Backing off.

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I will still be trying to use time as I may, to do what I can when I can, but I have to back off again for a bit. Nothing has been accomplished in the realm of schedule control. What is worse, each seeming step forward leads to a more complicated inextricable seeming dilemma. I find myself, at 20:00, just becoming functional today. My headaches are back. Actually, they have been back for a bit, I simply did not notice them until I began a theory testing dose of aspirin. I have been in pain for a while but was too desensitized to notice. I thought people who forgot to eat were absolute fools. It hurt to realize I was a fool. How much worse someone who does not know they are in severe pain? Oh well.

Simple things like laundry and dishes have become oddities. It is as if my mind does not recognize the need and my body has forgotten how to deal in things of the flesh. I can, and do, think. I do have functional memory within my thinking. As for time, however, I have completely lost track of how that works, what it means, notions of it passing, or what time or date it is regardless of how many times I look at my clock or the calender.

Pressure has not helped. Financial order has not helped. I had hoped pushing would do some good, it has not. I had hoped as my finances realigned on payday that I would begin being able to lift myself out of some of the mire. That has not transpired. I am not sure what to do at this point. I am taking another little break and just "living". Though I am certainly not happy with that, it is what I have and I will live with it. On the good side, as I have mentioned, I am doing far better in my severe low than I have ever done before. I am aware. I have functional memory. At times I can push. My thinking, I think(?), is rather clear.

You, dear reader, can help me significantly here. Your sanity may be questionable, as all of ours should be. However, you do have the capacity to understand what you understand, see patterns, and form opinions. What I need from you is an assessment. Has my writing been... cohesive, logical (within my political beliefs), seemingly consistent, and well written (given my lack of true skills, or skill level, or such)? You can help me to know a bit better where I am.

Anyway, back to... the nether. Later.