Burger and cabbage.

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That is simple, but really good.  Spice it as you wish.  I like a bit of italian, garlic, red pepper flecks, and black pepper.  When I tire of that I may try allspice, cinnamon, ginger, and a different heat source.  Yeah.  I added a few mushrooms this time.  Good enough.  I'll have a salad in a bit.  Loving that ranch.  Nothing beats homemade glop!  Even if I have to use the packaged dressing mix, the rest is truly right.

I keep thinking Saturday is Sunday.  I get the rest of the days in the week pretty much right (something new, only the last few years really).  Reliably tracking the day, and generally date, is... nice.  You have no idea what it is like to ghost through life unable to know these things, to keep them functionally active in mind and memory.  Yeah, I really do enjoy the new me.  What is impressive though?  In spite of truly being far more dead than alive?  Most people didn't know.  That is either high praise for me or very low praise for most people, in several ways... those who can't tell the difference and/or that others who are healthy are no different.

I'll try to get back to things.  I don't seem to need extra sleep.  Though even getting the rest my body seems happy with I don't seem to be able to be all that functional.  I'll keep working on it.  I'll make an attempt to punch out of the hole I am in.

Ah, Gabbers aren't bad.  I was just talking off my exhausted head, and using worst examples.  Some aren't good at playing the 300 or less phrase game.  Some are out of their gords.  Some are lost, afraid, crazy.  And then you have those that are there for some sort of faux love.  Bleh.  Can't even tell, truly, who is who.  But most do just fine.  I... just get grumpy when tired sometimes.  Thing is, it really isn't a chat at a local coffee house, old school or hipster.  Some of them could be computers.  Heck, I might be a... wait.  Anyway...  It's an interesting place.  Good for news, titters and chuckles, a bit of banter and maybe some pseudo-flirts.  Just.... don't expect it to be your life.  Not even a guy like me.  Just... apologizing, a bit.

Later.

Slept well woke well.

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Just that little bit of getting out and all seemed to help.  I am still exhausted, but working through, over, or beyond that seems to help trigger a release that allows for a better sleep.  It is raining out there, so darker as well.  No fuss today.

I did produce a mess of mayo, then dressing last night.  Good?  Yes.  Very good.  I have, for my part, as close as I can get, produced as good of a ranch dressing as I am able.  And that ranch dressing will rival anything on any market or even small tack-on restaurant which does their own dressings, at any level.  Life is good regarding that for me, finally.  You have no idea how long I worded to try to do it all on my own.  It just doesn't work.  My guess is, whoever doesn't use the packets uses something else that is just as "out of bounds" and will never tell you.  Liars.  But fine, be that way.

I am hoping my mother is around.  I'll give her a call.  She doesn't always realize she likes to or wants to talk to me, until I don't call her for a long time.  Teh Womenz!  Crazy.  Mom, sister, your woman, all nugging futz, and it's all our fault.  Actually... I'm hoping.  *grins*  Nothing like guilt with honest if deceitful deniability.  How can it be honest and deceitful?  Ignorance is bliss, baby.  Woot!  Woo, woo, wow!  Woo-hoo!  Love me some women thinks.  Remember, if they bring you their hate, they... actually do love you, or want to.  Bon apetit.

Anyway... yeah... I'll give her a call.  Just like to see how she is.  Later.

Medicine and groceries.

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Yeah, the scripts went through.  Not sure they were filled, but after calling in they were ready when I got there.  The price frightened me at first.  It seemed so much higher than before.  Losarten is a rather spendy medicine, the most expensive of the lot, probably because it is potassium sparing.  When I was told these were for three months... no problem.  Monthly it would be a challenge.  Though, for some reason, the potassium, I only get that in monthly lots.  I wonder if it is too fragile, or breaks down to quickly.  That's a bit of an annoyance.  I'll see what I can do about that.  At least this potassium is easy for me to take.  The V.A. stuff was terrible.

