So very tired.

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In part because it seems darker out there.  Haze, clouds, some of each?  After checking while putting the ducks in, definitely both.  Watering again.  Some areas don't need it at all, some areas have gone down hill fast, working on it.  An hour for the back and side, more up front.  Then two to four days off.  More downtime if it rains.

I keep drifting into morning before sleeping.  The last three days to three.  It's the meds?  Mostly.  On them, recently, restarting, opening up the house in a timely fashion hasn't been successful, which makes it too warm to do other things including get to sleep.  Which means I am awake well beyond exhaustion and while overheated.

Tonight it will be done right.  But at 18:30 it is still 77°.  It will be a bit.

Ah-hah.

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Youtube went dead.  Flat.  No music, no changes, became disconnected with feedback loops.  It remains that way.  Then I remembered.  It is China's bitch.

Some of it.

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A shower.  Then plans to buy feed.  Laundry started.  One load in the dryer, one finished washing.  Te one in the dryer would have been done but I tried a fluff run.  Not a chance.  A few things extra, here and there, while trying to find my keys.  Keys?  The little car keys.  I still haven't found them!

I am out of feed.  I called around.  I found feed, I can buy.  Too late for a trip to the feed store.  But a bag of feed.  While I also can't get out for a feed barrel, I can use a new unused larger trash can and contractor bags (no chemicals added).  Actually, if it works, keeps mice out, I may keep it rather than buy new.

Anyway...  I thought the feed was going fast.  Too fast.  Won't happen again, one way or another.  Oh, and mouse tricks and traps soon.  With the ducks low on food, I found a tiny mouse drowned in a water container.  It couldn't have crawled in.  I think the ducks did it.  In the shed, with a bill.  Kewl.

A shower, laundry, meds ordered, cheese and pepperoni baked crackers, meds taken... and a lot of looking for keys.  Gah.  The headache is back with a vengeance.  I won't set up dishes until a second shower tomorrow.  I may shave yet tonight.  And attempt to finish laundry.  As well, the sideyard, closer to the home, is getting watered.  That will be all for tonight, for watering.  I really do have a much better lawn this year.  The best, in spite of my error in not watering until so late.

Oh, yesterday I tried some of the old meat.  The pork was strong and tough, not quite feral hog strong, but it was a challenge.  The beef amazed.  Good, given the cut it was as if fresh!  I will try another cut of pork tonight, chops.  If I can't do that, I'll... surrender for that.  If I will try the pork sausage, mild Italian, might have held up better.

At least I have some meat.  Actually, I will cook that tomorrow.  I'll heat up chicken leftover tonight.  It was quite good, don't wish to waste.  Later.  Or good night.

A new day.

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Still morning, here, barely.  The ducks are out, and out of food.  When I buy food I will also be picking up a trash type can.  Plastic... rubber... might work.  I would rather galvanized.  I'm not sure I believe in non-metal, if even those if not kept dry.  Yea, I'd best get... going.  Especially knowing that starting now means a three hour functional start as is.  It sometimes sucks to be me.

Meds and aspirin first thing.  Morning and afternoon headaches have become dailies as carvedilol is being added.  I've had much worse.  I may end up with much worse.  I have two more dose jumps.  First, the 3.125 mg, which boosts me to over half, probably for a week, then to the other 6.5.  I will be shifting up more quickly.  Even with the headaches, which are relatively mild, and the mild crippling, this medicine start is less painful.  I haven't lost awareness so as to fall off it.  I think it is all the summer sun and warmth.  This is harsh in the winter.

No good reason to check bp.  Then again, getting in practice wouldn't be a bad thing.  BP will be from terrible to horrible until I get back to dose and maintain it for a while.  I may even, at my next visit, double the small lower dose pill.  Between diminishing returns and the limits of my capacity to take this med... it may be as good as I can get, without a boost.

I got up in a hurry, when I  saw the time.  Couldn't remember if I had closed up the downstairs.  It got to at least 88° F (31.1 C) yesterday, if dipping to at least 48° F (~ 8.9 C) last night.  So summer is neither dead nor toothless, even if splendidly cooler around certain corners.  Thankfully it was all buttoned up.  A pleasant 71°.  Upstairs, just on fan mode, on one machine, and another fan, it was 68°.  Perfect for sleep.

