Time and a few things.

.
.
It may not be as quickly as I had thought.  I will be ending my association with gab soon.  I'm not a good fit.  It has been "new".  It is addictive.  But it doesn't really add anything.  Socializing with complete strangers.  I suppose some sort of relationship is created.  Just as often someone who is ignorant, none too bright, or just a jerk, is on the other end.  Mocking, but as leftists do.  They never really do just say they don't like what you said or your music.  They actually do just the opposite.  It's difficult to tell what you are dealing with, probably ever.  Snark doesn't do well online.  No tells.

How much longer I will stay is sort of up in the air.  I'd like to wait for Trump's inauguration and first hundred days.  There is some good info, from time to time, there.  If too, there is a lot of junk-false news.  Or just the loony bin stuff.  I am so itching to leave.  It is just a matter of time.

Then, sometime... perhaps before, maybe after, I will end blogging.  I don't know if I should kill the blog, but I am thinking that is probably right.  Between youtube and blogger, the older posts, especially with music, are falling apart.  I really can't keep up on them.  Every once in a while, if I track a hit back, I'll try to fix a page.  But it's... too much work, and not always possible anyway.  Yeah, best to just take it down.  Probably.

I don't know that I'll be able to get to anything more.  Maybe.  The future will just have to be what it is, when it comes, as those things happen.  Yeah... I'm giving you fair warning.  The day is coming.

Good night, Mr. Leonard Cohen.

.
.
Nothing I could say would properly express his life or the learning and joy I gained from it.  A few of my favored pieces.  How best to celebrate some special individuals?  With their own works.  Rest in peace.  A prayer for the resolve of your soul is in the works.

Wonderful.

.
.
Wonderful headache.  Oh, and a bit of nausea.  Wonderfully messed up body.  Wonderfully missed appointment.  I think I can manage the headache.  It isn't a migraine, but is enough offputting I will attempt to treat it.

I changed my doctor appointment to today.  I was awake.  I knew it was coming.  I tracked the time, and... time blew right past it, with me in tow.  How do you drop two to three hours.  Well, it means I'm still doing poorly.  I used to drop weeks, so...  A few hours is what it is.  I just wish it hadn't been today.  Nothing to do but keep at it.  I won't bother making another appointment until I am clear of this psychic... and physical... muck.  Fog?  Fogue.

I'll just... I don't know.  I am hoping to break through before long... or settle in for a long winter of mostly sleeping.  I've been seriously off my feedbag as well.  Which is fine.  I have been meaning to fast, at least daily, for a while.  I am there, I think, or more.  Which also means I need to be getting the potassium in.  Ugh.  There is always something.

Just checking in.  I am just awake.  Days and nights might have shifted back aright, but with the winter darkening, it almost doesn't make a difference.  All good anyway.  Good day, and morning.

Hmm, so it is.

.
.
I tried to stay up later yesterday, to see if Florida, at least, would get called.  I simply ran out of energy.  I left the machine on, so I could easily check if I woke, then go on back to bed hopefully.  I did wake.  Not having to fuss with getting the machine functioning, I hoped I could go back to sleep right away.  That simply didn't work out.  Everything was up in the air, but in a much more potentially positive manner than...

Look.  I didn't think he would win.  I wanted him to win.  I shilled for him, without compensation.  I took some hits for him.  And I hit at him.  It's my way.  Friend or foe, blows of some sort will happen.  Not always, as with Mr... president... Trump.  Testing the tires.  It is how my kind do.  I actually avoid physical, and have for some time, if that wasn't always, even so, my choice.  Sometimes one would step up to champion, sometimes my claims went unanswered.  I am simply not afraid of asking hard questions, serious questions, to me.

To my mind, even so, he held up well.  Not so all of his champions.  But, then... most people, not even men, should step up when I am at bat.  I don't play to be civil, I play for blood.  I mean to win, even if playing the devil's advocate.  If you want gentility, go to the lady's knit club.  Uhrm, or... not.  Depends on the bloody mood of the brood.  Go play softball with the girls.  They might play for blood, but they don't have that much to offer that way.  I'll make you legless, freefalling in gravity, then further slam you even faster on your way down, just to see if you can take it.  As I said, he did well, not so all his champions.  What a pussy world this has become, and that's many of the men.

