Yeah, no.

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She is definitely out of the game for a bit.  She did wake, get up.  We had coffee, a bit of a talk.  I helped her with a few things, then got her back to bed, and bundled.  She is in rough shape.  I'll try to get her to take it easy for a bit.  I don't think it will be a hard sell.

I canceled the appointment.  If I need to cancel another and make two others.  Ugh.  But not this morning.  Later.

I did get trash together and out.  Almost chilly out there.  But supposed to get into the 90s the next two days?  It does cool better, and isn't staying hot long.  Very strange year, for heat and cool, this year.

It's time to go on back to bed myself.  My ribs hurt just a bit, have for a while.  Final healing processes from my fall?  Or just... something else?  I never can be sure.  On to rest.  Can't do much else.

Wanted a shower, and last night.  Can't quite pull it off.  Now or then.  Be well.

Up on time.

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Now, down to take a shower.  Checking on mother.  And, probably, canceling a procedure.  It is her ribs of most concern.  Not sure she will be able to get out of bed today.  Hoping her back isn't hurt too, but think it was her ribs.  So delicate, even I at times, in ways.

Dreamed.  Resurrected from the casting of stones in the form of the bowie knife.  It hurt more to heal than the production of the wound.  Now I am sure I can have dreams continue.  I was pretty sure I have, but heard that isn't possible.  Again, so much for experts.

Mother went down hard.

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Took the dog for a walk.  She took off on her.  Mother wouldn't let go of the leash.  Ended up down very hard.  Glad I reminded her to take her phone.

I have learned, sometimes, to ignore what mom thinks, and do things more my way.  In this case, getting her up.  If not until we got her sorted, making sure we should move her.  Still not absolutely convinced, on that account.  May yet need to call an ambulunce.  I will leave that call with her, until or unless I have greater cause to set her wishes aside.

Oh, for selling house?

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I must admit, I missed the bubble.  If I could sell, at this point, it would most likely just clean the slate.  Pay off debts, perhaps walk with a few tens of thousands.  Buyers are not out there, for listed or suggested prices.  Not even steeply discounted prices.  I have been watching for a while.  More locally, regionally.

Some think a drop in interest rates would help.  And it might, for a few who are ready to buy and sell, or on/in the market.  It would be a trick, short term.  Only for a few, and not a great bet even then.  Possibly better than renting?  In some odd markets, maybe.

But, houses seem not only be have prices crashing, without selling even so.  But with very little interest on any front.  As mentioned, I would only sell if I could pay everything and then pay off another house.  The market won't support that, no matter what the state or else says the house is worth.  It's about as good as the used diamond market, currently.  Even with a serious downgrade in house size.

Absolutely couldn't take the hit, only to have to buy into a different house, in the inflated market even with those caveats, at this interest rate.  Stuck.  No way out whatsoever, unless selling and going overseas.

Renting the place is a thought.  But that would be rough.  Assuming the government doesn't stop landlords from collecting again?  They really... killed trust by doing that, in an already rocky industry.  I have to think that was part of why it was done.

Rent is good money, if you can actually get it.

Of course, there is mom.  But if she pushes beyond my ability to recover?  I'll have to figure something else out for her anyway.  I simply won't allow her to drive me into the grave.  Ugh.  My brother and she are better matched, but he'd have none of it.  Too bad.  He could use the help, and oddly could keep up with her.  His wife wouldn't have it either.  Oh well.

I suppose he already has a woman shoving him toward his casket.  Two is at least one too many.  *grins*

Later.

Sleeping in volume.

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Mom is getting lonely.  But I can't do much for it.  Every time I wake to talk, she begins making lists of things to do.  It is, if reports are accurate, back into the high eighties again.  Between her and the heat, medicine, and what has been done this summer in the heat, I am done until I can recover.

I won't let her, or events, kill me.  She just refuses to understand.  So must be left to herself.  She asked that I wake and be present with her this noon, for a few hours.  I said I would, but that I wouldn't work.  Will see.  If it is more attempted pushing, it will be a short visit.

----------

A monster?

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How would you know if you are one?  I can't say for all.  For me?  I couldn't see until I came to the light.  Until I first began discerning virtue from vice.  And, more, seeking virtue.  If virtue, I further came to understand, was truly God writ small.  A terrifying realization, mind you.  As I have written, I initially thought I could obtain virtue, but use it to my ends, and turn it on or off as if it had a power switch, like a light.

But, no.  Virtues aren't toys, tools, or owned items.  I either had them, used them, as on-only systems (to within my limited abilities, mind you), or not.  And, as strongly as I tried, even with sincere practice, to some degree, virtues escape me.  Still learning.

Much sleep.

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Mother calls me, she says.  I don't remember.  Sleeping eighteen, twenty, more hours at a time.  Do I get up, for water, a bite, the facilities?  Not that I recall, though not that I would.

Tired beyond some of your ability to uunderstand.  I won't say sleep is helping?  But it isn't hurting.  Mostly sleeping, now.  Not partly resting as before.

A very long sleep.

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Through the night, day, and afternoon.  Not up until 17:30?  More like 19:30.  Felt better for it.  Muscles didn't burn.

Blood sugar was 86, but I felt good.

She's not happy.

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Wanted Jasmine indoors, without the cage.  I agreed, so long as she was connected to a tether.  Either in an eyebolt, or something secure.  Furious.  Asked why I hated the dog.  I told her that I have an old hobbled up cat.  And a household.  Both need to be protected.

I had a pool I used to use for the ducks.  Mom wanted to use it for her dog.  Okay.  Three days later that was absolutely torn to pieces.  No.  That dog gets no freedom in this house until she is trained, proven, and even then only when we are home.  A lot of ifs.  No exceptions.

Hoped.

