The things that come out of his mouth.

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Oh, not... just...  I had to laugh when I put that jelly and peanut butter onto bread for the first time.  Or was it chocolate into peanut butter?

Something about this has been something I have suggested for a very long time.  There are only two things you can have.  You can have faith.  Faith in God.  Faith that He will take care of you, even in the valley of the shadow of death.  Faith that things work out for the right, and if you are with Him, that includes you.  Faith in what He is, the Truth, the Light, and other right things.  Or you have fear.  Fear of death, fear of pain, fear of even work, fear of everything, anything, you can imagine.  You get one choice.

As to friends and family, who cling to fear?  I have found that trying to root it out only leads them right back to zero.  You can, for a time, help them begin to walk away from the fear.  But, the next time you speak with them, they are right back to their fetal position, worrying about all they had temporarily given up just moments, or days, before.  They cling to fear, as if it could save them.  After enough times, you just have to quit trying.  They will, if they can, stop interacting with you if you prove to powerful against their fears.  You become the problem, another thing to fear.  And feared I am.

Those who suggest they are not afraid, but live in a constant state of near panic?  You can see it in them.  Afraid the neighbors have something nicer.  Afraid their children will disobey, dishonor them.  Afraid their family hates them, or only wants them for what they can get.  Afraid of their own shadow, their past, being wrong.  Afraid, even, most often, to laugh.  I have seen these.  They would frighten me, induce it in me, if not for my faith.  Thankfully, my God is greater than their fear.  They could not know my God or they would not know fear.  Doesn't matter what they suggest.

I quite enjoy not having fear... most of the time.  Oh, it catches me out.  A stray worry, about my mother, or brother.  Little worries about my nieces.  Concerns about locals I have come to love as family.  A couple of younger men who are so madly driven they hurt themselves often at work.  Well, and their families.  The weather.  The future.  Money.  The house.  But, when I realize I am worrying, a short prayer... leaving things in His hands, with gratitude for all He has done... changes the whole thing.  Flips it from a growing darkness to a pleasantly overcast day, or from cold bitter showers to life giving rains.  He doesn't require us to walk in darkness, even on dark days.

Your choice.  Fear, or faith.  Now... I can't make a horse drink, but I can lead it to water.  The very waters of life.  Death, in time, you will see merely as the second birth... third?  Third.  And pain, here, endured... of the soul, flesh, mind?  Are mere graces for the future.  But that's... you have to do it.  I can throw a liferope, a buoy, or else, to help.  But you have to take it.  He even has it, so that if you merely take it out of hedging your future, out of fear, you may find a way.  Though, it will be a lessor way.  Still, a lessor way in heaven is far superior to the options.

Sadly, I'm not sure how many priests even believe these things in these times.  They would call me, often, a Jesus freak.  Seriously.  I am... cautious around most priests, many of whom have been taught specifically to be milquetoast.  While it is a marathon, not a sprint... neither is it a race with no end or rules.  Still, there is the magisterium and the doctors of the church.  Not to be undone by the limp-wristed, literally and proverbially.  Not just priests, it seems to have afflicted many men of the cloth, and in the worst ways.  They have surrendered, many of them, to the ways of the world.  I just won't.  Amen.

Possibly a cooler day.

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Overcast, and 80 at noon, with humidity standing at 50%.  Having just gotten up, I am not sure, but it doesn't really look like imminent rain.  Or rain at all.  But looks can be deceiving.  So, who knows.  It was 76 all downstairs, and 77 all upstairs, when I woke.  Not great but not bad.  I have to wonder if it really warmed earlier, than cooled off?  Oh, but I have the back area open, the laundry room.  If the door to that is closed.  It is an experiment.  A stupid one, now that I am awake enough to think about it.  I am wondering if the experimental me, last night, was just too tired to shut those so called it an experiment.  You know how night staff can be.  :p

The shower, and drying time last night, paid off.  Not sure when I went to bed.  After two, but a few minutes or hours after, I can't quite know.  I did look at the clock, but was so shot it didn't take.  I remember seeing 02:08 or something, but that was the clock down here.  That only means I was awake to then, not that I went on to bed anytime near that.

Feeling fairly groggy.  I did close up the upstairs, and turn on ac, on the way down.  I'll get the back porch/laundry room, closed before long.  The rest of the house is closed up.  Didn't think I'd be awake in time this morning, and was right.  Today?  I have no idea.  I'd like to work, but still feel a bit broken.  Tired.  Rusty.  All good, though.  If the doorbell rang, and I was invited to a party, today I could probably make it.  Hmm, but I would want to brush my teeth.  I'll... do that shortly, when I can get back up again.

Let me look around the internet a bit, maybe get a coffee down, and some water.  Later.

Well, a shower anyway.

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No, I didn't get dishes in.  Dragged my nasty carcass in, washed it, rinsed it, did it again for propriety's sake, then sat and dried.  Wearing some clothes, enough to technically answer the door should that have been needed.  But... Probably not likely.  I hate being caught in shorts.  Rather have pants on.  Though it does happen.

Just wasting time, not doing anything much.  Not even studying a few topics of interest.  Just drifting.  It's gotten a bit cooler.  Air is moving through the place.  It helps.  But it is pretty late in the morning.  Perhaps I should shut much down, in case I don't wake.  As a fact, I am sure I won't wake.  But I may keep the upstairs open.