So, I stayed up, and watched.  None of the sites offering information could be trusted, by me.  I was not going to open cookies for the NYTimes, or abccbscnbcnbccnn or any of them.  So I had to get what news I could from others, on gab.  Every station, to me including fox, seemed to be shilling for Hillary.  All night.  Even when they realized they had no chance, they still tried to push her way.  Last I heard they were trying to suggest she won the popular vote.  Which... I doubt.  Wonderful.  I had, days ago, in spite of my doubts, bet he would get 305 or better.  I'm still not sure if he got there, or yet.

As a return favor, I called my mother this morning.  I wasn't sure which way she have voted.  She was cheery yesterday, though that could go either way with her.  I was just as cheery this morning.  Hi.  Good morn.  Sleep well?  *chitter chatter*  Oh?  Did you know your man won?  *dead silence*  Who, Trump.  Uhm-hum.  This and that.  Well, she was a woman.  Still is, as are over half the people in the nation.  I knew, then, who she was with.  You know, with over half the population female, and them have the vote since... 1919, or maybe effectively 1920... and we haven't had a woman president?  Just the history of women, and how they voted, should tell something.  But, nooooo.  Then again, this wasn't even close.  I'm curious to see if this was a Reaganesque beat-down or a little less.  It was harsh.

Still, favor returned.  She was so chipper and smug yesterday.  Wonderful.  You know though?  I should have told her Hillary won.  Oh... the schadenfreude when she heard otherwise.  Gosh... maybe next time.  Not sure if I can get back to sleep any time soon, or if I will simply try to push through the day.  Ugh...  I'm doing okay so far.  But I know I am running on vapors.  Later or... much later.

Okay, changes.

.
.
Small things, yesterday.  More today?  Maybe.

My mother called this morning.  Just a check-in and flyby.  Well, and an election jab.  It's how my family 'do'.  It doesn't matter which side of things.  If they know which side you are most likely on, they'll poke you in the eye with it.  Not too poignantly, just enough to see if you still have reflexes.  I just laughed.

She said my brother has been calling, has left messages.  I haven't received any calls or messages.  Unless his numbers have changed I have him programmed in, both home and cell.  I couldn't call him right then, too early.  I did try a bit ago.  He didn't answer.  I didn't want to call his cell, that would more likely have meant he was out, perhaps voting?  Anyway, there is that.

Another shower today, I think.  I will cook food, a bit.  I did make a bowl of popcorn.  Plenty of butter.  I simply can't, really, taste food.  I haven't been able to for a bit.  I try to eat anyway.  I'm not sure what the deal is.  No major issue, I have had this happen before.  Not hungry, so it's not too much of an issue.  I guess I really didn't need the gum to begin fasting again.  Still, it might help when I hit a snag.  I have enough for a small gum stand and a larger event.  I may make a few burgers in a bit...  Without bread I'll just add some ranch dressing, maybe melt cheese on top as it finishes.

Yeah.  Another shower.  Perhaps some work if I can get to it.  And an attempt to push through the day.  It's not dark today.  I don't need the curtains open to sense it.  I can even enjoy it, as sensitive as I am, in what you might consider blackout conditions.  Yeah... I'm... that sort.  Oh, sometimes I am better, and enjoy going out.  And a woman might create inducements... one way or the other.  Love em', hate em', or a bit of both... but they sure get their men to... become more active.  *grins*

Later.

Life?

.
.
I felt as if something improved.  Health returned.  For a moment, just a sensation, will it lead to anything more?  I don't know.  On top of that, I dreamed of cleaning my closet, moving to the spare bedroom for a bit, and finishing off my main bedroom on out from the closet.  Time will tell.

I have been a bit frozen lately.  Night and day have been confused.  Often having several sleep and wake cycles each day, and before that some time back, more like having a day last two actual days, if sleep was more normal.  Just the season.  I haven't been keeping up on food or medicine well.  Even so, I may begin carvedilol this week... if I can find it, then load it into the dispenser.

I have a powerful itch to begin cleaning.  We'll see.  Later.

Black Friday?

