Ever feel like a floating object in a tornado?

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It could be worse.  A non-floaty thing, like a people or a car, in a tornado, is actually worse... for the object.  As is, it is more similar to being, say, a feather lost in a storm.  Even when I land, I don't stay down for long.  When I am airborne, I go up and down, and can't quite get free of the forces in play.  I couldn't sleep until midnight.  While not a horrible time, it isn't what I had planned or hoped.  I set the alarm for 10:00 but woke a bit after 8:00.  All good.  I will probably need a nap by noon, perhaps a second nap though second naps are actually pretty rare.

I am not feeling up to it, but I am, again, setting some goals.  Starting the last of the dishes, figuring out the baskets of unfolded laundry.  I am not going to do more laundry until I have some free baskets!  Bleh.  Oh, and maybe cooking something... anything. 

I finally actually received a call about the men's meeting yesterday.  But there was no way I could make it.  I did nap yesterday, which normally will help.  But naps haven't been helping, mostly, for a long time.  They are merely stop-gaps to help me maintain a daytime schedule.  They don't refresh.  Sleeping at night doesn't invigorate either.  I have been doing good to move around every few hours.  That... is my life, for now.  I have been, every third to fifth night, skipping night medicine.  While not perfect, like napping, it has eased the strain of medications just a bit.  Medicine is simply beating me in the face and leaving me for half-dead.  I am keeping the cheating to very limited, controlled, precise, spots, and only when I think I can't take the lash even one more time, for the moment. 

Never mind.  I have some goals, I have a fallback position.  If I have nothing else, and get to nothing but keeping days in line, I will be satisfied.  I'll keep trying.  I do know that, in not too many weeks, I will be in the clear again.  I have been through this before.  I don't know if it is winter making it worse, or just having to start medicines up from clean, that is wiping my ticket.  I have done well, maintaining consciousness, effort, and even being successful in doing some things.  This is honestly the best severe drop I have ever had.  It has also hurt the most, because I didn't allow myself to collapse into it.  At times, when I am solid on medication, I can drop it for a few days, and that helps.  But not in this situation.  It is too tenuous.  I have to keep going until I am over this mountain... and well past it... before I can tinker that way.  Trust me, even now I know what I am doing better than any physician could.  I know what is being sought.  Much like weight lifting, when I can do it, I know what the burn is and how to get it, and when I have done enough that I can skip a session for better results.

Later.