After that, groceries.  Just a bit.  Apples, cabbage, romaine lettuce, a few other things.  I also caved and went for ranch dressing packets.  I have tried and tried, and tried some more, to get the right blend of spices.  I just can't get it.  I'll still make my own mayo, and I keep creme fraisch on hand regularly now.  Using that rather than sour cream, I do like the texture better... plus it is definitely probiotic as I use kefir to produce it.  I might whip that up for a salad before bedtime.  Yeah, I think I won't mind adding veggies in, certain ones.

Oh, right, I think I also finally figured out my problem with kefir... why it was often thin.  I think many, when they say they use whole milk?  They aren't talking about whole milk you find in stores, but whole milk, unseparated, straight from the cow.  Basically, what they mean, is whole cream or half and half.  I'll be exploring this.  I'll try some with whole and some with a mix of the two.  Regular store bought whole milk kefir is thin, too thin, usually.  Sometimes it's good, if I think that is probably in the spring, when feed is richer... or something.  Didn't really track it seasonally.  Live and learn.

I am tired.  At least I got a bit done, another shower, groceries, and next a bite or three.  Good night.

Showered and postal.

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Well... no one was injured, that I recall.  But I did go to the post office.  mail, packages, funny looks.  I'm the local ogre but not everybody is used to having an ogre about.  Well, and some are and think it's somewhere between groovy and crazy to allow such critters to roam outside of chains and without attendants.  I simply can't afford them.

I'll make a few calls today, see what is going on.  Medicine, house payments, lots of things.  Maybe a trip to town.

I had a ribeye for lunch.  Those are simply the tastiest things.  And they have the perfect balance of fat and protein for keto.  Now, I heard from Desert Cat that vegetables were actually necessary.  And I argued with him, as with my doctor.  I... may have to walk back on that.  Beside, extra edible potassium is wise.  He was right about a number of things.  Yeah, I know.  I seem to, part of the time, have to make my own mistakes and sleep in that bed... hoping it doesn't become a death bed.  Thankfully, so far, I seem rather prone to life.  Reminds me, I'll have to email him and see how they are doing.  I won't offer troubles upon his head, just ask and leave it.

I will do just a spot of shopping, if I get out, today.  Green leafy vegetables.  Though I do need to make ranch dressing, which means mayo as well.  I might buy chard or some other types of such for adding to my bone broth.  It'll mean heating it a bit longer, so I may do a couple days all at once, then re-store it to be heated per use on the given day.  Heavier dark greens can handle it.  Hmm, could use some seaweed too.  The thing about seaweed is that much of it has heavy metal contamination.  I haven't found a, for sure, safe source for that.  Which might well be out of my price range.  The world is going down hard.

Well... a song for the kickoff to the weekend?  Maybe.

Just another.

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What day?  Ah, right.  I best get to some things.  A small trip, a phone call or three, maybe a long trip.  After a shower and such.  Bleh.  I was just thinking how much I used to hate partying... my kind.  No worries.  Post is short and sweet and I think even the more demure of dames can handle... well, mostly.  If they internalize and remember behind or ahead, yeah... maybe.  *wink*

I love laying traps.

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Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.  But with a trap, you know if it has been tripped.  Not always by whom, though guesses are probably on a short list.  I was just... curious.  I wonder if they take it too seriously... or not.  This might help if they do.  Or... not.

By the way, that thing with airing out the house worked.  I just had a batch of sneezes, but the first since I aired out the place.  I just have to remember to add a new screen in, say, January to February.  That one will pretty much last for the rest of the season.  Then, in fall, I blow it all out again, then add a new screen and let that blow more hot air out for another hour or so.  It sure beats sneezing all winter.

I am hoping to get to a few things today.  Very little has much to do with the intertubes.  Still... if blogging is addictive, Gab and the others are like crack.  Saps the life out of you while at it.  Later.

Oh my Lord, but the people are weak.

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I'm going to stop Gabbing.  I might check in from time to time.  But really, tis a silly place.  I still don't understand all of the tricks to it, or how all things work.  In time I suppose I will figure other things out.  I have done amazing things, though, without being told.  I figured out how to edit before they announced the potential, and was just trying things here and there that worked, but just because they had just been brought online.  However, there are other things I don't understand at all.  Time, just not for a bit.

