Dodging bullets.

.

.

That activity seems to be a family affair.

After all the candy, fruit, and other carby food eaten from October twenty seventh to the tenth, then off and on until even yesterday, really, I decided it was time to see the damages by checking blood sugar.  A fasting draw, which, when I go bad, is the worst but most honest number.  Fasting blood sugar is brutally honest, unforgiving, uncompromising.

Closing in.

.

.

The last of the pushes, for external causes, is nearing completion.  The windows are going in Saturday.  The new tub is going in Monday.  More needs to be done.  Some tomorrow, some Saturday, maybe a bit Sunday.

Things, more things, to be moved.  A few drawers to be emptied, in the bathroom.  As they will most likely be working behind the built-in cabinetry.  So much has already been done.  But that last mile is sometimes the hardest.

Awake for a bit.

.

.

Water was already tended.  Though I needed to refill the reservoir.  A keto bread pudding mother recently made was crumbled, heated, then dosed with cream.  No coffee, just water tonight.  Enough left so when she woke, I set her up with the last portion.  She liked how I did it.

I took Jasmine for a bit longer of a walk.  New territory.  I can see the tracks someone is making through my back acre, into one of my outbuildings, and to another neighboring field.  A pretty regular path.  Surprised, Jasmine both tinkled and pooped.  All good, just that was the first time she has done a number two, let alone twice.  Being on the field, I don't mind, this time.  Will start taking bags to get that, from now on.  Even on my land, but definitely on other people's proprty, even on public spaces... of course.

To the doctor, finally.

. 

.

After the hospital failed to do renal checks, twice in a row, at the blood draws, and then the V.A. approved the local visits... but decided to not send the approvals causing a third failed visit, I finally got in.

Not good news.  My kidmeys are down to 10%.  From 15%, which is down from 19% earlier this year.  On the good side, my bp was low enough, right in the office, to reduce medicine.  The only other request was to reduce, for now, magnesium... as a supplement.

Awake for just a bit.

.

.

Too cool.  Too warm.  For worry.  Or even just because I feel just right, warm enough but not too warm, not even hungry or thirsty.  I just... wake, when I wake, for good or no reason.  Tonight?  I think I was beginning to overheat.

Down I went.  I took Jasmine out for a late walk.  Gamed a bit.  Plugged the router back in, it still isn't working.

A few things.

.

.

Received a letter, yesterday.  Something about my bank, and lapsing coverage?  No... I didn't call the number offered.  Suspicious, for many reasons.  I called my bank.

At first, the woman I was speaking with, while polite and diplomatic, thought I was wasting her time.  After a hold and review?  Not so much.  They had nothing to do with the notice.  Still, it perturbed my sleep.  Most likely my former insurer, the one that tried to triple my insurance... quadruple it?  After playing games about insuring my house, forcing repairs, and else.

Up late.

.

.

If after a long sleep through the day.  Calls and doorbells, barking and else, kept disturbing my sleep.  I ignored, turned off the phone, and slept.  I slept as long as I could.  Well, and warmly.

Up for supper.  Though I woke at noon, for a bit.  Had to, as the worker's boss visited to get me to sign off on the job.  I did a few things for mom.  But she was trying to badger more work out of me than I could do.  Both earlier and later.

Pretty much done.

.

.

The siding, and portion of trim to be added, painted, is done.  Just two boxes, from trim, to be installed.  Along with putting two lights in them.  For now.  In time I will install new lights.  Even the doorbell is on and working.  

Sure, I need more, new, lights, hardware for a hatch, new house numbers, a few electrical boxes too.  They reinstalled the old one, up front.  But it needs replaced.  The outlet in back is just a conduit end box, so will need to be sorted whole.

Working on things.

.

.

With constructikn ongoing, I have been crashing more than usual.  The sounds, and having people hereabouts, causes massive stress.  And that flattens me.  Even so, I try to get to things as and when I can.

Mom is pushing, herself.  Twisted her knee this afternoon.  Badly.  Can still move, but even more slowly and with more pain.  Which makes her, sometimes, obscenely pushy.  I won't bark.  I understand fully.  Confussion from pain, the seeming control barking orders seems to offer, and forgetting you had just given the same list(s) due to pain memory loss... I get that.  But me already being stressed?  I can't take it.  So I just melt back upstairs, and rest or sleep as possible.

Still cold.

.

.

To the bone, chilled.  No good solid way to escape it.  Not upstairs, here.  I do get warm enough downstairs, after a bit.  Warm enough, not... as warm as I would like.  That sit-in tub would be good, if they would ever get it in.  Late.

I am, again, going to try mesh base layering.  Under my warmer pajamas.  Not absolutely sure it will work.  Just... will try.  As well, back to various weights of merino wool base layers, over the mesh, under the pj's, if needed.  Will see.

A bit of work.  Two small sessions.  Just a bit of sorting, mostly hauling.  And... not in the direction I had planned.  If my intended direction, as it turned out, wasn't the right way.  I had simply mistaken priorities.

Stomach ache.

.

.

Too much candy!  On the good side, I gave away what little remained.  Today.  But, ate half a dozen bars yesterday?  Nearly as many, or more since October 28th?  Or so.  Oh, so glad, and sad, to see them go.  Back to nearly pure carnivore.  No additives of questionable sorts.  No veggies save freeh salad greens.  With only carnivore approved dressings.  That won't help today, or even tomorrow.  But, in time, it will help.

