One last thought.

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In a recent discussion, I suggested that I would take time out of my uneventful life to try to save even the worst of sinners, if given an opportunity.  I have mentioned, and thought of that before.  Hitler, Stalin, others... an opportunity to try to bring them across the divide as they lay dying.  Or even, given the opportunity, well before their demise.  As with the vineyard owner who paid the last worker to take up effort the same as he paid the first worker.  So it goes.  No, it isn't the notion that got me, even as I said it.  I think it is right, and I would do what I could, given a chance.  I am late to the vineyard myself, perhaps... in my life, right at the end.  Further, even should I live for decades, as I suspect I will, I know I do not deserve the wage.  None do, some less, some far less.

What got me, if I didn't mention it at the time, is how much of a change that is.  Oh, and I can still fall back to old ways, if that is usually merely an immature emotional failing than a true falling out.  Anger, among other emotions, can cloud the mind... and heart.  At one time, when I was 'clearly more logical(tm)', as I would then have noted, I very much was clouded by emotion.  I see it in many of the young people today.  They can't see it.  This I know too.  Hate clouds the mind, and more the heart, more than any other emotion.  Is it an emotion?  Perhaps, or a mix of them.  But all emotions can blind.  In any case, I certainly had a bad case of the clouded mind in my own time.  I never thought I would change my mind about some things.  I did not see how I could change my mind on this.  Could... not... see.

I don't know when it happened, exactly.  Many nights of prayer, if almost never touching on this sore subject.  Many conversations, if, and again, not pertaining to this.  Considering things, at first logically, then with less of the mind and some of the heart.  And dealing with the wounds that had created the hate.  Pain can keep one from thinking as well, so that was tended to a degree.  Time, patience on God's part, efforts on my part to eat more of the mana that is Wisdom.  God is ultimately, even to our own destruction, allowing.  It can lead some to choose disaster, and others to choose a better way.  I like to think it has allowed me to choose a better way.  Not a perfect way, and one thing at a time, and over time.

I can't fix the world.  I can't even fix myself.  I can, though, bring one wound, one hard spot in my heart, one unrighteous thought, to Him, at a time.  He fixes these, or directs me to what will help.  I'm still not sure how He does it.  Only that He will, if you ask, and allow it to happen.  But, too, He doesn't do it, you do.  It's one of those tricks where both and neither do everything and nothing, and it gets done.  Truly a mystery, at least to me.  And this, this hatred for doers of evil rather than of sin... it was one of the last of my holdouts.

One more sliver out of my heart, soul.  That sliver was a hard one, in deep, bled me half to death all on it's own.  Pleased to be done with it, and on guard for infections and avoiding what might put another, or even the same, splinter back in there.  Oh... I will kill, to preserve.  I will defend against unrighteousness, and die for it.  But that is only if no choice is given, and with prayer even so.

Just... a thought.