There for a while...

.

.

Traffic out there had died down, a lot.  When it was staying from zero to negative 26 (the coldest I measured, possibly not the coldest it got), traffic nearly came to a stop.  It has picked back up.  Almost back to spring and summer usuals.  Then again, gas prices have come down, a bit.  Not fully, and prices still want to jump from time to time.  He'll run out of the national reserve eventually.  Idiot.

There is no way to keep prices down, when you are threatening the whole industry with government interventions, obstruction, and really a war on the industry.  They simply aren't going to invest in finding or obtaining oil if the government is going to block the sale or use of it.  It isn't in their financial interest, and that is just how it works.

But, for a while, they can play the game of lower prices even while the industry is backing away from finding, obtaining, and utilizing oil leases.  And, our once allies, change sides.  Why would OPEC be on the US's side, when the US is at war with oil?  This... doesn't take genius level understanding.  Europe too.  Going to lose that fight.  A military can't run on renewables.  Nukes aren't quickly or easily available.  We will probably end up in coal, and rebuilding the oil pipelines which were canceled.  But... all behind the eightball, while Russia, China, Iran, and India move on with reality and life.  Can't help stupid.  Or, worse, evil stupid.  They might not be good, but they aren't wanting to destroy their people... or as much as the West seems to be doing.

The burger was good, so was fried.  I made food, but just wasn't all that hungry.  I did eat some.  Might have more.  But... not all that hungry, for as hungry as my eyes seem to be.  But, yes, actually... a bit more would be good.

Game is going okay.  I've learned a few tricks.  Though each game is very different.  Almost have the trophies.  There are, I think, four sets of trophies.  I have one done, and the others in the eighty to ninety percentiles, or better.  It looks like I will have to go back, restart.  But on lower settings, thankfully.  But that was almost required.  Some toons can't do some things.  Adepts shouldn't mess with hand-to-hand combat.  And, soldiers can't really cast certain skills, at all.  Limits, built in.

Yes.  Another small meal.  Then putting the burger up.  Oh, and kefir was ready.  I have three half gallons nearly full.  Took my first portion of the new stuff tonight.  To be honest?  I'm not sure there is much difference.  Paranoid, perhaps.  But... I didn't like what I was sensing, so redid it.  It is how I do, if I don't trust what is happening.

Oh, and I really need a shower.  Yes I do.  Later, or goodnight.

Smooth.

.

.

Whatever else may be wrong, tonight is... alright.  The heart is good.  The body is mostly at ease.  Few aches and pains.  Not even all that hungry, if I would like to eat something before too long.  Hopefully the burger is still edible.  I'll have to check it shortly, fry it if so.  I do have some burger fried and stored, which I will probably use in either case.

If the uncooked burger isn't good, I'll pull some out, and some other meats.  A roast?  Yes, and maybe some chicken.  Food has been... pretty good lately.  Meats from the store have been sufficient, fresh, good, even really tasty.  I'm telling you, unlike some?  I can't take bad meat and make it taste good.  I refuse to eat it.  Often, I have tossed it before it was even done.

I may live like a pig, given little choice.  But I won't eat like one.

Dreams, lots of them lately.  I forget them before I even wake, lately.  It's winter.  That's how it works, sometimes.  Same with deep summer.

Even so, as I have mentioned, I am keeping a day and night cycle, if a few hours off, one way or the other.  It is mostly good.  And I am keeping water out of the body, lately, and swelling down in the broken foot.  It is nearly normalized, but... just not quite.  Still, that was a... solid healing process.  Even if it isn't done, it is fast, compared to some.  Probably better without babying it.  Though, the break may have been... a good one to self heal.  Some breaks... would have been tougher to heal, even for me.

Doing well into the third game of the trilogy.  Oh, I have heard there is a fourth game, but it is even worse than these games, as for propaganda purposes.  Totally pro-multiculturalism.  And, usually, in the worst of ways.  Just... understand that.  I am merely playing it, at this point, to finish up "old business".  It's not a particularly good game.  The difficulty is mostly to enhance the propaganda.  It's... easy, for some of us, to see.  Plus, it was free, I see the poison and thus avoid it, and it is eating time so that I don't sleep.  A good thing?  Better to be awake, even if totally distracted, absorbed, than to sleep for weeks or months.

Well... on to... the rest of the day.  Hopefully a few more dishes, a load of laundry, a shower, some food, more gaming?  Oh, I had to toss the first batch of sprouts.  They weren't.  This next batch, from a newer purchase of seeds, is doing swimmingly.  So, a few days in, I am starting a second batch.  I may need to order more seeds.  I DO need to order more seeds.  Ah, and if I hadn't mentioned, I now have two nearly fully half gallon jars of "resting" kefir, plus the two fermenting jars.  And, perhaps tomorrow or Saturday, I should have a third half gallon jar full, and a third fermenting jar.  I am excited.  

Yes, doing things, making things, eating better, more wisely... on several different fronts.  Life is improving.  Difficult as it has been, and remains to a small degree, I am living well within my little husk of a shell of a diminution of a life.  Like a frog, sleeping in frozen mud, until spring.  Ha.  Or even a bear, mostly dreaming the winter away.  My dreams are merely more electronic than neural.  Good morning, day, night, what... ever.

Still very rough.

.

.