.
.
Most of my life I have ignored the big sale days.  I always suspected that, for all the rush, mostly what was offered was merchandise... I wouldn't want if they gave it to me.  Last year I did a minor search of what was offered, I think the year before too.  I didn't write about it.  I wasn't sure if the failure was mine or if it was correct.  As the third year rolls around, and I suppose some skill improvement has occurred, I'll give it one more shot.  So far, what I am seeing, is the clearance of merchandise that isn't selling anymore.  Dated, shown to be defective or ineffective, or just out of style.  Even the things that are put on really cheap, limited number sales, have seemed to be low end, really out of date things... like big screen televisions of a brand I wouldn't buy.  If I wouldn't buy it at ~$400, why would I buy it at ~$99?  Not good enough doesn't become better when it is offered for less.  And, most such can't be returned.  You won't even have that as a minor backup.

Clearance of items which won't sell any other way.  That is what most of these sales bring to mind.  Cheap stuff made even cheaper.  As I said, it just doesn't work for me.  Now... if there is a minor niche to fill, or a rather specific item you had already been seeking, that comes up?  Sure.  I just haven't seen a thing I would buy, so far.  I'll look, again, this year.  Urhm, no... I won't do the store thing.  That is insanity.  And for lesser deals even then, from what ads have shown.

If someone can advise me about what I might be doing wrong, I'll listen.  I won't even argue back.  I'll give it a go.  Just... trying to find a way to save some money.  But on things I really would like to buy.  *shrug*  Later.

Troubles with fasting.

.
.
While I was chewing way too much gum, I have reviewed things.  While I didn't need it to fast as I had been, it might be useful at this point.  Part of the problem with fasting, currently, is not being on a good regular schedule.  I AM, probably, fasting... but in an uncontrolled manner.  Fasting and feasting, more than running a program.  So I have ordered enough gum for a good long period.  The hope is, though, that between using the calendar to know when and what I have eaten, plus the gum for control when I could otherwise slip, and going mostly back to plain tea, I might be able to get it all going again.

Beside feasting and fasting without a good handle on that, keeping up to cook isn't happening well either.  I'll keep at it.  At least I don't really need to go to the store for much, being primarily a meat eater.  Milk, eggs, that sort of thing.  Fruit once in a while, and now some vegetables.  But those are sides.  I can do without, for a long time, if needed.

Gabbing as usual.  It does seem that, at any time, I can quit the program.  I'm thinking on it.  Later.

Sleep is simply off.

.
.
It looks like days and nights have halved.  About two per day.  Yeah.  Medicine and the season.  I can't quite get back onto medicine perfectly.  Too exhausted to focus and memory just doesn't survive the various seeming days and nights within each real day and night.  No worries, I don't feel horrible or anything.

Food... I just can't seem to eat much of it.  When I can bother to remember I am hungry.  Food just doesn't get digested anyway.  I've been munching on almonds, as they are easy and I can eat a small enough dose that they don't clog up the gut.  Yogurt too.  Which tells me it isn't mental tiredness, but my body simply not able to function.

I will keep thinking about what I wish to do.  Sometimes, if I see it and do it, work can draw me out of that dead zone.  Hmm... a bowl of yogurt, I think.  Later.

Awake at a normal time?

.
.
Awake by 7:00, give or take an half hour.  I have three different times on various clocks for various reasons.  Softly waking means I am never sure which time I saw.  It is better than not remembering a time at all though.

I have no idea how to get going on things.  I know I wish to do so.  Even taking medicines regularly is a bit of a task.  Not a task I am successful regarding.  I do well for four to ten days then drop the habit.  It's not willful, it's simply incapacity.  No focus, foggy memory, poor time tracking.  No real problem if it isn't a real problem, I guess?  *grins*

I am not hungry.  I try to eat.  I make food from time to time.  Just... nothing really tastes good.  I have yogurt.  It's soft enough, and easy on the system.  Yeah, it's... to that.  My body has to work to hard to digest almost anything, which is a part of the problem.

I'm not terribly ill or such, save that time with the doctor.  Then again, as with when I tried to push through to get to the doctor, if I feel bad, and I back off and go to bed if necessary, it all works.  I get better quickly.  Not ill, just not really in charge of my schedule and at risk if I attempt to push it.  Just of illness.  I suspect I could function quite well, but there would be a price.  I've done that often enough.

