Amazon is on fire.

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As well, UPS and other delivery services.  Between lack of local availability, hostile possibly ill crowds, and the ease of door delivery, Amazon, Walmart, and other online retailers are the way to go.  I already had my tp order in, I keep... plenty in stock.  A woman would burn through my stock in months, I feel sorry for married men, especially with daughters, in this area.  I actually think women use it regularly, eat another third, then sacrifice another third to some unknown to men god of pericare.

I am ordering a few extras this month.  Recently decided to order food, packs of tuna, chicken, and such... single serving, easy to take some, or share out, shelf stable.  I am, mostly, staying one step ahead of the "buy it all" crowd.  I get it just before prices go skyhigh then the products just become unavailable.  I have some stuff, but a bit more is good.

The real problem is shipping.  They can't or won't tell me when items will be arriving.  That was a real concern with the toilet paper.  Sitting on the porch any length of time could see it disappear, irreplaceably.  Actually same with everything else I am ordering.  The next day, much of it is offline or costing more per item than I bought in 24 packs.  So, I check midmorning and midafternoon, plus at bedtime if I remember.

I will give some out, if asked.  Of anything I have, if I have extra.  Preferably in trade.  If they have extra meat, or cans of vegies.  Actually there is a small family I need to check on.  They have been good to me and are good for America.  A family, these days, is precious.  I already checked on two other families.  Hmm... actually, there are two families I will check on.  None have needed, yet.  There is always hope.  It's a duty.

Later.

Very rough.

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Managing.  Keeping on meds, mostly.  Trying to keep fed, hydrated.  Aspirin when the pain gets to be too much.  Duck, cats, and myself.  It's... working.

Both of the ladies are laying.  Not both, every day.  One is daily, the other, which had stopped laying, is back to two for three or four days, if temperature seems to play more of a part.  I'm glad to see it, as much for her as for me.  Probably more eggs than I need, but... it's all good.

I dreamed that I started working on the house.  Sorting, boxing things to stay and go.  And, so, that is my goal.  A timer set, a few hours in one or maybe two areas.  Sifting, boxing, tossing.  As soon as I get half of it gone through, I will order in a dumpster.  Hopefully a month and two loads?  Some of it is old furniture and bedding, so... it isn't quite what it seems.  And boxes will be packed light for easy carry.

I need to eat and wake first.  I've been up a while, but it's been a tough morning to get started.  Oh, tried a new flavor of toothpaste.  Fennel... black liquorice.  It was either going to be super or gross.  I'm telling you, it is fantastic.  More, it pairs with the mouth wash exceptionally well!  All non-fluoride.  I have started flossing, but just at bedtime.  I wanted to be stocked up before I restarted that.

I see president Trump is beginning to take wuhan seriously.  No complaints, on one side.  He, as most, are used to plowing through.  He didn't become a billionaire, then spend decades preparing to run for then become the president by being a sissy.  Absolutely fair.  But... this isn't a sissy thing.

I wish they had shut things down a month, even two months ago.  I still don't think it would have stopped the spread, but it might have slowed it.  Too open of borders, land, air, and sea.  Too many bigwigs who do as they damn well please... has Hanks returned?  But slowing the spread... unless reinfection is real, prevalent, statistically significant... as well... if the previously ill become carriers.  Do you have any idea what those last two concepts mean?

Anyway.  I realize, especially with the absolute wall of lies out of China, our bought bureaucracy, and our Judas big biz, plus their influence, Trump didn't have recourse... until it was far too late.  Now to close schools and businesses until real understanding is available.

Will this hurt the economy?  It was, has been for years, a zombie economy.  Empty cities around the world, empires of skyscrapers, parking lots of unsold cars, and more... just to keep people employed while burying printed debt acting as money.  Perhaps this will... sort some of that out.  It is a warning, or an opportunity.  Maybe bits of each.  Your response will define which.

Hmm?  Oh... I... ought to see if I can wake, then do... something... things.

Odd, medicine.

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Two days back on it and the pain is back, plus extra temporary suffering as my body adjusts to the breaks and full back being applied to an out-of-control all forward engine.  I was going to hit... something... eventually.  Medicine is a brick wall.  A thinner one than a heart attack or stroke is all.

I actually have hurt, I just didn't feel it.  I finally burned.  The pan was only 350°.  I am not sure if I am failing, if it was because the handle was a massive piece, or chrome instead of cast.  It took the skin, about the size and shape of a quarter, off.  But... it didn't hurt much.  Nothing else seemed to hurt either.  I suspect everything hurt, but I couldn't feel it.

Medicine allows me to more directly feel pain.  Even so, the burn is minor compared to my innards and else.  Now that medicine has allowed pain to again be sensed.  As well, I can more easily remain celibate off medicine.  Not even close to perfectly, especially when the dreams flood in.  But on medicine my will collapses, especially initially.  Dreams, daydreams, visions, scents, ghost sensations... medicine floods my perceptions with... memories?... of her... many women.  I have sipped deeply from that garden.

