticking. My mother called today to inform me that for three weeks, starting near the end of March, she would be quite pleased if I bought her tickets and prepared for her visit. Well, okay. Huh!?! Okies. This means I will have to figure out how to... do some things. Oh, she will work hard when she gets here, regardless of what I do. Still, I would rather her not be too unhappy when she arrives. That, however, is totally unavoidable in some ways. As my Mom, she will be pleased to just see me. As a woman, or more human, she must always be somewhat disappointed. It is the only way to set the agenda. I know this, if more form a guy's perspective.
So, to figure out how to get the place in some kind of order for her visit. I will think on it. And pray about it. Time is ticking though. Ah well. One way or another, she will be here shortly. Good night.
Why now?
.
.
After a long day of little, I am able to work. I have been catching up on dishes, and was thinking about doing more. But, why at midnight or later? Why now? I was up all day long but just now have whatever it is that allows me to work? Frustrating. I had promised my friend that if the weather was good we would go shooting tomorrow. So, before I stayed up any later I decided to check the weather. The bad weather is here already and will continue for some time, into several days if they are correct. Clear to clean, staying up as late as I wish to get as much done as possible. This window of opportunity does not happen often, I take it when I can.
Have you ever opened your windows and forgotten them open? Yeah, it does tend to get chilly in the winter. No furnace is that good, and probably thank the heavens. I am still thawing out from that. Still, it is something to chuckle about. The cats, I do not believe, thought it was all that funny. Another thing, of course, to chuckle about. They were nowhere to be found while opening the windows but they followed me around as I was closing them. Just to make sure I suppose. Who knows, though, what is really going through the mind of a cat at any given time. It would, truly, be interesting to find out though.
Well, a bit of goofing as another load of dishes soaks. I have pretty much cleared up the serving dishes and utensils. Pots and pans, of course, lag. Ah well. Good night.
.
After a long day of little, I am able to work. I have been catching up on dishes, and was thinking about doing more. But, why at midnight or later? Why now? I was up all day long but just now have whatever it is that allows me to work? Frustrating. I had promised my friend that if the weather was good we would go shooting tomorrow. So, before I stayed up any later I decided to check the weather. The bad weather is here already and will continue for some time, into several days if they are correct. Clear to clean, staying up as late as I wish to get as much done as possible. This window of opportunity does not happen often, I take it when I can.
Have you ever opened your windows and forgotten them open? Yeah, it does tend to get chilly in the winter. No furnace is that good, and probably thank the heavens. I am still thawing out from that. Still, it is something to chuckle about. The cats, I do not believe, thought it was all that funny. Another thing, of course, to chuckle about. They were nowhere to be found while opening the windows but they followed me around as I was closing them. Just to make sure I suppose. Who knows, though, what is really going through the mind of a cat at any given time. It would, truly, be interesting to find out though.
Well, a bit of goofing as another load of dishes soaks. I have pretty much cleared up the serving dishes and utensils. Pots and pans, of course, lag. Ah well. Good night.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Not too shabby.
.
.
I received part of my order today, from Cabela's. I have yet to try on the pants, two sizes. My 42 waist pants are starting to be uncomfortably loose. A belt only does so much. Still, I am not quite a 38 yet either. Or am I? I will find out. Many old jeans will go away, though I will save a small pile of them purely for work. I do intend to work, when I can. Lawn work if nothing else, but I have some other things on the menu. I received one of the stools, the one without a back. It is cheap, plastic, odd, but it will do. It is also convenient, light, and seems strong enough. We will see. I received one of two of the magazine loading devices for a late Christmas present for my friend. Who knows when the rest of it will show up. The missing stool was supposed to be in stock when I ordered, but the larger magazine loading device was on a one week backorder. I will not complain though really, just note.
The day is sunny, most of the time. Clouds have moved in and out, making for a fun (to me) day. I like a little bit of a mixture to my weather, all save freezing rain is good to me. I like some sun and some shadow, I like rain and snow and clear. I absolutely love thunderstorms, even when I might get caught out in one. It is just how I am. I am savoring the last drops of winter. Only for summer do I wish for a quick brutal end to the season. That last two weeks to month tries every bone of patience I have in me. And the high heat part of the season also tests my nerves. Still, I try my best to enjoy even that.
Sassy continues to be my little fruitbasket. Jumping and scratching, whoever or whatever, playing with cords, figuring out just what might make Sam actually get up and do something about whatever she is doing (or what can get pop-o off his chair, out of bed, or even moving quicker). A little rascal and I do love her for it. She, like all girls, just wants to have fun! Thank God she cannot do makeup or get pregnant. That is all I am saying right there. Sam continues to be the rock, mostly. Oh, she goes through her girly stages, and playful moments, but she is pretty much a lap cat and passive observer. She is getting out more. She is dying for spring so I will go out with her more often. As much as those two cats fight though, I can tell they do like each other. A lot. As Sassy is becoming more of an equal, Sam is liking her more and more. Mostly.
It is a fine day to be alive. I am hoping to figure out how to get some things going. A bit more cleaning, work on the reloading bench, a bit of sorting, and some gun cleaning are roughly on the list for when the brute can be bothered. Bits and pieces, scattered efforts, all heading... somewhere. Later.
