I may have figured something out.

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While trying to not skate on the ice of my pseudo mania, and not really getting it, I thought I might as well go forward with some things. I started packing my day pack. I still need to find one of my compasses and buy a topo-map for several areas hereabouts. And I will have to figure out how to pack things in just right. But I have the essence of what I want in the pack, I have much of it collected, and I am currently trying to figure out how to arrange it. Part of my problem is my size. Any spare clothes I might want to take use large amounts of space, even the high tech long sleeved shirt versus a sweatshirt, and thermal long underwear in case I get tired and need a nap and end up in Coldsville on the side of a mountain. Perhaps I should use my bigger bag? I am trying to make due with a rather light and small daypack (typical size). Anyway, one other thing I had meant to get to was wearing my vest weight. So I got that out and started tinkering. I started with twenty five pounds (two rows) and had to chuckle. I added another row of weights and that wasn't quite it either. One more row, so technically to fifty pounds, and I can finally feel it. There are three rows of 5 x 2.5lb weight holders front and back, plus another set I can strap on if I get to that point, for a total possible of 100 pounds. I ain't this pretty, but this is what the vest looks like.



In any case, what I am finding is that the weight kicks the mania right out of me. It uses up that spare energy. While I might get used to it a bit, my guess is that when or if I get up to a hundred pounds, I won't have much room to bounce off the walls. Not that I do that, literally or figuratively. I just have more acceleration than I have break. Actually, I have taken a number of bipolar tests recently. Okay, fine, I just wanted to... take another look. I ended up with about half the score needed in most cases, or less. The one that seemed the most on-target was this one. I scored an 11 on their test, taken honestly since no one else was watching. In any case, the weights will wear me out and keep my feet a bit more on the ground.

You know, for being half dead, I seem to be doing alright. I am starting to think that half the reason I remain "depressed", or even more dysfunctional, is I have been, and wrongly if I truly am not bipolar, told to suppress my up side. Of course, even if I am not bipolar, I seem to have a minor glitch with gearing up and shutting down on queue. I will work with trying not to encourage the 'down side' and figure out how to let my horses run until they wear themselves out constructively on the up side. I was a bit surprised at the fifty pounds I can wear with the vest though. It will either kill me or make me stronger, heart and all?

The only thing that worries me just a tadge... the damned thing does look like a bomb vest or body armor, both of which might cause people to... call the police. Oh well, one or two chats and they would leave me be. We have at least two sheriffs living in town, so... I don't see any real long-term problem. As long as I stay out of Logan with it. No jogging with them, not for me. But flat walks, you bet. Uhrm, no biking, though, either. Talk about top heavy! *splat* Later.