Ugh... if I can even do that.  Must go to bed.  Have been in bed for hours, by need, want.  Just... not of flesh.  Lost track.  Goodnight.

I had hoped for more.

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Just a bit of work.  Maybe... I don't know... something.  It's just too hot.  Even now, with it 66 outside, it is still 77 in here.  Just too warm, and it's been hot all day.  I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't work.  So, it is what it is.

I may get a shower before long, then dry a bit before shoveling off to bed.  If so, I may put the dishes back to a soak.  I emptied the water, and just set them out the other day.  In order to get a shower.  Couldn't get to dishes.  Dishes tomorrow?  I can hope.  A shower would certainly feel good though, tonight.  And, putting dishes to soak would be... a right thing.

Oh, and trash.  I think it is both trash and recycling tomorrow.  Not sure I have enough recycling, though I could check.  Trash?  I should have enough.  Can I get that gathered and out?  I can sure give it a shot.  I'd want to do it before the shower.  So warm.  Just... worn out from the heat alone, and the days combined of it.  Sure, not nearly as bad as last year, or the many years I've been out here before that, but bad enough to begin pounding my face into the dirt.  The only thing is, hopefully, this is short.  That it will start cooling before long.  Though, who knows.  Heat may linger?  The seasons may extend rather than contract?  Will know soon enough.

Oh, something else working in my favor?  The grill went back.  That is nearly $300, when they decide to notice it is being returned.  I think, currently, companies are holding onto money.  Not because it is right.  UPS has it, they know it is in shipment, and anything goes wrong it is on UPS, not me.  But, no, they want to hold onto the money, using shipping as an excuse to delay repayment.  Annoying, and chintzy.  I get it, money flow, bottom line, etc.  But it's still wrong.  Letting bean counters control policy is half the problem with business these days.  Be right by your customers.  Be honest.

Then again, while that money is set to return, I still need a griddle.  And, will be stepping up in size, to hopefully get one that works.  And buying locally, so if it doesn't work, I can just take it back.  Not having to stumble through the roadblocks amazon and ups are putting on returns.  Sometimes they have a code, that can be read.  But sometimes they require something to be printed.  I simply don't have a printer, don't use them often enough, and UPS stores don't like doing that.  Sometimes they will, for a price, if they can get a copy.  Sometimes it all fails, or takes half an hour to sort.  Why only on the larger or odder items?  Because they are trying to deny a return through complexity.  Annoying.  Anyway, so... if I get a larger grill, it will cost another 2/3rds that amount, plus that amount.  Which means I may have to wait until next month?  Maybe.

Dead in the water, but I still have plans and goals.  I'll keep trying.  Later, or goodnight.

In spite of spending like a drunken sailor?

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Well, I was a bit worried.  And there are still things which need paid, this coming month.  Two, big, things.  However, I had things to buy, beside.  And things this month, if possible.  Then?  Then I can cut spending to nothing, or as close as possible.  Only refilling foods as they go.

Between, this, that, and saving, I have $400 to put into my account.  As well, I just bought $200 in groceries, which should last much of the month.  So, I consider that as money in the kitty, since it won't be taken out.  And, if I am very careful, that, with what else I have, may well last the whole month.

One of the bills... I... just have to remember, and sort.  Haven't found my new checks.  Need to look around.  Not... just for this month, but for ongoing.  Ugh.

The other bill, is a hold order I have, on a serger.  I thought about an entry level, but they had a used, higher end.  I am... always nervous, about used.  They were the same price, the entry level machine and the more advanced one, with the one I took being used.  And, yet, went with this.  Yea, quite a thing.

Part of my purchases made, and remaining, is gearing up to use the sewing and serging machines to their fullest.  Including two more tables, and maybe a third, clear rulers, and... other things.  So much is need, it is amazing how many doodads and such... are available.  Necessary?  Some of them, yes.  Or very helpful.  If you can't measure well, accurately, you won't cut well.  If you are going to buy a tractor, don't forget that auxiliaries.  Probably start with one, or a few.  But, in time...  Sewing machines are no different.  Now... if I could find a sewer.  :p

I am almost set, sewing machine and else wise.  As with food reserves.  Enough to share, from time to time, for some help... or another exchange.  The last thing I'll need is materials, batting, fabrics...  But, I am going to get a savings thing, so in a month or two, after clearing some things, I can buy enough to make several quilts, shirts, and maybe shorts.  I'd really like to make some cargo shorts/pants, that fit, and work.  But... simple shirts, first.  And, a few quilts... just guy ones, for me, to keep warmer in the winter, and sometimes in the summer.  Several to experiment with.  Simple ones.  Then, maybe, one for someone who might appreciate it.  Or several... a lap one, and one for the bed.  But... the mats and such will be a few months off.  Need to catch up.  Plus, just taking a few months off from spending is like fasting.  It does a body good.

Anyway... still warm.  It is 86 at 35% humidity in here, at 19:14.  It is 88 at 30% humidity outside.  That it is cooling this early, that much, as I recall things, is quite nice.  I still really hoped it had cooled more.  But, I was just jacking that one.  I actually expected it to still be 90, maybe 92.

Yes, work, plan, figure, sort, sweat, sleep, and back at it, as much as possible.  I am loving that I am still trying.  Haven't quite failed.  Still doing little things.  But, sheesh, sweating my balls off.  And, running sort of low.  A cool day would be good.  Next Tuesday, I am told.  84 it is said.  That would do.  Even if it pops back up, a day off is good for the body.  Later.

