Women on the mind.

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Reading at Vox's off blog, noticing he put it now on his main page, advice for a new groom.  I commented on the first of the postings, suggested I believed he had become soft from the ceremonies.  I do not believe he was offering... advice that is more than just saying, "Glad you are wed, now good luck and play nice".  Fine, for what it is, but not solid advice.  In my opinion.  And I noted the mistake that bothered me the most, as I see things.  Or at least what I believed to be the first mistake.  Not sure I read too much after that, actually.  I was disappointed.

Oh, I know.  I must sound like a horrid man to be involved with.  An ogre, a misogynist, a patriarch.  Not that these things aren't true, mind you, to a certain set of people, or within certain parameters.  If most who would label me as such I call fools, you may call them what you like.  I do, and always have, ruled my roost.  With a woman, without, matters not a bit.  I am dominant in my spheres.  That doesn't mean I am the hardest man women have ever known.  Nor actually simply hard.  Solid, I think, is what I heard most often.  And... that was usually appreciated by the ladies I have known.  Am I always right?  Not always, but we had to start from who did what, and is what, before we could go on further.  I don't have to be right to be dominant.  I am dominant.  Start from the start.

Once a woman understood this, then negotiations and corrections could be considered.  Sometimes what they wanted, right as it was, wasn't possible.  Often a woman wants perfections that aren't attainable within a budget.  Or they want stuff we can't maintain, too complicated.  There are many reasons why "right" isn't always right, or attainable.  I have to lead them back to who has authority, then lead them back through to the problem.  Sometimes that took several trips back and forth.  I was, generally, gentle.  It quite depended on her.  At some point, I would, eventually, help her understand what would be lost in order to get her version of "right" installed, set up, functioning, or bought.  That is when negotiations can begin.  Once she has come to reason and left behind feelings, which is why I take authority as a general rule. 

While my advice seems draconian, and it is, have no doubts that few of my women would ever actually call me that.  Few times, save the last, did I ever even raise my voice.  Usually, if I wanted her undivided attention, I nearly whispered.  If the conversation wasn't going well, I would postpone it.  Not now, I would suggest, and mean it.  Never physical, save I would guess three spankings brought about by a woman thinking that punching an ogre was a good idea at the time.  Out of as many lovers as I have known, three ain't bad, I'll tell you.  I do have a way with women.


Yeah, I'm not nice.  No doubt.  I am a lord, and I would suggest that I am a masterful one.  I do rule.  Period.  But I have been easy enough in my ministrations that women have had no trouble loving me, and many of them still do to this day.  Some of them might be a little... angry.  But from being left, not from being dominated.  I have women I went to in high school who still have crushes on me, good ones.  I have one who remembered me from the third grade.  Doe eyes, she had, when meeting me again.  Hard, harsh, masterful, but not as brutal as it might seem.  Just... clearing some air.

And suggesting you don't turn the corner every time your wife says she is right, even if she is.  Sometimes wrong is right, for many reasons.  Don't go off that cliff, lad.  Just... don't.  You are the man, and if not right, you should know why.  And, once in a while, teach.  But don't be going begging forgiveness every time you are wrong, especially if you have really thought, and worked, it through, already, as a couple.  You'll hang yourself, and your marriage, with doubt.  It's like cooking a rat, going that way.  Hot pan, don't crowd it, turn often, then expect little food sustenance, a lot of stink, and a short meal to boot.  Don't go there.