Some things, some not.

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I have finally located Vox's book and one of my knot tying manuals. However, I found the wrong manual. So, back to looking. It is odd that such a simple task could take so long. I have yet to get to work cleaning. Dishes set, the floor still needs swept and mopped, and the vacuum cleaner glares at me when I happen to notice. I will probably get some of that done yet tonight, maybe all of it.

Sleep and wakefulness continue to plague me. I am, as I said, staying up a good 14 to 18 hours per day, it is just that my day has slid. I think it has been through staying up longer rather than sleeping longer, which is also a good thing. I might start tracking my sleep and waking time to be sure, though I am pretty sure that is the case. Doctors have suggested that before, though back then I had no capacity to do so. I would go through periods where, if I would wake up for spells, I was never fully awake. Days, weeks, months, and at times longer periods of time drifted into one long nothingness. I am doing better.

I watched the Return of the King tonight. Watching it this time, I realized some things. When the hobbits, the ones which were a part of the fellowship, returned home, they were alone together in a sea of people who had no idea and who wanted no part of knowing. Every veteran who has risked life and limb knows this. Some, like Frodo, bear scars for life. The others carry with them memories of the reality of things. None of them would wish to give what they have received in knowledge to their nominal fellow hobbits. And yet, what to do with what they have, what they know, who they have become, and what they have learned about the rest of the world. What has been unpacked for them of the world cannot go back into the box from whence it came. That is a dilemma all who venture forth must face. I hope to follow Samwise's path, as I may. A little late, some might say. Knowing what I do, it is never too late.

Yes, for whatever reason I bear terrible scars. I have, over the years, learned to minimize those scars, with the help of psychiatry and a lot of soul searching. I have, for the most part, put away my weapons. Oddly, it is easier to do that bearing weapons... and choosing to live in peaceably armed country with fellow free men. I have worried that the content of who I am might 'contaminate' my children. That I might be too harsh, perhaps even for a woman, a wife. I think, now, at this time, that I can be strong enough for my understandings and gentle enough to flavor any fruit and woman with a kindness and direction which would be healthy. It is, if strange, my 'pets' who tell me this. And you thought felines could not talk!

I best get to things. I would like to finish a few things up and try to be to bed before too long. Wish me luck?

Good night, Angela. You are a twit, but a cute one. :p

Update: Bah! I looked everywhere I could think for the knot tying book. It must be in one of the incidental boxes or in a box not with the main group. I did find other things, books and a few pieces of kit, but not the one I was looking for. I ended up doing nothing but looking. Oh well. And it, again, is very late. Fluff and spatz.