As well, 74° to 76° couldn't always keep me warm.  Now, 70° is cooking me.  Too hot!  And with a muscle shirt, not even a t-shirt.  Odd how that works.  I ought to see if my reactions are normal.  Then again, I just started over 32 mg of stuff most people, even close to my size, max at 6 mg.  Some take as little as 2 to 3 mg's.  So... I may be a tadge unique.  I would like to understand the mechanics though.  Later.

She runs.

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Battery reconditioning did it's job.  The reason I thought there might be more wrong is it wouldn't shift.  I wanted to put it in neutral, so as to push it a bit in order to get the trash barrel out easier.  It wouldn't shift.  Might have been frozen?  All I know is, with the battery charged all else works.  Got the trash out, barrel back in, while out checking things.  I think someone, Boss, left a light on.  *sigh*

Heart medicine seems to be helping blood sugar.  Enough that I will have to be careful.  What had been lowering it a hundred dropped it 215 points, to 84.  A fatted tea brought it up to 124.  Slippery damned slope, some days.  It's why I check more often when anything changes and I am out of it.  Which... is usually.

Daydreaming about a major snowstorm.  Yet feeling like it is summer again already.

Wouch.

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I started medicine again yesterday.  I thought it had jus been a few days off.  I had been able to hear my heart through my chest, and feel the dry pound as if a sledgehammer striking iron on an anvil.  The medicine stopped both of those phenomena nearly instantly.

Do you have floaters in your eyes?  Mine became as visible electric currents.  My eyes dilated to were even in my shadowy cave, on a cloudy day, I could barely keep my eyes open.  Blinded by even shadow.  And green about the gills, as if blood sugar had collapsed.  I checked that, not the case.

A bit much, but I survived so will continue.  As well, try to stay up on insulin.  I missed last night, as meds destroyed me.  A shower this morning.  Trash out.  Tried to start the Xterra, but the battery is down.  I set up the charger, will see if that works, if it is all. Something seems really wrong though.  Sabotaged?  New battery.

Overheating, bodily.  Have been for a week.  Upstairs is only dropping to 61°.  Outdoors is in the high 20's to 40's.  But it seems so much warmer, inside and out.  I keep dreaming we are going to get a severe snow.  So far just rain?  The weather is... odd.  I would guess, with China down for the covid19, natural patterns are trying to reassert themselves.  And no amount of tinkering will put that jack back in the box.  I like Trump, but he is absolutely on the wrong side of this, even if it ends up mild.  A simple 40% rate of infection with a humble 6% kill rate is over seven million dead.  Close the borders, quarantine... many.  Quit with your Democrat blase notions.

Don't believe me?  Look at everything from stocks to toilet paper...  quickly trading places of value... perhaps use.  Toss in oil and trade, public venues... the people have voted.  Don't... screw with the herd.  Right or wrong, don't be in it's way.  And don't make it look like you endanger us.  Friendly advice.  Truly.  Oh, and do ensure t.p. stocks and limited access to that.  Your wife is lovely, but telling her to ration t.p.?  Doh.  I can, dimmly, imagine her rages.  Does the WH still have a dog house?  Or wherever you are living?  Don't long dog houses by shorting t.p.

A bon mot?

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Requested.

Proffered.

I don't believe the hour is now.  But that could change.  It would need to become much more lethal, quickly.  Well, and a thousand other things, plus peace and... more.  Assuming the numbers we are being given are accurate.  Somehow, even in the States, I think they are dumping bodies and chasing down people with lethal precise accuracy.  Will never know the real numbers or truth.

Or?

Such a mess.

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I've been back trying insulin for a while.  Readings are a bit high, wrong foods.  Can't concentrate.  I have, again, fallen off heart medicine.  The medicine dispensers, without clear panels, don't work.  I simply lose track.  I need to see.  I will be ordering more clear ones today.  I do my best.  My best just isn't always good enough.

I have been playing a game.  In it there are daily activities.  There is no punishment for missing a day.  It's just that advancement slows to a crawl.  I have been playing for a month and an half.  The learning curve is steep.  I have a main character leveled enough to technically play any content.  But it doesn't work without top gear, specific skills, and a practiced, memorized, skills and weapon ability rotation.  I haven't even figured out where to begin finding gear, or in places I can survive.

I do the dailies.  But not on a regular schedule.  I really can't keep a schedule.  As a fact, the harder I try, the worse it gets.  I almost lost a few days... or did... trying to put too much in a few times, and then trying to stick to more exact times.  Easing up on the throttle, sleeping when the body demands it, and naps, have... helped.  It is something.  Not a life, not a job or education, but... something.

I'll get going again.  Ask other players.  Check a few sites.  Trash out today, a shower, and some cleaning?  I can hope.

It wasn't a dream.

