A good few days.

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Though little was done, my house is cleaner and I am rested. My mother, in her way, allowed me to rest. She, as well, rested. Still, in her resting she did more than what I was able to do all week. I felt so guilty about not having things set well for her visit. She released that and we just enjoyed a quiet, restful time together. We argued very little, just the normal things. And, when I would get wrapped up in politics, this, or that, she would just let me ramble a bit then quietly change the subject. We both needed rest, food, and quiet company. And, we got it.

Her visit to the doctor was very successful, if too it wore her out and made her sore. The good news is she has a severe case of arthritis, which is imminently treatable! She will have a better life, and with a little care, some medication, and an understanding that she is not 20 (difficult for that woman to slow down!), she will do well. I know I had prayed for her, but I think God had been with her in any case. Still, it is good to know she will not need to suffer and become much less able over a short time.

The house is cleaner. As I said, in her rest, she does a great deal of work. I have put most of the new computer together. The printer remains unattached, as do the speakers. I am beginning to secure my accounts, games, and such. The first thing arranged on the machine was the router and security software. As well, with my understanding of things, my downloads will be scoured and only even initiated if necessary. Still, I know anyone online is at risk.

Bit by bit, it is all coming together. There is still so much to do and so little time. I am up late, tonight, as I was trying to get the computer working, my email function (there are still a few difficulties), and setting up some software which I prefer. I lost track of time and now I am very tired. Good! Being tired will allow me to sleep and soon.

My mother, seeing that I was still up at 2:00, decided to have some coffee, pack up, and leave early. She does have things to do. But I know that it is hurting her that I will be leaving. She feels abandoned, alone, and afraid. I wish I could offer her more than comforting words, but Iowa is a lost cause as a state, and I need to tend my soul for the last of my life. This is not my place. She has a place here, my lady friend has a place her, but I do not. I know I will be as alone as they are, maybe more so. I am more ready for that than they are. Such is the way of things, it always has been.

If I have a bit of a heavy heart at their sadness, I am feeling better in most ways and life is again good. Security of machine, restfulness of body, and the hope of a more sure social order in a state that seems to have some grip on rightness left to it’s people. I feel some sadness for them, and for something else. I cannot say for sure, but I think there is something far sadder on the horizon. Is it the end of free men, is it the loss of life in that struggle, or is it that time is coming to a close? I cannot say. Never fear though, sadness, even the great ones, are a part of what we are here to know. The spice of it will go in with the other good and bad sensations, the successes and the failures, and all the people I have known loved warred with and such. All these things not only teach me, but add to a depth and strength I will need, here or there, now or later.

If bitter, too, it is sweet. And yes, for sorrow also, I give no small thanks.

I apologize for rambling, I have had a long day and I have been awake too long to boot.

Good night. Or, is it good morning already?