The electric company billed at about $87?  Given ac, two of them for most or all of that billing time actually, plus three to four fans much of the time, on top of regular use?  Excellent.  I believe I have cut, over my last system configuration.  Now that I have settings, systems, and rigging down, I'll bet I can shave another twenty off a month.  Well, and that is more double, triple, or more than my typical bill... at least now that, when awake at night, I don't leave every light on.  :P

Yea, I best get... going.  I will start a load of laundry.  By the time it goes into the dryer... given it's "high efficiency" (lazy) nature, which means wash cycles take one and an half to two and an half hours...  I should be ready to shower, and start a load of whites.  *sigh*  Still, it is much gentler on the clothes.  That... is the real advantage.  It is taking twenty washes before aging is noticed, or more, versus five to seven.  By the time I notice aging, a standard washer would have killed the shirt, even jeans.  More so if I remember to turn them inside out.  Later.

Dark days.

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They mean  it.  They are pushing for it.  We will get it if better minds fail.

Another day.

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Blood sugar is 136 fasting.  Not perfect, not improving quickly, better than 450, even 225.  I am experimenting with new foods... pepperoni and cheese chips.  Little piles of cheese, or pepperoni coins, baked in the oven for fifteen to twenty five minutes.  Tasty, if I don't think you would want to eat very much.  It vastly improves cheap pepperonis.  Oh, and putting them together, like a mini pizza, is fantastic.  Hmm, I'm thinking mushroom topping too!

Medicine is down.  Going on six days without a miss.  I need to call the V.A. for more of everything.  And to check on their filing with social security.  Insulin is working better, as a regular dose medicine, regardless if I eat or not.  Otherwise I don't eat and blood sugar still goes up.  I must assume there is a lot of sugar simply stored in both protein... muscles... and fat.  Or it is stored in some of it.  As a squirrel seeks nuts, the brain of my metabolism seeks the sweets stored.  Which is why, after years of keto, I am still insulin resistant?  It is my suspicion.

Ducks are out, their pool is filling.  It is already... 86°.  Oh, noon?  I had thought it was ten, still.  Time sure flies sometimes.  A shower shortly.  Laundry... I didn't start it, but everything is back and ready to wash.  Dishes can be started after that.  Not all that many dishes, but a lot of jars.  I purchased stuff made specifically for jars.  Hard to get fat out... from high fat cream and milk.  Work, I need to get going.  The thing is, if I heat up it will be very difficult to cool off.  So working at a slower pace is wise.

Oh, the chicken was very good.  At only six months, that was expected.  I have older pork and much older beef thawed.  I will grill more later.  I actually prefer to grill meat to be reheated.  It works much better.  And with more to cook, it works out.  Having small portions of several meats is also better than having a single larger meat main dish.  Later.

A few projects.

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Grass is getting watered.  No need to mow.  The ducks have put up.  I finally got into the drop-in freezer, the big one.  The little one isn't in use currently.  Ice chipping, inventory taking, and pulling some meat to thaw.  So hungry, I just couldn't get to it.  Some of it is really old, some of it is fresh.  Fresher.  I'll know how bad or good it is shortly.  Some of what is thawing is the oldest stuff.

I had chicken thighs from mid-winter, February if I had to bet.  It is on a fast thaw.  I am so terribly hungry.  Chia and fatted drinks, even eggs, are only edible without meat tossed in for just so long.  I couldn't eat more.  I am hoping most or all of the meat is... at least good enough.  If not, a couple slabs of chuck roast soon.

I will attempt a few more things, then to get to bed earlier.  More work tomorrow, and business.  Blood sugar is okay.  It was 135 fasting, 106 a bit ago.  No food yet, but a dose.  Three a day, 10 cc's normal, 15 cc's or more with meals, depending on the meal... but trying to keep it at 15 cc's max.  Watching what I eat.  Later.

Thoughts of echoes.

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As to the request?  Fine!  Save one more sentence.

Able to track.

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For the first time in a week give or take I was able to remember bedtime and check and keep the time I woke in my mind, roughly, within an half hour for bedtime, truer on waking.  I have been curious about sleep and wakefulness patterns.  Going by yesterday and last night, Sleep seems regular.  I believe sleep has been similar mostly lately, so between seven and nine hours.  It is my awake time that has been stretching.

Knowing is a start to fixing.  It is a medicine thing too though, so there isn't a lot I can do, save be patient.  But becoming able to track is a good start, even if it can't be used.  Awareness is always the beginning.  I have gone through years without awareness.  Sleeping for weeks, months.  It is good to begin knowing.

I'll get the trash barrel in when the ducks go away.  A shower and shave first.  Set up dishes. A small batch, and start laundry.  Actually, I will start laundry right after this.  I wash all save whites on cool or cold, so it shouldn't interfere with a shower should I go faster than anticipated.  Yes, a start.  I am almost sure.  Oh, best feed the cats.  Getting growly.

I might be able to hit it this week.  Later.

Trash is out.

