Exhausted, but…

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I went to the afternoon class. We covered the test a bit then went on to go over more material. The average, it seems, is around 75%. I did some things well, other things I am just not sure about. I did ask about the one question I did not know. It seems it was a somewhat complicated question regarding exponential distributions where the variable needed to be adjusted, with the data given, then formulated. At least I know if it still does not connect. On my way to and from class, I ran into some overt Obama fanaticism and some outright racism. I guess some believe he is going to win and plan on becoming loud, proud, and rude, starting today. I do not truck with such nonsense, and you will be polite or find out what not being polite means. I do not care if you join the Obama Youth or not.

On my way home, I almost forgot to go to the bible study. Tired, sore, hungry… but I like going so much it does not matter. And, since I was awake and on my way, I made it just about right on time. It was fantastic. The readings today were very powerful. They included how Christ obeyed, to his death and life. How the guests had other things to do, so they could not come to the feast. All of them, to me, regarded duty. Doing what you are supposed to do, what you say you will do, and even doing so at some disregard to your own self interests. The discussions were, as usual, very good. We have a good group of men. We get perspectives from all sides and it does lend to a fuller understanding.

One of the men brought something he had put together, it too was quite amazing. He had a picture of the famous painting with the hand of God and the hand of Adam nearly touching. He had an interesting idea about it as well. Man was barely trying to reach out his finger to touch God, while God had made all and then taken the step of reaching out himself. The lack of effort in men became blazingly obvious when it was noted and the painting was viewed with that in mind. And, into my own life, yes, I see it. Though I try, often even when I could, I say I am too tired, sore, or lost. When offered a chance to join, I do something else. It fit with the readings, and well. I do understand I am disabled, more seriously from time to time, but when I am not, what then? I do need to look, always, at these things.

So, do I fail to realize God when I refuse to be treated rudely or disrespected? I do not think so. I think we must demand respect, both as children of God and as men of flesh. To not do so is to disregard our station in creation, heaven, and earth. To encourage bad behavior is also not helping, it encourages further encroachments by the lesser aspects of lesser men. Becoming prey to ill will must only encourage the behavior both generally and specifically. Do not act as prey, or not only will you be predated specifically, the beasts will grow to enjoy the taste. I will be my brother’s keeper, if it kills him. And yes, that is good too, so long as it is proper. For the wisdom to keep that right, I look to my patron saint, Michael, to Mary, and to God. Each offers words, wisdom, thought, and guidance. They also offer forgiveness should I make a mistake, so long as I acknowledge and bring that forward for forgiveness rather than tucking it away as a pet blood lust or something.

I am rambling. I am quite exhausted. I pulled a 36 hour trek through yesterday, with only a small nap, and while I am still trying to recover from the recent spate of exhaustive days and nights. I slept most of the day and I am assured to sleep most of this night as well. I have an appointment in the morning and then classes after that. Plus I need to reschedule an appointment and hopefully clean the inside of my vehicle. When the sun is shining, I must take advantage. Though my body is still somewhat sore and I am still weak, this is as good as it will be for a while. The sun is shining, if barely. Life is good, the tests are done, I did not retreat to suicidal thoughts (and have not for well over a decade), I did not quit, and if I have not passed this exam, I have done all that I may to that end. I will sleep well.