Up.

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It looks like the Trump presidency is turning up the heat, and going on the offensive.  They had to wait for this, and that, plus legal sparring takes time... things have to cook to a point where they can be argued, sued, handled, or announced.  It... just takes time.  I am not a patient man.  I wanted it, and now.  Belief is weak, especially in politicians.  Even president Trump.

Yes, I am on his side.  I didn't vote for him.  He didn't build the wall.  He won't build the wall.  Still, given the fraud I had zero doubts about from the start, and what that meant for the future, I have no choice but to support him.  He is right.  His claims are legal, binding, and etc.  However, that means nothing if you don't have physical and legal defense that can withstand what is being thrown his way, even attacking his legal teams... one already took the ticket and sold out.

Supporting president Trump is not a safe thing.  If he wins, decides to fight through, he will... possibly... go after those involved with the conspiracy.  The little fish?  Probably not.  The double voters, who live in two states, and others?  Doubtful.  Though he should strip them of their claim to a vote, ability to contribute to candidates, and their ability to participate in elections... but I don't see that... assuming he wins.

He won't be able to strip the bureaucracies of Trump-supporter haters.  We will still be facing their wrath and hate.  Remember, a large swath of government bureaucrats ARE antifa and/or blm.  So, supporting him has few upsides, and a lot of downsides... for those of us who depend on one system or another.  Heck, the medical field is filled with American and Trump haters.  Haters, not dislikers.  Believe it.  From x-ray techs, to accountants and front desk people, to the doctors and nurses.

So, yes, risks.  And... no matter how correct he may be, if a nation is corrupted, from courts to representatives, to the military... and there is some of that, probably a lot of that... to police forces... being right comes down to what you can defend.  The people, obviously, are with him.  But there is a limit in what we could do.  Coordination, etc.  He will have to depend on what is still American, and legal and moral, to defend his claims, and support his legitimacy.  That is more the catch, for me, than anything else.

Will he win?  Win lose or draw, he has my support until this has been sorted.  I still won't vote for him.  I will merely support the will of the people as legitimately voted.  Nothing more.  Until or unless he builds the wall, pretty much completely.  And raises it another ten... if it is failing.  Plus, keeping border patrol active and at similar levels, with even more lethal capacity.  Run?  Die.

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On another topic, it seems I have been shunned.  One of the catholic pages... I'm all but sure... decided a recent post was a bit too much.  Either that or they have been censored.  Being the only page to no longer be available, I am suspecting it is the former.  So be it.  I made no such claims, merely noted an anomaly which might indicate someone else did, or was jacking with me.  Still, you gotta do what you gotta do.

At first it stung.  But... stings are good.  They made me wake up and think about what I wrote.  If I indicated more that what I present here?  It is a miss-reading or miss-writing.  A, there are no living saints, b, I wouldn't count myself among such if they existed... too flawed, c, it actually frightened me to think someone else might have thought such a thing... made that connection.  But, as mentioned, you do you.

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Oh, today?  Well, to it if I can.  I have managed the cold.  I have slept a goodly bit.  It feels like days of sleep.  I'm not in good shape, but I'm not in great pain or exhaustion.  I'll.... I'll do what I can.  A shower shortly.  Dishes and laundry have been ongoing and nearly done, and will continue.  And, hopefully, out to the cages.  Tick-tock.  I seem out of time before I realize I am being timed!  Ugh.  Later.

Just enough.

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Awake time.  Just enough to get the ducks in.  They didn't want to go in.  I was able to get the indian runners and the muscovy drake in.  The muscovy ladies just would not go in.  Fine.  They can get in on their own, so I don't worry about them.  Herc has a heck of a time.  Between his week flying and that by the time he decides to try to get in, he can't see... it's too dark, he and the runners are the only ones which need put away.  Still, I would rather the hens go in too.  Refuse, they do.  So be it.

Wast it 17:00 or 18:00 when I went down?  After staying up to put them in, I lost track.  Something about... pushing too far past needing to sleep can make getting to be difficult.  I woke a bit before midnight.  I'm not sure I am awake for the day, I have no real control at the moment.  Sleeping six, twelve, eighteen, even longer, hours in a row, then being awake for just four to eight hours.  No control.  Nor do I have any idea when... it is.  Days are going by at a moment, or I seem to be awake for days.