On the good side, I may be getting back on schedule so I might be able to make the next visit.  He had an opening fairly soon, so it'll work out.  Later.

Wonderful.

.
.
As headaches go.  Not a migraine.  I have given it enough time, I do believe.  I hate medicine, even, perhaps especially, painkillers.  Pain has made me what I am, like it or not.  Still, this stupid little thing has had enough of my time and patience.

I am feeling better.  I don't think I have good control of my sleep/wake cycles though.  Which... was what I ran into.  Between this and that, I run a very rough range.  Sleeping six to maybe fourteen hours, but staying up from twelve to twenty four hours.  Once in a while I crash short, but mostly if I've done a couple of long hauls, and then probably back to back or more.  It is what it is... Fall to winter crashes versus the push to not fall.  Massive effort against the fall of a titan.

Tonight?  I don't know.  I am in the process of making a meatzza.  I would like a shower.  Perhaps some work in the bathroom, kitchen, or both.  If I get the shower in a timely manner, I may hit a load of laundry.  And... dishes are always something to do.  Bleh.  I truly hate dishes.  Even with disposable, there is always something to wash.  Always.  Always.

Gabbing a bit.  This time of night it's mostly Brits and cousins.  They don't understand us anymore than we really understand them.  They aren't fighters.  Some small history of it, but...  More like hobbits compared to men, really.  Brits have gotten in it, but they are horrible at war.  For them it has always been survival, no more.  And they aren't very good at it.  Their elitist classes are worse than ours, and totally based on who, not what is known.  So... it's slow to gab at this time of day/night.  And... they keep to their own, somehow.

Well?  I don't know.  Later.

Missed the appointment.

.
.
Rough.  I woke in time.  I was simply horribly off.  Sick.  A bit of nausea, a general sense akin to vertigo, and some other general problems.  Nothing serious, but... hmm... grounding.  I could get in to shower.  I had to sleep more.  Rough, rotten, untenable.  Still, I called to reschedule.  No fuss it seems.

Why so ill though?  I haven't felt bad for a very long time.  Perhaps lethargic, not ill.  And this was something else.  As illness goes, it was bad.  The thing is, just a few hours more sleep and it is completely gone.  Well, mostly.  What remains... I'm not even sure it was involved with that.  It may just be typical creaks, groans, and such from life.  What remains doesn't seem associated.

I am rather tired, and sore about the shoulders.  No idea why the soreness.  I think the exhaustion is simply less sun and cooler temps.  Seasonal.  All good.  I just wish I could catch a break on that.  Sometimes, if I can get used to it, I can come back part or full.  I'd like to get back to work on some things.  I like to work.  And I like what work creates.

Later.

More reading?

.
.
Maybe.  With Dantes finished, I may move on to the new testament, but this time in full study mode.  Not only do I want to look at the notes much more closely, and of course review any cited material, but also look at a good study guide.  Perhaps the whole new testament, or many just a focus on the gospels?  As the seasons change, this might be a good way to stay focused.  I may need to source a study guide I find acceptable.  Just because it says Catholic doesn't mean it is, or even if it is that it will suffice.  Much of Catholicism has been adulterated, more so since the Vatican II, then faster and faster with these last popes.  Perhaps there is something from before.

Hmm... Okay.

.
.
Whatever went wrong seemed to have corrected.  I seem, now, to be able to visit blogs.  And that post did go through.  Or seems to be in place from my perspective.  Difficult to know otherwise.  Later.

I am not sure what happened.

.
.
It looks like the browser I have been using no longer works to view other blogs.  I seem to still be able to blog.  This is a bit of a test for that.

I can't seem to get going in life.  If you can't get going, the best thing to do is fall back and regroup.  If you have to fall, fall somewhere more comfortable or close enough to get there.  Some people don't get the option, I have it so employ it.  I will keep looking for opportunities.  I simply haven't been seeing them.

Medicine has become quite regular.  Just getting that back on track will help, if I am not quite up to specs.  Still, twice daily, so as I add the last medicine, then increase dosage, it should be smooth.  Depending on how bumpy the start of carvedilol is.  That can be a monster or simple, I never know.