Yes, the discussion.

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Don't beat around the bush, don't argue, debate, push, or shove.  Just... spit it out.  Can't, won't, don't.  It just couldn't work.  It's not practical.  About renting the place.  I simply can't rent it at mortgage.  Not without a promissory price payback, money down, and more than mortgage if nothing else than for taxes, upkeep, etc.  It's impossible.

Just as so, the place wouldn't be paid for thirty years.  That... won't work.  Oh, if I put some of my money in, sure.  Though, to rent?  I'd do double the mortgage, put a hundred and fifty percent against the mortgage, and save the last fifty percent overage for repairs, fixes, upkeep, and expenses.  Well, and get owners insurance, for bigger things, perhaps?  And?  That would be if I liked whoever.  If I didn't know them, it would be closer to three hundred percent mortgage as rent, or pretty close.  And, yes, that... is what rents are pulling.  How they pull that much, and how long they can pull that much, is another thing altogether.

Getting hot.  It was... is 92 out there.  Still, that is cool for this time of year, here.  It should be 97 to 105, to be honest.  So I simply cannot complain.  Even the length of the heat spell, without a break, has been small this year.  It just has.  We have had some cool days in there.  And, nights getting down to even the high 50s, this time of year, is a major gift.  I remember many years, here, where July through mid August, or so it seemed, it wouldn't go even to to the low 60s... mid 60s as rare treats, low 70s mostly.  And only for very short times.  With no cooling spells, save a 92 here or there.  Even so, it is wearing me out.

I also asked about a water outing.  I was promised two, as payment for some loan or gift.  I can't remember.  Might not get two, maybe though.  But hoped to definitely get one.  So... while discussing other things, I asked about that.  Maybe, and soon?  Oh, I get it.  The world is eating this lad, and he is just raking it in as possible.  He works in the sixties to eighties of hours, sometimes more as opportunities arrive.  And, it isn't in some cushy air conditioned office.  No, it's out with shovel, pick, backhoe, who knows... whatever it takes.  And, from installing sprinklers to running electrical for lighting.  Talented, this one.  Could seriously go far, do much.  Still, we will see.

Called my mother.  Went right to messaging.  So, either it's off, she is on another call, or she is busy.  Hard to say.  Called recently, had the same thing.  I'm not worried.  I don't think anything is wrong.  Just busy, maybe fussing about something.  Difficult to know.  Whatever.  But, this time, I... have a question for her.  I don't need an answer, just... a phone number.  Actually, I have the number.  Hmm... in time.

Oh, if you haven't heard, Argentina is looking to be going through dark times.  Not sure now would be a good time to move.  Ecuador still requires the clot shot, or at least the pcr test?  Either way, no.  Cambodia is a bit distant.  It might be tricky to find airports between here and there.  Further, I wouldn't even try a straight set of flights through.  From 36 to 53 hours?  About that, with many changes.  No... I'd fly from here to a vax safe airport/country.  Spend a night or two.  Then catch another flight, to another vax safe airport/country.  Hopscotching around, avoiding pure exhaustion and trying to catch flights one after the other after another, in possible airports where I couldn't go to a hotel, or possibly even leave the nation.  Places like Canada are like that, if you happened to get there, you couldn't leave without the vax.  Anyway... travel, right now, may be off the books.

Why not pcr testing?  A?  It's fake.  It isn't a true test.  There are no tests accurate for covid.  Read the words from the man who invented the test, then talk back.  Or... shut up.  Because you are talking out of ignorance.  Further, they have suggested they can apply the vax through the test, without telling people.  And, again, after all they have done?  Yes, they would do that.  Do they?  Could they?  Would they?  Yes.  You just don't know when or if they are doing it.

So... I'll take my time, try to get the house in shape, see about a loan, and if that goes through, work on the house.  If not, just work on appearances, and see about minor improvements as I go.  Hungry, now.  Best get something.  Then, maybe, a nap.  Or... not.  Bleh.  Later.

Nearly August.

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July, for summers here, is like Wednesday is to the week.  The hump.  The hottest section.  It will continue into the 90s, but be broken by cooler days, or if any regularity remains.  Cloudy, from time to time.  Which has already been happening.  So, I am hoping, rain will come sooner, and cool will be accelerated.  Time will tell.

While waking and doing a few first things, I kept looking at the clock.  Between groggy vision and still sleepy mind, I couldn't tell if it was eleven or thirteen hundred hours, or even what in change after.  As I sit, I see it is noon, so... must have been half past eleven hundred when I finally got up.  I woke earlier, to shut the house down.  I got up twice.  I thought the front door might still be a pickle holder... I mean... ajar.  But no, I had worried for nothing.

A fatted coffee, and some meat sticks, to start out.  I did purchase eggs last time I was in.  They aren't too expensive.  But they aren't brown eggs, or from pasture raised chickens.  But, it is what I was willing to pay, per egg.  Only mediums, but that is pretty familiar.  Though, compared to other store bought eggs, I know where these were hatched.  Couldn't quite throw a stone and hit the place, but... proverbially, as a crow flies, perhaps.  Of course, not literally in any sense, if there is any fact to literal in most realities?  Something like that.

