My uncle.

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I remembered, while waking up this morning, one of my uncles. He was, I suppose, my favorite uncle. Perhaps I had more to do with him when I was younger, perhaps I liked his toys and notions, or maybe he just filled in for a father when I did not have one. Whatever is the truth, however truth is measured by hormone driven emotional beings, is not absolutely knowable or important so long as it is a genuine understanding I suppose.

I remember him as a pretty straight shooter. He told it as he saw it, though sometimes he saw that saying something probably was not the best way to go. Though too, just as often as not he decided to say it anyway or did not notice he was going into uncharted territory. He was a strong man, a bench press competitor and arm wrestling champ at one time too. I suspect he brawled from time to time in his youth as well, if that was not discussed. I was a fighter, I know my kind. He was not a fearful man, and certainly not henpecked. Though I think he realized having a good woman around was worth a few "yes dears", at least after his first divorce, and had a good notion of when to drop those, and about what. He was not a rock star, a hero, or superman. But he was a little larger than life, and projected that. Due to being a rather powerful man, having moods, and pushing the edges, I certainly held a respectful fear of him.

I realized this morning... I am him. No, not exactly or specifically. But I am the same genus within the species that is man that he was. Disabled and all, this type of men just are what we are. I am not sure if this is good or bad, though I prefer it. I have seen the worms, the henpecked, the sour nerds. I have seen the devoted, the well heeled or otherwise trained, the powerful. I am just a common canus humanus americanus. I suppose we are about a fifth or so of the American male population, perhaps less.

I actually realized that the last time I saw him... he was a rash young man, of 40. Ha! It is good to realize what shoes I wear. Sometimes they fit oddly, sometimes I do not like being in them, but for the most part I am good with this. One other thing I learned from him was that, no matter were you are in your life or what shoes you happen to be a best fit for, you still have to go from where you are right now to were you will be or want to be one step at a time. You may never get there. As well, you will be tested. You will fail here, you will succeed there. Yesterday's test was, well, yesterday.

I do not know why, but I feel much better for the notions. I am going to get going, get some clothes together for washing, grab a few guns, and go shooting, shopping, and to the laundromat today. No, I still have not gotten into the washing machine yet! Bah! Barring that, I will do this. One way or another I must move forward as I can. Only how is up to me, within my given limits. So, forward it is. Later.