Tempation knocks.

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I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.

I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.

They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.

I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.

I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.

At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.

I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.

If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.

Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.