Work did not completely stop.

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It did slow.  While suffering is negligible, fog of mind has set in.  It is simply exhausting to focus for long.  Even so, the spare bedroom is rigged, the bathroom is up to specs and is being maintained, while food production stays on track with dishes being marginally wrangled.  Not bad for my current state.  Doing anything additional is... quite a trick.

An attempt at homemade bbq sauce was made recently.  Ketchup, a gooder(tm) mustard (not expensive, just well made), sriracha, with sweet spices... cinnamon and allspice if ginger might be added next time.  Vinegar will probably end up in there in time also.  It is missing something, and depth of flavor.  It, though, wasn't horrible or bad, just not perfected.  It has been labelled as a good start.  I am grilling the meats.  Actually, more.  Went full hobo-cook the other day, and will probably never go back, opened a can of asparagus, drained it in the can, ripped off the label, added butter, then put that right on the grill for 15 minutes.  Fantastic way to fly, no extra pots, and actually vegetables are a nice add.  There, I said it.  *grumbles*  Happy, mom?  :p

I have been experimenting elsewise culinarilly.  If inputting data was easier I'd do a major haute hobo-cook field report.  It... is going quite well.

Next, to figure out ss, restart medicine, and start back in on the house.  I have decided to hit the mostly unused rooms first... self-maintaining.  Therefore the basement and upstairs are next in the queue.  The kitchen will catch dregs of energy as I am closing shop, winding down.  Ugh.  Oh, actually  I could finish the computer room first...  it is close(ish).  I'll vacuum the guest room, then powder it again with fresh baking soda for a final vacuum midweek.  That will get done today.  Other then that, dishes, and trash, the weekend is off.  Hoping to push for heavy new week.

Later.

Such a dark and hard place, time.

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Life, here and now, that is.

Bills were finally sorted.  Breathing room seemed to have been developed.  Then the other shoes started to fall... or become apparent to me?  Some of each.

My mother called.  A check I wrote not only failed, the account was gone?  I knew it was in slight arrears, but the social security check should have both fixed that and covered the check.  Also known, social security wrote saying they would be cancelling my arrangement this January, unless information could be offered.  Did they cancel early?  I simply don't know.

It took massive focus, and three days, for me to get things aligned then applied.  Out, today.  Plus shopping and medicine.  Doc didn't have a prescription for my main heart medicine and only one refill (now expended) for the other medicines.  Carvedilol is still in slim supply, so it is doable.  And they faxed him about this.  I just saw this joker in August ffs!  He would write insulin script in a second.  Even give them until I am hooked, dependent, and eminently expendable, but won't mess with the cheap life saving stuff? It sure looks that way.  Anyway, I sent what was owed, and double for guilt.  I will tackle mother in some ways.  I... won't wantonly harm her.  Even when we spat, trust me, she gives better than I can give, or more frequently... and that tangle of a woman has some seriously thick skin... who do you think taught me?

Nothing to be done for the shuttered account.  But they had gone rogue and were murdering with fees, fines, taxes, and who knows what else.  Greedy nasty monsters, kicking a dying animal after over a decade of business.  I expect a bill from them.  I will begin working on social security Monday, or thereabouts.  Ffs!  At least my conscience is as clear as it can be w/r to mom, at this point.  Even an unintentional bad check to mom?  Especially putting her in a bind?  She forgave, without even a curse.  Not fair.  Even with God, that is my most difficult event.

Later.

Such a strange life.

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Why things happen as they do will never make sense.  Waking this morning, without pain, in gooder spirits(tm) is, hrm, fine, I guess.  Appreciated, absolutely... simply, to me, a surprise.  A great gift, really.  I am enjoying.  As well, another oddity, I didn't, for the first time in years, need to void in the night... usually a four (at the least, though rather usual number too) time a night thing (on or off medicine).  Sleep is vastly superior without wakes.  Almost uncomfortable with the wealth of fitness returned from such a grand rest.  Though I had a disappointing dream.  In it my mother denied to someone special to me much... all... strange things, some of which she knows to be true as she spotted some herself and actually informed me regarding.  She does that.  Cruelty, fear of the unknown, wanting to fit in, other things?  I was able to fix that, but I shouldn't have had to do so.  Sometimes she will brave the truth, mostly she will recant even what she knows at the slightest resistance.  Perhaps that is just how most dames are?