.
I received part of my order today, from Cabela's. I have yet to try on the pants, two sizes. My 42 waist pants are starting to be uncomfortably loose. A belt only does so much. Still, I am not quite a 38 yet either. Or am I? I will find out. Many old jeans will go away, though I will save a small pile of them purely for work. I do intend to work, when I can. Lawn work if nothing else, but I have some other things on the menu. I received one of the stools, the one without a back. It is cheap, plastic, odd, but it will do. It is also convenient, light, and seems strong enough. We will see. I received one of two of the magazine loading devices for a late Christmas present for my friend. Who knows when the rest of it will show up. The missing stool was supposed to be in stock when I ordered, but the larger magazine loading device was on a one week backorder. I will not complain though really, just note.
The day is sunny, most of the time. Clouds have moved in and out, making for a fun (to me) day. I like a little bit of a mixture to my weather, all save freezing rain is good to me. I like some sun and some shadow, I like rain and snow and clear. I absolutely love thunderstorms, even when I might get caught out in one. It is just how I am. I am savoring the last drops of winter. Only for summer do I wish for a quick brutal end to the season. That last two weeks to month tries every bone of patience I have in me. And the high heat part of the season also tests my nerves. Still, I try my best to enjoy even that.
Sassy continues to be my little fruitbasket. Jumping and scratching, whoever or whatever, playing with cords, figuring out just what might make Sam actually get up and do something about whatever she is doing (or what can get pop-o off his chair, out of bed, or even moving quicker). A little rascal and I do love her for it. She, like all girls, just wants to have fun! Thank God she cannot do makeup or get pregnant. That is all I am saying right there. Sam continues to be the rock, mostly. Oh, she goes through her girly stages, and playful moments, but she is pretty much a lap cat and passive observer. She is getting out more. She is dying for spring so I will go out with her more often. As much as those two cats fight though, I can tell they do like each other. A lot. As Sassy is becoming more of an equal, Sam is liking her more and more. Mostly.
It is a fine day to be alive. I am hoping to figure out how to get some things going. A bit more cleaning, work on the reloading bench, a bit of sorting, and some gun cleaning are roughly on the list for when the brute can be bothered. Bits and pieces, scattered efforts, all heading... somewhere. Later.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
A nice day for a trip.
.
.
It was rough, getting up this morning. Lower caffeine has bungled my scheduling a bit. I am hoping to normalize and get back on track with less caffeine. It is sad to think how many things we are hooked on. Not caffeine? Not food? How about habits all by themselves? Do you have routines that if disrupted cause you to be out of sorts? Probably. We all have something. One of my problems with starting medicine is two fold, actually. But you could say it comes down to losing access. Whether I fail to take it on time (I never take too much, I often lose track and do not take it). Of course, there is always the fact that what the doctor giveth, the doctor can take away.
Still, I answered my the phone this morning. My friend called to give me a little help getting going. I did stay in bed a bit after that, though not too long. The rest of the day was smooth. A shower, dressing, and driving were flawless. I did not even feel exhausted today. I am sort of watching my nickels, so I was hoping not to spend too much today. In the first place we stopped, though, I found some Under Armor t-shirts that looked, felt, and are perfect. And at a reasonable (to me) price of $20 per. Being a bit unsure about size, I even asked to use the changing room. They are perfect in spite of not being described as tall sized. Oh, and... I am looking much better. I may not be a body builder but compared to last year and for a decade before that, I am looking much better. Then as we were heading to the next stop I noticed a Home Depot. I know the local Home Depot carried the brand, just not the particular product I wanted. So, I stopped at the one in Ogden (or one of them?). Sure enough, right there. I checked the display model, made sure it was right. When that checked, I picked up my first random orbit sander! But, to nickels. Yes, pop-o spent like mom-o at a flea market, chocolate boutique, or clothes store. Meh, not really. No, a hundred and thirty dollars is not quite a spending spree. Still... it is to me.
My friend found bullets, more bullets, and then some loaded bullets. I do need to get him out shooting sometime soon. He is going to get backlogged way to far in those! He must have four or five thousands loads for each of his calibers! He likes to load, he likes to shoot. It is his one thing and he loves it. I sure wish I could find him a job unloading bullets using a gun. :) He would seriously do it all day long and not even think about it.
I grabbed something to eat on our way from home. And while it was good, I was getting a bit hungry on the way back. A stop at another place, and we both ended up fed and happy. Life is good. I really need to figure out how to get out more and to other places. Avalanche warnings are on high, at the moment, so the backcountry is not it. I do not even care to challenge passes. It is snowing today, and I have it on luke-warmly reliable sources that a huge storm will be coming in Thursday and will stay for four or five days. What to do? I know if it is good in the morning on Thursday, I hope to grab my friend, some guns, and see if we can beat the weather and get out shooting.
Have a great day.
.