I can sleep through a day whole, but when I am awake, even for short periods, it is as if that few hours lasts a week.  Odd how perception can be.  It's as if a record is put on the wrong setting, or a tape begins to stretch.  Time... the perception of it... alters.  The thing is, asleep or awake, I am so very tired all of the time.  I don't know when it is, or... was... will be?  Lost in some sort of ether time-space anomaly.

I have fixed, for the now, being too cold.  For now.  I'll get going on other things soon.  Soon?  Soon.

Later.

So very cold!

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I had been fine, lately.  Not today.  I am absolutely freezing.  It isn't even all that cold outside... or wasn't?  It's just above freezing, so... not really all that bad.  I don't know.  I added extra layers, missing one as a shower is still in the hoping.  Then again, replaced it with only a slightly less warm option, plus turned the heat up.  It doesn't compute.  Ah... probably the moisture.  No... it's reading 37% humidity... at least indoors.  But when it's wet outside, and above freezing, that moisture seems to get right into the bones... carries on every breeze, creeps through even layers of clothes.

Freezing.  Toe hurting type of cold.  Even have a warmer jacket on.  Finger are cold.  Blarmy.  A hot fatted tea or coffee, or two... would be good.  I'll get on that.

Oh... someone is trying to signal... something.  I had heard of this, just... hadn't... thought... things through.  Okay, yea, I hear you.  True?  I don't know.  I only write what I saw.  I don't even always consider... everything... all the way through.  I don't think any more about some of what I perceive, or do, or whatnot... than I think abut putting on my boots, or brushing my teeth, or such.  It just happens, and I seem to be roughly involved.

As I slip back to sleep...

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I remember someone who wondered about my guilt.  Questioned it.

Guilt?  Oh, yes.  They saw it as a weakness.  I see it as a gift.  Not the bearing of it, I hand it over as well and responsibly as possible.  But there is always... a bit of it around.  Confessing a sin, while that is good, there is often still a yearning for the sin confessed.  So, not always can the sin be fully surrendered.  Perhaps, over time.  With effort and will and work, it can eventually be rooted and burned entirely.  So, guilt will remain, to some degree.  For me, for now.

Aye, but that guilt is the blessing of the knowledge of salvation, the wanting of it, knowing what is wrong and rejecting it, if not quite fully yet, and more.  It is a mark that one is on the path.

Besides?  I could sense her guilt, and great shame.  She remembers things she has done to "prove" various things.  Things she didn't want to do.  Things she knew were wrong, on many levels.  Evil.  She knows it.  She could bury it from herself, but not from one such as me or that bit of her who knows God.  I even... saw some of her great guilts, even for just injuring herself... not just the injuries, but how they were done.  Though there were... others.  And, yes, she knows.  She just refuses to acknowledge what she knows.

Terrible things to see.  Be glad you can't see.  The most beautiful women can be the worst of monsters.  Know that.  I have seen it, plainly.  I'm not sure they have control anymore.  Some of them.  Though... this one... I did tell her there is a way back.  And, for her, there is.  If... she chose it.

So... guilt?  Well, it's as with slavery to God.  It is the least of the best, but on the way.  When I cannot do God's will, I attempt to be His slave.  When I cannot fully release the want of a sin performed, I can nurse guilt.  The lessor ways, the "easier" ways (so it seems, but truth is, letting go is far easier, when done rightly).  As with being a slave... better to become a servant, then even on to a child, than to remain a slave.  But that takes... training, learning, will, strengthened virtues... or surrendering to the darkness and going on to deaths of various sorts.

Such... thoughts.  It... must be Sunday?  Ha!  Who would have guessed.  Oh, and amen.

The phone...

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I finally figured some things out on it.  Calling my mother, yesterday, was the easy thing.  Adding a few contacts was next.  Not bad.  Then to texting.  Oh... what a horrible experience.  I can receive texts, but sending return texts... probably won't happen often.  No punctuation marks, not even a period... or not quickly, that I can see.  You have to go to another menu for those.  No... just... no.

