She's not happy.

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Wanted Jasmine indoors, without the cage.  I agreed, so long as she was connected to a tether.  Either in an eyebolt, or something secure.  Furious.  Asked why I hated the dog.  I told her that I have an old hobbled up cat.  And a household.  Both need to be protected.

I had a pool I used to use for the ducks.  Mom wanted to use it for her dog.  Okay.  Three days later that was absolutely torn to pieces.  No.  That dog gets no freedom in this house until she is trained, proven, and even then only when we are home.  A lot of ifs.  No exceptions.

Hoped.

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Up earlier, I had hoped to do... things.

Blood sugar, bp, and medicine taken.  Coffee made and consumed, as well as kefir.  Love that stuff.  A list made, calls to make.  A shower planned.  Work planned.  Not many things, but some.

Up a bit late.

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Better, or I should say earlier.  But... need to push for even earlier.  I have an early morning appointment coming up.  I am a bit worried.  Have genuinely been trying to wake early.  Setting the alarm clocks, varying bed times, even sleeping through whole days.  Difficulties.

Dying faster?  Maybe, maybe not.  Certainly closer to death than age would indicate.  It's... like a piece of mostly dead near orbit space debris.  If it is falling into the gravity well, but has propulsion, or enough remaining velocity, inertia, it just won't fall.  Inertia, though?  Or some propulsion I simply don't understand... the hand of God?

Hating me?

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Oh, saw it the other day.  A local woman, walking with her child.  Wouldn't wave back.  Hard looks.  She clutched her child and hurried off, looking back in fear?  Sour sentiment?  I was pretty sure why.  I just chuckled.

As I have said before, I don't make the rules.  I don't even enforce them.  From gravity, to biomechanics, to solar forces, laws and principals are not only not my doing, they are beyond my understanding.  This I have known... from before you, or I, were even born, even the first time.  Certainly the next times.  Might not come back whole, from death.  But I didn't come back lessor, save from a worldly view.  Things I realized, I think from... before the big bang.  The beginning.

Some small bits.

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A bit at waking.  Not much.  I am still rough.  A few things.  A bit later?  Very few things.  She has been backing off on attempting to machine-gun orders.  I might or might not do a few things.  But soon or late I just shut down and crash.  I really need rest, sleep.

It is just starting to begin to sort of start cooling.  Days are more in the 80s, if nights, lows, are just getting to the low 60s.  Warm.  Hot really, especially without cooler nights.  Days are supposed to be dipping into the low 80s and mid to lower 70s in the next week or two.  Rain is supposed to be arriving.  Clouds have been passing through, but rain has been scant.  We keep hoping.

A list of things, mostly calls, tomorrow.  But... many calls.  Oh, and dental too.  Ugh.  Something forgotten on the list.  I think there are half a dozen calls already.  Just one run, mom's medicine.  Probably?

As catastrophic?

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A regular read suggested that ignoring the laws of social dynamics is, in time, just as disastrous as ignoring the laws of thermodynamics (or, presumably any solid physics or engineering laws or principles).  You can squeak by, for a while.  Taking a few losses over time, which begin to compound as the ignored truths are applied to all else.  Then roads, buildings, electronics, planes, or in this case societies, collapse.  Often, I would go further, one failure inexorably leads to the failure in all the others if pushed by tptb.

I... must debate that.  No, it is true, as far as it goes.  Where it fails is the level of destructiveness.

Never quite sure.

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I have talked around the cage, for Jasmine.  Not... certain whether mother is resigned to keeping it, yet.  Or onboard.  I won't have her loose in the house.  But would very much like to have her in the house.

Not just on cold days.  Or hot ones.  If we travel.  When weather is bad.  Or even often just sometimes during the day.  Even if she and Sassy can learn to get along, a dog simply shouldn't be allowed to roam a house without people, or even always with people home.  Sometimes.  Destructive animals.

A bit, earlier.

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Just one wagon unloaded.  Quite a pile out there.  Or group of piles.  Each wagon drops between one and two square yards of material.  I think there are between eight and twelve loads out there.  I would guess five to ten more will end up out there, or so.

I also reset kefir.  Then cleared the freezer top.  Mom wanted to find meat packages to pull to the other freezer, or begin thawing.  I'll reset that, if she hasn't.  Currently it is where I let kefir ferment, make ice and (my french press) coffee, and filter water.  Will, in time, move those to other stations so that pulling packages from the deep freeze isn't such a hastle.

She remembers what she wants to believe.

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I told her I won't, can't, work for a bit.  On top of last night's painful horror, and general exhaustion from pushing too long, as well as it still staying in the 90 F range?  I'm done until it cools.  That's just the way of it.  I should say, until it cools and then I catch my breath.  A week of cooler weather, then we'll see.  Two?

Well, and still adjusting to medicine.  Which I have been missing, lately.  Ugh.  I'll have to sort that.  Getting three out of four doses, but that isn't enough.  I have to push, especially now that I am taking a break.

A change of plans.

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Mother had wanted me to buy a storage system.  I've been hemming and hawing about it, quite spendy.  She suggested she would pay a certain amount a month on it.  But, if she is looking for a way out, of here, I can't make that deal.

To be honest, I have been looking for a way out of that deal.  Selling it, in the future, might be difficult, and it would be at a bit, or lot, of a loss.  Just getting it off the property might be a trick, potentially an expensive one.

Well, there is that.

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Didn't measure for the dog cage?  Nope.  Measured the dog.  Chose "roomy" based on that.  Didn't want her ears touching the top of the cage.  So had to take the length required.  Didn't measure the room, or doors.

