Laughing or a rictus grin?

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Oh, I know.  Many would see me dead.  I don't fit their beliefs.  I say truths that, even if they know, they don't want to hear.  I won't change my tune, no matter threat or bribe.  I am immune to sexual appeal, physical threat, the lusts of fruits, or the glitter of gold.  I am not even afraid of death, or pain.  How do you deal with a man who just won't go along to get various legs up?  Even when you, he, and the world has tried to end it, he keeps going.  Ignore?  Ah, but for some reason, you can't.  Truth is sweeter than the pain it causes those who don't wish to know it.  For some unGodly(?) reason?  *grin*

While I have changed, life is hard for me.  Still, I will keep it, and at it, as I may and God willing.  I don't fear what is done to me for not going along, one way or the other.  Oh, not to say I am fearless, only that anything that can be done to me can be handed to God, and actually with honest thanks.  Unreachable by the way of flesh, the link is immutable.  I am, now and forever more, my Father's child.  And yet, if it were to be God's will, that I should leave my mortal coil, I would do so just as happily, more so to be sure.  The briars of liars tear, the hate of the unloving burns, the weight of the world is great upon my shoulders, the sureness of sin is a horror among the willfully sinful.

Those who would tear me apart do not understand.  Even in their hate, they can not know the pains I suffer to stay, or the great patience I lend the command of my God to stay. They simply do not know the extent of the physical suffering I endure.  Should they get their deepest, darkest desire?  They would be doing me a favor.  I don't think, if I can't undo my Father's will, that they can.  Christ prayed to live as much as I have prayed to be released, both of us understand that it is not our will that matters.  Bloody tears indeed.



I can't say I know why Father does what he does.  I know He has reason, I know He is right, I abide His wisdom, and perhaps I even suspect some things.  Not an easy path, the way of the Lord.  But a blessed one.  And, never without sweet fruit.  Whether to just be a voice, or with a part yet to play, maybe just eyes with which to see, with a long or short path, I postulate I will fully appreciate the ends and means in my due time.  For now, the suffering goes to those in purgatory.  That alone is worth the cost of the ride.


xoxoxo