A brutal day.

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I could not wake up this morning. I wrestled with sleep and lost. It was well past noon before I could force myself out of bed. At least the house was warm. Once out of bed, I have struggled to get going. Nausea and a headache plagued me, though a little coffee and some Tylenol did the trick for the most part. This is taking my medicine. I wonder if it will be worse or better when I can finally quit them. I will deal with that then. As I finally started to stir, I decided to finish the last part of the last problem in my homework.

As I began looking for it, I became frustrated. It simply is not where it should be. I only study in one area of the cave. The area was cluttered, so I began to dig through the piles, sorting everything into a toss pile and save piles of various natures. I dug to the bottom, and… nothing. So, I did a brief cave walkthrough, sorting as well. I do not have a perfect cave, by far, but the top month or two is corrected and most of what lies beneath was already in order for the most part. Still nothing. I decided I would just reprint the homework assignment and begin again, with my notes. I have no real problem with that, as I need the practice anyway. I printed the homework looked over the problems, and sought the notes to do the work. No notes. The whole section dealing with the homework and the homework itself has vanished.

I began to try and think where I could have left it, dropped it, or if I handed it in inadvertently. I am positive I only take papers out in class, and then never notes, only fresh printer paper upon which to take notes, so I would not have left the material in class. I also know I do not study anywhere but in a small area in the cave, using the coffee table as my base of operations. Since I had cleared that area, and the rest of the cave, I do not think the papers are here at home. I will have to email my professor to see if I handed them in but I do not think that is the case. I think I turned in the material before I had started… well, no, I did not… or did I? It is not turning out to be a good day. I will just have to write an email to my professor and check. Barring that, I am in a bit of a spot. I cannot really study for tomorrow’s quiz or finish the homework without that material!

I will be placing a call and making that order today. In spite of being quite agitated about the lost notes and homework and the late start, I am in otherwise good shape. I am both excited and nervous about the order. It will allow a great deal of latitude in other hobbies. It might lead to some decent coin in my pocket if I can get the knack of it. And it is interesting all by itself. Nothing like three birds, or more, with one stone. Even if the stone is rock solid gold, I suppose. I guess it depends on how hungry and enterprising one is. The gold might end up being a boomerang shape, only getting larger on the return. Then again, I might just be fibbing to myself. That does happen.

I am set to go with my lady friend to a Christmas dinner. We will be attending her work party. Then we will go for some light entertainment afterwards, at a locally rebuilt theater, a local icon. It sounds to be a Christmas showcase. Though I am Christian, and though I enjoy Christmas, I am not so into the modern spirit of the season, so I would not have gone of my own volition. I enjoy the company of the Q.O.D. enough though that this is enough. And usually I end up enjoying the events. Whether because of her, in spite of her, or even to spite her is often an unknowable thing! And, yes, I laugh at this with the greatest of joy. I have finally figured out why this conservative hard case and that liberal (if poor) intellectual debutant enjoy each others company so much. It came to me in a dream and makes sense. It is so odd to dream thoughts rather than pictures, sound, and feelings. I wonder if that has anything to do with dreaming in color? Anyway...

If the Gothic movement had existed in our times, while we were growing up, we both would have been in that circle, or could have been easily. She is a romantic melodramatic heartbroken open-hearted Queen of Darkness, with her damp earthy natural if a bit twisted existence. I am a rock stone cold hard case with a heart that wishes to betray that nature attached to an ancient soul, all whole with a dark past but with a change to the light, or more a change to the will of God even with my darker nature, to the extent that is possible. I am glad we did not go through that scene and meet in those times. Age has wizened us. Back then we would have had a depressing dark powerful life and love together, only to agree to a double suicide or something stupid (if romantic) like that. Kids… Anyway, now I know.

As well, I have a supper event coming up with the neighbors. I have not seen them often lately. I have been holed up. We met a few days ago and decided to get together for a meal today, but one of their young ones has an event this evening so we rescheduled. It sounds like the wife has some fantastic fixings for the meal and I am always rather flexible. They are such kind and good people, I could never be angry with them. I think my politics and social beliefs are beyond their ability to handle but I do not fault them for that. It seems to have created a bit of a rift and I understand this as well. I can be a difficult pill to swallow. The salt of the Earth will never be able to understand, say, The Terminator. How I work and who I am is as unfathomable to them as they are to me. Being married mellows people, having children softens them, and then becoming a professor and wife changes who they are even more. I simply live in the shadows of dark dreams and memories and illness. I have little polish and little interest in it, if I can be a dark gentleman at times, even a negotiator (between other parties as I do not negotiate for my own sake often).

Now, to figure out what to do about this and that, to place a call, and to begin studying physics perhaps, in lieu of probabilities and statistics. If I were a swearing man, I would be. Good day.