It was rough, getting up this morning. Lower caffeine has bungled my scheduling a bit. I am hoping to normalize and get back on track with less caffeine. It is sad to think how many things we are hooked on. Not caffeine? Not food? How about habits all by themselves? Do you have routines that if disrupted cause you to be out of sorts? Probably. We all have something. One of my problems with starting medicine is two fold, actually. But you could say it comes down to losing access. Whether I fail to take it on time (I never take too much, I often lose track and do not take it). Of course, there is always the fact that what the doctor giveth, the doctor can take away.
Still, I answered my the phone this morning. My friend called to give me a little help getting going. I did stay in bed a bit after that, though not too long. The rest of the day was smooth. A shower, dressing, and driving were flawless. I did not even feel exhausted today. I am sort of watching my nickels, so I was hoping not to spend too much today. In the first place we stopped, though, I found some Under Armor t-shirts that looked, felt, and are perfect. And at a reasonable (to me) price of $20 per. Being a bit unsure about size, I even asked to use the changing room. They are perfect in spite of not being described as tall sized. Oh, and... I am looking much better. I may not be a body builder but compared to last year and for a decade before that, I am looking much better. Then as we were heading to the next stop I noticed a Home Depot. I know the local Home Depot carried the brand, just not the particular product I wanted. So, I stopped at the one in Ogden (or one of them?). Sure enough, right there. I checked the display model, made sure it was right. When that checked, I picked up my first random orbit sander! But, to nickels. Yes, pop-o spent like mom-o at a flea market, chocolate boutique, or clothes store. Meh, not really. No, a hundred and thirty dollars is not quite a spending spree. Still... it is to me.
My friend found bullets, more bullets, and then some loaded bullets. I do need to get him out shooting sometime soon. He is going to get backlogged way to far in those! He must have four or five thousands loads for each of his calibers! He likes to load, he likes to shoot. It is his one thing and he loves it. I sure wish I could find him a job unloading bullets using a gun. :) He would seriously do it all day long and not even think about it.
I grabbed something to eat on our way from home. And while it was good, I was getting a bit hungry on the way back. A stop at another place, and we both ended up fed and happy. Life is good. I really need to figure out how to get out more and to other places. Avalanche warnings are on high, at the moment, so the backcountry is not it. I do not even care to challenge passes. It is snowing today, and I have it on luke-warmly reliable sources that a huge storm will be coming in Thursday and will stay for four or five days. What to do? I know if it is good in the morning on Thursday, I hope to grab my friend, some guns, and see if we can beat the weather and get out shooting.
Have a great day.
Monday, February 21, 2011
How can that be?
.
.
That is not right, just not right I say. I cut my caffeine intake in half. Fine, that is all good and fine. Problem? I cannot sleep. Here it is, 5:00 in the morning, and I am just now finally maybe able to find sleep. I was probably drinking four to eight caffeine drinks a day, large glasses on coffee days. It did keep me awake, and I had thought it might be what was stretching my day, drinking in the afternoon being the main culprit. So why am I unable to sleep with half or less of the caffeine, and that stretched throughout the day? Some things I will simply never understand. Oh, why not just quit cold turkey? One word, headache. It is good to know one's limitations and this is one of mine. I suppose I could ween myself to zero caffeine. It probably would be better for me, maybe. But I also know, from having done that, my sleep cycles would become viciously erratic. I would not be able to tell day from night from week from month. As bad as I am it can get worse.
I am definitely in a pickle. I will have to figure some things out quickly. Yes, mother, to whatever you were going to say. I am pushing every button I know how to push, talking to anyone who might be able to help, and looking for every venue to shine I can find. It has been a bleak little while. Still, I have hope. It may be all I have. Then again, I have heard it said that it is only the hopeless who may truly understand hope? Maybe. Wait, though. I do not consider myself hopeless. Just... as I said... in a pickle. I will just have to find a deli which can make use of one such as me. :p
Good... night? morning? Whatever. I am going to bed.
.
That is not right, just not right I say. I cut my caffeine intake in half. Fine, that is all good and fine. Problem? I cannot sleep. Here it is, 5:00 in the morning, and I am just now finally maybe able to find sleep. I was probably drinking four to eight caffeine drinks a day, large glasses on coffee days. It did keep me awake, and I had thought it might be what was stretching my day, drinking in the afternoon being the main culprit. So why am I unable to sleep with half or less of the caffeine, and that stretched throughout the day? Some things I will simply never understand. Oh, why not just quit cold turkey? One word, headache. It is good to know one's limitations and this is one of mine. I suppose I could ween myself to zero caffeine. It probably would be better for me, maybe. But I also know, from having done that, my sleep cycles would become viciously erratic. I would not be able to tell day from night from week from month. As bad as I am it can get worse.
I am definitely in a pickle. I will have to figure some things out quickly. Yes, mother, to whatever you were going to say. I am pushing every button I know how to push, talking to anyone who might be able to help, and looking for every venue to shine I can find. It has been a bleak little while. Still, I have hope. It may be all I have. Then again, I have heard it said that it is only the hopeless who may truly understand hope? Maybe. Wait, though. I do not consider myself hopeless. Just... as I said... in a pickle. I will just have to find a deli which can make use of one such as me. :p
Good... night? morning? Whatever. I am going to bed.
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