People are not... very bright.  Stoners are stoners.  Broken dolls are just that.  Some things never change, online or off.  So many of them, even at Gab which is supposed to be a voice for those who are being denied, still want someone else to tell them what to do, but only someone who agrees with them, often.  What?  Exactly.

Imagine someone talking to Christ.  Well, sure I want eternal life.  But I don't want to have to do anything for it.  I mean, if I want sex with the neighbor, what is it your business?  If I steal some money, why shouldn't you support me in that?  Sheesh, man, just get off my back!  Huh?  Yeah.  There are some who do get it, but they can't go long.  They won't push through.  Someone else will be required to do the heavy lifting.  If that doesn't happen, they will just grumble and go back to wherever they came from.

Where do I fit?  As rough as I am, I am simply my own man.  I am beholden to God with my life and all.  I will do what is wisest for me, with His will in mind.  I speak my mind, even if it isn't well represented in common consent, or often in civil tones.  And, yet, I do try to maintain some order, more for the Spirit of my Lords sake.  Yeah, a rough in the diamond?  :p  I do try, and I do fail.  A lousy singer in church, metaphorically, but I do belt it out.  Usually too chicken literally, though permanent dry throat doesn't help.  And not being used to PEOPLE adds to it.  God knows, literally.

It's been so long since I interacted in a group of groups.  Then again, it is internet people.  Many are reitred, like me.  Or otherwise ill disposed or ill dispensed from one sort of ill or another.  Oh well.  Use it for news and a bit of conversation from time to time.  Later.

Another morning.

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I have been awake for an hour and an half, it's 4:30.  I can't remember bedtime, though it was after 17:00, perhaps at late as 19:00 though probably not all that close to it.  Just guessing.  I am stretching my day into business hours but it is killing short term memory, which impacts mid term memory.  Think of the various memories as building blocks, or better parts of the food chain.  If there are scant little things, the big things will suffer, as with memory and memory through time.

I am making an effort to heal.  It just isn't working.  I will hand most of this to the changing season.  It is pummeling me this year.  I will check with the pharmacy today.  If medicines are in, I can begin working those again.  That might help.  The doc wouldn't give doubled lower dose medicine.  I don't know if he has limits.  I know, at times, these medicines have become scarce.  Perhaps that is the deal.  Dunno.  So I went with the lower dose.  it will simply slow progress.  I don't even mind that, and it was the only other real option.

I have been gabbing quite a bit.  I may take a day or two off.  Or soon.  I am following 2608 people.  Not all that many talk at once.  I am not sure how many are on at any time, but really, only maybe twenty people seem to be slowly active at any given time, many of them just read and vote posts up or down.  I still have no idea what I am doing.  Are there private rooms, or side rooms?  How do you know or find them?  I see there are ways to censor, but is is people or words, and how does that work.  There is much to learn.  There is a starter guide but... I... it isn't written in a way that my mind can use it well.  A Spartan trying to read Greek.  Even if I was classically trained, it... really isn't how my mind works.

Well...  On to gabbing some more, I guess, as I wake.  Mostly just reading and smacking down smarmy people who think they are in private chats.  *bam!*  Later.

Well... bedtime.

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I'll try to push some things through tomorrow.  Another shower, or bath?  A trip here or there, or not.  Dishes, laundry, at least getting those together.  Trash out, who knows.  So worn, but not done.  Good night.

Yeah? Yeah.

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I made it out.  I didn't think I would.  I was sure I wouldn't.  I just never quite give up all hope.  All of a sudden, I went from sitting here to in the car and going.  Gone.  Bye.  To the various stores, after checking my accounts.  Looks good.  Did I get everything?  I can't afford everything.  But I did get what I wanted and needed.  I think.

Nothing fancy.  I might do it again soon.  Good afternoon.

Well, I am... doing.