My feet are really back in shape.  They are still healing, but well and well into that.  There were some serious risks with them.  And, even with the good, they are still a weak spot.

I've been comfortable with the house at 66.  I don't think that is holding me back, to be honest.  I don't get that zombie cold sensation when it is too cold.  I am back to having a fairly warm body, if I can handle warm days still too.  Something is right, that is how it used to be.  Hot, cold, humid, arid, it really didn't matter to extremes most people couldn't take.  Whatever I am doing, it seems to be about right.  Probably.

Later.

Conversations lead places.

.
.
Various people, men for our part, women for their part, in various topical and not conversations, spun my mind into considerations.  How fickle love, even if true, and the grandeur of it?  Maybe.  How trusting, foolish, and necessary... love that is.  Maybe.  Such a strange thing.  Would only fools dare?  I hope not.  While a fool in many ways... then again.  Maybe.

A different dinner.

.
.
Oh, well, not an every night event.  Still, once in a while, a treat is good.  A feast.  Have you ever eaten signal crawfish?  It was in the works for a while.  That and some very good adds, including shrimp, red potatoes, fresh (somehow(?)) green beans, onions, spices, and such?  Oh, right.  Not a meal for every day, or even monthly.  I am still rolling my eyes back in my head.  A lot of work for a little meat.  True.  But beats a fork soup diet.  It was quite good.  In a few months, or so, give or take and all, I might have to do oysters.  Share out for a hand shucking.  Some for half-shell, some to be frozen for soup?  Yeah.  That would be nice.  If you've ever been sea-side and more, don't eat anything.  That stuff is addictive!  And pricey if you move away.  Then again, they usually don't have good meat on the hoof.  A good steak, seaside, costs as good seafood does inland.  Gah!  There has to be a better way?  Really, though?  I don't think so.

I've been Gabbing like a fool.  Oh, I mean online.  I can't do a whole lot more, right now.  I should be acclimating to medicine before long, but then I have to add another, then do a couple of titrations.  So... it's not going to be quick or easy.  I will push when I can, I just haven't had... the pedal is mush.  While that isn't an improvement, clarity is better.  I'll take what I can get.

I found another tv series I thought I might like.  I ordered a few seasons, and will after seeing the first season, order the rest.  Teen Werewolf, or some such.  Yes, from mtv.  The music sucks, unlike Supernatural.  But the story is okay, so far.  Yeah, the teen stuff sucks, as with the romance and such from Supernatural.  Ew, kissing.  Yeah, maybe I've become a pre-teen again.  Though, maybe that is just a guy thing.  Especially a single guy.  I may check out Diaries of a Vampire and the Originals too.  Hey, other than the trampy, trashy, chick-flick aspects, some of these are okay.  Except for the kissing, if I didn't mention.  But then again, I've never really been a voyeur.  Just isn't my gig.  Play or do not, but don't watch.  Heck, I'm that way with sports too.  Uhrm... in a very different different way.  *blink, blink*

Uhm?  Later.

Yes, starting medicines can be a drag.

.
.
Not so much... hmm... troubles... merely losing concentration.  I've been on them a couple of days, for sure, again.  Tracking well enough, if I had to make some changes.  Keeping up, just on food, forget blogging, has been... interesting.  I am trying to mix in more good carbs, as it is somewhat needed, while still trying to keep those down as far as possible.  After this two-week setup, I will begin switching in carvedilol.  Yeah, it takes a while.  Everything has to be perfect, then I have to be in shape to fill the dispenser, then I have to... be will and able to take a nosedive.  I am a reluctant patient.  If someone wants to clean and cook, I would do it more quickly.  Barring that, wait.

Gabbing is continuing.  They are trying to welcome leftists on.  The problem?  Question a lefty in the least and they run away to where no one doubts their lies and foolishness.  Yes, they know they are lying.  That is why they try to angle in to it.  If they don't look directly at their lies, I think they think they can believe.  When shown, and forced to look directly into the matter, their theories splinter and shatter.  Their ego is so involved with their lies that they simply can't handle the truth.  So... gab gives those "harrassing" the lefties a shadowban timeout.  It doesn't seem permanent, it does happen.