I have gotten a lot of fluid out.  Still working on getting a bit more out, and then keeping it out.  It's a bit of a trick, but... yeah.

If you have ever, or even recently, run yourself out of breath?  Worked, or exercised, until you had to take a break.  Perhaps even overdid it, until you had to stop what you were doing, and go sit, perhaps nap.  Your breath is shallow, something is wrong with how hard you worked.  A minor fog sets in, on the mind.  Your body hurts, sometimes becomes cold.

That... has been how my world has been for the last week or so.  Having a very difficult time just being awake.  Though, strangely, unable to sleep as well as I would like, either.  For good or ill, I am sort of stuck on a day/night cycle.  Not exact, as I am waking at about 16:00.  I have lost daylight, through sleeping longer... I think.  Even so, it's still more like a 24 hour cycle, if perhaps more like a 24 or 28 hour program, so within the 24 hour day, I lose time here and there.  Depending on the day.  Can lose four hours one day, make it up for a few days, lose two hours another day, keep it even for a while.  Like a boxer after a both physically and combatively taxing match.  Win lose or draw, potentially minus a ko or even tko, tired and a bit out of focus.

Why?  Can't be sure.  Then again, it is deep winter, even now.  The temp was 14 out there.  I am still fighting fluid buildup.  And I am not sure I ever quite made up for being out so often that one week, in deep winter.

I am still doing small things.  Small batches of dishes, a bit of cooking, making sauces and dressings, taking care of Sassy, and other such.  Little things, but they add up.  Well, and playing a difficult game.  That taxes me more than I would have thought.

On the good side, my heart is not hurting lately.  Getting the water out did more to help than anything, if I had to guess.  Something was terribly wrong.  I was beginning to wonder.  Not much I could do about it.  Other than what I did.  If, to be honest, I didn't think reducing fluid buildup was going to help that.  I was wondering if I was just too old to be gaming at that difficulty.  Perhaps reducing the one allowed for the other.  Who knows.

A salad, I think.  Then I'll see what to cook later.  A few dishes, then a shower, it is hoped.  And some gaming.  Good afternoon, day, and later.

Supper and a bit.

.

.

Brats, with sauerkraut.  It wasn't spectacular.  The brats were of the more plain variety.  Not a bad thing, just a side note.  Sometimes plain is better.  Tonight?  It did what I needed it to do.  Sauerkraut was simple, not the fermented sort.  But, it too did what was needed.

Kefir was reset.  And, yes, I think tomorrow or the day after, I should be able to split out enough of the grains for a third fermenting quart.  I am up to right around half a gallon of the stuff.  One or two more resets, and I should have nearly a gallon.  After the next reset, I'll start drinking a quart a day.  When I get to three half gallon jars, I'll be able to consume at will, again.  That stuff definitely helps with bm's.  I am slightly missing it.

Eating more of a meat diet, and going to it more quickly than I probably should, means bm's are a bit difficult.  There are good aspects.  I go after almost every meal, and pretty much every morning.  I'm not even drinking coffee or tea regularly, so it is just... a good system, with the right foods.

You can, by those, tell if you are eating correctly.  I am close.  If, too, changing foods recently... to mostly meat... and having trouble with fluid buildup, and working to get rid of that, together, cause some slight problems.  It's working out and will be in better shape shortly.

I have completed the second of third game, of the series of console games I am playing.  And on the most difficult level.  One more game to go.  Though, I would like to finish the trophy list.  I have a few more to go, but am nearly finished with those as well.  I will probably go to whichever game requires it, and play it on an easier mode to get those.

When these games first came out, I couldn't finish, at least on the harder difficulty, either of the first games.  The game would hang, stored games would disappear, or become corrupted.  Huge problems.  I never played the third game because of it.  They came out with a set, of all of them.  I got it free, through a program I am in with my console.  It looks like no one was willing to buy it after having had such problems with getting through the game.  I doubt if I was the only one who faced a game so buggy, and difficulty, that between them many of us never would pay for that again.

Still, it's getting done.  Fifteen years later, or some such.  But, done is done.  I have completed the third game, but on an easier setting.  Not sure it will be completed, on the harder setting.  But, two out of two, from before.  Worth a shot.

I may try to fry more burger tonight.  Take a shower too?  Pretty zapped.  I will be starting the last game, as well, in a bit.  When I need a break, I'll start on something else.  Then go on to bed, or... something else.  Who knows.  Later, or goodnight.

A good sleep.

.

.

Not sure when it was that I went to bed.  It was still dark, I think.  I woke at 15:30, after trying to wake from noon on?  Maybe.  Something like that.  Sassy came up to pester me several times.  Which is fine.  Crawled in with me a few times.  Fed first thing.

It is very bright out there.  I am surprised that didn't wake me earlier.  Must have needed the sleep.  

I have been working on getting rid of fluid in my body.  Between waterpills, compression socks, and going right when I notice the need, I have wrung a lot of fluid out.,. up to a liter at a time.  Possibly more a few times.  But, my feet were both remaining swollen.

I sort of left those for last, on purpose.  When there is fluid in the way, the rest of the way up, draining the feet takes longer.  And doesn't stay drained as well.  Anyway, last night, I wrapped the feet.  This morning they look normal, if I dropped three liters last night.  So, yes.

