I tried.

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Down by 21:00, up by 4:30.  The alarm had been going off since 4:00 though.  A bit of breakfast, a shower, then I fed the girls.  I took my medicine, brushed my teeth for the thing and put the tooth brush and paste in a sack to go, for a refresher there.  I then got my phone.  But I was moving so slowly.  I clipped my fingernails, and looked at the time.  Too late.  I would not have made it in time.  Where did the time go!?!  I'll call at 7:30, to reschedule.  Hopefully for later in the day.  In good weather, leaving at 5:30 would be fine.  And, while the roads are, probably, clear, I don't know about fog.  Last I heard, fog is a problem.  Snow doesn't bug me, if ice does.  But fog scares me, especially on a timed circuit.  I did what I could.

Dreams.  Of my foster family.  I remember that well, as with most aspects of my youth.  My mother was on the edge between when women were daughters of Eve and when they were becoming daughters of Lilith.  She acted as a daughter of Eve but was taking on the spirit of Lilith.  She despised me, and loved me, in the ways of both.  Hating my hyper masculine nature, even so, both types of women are subject to it.  Lilith only maintained her created equality by fleeing, because in man's presence, she too will fall to it.  The hate was visceral, almost tangible, but even at that age... manageable for one such as I.  She obeyed.  Her love and her hate divides her, as does her flesh and spirit.

Most women, today, are Lilithian.  It matters not, not in my presence.  The ones who bother to hate on me for my nature are crushed and called stupid, even by their own though.  I don't fully understand that.  I don't worry about it too much either.  I once had an opportunity to marry a woman.  But it wasn't, truly, her choice.  I let her go.  I didn't have to.  But the only true power a woman ever has in this life is... yes or no.  She gets that choice exactly once.  Whether it be her hand or just her body, once given, her choice is lost.  No matter what else she does after that.  I would not take the only thing women ever get.  I don't know how things end, always, or the rest of the story.  I just know that taking the only choice a woman can ever have is the one thing I have never done, or done wrong.

Dreams.  Lots of dreams last night.  I did sleep well.  Solid.

Since I didn't make it to the appointment, and since I am ready, I may try to make it to town for a bit of shopping today.  I won't swear that I will make it.  I may have peaked a bit early.  Driving myself to this point takes some serious mojo, at least with how I have been doing.  I am already collapsing in on that effort, without the impetus of the road pulling me forward.  Perhaps some coffee will help.

That post, Uhmhum, was created by my subconscious mind as I was free floating in the nether.  The notion has been on my mind lately.  I do think there are those who think that is what they may be about.  But they don't understand.  They are given the notion of the task to see if I am still... active.  I almost feel sorry for them.  Pawns.  Even if they think they created the notion of their own volition, they simply do not understand.  It is why... they are allowed to be.  I do crawl right into their minds with them.  My last doctor was one such case.  Her thing, so she thought, was Lilithian-based.  I saw her suffer, and hate, and lose.  I wonder about this next one.  Oh, if I wished, I could be cruel.  All I want is professional function and personal detachment.  We will see what we will see, shortly.  *skips*

Later.