Whatever.  Thing is, when I woke, after all those things registered, along with the realization that my feet and ankles are not swollen (a triple bonus extra gooder spirits(tm) item, and another grand surprise), was that I might now be able to begin tracking time and date again.  Yeah, it's been... that rough lately.  Better?  Even gooder(tm).  Still in exhausted recovery, but, if I can escape sickbay, I'll give work a hell of a shot.

Good morning and day.  Always double down... to the good.

A few things done.

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Some passive some active.  Often through a migraine.  There remain to headache-inducing chores.  Plus the actual work.  Medicine, the right parts, are critical to restart. Yes, I had restarted, then ran out of pottasium and haven't been up to tackling the pharmacy/doctor problem.  They are employees, not good ones.  Chastised they will be.  Okay, make that three headache inducing tasks... four... actually starting medicine too.

Meat for the week.  A pack of chicken hindquarters (would have been two, but the last bacth was charred) and a beef and pork roast, small ones.  Thirty dollars but it will feed me for a wee k and change, or until it goes bad?  Migraine disturbed my cooking Zen.  Still, got most of it, and most of it done as is preferred.  It'll need to be stored as soon as it cools.  Shortly.

I also started dishes, washing the first batch which is now rinsing.  It won't be finished tonight.  Migraine is keeping me grounded.  Painkillers soon, but those rarely help without sleep.  I did or started a few other things, but pain is nulling memory.  Work is still planned. Pain isn't a show-stopper.  It's foggy memory, lack of focus, and such which usually are the bricking mechanics.  And exhaustion...  where one of those starts and ends...  I'll keep at it.

Gaming too.  Gives me something to do when all else fails.  Dying Light.  Interesting, but difficulty ramps with no good way to manage it, at the point I am at.  The death penalty is becoming excessively steep while the difficulty is becoming even more stout.  Well, it is something.  Later or good night.

Beyond the migraine.

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A few hours after the last post, a bit of a surprise, and the migraine was gone.  Rarely do painkillers help, or that fast and without sleep.  Eating over rather intense nausea makes me suspect food was part of the problem.  But then I couldn't sleep until well after 7:00.  No more work.  Those empty every drop of mojo I have, and then some. Tack the tally for insomnia to that and, really, I am surprised to be awake, cognitive.  Even so, if I can "boot" to full awake, all systems, otherwise, are a go for work.  I will if it is available.  The bathroom, vacuuming the spare, finishing the second worm farm, stove and counters... one, several, all, none?

So life hurts, exquisitely, from time to time.  The price of admission, one gladly paid.  At this point.  Suffered gladly, though I am tending away from prideful, gleeful, notions.  Humbly, prayerful, hopefully... mostly... will do.  Good afternoon, day.

Stumbled into a migraine.

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The room was finished first.  In spite of the pain, a few more tasks were done.  Couldn't do whole tasks, just short starts.  Sweeping, but just that in the bathroom.  Bedding from the guest room shifted to the dryer, but no more... if I thought I was at an end for the night when the ache seemed to have broken me for the night.  I took a fistful of painkillers on my way to seek refuge in sleep.  It just wouldn't happen.  So, back awake. The suffering is wholly unabated, for now.  A bit to eat, I reasoned, might help.  If not it will be a brutal long night.

I will be looking for an opening to work, not holding my breath for it.  Wouch is this one nasty.  Hoping the nausea won't kill what I think will help, food.  Later or good night.

Something, anyway.

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Today, it was thought, would be as any other for quite some time now.  A nothing.  Oh, there is gaming, but neither is that successful nor productive.  It does stop sleep from eating me whole, there is that.  I am well and truly stuck.  So numb I can't tell if I have a fever, though I can plainly sense my organs grinding for... whichever reason(s) this time.  Given all that, work seemed unlikely.  Remember, though, as I have mentioned, if I see a chance, opportunity, open window, even with scant hope and faith... if I can grin I will try to bear it.

I hit the spare room.  Didn't think I'd get far, if I was already surprised I was starting.  Dig in as you can, I suggested to myself, if cautiously.  I am in seriously bad shape.  Mortal caution is well advized.  Taking it slow, easy, I started in.  After a shorter time than I would have believed I have most of it, and the big closet, mostly ready.  A few items under the bed and about, to fit a box shortly to be rousted from the collection, then the carpet will receive a sprinkling of diatomacious earth and baking soda to be vacuumed tomorrow.  Then I will move back to the bathroom.  I am ahead in there over my last start.  If I keep this pace, that room might be full finished yet today.  I may also add a second worm farm yet today, as well as minor work in the kitchen... the stove and counters maybe?  Might be wishful thinking, if that is the plan until it happens or doesn't.  Later.