Now, to keep up on the fluid draining, the last of it, until it is well cleared.  Then managing intake.  Part of the extra intake was a burst of carb eating.  Yea, that raises blood sugar, which then increases thirst.  Happens, often, at the first of the month.  Working on getting that not to happen.

Storing better foods, and having enough for several months on hand, will help.  Mostly meats.  Two packs a week, maybe three.  Beef crumble ready to go, a roast or several cuts of meat cooked at the first of the week.  I need to boil some eggs, and have a dozen of those for a week or two period.  And, yes, lettuce, or salad really.  Found premade, in-store, salad, and bought it.  Price is going way up, but... it stores better, and I don't end up throwing out unprocessed romaine or iceberg heads.  Just the way of it.

Oh, someone reminded me of mascarpone, or a form of cream cheese.  I won't make that really soon, but soon enough.  I'd like to make a keto cheese cake.  Imagine making that with homemade mascarpone?  Look, I can't afford a fancy restaurant.  Or even as much raw cream as I'd like.  But I can, sometimes, make little nice dishes, at a much smaller cost, and knowing what is in it and that it is good for me.

Sure, I might eat too high of an intake of carbs, and the wrong carbs, occasionally.  But at least what else is in there is actual food.  And I am not paying for a cook, the overhead, the staff, on top of tips, and else, for food that is at best questionable.  I suppose, if I want food cooked, I'd have to find a wife.  Can't afford one of those, in America, either.  Bleh.  Besides, women don't cook these days.  Or well, often, many of them.  Cheeto's spam dinner?  No thank you.

The brats were made.  I think I still have a jar of sauerkraut.  Not the best of them, but I'll use it up.  I'd like to make my own sauerkraut, but there are limits on how much I can keep going.  But, might get there someday.  I'd rather try to find a local veggie market (not farmers, that... is for rich people).  But, there is, or was, a market for fresh local grown veggies which are for real people.  Grabbing four to six heads of cabbage there, and setting that up, might be the way to go.  It's how I would grow it.  I neither believe in, or trust, "organic".  Plus, I know that is a starvation farming method, which would end up killing a lot of people.  But, those people wouldn't necessarily (correctly) go down without a fight.

So, a few of the brats fried, and some sauerkraut... that... will be dinner, shortly.  Sounds good to me.

Bright out there.  Amazingly bright.  It is 18 F.  Not too off the 20 average of late.  Sort of surprised it has stayed... mostly winterish.  Then again, maybe I am just staying awake more this winter?  It's a good winter, for me.  Life is improving.  I think, perhaps, medicines helped.  But they also hurt, in the extremes of seasons.  Perhaps they have done as much good as they can?  Now it's just... a matter of living until I die?  Who knows.  If the Veterans Admin would allow us back in, without the mask, I'd probably go back on medicine.  Though I don't see that happening.  They wanted to kick as many of us out as they could, the sickest of us... those who can't use the mask.  And, they have.  Rome used to outright murder it's vets.  Didn't know that, did you.  I've sort of been looking for that.  Though, they can do it with "medicine" too.  I've seen many go down that way.

Later.

Days and nights are trading places.

.

.

Not much I can do about it, quite yet.  Between pushing last week, and the game beating me up... while glued to it... life is what it is.

I did do a few more dishes.  I got kefir reset, but this time started collecting the output, as it is from all raw milk at this point.  It looks like I began adding raw milk at just the right time, as the kefir grains have redoubled since yesterday, making up for the loss in half the then grains due to a spill.  In another day or two, I should have enough gains to start a third fermenting quart jar.  At which time I will refresh the jars currently in use for fresh... then wash those.

They say that kefir does well.  That it will last forever.  I'm not exactly sure what went wrong.  Did something get introduced, accidentally or through sabotage?  Was my method of separating... that is using a plastic mesh strainer, and wooden spoon, pressing the grains through harshly and quickly damage the kefir grains?  Or was it left on the counter just too long a few weeks ago, and it got so sour it started going... off?  I just don't know.  But I do know that kefir can go... off.  It wasn't toxic, or for me.  But I wouldn't have served it to a human.  Uhrm, you.

I have half, or a little less, of my first half gallon of the stuff.  I will wait until I have two full half gallons, then I'll begin having between a pint and quart a day.  While upgrading to three fermenting quarts at a time.  Eventually I will be back to one to two quarts a day.  Good stuff, if you can get used to some bite.

I'll fry burger and brats today.  I think I do have leftover burger, I'll perhaps make keto spaghetti, or go to the dark side and add beans and cheese, plus creme fraiche.  Probably the latter, to be honest.  I've been eating a lot of meat, and not sure my body is completely ready for that.  Add it over lettuce, and it should be... good enough.

Oh, and I remembered.  Couldn't be sure when Valentine's Day was.  I had been working on finding places to buy flowers, for my mom.  Get them sent.  If you try "national" services, they charge two hundred and more for a dozen roses, or near that.  But, if you can find local, you can halve that.  I can't afford hundreds.

Anyway, I ordered yesterday.  A dozen.  And, every few months, I'll send her something.  Oh, I'll let my brother know about this.  A little thing, to brighten her week.  Something physical.  It's as much as I can do, for now.  She was pleased.  Called when I was asleep.  I called back.  She's having a bit of a rough day.  Those get more difficult the older, iller, we get.  This I know.