Jasmine won't quit barking.  So... muzzled.  I wasn't sure that would keep her quiet.  Thought it was just for preventing biting.  But I was at wit's ends.  Didn't want to use the ecollar for that, at least not without more guidance.  The muzzle works.  She absolutely hates it.  For me, at this point, that is a plus, feature, not a bug.  As much as I hate disturbing her, allowing her to disturb me will kill me.  Perturbing her is a lessor evil?

Getting more sleep?

.

.

Yes.  If, also, helping out more too?  Yes.  How?  Well, mother is pitching overtime, and having tasks she needs me to do ready when I am able.  And, lately, that has been a lot.  Heavy work.  But small if many discrete tasks.  Moving the freezer (fully loaded, a struggle but not impossible for short distances), moving boxes, taking out trash, putting larder bulk down in the basement.  Though too, setting up her tea when she has worked hard and needs and wants that little gift or help.

No, I really don't mind.  As much as she does, I am glad when I can help.  Tea or real muscle work.  I don't mind.

Heavy sleeping.

.

.

Mother, even now, is just almost on the fringe of understanding.  I can't fully explain because not even I fully understand.  Can't sleep much, but need to rest when not able to sleep.  Hours, days, at a time.

I told her how cold I was.  Then I touched her shoulder.  She  has touched warmer corpses.  No, it doesn't make sense.  Not always cold, but sometimes cold beyond anything that should make sense.

Pushing too hard.

.

.

I tried to help, but every time I turned around she added things to MY list.  NO!  I do have to get in for blood work.  Again, the blood work was incomplete.  Again, my appointment was canceled.  The hospital is pushing dei hiring, and we are suffering for it.

This time they will get a talking to.  Beyond, I will have them verbally confirm the testing with my clinic.  And, going forward, every time I go for a draw, the two clinics will speak one to the other, before testing starts.  And I will check the tests, as well, before I leave.

A touch worried.

.

.

Doctor appointment coming up.  Will check then.  BP is often, say five of the last seven days, down in the 88/65, with pulses as low as 38 to 54.  Okay.  Wasn't sure if that was bad.  Went looking, as a simple exercise, not for surety (can't trust the web, on several fronts, of for specifics with particular givens).  Still, could get a gist?

Seems, from what I read and saw, that these things aren't an issue, with the caveat that there are no symptoms.  My problem?  The symptoms I was having existed before the low reads, and have improved.  If yet remain, exhaustion the worst and slowest to fade.

Things mother never believed.

.

.

I told mother about things I did, things I ate, my utensils and cookware.  She ususally disagreed, or simply didn't believe.  Of course, carnivore eating.  Which has been slipping lately, so she is gaining again.  Still, I did show her.  Cooking with stainless cookware.  If very good quality, triple or more ply, stainless.  Using only wood or metal cooking utensils.

Still having some difficulty.  She keeps reaching for silicon utensils while hot cooking.  If she keeps doing that, I will throw those out.  Only for cold applications.  And she keeps putting hot food in plastic containers.  Again, if I catch her again, I will tell her those will be thrown and replaced with glass or ceramic if I catch her doing that one more time.  Cold food in only!  Room temp.

A few things.

.

.

On the road, yesterday.  Banking business, tanking up, a few other things.  Meant to get blood work and pick up dairy.  Ended up taking a trip into Idaho, to... Pocatela, I think.  I thought it was closer.  No, it was a two hour, boring, drive.  Or more.

Had plans, for the trip.  But when we got there... no.  Oh.  Thought it was a real city.  Turned at the first exit, so maybe missed something?  The outskirts was populated with trailer homes.  Not... What I was expecting, at all.  Turned around and left before driving much further in.

Considerations.

.

.

Not... claiming these vids as truths?  I will suggest there may be more than meets the eye to them.  If I simply can't fully sign off on them.  Consider it more... poetic psychology?  Transendental philosophy?  You... most likely won't appreciate.  Most who try to go into these won't make it through, consciously.  So understanding is not for most.

If The Architect's speech, in the matrix, required two (or more, many more) listens, to roughly understand, I am not sure you are capable of understanding what these suggest.

Oh my word!

.

.

Alarms set.  Mother hollered up a time or two.  The phone went off as well?  No matter.  I was... unavailable for exterior commitments.  With feet elevated, I finally found comfort, and warmth.  Did I fail, fall, crash into that?  Or did I merely finally just find it?

I... don't care which.  What I did care about was that I was able to snuggle in, sleep, sleep well, warmly, and was able to get rest in sleep that I had started to miss.  If... I can sleep like that for a few days, or weeks, as much as possible?  I may actually recover before I hit long term, semi-perminemt, or perminent collapse.

A good sleep.

.

.

Not as much, or as good, as is hoped.  Still, much better than generally, recently.  For half a week, sleep was excellent.  As I try a few things, sleep has flagged a bit.  Though I think the new methods will pan out.  Some already are.  Elevating feet, while sleeping, is just taking some time to incorporate.  And keeping my feet warm, while elevated, is proving... to be complicated.

Still, I think everything will turn out beneficial.  I am enjoying the practices, just need to perfect them.  Working on it.