The list.

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The list grows and options become difficult. Branches need to be cut, a washing machine needs to be purchased, laundry awaits, a new roof needs to be installed on the hen house, a window needs to be purchased and installed, branches and materials need to be removed and somehow disposed, plane tickets need to be purchased, and of course the house needs to be cleaned.

Most of those purchases, chores, and combinations are multiple step items. For example, installing the roof requires a removal of materials and a tearing down of the old roof. If the wasps still are not dead after three or four attempts, that too will have to be finished before the teardown can move forward. All of the items, save cleaning my home, I think, will cost money. The roofing material has been purchased, but renting some sort of disposal container is still out there, and at this time an unknown cost. Many of those jobs require skills I simply do not have at this point, so many of them will be sheer will, the use of whatever common sense through ignorance, and brute force.

Beside my natural illness, which holds me back, the volume of needs is a bit overwhelming. Beyond that, I know of other tasks which simply have not made it to the list but are simmering on another waiting list of items, such as filling and resurfacing my driveway.

I am pretty sure I could do a whip job on much of it, making it all look good (enough), and calling it done. I also know what poor work quality and simply covering holes and problems does. Since I plan to live here for some real time, that is not an option. Simply doing nothing is actually better. Why? Because it costs nothing, does not hide the problems, and will not require double the work of removing then refitting the real solution should I ever get to it.

No one said it would be easy, or cheap. But I did not think it would be quite this bad. I have to guess that most home owners come to a similar understanding, or grew up knowing it. It is the difference between homeowners and the have nots. Homeowners realize that the world, even their own personal world, is fraught with doubts, problems, compromises, and dangers. There are always things to be fixed, there are always ways to improve upon what exists, and that perfection cannot really be attained. The have nots simply do not understand what it takes. Many people in history have wondered at the great castles, keeps, and homes. Not the owners, save those who live in a part of their portfolio wherein the maintenance costs are calculated into their capital and all the work is performed by contractors while the owner is at one of his other villas. Few are those.

I, of course, will stay. Wise? Who knows. It is my notion that, to ever gain access to more than a peasants way of life, one has to sacrifice. Since I still hope to become a family man, this home is as much a part of my chosen life as it is about teaching any potential children about the real rigors of owning and leaving them something, small as it is, for their use or sale. If too, in honesty, I plan to give most of what I have to a potential eldest son, which may not technically be "legal" so it will have to be done before I die. It is amazing to realize the state has crushed the will of people, even to whom they may will their goods and wealth.

By all of the legal changes regarding estates and wills, by regulating even simple business models into the ground, through taxation and fines, our government has broken the ability to create lines of wealth and prosperity through insuring that those who will do not have the means except through graft and bribes and other people's money. It is an amazing time we live in. It is an amazingly evil time we live in. Then again, not even are your children your own. We are indeed socialist.