It has been around 20 to 24 F out there for the last few days, pretty steady (from what I have seen).  It was... almost a light freezing mist, out there, with a bit of wind.  Strangely, it didn't feel nearly as cold as that might make it seem.  It was... fresh, nice.  Or... at least to me.

I have sure enjoyed messing with food this week.  And, finally, getting mayo made, and then on to ranch.  And with blue cheese dressing in my sights.  I didn't call the church again today, as I woke too late.  But, last night, between gaming, eating, dishes, and Sassy's needs, I did look for other churches which might work.  I have four, I think, which I may call in an attempt to find what I am seeking.  Might have to drive to SLC, but... so be it.  It's expensive, but if no one close is able, or willing, to help, I have to get this done.  THEN, I do begin doing regular, and perhaps learning to deal with foreign language speakers.  I'll... keep on it, as able.  I'll try to push days around before I have to, for a meeting.  Ugh.

The heart hurt.  Legs were getting thick.  Feet are swelling.  Some of it is from missing medicine.  Some of it is from the stress of the game.  Some of it is from changing my menu, probably a bit too quickly.  But, I... am trying to deal with it.  I found water pills, and took a handful last night.  Oddly, it only kicked out, say, four liters?  Well, overnight.  If that is four times, and more, what is becoming more normal.  Eight times, actually?  Yes.

The water retention isn't from drinking too much, or stress.  It is because I so exhausted myself that I wasn't getting up to go as often as I should/would in normal more rested times.  So, it... just... went to ground.  In my legs, feet, torso, and elsewhere.  A few more water pills today, if not so many.  Some painpills.  And trying to get up and go, when I feel the need... before it just goes to ground, wherever.

Butter.

.

.

Oh, storebought can be okay.  Well, not really.  I looked more closely at the ingredients on storebought butter.  I hadn't done that in a long while.  Either recipes have changed, or I wasn't as particular, knowledgeable, about food the last times I did that.

I was only able to find one brand of butter that didn't have... stuff in it.  From "natural flavors" to... really whack things.  My, to now, go to brands failed even more miserably.  And labeling?  They might as well quit labels.  You can't add sugar and have there be no carbs.  But, sugar in butter?  Yes, in some.

I'll keep at things.

.

.

I called the church, twice.  No answer.  I've left messages, have heard nothing back.  So I don't leave messages anymore.  I'll call until I catch someone.  That is how the world works often.

I did sample the dressing on a small bit of salad.  I... was happy.  The dressing wasn't even cold.  Very good.  I think I'll have a real salad, and some chicken.  The last of the leftovers.  I might even have a spot of dressing for with the chicken itself.

I then called my mother.  Just checking in.  She sounded tired, but good.  When you hit your 80's, it's your party.  Or, when you live near death, as I do.  Not... really a choice.  The body, at some point, does what it must.  We just abide in it, if not it itself?  Then again, I'm pretty tired myself.

Yes, a good day.  And I did some work last night.  Little things.  If I didn't get to bed when I had hoped.  If you can't do what you want, do something useful otherwise?  That's my goal.  I am hoping to finish a few more small dishpans, have some food, feed Sassy and tend her elsewise, perhaps do a load of laundry too.  Maybe.

I'll keep calling.  There are limits, on my side.  But I'll do what I can.  Time is ticking away.  I don't have much else to do, but to keep at it.  God knows, I... do what I can, when I can remember, and am able.  The rest... is sort of up to Him.

Supper!  Later.

I had forgotten something.

.

.

In the mayonnaise.  An acid, lemon juice, vinegar, something along those lines.  I knew that before beginning salting, so added some of that with the salt.  All I had, for sure, was red wine vinegar.  So I added that, and salt, stirred, and... just right.  Well, it is that gold/green look of real evo oil.  And it... tastes a bit strong.  But, I would rather that, or avocado oil, than lessor oils.  I don't always eat for flavor.  I do the best, within ability and allowances.

The vinegar and salt definitely improved the flavor.  Not that I hadn't added salt initially, but I went light.  Easy to add salt, impossible to remove it.  This mayo is about as perfect as could be made.  Plus, it has been inoculated with kefir.  We'll see if that allows it to last long.  Then, too, I would guess that means, after a bit of fermenting, even the dressings will last longer than typical?  Talk about a real gift which keeps on giving?  We'll... see.  Dressings, before, only lasted about a week, at most.

I'll be making ranch dressing this afternoon.  Two types.  One with sour cream (storebought) and one with creme fraiche (mostly homemade).  A pint per.  And, I will have some salad this evening, probably with the creme fraiche dressing this first time.  I may have a can of tuna around, to add to the salad.  Not sure I will, but maybe.

And, a call.  Haven't heard anything back from the church.  Might see about other churches as well.

Feeling slightly better?  Sleep is changing, cycling.  I can't do much about it.  But, I'll... keep at it.  Keeping at least a day and night, of as close to twenty four hour cycles, is as good as I can do.  A few hours of slippage is just going to happen, until I can cycle around to day and night again.  I seem to be able to hold that, for a longer time, these days.  But, any time I push capacity to function, I may well send the thing tumbling again.  Or, even cause me to have two to three sleep cycles per solar day cycle, or sleep days at a time.  Though, honestly, it's been a while since I have slept two to three days, or more, at a time.  Things, to a degree, have improved.  I think taking the medicine, and learning of the real cause of my illness... the heart... allowed me to... fix some things.  Not completely.  But, it's better.  And, probably, will stay better until I die.  Then, hopefully, it will get a lot better.