Today?  I don't know.  I really am beat.  Just getting the watering done through the night pretty much tuckers me out.  The sprinklers aren't much, it's the 150' of constructor grade hoses that get me.  But, the watering was done.  And is ready to go again Tuesday.  Things are greening.  Just, but they are.

I would like to get another shower, but later.  Hitting dishes would be good.  I cleaned out pee jugs this morning, three.  I have been... busy with other things.  Counters and maybe boxes.  Little bits of the living room.  I just don't have it in me.  They remain the goal until the goal is reached.

I believe I am going to call off the review, and stop playing with the buyers.  I am just going to stick around, for now.  No one can afford the house, one way or the other, or will.  At least as she sits.  If I could get her cleaned up, maybe.  Not as worried about the crash in house sales.  I wouldn't be selling to typical buyers.  I would be selling to California and Illinois escapees.  Usually with cash.  Or Chinese or Blackrock scalpers, also in cash.

I'll spend a couple of months trying to get the place in order, as it cools this fall.  Then, consider maybe even putting it on the market.  But, on the official market.  Let them bid against real buyers.  While there is some slow down, in some areas, for houses in this range, locally, there is a high want and need.  But... it has to be viewable ready.  Then, perhaps, I could get the competition going.  We aren't in drought here, regardless what they try to say.  And, compared to the rest of the South West, that means something.  Plus with acreage, outbuildings, and a dry basement in an area where most basements flood every other year?

It needs work.  That $30k loan, if it had gone through, would have seen new furnace, central air, a new electrical panel, new flooring where needed, some wall work in the kitchen, the bathroom completed, an automated sprinkler system, maybe a backup generator, a new window in one of the rooms, and more.  Perhaps even new siding.  It seems like a lot, but that would probably nearly double the value of the house.  It used to be, depending on where you were, that a bit would get you back a little less.  But, in hot markets, a little can get you far more.  It's want and perception, when they are biting.  Bling, baby?  Yeah, unfortunately.  I just can't do bling.  But I can improve it so that there can be viewings.  But... not now.  Just too damned hot.

I did get some things.  And I am keeping that even in the heat.  So, I am hoping I can push through as it cools.  Then, pretty much, just live, and live small, in just a few areas.  Keeping up on those.  Then again?  There... may be a resource, for the $30k, that... remains.  I hadn't thought of it, until just now.  No promises.  Probably no.  But... there is one last place I could check.  I might be able to find a personal financier.  Maybe.  I'll... have to check.  How to even approach such?  Directly, of course.

Oh, I keep looking up things about bikes.  While I looked at extra fuel options, I also looked at ways to increase mileage.  Well, some technical ways.  The truth is, learning to ride "boring" will save a lot of gas.  As will cruise control, if that only works on some bikes.  Most bikes?  Some.  Why?  Well, I don't want to run out of gas a hundred miles from nowhere.  I have nearly done that with the Xterra, here in Utah.  A road outage, for some reason, running into a secondary detour while thinking gas was just ahead, not paying absolute attention (difficult in the heat, regardless of ac, on long trips)... and... almost ran out.  And, down there, it is 90 at night.  So, yeah.  That... could easily have been fatal, especially with no vehicles passing or following.  

I think some people knew this area had become... a problem?  Went different ways.  I just didn't know enough, or have resources to let me know.  That... got my attention.  I may have had tanks of water, but... you can only carry so much and...  No... I probably would have waited by the side of the road, with the water.  Until I could hitch.  Walking away from five gallons of water, in a desert, is very possibly a death sentence.  If you get down to what you can carry, then go?  Aye, as I see it.

I probably want a bigger tank, an auxiliary tank, and extra external storage.  Especially going into Mexico, and then on the South America.  Oddly?  I fear Canada more than I fear Mexico, if I fear Mexico more than South America.  All can be dangerous.  Just... how I weight things.  Canadians won't kill you, but their government will arrest and hassle you.  There government is even more unhinged than the US government has become.

Done.

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I let the last two watering zones go a little long.  Not for more water.  I am simply tired.  Couldn't just snap up.  But, done.  And, yes, I checked each zone, as I watered.  Some are still in worse shape, most are beginning to green again.  I'll have to stay on top of things.

So very tired.  I would be in bed if I wasn't so tired.  Though, I think it is now time.  Last I checked, it was 59 out there.  When sprinkling, I can't be sure about humidity.  But it was suggesting 80%.  During the monsoon season, that isn't unusual.  I just am not sure if that was raw atmospheric, or from the sprinklers.  It is down to 76, here at the computer.  Which means it's probably in the low 70s elsewhere.

On to bed.  Sleep well, or have a great day.

Four out of five, six?

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Zones, watered.  Well, or being watered.  One final zone to be hit.  I think I am doing much better with hitting the areas, getting more water to more spaces.  A bit tricky at night, but looking around in the day, thinking about things, finding better angles, corners, and stretches, it begins to improve.

I also has something to eat.  Some of the beef roast.  It was a small roast, so it is nearly finished.  One or two meals remaining.  But there is plenty of pork roast.  A bit rich, sometimes, but that is what makes it juicy.  And I'd much rather have juicy than brick.  Nothing fancy, but it is good food.

I haven't been able to get to work.  It's annoying.  Just too warm.  It is only down to 79 in here near the computer.  It is 60 outside, so far.  Or was around midnight.  I got up to check the temp out there, then... forgot I was posting and... oh well.  The heat sort of gets to me.  Even 79 is rather warm.

