I simply could not do much today.

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Most of the day was spent recovering from doing so much recently. I had nothing to give and could not push past it. Getting hungry though, I did order a pizza and go pick it up. I also found a message on my phone. A neighbor had called around to see if anyone was having basement flooding problems and offering to help if so, and he asked for volunteers to fill sandbags. I called him back, thanked him for calling (I think) and told him that I was having no flooding. I then asked about the sandbag job and he gave me another man's phone number. Calling there I was told that it is just a possibilities list. If they need, this weekend, they will call people on the list.

While my lungs may be problematic, I am trying to simply work through it. I believe, if I don't rush and push in extreme, I can probably help out. Perhaps, too, the antibiotics will kick in by then. It would be a chance to meet some of the locals in a neutral setting where socializing is a side issue as well. In any case, I am now on the list. Now, while I would like to be helpful, I honestly hope this doesn't come to pass. From what I have seen, sandbagging is pretty much a way to work with hope in a hopeless cause. The few times I have seen it "work" it worked because it wasn't needed. Then again, maybe I am wrong. There is a strong chance of heavy flooding in some parts. I don't think my area is actually threatened even if the damn burst at full depth. If I flood, the world is in trouble. I... think.

Oh, I received a call saying my doctor wants more blood work Friday. Something about potassium, again. I have told him I can't and won't take potassium regularly because I do not eat regularly. If I ate daily I would take these meds daily. Without food in the stomach taking potassium is a rude thing. As is, and again, given what they can or will do, I consider myself on palliative care and wish they would stick with the program. I almost wonder, as passive-aggressive as they are, if they are not merely pushing so darned hard merely to try and convince me not to take the medicines. But, why? Since I am already not taking them and won't? (Just... working through potential things in my head, pay no too serious of a mind.) They know my answer, more talking will not do anything to change my mind. Thankfully they can't force me to take medicines though. Because I honestly think, if their push is not passive-aggressive counter-thought, if they could they would have me arrested and force the medication. Not just at the V.A., either. Civilian doctors are just as freaky.

Here is my thing though. If my condition is so damn bad, why not go a bit out on a limb and offer what I have suggested and then allow that to settle for a while? If I am sure to die, I mean absolutely, then why not do that one thing? Something is really weird. Why the push to save me in the first place, I have wondered? And why do they want me normal? Is normal blood pressure and stats to them what following Christ is to me? But in the true secularism of medicine is the notion that those who are unfit should die sort of a truth? Hitler, Stalin, Sanger, and many others pushed this, and further extended normal into other than health issues. I am abnormal on dozens of counts, I am easily due death for the secular crime of being different. I guess I do not get what these doctors are doing (or in my more... doubtful thinking... what they are up to). Actually, I am surprised they haven't tried to kill me. Or, is that what they really are doing?

As for me, I don't really want to die but I can't take the medicine. I definitely do not want to be killed, either. I don't think I am the crazy one, on this matter. Just as some end up not being able to tolerate other medicines, chemo, or some procedures, I simply cannot tolerate the toxins they are trying to shove at me and I have started doubting them for the pressure. I don't care if I am the only one these affect this way, it really does incapacitate me further than I can consciously deal with (and I doubt, highly, that I am the only one). But why the ten-court-length-full-court-press to get me to take this stuff? Something just doesn't add up. I have no faith in them. *sigh*

I do hope to get out tomorrow for business, shopping, and maybe more. Friday is another day of travel, for blood work. The weekend might be busy too. I am not sure when I will get the reloader together, but it might happen tonight yet. I just... don't... know. Oh, I can't wear my watch for a while. When the nurse tried to put in the IV connection in the right wrist it blew out. She then had to put it in the left wrist. Now both are a bit tender. I hate not wearing my watch. It isn't jewelry, it is... a part of my arm almost anymore. And I miss it. *sigh/grump*

Later, or more hopefully, good night.