I wetted the first tray of sprouts.  They suggest a tray at a time, every other day.  I'm going every third day.  The sprouts are good on things raw, or in a mini mixed salad as a side, with a bit of vinegar, salt, and pepper.  I have heard they go well in soups and stews, as a finish.  I don't know, but hope to try that before long.  Even just to dress up a can of soup, as a proof of concept.

Today?  More dishes, the call(s), maybe one load of laundry, kefir reset later, a shower, and work on that small bathroom hall.  I can get a chair there, so I don't have to work as hard.  I can't work all that hard.

Sleeping so hard, that I sleep so deeply that I don't roll as I should.  That helps make me sore.  But, tensing in the game, too, makes it difficult.  That and having gotten out so often last week.  That absolutely pushed me to limits I haven't exceeded since fall.  But was in better shape, then, to tolerate.  Painpills, yes, I think so.  May offer an opportunity to push a bit more today.

Oh, feet and legs are doing very well.  Compression thigh-high socks are helping with circulation a great deal.  They DO hurt, at times, to wear.  But, my legs and feet are staying warm.  And, mostly, I am voiding fluid much more easily.  That and the pedicure really did the job.  As mentioned, they are sore from the socks, but... to have better circulation is worth a... reasonable price.

On to my day.  Later.

That was it!

.

.

Trying to use storebought eggs IS the problem.  These were fresh, from a homestead.  Non-soy feed, the works.  Plus, with all day being allowed to feed outdoors, and a really nice pasture.

I might see about other types of oil.  EVOO is a bit... stout.  In any case, I will use it for now.  I even inoculated it with kefir, as I turned the kefir over.  Spilled have the grains I had been working on growing, but... oh well.  There is always some issue or other.

I'll let it bloom overnight, maybe longer.  Add a bit more salt, I think.  But really, it came out perfectly.  Thick, rich, and tasty.  A bit more salt would be good.  The other spices and herbs did well though.  Just... a touch more salt.  I guess sometimes it will work.  Now to see if it lasts as I'd like.

I'll be using some of it for salad dressings this week.  Initially ranch, but if I can get out and back, to obtain blue cheese, I'll make some of that too.  Perhaps a pint of each, for now?  Maybe.  What is it, spices, herbs, mayo, cream, and sour cream or creme fraiche.  That last lasts a rather long time as well.  Since it is cultured.  I was a bit amazed.  Weeks, at least.  Now to see about mayonnaise.  I'm liking this game.  Goodnight.

Still awake.

.

.

The game drew me in.  And, beat me up for a while.  Oh, I did get through things, but slowly.  Then... I'd go on another mission.  Achy for it.  Painpills, tonight.

Good even as leftovers.

.

.

The chicken from last night was excellent, again.  Reheated in the oven.  The potato was given twenty minutes first, then the chicken went in for twenty minutes.  Worked out just right.  I had thought about cooking veggies as well, but just didn't have the energy.

Kefir was reset, using half raw, half storebought.  One more day of that and then I'll be using raw milk.  At that point I will begin storing the kefir produced.  Good thing, too.  I just ran out of the last of the kefir I had stored.  That doesn't mean I can consume kefir tomorrow.  I will want to begin storing it.  When I get to two half gallon jugs of the stuff, then I will begin eating it again.  Perhaps toward the middle or end of this week.  With only two jars, for fermenting, at the moment, it will take a while.  If, hopefully, by the end of the week, I will have enough extra kefir grains to start a third fermenting jar.

Not much else today.  I can barely stand.  Getting very tired.  And, rather early?  I'll game just a bit more, then feed Sassy... check her litter, change her water out, then go on to bed.  I can't hit dishes or laundry.  To tired.  Could barely stand the little needed to do supper.

I have kept thinking about making onion soup.  The problem is the time it takes to cook the onions!  Yes, you really have to be on top of that, or you'll end up wasting a lot.  So, yes, I keep looking at videos... sort of the way a dog watches a cat right outside it's reach on a chain.

Still a bit harsh.

.

.

Awake at around noon?  Something.  An half hour later, and I am just sort of beginning to escape sleep.  I've been up, sitting here, reading what some say about the world.  But the broader mind is just becoming aware.  All good.

Sleep was good, deep, restorative.  Different from sleep, more generally, lately.  I have been so exhausted that I didn't really sleep well, or deeply.  And my dreams were so very real.  Last night was good.

Still a bit rough.  But, maybe, I hit the worst of it the last two nights, and am headed toward improvement.  If last night was any indication.  I think it was.  It feels as if I was put in a bag, then beat like a piñata.  Swollen and sore pretty much everywhere... actually, more legs and arms, upper and lower.  Not... sure what caused it all.  All I know is it is rough, but finally getting better.

Monday?  No, Sunday?  Strange.  All good though.  Not sure how I missed a day.  Even so, it gives me a day to get trash and recycling out.  I'll also hit dishes, reset kefir if today with a mix of storebought and raw milk, already wetted the sprouts for the morning and will do that later, possibly shower, and maybe start a load of laundry?  Oh, and maybe reset the bed.  That... hasn't been done for two weeks.  I was totally wasted, and woke so sore and foggy it... just wasn't remembered.  Still, I've been doing that well, up to now.  I'll... get it today or tomorrow.

