A nice morning.

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I woke at 7:00. I have been goofing this morning, waking up as I usually do... slowly. I need to begin making my plans. I need to figure out where I am going and what I am going to do. I need to decide how to get there, how much it will cost, and the best way to do it as economically as possible. I still have a few things I wish to buy, and a couple of things are still in the process of being procured. But the first two hours after waking up is not the time to be doing that exploring and decision making. As a fact, the only thing that first two hours is good for is getting my eyes to stay open and deciding if I need to use the lavatory or not (which I did, if you are curious).

By the way, I was able to tend the call to my Mom. I called her home while she was away. I left a message letting her know I made it home and am well. I was polite, and as always, told her I loved her. I know, in time, I will need to talk with her personally. For now, this will do. I cannot change the fact that we are the way we are and that we cannot live together. I cannot change some things. She should have known this. Even with my family and friends, business is business.

I may begin looking at areas on the internet. I might do some price checking. But I am not going to do a lot of heavy work until after New Years. As well, I will (probably) hold off packing a great deal until then as well. Little jobs might be done, but the major tasks will just have to wait. The same goes for all other local tasks I wish to accomplish. Those will wait until after the first. I need some down time, here in the cave. I need to relax and get my bearings. I need to settle with the notion that school is over, probably forever. I have to understand that I will probably never work, or be useful, in any significant way. I am retired.

Then again, I do not want to relax into oblivion, even for a short bit. I am going to have to keep on the surface, at least until I am working toward my move. Then I will have to ramp things up a bit. I will only be able to really rest, again, when I am finally moved wherever it is I end up. I have to watch things then, as well, though. That pit is too deep if I just drop and allow it. I will need to begin finding out about the land around me, some of the people, church, and a few other things. Some of these things will be researched before I go, yet research is nothing like reality quite often. I will have more than one option when I move, too. If one place does not work like I thought it would, I need to have a second and third option, right from the start. I am not willing to settle on lesser places. I am looking for a place to live the rest of my life. I want to be happy, comfortable, and safe.

Happiness, not being what most people seem to think, is a real quantity I am looking for. To me it is a deep sense of personal, moral, ethical, and social harmony. It comes from finding a place where, even if I do not fit, I can at least find a place within what is around me. I know now I will never actually fit anywhere. I do not fit with “intellectuals”, they are too often pansies. I do not fit with hicks, they live their own ways and are no more moral than the “intellectuals”. I do not fit with the freaks, the average, or the above or below average. If I am not necessarily singular, I am close enough. I understand I will not find a place and a people, I will merely find a place I can enjoy with people who can let well enough alone without isolating me either.

I am not sure what to do, at the moment. I have too much time and I am trying to take it easy until January. I can goof a bit, and enjoy that. But it does get boring. If the weather is still warm, I may head out and take a look around some of my favorite summer areas. It got to 50 F around here, after several weeks of a hard frozen world. I am not sure what it is today. I know I can gear up for up to -40 F (at least) though, so I should be good. Maybe tomorrow. I have not heard if my friend will be coming through or not. I have not heard a word from my lady friend. So, for now, I am on my own to do what I will. One thing for sure, I am hoping to regulate my sleeping and waking periods. So, my goal is to stay awake all day. Maybe I can begin going over some of my coursework.

I will figure it out. Have a good day.