I won't text often, but that is fine.  I have a number now, and can make a few calls.  And receive calls.  And receive texts.  A very good start.  Cost a lot, but that was plan and phone, so... all good.  With no sell-back value, I am going to tape over the camera.  It's not a good one anyway.  Just understand, your camera isn't really for you.  Even on these simple phones, it can be a viewer or a camera for... whoever.  Heck, they can probably take pictures with your phone and send them to themselves, or people on your list.

That fob, recently fired for masturbating in a virtual meeting?  I'd bet dollars to donuts he was jacked.  Not that I care about that one.  The ones who dumped him wanted the slot for a young, lesbian, zit of color?  Or, just didn't like that he looks like an old white guy.  He isn't, but close enough at this point.  Yea, believe as you wish.  Not your camera, phone, or mic.  You just carry it.

I did text my mother and a friend, to let them know.  I think, from now on, putting contacts into the phone?  I'll call, whoever, first.  Then add that call in as a contact.  It's not fun to create contacts on these phones.  They aren't well suited for much.  I can see why my mother hates these, for certain things.  They are simpler, but are they any more secure?  Won't be using them for as much though, so... it's more about getting your phone number jacked.  Even with my smart phone, when it was relatively new, that was done locally... if when living in Logan.

Ugh, not sure I'm ready to be awake quite yet.  So much sleep, still tired.  Can't quite wake.  I will reset the laundry and dishes, then crash for a bit longer.  Later. 

So tired.

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I stayed up long enough to get the birds away.  I can get them to go in earlier than sundown, but it takes a bit of patience.  A novelty I am not currently in possession.  I also put one more load of laundry through.  The woolens are dry, but I had a few other things to hang to air dry.  And the two blankets were put into the dryer.  I'll be checking those shortly.  Probably another run for them.

I did put the new sheets on.  Wonderful.  Quite nice.  I'm not sure a top sheet works for me.  I roll like a bear, often.  As well, I kick my feet out for cooling from time to time.  The top sheet ends up in a ball... somewhere.  I am going to keep trying it.  It has nice qualities.  Tucking doesn't work.  Anyway...  After this set of blankets is finished, I will wash a few more, until all of my blankets are clean for winter.  I am rethinking adding another set of pillow cases to the pillows.  Doubling up just... seems better.  I don't, technically, need it.  I just think it will allow the pillows to last a bit longer, and stay in better condition generally for their duration.

I have no idea when I went to bed.  Perhaps 19:00?  I woke several times through the night, but it didn't really catch, until about 04:00.  I sit, after fussing with a few things.  I'll get to laundry, then litter, and reset dishes?  Shortly?  Ah, and fresh tea.  Perhaps something for breakfast.  I think I missed slow acting insulin last night.  It's difficult when all I am is crushingly tired.  Can't see through it.  See some things, do what I see... or what I can of what I see... then crash so hard tomorrow and today merge into yesterday before I can wake!  Bleh.

I'll... see about things.  Later.

Well? Not nothing!

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I... was out of bird feed.  I thought the place was open, so went in to check.  Apparently... they aren't usually open on Saturdays.  Today was my lucky, and their unlucky, day.  They are behind, for whatever reason.  So they had to be there.  Office staff wasn't in, but the guys new the program and were able to get me out the door with enough food to keep the birds in feathers.  There was just enough to feed them today, just.

There water was thawed, or could be opened easily, this morning.  So, that was all good.  I will be leaving food in with them, from now on, overnight.  Plus water.  I just wish I had a plug or three out there, one definitely, for a water heater.  Nothing too potent, just enough.  And, I might pull the pool closer, and fill that sometimes.  Not all the time, just... sometimes.  A treat.  The indian runners love their baths, spring, summer, fall, and winter, snow, shine, hot or cold, but really only once in a while.  The muscovys don't bath at all, from what I have seen.  Air baths though... they do love that.