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Not a lot.  I got a shower in, dressed, and made it to the post office in time.  Just, but that counts.  A bunch of packages which were back-ordered from months ago.  Now worries, I suppose.  I finally have short sleeve, button up, shirts I like that fit.  In poplin.  A few more cooking items, and pens.  Not standard pens, fountain pens.  I have several letters to write.  Noodler's ink as well.  Waterproof, archival, lasts, and not that expensive.

After returning home, I decided to wait to call the doc.  About medicine.  They called, when the phone was in the other room.  I was just going to get it in order to call.  Worked out well.  I had to debate.  Not sure it will work but I asked for what I think will help me get to dose the quickest.  She argued with me, mostly.  Wasn't happy.  Might not get what I want.  I just told her to skip that medicine, but I think they really want that one, so she sort of, agreed.  I shouldn't have to argue like this.  Though if they just want to cut dosage, it means it'll take longer for me to get up to dose.  Gah!  Every fucking doctor and office is like this.  I really may just quit medicine when I get to Alaska.  This is just annoying and more.

I don't think I can make it to town.  Though maybe.  I'll think on it.  Later.

Dames.

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If I can't speak to you?  If you can't or won't speak to me?  There is nothing I can, or would, do.  If I think you are irreparably femininely insane?  I just won't deal with you.  Dealing with women on Gab who simply... have lost it brings reminders.  For my part, I will tell a woman what is on my mind.  I don't hold back.  Once I have said my piece, though, I am done.  Even on Gab, a lot of them just don't get that.  Although one among them, one they might consider queen, has learned to... not engage.  I checked this earlier.  What would keep her at bay... only a few things.  The temptation had to have been grand.

Not bad.

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I made it to past 17:00, nearly 18:00, then crashed like a biker into a full cement truck.  I always wondered how mothers developed sight in the back of their heads.  Mine are welcome, for not doubts I played a large part in that for them.  Not a hate thing, at all, just the costs of life, if with a bit of a tickle... up until it was my turn.  I then woke in the midnight range.

I'm not doing much.  Can't do much.  I hope I can click in and latch down, catching the day and hanging on for a bit.  That would be nice.  When you are past your time so far that miracles no longer explain it, though, I suppose sometimes you just have to take it as it arrives, do what you can, and enjoy as possible.

Supper was in.  Soup.  I added bone broth too it, some salt, some red pepper flecks, micro'ed the lot, and... nice.  Oh, I added cream.  It can be a really nice addition.  To think, for so many years I missed out on soup because I thought I didn't like it.  Just broth is amazing with a few minor touches.

I am hoping to... do something today.  What?  What what?  I don't know.  I have some plans, but I don't want to jinx them.  Maybe a bit, maybe a lot, though I might fall flat, again.  I'll keep trying.  Later.

Stretching.

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I am attempting to push my day into the early evening.  I thought about a trip to the post office, and town.  Not today, probably not tomorrow.  Soon.  Grocery shopping, a larger amount of cat food and litter material this month and next, mail of course, prep for winter.  It's still a bit off.  It creeps slowly until it has snuck up in plain sight.  Then there is snow.

I have been burning time on Gab.  I'll... take a break.  If I can.  Addictive.  Wasteful, too, really.  Sometimes there is news.  Usually just the "hooray for our side" banter.  Oh, I do disagree.  However, I let it go just so far (especially with women), then I say... that's it, no more.  People are amazed when I cease to engage.  I say my piece, riggle raggle a time or two, and then go upon my way.  If it isn't settled for someone else, that truly isn't my monkey.

It's a bit rough, don't know how much longer I will actually make it.  Even a few more hours would be good.  I doubt if I can make it to when I would like to make it.  A shower would be good, and might help a bit.  As well, it would add to prepping for tomorrow.

Oh, an update on the homemade dry shampoo.  The stuff does really well.  Though I have showered, I wanted to see how long the hair lasts, my hair anyway, which is thin (per hair, not really so much scalp-wide) and prone to being greasy.  I will say that, for me, this stuff does pretty good for about five to seven days.  Then it starts getting a caked feeling.  It still works, but loses volume and begins to appear just a bit oily/wet.  What I also really like about it, is that if applied behind the ears, it makes it so my glasses limbs don't dig in, or become smelly, etc.  It really checks that.  I've always had a problem with that, no matter how well I have been able to keep clean otherwise.  I think it's my size and the limit of glasses to really fit large people.  Or, maybe, many have that problem.  Just a little dab of the stuff behind the ears, as needed/wanted, and it really helps.