I don't think I'll get much work done, in time.  I have done, pretty much, what I can do.  It'll just have to be what it is.  I have a visitor, potentially, tomorrow.  We will have to speak about some things.  It won't be a happy conversation, but... there isn't much I can do.  Limits.  I hate those conversations, but they have to happen.

Keeping up on Sassy, keeping up on my food.  Trying to keep up on medicine.  The lawn is finally being tended.  And, thankfully, I did see green, and not just weeds.  New grass and some old grass, is... starting to try to kick over a new leaf, so to say.  The heat just... starts wearing on me.  On the good side, it looks like the clouds are already here, have been for two or three weeks.  We have had at least one rain, and perhaps a few sprinkles.  But, usually we don't get that until early to mid August.  So, there is some hope rain will be sooner rather than later.  Rain begins breaking the heat.

One more zone to do, then I can put the sprinklers off to the side and probably go on to bed.  Later, or goodnight.

A wonderful nap.

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One less fan needed, upstairs, it seems.  I was sure the ac wouldn't really reach to the far side without a fan near it.  And, I do know, the fan near me is required, or I get way too hot, despite it technically being cooler.  But, no.  Actually, for whatever reason, the second fan was keeping the temperature a degree higher?  Maybe it created too much pressure, pushed air out?  Specifically the cool air, somehow?  Don't know.

It's still very warm down here on the ground floor.  83 near the machine, 77 or more in the rest of the house?  Something like that.  But it is down to 72 outside.  I have learned that, while I can keep the west window open far later into the early afternoon, I do have to shut it or, again heat will pour in.  So the house does end up shut.  It only gets to the 80s, compared to the mid to low 90s outside, and just in this front room.  The main part stays in the mid to high 70s, 77 usually seems to be where it tops off.  Still annoyingly warm, but better than the 80s by far.

Sassy got fed right away.  She let me know her belly had a hankering.  So, fed she was.  Then I refilled the reservoir for the r.o.  I had filled the carafe before going to bed.  That is, sort of, a neverending task.  Sometimes more, sometimes less, but always some work in on that.  With the sinks open, it is easier, but slower.  If I want it done quickly, I will use the tub.

The sprinklers were set up and let rip.  I may try to skip regions, so overlaps aren't immediate.  Just to give the areas a chance to soak in better.  It will be a bit more work.  But when tallied, not all that much.  And, I think I can tonight.  I am watering about half the time I did last time.  That didn't even seem to help.  This is still a bit longer than what is considered necessary.  But that is if the lawn is in better shape.  I may have to water a little extra, in frequency.  It's just not coming back.  Night should be the best time for it, though.

I may have a salad shortly.  Then begin considering work tonight.  The counters, and stovetop, are first.  Well, I could set dishes up first, then hit the counters.  Work in the bathroom, after, and try to keep pushing the dishes through.  It is not cooling well in here, even with fans hitting it, windows and door open.  It doesn't make work easy.  Later.

A few beers and a nap?

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The roasts turned out well.  I just had a few thin slices of each.  I kept hoping to get going, but it's not working.  Zombified, I just sat.  Viewing thoughts of travel, means of travel, even looking up how to get a passport.  It takes, from application to receipt, up to three months, maybe a bit more depending on how long it takes to be delivered.  At least I know.  And, I know where, locally, to get that started.  I'll apply for one soon.  It doesn't matter if I stay here or go somewhere, I'd like to have it.  As well, it lasts ten years.  I didn't realize that.  If nothing else, it makes for an additional means of id.

Just a few beers.  It's been hot, when I have gone out.  But coming back into the house it is as if it is air conditioned.  I did see, I think, the temp drop just a bit.  It had gotten, I thought, to 94.  Last I looked it was down to 91.  Which was a bit strange.  It didn't seem overcast, or even as if it had been.  Sometimes cooler air moves in, but it didn't seem as if the wind was going.  Not always necessary.  As I have mentioned, sometimes it is more as if the air, as a block, is sliding through.  Who knows, and I can't be sure I saw it that high, though it was higher.  I have seen slight, odd, bumps up or down at strange times.  Though, perhaps that is normal.  Or... the new normal?

Just a few beers, then on up to a nap.  Then, hopefully, up in time to water the lawn tonight, and do some work in the kitchen.  Much later... or goodnight.

Grilling.

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With a headwind?  Sort of.  When it hits the 90s out there, or more, it's like driving, actually though, with a tailwind.  In the winter is when headwinds are faced.  The roasts got there first check, and turn, twenty minutes in.  And... they... are cooking fast.  To be honest, after this next twenty minutes, and  final turn, I will probably cut the dampers and let them finish in there for another twenty minutes.  The smells...  Oh, I do love meats grilling, or cooking rightly in just about any way.

While waking, I started thinking about other ways to get to Argentina, or Ecuador, or else.  Currently not possible, completely, by road.  Not all the way down anyway.  But, driving?  Motorcycling?  The problems with any of those is... I suspect you have to have the covid vax before they would let you in.  No go.  Further, there isn't a road between Panama and Columbia.  Even if they started that today, and that is very unlikely, it would take ten, twenty, thirty years? to complete.  It won't be easy or fast.  More, there is no fairy around the Darian Gap (the area between north and south).

Waking.