Best feed Sassy.  Been keeping up on her and her litter box, water, and giving her attention.  Trust me, that... is serious mojo goings on, for me, in the winter.  High winter and high summer are tricky for me.  My mind has limits, and body.  Same thing?  Almost, or... associated, usually.  I think it was 20, out there, the last time I looked.  Still cold.  Sometimes we get breaks from the freeze, but not as often this winter?  Or am I just more awake and aware this year?  The latter, if I had to bet.

Crazy stuff going on in the world.  Though, if there is a nuclear exchange, understand it won't have been from this or that, but a decision by both groups to go that far.  Don't ever let them try to fool you, either side.  Though, to be honest, I sort of expected it would have happened.  Keep it to Ukraine.  If I doubt it will stay there.  We'll see.  And Taiwan?  One or two minor nukes and they would surrender.  Something not even used in most war planning.  All the ships and men in the world wouldn't help with that.  Just a minor port city, and an interior city of some importance... boom, surrender.  Plan on it.  China doesn't want to destroy the island though, but some of it is extraneous.  Plus, they want political payback to the politicians, industrial leaders, and civilians in general there.  They aren't the good guys though, unlike some seem to think.

So, who are the good guys?  Politically?  By government, or sets of those?  There... aren't any good guys.  Maybe never were.  At this point, none of them are even trying to pretend to be.  Don't believe me?  keep taking your vaxxes, wearing your masks, and shutting up about the side effects.  And, get your electric vehicles, enjoying renewable energy, and going without petroleum products.  And without food, you don't need that either, I guess.  And that is in America.  At least you aren't in Ukraine.  Yet.

On to... other things.  Gaming, if I can.  Trying not to go back to bed.  Oh, feeding Sassy first.  Later.

Very good.

.

.

The chicken turned out to be excellent.  I feared it would be old, or long refrigerated, or... off.  Now, I did brine it.  For an hour.  Just salt and water, nothing fancy.  I dried it very well, before wrapping it in foil.  I made two different areas, within the foil, and spiced each differently.  One was more thyme, basil, tarragon, salt and pepper?  The other was similar, but with cayenne ground pepper.

I had one of each, if I think I had two of the plainer spiced pieces.  It was excellent.  As well, a potato, with butter and creme fraiche.  I'm telling you, creme fraiche really is a good thing.  The meal was superb.  I couldn't eat another piece, though, if I wished it.  I can't imagine how much the world has changed.  Three drumsticks and a potato completely filled me?  Almost to the point of being stuffed?  All good, I suppose.

I did do a bit of dishes.  Not quite going to do more.  Not today.  Maybe not tomorrow.  I am absolutely bruised, battered, and spent.  Not sure how that is possible.  But, I guess, getting out of the house five or six times in the last week or so is more than you, or I, could imagine.  Given my condition.  I am alive, but just.  Brutal, but glad of it.  I just can't go much further.  Rest, for a bit.

I did do one small thing.  I did get seeds to soaking, drained and rinsed them, then set up one batch in the tiered sprouting sets.  Every few days I will do another tier.  In four to six days, they should be done.  Rinsing them each night and morning.  Then, when they are done... pulling them, rinsing them in vinegar, then storing them.  If you don't clear and clean them right at maturity, they can get really nasty very quickly.  I'll try to pay closer attention this time.

It took a while to learn how to do kefir.  It is taking some time to get the hang of sprouts.  These are good foods, worth the effort.  But there is a trick to them.  No, as I have suggested, I am not a hippie.  I am not even really a foody.  Though I will taste almost anything.  And, if it is locally available and good, I may add it to my menu.  But, really, I am simply more concerned about eating more rightly, tending my body... weak as it is, ill as I am.  It's... more a responsibility than it is... a luxury, or even joy.  I do enjoy food, and try to really enjoy it more by eating rightly.  But it's more about tending my body in a way that I can.  Some people treat their pets better than they treat their own bodies.  I try to do similar, for both.  Even got Sassy to lose weight, and am trying to encourage health and weight loss in my own body.  Not... successfully, yet.  But... the idea is there.

Tomorrow I will redo the kefir with a mix of half of the last of the milk, split between the jars, a quarter into each jar, plus a similar amount of raw milk.  Two days of that, then I'll be on pure raw milk.  Hopefully that works out.  As soon as possible, after that, I will then cut out enough grains for a third jar.  I do... enjoy playing with, and making to a degree, my own food.  I'd love to garden, but it's... not possible.

A bit more gaming.  Food needs to be put up.  A bit more to drink.  Then on to bed.  I'll try to get a shower tomorrow.  And, maybe, finish up the dishes currently set to go.  Maybe set up another group of dishes.  Taco salad, tomorrow.  Maybe a piece of chicken if I'm still hungry.  Oh, and I am thawing meat.  Some of it I may cook as well.

Later?  No, probably goodnight.  Not for a bit, but I probably won't be back.

Rough in every way.

.

.

My legs and calves are killing me, as if I just unloaded a trailer, reaching high and squatting to stack boxes.  I am exhausted too, as if I had done a lot of work.  Absolutely shot.  I have been gaming most of the day, but have managed kefir and Sassy for the day, so far.