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As I woke this morning, I remained there a while longer.  Usually, when I wake, I pop out of bed as quickly as mechanically possible.  That can vary, not by much but it feels like a large difference.  Some rare days I have to decide if it is time, if I can.  Today it took five minutes to decide, mostly eyes closed.  As the decision was made, I opened my eyes, in the dark, to facilitate readiness.

As I rested there, eyes open, I noticed something coalescing in the dark.  Sam!  Odd how she moved. As dark as it was... I do have exceptional eyes, for some things.  But... no.  Right as I was reaching out to pet her, I realized something.  The door was shut.  She couldn't be up here.  It wasn't her.

Such dark coincidences.

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Sleeping way too much.  Little choice.

Dreaming.  This time very simple... dreams?

She was massaging my shoulder.  As she did when she wanted to wake me in a pleasant mood.  I'm easy, if you work with me.  Each time, I did actually wake.  Promptly obtaining a bloody nose.  Twice.  I was about to be happy to see her.  I found myself, alone, in the dark, with a bloody nose.

The scent of... a stranger?

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The, uhrm, intent? theme?  The design was clear. clean.

She has been whispering in my ears for days.  I called those echos.

It can't be you!

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My Jesus wouldn't call on you!  Confused, sinful, even an abomination!

Wha?

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Shouted whispers.  Confused.  Confounded.  Too much, too loud.

A visitor of the mind.

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He was a dream.  Or so he presented.  I... watched, discerned.  After some time I realized he was not us or of us.  Powerful, in his skills, this one.  Unlike most of his kind, he not only mind walks and cloaks his presence consciously, he chooses his targets.  I... am sure he has dream raped women, accessed data, gotten material advantage, through his... talents.  Difficult not to abuse such power.  And terribly few those who can see him, know.  I am terribly rare.

He wasn't here for... nefarious reasons.  He is travelling East.  He thought I thought he was a dream, mostly.  For the most part, I let him believe... as well as I was able, for as long as he would.  Questions.  He wants to survive, return.  Escape if need be.  He chose me for real, serious, reasons.  He... knows.  Knows too much, now.  But can't prove a damned thing, and further, knows too what I know about him.  Shhh.

I told him it is half who you are with in a survival escape mode.  Another half is knowing where to go and how to get there.  As well, it is a hundred percent luck.  He decryed that the total was more than a hundred percent!  He thought me toying with him.  He was about to go.  I settled him, got him to stay.

Struck a bone.

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Hmm?

I see you too.

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Putting bits, pieces, and parts together?  Is this what you sought?

Girls are such freaks.

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Still?

Happy Valentine's Day.

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Not... me to you or general.  It had to be her to me?  Directly, through intent and algos?

What a mess.

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It isn't the worst mess I have been in, by season or otherwise.  It is a tangle though.  Right as soon as I have it together it all falls apart, or bits do.  Medicine was on track.  Insulin and or food went wrong, if food seemed needful... psycho-physical recovery from the dive to and probably below 51 did a number on me.  I then dropped so fast, again, that it hurt.  So a last pasta dish.

Yesterday it started at three and a quarter, but was down to one and three quarters by days end.  Today it is two and a quarter starting out.  As funky as things work, I will be conservative with dosing.  Do not want to hit below a hundred, yet.  In a week, maybe.  Still, my blood sugar does whatever it wants, sometimes.  I wasn't dosing heavy when it dropped so steeply.  It just did a stupid slide.

Now, though, to get back to other meds.  I just got back on them then a few days on fell back off them.  Struggle?  Oh yea.  My will, and ways, are good.  Somewhere between those and mundane application, something breaks down.  I die little deaths, lose bits of... things.  But do my best.  Nothing new.  Actually doing far better.  Even in the falls I realize I have fallen.  It doesn't take months to even realize my... situation.  Further, I can function, lightly, in the fall, if need be.

So... Yes...  Better.  Not great, not to good health.  Just... better.

Beginnings.

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New ones.  Sometimes daily.  Sometimes every few months to years.  In different areas, though overlapping happens.  Another as the week ends and hopefully as the new week begins.  Medicine is helping... if I missed half of today.  It happens.  Food and insulin in, but the last round of pasta, carbs in general.  Now I go clean.

The tub, after this and that every day, finally cleared yesterday.  At the end of the day.  So I took a shower this morning.  I will take another tomorrow.  Wonderful!  Needed!  As well, I have started doing bits around the house.  It looks worse for it.  Darker, colder, worse, before it can get better.

Yeah.  Oh, and quite a few Valentine pleasantries recently.  Oh yea.  And a few swipes.  Having a vagina must be nuts!   Hrm, nutz anyway.  About bedtime.  The girls will be tripping over themselves to be in with me.  When clean, especially after a bit... it was far too cold for a sink bath lately... and they can't stay away.  I'll have to be careful... only two cats but they seem to be everywhere when I am sleeping.

I was so sure...

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I thought she was a... I thought she was trying to be cute.  Read as rude.  I don't play well with (other)? psychopaths.  Especially my kind.