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Still somewhat cool, if warming.  Not doing much, but I did start the grill.  And got the roasts ready.  For some time, I wasn't happy with grilled roasts.  But, between a bit of practice, and lucky notions which lead me to better practices, I finally really like grilled roasts.  Cook longer, at a lower heat, after searing the outside well.  And, don't bother with them often.  Every twenty to thirty minutes is good, especially for larger roasts.  Better to cook slower than hotter.  And, finish them off with the smoker completely shut down.  It moistens the outside of the roast.  Most people use aluminum foil.  Unnecessary if you just shut the thing up, assuming it can get a nearly airtight seal.  Mine, of course, does.  Or I wouldn't be writing this.

After the roasts, I'll probably do some chops and chicken.  Just have food done for the week.  I haven't been eating well, or rightly, in part because I couldn't cook.  This should... help me get back on track.  I'll have some of the beef roast, first.  Though I might have a snippet of the pork roast.  And, maybe, a drumstick... just to make sure.

I did learn a new trick regarding pork chops.  They always curl, bow.  Now, that isn't a problem.  Mostly.  It is more an appearance thing.  The trick?  Cut them, around the edges, before grilling.  Now, how deeply?  Where exactly?  I watched, and have a rough idea.  But that was for deep frying.  For grilling?  Probably similar.  I will just experiment and learn.  I do want them to lay flat.  I think they will get a better sear.  And be easier to cut, and more pleasant to the eye?  Depending on your eye, I suppose.  But... I... like the idea.  More for the sear, but a bit for the eye.

I will try to work today.  Beyond cooking.  I did get the water all reset, but am staying up on that fairly well.  And took care of litter boxes, and feeding Sassy.  Hmm, I need to get her fresh water though.  Having taken a shower yesterday, I'll probably skip that today?  Unless I get through the dishes, at least one load reset, washed, and set aside?  Then, maybe, I'll take a shower.  But the counters and living room... I really want those done.

I suspect if I can get started, I can get going and do more.  I'll do my best.

Well, another day.

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I've mostly closed up the house, save that mid-back western window that seems to help, and for now the front door.  The front and back parts of the house are cool, but the middle room is warm and humid.  I tinkered with the ceiling fan.  Perhaps that was switched?  Not sure, but it's odd.

It is so strange, upstairs.  When I turn the fan on, near me, the temperature actually drops  two to three degrees.  But it feels much hotter.  Very strange.  I just thought I and the fact the sun is hitting that side, is why it warms.  But, no.  How the fan makes it heat up, but feel so chill I need blankets, is a bit of a trick.  It was 73, and I was burning up.  I turned on the fan, it got to 76, and I needed all three blankets.  Bleh.

I am hoping to get to work today.  The north counters.  Dishes.  And the living room.  Maybe, but not sure... about some of it... any of it.  Still, that is the goal.  It was just at 72 at about nine this morning, outside.  It was 72 in this front and probably back rooms, but the middle room was 75.  Strange.  Later.

Brutal.

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The heat of the day, the efforts, just how things go.  Tired beyond belief.  Perhaps I can sleep?  It is nearing time.  I opened things a bit.  Cooling, but it will be all night before it actually cools down.  It is 83, still, in this front room, 77 in the main last I checked.  It has been open for a goodly while, but probably only in the low 70s to this point in the night.

I have been working on the leg wound.  Bandaging, cleaning while showering.  Re-bandaging .  But, then, opening to get air from time to time.  I've left it open for the evening, but will bandage again before bed.  Using triple antibiotic when I bandage.  Though, sometimes, I might skip that.  I really have to be careful with wounds, with diabetes.

I had hoped to gain a second breath, to work more this evening.  It just isn't possible.  Too hot, too tired, too worn.  But a good day.  Just getting the flattop loaded up, and out... plus getting groceries?  Very good.  I had hoped, if nothing else, to do cooking for the week.  It... just isn't going to happen.  Tomorrow.  I will grill a couple of roasts, a number of chops, and some chicken drumsticks.

Oh, I think I will eat it.  I haven't been eating enough, or rightly, for a while.  We'll see.  As well, I have salad, and fresh veggies.  I miss those, even in the heat.  If I probably wouldn't have been able to cook much in the last week.  I did what I could, and that mostly didn't include much cooking.  Fresh meats should be a treat.  Fresh veggies as well.  And, salad is a thing.  It really is.

Well?

Finally.

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The shower was taken.  And, I had a backlog of clothes to wash by hand.  Unders to socks.  Plus new socks.  I got two sizes.  Since the smaller ones fit, with slight swelling, the bigger ones will fit well, more so if swelling gets much worse.  So I washed the pair I had tried, and the new pair.  Though, I think there was something in the first compression socks.  I got a blister about halfway up the shin, to the left quarter... about center.  And, that blister popped, or really I popped it.  Now I have a sore.  Yes, I think something was in it.  A but that bit?  A chemical?  Who knows.

I wore it all day.  Right out of the bag.  Not... a good idea.  Just try it on.  If it fits, from now on, then wash it before using it.  So... I got that all done, cleaned, but no shave.  Not even a trim.  Time.  It was getting late.  I wasn't sure when they closed, but I thought they closed earlier on Fridays... 16:00, 17:00?  It was a bit after 16:00.  