I went on in to town, to check on the phone.  Just in time, it seems.  I got my old number back, and a new flip-phone.  Nothing fancy, but it still cost a pretty penny.  Meh.  I let it charge.  It had to update, several times?  Then I called my mother.  Woke her, but she was torn between talking and sleeping, so we danced a bit through both.  *grins*  She will be calling back tonight.  Make sure it works.  So... two... deadlines... managed.  I am not sure how much longer  the phone had, but it had to be running down... to keep the number.

It's a pain to put the numbers into, but I will get that when I can.  So... tired.  You know it.  I just can't do much.  Headache, hungry, thirsty, sore, tired, frustrated.  I'm getting nowhere.  Nowhere at all.  I... yeah.

So, what?  I don't know.  I... can't get going.  Crashing.  Hard.  I'm wrestling with it.  I have coffee brewing.  Going to try.  Suspect failure.  Later.

She asked.

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First, a few warmups.  Just... go with it.

Between dreams, thoughts, and... visions.

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Just... a collection of thoughts and vids.  Makes sense to me, good luck for yourself.

Awake, again.

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I took my blood sugar, after waking earlier.  It was 136 at ~19:00.  No food since, sleeping most of the time, though I did take slow acting insulin as I went back to bed... whenever that was... a few hours after, so between 21:00 and 23:00, weighted more probably to the earlier range.  Waking, blood sugar is 256 double fasting.  Ugh.  Well, I'll keep at it.

I checked the ducks, and their water out of curiosity.  They are fine.  Their water has some ice, but wasn't iced through.  I broke it up.  I had thought to put food in with them, but... nah.  Not without water.  Further, the water may freeze solid before the sun comes up... if it comes up.  If it stays overcast it will, mostly, probably, be okay still.  I just don't want to feed them without being sure they will have water.  I'm not sure that is a thing, but... suspect it may be.

I am planning on another shower.  Then another load of laundry and dishes.  I brought down some of the blankets, and pillow cases, plus put on new pillowcases.  I was using one of the blankets as an impromptu sheet.  But with the new sheets in, and washed and dried finally, I will get those on.  I have enough for two sets of bottom and top flat sheets.  If they are suitable, and I like them, I will get a few more.  The pillow cases are fantastic as well.  I have enough for four changes... three changes plus one set on... something in there.  I have decided to use them on singly.  I had been doubling them.  It just isn't necessary.  It wouldn't stop bleed throughs anyway, merely double the number of cases which have to be washed.  I have towels for when I'm having bloody nose issues.  And they seem to work well.

So... yes.  Breakfast, as well.  Soon.  After a shower I think.  The ground is... it looks snowy, but is really more ice.  It was slush that looked like snow, then just froze down.  Crunchy.  I should salt the driveway.  That is about as much as I can do, initially.  The plow won't help with this much.  It is supposed to warm, though next week?  If... they tagged it correctly.  Later.

Was so tired.

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It doesn't take much to kick my legs out from under me.  It was a reasonable effort, this morning, though.  I tried to get to bed around noon, but it took until 14:00... give or take smaller change.  I woke at around 20:00.

Ducks.  Always, as soon and quickly as possible, I get out, do a head count, and shut them in.  Usually food in with them, but not tonight... or yet.  It is snowing.  Their food was out in a container in the yard and got all wet.  It snowed and rained tonight.  It was falling out of the trees by the snowball!  Ugh, as if I took a shower, just being out a minute or two.  And, yes, one hit exactly correctly to melt down from the back of my neck to my chill factor!  Wee!

I will probably get them food before too long.  For the next days or week, until this stops, I'll keep their food in the hutch.  I have been getting them water, so far, about three times a day.  It isn't all completely fresh, there isn't a lot of it, but it... is staying unfrozen with the frequent refilling... Actually, I should dump it at night.  No reason to put water in with them.  They don't use it when it is dark, and it will be frozen by dawn.

It was 18 degrees, as a starter, most of this morning.  I didn't see pre and just post sunup, this was later, say about 08:30~09:00... or so.  Oh, and it is a very wet snow, from being intermingled with rain, or raining first, or... whatever.  Unfortunately, there isn't enough for the plow to really take.  Or even a shovel?  It's pretty thin.  