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Recycling too.  Only one small bag of that, so it didn't go to the curb with the trash, which was stuffed.  It's 7:00, and I am just getting to bed.  So tired.  Took forever, and had to push through.  So tired the whole time.  Currently I am always exhausted, if I can't always sleep.

Good morning and night.

Everything is a bit off.

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Starting medicine has side effects.  Doing it in high summer doubles the effects.  Going with a lower dose helps.  That it is cool helps.  Somehow I completely lost track of days and nights.  I am not sure if I have slept too much or too little, stayed awake too long or short, and or any combinations of those.

On the good side, if by pushing things once, I have kept up on medicine, of both sorts.  Blood sugar is 130 average for the week, with 130s to 150s being common fasting reads.  I have made a change.  Since consumption is down, I am adding 10 cc doses in there.  I am trying to dose three times a day, taking reads several hours after each dose, skipping if it is too low.

I wanted to get to bed hours ago.  The thing is I want to get trash and recycling out.  The problem with that is my butt seems glued to my seat!  I think it will get done, in a bit.  Aspirin might help.  Headaches go with starting medicine.  As does insomnia, extra dysfunction, and foggy thinking.  I'll... see about it.

It was 64°, I think, last I checked.  I forgot to open up, so it is still 73°  in the main, 75°up front.  I am in such a pickle I wouldn't know if I was on fire.  I just opened it all up, it should cool swiftly.  A shower too, tonight.  I really enjoy those.  I... a bit of music to get going.  Later.

Somebody knew where to look.

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It almost startles me.  Sometimes it takes a day or three, or not.

After clarifying, back to the regularly scheduled programming.  The video feed was shut off, again, for a while.  Then it went live again.  I could see her outline.

Well?

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I think I found the overheating problem, at the least a solution.  Tea and water, about a gallon.  I wasn't cooling, even as the temperature dropped to 68°.  I started drinking, then started cooling.  I have been drinking less in the last few days.  It caught up with me.  I would guess an half gallon a day for the last five to ten days.  Eating less as well.  I just can't eat or drink.

Crazy, but I lose no weight, nor gain as I increase consumption.  Anyway...

I ended up being so cold I zoned.  Finally remembered to go on to bed around three.  It was about 62° outside, 68° indoors, except upstairs where it was 66°.  When I went down, I turned off the better ac.  It was 70° this morning up there... the top range, but within, for a perfect sleep.  As long as my internal thermostat doesn't set to fry.

Downstairs was 68°/64° main/front, 68° outdoors, at a bit after ten.  I just shut the front door, it is 71° but still chill in the main, 68° up front.  I have learned to rig the cave for cool, if it has also been a cool summer.  We have been verging on fall weather.  Apparently Iowa is similar, while Texas is roasting to the point electricity is becoming exorbitant.  Still, keeping it at 73° on a 90° plus day takes... some knowledge and effort. If drinking enough fluid has to be remembered.  Dry and hot.

I am hoping to shower, shave, mow, shower again, then set up dishes and laundry.  No dishes, other than a soak, today.  Maybe laundry.  I will go through shirts.  I ordered, a few months ago, enough shirts to replace the old and worn, plus have replacements in stock.  I don't mind old t-shirts, but other old shirts I don't want around.  Some make great rags, some just are good for nothing.  The final group finally arrived.  Odd.

Well, that is the hope.  Today is the fourth day back on pill medicine.  Slight headaches in the days before and after restarting are diminishing.  Usually gone by now, as I wake, if milder today.  Aspirin, I do believe.  I weary of pain, an occasional break is good if possible.  Still, life might be heading back to a better trim.  Have a great morning, day.

Oh, right.  Can't do this currently, it is on my mind.  I have a spare drop in freezer that would work.  The thermostatic controllers are only about ~$35.  It's the meats and processing area cleanliness which would be a trick.  And, with the cheese, it is a lot of work and exactitude.  I'm not sure how forgiving it is.  Still...

A nap.

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Crashed at about 18:30.  No real choice.  Had hoped to sleep until morning.  Nothing was on, it was 73°... too warm... so one ac and the fan were turned on.  Sometimes 73° is fine, not today.  I woke right at 21:30.  Hot!  The temperature read 72°, which is often fine.  Not tonight.  I turned on the other ac, it just wasn't cutting it.

Up.  Out.  Simply could not handle the heat.  It was too early, when I  went to bed, to open the downstairs up.  It was 73° in the main, 77° in the front room, but with fans going, it was less... stifling.  Well, and I wasn't laying down.  Why did 72° feel so warm?  Blood sugar!?!  Nope, 106 fasting since 13:00.  Starting the other meds?