Later, or good night.

Just a bit of chaos to start things.

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I have been awake for a bit.  Gabbing, and youtubing.  Gab?  It's a replacement for twitter, which has self-immolated.  I'm not saying I'll stay, or do much, but it's a curiosity and you know how those go.  I am pretty sure this is... hmm... pretty much as the cliques in high school, even before.  I am working to increase the number of people I follow.  Not really interested in gaining followers.  I am seeking the zeitgeist.  Each has a little bit of it.  A small sample isn't enough.  Patterns emerge with enough throughput and involvement.  I should stay quiet, but I am simply enjoying myself, writing, agreeing, reposting, as I see fit.  I know not what I do.  As is my usual, I simply... do.  The zeitgeist might not live there, though.  Or, if it does, it might not be found there.  Time tells all.

Bone broth is quite good.

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Sometimes I forget I have it.  I have had it suggested that two to three cups of the stuff is a good thing, if more for a medicinal thing.  And, yet, that is about right for me.  If I was five feet tall and my weight, maybe not.  At my size I do need just a bit more... of everything.  As well, adding whole cream offers good fats and a potential energy boost.

The thing about bone broth is I do not salt or otherwise spice it.  I make it in the raw, so I can use it for anything, out of an abundance of fear of oversalting or spicing a batch, and for fear of carb issues.  I have been trying to get a solid idea about how much to add, for taste.  The thing is it is different each time.  Sometimes I like more, sometimes less... of any given thing.  I am working to find some sort of middle ground though.  This is good stuff, whether you are on keto, no diet, paleo, or... just about anything.  They really did consume this, probably to a man, at one time.  Daily.  It's what they had, and they didn't have much.  Toss in vegetables if available, meat if there was enough, or just drink the meat tea and be grateful for it.  Plus, it is good enough as for what it is to be used on true fasting days.

Today, for three cups, I added an half teaspoon salt, red pepper flecks, and an italian seasoning blend, plus a quarter teaspoon of garlic powder and black pepper.  Perfect.  I would like to try "sweet" blends.  No sweetener, just spices that bring that to mind, such as clove, allspice, cinnamon, and perhaps some others... mint?  Dunno.  Look, it's a game.  How not to be bored with stuff that sustains rightly, or better.

Someone, someone else I think, dug way back.

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I think I know why.  Who?  That could be a number of folk.  However, it would be someone who read my blogs long long ago and is still connected through other blogs.  There are probably several possibilities I might know and a few to many I simply don't know exist.  They read, they don't comment... or even leave a trail.  As I wrote on a blog comment recently, which I think is why these videos were dug up, was that while I might not always be able to get to my feet, that doesn't mean I will ever kneel.  And I strongly despise those who do, as few could be as incapacitated as I am at my worst... at least and still be outside of an hospital.

Accidents happen.

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Sometimes, perhaps more often than one could know, accidents are tremendously fortuitous.  A foot forward through calamity is still a foot forward, especially given some of the other options.  One cannot bet on the probability of another outcome, not enough data.  For one example, if they had diagnosed the heart as bad early, they would have replaced it... back then I believed doctors knew what they were doing.  I'd be dead.  Better to suffer and live?  Only if one believes in God, perhaps, and then only learned of God after what would have been death.

Another, more simple, accident which proffered fruit recently?  Ah, yes.  I do use crystal light.  I use it in water, I also use it in tea.  I have certain flavors I enjoy very much.  Most I don't bother using.  Mostly berry types, for me.  I tried various lemonades, to mixed reviews.  Actually more negative.  Just a bit too... too.  However, I happened to be nearly out of most.  I almost never use a whole pack.  Actually, I take that back.  I mean I never use a whole pack, for sure.  I happened to have a partial of lemonade and, perhaps, fruit punch.  I mixed them.  Nice, very nice.  I have since experimented.  About two thirds of the berry to one third of any of the lemonades (you like and find work with the other) and, bam, you get a really nice flavor boost.  I don't use this stuff full strength, or every day.  A treat, even if "diet".  Even so, as a treat, I enjoy it more this way.  Something for you to tinker with.