It's sort of just a nasty thing.  More like an October thing, usually.  While we haven't had a summer, late fall and early winter have been strangely mild.  Next week is supposed to warm up again.  It should have turned, snowed us in maybe a bit, then now be a mostly hard cold, closed for winter, sort of thing.  I'll take it though.  I love my winter, I just have things I am trying to do.

As for work?  Like it or not, after I get waken, if I am definitely up, I will get out and begin working.  I am pretty sure I can get the last three panels done, plus remove the other panels, and hopefully get one of the cages pretty much installed.  I think I can, at least, when I begin work.  I know.  I'm so rough.  I do what I can, which has been very darned little.  Later.

A start.

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A couple of out of place things done, but very good.  Boss visited, bearing gifts, offering to get the plow going plus checking a troubling breaker, and in need of a saw... and kit.  All good, very good.  With the chains and plow on, and mower deck off, if it snows I won't, necessarily, be stuck.  What with the garage turned into a workshop, the vehicles are out of doors.  I had hoped to rent a garage for one of them, by now, but... no chance.  Money, money, money, push, shove, go, stop!

I did help, as was able.  And, I got the dishes reset and laundry going.  Plus, the laundry, being woolens, has been washed and set out to dry.  I have a little collapsible rack dryer for smaller items, which has been pulled out and employed for it's purpose.  Mostly socks, but a few wool watch caps.  I was just about to hit dishes, when the visit started up.

I was also making brats for breakfast.  They got a little overdone, what with the mower switch.  Still, good enough to eat.  Dishes will just have to wait a bit.  Ducks are watered and fed, but need to get more water out.  Freezing out there.  I'll have to begin watering them several times a day... as often as I remember, really.  A couple gallons, at least twice a day.  I really would like to send a runner, to create a 40 amp subpanel in that outbuilding, to add a water heater of some sort.  And a light or two, plus a few sockets.  No lights for winter eggs, just for seeing what I am doing, counting my fowl friends, and such.

Amazing how much that wore me out.  I'll... get to more, soon.  Oh, I think I have a better idea about the panels... for the caging... so as to have access to underneath.  I will keep the one back, side, panel in.  Solid.  I will then add hinges to it, attached to the bottom plate screen.  I will make the far, outside, side, plate a push in, pull out, sort of deal.  Yes, I think it will work.  I can do that with both big cages.  If... I can get to it!  Ugh.

I will start as soon as I can.  A bit worn, as mention.  But I have done a nice little bit today.  Perhaps a nap, then more later.  I think I can.  I'll keep pushing, as well as I am able.  Later.

Oh, well, awake, again.

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When did I go to bed again?  I have no real clue.  I think I woke at 19:00ish?  Dealt with the ducks and girls... did a bit of domestic work?  Down by 21:00?  Midnight?  I would guess those were the boundaries.  Just a guess.  I couldn't work, so might as well sleep.  That, for now, is t he game plan.  Otherwise I am always tired and drain batteries being awake.

One thing that might help is being warm.  So, dressing warm and... oh right... turning up the heat first thing... are the way to go.  So, I will turn up the heat.  Dressed moderately warm, though could do better.  A second layer on the legs.  Two one the feet already, Two tops, plus a housecoat... a warm one.  Sort of okay, but not quite.  Warmer!

Then a shower.  Hmm, probably breakfast first.  And a fatted tea with it... or coffee.  I was planning to order more instant coffee, but they jacked the price again.  Not an issue.  I just won't buy.  Even if I run out?  Coffee, at this point, is a luxury, not a necessity.  I can easily go without coffee forever, at this point.  And, if they mess with anything else, I have gone caffeine free for an extended period.  It wasn't convenient, but doable.  I just slept a lot more.  I am medically retired, can't do all that much anyway, so... *shrug*  Don't bet against me, you lose.  We are all watching now, and have little to be stolen.  Guess, but guess again.

I am sure I can get to work today.  A few light loads, at least one out on the line... probably both.  Dishes quickly, as I sort breakfast.  Then a reset and dishes done after breakfast and a break, then right before a shower.  Hmm, and whisker trimming first thing, maybe an actual shave later.  Cats fed, ducks out as soon as the sun is up well enough.  Ugh...  I think so.  Probably.