Whatever the case may be, I will chill a bit, then try to get more sleep, and soon.  I'd like to keep days, that has been slipping.  I saw the opportunity to sleep early and grabbed it.  I have some hope to chill everywhere enough to get back to bed at a reasonable time.  But I am absolutely burning up!  We'll see.  Later.

Clarifications.

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Such bitter hits.  Oh, I know shes can and will leave... a bad taste... from time to time.  But this was different.  And... it wasn't coming from my target.  At least one who was a muse, though likely two, who believed they are still on my list.  They simply don't understand, when I cut you loose, that is that.  No interest?  Kewl.

She listens...

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Does she hear?  As well as she can, will, dares.  Probably.

Do you remember?

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It was written, when foxes visit...  It is time.  The temple is to be rebuilt.

J'accuse!

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Someone.  I suspect whom.

Rather shot.

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It was 68° outside, 68° and 65° main and front, 66° upstairs, when I woke.  Only had one ac running, the good one.  It must have really cooled through the night, in the early morning, because it was only down to 68°last I checked within an half hour either side of ten.  All good.  But the cool keeps surprising me.

Even with the cool, it is still high summer.  Too much sun.  I could only imagine equatorial living.  That and polar living provide the bookends of extremes.  I vastly prefer the middle.  At least spring and fall offer some time to function.  For me, the other seasons are merely survival.  Even as pleasant as it has been.  All that sun...

Hopefully being back on meds will help. One day, half the usual dose, no troubles yet.  I had thought to go up to five water pills, flurosimide at 40 mg per.  Decided to try just three, for a few days.  Surprised again.  It looks like three was quite enough.  I am already nearly back to trim, contemplating cutting back to two.  Can't seem to cut it altogether, or even to one.  So, I actually doubt the fraction ejection number.  My heart is still back dumping blood into my lungs.  I am down to a gallon a day, as diabetes is mostly controlled.

Blood sugar is 152 fasting.  I just can't seem to eat enough to dose enough to get lower fasting numbers.  And, from experience, that is what it takes.  As well, hitting the right amount of insulin.  Too much won't lower, might raise, the reading.  Too little won't change it enough.  I really need to eat and dose two to three times a day, within six to ten hours.  Intermittent helps sometimes, not others.  It does help to track eating, so grazing all day is less likely.  I just can't eat right in high summer.

Best let the ducks out.  No watering of anything for several days.  I can go look over the lawn, just to get bits of sun and check the grass out.  If I am going to bother growing it, I ought to go out and enjoy it.  Crazy, but it feels like fall is happening.  The leaves aren't changing, at least there is that.  Later.
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Looking over what shows as having been read, someone hit on a music video which fits the mood or sensation of what I described as surviving high summer.  Even pain is muted.  As mentioned, if you have seen the other side, even if you don't know fully, you do know.  Faith is for the blind, the hopefully, and too often for the damned.  Whoever does that, does it far too often to be coincidence, whether intended or not.  ...  I think they have the bug.

Almost certain.

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Actually, watering took longer than anticipated.  It just did, for good and wrong reasons.  The ducks enjoyed the heck out of it.  Next month I am hoping to purchase more of the sprinkler that works so well.  One just as a backup, can only really use two on full blast.  Then again, often the areas being watered don't need, actually prohibit, full water pressure.  It would sure help get everything watered quickly, if I remember to set the timer.  Bleh.

One product obtained this month was a very good, keto friendly, sardine in marinara.  I don't, generally, prefer that.  If most is little more than overcooked fish mush in catchup.  I enjoyed this brand in evo oil, a great deal.  And variety helps me eat.  It is excellent.  Next month, or the month after, lemon.  Oh, and while Sam and Sassy refuse the regular sardines, Sam cleaned the container with the marinara absolutely spotless.  Very strange, but so be it.  I will be sure to leave her a bit.

Which reminds me...  A dream, the other day, of every time a woman kin, lover, or even friend as such a notion goes, wanted a bite of something I was eating.  Often I refused to the point of bitterness.  Something about girl cooties?  I shared with (some, certain) pals.  If that was clearly quid pro quo, unless they were running on empty.  And I trusted them to be clean, not queer, and stuff.

Every event?  A lot of them.  Oh, I know.  A woman begging food is, for them, a solid.  It means they think of you as I thought of my chums.  I... regret my reactions.  I would share, if on a quid pro quo basis as well.  Only I would choose when to beg.  Chocolate!  I don't know why I dreamed that, I just know I want that to be different now.

Oh, and old music surfaced.  I am almost certain why.  As with the want to share where I didn't before, I will share these.