I have been thinking.

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I have indicated some of the negatives about the events in my recent history. But there have been some strong positives. I have been able to travel, to meet people, to help people, and to just enjoy life. I think the people around me have, usually, enjoyed my company, worked to their capacity usually, and have been helpful. I have been tested by the strangeness of many things and people and I am sure I test other people’s patience, beliefs, tolerances. In that mix, work and play was completed, meals were shared, and stories and memories were shared. My mother was good, in a number of ways, this time as well. Though she was not ready for the move, she did not try to do any of the lifting other than very minor things and she was not her past typical nagging, demanding, complaining self. She was an excellent help and guide, I think because she did not hurt herself trying to lift or micromanage. She encouraged the work with out shoving, and she had a pretty good idea of where to put things.

I also have a pretty good life. I do not always share well, or share the goodness in me or that I know as well as I would like. I have been keeping busy, working quite hard compared to my last 20 years, and growing in a number of ways. I am getting a handle on my health, if slowly, and in a rough shod manner. And, I try to keep myself open to do the right things, the good things, and to just be available to God’s will. I have prayed for many people, events, and for my own reasons. I have started to be a regular at church. I have even started studying for classes this fall.

Though I still feel totally confused at Church, in school at times, and in life in general, and I may always have that, I am learning to just be patient, ask pertinent questions, and seek other information on my own. I am occasionally exhausted, and seem to be able to do very little. Yet, when I can, and as I must, I do pick up and get going again, often before I think I can (with mixed results). And though I may never have a clear certainty about my history, I can be satisfied that I know today and the yesterdays before and after the period of trauma. I am good with that at this point.

No, life is good. It is hard at times. It definitely moves way too fast. It is lonely, I think with or without a spouse at times, but more so without a wife and children. In spite of these things, often because of them in that they offer a comparison sample, I really do want to live and try to do what I like and to know and love people. I like to experience a breeze on my skin, the sun on my face, and the sights, sounds, smells, feel, and combined sensations that the various seasons present. Yes, it is good to be alive.