In spite of... possiblities.

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Oh, I know.  I have doubts, concerns.  And yet I... at face value... which does take faith... of which I have little for men, a bit more for some men including a good neighbor and Vox (even Jesus can't be held in account for misguided, corrupted, or even spoiler followers).  I, especially in the pangs of poor health multiplied with terrible rest, can cast about a bit.

The thing is, Vox is setting up a video information and discussion platform.  I have said, and do believe he is a source for needed thunder.  Men do need to wake, he can help.  Calling them pussies doesn't seem to help.  So much for my method.  I have watched him take swarms of nerdy, metrosexual ass clowns, moderates, and even darker types and guide them to better places in the manhood, logical, and Christian ways.  I'll vouchsafe this.

Like, agree, always?  Christ doesn't always get that, less all other men.  Yet, within that caveat, and beyond what he is doing for other men, his cultural war front... something he was reluctant to engage as recorded in one of his books, SJW's Always Lie, is something which is having a profound effect on that war.  It isn't based only upon logic, but also history, other forms of reason, and simple (and not so) reality.

The thing is, he is opening a video center, as mentioned.  I wish him great fortune and wish to spread the word while offering my endorsement... for what that might be worth.  Here is a link to the official announcement.  Did I mention he is a rather underrated author of entertainment prose as well?  Anywhile, there you go.

Here is a link to the official announcement.  I... haven't found how to do links well on ps4.  As is, this all had to be manually copied, then laborously clicked in.  I may have to check and edit to get it to even work... so be patient if your first clicks are ftf's.
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Ha!  Sank the battleship on one go with one shot.  Bitches!

Sleep, for what It was worth.

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I'll avoid complaining excessively.  Stating that rest was not obtained in sleep.  Not full deep rest.  I am grateful that I did sleep, and wake.  I have had far worse.

The toilet became clogged yesterday.  My mind was not in a good situation for problem solving.  Note to self and others... with a clogged toilet, turn off the tank fill valve, then tinker.  It takes a messy long task (IF there is a slow drain)down to about a thirty second nothing of a job.  *shakes head*  Just was not well awake and could not force the issue.  Still got it in time.  Rare with this toilet, once a year or so.

I have been trying to drink less.  Good and bad coming from it.  Not sure drouhgting is sustainable.

Hoping to do more work today.  If I can wake!  Later.

Can't sleep enough.

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It is more a failure to find or create a rested state.  When an attempt to sleep enough is made that ends in failure.  I simply can't sleep long enough or in tight enough cycles to make a dent.  Actually it ends being worse.  While pulling, mostly, standard duty is between dry and brutal, when I can, it is far better than the options.  At least, so far, it hasn't been making me too grumpy.

I did a few things today and yesterday.  Mostly starting or catching afew minor things up.  I can't keep at it.  I tire so very quickly, as when the body figures out winter has returned.  Going to crash again shortly.  Hoping to be ready to push a bit harder tomorrow.  Later or good night.

I thought they got this machine as well.

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I woke, started my routines, including beginning the long boot cycle for this system.  I guess filling the ad queu is vital.  As I go about other things, I pause to turn the television on, letting THAT boot, later choosing my id.  Then, finally, if it all worked, and when I have finished with first things morning active dailies, I can sit and begin my e-dailies.

Not so this morning.  Blank black screen.  The machine was on, obviously running, but without visuals... exactly what happened with my computer.  I thought either Vox is using his crew do rid certain people, or has lost control?  Both?  Or maybe not.  I don't think he is at all who he presents, if he generally admits that.  Does even he know his salt, or is he lost in possiblities?  Not exactly active accusations... thoughts, concerns.

After some tinkering, a lot actually, it fired up.  Running it too long?  Are attempts being made to shut me down, by whom or what?  Is video streaming to much for this device?  I do know I need a better solution soon... or to just walk away.  That won't get me off any lists.  They never forget, even to desecration after life.

Back, for now.  Later.

A shift to the right.

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To the good, of course, for those of you with any familiarity with the books of wisdom, newer and older and of course biblical.  For those who choose not to know, continue in your blithely blissful heathen ignorance.  It suits some, many, perhaps most.  At least look at some of the 'pretty' ancient stained glass windows or epic murals, those were made to give the dull, unwashed, and ignorant from any cause a chance too.  Scroll up, as a fact. You... never even noticed before ?  How blissful your world must be.

