Game.

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After hearing this term batted back and forth, all this jazz about alphas, betas, and whatnot, and a very little reading (I was not really all that excited about it, just curious), I could not wrap my mind about what was being discussed, so I simply ignored the matter to a degree. And so it has been for some time. Then, recently, it came to me... That is what was used every time I had a dalliance. There is no trick to it, no magic, no... anything. It is what a man uses when he wants to get close to a woman, or quite often, how he tames a shrew. And, to some extent, are they not all shrews? It is part of their game, I suppose. Some play it up front, others play it mid game, some use it as end game strategy, I suppose others are shrewish off and on. I do not really know the strategy of women, it seemed quite irrelevant to my needs, purposes, goals, or the results to be honest.

It does seem as though someone has spent a great deal of time turning what any experienced, half-sharp, typical boy then man will figure out on his own. I have to wonder how pencil-necked the author must be. Even if his strategy works for him, I have to think that it is the only strategy which would. I could be wrong, but I would have to find out better to believe. And, as usual, I would still be somewhat suspicious. Turning the art and aggression of romance into chess just does not cut it. Too much is missing, more so since the stated ends of most of the "gurus" of Game is merely sex.

So, after all this time about wondering what this thing is, I realize, I have known it my whole life. Or, since I was about 5. That is when I "seduced" my first lover. Neither of us new a thing, but I did get it done. If too, I had no clue at the time what 'done' meant, only that I could not bring myself to quit until it was, until years later. Three or four years after that, I began having more regular sex and finally understood. Ah, orgasm.

It was in my early 20's when I decided that Game was not right. Well, perhaps how I was using Game was the thing that was incorrect, if I did not understand that at the time. It seems that we must age, try, fail, and experience in order to grow and learn. Still, at that point, I decided to change my whole approach. I would be kind, I would be attentive, I would... it failed. It failed miserably. No, I still had love(rs). But being a bad dog was the nature of the beast, and I did not know how to undo that. Perhaps at that age with the rearing I had, that was as good as I was capable of doing. Perhaps too, I simply did not understand enough to fundamentally change either my use of Game, definitely not the main other variable (women), nor the circumstances of social disconnect with sexual amoral attitudes and allowances. Even a stint being celibate did not fix the problem. I kept trying, and failing, ending up in my own doghouse of shame in spite of having no difficulty finding, keeping, ditching, or even having multiple love(r)s.

It has only been in the last 10 years that I came to understand a few more things which would allow me to rearrange my life a bit. I realized that the ends I was getting were not the ends I was looking to obtain. However, I realized too that the means, generally, had nothing to do with the outcome. Game, by itself, is the only functional manner in which to find a mate, whether temporary or long term. So, I had to ask, what was my problem. Other variables, of course. Choosing women who could not or would not be viable long term loves or lovers (more or less on that last... digging up bones was an occasional habit back then). As well, having no clear cut idea of what I wanted with a woman (the classic... dog chases car every day for weeks, one day he catches it... then what?). Beyond, I did not know if I even wanted a family.

Time to make some decisions. My last love(r), my current lady friend, was the last of my mistakes. Friend? Sure, give or take, and for my part. I can never trust her with anything significant, there is something fundamentally wrong with her. After her, I became celibate again, and attempt to keep that as close to a vow as I am humanly possible. In this state, I have been considering what I want with a woman, whether I want a family, and how to achieve those things.

Game, as I have suggested, as brutal as it is, is the only method. It creates a hunger in her, it develops some of the natural antagonism needed for a partnership (call it the emotion aus jus of love, romance, and that sort of thing). It also creates a hierarchy in the relationship. It is part of our animal inheritance, I should guess. I have decided I want a woman for more than sex. As fascinating of creatures as they are sexually, there has always seemed more too them, if I have never understood that (and realize I probably never will). Still, I do not have to understand women fully to fully engage them as whole beings. They have so much to offer. Being as often wrong as right, like us, melding the minds to a degree can come up with better options (in certain areas... out of my computer, woman!). A bit more, I do want a family. Children, that is, along with a wife.

Time is growing late. Oh, I could live to twice my current age and more. But do I really want to be a 90 year old father? Or a 70 year old father. Heck, if I start now, I will just push them out of the door before I hit my mid-sixties. Still, I suppose, I do have some time. Now, though, it is time to seriously begin looking. I am not sure how deep or wide the pool of women is here. But I do know I will be looking, using Game, winnowing a good bit, and may well come up with a wife. Children? As with all things, this too is in His hands.

As with many changes planned and being actuated, this is becoming more real every day. This search will take place. A wife, children, as I said, knowing whether or not either will be found or produced is not within my perview. All I can do is go out and beat the street, knock on doors, and try to tame my own shrew. What a change, and yet such little changes compared to what I thought was needed. I suppose, too, even in this and back then, I think God was guiding. If nothing else through the gift of conscience. I bowed to it and Him and here I am, looking for a second master in the form of a mistress. Go figure. It is, indeed, His plan.

Good night, Uncle Bobby. I will say a prayer for the deliverance and rest of your soul tonight.