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Up earlier, I had hoped to do... things.

Blood sugar, bp, and medicine taken.  Coffee made and consumed, as well as kefir.  Love that stuff.  A list made, calls to make.  A shower planned.  Work planned.  Not many things, but some.

Up a bit late.

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Better, or I should say earlier.  But... need to push for even earlier.  I have an early morning appointment coming up.  I am a bit worried.  Have genuinely been trying to wake early.  Setting the alarm clocks, varying bed times, even sleeping through whole days.  Difficulties.

Dying faster?  Maybe, maybe not.  Certainly closer to death than age would indicate.  It's... like a piece of mostly dead near orbit space debris.  If it is falling into the gravity well, but has propulsion, or enough remaining velocity, inertia, it just won't fall.  Inertia, though?  Or some propulsion I simply don't understand... the hand of God?

Hating me?

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Oh, saw it the other day.  A local woman, walking with her child.  Wouldn't wave back.  Hard looks.  She clutched her child and hurried off, looking back in fear?  Sour sentiment?  I was pretty sure why.  I just chuckled.

As I have said before, I don't make the rules.  I don't even enforce them.  From gravity, to biomechanics, to solar forces, laws and principals are not only not my doing, they are beyond my understanding.  This I have known... from before you, or I, were even born, even the first time.  Certainly the next times.  Might not come back whole, from death.  But I didn't come back lessor, save from a worldly view.  Things I realized, I think from... before the big bang.  The beginning.

Some small bits.

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A bit at waking.  Not much.  I am still rough.  A few things.  A bit later?  Very few things.  She has been backing off on attempting to machine-gun orders.  I might or might not do a few things.  But soon or late I just shut down and crash.  I really need rest, sleep.

It is just starting to begin to sort of start cooling.  Days are more in the 80s, if nights, lows, are just getting to the low 60s.  Warm.  Hot really, especially without cooler nights.  Days are supposed to be dipping into the low 80s and mid to lower 70s in the next week or two.  Rain is supposed to be arriving.  Clouds have been passing through, but rain has been scant.  We keep hoping.

A list of things, mostly calls, tomorrow.  But... many calls.  Oh, and dental too.  Ugh.  Something forgotten on the list.  I think there are half a dozen calls already.  Just one run, mom's medicine.  Probably?

As catastrophic?

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A regular read suggested that ignoring the laws of social dynamics is, in time, just as disastrous as ignoring the laws of thermodynamics (or, presumably any solid physics or engineering laws or principles).  You can squeak by, for a while.  Taking a few losses over time, which begin to compound as the ignored truths are applied to all else.  Then roads, buildings, electronics, planes, or in this case societies, collapse.  Often, I would go further, one failure inexorably leads to the failure in all the others if pushed by tptb.

I... must debate that.  No, it is true, as far as it goes.  Where it fails is the level of destructiveness.

Never quite sure.

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I have talked around the cage, for Jasmine.  Not... certain whether mother is resigned to keeping it, yet.  Or onboard.  I won't have her loose in the house.  But would very much like to have her in the house.

Not just on cold days.  Or hot ones.  If we travel.  When weather is bad.  Or even often just sometimes during the day.  Even if she and Sassy can learn to get along, a dog simply shouldn't be allowed to roam a house without people, or even always with people home.  Sometimes.  Destructive animals.

A bit, earlier.

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Just one wagon unloaded.  Quite a pile out there.  Or group of piles.  Each wagon drops between one and two square yards of material.  I think there are between eight and twelve loads out there.  I would guess five to ten more will end up out there, or so.

I also reset kefir.  Then cleared the freezer top.  Mom wanted to find meat packages to pull to the other freezer, or begin thawing.  I'll reset that, if she hasn't.  Currently it is where I let kefir ferment, make ice and (my french press) coffee, and filter water.  Will, in time, move those to other stations so that pulling packages from the deep freeze isn't such a hastle.

She remembers what she wants to believe.

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I told her I won't, can't, work for a bit.  On top of last night's painful horror, and general exhaustion from pushing too long, as well as it still staying in the 90 F range?  I'm done until it cools.  That's just the way of it.  I should say, until it cools and then I catch my breath.  A week of cooler weather, then we'll see.  Two?

Well, and still adjusting to medicine.  Which I have been missing, lately.  Ugh.  I'll have to sort that.  Getting three out of four doses, but that isn't enough.  I have to push, especially now that I am taking a break.

A change of plans.

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Mother had wanted me to buy a storage system.  I've been hemming and hawing about it, quite spendy.  She suggested she would pay a certain amount a month on it.  But, if she is looking for a way out, of here, I can't make that deal.

To be honest, I have been looking for a way out of that deal.  Selling it, in the future, might be difficult, and it would be at a bit, or lot, of a loss.  Just getting it off the property might be a trick, potentially an expensive one.

Well, there is that.

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Didn't measure for the dog cage?  Nope.  Measured the dog.  Chose "roomy" based on that.  Didn't want her ears touching the top of the cage.  So had to take the length required.  Didn't measure the room, or doors.

No, it won't, constructed, fit through the doors.  So, has to be built in her room.  BUT,  only after completely reorganizing her room.  Moving her bed, bed stand, and one of her dressers.  Plus rearranging a third of her room, otherwise, in general.

Pain.

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It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Cramps, multiples, in the legs, plus the arms this time.  A new or rare thing.  Toss in a headache.  The type of extreme pain that used to cause me to scream, and emit tears past any resistance.  I have learned to... relax, make no sound, and hold tears.

It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Six months?  A year?  And a while before that time, again, and again, rarities for... some time.  But, about three years ago, and on back, it was a monthly to weekly, rarely even more often clusters of, events.  I keep daring to hope those episodes are gone.  Wasn't sure how well I would hold up.