The dreams seem to have passed.

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My body heals from the soreness. But exhaustion plagues me, and in the worst of ways. I seem to be able to function well enough, I just cannot do much due to the severe exhaustion. It seems, to me, like I suffering a disconnect with reality, like walking through a mental fog. However, I am able to do intellectual and physical activities and the results are good. My lady friend does not seem to notice that I have no idea what I am doing half of the time. I am able to do the most difficult things in the games I play (and yes, some of them are quite intellectually and logically demanding). I do not understand and I probably never will. I am sure others share my curse, but what use seeking others who have lost their earthly connections?

My mother will be arriving, she believes, in a week or so. She will be seeking a diagnosis for a difficulty, an infirmity, of her own. It seems her knuckles are swollen, she aches everywhere, and she too is now perpetually exhausted. They suspect she has rheumatoid arthritis. I do not believe that is at all curable and only slightly treatable. I am not sure if to hope that is what it is, so that there might be some help, or to hope it is something else curable or more treatable. I guess we get what we get and just deal with it. I do not expect much from her, and will try more to just allow her to have a comfortable place to stay while she is here. I will just have to hope I find away out of the fog and exhaustion long enough to get things done on my own, the rest of it anyway. I have to find a way to snap out of it.

If it is not much, I am able to do amazing things in the game I play. Defeating all the campaigns in a few weeks on a newly created character (campaigns are other games, full length (mostly), added to the original game). The game I play has 2 complete campaigns, plus the original game, and a shorter (if much harder) additional campaign (so, 4 campaigns, if that first is as clear as mud). I gained all of the elite skills and spells in five days, and I play in hard mode, including most missions, with only heroes and henchmen. I know the game quite well now, if there really is too much to know completely and all at once. I learn new things seemingly daily. Though it would seem that you could make friends in-game, the truth is because people are at such different levels of play ability, play at different times, and such, that is not quite as easy as it seems. Still, I know a few people, and am meeting a few more, if more than a few words occasionally is all that it yields. It beats being completely isolated.

The AK-47 I ordered is on it’s way. It should be here soon. I will have to go to the FFL and show my license to buy, and I will be set. I will pay it off this month. I think I will have to go without any purchases until a month or two after the move however, after this. That should give me enough to move, move-in, eat, and pay deposits, turn-on fees, and probably still be in good shape to begin saving for a new computer. I am hoping that two or three months after I am moved in, I can outright buy a new rig. Though, depending on how fast the communists implement their anti-gun crap, I might have to go for guns first. Another AK, another .45, and a .308 are on the list. They are all things that may be banned. I have enough magazines for 2, maybe even 3, AK’s, but I need more for the .45’s. And, of course, there is the ammo thing. Reloading supplies are a bust, so it will be expensive. I hate having to watch everything I do because of fear of the government.

I think it is nap time again. I seem to be gasping for sleep as soon as I wake up and dream of sleeping while I am “asleep”. I just cannot get sleep. It so reminds me of being in the river and wanting nothing but air. Instead of minutes, it is days and weeks and months and years I spend needing. I dream while I am awake, if I have learned to deal with that somewhat. I think most people who have this go absolutely mad. And, I understand that. I have just chosen not to let go, I have found things and people to anchor me. As tired as I am I cannot let go, will not, even when it seems the only thing to do or impossible not to let go. So, here I am, writing about it. Yeah, nap time. See you in a few.