Sleep was fantastic.

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When I have to gear up to ignore my current sleep cycle, usually it isn't too much of a problem.  From time to time, though, it is a huge issue.  Sometimes I can't do it.  Sometimes I don't even have a cycle.  I just drift, without rhythm or a means of amending when I sleep or wake.  Alarms are useless.  Having a woman, a wife type, living in my home, does seem to help a lot.  But she can act as either pole of the magnet, me being the another pole, depending on how rational she is and which part of that I am able to deal with at the moment.  Yeah, women do stabilize my sleep, usually bringing me to days.  My hiccups with a woman are usually quite short term.  I have been getting much better this way on my own.  I honestly am curious how much a woman would help regulate sleep now.

I saw a fellow recently.  Wheelchair bound, he had no arms or legs.  He also had a beautiful wife.  If he had met her after whatever took that part of his life away, I could see it turning out good... a better chance anyway.  But not in his case.  I do think about that.  The difference is I am mobile, intelligent, mindful even if simply subconsciously at times, I see into the dark of minds I know as easily as others see their lawn in broad daylight, and do frighten potential suitors.  I've had more than one of my women tell me that when I visited her workplace that ended advances by coworkers.  Some of the women were pleased with it, some were not.  Wasn't my goal but I was quite happy.  I move and negotiate new acquaintances and my surroundings, if they are hostile like most cities are, like a warrior, a killer.  People who know recognize my sort right off.  Any doubt is allayed by a handshake.  I honestly have a world class strength in my hands.

Oh, it isn't just sleep being off.  Everything is a bit off.  I am not sleeping as long or deeply, and I am awake much longer.  It sure beats last summer though.  And, yeah, I am chalking it up to summer heat and light.  Finally.  I simply have limits.  I am seeing the boundaries of those like never before, understanding how simple some of it is.  More or less light and heat and I simple buckle a bit.  I can still do, but as I have suggested, if either the mind or the body fail I can drift for a bit.  If it is the body, a more rare occurrence and from doing too much, a bit of rest will fix that.  If it is of the mind however, little can be done without an outside influence to guide.  It's just the way it works.

I tell you though, God must really want me here.  Most won't survive the constant crippling effects of body and mind or the humility of it, the brutally painful starvation periods I used to go through, the health issues of mind and body, such as confusion, loss of time scales, and things.  Flesh wasn't really supposed to endure this.  It is why, when I committed suicide, I was in purgatory and not hell.  God knew what others can't.  One might say purgatory was a hell of a gift, though, too.  It was part of the key that brought me to the light, if in time.  Who wants to believe in fairy tales?  Oh, I believed before that, but not quite for real, or particularly in purgatory.  Now?  I have no doubts.  I also have less doubts about God.  Or His grace and love actually, and forgiveness.  Nor do I doubt hell and that many will indeed go there, if I realize that isn't from a vengeful God, it is a simple choice.  In the end, for those who want to do what they do, and further reject that as a wrong in spite of truth...  God allows all but the love of sin.  Sin?  Washed.  Love of sin is a choice and He won't amend that, we have to choose.  It's too much for some minds to grasp, some souls to let go of wrong, some people simply think absolutes are too much while often trying their hardest to impose the absolutes of dissolution oddly, which... never works.  Never mind.

Mind is just working through a few things as I wake.  Later.