I can barely stand.  Even so, I tried to get to a bit more.  I gave the dishes nearing the end a finishing hit, then set them to soak.  As well, I emptied a dishpan, cleaned it, rinsed it, and set chicken to brine.  While that is going, baking potatoes.  One will be a twice baked, one will be... just... baked.  When they are done, the chicken drumsticks will go in.

I ordered water.  It wasn't supposed to show until Monday.  Glad to see it.  As well, finally got a pair of pliers which was ordered the first of last month, or the month before.  I received the package, but it had been slit open and the pliers gone.  They had to have known.  Well, it's here.  I am collecting a few tools, through time.  But, mostly, I am just buying food.  Beans, soy sauce, fish sauce, mushrooms... some of it has a long shelf life, some of it not so much, trying to store and eat what is best.

Why soy, fish, and oyster sauce?  These aren't just flavorings.  They have things in them that are good, on top of the flavor.  Soy?  More for traditional flavorings.  If I do choose what is in it carefully, at careful as you can be these days.  The fewest ingredients, and the more traditional ingredients.

Well, and it does help.  There have been times when I can barely walk, can't really get out, need food.  Better than starving.  Sure, it isn't top notch.  But it is edible.  And, if the world is rough, I would rather eat carbs than nothing.  Sometimes I can't eat meat.  Sometimes I can't eat carbs.  I sort of have to eat what I can eat, sometimes.  Usually I can stick with keto, or carnivore, depending on how well I can shop and keep the stove and oven clean enough to be open.  But when I can't, I... eat what I can.  Eating less, too.  Mostly.

Sort of hoping the chicken is good.  If not, I'll do burgers and salad, taco salad.  Still haven't made mayo yet.  Today or tomorrow?  Not sure.  My body is worn, tired, hurting.  Still, I was able to do some things.  Maybe more?  I'm trying.  Later.

Bad shape.

.

.

I had plans to get out, go do something.  Do a bit more shopping.  Problem is, I can't stand for long.  Difficulty waking.  Still not really awake.  Cold to the bone, for some odd reason.  Legs hurt, sore.  Foot is better, but this is a down down for it.  The first in a week.  I must have just pushed a little too hard in too many ways, over too many days.  I'm not complaining.  I... enjoyed pushing.

I don't even mind the pain.  My body hurts here, there, and everywhere.  A bit.  Not great pains, just little pains everywhere.  Adds up though.  I'd say it's a solid seven or eight, for total pain.  That it is a lot of little ones, to a degree, is better.  I can't focus on any singular area, without being distracted by another pain somewhere else.

My mind wanders from hurt to pain to the next.  But, each thing was earned.  Lifting this hurt that, walking that far hurt these, stretching to get this, or put that there, hurt those.  And, mostly, I know what caused most things.  Even with the last few days down, mostly due to having burned through energy, it is just now that the aches from burning the energy occur.  I'm... pleased.  I was beginning to wonder if I had pushed as hard as I thought.  Yep.  Pleased.

So, not going anywhere.  Not doing anything.  Relaxed though, into my suffering.  Offering it to those in purgatory.  Grateful to God for a responsive body.  Works, and even pains.  Graces, really.  But, I just can't do more today.  Maybe fore several days.  All good.  Though, if someone shows, I'll... have to get on my feet, as able.  It is how life goes, sometimes.

I reset the kefir.  Tomorrow, and the next day, I will add half storebought and half raw milk.  Until the storebought is gone.  Then I'll go to just raw.  The grains are doing well, and growing more each day.  They'll be back at it, and strongly, in a few days.  I need to do a bit of the dishes, to get more fresh jars, for next week.  Probably not today... too wiped.  But, maybe tomorrow, or Monday.

As well, I am soaking radish seeds for sprouts.  Goes good in salad, with or without burger or eggs.  And, isn't bad in soups and stews from hearsay.  I'd like to find out myself.  Oh, and I need to pull some stock from the freezer.  When I eventually get blue cheese, I'll also grab a bag of onions, for my cooking needs.  I do love onion.  In with roasts, diced taco type salads or else, and one many things.  I go through a bag every week or two.  Love that stuff.

Anyway...  While I can't do much today, I'll... sort some things in my mind, write some lists, and contemplate life.

Got stuck in the game.

.

.

Couldn't get through, couldn't quit.  Well, I did make progress.  But, finally, hit a spot I couldn't get through.  It was late, I was tired beyond reason already, and the game difficulty, all combined to beat me like a bad dog.  Finally crashing somewhere between twenty three hundred and midnight.  Always a few last things to do, so I am sure it was after midnight when I went down.

Dreams, again.  But not about her... if that was a dream.  Vivid, if not that vivid.  Some sort of future tomorrow people think of, or used to, when they thought of the future.  Flying cars, tech that (usually) actually works.  An easy life.  Though I am always suspicious.  I wondered about that easy food.  What was actually in it?  There were no labels, other than flavor and/or texture options.  Everything was premade, in some factory.  Everyone ate the same stuff.  It tasted good.  But... as mentioned, to my living mind outside the dream, it was dubious.

As for minorities?  There... weren't any.  I guess they fixed that.  At the very least by appearances and attitudes.  Menial labor?  Bots.  Literal bots.  Behind the façade of good workers, good neighbors, good stewards, though, was the rest.  All I am sure about is that it... wasn't... near as pleasant as it seemed.  You worked until you couldn't.  Then... you went away.  The environment was managed to as sustainable a decline as possible.  There were... good things, and bad things.  But, everyone, for the most part, understood this was as... good as we could do.