I see gab as just another form of twitter at this point.  They want both demographics, left and right, for advertising.  No more, no less.  It's simply a business.  And the only way to ensure that is to shadow ban whichever group seems weakest, prone to fleeing the truth or direct debate, needing a safe space.  They are only, perhaps, better than twitter in that the bans aren't permanent.  But, no, you can't speak freely always.  So... get that straight.

I am still working on developing the account... adding those I follow, some following back, commenting, and just reading.  I am not sure when an account can be ended.  Not yet, the mechanisms aren't in place.  Yes, I am considering ending my account when that is available, give or take.  Maybe this one too.  Just... leaving the interwebs as I left television.  I suppose I have to keep an email, but if those things happen, it will just be for business.

Maybe.  I have things to do and these things are distractions... and costs.  Later.

Sure cleared up fast.

.
.
I went from being rough to being well before dinner yesterday.  I am doing well again.  Sluggish, a bit, sure.  But well enough.  Visitors to the blog continue.  I can't see where they are looking.  Though the story I began, then quit, seems even to have been dug from the dust of age.  As I said then, I won't become a slave to writing for only a few measly bucks.  The average writer, assuming they put out enough, makes around $6k a year.  What with leftist gatekeepers on one side and raw markets on the other, now is not a good time to try one's hand at it.  Sure, if you want to produce, edit, figure out how to get that into ebook format, advertise it, and run yourself ragged, for such small money, go for it.

That isn't all though.  Music.  I can tell through various means that a lot of music is being reviewed.  Are the words being read around it?  I don't know.  Might not be possible, unless it is many visitors, not just a few.  I wish there was a way to know, but I haven't found an honest, trustworthy, tracker (that visitors won't cancel... and can't blame them).  I think one is still on, but only because I don't know how to remove it now.  A block of code in there somewhere.

Today?  Well... who knows.  More laundry, another shower, setting up the dishes which I didn't do the other day...  No more, probably.  Oh, perhaps seeing about male-in balloting.  I'm not sure if there is still time, how to do it, and all.  I like it as it would give me a chance to review some things that I don't currently know.  First I need to wake a bit.  I'm at 3,900(?) I am following in Gab, with about 1,500 followers.  So I hear much.  Can be a silly place.  As memeingful as... well... as memes are.  I'm backing away  from memes.  Going more for supporting news, literary, arts, and music.  Now I know, for sure, what a meme is.  It's a slogan... and how the West has nearly been lost.  Bleh.

Later.

Rough.

.
.
All good.  A new week, a fresh start.  Little works ongoing.

It looks like many visits today, but this time it was mostly, potentially, from "my" browser.  I had it sitting on my blog for edit and a page.  I can't be absolutely sure it was my browser being counted (won't let me turn off self-counting on this browser).  Now, usually it will only count the first visit.  But if the internet is intermittent, which is becoming fairly regular, that might be causing this.  No guarantees, just a suspicion.  I'm not tech savvy, mostly.

Then again, even the big boys have no real clue who or what is dinging their visitor counts, even with the gooder trackers... especially with yahoos like me who do everything we can to NOT be tracked.  Oh... I get it.  I just wish there was a tracker that bloggers and visitors could agree upon.  The problem is, as soon as they make one, get it a good name, they then sell it to Russians or the Chinese, who immediately savage everyone using it.  I've had to trackers sell and become poison, I just stopped doing it.  And, yeah, no, ms's tracker?  Yeah, no.  That might as well be Russia and China combined.

On a food note, I have found the diced raw cabbage goes quite well with any salad dressing I like.  Cabbage seems to last longer as well.  Not sure it's for everyone, but I like the meatiness of the vegetable.  Oh, and when prepping?  I cut the heart out, chef's treats.  Those truly are fantastic.  I don't even salt them.  They have a peppery taste, and just a bit of a bite.  You have to be 'this tall" ~adult and with an acquired taste~, but if so, this stuff is good.  Raw, as salad, or cooked in with fatter meats.  The fats sweeten the cabbage, the cabbage soaks up the mess, and it all comes out cleaner.  Once I have the ground meat(s) fried, I add the cabbage and let it cook for eight minutes, stirring it in at the start, middle, and end.  Not fancy, not bad.  Hot, more simple savory, or even slightly sweet will do.

Well... on with something, or nothing, depending on how it works.  Good evening.