It will not work.

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I hope you all had a Merry Christmas? I did. Simple, family oriented, and for the most part quiet. Few gifts were exchanged, but the gifts were sought and wanted. Talk, of course, fills the time and separates quiet times like eating fills the hunger. Food, as usual, was good and plentiful. Relatives, friends, and people I had not seen in some time were included. It was more like Christmas as I think it should be.

I had some difficulty sleeping at my Mom’s place. I think the way the place is set, the rooms are warmer than I can be comfortable in. I was glad to see her and I enjoyed most of the time. When our troubles became too much though, I left early. I see clearly that we cannot live together. So, I will begin looking for a place to move. Winter is a difficult time, but there might be some options that make it easier, if they are affordable. I will begin looking into Pod’s moving service, among others. Barring all else, I suppose a rental truck, a few pieces of equipment to allow a one man move, some phone calls, and a return flight might be the way to go. I have until April 1st, but I also need to pack and finish a few bits of business and work here.

My friend ended up not visiting on his way. He started a bit late, the roads were difficult, and I think he just wanted to… not need to negotiate… something. Perhaps I am too much like his father, a bit of a tyrant in a way, or something. I am positive he had overextended his driving. He had expected to drive too far in too little time and crashed short of his various goals. But I think some of that is pseudo subconscious yet somewhat thought out. That is fine though, I only suspect it because I find myself doing such mysterious oddities from time to time myself. When life gets a bit tough, we all tend to do what we need despite what we say. And, for real reasons. He may be back through on his way home. It depends on if he schedules well. Then again, like him, sometimes my scheduling skills are a bit weak. It is difficult to know for certain with some people, we keep some things close to our vest and remain as inscrutable as muddy waters. That is good too, if frustrating for those who do not understand.

I left on fairly bad terms with my mother. And though I will not be staying with her, or even more so because of that, I want to mend fences. She is a chain smoker, a bad nag, and too headstrong, but also her place is too small to store my stuff, I would only have a room and no garage, and the place is just too warm. Even more though, she says what she is paying is almost what I am paying here. I was hoping to pay a good 70 percent so she could stow up some cash, but for an insecure room and no garage in a small town, I will not do that. On top of that, I know she is a mooch. Oh, and she elevated my blood pressure by as much as 40 on the high score and 15 on the low (my blood pressure went from 180’ish over 120ish to 220/135, she would kill me in no time). Sorry, but that is the way of it. Even so, I do not wish to light out on bad terms. Especially since I know we will not see each other again for a very long time, if ever.

I am hoping to begin working out a bit too, as time and stress exhaustion (or whatever the cause) lifts. I think I will lift weights first, then try to get back to swimming. The weights I can do on my schedule, and perhaps lifting will put me back in shape to begin a functional schedule so that I am able to be to swimming at 6:00. I will have to be a bit careful with it with the blood pressure high again. But without medications I think nothing else will bring my blood pressure down or give me a chance at any kind of life. I think it was helping back when, on top of the functional medicine, it should be interesting to see if it can help on it’s own. As well, I would like to get the camera and darkroom equipment, plus the ‘Chinese calligraphy’ kit, and get going on those. Some things to get organized and started with. A few things to bide my time and expand my horizons. Oh, that and the physics work I am hoping to start as well. For probability and statics, I think I can go over what I have done and try and get a better grip on it. There was a lot of fat there that could and should be re-chewed in order to actually gain anything long lasting from the course.

That is that, for now. I am going to tinker until bedtime. I just arrived to the cave after a 5 hour drive through fog and wind. At least there was no ice or snow. Goodnight.