No, it won't, constructed, fit through the doors.  So, has to be built in her room.  BUT,  only after completely reorganizing her room.  Moving her bed, bed stand, and one of her dressers.  Plus rearranging a third of her room, otherwise, in general.

Pain.

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It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Cramps, multiples, in the legs, plus the arms this time.  A new or rare thing.  Toss in a headache.  The type of extreme pain that used to cause me to scream, and emit tears past any resistance.  I have learned to... relax, make no sound, and hold tears.

It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Six months?  A year?  And a while before that time, again, and again, rarities for... some time.  But, about three years ago, and on back, it was a monthly to weekly, rarely even more often clusters of, events.  I keep daring to hope those episodes are gone.  Wasn't sure how well I would hold up.

Not much.

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Too late.  Too slow.  I couldn't get out today, mostly.  I did take Jasmine for a short walk.  I helped mom with a few things.  We had supper.  We talked from time to time.

I made three calls.  To a phone company, about a phone that hasn't showed up.  A line, because of that, that I haven't used.  A bill that is overdue, which needs to be corrected.  There isn't a manager in the office until Monday.  And one of them seems required to do more.

Oh, right?

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When preparing to get to town, deciding what to wear, I saw a stack of jeans.  Wasn't sure what size any of them was.  Picked the solid denim colored ones.  Wranglers.  Looked new.  Dug around for the size a while, before seeing the size tag.

I doubted it would fit, but you never know.  I'm still a fatboi.  Don't doubt it.  I am 6'5" and change, at 234, but yes, still have a belly.  Getting that last fifteen to thirty pounds off is proving impossible.  Still, having the first eighty five to one hundred fifteen pounds off is a good start.  Even if that is it.

A later start.

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Mom called around seven?  Eight?  Offered breakfast.  Bacon and eggs.  Oh, this morning, that sounded good.  I hoped she didn't expect a lot.  As I mentioned, yesterday, while I had things to do, I wouldn't be doing much otherwise, for a while.  I'm mostly pretty done.

I don't mind carrying laundry, or taking out trash and recycling.  Things like that.  Especially if she can have two or three such tasks ready to go at once.  I have strength to do any normal job.  I just don't have stamina, or the ability to start, and stop, then continually start and stop.  No!  But three, even four, hefty even, tasks at once, then a rest.

Out, starting.

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The dog got a short walk today.  I couldn't do a long walk, even based on my property.  Enough that we worked together a bit, she got off the long static line, and was able to check part of her world.  Fed, as well.  Last night we offered her kefir cottage cheese.  Unlike Sassy, she seemed to like that!  Will give her some every few days.

I don't want to feed her or Sassy human food, or modern human food.  Meats?  Fermented dairy?  Sure, in some moderation.  Raw is better for them, if Sassy won't eat raw.  I'll bet Jasmine will.  And, on steak days, and roast days, she may well get a quarter pound of raw.  As well, when doing burger.  Not so much pork of any kind.  Chicken?  Probably cooked, since I do the whole bird?  Or maybe wings raw?  Not sure that is safe for her?

Didn't know.

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I thought certain folk had stopped reading here?  Maybe they have.  Or haven't.  That they still read would explain some things.  Among menfolk, to a degree.  If probably, at least in part, from anger from, and about, their ladyfolk of various relations.  Sisters, wives, aunts, grannies even.

I... did say I have a way with women.  And it's not as they would have it, if it is the only way I can offer.  They were mean, a lot meaner, for most of my life.  Now?  I don't mean to be mean but I refuse to be other than honest.  It isn't even payback.  Just a solid masculine maturity.

Thorns.

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Some of the weeds have them.  Not even thick gloves help.  Try as one might, avoiding contact isn't possible.  So, when barbed, or cut?  It hurts for days.  I can't see anything to remove.  It either heals over time, or the nano-darts are absorbed.  It's been hurting since two mornings ago.  Just the right index finger.  But any physical touch on that finger hurts like a fresh stab... group of them.  Why just one finger?  Would have thought it would have stung all the fingers, even the whole hand.  Nope, just that one finger, and just the tip.

Up around five.  I went down last night, only to need to get back up.  Bathroom issues, though to get trash out as well.  Wasn't sure I would be up early.  While awake, not absolutely certain I am getting out of bed.  Maybe?

Up, doing better.

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I woke around 18:00, 19:00, or so.  It was still warm, if slowly beginning to cool.  I was hoping mom wouldn't jump me to do things.  I would have just gone back to bed.  No way I was going to do much.  Feeling better didn't mean feeling at all good.

She did start in about Sassy getting sick.  I just told her that goes with having a cat.  She kept yammering.  I was about to go back to bed, because there is nothing to discuss.  Either leave it, or deal with it.  Sassy was here first.  But she stopped.

Ah, that is the problem.

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Too much medicine.  I have to be careful.  The size of pill was changed.  I was thinking the dose was doubled, for some strange reason.  It wasn't.  It was quadrupled, from 3.125 to 12.5 mg, or thereabouts.  So, when taking one and a half pills, I was taking not my proposed 9.xx, but 18.xx to 19.xx mg.  Way over the 12.5 max, amd well over my comfort zone.

My bp must be absolutely crashing.  So... yea.  I will see if she can get them to go back to 3.125 or even 6.25 mg doses.  Which I can parse more simply.  Because, yes, taking a lower dose when bp is low, or full dose when it is high, really helps.  Can't easily do that accurately with such large dose pills.