UPS, that is, for the return of the flattop.  Now to wait for the return deposit and begin searching for a larger unit.  I think this might have been a problem with how they set up smaller propane tank intakes.  And how those work with larger tanks.  Though, then again, I tried the small too.  I think it was just a failure.  There is always the possibility of user error.  But I read the manual.  And it is far from rocket science.  Indian brass parts, with no oversight?  Chinese?  Small companies have great difficulty, because they can't have white inspectors on-sight, and can't afford to do quality checks here?  Unless they are hiring here, but at the bottom of any and every job offering?  Anyway... it's returned.  I'll still order from them, but buy locally.  And one that takes larger tanks to start.  I really would have liked that one, but oh well.

After returning that beast of a box, I went on to the grocery store.  I have all of it up, but some meats out.  Some to be cooked this afternoon, or night.  Not sure I can stay up much longer.  I could get the last of the dishes restarted.  But I don't think I'll do much else.

It was 96 out, when I left.  Dry as a bone, I suspect, though... didn't look.  And that can be deceiving.  It was hotter in town.  All the traffic, tar, buildings, and just anger from people... as they slowly bake no mater whether they have ac or not.  Still, got through, and mostly civilly.  I did get a bit irate, a few times.  I now pray when I feel that hangry, hotangry, coming on.  And, sometimes it works.  Today it worked exceptionally well.  I did get a bad man dog treat though, beer.  Oh, yes, I... I wanted beer.  Not much.  Just a sip.  But... yes.

Oh, I was listening to the Catholic radio station.  Annoying, sometimes.  In some ways.  Oh, I know.  Remember when Peter prayed that God release him from a thorn in his side?  Right.  Well, they were discussing that.  Rightly, wrongly, seemed reasonably to me.  The thing is, God doesn't always remove that thorn, the temptation, that price for sin, or whatever.  Something about God wanting both humility to bloom, but, also, to look deeper.  Find what the real problem is.

I... know my thorn.  And, more, I know what it is there to do.  I am supposed to find a woman.  I don't see how.  But, I know what.  A wife woman.  Never married, unless, maybe, a widow... and innocent one.  Viable, or not at all.  The unviable just don't last.  Something is missing.  The season that needs to allow her field to lay fallow... it isn't there.  Ugh.  I know, I just don't know how to fix it.  I am thinking God is asking too much.  And, yet, if some things come to pass, I... may get a chance.

As I was waking...

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Looking.  A pair I have watched before.  And, on several topics.  Why?  Well, this one should be obvious.  While I have refused a heart transplant, simple medical upkeep... could be a trick.  However, it seems, there is... a way.  And, without having to return to America every year.  Or more.  As I was watching it, I was sweating it.  Would my choices pop, as places to get what is needed?  European nations, first.  Not... quite... my choice.  For about a dozen dozen reasons.

Now, while I really would like Ecuador, Argentina is becoming more likely, for a single dozen reasons.  From food to weather to a few other things.  Oh, and the clot shot is still required in Ecuador.  I wonder if they are still masking?  I'll actually have to check about Argentina, as to masking, as well.  If it's not ready for prime time, it'll just have to wait.

Almost eleven.

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I did wake earlier, and get the place shut down.  It kept everything to the mid 70s.  Which was as good as it got, pretty much.  I didn't close up the upstairs, but was awaken about an hour later, say around nine, when temps hit 76.  Yea, that will wake me, if it was 72 most of the night.  Heats up fast, faster up there than down here.  Actually, I had closed the east window, just had the west window and a big fan going.  For whatever reason, the trick that works down here doesn't work up there.  With or without the door open.  It's just different up there.  The roof, and attic, I guess.  Metal roof, for whatever good or ill that does?

So, a pleasant morning.  More so knowing the lawn has been watered.  Perhaps, too, today, I can began back in on work?  I sure hope so.  Burned through days with it being too hot, or me being too tired.  I won't be able to get it as close as I had hoped, but I can do a bit more.  The counters along the north wall, the bathroom, finishing dishes, and maybe some more work in the living room.  Oh, and getting the boxes that have shown up broken down, and out to go when next I get to town.

I would really like to finish the bathroom, and clear much of the living room.  It is possible.  Not... likely.  Possible.  I am fighting to stay on medicines.  It's hit or miss.  I have been missing, say, three to five of fourteen doses a week.  I catch up, when I can.  Not sure that is good, but... I... do anyway.  Crap, but I have been missing insulin again.  Blood sugar is 307, but given my candy diet for about a week there?  I'm surprised it is within readings.  Then again, the last two days, I have only had between four and six hundred calories.  Too warm to do much cooking, or eating.  Still...

On the good side?  Out of mints.  I think I ate them because I couldn't keep up on cooking, or groceries.  Even if I had groceries, I am burning myself to the ground working, when I can.  Right until I sit around like a zombie.  Can't cook either time, really.  Though, maybe I could have gotten a roast in, or else.  But I was trying to push through work.  May have to just sneak to town.  I'll need to wake, shower, would like to actually finish the dishes, or at least hit them, then set them out if that is what I can do, then shower.  Putting them back.

Not quite yet.  Hmm, water, right now.  But I'll have a fatted coffee before long.  Powdered cream, instead of fresh.  Not as tasty, but swelling hasn't returned since I stopped the fresh and didn't restart.  It's been rougher, the last few days, not being able to do anything, then when I could work.  Pushing through, like slamming on the accelerator, and the breaks, is hard on the machine.  I wanted to go, couldn't.  Burned out doing nothing.  Hopefully that is finished... for a while.