Oh, I mean I think health might be improving.  I showered and all, then went shopping.  Cat needs, food, a few extras.  I don't fear running out of food.  So far water has always been on tap.  What does frighten is..? running out of toilet paper.  Have you ever wondered what you would use if  production stops.  Leaves?  Do you live in even a small town?  Just how long before such became illegal on pain of immediate death or even a village became denuded of plants?

When I returned, I could only find three rolls.  Being so sick I couldn't get out!  I really worried.  Being a man, however, even as luxuriously as I use the stuff, and three full rolls is a lot of paper.  I was sort of used to being at my mother's.  I swear women must not only use it as per normal, but also eat it and bath with it.  Perhaps, like cats they also paw it to shreds as play and/or a passive-aggressive swipe at the man?  Anyway...  I did find a 3x8 of super extra big rolls.  While that eased my mind, truth be told I Iike to have two of those.  Two full could be close to a year supply, for a man.  Less and much less for a women.  They are natural heavy users.  If they find a cache they zing up consumption.  It's how they do, an aspect of them.  Sometimes cured by putting them in charge of finances... if... that bears it's own tallies.  Innit.  *grins*

(whispered from a small distance)  He's de debil.  -  No, but the "debil" is in the details, some of which is quite familiar.  Plus...  *grins*  never le mind.

Anyway, I'll see about trash and other small work starts.  It's Sunday, I am still in the weakening grip of something, and tired, so I won't attempt to bulldoze big tasks... just... start a few things, prepare for a few others, and bring a few things back up to where they were.  Oh I bought a few new brooms.  I am going to see if there is a good way to clean and maintain brooms while I am at things, soon.  Not that expensive but why be wasteful if too, who wants to use a filthy broom?  Later.

Persistent.

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Some say that about me, usually in a dark way as in weed.  I write about the fever.  It is mild asthey go.  A few degrees of elevation only. Being that I run cold, literally, it might not register.  I know it, feel it... exactly behind the skin and bones of my face.  A week now?  Or longer.  I've hacked a few times as well.  No other symptoms, save possibly exhaustion.

One more bill to pay, then finances need to be figured and sorted.  Work as I may, too.  All with caution.  Do not wish to exacerbate this mostly sleeping monster.

There is something else I mean to do for my mother.  Can't until next month, but that works.  Then back to birthday, Christmas, and random occasional or need.  She has mostly learned how to live on air.  Well, and she makes herself useful.  That... never hurts.  People can love you all you or they want, but most won't, many can't, split out even a nickel unless not doing so would cost even more.  Fair, not?  Reality, cope.  She is and has been useful well and long enough to have serious resources, which she very rarely, and not without great cause, employs.  Better to gift her from time to time or deep in debt to her one remains.  Some can live with and like that. I can't.

Later.

Fried?

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Yeah.  A bummer thing.  I don't think it was overworking, the heat, or even standard health issues.  If correct, it is the illness my uncle had.  I do wonder about... bad medicine.  Anyway, I thought I had gotten over it.  Not so.  I guess I'll need to take it easy, tend myself a bit better, and just try to find or wait for healing.  I'll keep at it, more slowly.

My mother did find habanera, and is making salsa already!  My cousins were there.  She is who they have left, especially at this moment.  All good, especially the eldest... who had started going his way, alone.  His father dying may have opened something for the good.  Yeah, I am getting it too.  Anyway, one of them teased that they would eat all the salsa.  I goofed for a bit, then hit on check and mate.  None of them can even handle her hotter jalapeno salsa.  Little dogs can't eat the big dog food!  Ha!

I did find the number and bump the bug spraying.  Now to get the cave sorted out.  As well, I need to figure out medicine, pay a major bill, and learn of my finances sum total.  Well, and a few other big problems to sort or solve.  Including a new machine, computer.  Just not sure a tablet would do.  Later.

He has died.

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With how things have been I don't know when, exactly.  It was during the day, and not really foreseen.  He seemed to be doing well.  He sent another of my uncles to do a few errands.  When that uncle returned, he found his brother dead.  My mother suggested, from his expression, that he didn't suffer... maybe he dozed and never woke.  I am grateful to have had this last visit.