Look, I enjoy tea.  But the volume in which I consume it, it's... impossible to just drink it the same all the time.  Even if I mix teas, which I do.  Even if I have different sorts of teas, for different moods.  Even while sometimes I drink it hot, mid, or cold.  And water?  I haven't been able to drink it without an add since the mid to late 90's.  Might be a side affect from the medicines they wrongly had me on.  It seems permanent now.  There are often downsides to even fortuitous accidents.  Anyway, just thought to share.

Yes, tea and coffee really help.  In enough volume, the water is a flush, the caffeine helps with hunger, and some... other good things for the keto and i.fasting way.  It is the way of it.

Later.

Very long nap.

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Not much of a choice.  I needed the nap.  I woke during it but could not break the spell but for moments.  Sleep was good, I seemed to need it, so be it.  Sam and Sassy joined me, at times.  In the end they just wanted me to wake.  Not so much for food, though sometimes they confuse(?) one sleep time with another.  Generally, I think, they know I only feed in the morning (wet/canned cat food).  But if they think they can trip the system and get food off schedule, they will.  My becoming healthier must suck.  Then again, they don't go, possibly, days without food now.  Although there is always dry food, which I keep out and let them eat at will.  These cats have almost never known even hunger save by choice.  They both also hunt.  Sam is am absolute master in class.  Sassy... will get it if it's in the house, but more for territory and play.  I don't think she prefers mice.  Sam finds them absolutely delicious.

Dreams.  My sleep has been full of them, but they aren't surfacing as I wake.  Something about a woman, tripping around my psychic demesne.  But I don't think that is a dream, because that happens even when I am awake.  If I had to say, I would guess there are two of them.  For good or ill, in love or malice, though with women, is there always a difference?  They as often hate with love as love with hate, and they wonder why we do just what we do without heed to their neurosis.  If the more common meanings for neurosis and psychosis, that one is a lack of understanding and grounding in the real and the latter is and understanding of the real but extreme dislike, that might explain a powerful part of the male and female, and prove the theory that the one deserves the other.  Cheers?  Some think, sometimes, that I am being snarky.  Promises.  That... isn't snark.  It isn't even a bark, let alone a bite.  It's... just a note... a possibility.

Uhm, today?  Is it today?  No snark.  You probably have no idea what living in this sort of exhaustion is like.  It has returned.  And, while I fight through it, that only accelerates the... depth of the fog.  And, yet, I know, if I just sit there the fog will just remain.  Risks either way.  I'll take the risk of action over the risk of inaction.  I would, despite all written and played here, despise being a woman, trapped in fear and inaction, and in part by nature.  It's not all their fault, it is simply the way, for them, quite often, that it has to be.  They cannot ask, they can only... respond.  And, this carries through to much else.  It is why they are wanted, by those who want America to fail, in certain positions.

I don't know if I will get to anything.  I have a number of tasks on the list.  If I can wake properly some or all may be possible.  Or I'll just string out as much time as I can... or little as if I can get back to bed so as to wake more in the day I will.  I'm sort of stuck between neither and nor.  I'd like to get back to either and or.  Innit?  Later.

I was wondering.

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Once she fell into the trap, knowingly or not, would she simply flee?  Or would she, as I have sensed before, attempt to touch the hem of my cloak?  Evidence is what it is.  Old songs, and some new ones, but of a sort that would be understood personally.  You, dear reader, only have... these things are stories, tall tales at best.  You might enjoy them, or they might terrify you.  She?  She knew these.  She didn't believe, even living them, but for fear not because she knew better.  They really can't look into some parts of the world, men, monsters, or nephilim.  Women are terrified of some things.

In no particular order, mostly.  Yes, old and some new.  She has been watching, perhaps she is catching up after getting bored and dropping off.