THEN getting to construction?  Yep.  I am guessing I can get the morning stuff, plus two breaks in, before ten.  Then hit it at ten to eleven?  It's the goal.  I am hoping to have the three pieces reset by noon.  A good long break, or nap.  The removing the other parts, scooping more poop out.  Then resetting at least that one cage, perhaps framing in a base for the second cage.  I... think so... perhaps.  Then, tomorrow, putting in the final cage.  And, maybe, beginning on the smaller cages.  Those might go very fast, being able to measure, frame, and construct, all in one place.  Framing them in will be vastly easier.  I can create the squares, then simply devise a square platform, rather than trying to build around a 15 degree out of trim  wall.  It's the plan.  Wish me luck.

I keep expecting news from Trumps impending victory.  They are still stalling the count, to give the left and deepstate time to imprint a Biden win on the masses.  It... doesn't look to be working.  Who knows, they might get it done.  But it will be, at this point, by brute force against the majority who know they are about to permanently have their input in national affairs stripped from them.  They seem to go along with much, as long as they have a news outlet to seem sad with them.  I think they botched FOXes outing as anti-American.

We will see.  If Trump escapes the fraud, he'll have a chance to reset things.  Will he?  I... fear not.  He seems more worried about a second term than making things right and fair.  I like him, mostly.  Not enough to vote for him, he lied, didn't do the one thing he promised that I wanted.  Cool.  Biden will simply hand it to Harris, who will receive marching orders from China.  Not sure that will last.  All good, it may well go to civil war whichever way it goes.  Cool.  Not the best of things, but it's... baked in the cake, at this point, as they say.

Later.

Well?

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Back to napping, fortunately or not.  I... can't get going.  So, rather than waste my time being awake when I can't function, I will go on back to bed.  It will work out, soon.  I hope, and pray.

I did some looking.  More on rubik's cubes.  Advanced methods.  Mind you, I made improvements to the basic method on my own.  And learned many moves, so that I don't actually have to think to do, I know.  However, improving much beyond where I am will take special fingering, and more advanced methods and algorithms.

Sleep was later than hoped.

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Couldn't do it.  So, waking is later than hoped.  However, life is improving.  Some sun helped.  It had been days?  Yes, nearing a week, or so it seemed.  No sun is hard on my system.  They try to gaslight, calling it SADD.  Truth is, it is natural for any and all mammals.  When it gets dark, and cold, as a general rule, we look for shelter, store up food or fat, and try to sleep it off.  It simply isn't... natural, for us to be awake when we can't see or act easily.

I suppose, when there were few, travel during the seasons was the thing to do.  As tribes took over areas, and became hostile about food and territory, movement stopped being an option.  Then storing and sleeping became all that was possible.  Well, and fattening.  Some human types up north remain rather chunky, as is possible, and probably naturally store more as winter approaches... if possible.  A vegetarian can't really store up, if in native realms, those are also known as bad hunters.  And women without men.

Can I get to work yet tonight?  Maybe.  Unlikely, at least outside.  But I might be able to hit the indoor work, and be ready to tackle it hard tomorrow.  I am feeling like work, if it is still a bit difficult.  I did some today.  Would like to do more.  I'd like to wear myself out a bit, so I can sleep earlier and better.  There is a chance.  But, without having to go anywhere tomorrow, working should be easier no matter what.  And, another shower.  I'll trim the whiskers tonight, and be ready to shave, as well, tomorrow.

Hmm, I'd like to do my watchcaps, and other woolens, as well tonight.  Plus finish the dratted dishes, and reset another load.  Well, and manage what has been dried.  I'm not sure what is up with food, meats, and all, but I can check on that too.  Little bits, of this and that.  I got the ducks in, and they are all in this time.  Herc won't, probably, mess with staying out again.  He's still a young one.  I... understand.  Can be fatal for boys, more so than girls... if boys are self deadly just as a general thing.  A gift to dames, if one they rarely even appreciate.  Later.

