Tired, but working.

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Though quite tired today, I was able to get some of that which I needed to do completed. I ended up doing more work than planned, of a physical nature, but it was light and spread out over a number of tasks. I was able to get my friend’s vehicle going and I have the battery charging now. She is doing laundry and napping. She despises my central air, but even she has limits. At 97 F with high humidity, and her being tired from lack of sleep in this heat already this week, she needed sleep, so while doing laundry, she is resting in my cave. The couch mind you, she is a friend. I plan to take a nap myself, in my big comfy bed! She sleeps on a mat in her place, disliking even regular beds! Oh well, liberals, of the naturalist order, serve their purposes, I guess.

I was able to do a number of things on my lists, though not so many as I had hoped. I do not think the QoD is the problem. Actually, that she needed assistance was a boon in this regard. And more, she took a look around the place and understood that I am in a fix. Though she will not, exactly, clean, she did help remove some boxes, take out some trash, and a few other things. Actually, she did quite a lot. And, I helped as I was able. I know, it seems I could just do these things but… I cannot. Is it maleness or something else I wonder? I am, to some degrees, feral… I am also disassociative to the point of not understanding the physicality of the world around me to some extent, an extent that depends on many factors at any given time.

I am more pleased with how things are going this week, to this point. But there is so much more to do. I remain very tired, yet I will push through this as much as I am able. My medicine really seems to have started to fail a bit. It is not waking me in the mornings, as it had. Perhaps it adds something somewhere and allows me to do more but it is much more passive now. Though I thought this was a bad thing, I think it is just a new thing. It may very well mean I am healing, even if it is not always the most enjoyable of processes.

I will not try out my ab-machine until tomorrow, but I am excited. I know that it cannot, by itself, get rid of my stomach. It can help me burn calories and create muscle mass and in the right area. Along with diet, the other muscle mass I am developing and working, and time, I might get this stomach gone. I really am working out mostly for strength and appearances. This is not being done to find a wife, it might even be a little negative that way. It is purely for my own purposes. It is time.

As I help my friends, much more lately, I am finding great joy in doing this as well. Several friends have needed key help, some have needed drives and battery assistance, some will be needing me to help them move, and I am finding other ways to be helpful. And, if you were a neighbor, or even nearby, I would gladly help you if I had that chance. So many of you do and have and will help me, that it is good to be able to share it around. As well, the Christian principle is no small incentive. I try, though, not to do things “just because”. I really try to do the right things as a means of enjoying life, sharing work, and pleasing my God but not onerously… simply, humbly, fumblingly at times, but personally and willfully. I want anything I do to be done with those intentions internalized and having become a part of me. I am not sure how to say this, precisely. I guess I do not want this to be law, I want it to be a personal care. I want to please God, not mindlessly obey some absolute or other.