I didn't mention this, but I am pretty sure he wasn't seeing me as I generally appear.  He has known me all my life, but...  Something in his eyes, the way he looked at me.  I've seen that expression before, in the elderly, the dying, sometimes children.  I've not asked or been told what that is.  Usually it seems pleasant, or at least not unexpected.  Beyond that I don't know.

During my scheduling experiment, I failed disastrously.  I am now just between sleep and waking, but in the most horrible of ways.  Brutal.  I'll get back to it when I can.  Later or good night.

New schedule.

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Sleep happened.  When it became too hot to work or even think, before I zombified into that deadzone, I crashed.  Sleep was good.  Am in the waking stage.  In another hour a shower shave and general start.

Back to the spare bedroom.  I did much but there was so much to do!  No plans, other than the bigger final goal, not overheating or overworking, eating, and keeping up on the usuals such as cat care... including attention.  But, yeah, the sleep trick worked, at least this time.  I am guessing when I burn out no trick will work save restorative rest over time.

A better interface is being researched, for easier better blogging.  Until then this is as good as it gets.

Later.

No way in hell!

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Every step in every direction is a compound problem, not even including how to incrementally shift items through intermediate places toward a final point if just for this objective.  Don't get me wrong, it is doable, perhaps even by me, only not in a week.  I will keep at it but I am rescheduling.

I have been at it off and on most of the day.  It is about time to nap, hopefully, then hit it later when the world and myself have cooled a bit.  I am doing decent work at a decent pace, there is simply far more to do than I could see, vastly more.  One day, task, item at a time.  Including naps.

Oh,  recycling was taken.  Later than  usual, double return duty.  Trash was still there when I checked.  If so, that bin can be brought back.  Trying to keep up while catching up.  Later.

Almost.

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A slightly different tack might make it happen.  I was able to sleep earlier, but not by enough to really matter.  So thought went into how to... work with things as they are.  Naps.  For which a frigid bedroom is required, that is simply how I was constructed.  As mentioned, if a walk-in deep-freeze were available or affordable to create and run?  Yeah, it would be my bedroom.  Seriously.  At least in winter, with no vent in there, it is as simple as opening the windows.

It is not winter, so cranking the ac will have to do.  The plan is to hit it as hard and long as possible, then stop cool a bit then crash as needed, cycling those as possible.  While the full task seems impossible, that doesn't mean I am surrendering.  Geronimo?  As always.

There are other tricks and methods being explored.  I may lose,  but it wouldn't be from a lack of effort.

Today?  The spare bedroom, half of the living room, finishing the bathroom, and doing light follow-up in the computer/front room.  Gotta happen.  Later.

I am thinking not.

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The heat is back at full velocity.  It's wrecking me.  Things are getting done, just nowhere near well or fast enough.  I'll give it until Wednesday, I just don't believe so.  The dishes, bathroom floor and sink, laundry if it needs finished, and a few other tasks are done.  The heat is really killing it for a large push though.  I might try to sleep through the heat, if I can't always sort that out as I would prefer.

The trash and recycling haven't been taken.  Is it a holiday?  Other neighbors had theirs out before me.  Maybe habit... or need.  I'll leave it another day, then call if it remains.

A bit of gaming as the ac works the bedroom, then I'll give sleep a chance.  Later or good night.

A new sensation.

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No, nothing funny in any form of that term.  Overwhelmed?  I think that would be it.

I couldn't do as much, or more what  I had hoped last night.  Other things were in the way.  I did get the bathroom sink, floor swept, toilet cleaned, and redid the dishes... which I set to a final fresh soak this morning.  Dishes were in the way, laundry had been forgotten and it was critical to finish those, and then, being Sunday, trash and recycling had to be wrangled.  I only ended up doing recycling last night, right to the curb.  I hoped I could do trash in time this morning... check.  More of it than  I had supposed.

The bed is *cough* made.  Shut it, mother.  I am presentable(tm), ditto mom.  Breakfast, eggs and chops, was enjoyed.  Dishes were reset.  Trash fully collected and out.  After this and a break and resetting laundry drying or a fluff, laundry, a shower and shave, mopping the bathroom, then another break then into the spare bedroom.  A little attention will go to the room  I hit yesterday and the kitchen.

Damn straight.  Even mostly dead, given a reason and back almost to my feet there is a chance I can still do a bit.  I can't go in lightly and have a chance.  Wish me luck, help, or bes get out of the way.  Later.