Ah, well, we'll see.

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Breakfast, a shower, to the post office, then to the bank.  No money, so... nothing else this month.  As to cage work?  It... could happen.  The sun is out.  It is a winter day, if not the worst of them.  But it is fairly cool, even cold, out there.  I am dressed warm enough to get to some things... if I can get to some things.  Oh, and Herc is back.  

I am sure it was him, out there.  He was whimpering like a lost boy.  I went out, searching, but with his coloring, and nature fear, he was impossible for me to find.  A hunting animal wouldn't have had a problem finding him, however.  His scent... and their better night vision.  Still, his mottled coloring is... impressive... as camo.  Still, I'll make sure they are in, from now on.  If it gets too dark, he just can't find his way in.  And he isn't as good at flying as the girls.  He is a very big boy.

Yeah.  I don't know.  A nap, then hopefully some work?  I can't work right now.  Just had another meal.  Ugh.  A nap might be possible.  I am feeling better.  So I might be able to keep it just at a nap.  Hmm... I'll think about it.  I think there is some hope to get going, sooner rather than later, and do some serious work.  Dishes are just reset.  And a few loads of laundry have been put through... one finished drying, probably, the other just washed.  Yeah.  I'm... starting.  But... $26 in the bank?  Something seems wrong.  *sigh*

Later.

A new start, day?

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It has been a very bad few days, weeks, longer...  I get going, or almost, then fall.  Falling for days.  Sleeping long hours, waking only a few.  No matter how hard I push, nothing has been giving.  I don't hurt, not much.  Some usual aches and pains.  Well, and I ripped my hands up pretty good on the cages.  Metal bits and splinters left my hands a bit of a mess.  I wore gloves for what I could, which helped.  But the gloves were in the way sometimes.

Blood sugar is slowly lowering.  At 236 fasting, with careful dosing, and better eating, I am getting to 150, and lower probably, but without crashing.  Haven't crashed for a few days, anyway.  Between dark days, the cold of about 26... at night... and else, I haven't been able to do more than sleep and sit.  It's on my mind, but the body just isn't able... at the moment.

Eating has helped.  Eggs aren't my favorite, so insubstantial.  But they are far better than nothing.  Adding in sausage, having toasted rye from time to time, fatted coffees and teas, and the chicken... if that is gone.  I haven't been able to cook.  Perhaps today?  I will be taking very needed shower shortly, after breakfast.  I will be working on the cages today.  And, perhaps, a bit more.

So much to do, though.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, cages, vacuuming, and all else.  It's a lot of work.  I am behind in every way, and have been for months... since before the fall.  Still, there is today, and tomorrow, until there isn't.  A breakfast and shower will help.  I'll turn the heat up a bit, too.  That helps a good deal.  I haven't even been able to play games.  Oh, well, the rubik's cube... but that's minutes at a time, and I can't play that for too long.  A few iterations, then an half hour or day off.

Oh, the drake is out, perhaps gone?  I thought I heard him out.  I turned a few lights on, in hopes he can find his way back.  Not sure if he left, or wasn't in, or got out but couldn't get back in?  All the ladies and, of course, the non-flying elder drake is in.  I worry about him.  He is a big bird, but there are a lot of things which could eat him easily.  Later.

Almost 03:00.

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Bedtime was... 15:00, or later.  How much later I have no idea.  I meant to look, once I got upstairs, for an exact number.  I got in, tucked, and crashed before I could even remember.  The notion crossed my mind, that I had meant to do that, as I was blanking.  But... at that point, which was almost instantaneous anyway, was neither a call or regret, only a soft, blurry, memory of a thought from earlier.

I woke a few times.  Softly.  I dreamed the deaths of a few people.  One, a woman, I have met through locals.  Not a potential or anything, just... a family or family friend.  I... she was negotiating.  It wasn't her time, she said.  She had things to do.  Her family!  Ultimately, she didn't want to die.  There were responses.  I am not sure death can or will give more time.  I don't know... how that ended.  If... I suspect she died.