At least I have a few dollars still in the bank, some in the pocket, some coming back in, and actually even more coming back.  That will cover bills for this month, and all of them.  I got everything, save two, caught back up this last month.  This month I will finish catching up.  And, I will see if the meats I have will carry me through, so all I might need are veggies, eggs, and canned goods.  If eggs are available at a price I would pay.  Not sure if that bogus shortage is done yet or not.  No, I don't trust the bastards.  And if you do, good on you.

We'll see what can be done.  Both to the end the of the month, and after.  At this point, every tomorrow is going to be suspiciously similar, or dubiously unfamiliar, or... in some odd way, as with the rest of my life, both.  I have always had just enough precognition to... sort of remain mobile when needed, and to go to ground when that was best.  Or, well, I'm not dead... mostly.  Or, haven't died for moving at the wrong time, or staying put too long.  So far.  It's getting tight.

Well... on to waking.  Tinkering on the internet, figuring out some small section of the world through scrying some I trust, or... don't trust but to within certain limits.  None can tell you the emperor wears not clothes.  But, they describe being naked pretty well, without saying it, if you... know how to read.  Use them as tools, learning to refract and shift.  But, understand, you might as well be gutting a sheep, sometimes, and prognosticating that way.  And, that, no matter what else, you are wading through a dung pool for bits of information, or outlines of what isn't said, rather than getting any clear or exposing data.  With that in mind, off I go.  Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to read I go...

Later.

Finally, finished.

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I thought about just turning the water off.  Decided to move the sprinklers out of the way of the sun.  The temperature has dropped to 59.  I think it had dropped to 58, but went back up a degree.  It did that earlier, though, too.  Dropping to 71, then going back up to 72.  Must be a weather hiccup?  Well, there it is.

Done.  Buttoned a few things up.  Now on to bed.  I will open the upstairs, and use the alternative fans.  And sleep until warmth wakes me, or the sun.  Hopefully I can get up early enough to close things down before it gets too warm.  Oh, I... am afraid.  It's late, at 03:49.  Still, all good.  I'll do my best.  Good morning, day, and goodnight.

Not much.

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.

But, getting the lawn watered is rather important.  Not sure if the grass will come back.  It's rather rough out there.  I'll keep at it though.  Pushing watering a bit if need be.  I am on the second to last zone.  There was some minor overlap, if that probably wasn't a bad thing.

Though, if I had the energy, I would have hit one zone, then a middle zone, then the far zone, then... basically I would have only overlapped after some time had passed.  I simply don't have the strength, endurance?  Most likely the latter.  It will just have to do as is.

I did get the meat grilled.  It ended up more like a light beef jerky anyway.  It was very thin, like an eighth of an inch?  Generous one?  Four pieces was good enough.  As well, I had spinach, with vinegar.  I am really enjoying that.  I missed that?  I had it, fairly often, as a kid.  Sometimes fresh, sometimes canned.  I... sort of thought I didn't like it.  And, maybe I didn't?  I sure do now.

One more turn of the sprinklers, and I should be good.  With that.  It has finally dropped a bit more, to 66 outside.  But it is still 78 in here, near the computer.  Not much cooler in the rest of the house.  Perhaps upstairs?

I would like to get a shower in.  But will have to either do or move the dishes.  Move, drain and move, if I can even get to that.  While I am tolerating the heat, it is battering me.  Days and nights can switch, or not.  Sleep might not be needed, until it can't be avoided.  It's a tough gig, just sitting here in the heat.  I don't feel hot, but I am.

I keep thinking about that dream this morning.  Now, it isn't prognosticatory.  The kin in it where younger than they are now, by twenty years.  Oddly, I wasn't.  Hmm.  Not sure about it all.  Though, I must admit, I think it has nearly happened a few times.  The feds, while they are keystone cops, got people in and on it who could do it.  Probably special forces.  And... they took care of it.  If I could sense it, others could.  Though, when they talk about chatter.  Even my kind, with no connection to the devices, are considered a form of chatter.  Anyway, I am... almost expecting a hit.  Somewhere.  Soon.  America?  Europe?  The Middle East?  China?  Taiwan?  Japan?  Lots of targets, lots of itchy fingers, lots of idiots these days.  Your politicians aren't... your politicians.  How would you know if that was actually Biden?  Or Xi?  Or Putin?  Or that they weren't so compromised so as to be anything but a direct tool.

Do you think America is the only nation to have had it's elite controlled?  Though, I don't think there is anything but opposition and controlled opposition.  Not at this point.  Thanks, Microsoft.  That is where it happened.  Stalin gained power through knowledge.  He had everybody's kgb file.  Add two and three and if you arrive at four, your file is known, held, and is being used.  Look at how many politicians do the exact opposite of both what they say, and what is needed.  That is all you need to know.  Corrupticrats.  It is just the way it is.  We simply don't have a Washington or Leonidus.  Or Christ.  Could be our dark night of the soul.  Though the final one, or just another in a long chain of them, is another question altogether.  We will find out, and fairly shortly I should guess.

Hmm... really cooling now.  Still reading 78, but the air coming through is nearly cold.  Oh, I hope it continues.  A mid to low 50s would be super, a 40s would be tremendous.  I'll open up the upstairs, when I go that way.  And, hopefully, before too long.  I just hope I can wake in time to shut it down before it gets too hot.  Later, or goodnight.