There was opposition.  Most political.  Not like today, with most political insanity being astro-turfed.  Real people would, could, and did create groups to oppose things, or better education, lower taxes, such.  And, it... was successful up to points.  Can't get rid of all taxes.  Can't end death.  Limits.  But people were practical.

With lower crime, Europe was actually jealous.  Without so-called minorities, crime became almost unknown.  Oh, a pencil or pen might go missing, from time to time.  But whether it was lost, accidentally borrowed and too expensive to return feasibly, or what, was a whole other thing.  People could move from Burg, Iowa, to Chicago or L.A., and have no worries about predation.  It was amazing.  But, amazing in a dying world.  Still, most understood, or tried to make little changes.  Life in a box, sort of.  Still, better than today.  Politicians had been tied by a lot of limits.  Again, as they had been at the beginning.  Nice.

There were other dreams.  At least as complex.  Some of them didn't make sense.  Imagine being a being which could traverse the stars, the muck of the universe, almost swim through the toxins and terrible masses and forces.  Look into places human eyes can't see.  But, be able to understand, to a degree, what was being "seen".

Other dreams too.  Some sort of animal.  Here on earth.  But I never did see myself, or understand.  Some sort of, if I had to guess, nocturnal small mammal.  An possum, racoon, marmot?  Something like that.  Feeding, hunting, at night.  They can't see perfectly, but well enough to get around.  Hearing, and scent, are as much a part of their methods.

Such dreams.  And all so much closer to real than dream, if as mentioned not as concrete, absolute, or realistic of a set of sensations as the dream yesterday.  Still, more real than usual.  Very strange.  Wonderful, if a bit terrifying.  Ah... so be it.  Later.

Oh, right.

.

.

Last night.  She was in my dreams.  But more, it seemed.  She... that was as close to being in the flesh as I have ever dreamed.  So much so, that I attempted to keep away from her.  I was so tired though.  I couldn't... resist.  Part of me didn't want to resist.  But, really, I tried.  I just couldn't keep her away.  It was terrible and wonderful all at once.  Been a... while.  I tell you, I am not absolutely sure that was purely a dream.

Too tired.

.

.

I didn't get to anything?  Yep.  Well, I fed Sassy.  Several times through the day.  Will probably feed her twice more.  Just... too tired.  Am falling asleep browsing the web.

I did game a bit.  But... got frustrated, with being as tired as I am.  I will play a bit more, or I am going to crash.  And, will probably go to bed before too long no matter what else.  Yes, I pushed things.  And, there is a price for it.

Still, glad to have pushed things.  I enjoy trying.  Or, more, succeeding.  I did well.  It just has cost me a great deal.  Can't do much.  Will be crashing, hard, in an hour or so.  Two?  Something.

Have a good one.  Goodnight.

A new day.

.

.

Friday already?  I have been pushing.  Then going to bed later, and waking later.  Which is the cause, effect, I can't say.  On the good side, my days and nights aren't flipping like objects of some cosmic juggling.  And, there is some hope to bring alignment back, if I could just back off a bit, for a while.

Today?  Freezertop finishing, dishes, perhaps some laundry?  Maybe a bit in that bathroom hallway.  Cooking chicken drumsticks... I'll want to brine those for a bit.  And something to eat.  I've been eating, pretty much, just one meal a day.  More yesterday, but as events lead to that.  Oh, and I'll give homemade mayonnaise a shot.  Then, with cream tomorrow, I can make a base for several salad dressings.  I do have keto mayo, if my attempts fail.  But I really don't care for it.  It is avocado oil based, but there is always way too many ingredients in it for it to be a clean food.  

Look, egg, oil (a good one, like avocado, ev-olive, or such), mustard (without carbs, mustard doesn't have carbs, unless added!), is all that is required.  Sure, that isn't shelf stable.  And it is tricky to make.  But... it is rather easy to make, too.  Mostly.  And, I have to admit, homemade tastes so much better than storebought it... just can't be rightly compared.

So, a list of things.  I forgot to call to check about confession yesterday.  They are not open today.  There are confessional times, but there is both a longer line, and a presumption that confession will be short and sweet.  Not that my list is all that long, but it is both a catching up, and with things from the past which need... managed more properly.  Odd how things become clearer the more you look, and see.  I'll get on that Monday.  Put something in the phone to remind me.

A good list for today.  And, very possibly doable.  Maybe a bit more.  If I ease into things, and figure out how to do them without standing the whole time.  Tired, but not terribly so.  If I don't push it too hard, I have some wind in me, and potentially a second or third wind.  If I am careful.  I might be able to work well today.

Dreams.  Crazily deep dreams this week.  Enemies, allies, the state, the good and bad part of that.  Changes, chaos, order, light, darkness.  Filled.  So complex there is no way I could bring that back to waking.  Or, not this time.  Or this week.  Every other day or so, I have been dreaming deeply.  Death, life, war, all in efforts toward a real, right, peace.  You must war, often, with your own, before you can war with anyone else.  Or even before you can rightly war with anyone else, or even decide whether that is right.  We... have a war upon us.  At home.  Probably shouldn't be anywhere else with that, until this is done.

On to my day.  Good morning and day.