The other was a fellow, out, going fast.  On a motorcycle?  in a car with the windows down?  Something.  At this time of year?  Well, anyway, he... didn't do well.  Ice patch?  Bump in the road?  It... wasn't going to go well, in any way.  He didn't speak, things were happening too fast.  But he resisted death with all his might.  Again, I don't know the conclusion.

Was I death, or merely with him?  I wasn't in this form.  When we see people, they appear as ghosts to us.  Like the Nazgul, in the movies.  That is, when we even notice you, which isn't all the time.  This world of flesh is tainted, insubstantial even to the spiritual, for the sin that abides here.  When you are fully connected back with your soul, and back in perfected flesh, then will we know each other as we could.  Though... there are... questions.

Who would need war, or death, or famine, or else, beyond the veil?  Still... I am almost certain God says we will have a place.  As Pinocchio... an unreal, but willed and servile child, given form, then purpose, then finally life?  I can't say.  I only know it would be... a thing.  I have greater faith in God than I do in my doubts.  There is that.  Though, either way, I would serve to my end, grateful for the opportunity to be a part of the means of Truth.  Aye.

Oh, but this wasn't my brother, the rider.  This was an angel, I do believe.  The one who ends men at their time.  Thanatos, or the death women?  I don't think so.  Oddly, I believe there are various aspects who present death to man.  To the damned, the death they deserve... not in pain, necessarily.  Rain will fall on the roofs of the houses of all men.  But... the death one gets comes from where you are going.  Until the Apocalypse.  That... is a different form altogether.  The words means different things, if the ends are similar.  In the Apocalypse, death is more often a gift than a curse.  As with the angel of death.  If rarely seen that way.

Hmm... that lot of work makes me hungry!  Don't hate me.  Trust me, the options are... far worse.  A grace, even if a coup de grace.  I'll have to get to breakfast, then a shower, before long.  Good morning and day.  Later.

Still awake.

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I'll check, outside, shortly.  Ice, snow... something was out earlier.  Probably still out.  Vehicles passing the window sound to be kicking up fluid.  Plenty of vehicles, so they might be melting what is on the road.  More, but not too much more.  Snow, no longer a skift or flow, but with some depth.  Oh well.  Not much I can do, one way or another.

Ah, well, it looks to have partially melted off.  Yes, still, still, awake.  Can't sleep.  Need to sleep.  It is starting to hurt.  Hmm... I'll... think on it.  Work on it.

Blood sugar was ~450ish fasting.  So, I gave it a bit more of a goose, 25 cc's, I think.  Along with breakfast.  I have really been enjoying eggs... an omelet this morning, with fresh onion, cheddar, and rye toast... plus a fatted coffee.  I tested a few hours later.  Couldn't eat, just checking.  It was 223.  I was about to give a decent dose with a fatted coffee, but decided to check again... often it won't change.  It has been four hours after fasting, eating, then checking again?  Something.  Should have been settled.

A very good thing I checked.  It had dropped to 149.  Not perfect, but not bad.  Further, dosing.  Wisely?  I still gave it an 8 cc dose.  Just... because.  And I am having a fatted coffee.  So... it's good.  I may have a green pea and scrambled egg mess as I go to bed as well.  Too many eggs, but they sure taste good after a lengthy hiatus.  Yeah.

Ah, as to rubik's cube solutions.  I... have been slowly improving, if just mechanical speed.  I haven't, yet, altered my methods further.  I may try a bit more... a medium set of solution improvements.  As is, I can... perhaps usually do... solve the cube in under 1:10.  Not bad... but not great.  As to world record?  I wouldn't mess with that.  Last I heard it is under three seconds?  Definitely under four.  I have to wonder what they take to get that... chemically.  Yea... I think so.  It'll cost them.  Though, the testing is so secretive, I have some... doubts... as well.

A few more.

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Never sure how to take.  As a jest, an accusation, a promise, a presentation?  Is it from anger, spite, jealousy, hope?  I just... never can be sure.  I see patterns, and... present as I see them.  Some are simple algorithmic echoes.  Others?  I sense... thought, to them.  A connection, to someone.  They are pointed.  It's how I do.  A few more.  All presented before, if some not for a very long time.