If not perfectly...

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I have started to work. I am doing little jobs here and there. It is slow going as I try to sort both what to do and then all the little things that must be done with each project or area. I am trying to start slowly, as I know I can easily become overwhelmed, especially as working in one area finds me being forced to work in another area in order to the first area correctly. If it stopped there, I think I would be fine, but when it spider webs to a dozen other areas, I can run into real trouble.

Part of the reason I wanted discussion about autism, if I wrapped it around general illness, was because some of what is discussed about autism (also, as one person discussed it, extreme maleness) seems to hit home. I tend to be able to focus on some things extremely well, but when I am required to do too many things, I become dysfunctional to a degree. Too many pans on the stove and things in the oven and I lose all cohesion to the tasks at hand, and in a broader sense, to life in general.

No, I do not think I am autistic. I just see parallels. There are other things that are wrong with me, but there is not just one thing wrong, I think. I have tried to believe there is nothing wrong, and like the paraplegic who uses his arms to lift himself out of his wheel chair and then simply tries to walk, I too collapse in a pile. Since I have little else to do, and medical intervention has not worked, while my mind is still relatively good, I do think about what really is wrong.

Anyway, back to the projects. As I said, I am trying to take it a bit slower, at least for now. However, I am seeing that I can do work. I am seeing progress. And seeing those two may lead me to getting things done on time and well. I still give this over to prayer. I wish I could lay claim to this, but I think prayer both helped me to focus and reset my compass and allowed me to get back on track. Beyond, I am still easily finding time to do whatever else I need to do, such as laundry, cooking and other food preparation, blogging, and cleaning and upkeep.

I think my next goal is to get my days and nights back in order, to go to confession, and to figure out how to get back to church. I need to take control of my life again. I am, once again, becoming excited about the move. As I am seeing progress and beginning to believe I can do this in time on time, I am able to see what lies past the move. It is good. Well, back to work.