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I can't seem to get grounded. My "naps" are running at seven hours or more, as is my sleep. Sometimes, usually, I sleep the middle part of the day and still go to bed at night, but not always. Taking medicine will sometimes cause me to need to go right back in for sleep, right up until they don't allow me to sleep until very late or not at all such as last night. The alarm clock, is, as has been noted, attempted and found to be useless. At least I hear it, but that just may end up troubling my sleep so as to end up requiring even more sleep to try to sooth that over. Been here, done this, and just not long ago. I hate grinding over ground I just covered. I lost my grip on medicine though. It wasn't a willful disregard. The flesh can only take just so much sometimes.
I got a call from the medical claim people. They want me to get some claim from the V.A. I can see where this is going... nowhere. I will call the V.A., see who I need to speak with, see what they have to say, and call the other people back. Been here, done this, and to no good ends already and before. It looks like the V.A. is refusing to pay and the debt collectors are refusing to ask. It's a lot like when your mom and dad aren't talking, but you need them to agree to something. Neither side will relent, most likely, and the debt will remain unpaid and on my credit report. I'll call, again. And I expect exactly what has happened before.
As it turns out, the V.A. didn't pay for a single visit to the ER, in spite of sending me... preapproving... two of the cases. One of the times a V.A. nurse ordered me in, in spite of my objections. The other time I was going in and out of shock, so didn't seek preapproval as staying conscious while driving to the hospital was about the only trick I could pull out of my hat. Oh, yeah! The medical laws now on the books may see you finding out just how good having the government and bureaucrats run your medical care is! Wait until no one will pay for anything, even though it is required, and you can't get loan adjustments and such because you have "bad credit". The only reason I was able to get an adjustment on my V.A. load was because they knew I was 100%, so shouldn't have medical bills. Doesn't work on my car loan or I would have tried.
I set the haiku post to run at noon. It didn't. Google has it so that everything is two hours behind, I think. I have tried to monkey with time zones, but they know what time zone I am in. My guess is that this is a way to suppress data, even erase it. I am not sure if they can undo 'data captures', or yet, but my guess is they are working on that if they don't have it yet. They want to be able to shut down information sharing if they decide to do so, and this is just one means of doing so. A stop gap, if it is a local thing, so as to not have to pull the plug on the whole internet. Just a guess.
Hmm, a bit more coffee, then some phone calls. Later.
With my arthritis I find I have to schedule sleep for those moments when the pain is at a minimum, so I've been "napping" whenever opportunity allows.
ReplyDeleteOne of my medications claims drowsiness as a side effect. Were that it was so, or were that the effect was much more severe. I spent quite a bit of my waking time in a state of semi-drowsiness, but cannot ignore the pain enough to sleep like regular people do.
My dad had severe arthritis toward the end of his life, and was on hydrocodone, morphine and one other pain med that I forget. His days consisted of periods of wakefulness that progressed from briefly relatively pain free, through increasing pain until re-dose time, through brief pain-free again until sleep overtook him, then upon waking he'd start the brief pain-free period again.
ReplyDeleteWas the shits.
Then he died of leukemia.
More of a relief than anything for him.
It angers me that heroin is not available as an alternative for chronic pain management, as it does not create the sleepiness that morphine does. All because of some addicts, it is not available to legitimate patients that would benefit...
Michael,
ReplyDeleteDo you ever have good days? I go through crippling pain once in a while, and for periods if I try to maintain a conscious association with the world at certain times, but I can escape it if I want to shut things down for a bit and go deep. But I will lose months if I do that. I can't quite wrap my head around constant pain. My brother has it from his back, surgery helped little, two vertebra replaced and one rebuilt or some such. Nerves damaged beyond repair. But that isn't me and I only see that constant suffering from the outside.
Desert Cat,
I actually fear medical these days. The first and about only thing they ask, with seemingly any seriousness, is if I am in pain. Unlike what I did with psychology, eventually giving in to them, I won't do that with medical. Even on the days when I am in grotesque amounts of it, I say I am fine. Don't trust them. Not on pain, or what they do with people in lots of it. When my ribs were bruised, and I had pain breathing for months, I only ever took three pills or so, in the early days, and had asked for the weakest stuff they would give in that situation.
Then again my native pain is occasional. I couldn't imagine chronic. I have seen that in people's, like my brother's eyes. Now, I think I have something below my threshold of senses, often. But that is different, and even that isn't constant I don't think. And it isn't just pain, high bp acts oddly on a guy, as does high blood sugar when that happens.
@Desert Cat --- I would sort of shy away from taking heroin except for possibly the reason that it would give me connectivity with many famous authors, Lou Reed, etc.
ReplyDelete@Doom --- Believe it or not my days were worse before I was on medication. I could hardly bend or do anything.
In order to make my arthritis manageable these days I have to take drugs which tear down my immune system (the cause of my condition). The pain's still with me but I can at least move around. For me a "Good Day" is when I can get some writing done. If I can accomplish that then anything else is cake.
Michael,
ReplyDeleteUsually, even when in serious pain, like when I cut the meat off one finger so observably should be in pain, I don't feel it. I am not sure what I have would help you, as I think it is a heavier body-made drug than what they can offer you. And... it can send you adrift for months. With a wife, it might be easier though, as you wouldn't go through fits of starvation. After 25 years, and some tending of my heart, I am just now beginning to be able to stay conscious through it. But the natural painkiller is as disabling as the underlying causes, I think.
Bruised ribs to sliced finger or hand, and I only ever used a few pain pills. Pain pills don't, generally, help me, but they can make my body even more floaty. A feeling I absolutely despise.
Desert Cat,
Actually, I was going to show you my left index finger, the one that Daisy suggested would need physical therapy, the one I cut the meat off the bone? I bet you didn't see any problem with it, or even notice?